as fast as they please provided they be subject to the Kings Laws and disturb not the peace of their Neighbours and I 'll ask no more nor trouble my head about them But whereas you tell me that no true Gentile English Spirit would have guess'd as I did when you make it out you was gentile in hussing our Clergy in general and every particular Member that comes in your way I will warrant every word and syllable I have said of you and your Family to be not onely Gentile but Right Honourable As for the many small Games and petit Catches you abound with I shall onely say Mum to them all and if you please to imploy some body else to pick the feathers off your Querpo I will inquire a little into the great Design of your Letter which is to magnifie your own way of talking or Wit as you call it and vilifie all others and then bid you good night Not that I would be thought to set up for a Wit of all the Tradâ— in Town but because I find my self bound by the Laws of Errantry like some Palph or Sancho to follow my Leader into any even the most Magnificently foolish Adventures Standers by may possibly see more than Gamesters without Spectacles and now my hand is in I will be so hardy as to descant a little upon your very Master-piece and if you be taken tardy here too I must request you also to burn your Common Place Book or quit the Pit In the first place Sir though you would seem to be highly incensed against a Quibble yet I perceive you know not what it is because you call conceits of the first and second Rate by that diminutive name For according to the best Authors that have written on this Subject a Quibble is nothing else but a Gingling and Chiming of Consonant words and this I must tell you is no less then a Figure in Rhetorick call'd Paronomasia saving your presence But Bishop Sanders in the very Sermon you Cite maintains this kind of Speeches to be Elegancies and flowers of Elocution when they are used sparingly without Affectation and only as Sawce to our Meat You might there have espied Ten or Twelve several places in the Bible where this Figure occurres whereof the good Advice of St. Paul is one if you please to take it and not Play with it 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 to mention no more From whence that right Learned Prelate takes occasion to Chastise those idle inconsiderate Persons who Scoff at the like Elegancies in Sermons and other Discourses concluding utterly against you viz. That 't is only Affectation in this as in every other thing that makes it tedeous or ridiculous But those Levities of mine you so judiciously call Quibbles belong Sir to another Figure in Rhetorick yâ—lâ—ped Homonymia when the words are Ambiguous and Ianus like look two ways at least And what ever you say or opine to the contrary these Sir will be not only Lawful but Useful and Elegant and have a Sting in them when you and I are dead Vossius was never Laugh'd at before for saying Hermolaus nomine non re Barbarus nor Heylin for Baiting the Pope's Bulls and telling us of one Iohn Selden whose Name needs no Titles of Honour do you see Sir how bold he makes with the Title of a Book purely for the Phancies sake Nor Tâ—lly for his Ex agro Falerno depellantur Anseres the same word unluckily signifying both a Man and a Goose. I could for a need throw you an hundred more into the Bargain but as I told you before they must be used sparingly Now Sir would you have us blot out two several Figures in Rhetorick meerly to please you Must we get an Act of Parliament in all haste against latter especially which no Language in Europe can live without Even your own English is utterly ruin'd if you take it away all your Proverbs Tropes Metaphors and other Elegancies signifying no more than Chip in Pottage without their Allusions or Ambiguities And may not I take the same liberty of Speech that all the World has done before me for fear of angring you But I 'm confident what e're you say you don't really think such kind of Allusions ridiculous if you do you left your Memory surely in your other Breeches when you went last to the Press Pray Sir present my Services to R. L. and ask what 's the first Letter of that Gentleman's name who stylâ—s his Grace Guardian of Humane Nature and says May and Can are of the same Mood and Tense and talks of pure terse Good-man he would have said Terce humâ—ne Nature newly drawn out of the Clouds Who plays most Childishly with the Reverend B. O. â— for saying the Writes like one Puffed up as if he meant that he was Fat and Bloated when he is soberly attempting to Cure the Tympany iâ— his Mind Who tells me I am as utterlâ— undone as ever was Oyster and that his Caâ— was not free to be Roasted The same Figure all along to a Cows Thuâ—b These I only return you Sir to let the World see that however you hate these little things yet you can't forbear them more than others although by your quarrelling at them other-whiles you start a new Figure in Rhetorick called Autocatacrisis or Self-contradiction You complain indeed I now and then speak as some others have done before me and that the Humour is not my own as if you were for none but New Phancies new Stories new Proverbs new Old-sayingâ— all spick and span New But if this be a Fault you have no reason to call it so of any man living For did you make those Forms of Speeches so frequent wâ—th you Dunstable Stuff Catching old Birds with Chaff From Top to Toe Tumble down Dick Courage Cakes The Story of the Oyster Hogs to Rumford Novâ—rint Vniversi Sink or Swim The Whore of Babylon A Phancie of his Worships and Nineteen more I will not trouble my Head to remember Did you spin them all out of your own Brain Alas Sir they are not only Trite and Common but of as long standing as that of the Boy that made the Knife many of them are as Old as ever was Paul's or if that be yet too young as Old as Spilmans Trial Mr. Eaton's Goose or that of Iohn Hall the Capper you know where I am Nay had I nothing else to do I could Trace some of the most tolerable Humours in all your Works and shew the very Page and Line in Don Lucian and the other Don where you had them albeit you put them off for New as your Philautus does his borrowed Notions and own not those Old Gentlemen's kindness for fear of spoiling your Markets But for you to charge me with your own guilt Quis tulerit Gracchos For my part I love to speak in the Language of other men sometimes and do declare I suspect all things that have nothing but pure Terce
Heroick Magnarum usque adeo sordent primo dia rerum Another small mistake of yours is your Râ—peâ—tition of a great part of my Book and that more unfaithfully than I should have expected from any Scot and then Brandishing your Pen over it and Bragging it deserves no better Answer A very compendious and effectual way to Confute Turk and Pope and Iack of Cumberland to boot The spightful World Sir willnot be so civil as to suffer you or me to be Judges in our own cause and however we think very goodly of our own Brats yet they may possibly if there be no Byass in the case have a different Notion of them especially in a Summer morning when the Sun is got out of Aries 'T is you have taught me so much modesty I shall for ever own it as to think that I can not only maintain every Tittle I have said there but even a bad Cause upon occasion against you and two or three more such triffling Privateers But I am not bound to maintain the Wise Reasoâ—iugs and pleasant Consequences you so ingenuously and plentifully Father upon me Male dum recitas incipit esse tuum They are all your own Sir by a better Title than the Mad-man had to his Smyrna Fleet. I remember one Copie of the Vulgar Translation corruptly reads Evertit domum for Everrit and makes the poor Woman not Sweep but throws down the House to find heâ— lost Groat Now if one single Letter creates so great alteration in the case quoth Ployden what rare work for a Tinker may a man make that takes your liberty of changing whole Words Sentences and Sides What an easie matter it is to put a man upon the Rack and make him conâ—ess what you would have him To render Sermons or Books or any thing Ridiculous by Interlining making false Comments upon them by Reading them backwards or beginning them at the wrong end I would not for Two Pence Half Penny you had been a Scrivener or Lawyers Clerk lest peradventure some of the laâ—ty had then smarted for 't and been as Poor as you have made the Clergy But you must not dream Sir I have so little to do as to fall a Repeating after you to set all right and straight again as I leâ—t it yet this I 'll promise you that if you please to send me a Page of the best Sense that ever you was Master of I will only carry on this little Metaphor of yours and if I don't return it you as Senseless and Impertinent Stuff by the next Post as ever you met with I 'le be your Bondman and give you all the Causes and Effects too that that you and I shall deal in for ever In the mean time I must desire you once more to be ashamed of this easie piece of Foolery and if you have no better Friends about you to Learn a little Ingenuity of Achilles his Horse in Homer or Mycillus's Cock in Lucian for although the one Repeated a number of Verses the other a great deal of Prose yet neither abused the Authour or made him speak other than his own Sense I shall not disturb the Ashes of Old Ferdinando so far as to guess at the true reason why you would not Reply to my Book but why you would not let it alone neither why you must needs shew your Teeth when you could not Bite and neither hold me fast nor let me go is such a Riddle that I dedie any man that understands Trap to resolve it You tell me indeed that I Iump in some Passages with W. S. and that you had Answered him half a year before And is it not a strange thing that two several Men living perhaps above an Hundred Miles distant should speak sometimes to the same effect though Treating of the very same Subject Nay is it not stranger then that any man in his right Wits should deny that you have Answered the said W. S. Back-stroke and Foresstroke fully and throughly and killingly too For my part I meddle with no bodies Principles or Province but my own yet since you are so good at Answering pray answer me one Question Did you ever hear of St. Dunstan But did you ever see a little Book called the Method of Preaching Printed about Fifty years ago the Authour whereof writes himself T. V. as you do T. B They say he and you jump in your Notions that there you had your story of the Weepers though you have added two of your own to his Six and made it consist of Eight parts and to mention no more your Preface from Adam from his beginning of the World which some Ancient Historians will have to be much about the same time In some things indeed you seem to differ for He was a Divine you say you are none He pretends to Instruct young Preachers serionsly whilst you Laugh and Droll upon the very Old ones Now I am not so vain as from this and such like Instances to Indict you for a Plagiary but only to let you know that when ever you speak Sense or Truth somebody else hath done it before you so that you cannot claim the whole Credit thereof more than of your late happy Intention of English Exercises Nor do I stumble upon them again Sir out of a mere malicious design of moving your cholerick Particles but only because I am now passing on to consider your singular Antipathy to a piece of Greek or Latine for you proclaim open War and profess you hate it like a Viper or Toad as if the little Vermine struck so fiercely that he left his Sting behind him Now Sir were I disposed to Mischief what a fair Advantage have you given me to pelt you with 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and an hundred such Scraps every whit as significant as those soft Compellations of yours my Duck my Dear c. and then Tack about with a Tendimus in Latiam and give you a Broad-side there too But that were a Cowardly Triumph and I hate to use any true English man so Barbarously Nor will I renew the Question once put to a Dogmatical Philosophist after he had made a tedeous Harangue to Disparage and Vilifie the Tongues why he did not cut out his own But rather Argue the Busiâ—ess calmly and seriously with you I hope Sir you don't think there lies any Moral Turpitude lurking under the Skirts of those hateful Languages or that they are absolutely and point blanck against the Law of the Land Our Statutes for English Manufactures and the Encouragement of Trade were never intended to bolt out Learning and Latine sure as Forein Commodities I confess I love the Smoak of my own Country as well as you or any of them that were lately Press'd for his Majesties Service abroad but I would not willingly be such a meer English Machine as not to be able to Write a piece of Latine to borrow Money upon occasion or to teach a Thief his Neck-verse
Greek Hebrew Ethiopick Spanish French High German or any other Tongue I understand not or else you lose a Play-Fellow of me My meaning is Sir that 't is below Men of your Worth and Parts to Talk Home-spun Buffoonry and make Sport for the most Mechanical Rabble keep but out of their Reach and let us be Laught at only Nos inter nos and I shall rejoyce in your Company but otherwise I shall leave it And when you write to me in Latine I hope you will not trouble and charge me with a Packet of other Lumber again for â—our last Letter on that accompt cost me as much as would have furnish'd me with Intelligence for one quarter of the year In the next place Sir let me prevail with you not to think so briskly of your self and your own way as to despise all others that are either gone before or live with you You have written a Book of five pence price saith Arrian upon Epictetus though Learning is grown dearer since the Dutch war you have raised it to no less then five shillings at that you may value your self But yet you must not hence Collect that you are the onely man who have the World like a Ball at your foot and can send it which way you please 'T is possible some men may write as Bellerophon carried Letters to their own disadvantage and themselves may not be thought so wise and wonderful abroad as they are at home I read of a certain Chymist that wrote a Book too wherein he profess'd to extract Gold as you do Wit out of almost every thing and then presented it to Leo the Tenth not doubting but he should be gratified in most ample manner but his Wise Holâ—ness defeated all his hopes preseâ—tly and onely commanded he should be furnish'd with a very large capacious Bag to put the Gold he made into for that he seem'd to want nothing else And therefore I would not have you part with your Boccaline's place I gave you so freely no not for two hundred Guynea's till you are sure of a better for Preferments are grown scarce and dear and for ought you know the best of your Lay and Clergy Friends may give you the Bag especially since you have added a fresh affront to the Sacred Function and of a higher nature than those in the former Catalogue in Dedâ—cating a parcel of Trumperâ— Levâ—tâ—es and Falsities to the most Reverâ—nd Metropolitan of all England as if he must be thought at least to pardon your temerity and extravagance a thing you see I have not confidence to offer to the meanest Vicar in our whole Tribâ— Indeed you write not your Name in words at length for fear of the worst which I can attribute to nothing but your affection to new and singular things for I remember the old approved way of Addressing to Supeâ—iours and Persons so infinitely above distant from and withall so little related to Us was not to take the freedom Iack and Tom and all Familiars give each other but to Complement their Grandeur and bespeak their pardon in most humble wise with all the poor Names they had One thing more Sir and then I give my self and you no further trouble I must desire you in all love to wâ—an your self from that calumniating and deriding Humour you are so fond of other men know as well as you that the Vulgar are mostly of that Nature that they are hugely pleas'd and tickled when the business is carried on with Scoffing and Cavils chiefly when the most August Venerable and Sacred Persons or Things are prostituted and made cheap as Aristophanes brought the grave Socrates into a Play and told a number of forged Tales of Him as that he walked in the Clouds and gave the same reason of Thunder when he came down as of the Pesants Peasepâ—ttage grumbling in his belly and such like But I would not have you knowing the Mischievous Consequences follow such a lâ—ud Precedent nor imitate that invidious Theopompus who is said to write rather like an Accuser than Historian That Advice he gives his Son was intended for you also make your wit rather a Buckler to defend your self then a Sword to wound others For a word cuts deeper then a sharp weapon and is longer in Curing And the Proverb founded upon great Experience bids every man take heed of a Tongue that will cut his own Throat A little modesty blended together with as much Prudence never did any man hurt Now if you will take these Advisoes you may nay if not you may take your own course And so with my due respects to the whole Club wishing you all more Wit and my self more Money I bid you heartily Farewel POST-SCRIPT I Had almost forgot to tell you that I have made bold with you to Write the Prâ—face for me now the other Gentleman being not at Home to shew how great an Admirer I am of your Losty and Swaggering Style FINIS ERRATA IN the latter Preface Line 10. Râ—ad till the long Vacation p. 2. l. 3. r. Longisâ—imum p. 3. l. 13. dele nor p. 5. l. 1. r. Comparisons p. 6. l. 6. r. for sureness p. 7. l. 17. r. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 p. 9. l. 4. r. intimate ibid. l. 7. r. Curterius ibid. l. 10. dele it p. 10. l. 24. r. or Stephens ibid. 26. r. is theâ—e and shall be there p. 13. l. 18. r. risible p. 14. l. 2. r. and so full p. 17. l. ult r. but throw down p. 21. l. 8. r. invention ibid. l. 26. r. Latium p. 23. l. 14. r. to vend an ancient Authours sense for their own ibid. l. 20. r. affectations p. 24. l. 1. r. sometimes p. 44. l. 27. r. not to be p. 45. l. 2â— r. married Tully's Sanders de Oblig consc in praeâ—at De Oâ—ligat Câ—nsc prael 9. * Nihil est quin male narrando possit depravarier Terent. * Sâ—r. 1. ad Aulam Plaut in Amphit Maldon in Ioâ— an c. 6. Quod veram est meum est sive Epicuri sive aliorum Sen. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Luc. Aristoph in Nub.