great age be an Obstacle After those speeches which are wont to be used in such matters at the first meeting Cato professeth himself to be that old Man and promiseth that as much as was in his power he would take his Daughter to Wife Whereupon Salonius admired that the Virtue of his Daughter should so much attract Cato's esteem that he would take to Wife one meanly Born into that Family which was adorned with consulary and triumphal Trophies What should I say more He Married his Daughter M. Cato the Son than whom none was better if we credit his Father nor excelled him in Piety was much troubled and begged his pardon if he had done any thing against his Father which should induce him to bring him a Mother-in-Law but he having applauded the Manners of that Virgin answered that she pleased him wonderfully well neither O dearest Son should you think that it was done to bring you a Mother-in-Law but that I might have many Children like you and leave behind me the best Citizens of the Common-wealth For this cause Pisistratus as it 's said took to Wife a Woman endued with singular modesty his Sons being adult and instructed in the Liberal Sciences because the eminent Piety of his Children daily enflamed his desire of Begetting the like It is apparent by the judgment of M. Cato than which nothing can be more Grave and of Pisistratus how highly we ought to esteem Manners Our City is full of Examples of this kind of which it shall suffice to instance in a few Andreas Barbarus the Father of our Renowned Mark a famous Citizen and of a most honourable Order took Lucia Viaria to Wife whose worth was so perspicuous and known to him that he brought her home from her most endearing acquaintance saying That if he could gain her consent the Marriage should be Celebrated between them without any consideration of Money Therefore neglecting the Riches of others he Married her for Virtue and Goodness This matter did correspond with the judgment of that prudent Person For truly she educated his Sons-in-Law with that Care and that Piety that nothing could be more advantagious nothing more tranquil in Domestick Affairs Many years after that most famous Person and excellent Citizen Justus Contarinus imitated this Barbarus my Kinsman for being certified of the moderation modesty and singular beauty of Franciscus Panthalion Barbus his Daughter the Spectators being withdrawn he first spake to her Father and declared to him that his Daughter pleased him more and more and that he earnestly desired to have her although poor to Wife if it might be with his approbation Wherefore Panthalion most excellent by Birth and great Learning is pleased therewith he requires time of deliberation he Summons according to Custome his usual Friends the matter being declared it was by the consent of all judged happy prosperous and fortunate and Justus being now ancient is adjudged deserving of that most noble Virgin though of a small Portion for so the state of her Family required I may call those Marriages happy which are desired and pursued for the splendor of Virtue and continue inviolated with great faithfulness and love for that I may omit in this place her other Commendations she so tenderly and courteously treated the Children of his former Wife that in her daily Conversation many of her Sons-in-Law remarked nothing of a Mother-in-Law in her besides the Name Above all things therefore as I would have you to observe my dearest Laurentius let the Manners of your Wife please you without which I do not understand what can be hoped for in Domestick Affairs Agesilaus being asked what the Lacedemonians should do being conquerours answered If a prudent Emperour manage the matter we may refer that to our concern What composes regulates and renders commendable the Family Affairs but chiefly the diligence frugality and dignity of the Wife As a Prince shall not well govern a City unless he be expert in the Common-Law the Customs of his Ancestors and the Publick Affairs Neither can a Pilot which is ignorant of the Marine Art reduce a Ship into the Haven out of a cruel Storm Neither shall a Charioteer which is unskilful in his Employment be rewarded So neither can Domestick Affairs be rightly managed unless the excellency of the Mistress of the Family be a singular Example to the rest And even as Souldiers which have an excellent Commander are ashamed to desert that place which is appointed them so Men and Maid-servants will not forsake that part of the Family concern the Custody of which is committed to them by a chaste and prudent Mistress Plato that most Grave Philosopher in those Books which he hath excellently written concerning the Commonwealth hath instituted that Magistracies should be bestowed on the most excellent not the most ambitious Citizens for he foresaw that in a short time very few would strive for it if not those who were well deserving but those who were ambitious Champions should enjoy the Dignity Wherefore he proposed a publick Reward to the Magistrates lest the damage which may accrew to their private Affairs should impede the publick Duties of the Commonwealth for we should so greatly esteem Prudence in a Wife that if our fortunes will permit we should even neglect a Wifes Portion or willingly be content with very little that we may obtain Domestick praise and peace This very thing will bring us greater glory than if we had Wives adorned with Jewels and Gold but void of Honesty A certain Ionian Woman when she proudly boasted of her Treasures Riches was thus answered by the Wife of Phocion Phocion is my Riches Treasure who hath been Prince of the Athenians now this twenty years for his merits to his Country After the same manner we may glory in the worth of a Wife and pretermit them who being enriched with the Wealth and Possessions of a Wife are liable to innumerable troubles These things are fading but those former firm and stable things do truly unite the minds of Married Persons Philip the Father of Alexander whom Theophrastus stileth a King excellent in Fortune and Valour fervently and wonderfully loved Thessala to that degree that it was said he was induced by Love-potions wherefore Olympias used her utmost endeavour that Thessala her self might be brought into his power whom when she beheld adorn'd with a modest Countenance and Deportment she said The Calumnies avail little against you for you bear the Inchantments of Love about you and Love-potions are prepared by the sweetness of your goodness What need I say more Let us chuse a Wife of good behaviour whose Frugality joined to Honour Profit and Pleasure may be esteemed delighted in and loved by us CHAP. III. Concerning the Age of a Wife to be chosen SInce I have already treated of the qualifications of a Wife which if she be rightly educated she hath or may easily obtain I shall now briefly discourse of her Age those things
nor Exhortations if they would be such as they ought to be And lest we should any longer defer those things which are most diligently to be considered by us we put a period to these things CHAP. VII Concerning Domestick care BOth the time and the place require our discourse concerning Domestick care concerning which I would have those few things expected which we perceive by common experience most expedient but those things which are written by learned men I cannot include within this little and narrow place because neither do all things appertain to this discourse and time and every one may know those things by their Books it shall suffice out of many things that those things which are necessary and may be treated of very briefly and most easily shall not be pretermitted in these our little Commentaries I would have therefore the whole care of the Domestick Affairs chiefly employed about Estates and Servants or dependents and the education of Children we will briefly treat of this last but we will first dispatch those two former points for we esteem the care of our Estates and diligence about our Servants and dependents necessary for we have need of estates and servants without the plenty and assistance whereof the family affairs cannot consist in which things truly the moderation of domestick affairs is for the most part contain'd and which unless they be established by the Councils and Precepts of the Wife have no Foundation and are wont to be in great disorder for as naturally men are endued with a strength of Body and Mind as well for other causes as that they may enrich their Familes by Industry Labour and finally by many perils so as I conjecture women are naturally weak that they may more diligently manage their Houshold concerns for fear cannot be without care nor care without vigilance What availeth it to bring much home unless the wife will keep preserve and distribute it for what else is fabulously written concerning the Daughters of Danaus who filling a bored Hogshead were tormented with a perpetual and vain labour My opinion is which I hope O Laurentius that you will approve that no small advantages arise from this the Wives custody For truly that was well said by Augustus Caesar that most prudent person Alexander would have obtained far more renown and profit if he could have kept and defended what he had gotten than by the assistance of Fortune to have atchieved the greatest matters wherefore wives ought not to be defrauded of their praise if they shall order whatsoever is placed at home as it is their duty therefore they should endeavour to remember that as dayly Pericles at Athens so they should govern their Families and should be willing always to judge themselves lest they be deficient in their care performance and diligence about Domestick Affairs It greatly conduceth to this matter if they which chiefly belongeth to them accustom themselves to stay at home and to take care of all things where I remember that prudent Groom who when he was asked what chiefly made an Horse fat said the Masters Eye Which duty that it might be recommended to posterity an ordinary Shoe and a Distaff and Spindle were affixed to the Brazen Statue of Caja Cecilia the Daughter of Tarquinnius that those things might in a manner signifie that her diligent residence at home should be imitated by Posterity What negligent Farmer can hope to have industrious Husbandmen What slothful General can make his Souldiers vigilant for the Common-wealth If therefore the Wife would have her Maids stay at home she should not only instruct them by words but she should demonstrate shew and declare by her actions what they ought to perform Nothing truly is more excellent in Family Affairs than that every thing be placed in its own station for order than nothing which is more decent nothing more useful is always of the greatest importance We may behold a company of Singers and Armies amongst whom unless a proportion be aptly observed they can be termed nothing less than either Armies or Singers I would have Wives to imitate the Ringleaders of Bees who know receive and preserve whatsoever is placed within their Hives and until the necessity of their concerns shall otherwise require they are always present with their Honey-combs that they may be exquisitely and maturely perfected Wives may send abroad their Men and Maid-servants if they perceive it will be advantageous to them but if they be useful at home they may require urge and command their presence They should judge it to appertain to their duty that no dammage accrue to their Husbands in the Pantry Wine-cellar and Oyl-cellar As Generals often view the numbers of their Souldiers so Wives should often and most diligently recognise those things which are placed at home lest at last to their great detriment they should perceive that what should be of a years scarce is of a months duration The Custom of Pericles greatly deceives unskilful persons and oftentimes impedes the Family Affairs who sold together all the fruits which he received from his fields and afterwards he provided from the Market whatsoever he had need of at home from day to day for this daily manner of providing Corn and Wine and Wood is rather fit for a Traveller and an unsetled Souldier than a Citizen and a Master of a Family neither do they so liberally so splendidly nor so profitably provide for their Riches But if any one shall object That he hath observed this to be the fault of the Caterer even in my opinion he should judge that the negligence of the Agents of the Wife is rather to be blamed than the Opinion of the wisest men I think this should be imitated from the Roman Custom That the most noble Women should not be employed in the vilest things for the noble Women by the League that was made with the Sabines were enfranchised from the Employments of the Mill and Kitchen and servile Services But indeed if the sickness of the Husband or an occasion of honouring of Guests shall happen they may undertake such kind of Employment for if it may conduce to the health of the Husband not onely nothing should be pretermitted but we detest any omission I am infinitely pleased to see in that most Learned Poet and Philosopher Homer that Andromache had so great love and affection for her Hector that she was diligent and exact even in giving Hay to his Horses in which the Honour and Life of her Husband consisted Therefore if a Wife applies her mind to her Duty and her Honour she will acknowledge that all things are due to and she will perform all things for her Husband but if a liberal Husband shall purpose nobly to entertain some Persons at his House she should not refuse even the Office of the Kitchen which was not unknown to those generous and most valiant Persons Achilles and Patroclus to whom when Vlysses and Ajax came to be
the discourse love and delight of all Men for at the Rape of the Sabines a certain most excellent Virgin although she was preserved by his Authority was snatch'd away from him by his almost unknown Companions but the amiable and popular commemoration of Thalassius delivered her from that imminent peril with whom when he was happily married the Custom of invocating him was introduced in Nuptials Therefore that my discourse may return from whence I digressed there is such an efficacy such an union in this Nuptial Compact that the illustrious duty to Parents is obscured by the splendour of this alliance for the husband may as well by the Authority of the Ancients as of our Religion so confine his Affections to the love of his wife that others being omitted he may esteem delight in and please her Hither refers that most grave witness Homer who asserts that Hector although he could undauntedly sustain the loss of his Parents Brethren and lastly of his Country yet he could not bear the thoughts of the future dangers of Andromache his well deserving wife Herein Barbarus that most valiant Hero is so meek and so mild that verily he may be thought to have been another person For being exalted with the glory of his past actions he anxiously pensively and sadly complained nothing concerning his own many things concerning the event of his wife Therefore lest I be tedious we will acquiesce in this one Example for truly the frequent and many more than I wish Examples hereof every where which are often unworthily compacted do asperse the Authors with many stains of infamy I omit now the Garlands wherewith both the Spouse and the Postâ— were wont to be adorned I now pass by the Furniture and other Preparations which as herein I do not disapprove so I judge them accommodated to magnificence It was a Custom that those Fingers of the wife should be adorned with Gold Rings which were next to the little Fingers of the left hand whence it is believed that they are called Ring Fingers that it might be a perpetual monument before their Eyes of great love to their Husbands for from those Fingers as some Authors affirm some particular Nerves extend themselves to the heart It was a Custom that water and fire should be carried before the Bride and that she should touch them both that it might be evident that the wife was chiefly for the sake of propagation of Issue for as heat and moisture which excel in those Elements are the causes of Generation so the union of man and woman is chiefly introduced for the propagation of Issue Brides are wont to be careful lest they should touch their Husbands Threshold with their Feet but they enter being carried over that they may signifie that they lose their sollicited Virginity not voluntarily but in a manner by compulsion wherefore among those Ancients it was not lawful that Virgins should be espoused as well on certain days as also on all the Calends dedicated to Janus because a violence in a manner seemed to be done to them which then was a hainous offence yet at these times no Religion prohibited the Marriages of Widow because as Verrius Flaccus asserts we may on Holy-days scour old Ditches but we may not make new The ignorant Heathens have dedicated the Threshold to Janus who lest in the first access he should seem as it were to be spurned and neglected it was the Custom to be lifted over not to go over the Threshold Also on Holy-days wherein the multitude of people were entertained with Lupercal or Megalensian or Circensian Sports or with some other spectacle the Marriages of Virgins were prohibited but they were permitted to Widows Some think that this was chiefly instituted for this reason that Virgins might observe those days remembring that the Sabines were ravished upon a day of Sports which matter attracted much dishonour and was the beginning of a grievous and perillous War But it was not prohibited to Widows or to them who were divorced for they had no cause to blush if their former Husbands being either dead or living all the people were absent being attentive in the Theatre whilst they celebrated their Nuptials It is expedient if our Estates will permit that our Marriages be splendid neither should we deprive them of this part of praise for many worthy persons have applauded Banquets and the Sports of Gladiators and the preparations of Pastimes for the people with which Theophrastus was so pleased that he termed the Expences of this sort which appertained to the entertainment of the multitude the most delightful product of riches Why should I now mention Q Mulius C. Appius Hortensius Syllanus P. Lentulus Scaurus Pompey those Crassus's and Lucilius's who delightfully ended the Curule Office with the most magnificent Festivals and Solemnities which yet have been and are reproved by many most grave persons But I can find none who disapprove the splendour of Nuptials many who approve it Aristotle that most learned person who is wont to be stiled the principal and chief of the Philosophers in those Books which he hath written concerning Manners approveth this kind of magnificence even in the best men That excellent person and most famous Philosopher Manuel Chrysoloras espoused to a Wife his most learned Nephew and that most excellent Gentleman John for whose Nuptials when there was a most splendid preparation and therefore the dignity of that grave Philosopher was reproached by one of his Familiars he said O ye Gods grant better things it is permitted us to be magnificently joyful in the most delightful things and unless we be injurious to our Neighbours that splendour which is suitable to the dignity of our Family can no where be omitted Why should we say more the matter it self which always avails most speaks for it self and needeth not a longer discourse But large Banquets which elsewhere are disapproved here they are not disliked Moreover we know that the Custom of the Sabines was to introduce pleasant discourse that no occasion may be omitted of exhilarating body and mind for the same reason Stage-Players were admitted who were so much esteemed in the City of Rome that all the Masters of that Art being dead they sent for Players out of Hetruria that most flourishing Province of Italy of whom he who was the eldest and most skilful in his Art was called Histrus as Claudius Ruffus relates from whom afterwards all the other were termed Histriones as the Epicureans Pythagoreans and Gnathons are so nominated from their Authors It is most certain that Neighbours and Kindred were invited to Marriages both in the former and our Age that all to whom either the honour or the pleasure of the Nuptials should extend might rejoice with them Solon one of the seven Wise men instituted that when a Wife is joined to her Husband she should eat a Quince that he might in a manner signifie that the sweet voice and pleasant speech of the Wife should
be approved by the Husband A Bridegroom when he enters the Bridal Bed to complete the Marriage Rites the Brides face is hidden under a Vail and the Bridegroom embraces her in the dark Venus being the Bride-maid and having laid himself on his Brides lap expects a pleasant sleep which we conjecture to be appointed lest her Virgin-like modesty should more obstinately resist his lawful embraces than is meet and lest any sadness should intervene in that most joyful Solemnity they had a Custom to scatter Nuts that the great multitude might not hear the cryes which the Bride utters either for grief or modesty for the Childrens earnestness in gathering and cracking their Nuts Many things restrain me from proceeding farther upon this subject First lest if I should relate these things more largely I should offend your ears which when you have applyed your mind care and endeavour to these excellent Studies of humanity nothing but an innocent speech and a grave discourse and well composed things can satisfie Moreover because I think I have said enough courteously to admonish our young men wherein they may imitate those Ancients whose Vertues are illustrated in Authors and resemble them as well in other things as chiefly in this as much as the sanctity of our Religion permits Which that I may more easily concede to them I have not discoursed of all things but that alsot variety it self may be added to the benefi hereof out of many things I have assigned a few to this matter Therefore I cease not to exhort them that they pay the greatest gratitude to those Ancients by whose vigilance and writings unless they be deficient to themselves they will both be advantaged themselves and will obtain better instructed Wives and more ornate Nuptials Enough of these things let us come to greater matters DIRECTIONS FOR Love and Marriage BOOK II. Concerning the duty of a Wife THE next thing is that we should diligently consider that point viz. the Wives duty to which long since our discourse did tend for this second place is appointed for it in the first Book for so I promised that I would first treat concerning the choice afterwards concerning the duty of a Wife this is the remaining part this action remains in which if wives either of their own accord or by the precepts of their Husbands shall obey me no body will be so unjust a Judge of things but may think that I have so established the wives duty that the young persons may enjoy a secure tranquillitie and repose through the whole course of their lives Therefore there are three things which being well performed by the wife make the marriage most laudable and admirable love to her Husband Modesty of Life and a great and diligent care of the domestick affairs we will explain the former but first we will say some things concerning the facilitie of obedience which should be her guide and assistant than which nothing is more acceptable nothing is more desired which those most wise ancients well considered by whom it was instituted that when a Sacrifice was offered to Juno who was called Gamelia from her government of marriages the gall was taken out of the victime that they might wisely admonish as it were by Laws that all contention and anger should be excluded from the conjugal state wherefore the answer of a Spartan woman is approved by many learned men for when she was provoked by the slanderous reproaches of a certain doating old Woman against her Husband she said Mischief light on thee when I was but a Child I learnt to obey my Parents now it is chiefly necessary for me to obey my Husband if I will be what I ought to be for a Husband may command to whose will it is most fit that the Wife conform her manners Wherefore Gorgon may deservedly be blamed who being asked whether or no she would go to her Husband said no truly but let him come to me Cyrus that great Person and Emperour said to his Souldiers that if their Enemies should clamorously assault them they should silently sustain their fury but on the contrary if they were silent that they should engage with them with noise and shouting So we instruct Wives if their Husbands being angry shall more severely chide them than their Ears have been accustomed to endure let them silently sustain their wrath but if grief makes them silent they may speak to excite exhort comfort and please their Husbands with sweet and affectionate discourses They who are conversant with Elephants do not wear white Garments nor they red who are with wild Oxen for by such colours those Beasts are more and more enraged Many Authors assert that Tygers are disquieted with Bells and greatly disturbed therewith So it is expedient to exhort Wives for truly if any Garment shall seem offensive to their Husbands we advise them to abstain from it that they may not disagree with some Husbands they must live mildly and pleasingly I think that the Ears defences for so they are called from covering the Ears to be far more necessary for Wives than Wrestlers for these their Ears only are lyable to blows but Bills of Divorce accompanied with grievous Ignominy are obvious to the others wherefore they must be very careful not to entertain suspicion jealousie and anger by the conveyance of their Ears to which matter it conduceth much if we imitate the prudence of King Alexander for he when any one was calumniated to him was wont always to stop one of his Ears that he might afterwards open it to him who desired to defend himself truly Hermione seemeth to relate the truth who acknowledgeth and apparently testifies that she was ruined by wicked Women with whom she was familiar Wives therefore if at any time they fall into suspicions let them not regard slanderous Women let their Ears be stopped let mutterings be exploded neither as the Proverb saith let Fire be added to Fire let them learn and discourse of the expression of Philip that most famous King he some of his Family sometimes urging him to be more greatly angry with the Grecians who althouâ—h they had received many benefits from him yet they slandered and reproached him said What will they do then if we also injure them In like manner when seditious Women say Your Husband little esteems you who are affectionate and most loving to him the Wife should answer What if with my modesty I should forsake my chastity and with my love should wittingly and willingly withdraw from him my great observance towards him A certain Master found a Fugitive Servant in a House of Correction and as if he had now been punished enough he said Where had I rather find thee than in this very place A Wife who is grievous to her Husband by reason of her jealousie and thinks and considers of a Divorce I would she would so think with her self Where will a Whore whom I always hate be more joyful and fortunate than