Heroick Magnarum usque adeo sordent primo dia rerum Another small mistake of yours is your Râ—peâ—tition of a great part of my Book and that more unfaithfully than I should have expected from any Scot and then Brandishing your Pen over it and Bragging it deserves no better Answer A very compendious and effectual way to Confute Turk and Pope and Iack of Cumberland to boot The spightful World Sir willnot be so civil as to suffer you or me to be Judges in our own cause and however we think very goodly of our own Brats yet they may possibly if there be no Byass in the case have a different Notion of them especially in a Summer morning when the Sun is got out of Aries 'T is you have taught me so much modesty I shall for ever own it as to think that I can not only maintain every Tittle I have said there but even a bad Cause upon occasion against you and two or three more such triffling Privateers But I am not bound to maintain the Wise Reasoâ—iugs and pleasant Consequences you so ingenuously and plentifully Father upon me Male dum recitas incipit esse tuum They are all your own Sir by a better Title than the Mad-man had to his Smyrna Fleet. I remember one Copie of the Vulgar Translation corruptly reads Evertit domum for Everrit and makes the poor Woman not Sweep but throws down the House to find heâ— lost Groat Now if one single Letter creates so great alteration in the case quoth Ployden what rare work for a Tinker may a man make that takes your liberty of changing whole Words Sentences and Sides What an easie matter it is to put a man upon the Rack and make him conâ—ess what you would have him To render Sermons or Books or any thing Ridiculous by Interlining making false Comments upon them by Reading them backwards or beginning them at the wrong end I would not for Two Pence Half Penny you had been a Scrivener or Lawyers Clerk lest peradventure some of the laâ—ty had then smarted for 't and been as Poor as you have made the Clergy But you must not dream Sir I have so little to do as to fall a Repeating after you to set all right and straight again as I leâ—t it yet this I 'll promise you that if you please to send me a Page of the best Sense that ever you was Master of I will only carry on this little Metaphor of yours and if I don't return it you as Senseless and Impertinent Stuff by the next Post as ever you met with I 'le be your Bondman and give you all the Causes and Effects too that that you and I shall deal in for ever In the mean time I must desire you once more to be ashamed of this easie piece of Foolery and if you have no better Friends about you to Learn a little Ingenuity of Achilles his Horse in Homer or Mycillus's Cock in Lucian for although the one Repeated a number of Verses the other a great deal of Prose yet neither abused the Authour or made him speak other than his own Sense I shall not disturb the Ashes of Old Ferdinando so far as to guess at the true reason why you would not Reply to my Book but why you would not let it alone neither why you must needs shew your Teeth when you could not Bite and neither hold me fast nor let me go is such a Riddle that I dedie any man that understands Trap to resolve it You tell me indeed that I Iump in some Passages with W. S. and that you had Answered him half a year before And is it not a strange thing that two several Men living perhaps above an Hundred Miles distant should speak sometimes to the same effect though Treating of the very same Subject Nay is it not stranger then that any man in his right Wits should deny that you have Answered the said W. S. Back-stroke and Foresstroke fully and throughly and killingly too For my part I meddle with no bodies Principles or Province but my own yet since you are so good at Answering pray answer me one Question Did you ever hear of St. Dunstan But did you ever see a little Book called the Method of Preaching Printed about Fifty years ago the Authour whereof writes himself T. V. as you do T. B They say he and you jump in your Notions that there you had your story of the Weepers though you have added two of your own to his Six and made it consist of Eight parts and to mention no more your Preface from Adam from his beginning of the World which some Ancient Historians will have to be much about the same time In some things indeed you seem to differ for He was a Divine you say you are none He pretends to Instruct young Preachers serionsly whilst you Laugh and Droll upon the very Old ones Now I am not so vain as from this and such like Instances to Indict you for a Plagiary but only to let you know that when ever you speak Sense or Truth somebody else hath done it before you so that you cannot claim the whole Credit thereof more than of your late happy Intention of English Exercises Nor do I stumble upon them again Sir out of a mere malicious design of moving your cholerick Particles but only because I am now passing on to consider your singular Antipathy to a piece of Greek or Latine for you proclaim open War and profess you hate it like a Viper or Toad as if the little Vermine struck so fiercely that he left his Sting behind him Now Sir were I disposed to Mischief what a fair Advantage have you given me to pelt you with 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and an hundred such Scraps every whit as significant as those soft Compellations of yours my Duck my Dear c. and then Tack about with a Tendimus in Latiam and give you a Broad-side there too But that were a Cowardly Triumph and I hate to use any true English man so Barbarously Nor will I renew the Question once put to a Dogmatical Philosophist after he had made a tedeous Harangue to Disparage and Vilifie the Tongues why he did not cut out his own But rather Argue the Busiâ—ess calmly and seriously with you I hope Sir you don't think there lies any Moral Turpitude lurking under the Skirts of those hateful Languages or that they are absolutely and point blanck against the Law of the Land Our Statutes for English Manufactures and the Encouragement of Trade were never intended to bolt out Learning and Latine sure as Forein Commodities I confess I love the Smoak of my own Country as well as you or any of them that were lately Press'd for his Majesties Service abroad but I would not willingly be such a meer English Machine as not to be able to Write a piece of Latine to borrow Money upon occasion or to teach a Thief his Neck-verse
that deceived you I hope you will consult the Original hereafter for let Budaeus or Scapula say what they please the Text is here and shall be here when â—ome Mushrome Authors with their novel whimseys shall be hissed off the Stage and turn'd out of doors And now one would think I were as likely to guess at the old Man's sense here as you who stand convicted you never read him and yet we must needs have a cast of your Office a set Lecture upon it as if you were instructing your Boyes It 's no great news to me Sir that he should treat of Natural Philosophy in his Physicks how strange soever it seems to you that one of his Principles or Maximes there should be applyed to something else with due Analogie Bishop Sanderson finding the Civil Body somewhat like the Natural cites this noble Text out of Aristotle not Themâ—stius and to accommodate it to his purpose clothes it with a Translation almost as Magnificent as mine but 't is in Latine Sir pray mark it Omnis mutatio praesertim si aut subita â—it aut magna periculosa est â— compare them Sir and you will find little difference save onely that he treats of the Greater I of the Lesser Body Both agree in this that the changing of Fundamental not to say Foundation Laws in either is of dangerous consequence You see I have luckily found a very good Author to vouch both my mistakes and I am content to erre with him rather than correct Originals with you The Greek Professors place Sir is already disposed of else I had not been so free with you lest peradventure you might have put in for it But if you will be rul'd by me or expect I should lay on your head I should rather turn you loose to any ordinary man nay to a Gentleman provided he be a very English one in another Language I could name than this unlucky barbarous heathenish Antichâ—istian Greek Thus much Sir and no more shall I say of your Letter to R. L. â—lthough you should hire me to it and give me your Hand or Bond to forfeit Sword and Belt if ever you drew upon a piece of innocent Greek again In your Express directed to Me there 's a great Cry indeed but scarce Wooll enough to make a Jack an Ape a pair of Breeches a huge crop of Straw for so little Kernel that 't will hardly pay the tasker and quit cost for threshing and though you have rigged it out in a gorgeous dress I mean bound it up with the rest in Turkey Leather and gilt leaves and worded it as if you were some Great Mogul amongst the Learned yet upon examination I find it as very a cheat as one of those Old Egyptian Temples famous for outward Splendour and Magnificence whilst the God within was eâ—ther an Ape a â—torke a Goat or a Cat. For can you imagine you have much out-done Cleopatra's Pug in this rare Adventure when he quite forgot his business of Dancing and fell to the Apples and Nuts thrown before him Or do you think all the World so mad as to be fond of one Man's humour who is under an imprudent Vow of never being Serious Man is a visible Animal I grant so long as he rides in a Terrestrial Vehicle as a Friend of yours hath noted but it does not thence follow that he must be alwaies laughing more then a Horse is Neighing how white soever his Teeth may be The Spaniaâ—ds have a Proveâ—b that a Mule will be a Mule oâ—ce a day at least but certainly it becomes not so able a Rationallist accomplisht with choice useful Learning to be all day long at Pushâ—pin or Spâ—n-counter Now Sir if your Constitution be not faulty and full of Quick-silver that you can scarce be fix'd if you should die for 't if it be not Natural to you to talk as Idly as one Elevated in a high Fever I 'le try what I can do upon you by Chastising your Errours and giving you a little good Advice and that not in the Grave Catonian way but with some mixture of Levity to keep you awake for the better Operation not doubting but you will be careful of a due Regimen and apply every thing to the affected Part. The first mistake I shall note in your Letteâ— is an easie one only a Steeple for a Church but you might as well have said I thought it impossible for any English Zany to have a Ringing in his Head because there are no Bells in Turkey Alas Sir I was so far from venturing you so much above ground or tempting you to skip off a Steeple for my sake that I have made it a great part of my business all along to keep you as far off the Church as may be For albeit you are like Arch-Bishop Abbot himself in one thing i. e. in being neither Parson Vicar nor Curate all your life yet you are not thereby qualified to be a Regulator amongst us now so much as Iohn Calvin was in his time who offer'd his Assistance in our Reformation but judicious Cranmer knew the man and refus'd him â— little more Study and Experience will â—ssure you that Quinctilian's saying is true though it be Latine Soli artifiiâ—â—s de artibus judicare debent The Cobler may laugh at all men in his own Trade but he is no more a competent Judge of Iewels or Pearls than a Blind man can be of Colours although you should carry the Sun in your Arms before him There 's another Translation for you bevause you like them so well Granting our Church windows are or may be shattered here and there by late storms yet what does that concern you who are in 〈◊〉 Legal Capacity not so much as that of a Glasier or Church-warden to see them repaired Besides I wonder you that pretend to Trade so much in Stars and Telescopes could not foresee the necessary Effect such a Train of Causes must produce For what less could the Dutch War and your little Book and another call'd the Expedient or any one of them portend then an Indulgence to all manner oâ— Non-conformists 〈…〉 you intenâ—ed no hurt or did not think what would come on 't as much as to say there 's no such thing as Common Prudâ—nce nor any other way to 〈◊〉 the Morality of our Actions in thâ— Cartesian Ethicks but by their end I say again and I think I speak it loud enough to be heard all England over you have Disparag'd and Abus'd our Reverend Clergy de facto most Egregiously who if they be so Ignorant as you make them 't is pity but the Breed of Adoniram should be Unmuzled again to Teach them to Study harder and Preach better I could tell you the very Day and Year 't was much about the time the King came in when a little Spark kindled a great Bonfire thus oâ—e of your pitiful false Principles may occasion a thousand â—ll Convâ—niâ—ncies according to the stâ—tely
as fast as they please provided they be subject to the Kings Laws and disturb not the peace of their Neighbours and I 'll ask no more nor trouble my head about them But whereas you tell me that no true Gentile English Spirit would have guess'd as I did when you make it out you was gentile in hussing our Clergy in general and every particular Member that comes in your way I will warrant every word and syllable I have said of you and your Family to be not onely Gentile but Right Honourable As for the many small Games and petit Catches you abound with I shall onely say Mum to them all and if you please to imploy some body else to pick the feathers off your Querpo I will inquire a little into the great Design of your Letter which is to magnifie your own way of talking or Wit as you call it and vilifie all others and then bid you good night Not that I would be thought to set up for a Wit of all the Tradâ— in Town but because I find my self bound by the Laws of Errantry like some Palph or Sancho to follow my Leader into any even the most Magnificently foolish Adventures Standers by may possibly see more than Gamesters without Spectacles and now my hand is in I will be so hardy as to descant a little upon your very Master-piece and if you be taken tardy here too I must request you also to burn your Common Place Book or quit the Pit In the first place Sir though you would seem to be highly incensed against a Quibble yet I perceive you know not what it is because you call conceits of the first and second Rate by that diminutive name For according to the best Authors that have written on this Subject a Quibble is nothing else but a Gingling and Chiming of Consonant words and this I must tell you is no less then a Figure in Rhetorick call'd Paronomasia saving your presence But Bishop Sanders in the very Sermon you Cite maintains this kind of Speeches to be Elegancies and flowers of Elocution when they are used sparingly without Affectation and only as Sawce to our Meat You might there have espied Ten or Twelve several places in the Bible where this Figure occurres whereof the good Advice of St. Paul is one if you please to take it and not Play with it 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 to mention no more From whence that right Learned Prelate takes occasion to Chastise those idle inconsiderate Persons who Scoff at the like Elegancies in Sermons and other Discourses concluding utterly against you viz. That 't is only Affectation in this as in every other thing that makes it tedeous or ridiculous But those Levities of mine you so judiciously call Quibbles belong Sir to another Figure in Rhetorick yâ—lâ—ped Homonymia when the words are Ambiguous and Ianus like look two ways at least And what ever you say or opine to the contrary these Sir will be not only Lawful but Useful and Elegant and have a Sting in them when you and I are dead Vossius was never Laugh'd at before for saying Hermolaus nomine non re Barbarus nor Heylin for Baiting the Pope's Bulls and telling us of one Iohn Selden whose Name needs no Titles of Honour do you see Sir how bold he makes with the Title of a Book purely for the Phancies sake Nor Tâ—lly for his Ex agro Falerno depellantur Anseres the same word unluckily signifying both a Man and a Goose. I could for a need throw you an hundred more into the Bargain but as I told you before they must be used sparingly Now Sir would you have us blot out two several Figures in Rhetorick meerly to please you Must we get an Act of Parliament in all haste against latter especially which no Language in Europe can live without Even your own English is utterly ruin'd if you take it away all your Proverbs Tropes Metaphors and other Elegancies signifying no more than Chip in Pottage without their Allusions or Ambiguities And may not I take the same liberty of Speech that all the World has done before me for fear of angring you But I 'm confident what e're you say you don't really think such kind of Allusions ridiculous if you do you left your Memory surely in your other Breeches when you went last to the Press Pray Sir present my Services to R. L. and ask what 's the first Letter of that Gentleman's name who stylâ—s his Grace Guardian of Humane Nature and says May and Can are of the same Mood and Tense and talks of pure terse Good-man he would have said Terce humâ—ne Nature newly drawn out of the Clouds Who plays most Childishly with the Reverend B. O. â— for saying the Writes like one Puffed up as if he meant that he was Fat and Bloated when he is soberly attempting to Cure the Tympany iâ— his Mind Who tells me I am as utterlâ— undone as ever was Oyster and that his Caâ— was not free to be Roasted The same Figure all along to a Cows Thuâ—b These I only return you Sir to let the World see that however you hate these little things yet you can't forbear them more than others although by your quarrelling at them other-whiles you start a new Figure in Rhetorick called Autocatacrisis or Self-contradiction You complain indeed I now and then speak as some others have done before me and that the Humour is not my own as if you were for none but New Phancies new Stories new Proverbs new Old-sayingâ— all spick and span New But if this be a Fault you have no reason to call it so of any man living For did you make those Forms of Speeches so frequent wâ—th you Dunstable Stuff Catching old Birds with Chaff From Top to Toe Tumble down Dick Courage Cakes The Story of the Oyster Hogs to Rumford Novâ—rint Vniversi Sink or Swim The Whore of Babylon A Phancie of his Worships and Nineteen more I will not trouble my Head to remember Did you spin them all out of your own Brain Alas Sir they are not only Trite and Common but of as long standing as that of the Boy that made the Knife many of them are as Old as ever was Paul's or if that be yet too young as Old as Spilmans Trial Mr. Eaton's Goose or that of Iohn Hall the Capper you know where I am Nay had I nothing else to do I could Trace some of the most tolerable Humours in all your Works and shew the very Page and Line in Don Lucian and the other Don where you had them albeit you put them off for New as your Philautus does his borrowed Notions and own not those Old Gentlemen's kindness for fear of spoiling your Markets But for you to charge me with your own guilt Quis tulerit Gracchos For my part I love to speak in the Language of other men sometimes and do declare I suspect all things that have nothing but pure Terce