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A02159 A quip for an vpstart courtier: or, A quaint dispute betvveen veluet breeches and clothbreeches Wherein is plainely set downe the disorders in all estates and trades. Greene, Robert, 1558?-1592. 1592 (1592) STC 12300; ESTC S105869 42,418 58

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nor fauour aduanceth be men of great worth such as are thought of worship and vnwillingly entertaine hir● rather vouchsafing profered honor for their countries cause then for anie proud opinion of hoped for preferment Blessed are such lands whose officers are so placed and where the Prince promoteth not for coine or countenance but for his worthy deseruing vertues But leauing this by-talke methought I heard you say Signior veluetbreeche that you were the father of mechanical Artes and handie-crafts were found out to foster your brauery In faith good man goosecap you that are come from the startvps therefore is called an vpstart quasi start vp from clowted shoone your lips hoong in your light when you brought forth this Lodgike for I hope there is none so simple but knowes that handicraftes and occupation grewe for necessity not pride that mens inuentions waxed sharpe to profite the common wealth not to pranke vp themselues in brauerye I pray you when Tubalcane inuented tempring of mettals had he veluet bréeches to weare In sadnesse where was your worship when his brother found out the accordes and discords of Musicke hidden in hell and not yet thought on by the Deuill to cast forth as a baite to bring many proud fooles to ruine Indéed I cannot deny but your worship hath brought in deceipt as a iourneyman into al companies and made that a subtill craft which while I was holden in estéeme was but a simple mysterie now euery trade hath his sleightes to slubber vppe his worke to the eie and to make it good to the sale howsoeuer it prooues in the wearing The shoomaker cares not if his shooes hold the drawing on the tailor sowes with hot needle and burnt thred Tushe pride hath banisht conscience and veluet bréeches honestie and euery seruile drudge must ruffle in his silkes or else hee is not suteable The worlde was not so A principio for when veluet was worne but in kings caps then conscience was not a broome man in Kent stréet but a Courtier then the farmer was content his sonne should hold the plough and liue as he had doone before Beggars then feared to aspire and the higher sortes scornd to enuie Now euery lowt must haue his sonne a Courtnoll and those dunghill drudges waxe so proud that they will presume to weare on their feet what kings haue worne on their heads A clownes sonne must be clapt in a veluet pantophle and a veluet bréech though the presumptuous asse be drownd in the Mercers booke and make a conuey of al his lands to the vsurer for commodities yea the fop must goe like a gallant for a while although at last in his age he beg But indéede such yoong youths when the Broker hath blest them with saint Needams crosse fall then to priuy lifts cosenages and when their credit is vtterly crackt they practise some bad shifte and so come to a shamefull ende Lastly whereas thou saist thou art a seuere sensour to punish sinnes as austere as Cato to correct vice of truth I hold thée so in penall statutes when thou hast begged the forfeit of the Prince but such correction is open extortion and oppression of the poore nor can I compare it better M. veluet breech then to the Wolfe chastising the lambe for disturbing their fountaine or the Deuill casting out Deuils through the power of Belsebub and thus much curteous sir I haue said to displaie the follies of mine aduersary and to shew the right of mine owne interest Whye then quoth I if you haue both said it resteth but that we hadde some to empanell vpon a Iurie and then no doubt but the verdict would soone be giuen on one side As thus I was talking to them I might sée comming downe the hill a braue dapper Dicke quaintly attired in veluet and Sattin and a cloke of cloth rash with a Cambricke ruffe as smoothlie set and he as neatly spunged as if he had béene a bridegroome only I gest by his pace a farre off he shoulde bee a Tailor his head was holden vppe so pert and his legges shackle hamd as if his knees had béene laced to his thighes with points Comming more neere indeed I spied a Tailors morrice pike on his brest a spanish néedle and then I fitted my salutations not to his sutes but to his trade and incountred him by a thred bare courtesie as if I had not knowne him and asked him of what occupation he was A Tailor quoth he marry then my friende quoth I you are the more welcome for héere is a great quarrell growne betwixt veluet bréeches and cloth bréeches for their prerogatiue in England the matter is growne to an issue there must a Iury bee empanelled and I would desire and intreat you to be one of the quest Not so quoth Cloth breeches I chalenge him And why quoth I What reason haue you dooth he not make them both yes quoth he but his gaines is not alike alas by me he getteth small only he is paide for his workmanship vnlesse by misfortune his shieres slippe awrye and then his vales is but a shred of homespunne cloth Whereas in making of veluet bréeches where there is required silke lace cloth of gold of siluer and such costly stuffe to welt gard whip stitch edge face and draw out that the vales of one veluet bréech is more then twenty paire of mine I hope there is no Taylor so precise but he can play the cooke and licke his owne fingers though he looke vp to Heauen yet he can cast large shreds of such rich stuffe into hell vnder his shoppe boord Beside he sets downe like the clarke of the Checke a large bill of reckonings which for he kéepes long in his pocket he so powders for stincking that the yoonge vpstart that néedes it feeles it salt in his stomach a month after Besides sir veluet breeches hath aduanst him for whereas in my time he was counted but goodman Tailor now he is growne since veluet bréeches came in to be called a marchant or Gentleman Marchant Tailor giuing armes and the holye Lambe in his creast where before he had no other cognisance but a plaine Spanish néedle with a welsh cricket on the toppe sith then his gaines are so great and his honours so aduanst by veluet bréeches I will not trust his conscience nor shall hee come vpon my Iury. Indéed you haue some reason quoth I but perhaps the Tailor doth this vpon meere deuotion to punish pride and hauing no other authoritie nor meanes thinkes it beste to pinch them by the pursse and make them paye well as to aske twise so much silke lace and other stuffe as would suffice and yet to ouerreach my yoong maister with a bill of reckoning that will make him scratch where it itcheth not Heerein I hold the Tailor for a necessary member to teach proud nouices the way to wéeping crosse that when they haue wasted what their fathers left them by prid they may grow