many times the text we doe forget Thinke but of this and then the yeere before Must be abated halfe or some what more Thus many a Christian sixty yeeres hath trod The earth and not six months hath sem'd his God When we our liues vnequally thus share In thinking of it I am full of care I care in all my actions so to liue That no occasion of offence I giue To any man with either pen or tongue In name or same or goods to doe them wrong For he 's the greatest murderer aliue That doth a man of his good name depriue With base calumnious slanders and false liess T is the worst villany of villanies To blast a good mans name with scandals breath Makes his dishonor long furuiue his death For Infamie's a colour dyde in graine Which scarcebliuion can wash out againe As nothing's dearer then a mans good name So nothing wounds more deeper then desame Nature gaue man a paire of eares and eyes And but one tongue which certainely implies That though our sight and hearing still is free â—â— must we not speake all we heare or see Then he 's a Viper that doth lyes inuent To worke thereby anothers detriment T is sinne to slander a notorious Knaue But sinne and shame a good man to depraue Thus good or bad or whatsoe'r they are To doe to neither of them wrong I care I care to get good Bookes and I take heed And care what I doe either write or read Though some through ignorance some through spite â—â— said that I can neither read nor write â—â— though my lines no Scholership proclaime â—â— I at learning haue a kind of ayme And I haue gatherd much good obseruations From many humane and diuine translations â— was well entred forty Winters since â—â— farre as possum in my Accidence And reading but from possum to posset There I was mir'd and could no further get Which when I thinke vpon with mind deiected â—â— care to thinke how learning I neglected The poet * Part of the Bookes of â—â—ry that I haue read Quid or Ouid if you will Being in English much hath helpt my skill And Homer too and Virgil I haue seene And reading them I haue much better'd beene â—â—frey of Bulloyne well by Fairfax done â—â—â— that much loue hath rightly wonne Did Chaucer Sidney Spencer Daniel Nash â—â—dip'd my finger where they vs'd to wash As I haue read these Poets I haue noted * Bookes that I haue read of Poesie Much good which in my memory is quoted Of Histories I haue perusde some store As no man of my function hath done more The Golden legend I did ouer tosse And found the Gold mixt with a deale of drosse â—â— haue read Plutarchs Morals and his Liues And like a Bee suckt Hony from those Hiues â—sepbus of the Iewes Knowles of the Turks Marcus Aurelius and Gâ—â— works â—yd Grimstane Montaigne and Suetonius Agrippa whom some call Cornelius Graue â—â—â— and Câ—â—bden Purchas Speed Did Monumentall â—â—â— and Hollinshead And that sole Booke of Bookes which God hath giuen The â—â—â— Testanicâ—ts of heauen That I haue read and I with care confesse My selfe unworthy of such happinesse And many more good Bookes I haue with care Lookt on their goods and neuer stole their ware For no booke to my hands could euer come If it were but the Treatise of Tom Thumb Or Scoggins Iests or any simple play Or monstrous nowes came Trundling in my way All these and ten times more some good some bad I haue from them much obseruation had And so with care and study I haue writ These bookes the issue of a barren wit The most of them are verse but I suppose It is much ease to name them here in prose The names of many of the bookes that I haue written First the Sculler Vpon Coriat three merry bookes called Odcombs complaint Coriats resurrection and Laugh and be fat The nipping or snipping of Abuses Two mad things against Fenor Taylors Vrania The marriage of the Princesse An Elegy on Prince Henry Two bookes of all the Kings of England Three weekes three dayes and three houres obseruations in Germany Trauels to Scotland Trauels to Prague in Bohemia An Englishmans loue to Bohemia The Bible in verse The Booke of Martyrs in verse The praise of Hempseed A kicksy winsy The great O Toole Iacke a Lent The praise of Beggery Taylors Goose. Faire and soule weather The life and death of the Virgin Mary The Whip of Pride And lastly since the reigne of th' Emperour * I was much beholding to this Emperors name to make vp the meeter OTTO Was neuer seene the like of TAYLORS MOTTO All these and some which I haue quite forgot With care as is aforesaid I haue wrote I care how to conclude this carefull straine In care I care how to get out againe I care for food and lodging fire and rayment And what I owe I care to make good payment But most of all I care and will endeuer To liue so carefull that I may liue euer Thus without wronging any man a iot I shew I haue what euery man hath notâ— My wants are such that I forgiue them free That would but steale the most of them from me My cares are many as I here expresse Poore couzin Germans vnto carelesnesse I haue a knowledge some men will read this I want the knowledge how their liking is I care in all that I herein haue pend To please the good and shew the bad to mend And those that will not thus be satisfi'd I haue a spirit that doth them deride I flattry want mens likings to obtaine I care to loue those that loue me againe Thus be mens iudgements steady or vnsteady To like my Booke the care is tane already The Prouerb sayes that haste makes often waste Then what is waste impute it to my haste This Booke was written not that here I bosst Put houres together in three dayes at most And giue me but my breakfast I 'l maintaine To write another e'r I eate againe But well or ill or howsoe'r t is pend Lik't as you list and so I make an END ODCOMBS COMPLAINT OR CORIATS FVNERALL EPICEDIVM OR DEATH-SONG VPON HIS late-reported drowning With his Epitaph in the Barmuda and Vtopian tongues And translated into English by IOHN TAYLOR The Authour in his owne defence IF any where my lines doe fall out lame I made them so in merriment and game For be they wide or side or long or short All 's one to me I writ them but in sport Yet I would haue the Reader thus much know ' That when I list my simple skill to show In poesie I could both read and spell I know my Dactils and my Spondees well My true proportion and my equall measure What accent must be short and what at leasure How to transpose my words from place to place To giue my poesie the greater grace Either in Pastorall or
to eate Thou the true rules of Iustice dost obserue To feed the lab'rer let the idle sterue And I so many faithlesse men haue found As any man that liues vpon the ground Who haue done me wrong and themselues no good And swore and forswore in their damned mood Whilst I fond I haue lent and giuen away To such as not so much as thankes will pay For shame and modesty I name them not But let their black soules beare the impure blot Of falshood periury and odious lyes That diuels in shape of Mankind can deuise If these lines happen to their hands to come They 'l pick their teeth look downward and cry hum ' But goodnesse how should euer I expect From such who doe so true a friend neglect And therefore Thames with thee I haue decreed Because thou neuer faild me in my need To thee to thee againe I doe retire And with thee I le remaine till life expire The Oare hath foure or fiue vertues first it is healthfull second it auoyds bad company third it keeps men sober seurâ—h is gets mony fi lt it anoyds expences all which vertues I will put in practise and fall to rowing Thou art my Mistresse and oft times from thee Thy liberalitie hath flow'd to me And for thou alwayes giuest me meanes to linâ—â— My self most thankefully my selfe doe giue Momus thou Sonne of Somnus and of Nox Take not my lines all for a Paradox For most of them seeme true and I doe rue That many of them I doe know too true Sleepe Momus sleepe in Murceas slothfullbed Let Morpheus locke thy tongue within thy head Or if thou needâ—â— wilt prate prate to this end To giue commends to that thou canst not mend 'T is not a guilded Gull made vp with oathes That sweares and dams himselfe into good cloathes That weares his cloake beneath his skirts and wast Cause men may see how he is trust and brao'd Such a fantasticke aâ—â—e I care not for He flewts my lines and I doe him abhor My poore inuention no way is supply'd With cutting large thongâ— from anothers hide I haue not stolne a syllable or letter From any man to make my booke seeme better But similies comparisons each line Indifferent good or bad they all are mine Yet I confesse I haue read many a booke From whence I haue some obseruations tooke Which I make vse of as occasions touch And any Poet I thinke will doe as much I will not brag to all men bee it knowne By learning I haue nothing of mine owne But had I tongues and languages like many Sure I should filch and strale as much as any But like an Artlesse Poet I say still I am a Taylor true against my will Thus ending like to Iasons Golden-fleece This worke of Hempsecd is my Master-pâ—â—â—â— FINIS TAYLORS TRAVELS To Hamburgh in Germanie DEDICATED To the Cosmographicall Geographicall describer Geometricall measurer Historiographicall Calligraphicall Relater and Writer Enigmaticall Pragmaticall Dogmaticall Obseruer Ingrosser Surueyer and Eloquent Brittish Graecian Latinist or Latine Graecian Orator the Odcombyan Deambulator Perombulator Ambler Trotter or untyred Traueller Sir THO CORIAT Knight of Troy and one of the dearest darlings to the blind Goddesse Fortune Most worthy Sir as Quintillian in his Apothegmes to the naked learned Gimnosephists of AEthiopia very wittily sayes Potanto Machayo corbatio monomosco kayturemon Lescus Ollipufftingere whingo which is knowledge is a maine Antithesis to ignorance and paines and trauaile is the high way to experience I beeing therefore well acquainted with the generous vrbanity innated or rooted in your humanity in these dayes of vanity I dedicate out of my affability debility ability imbecility facility or agility this poore Pamphlet to your nobility in all seruility and humility not doubting but the fluent secundity of your wisedomes profundity in your heads retundity will conserue reserue preserue and obserue what I and my industrious labours deserue I doe out of mine owne congnition auerre and abett that he is senselesse that will assent that the Fates did assigne with their whole assistance that any should aspire to bee an associate in any assembly boldly to assimulate assay assault or ascribe to any mortall but your selfe super latiue marority or transcendency for trauailes obseruations and or atorie These things being reuolued and ruminated in the sagacitie or acutenesse of my Pericranion I imagined that no man vnder the Cope was more worthy then your selfe to be a Patronizing Poplar to shelter my poore reed-like endeauours Howsoeuer in the preter lapsed occurrences there hath beene an Antagonisticall repugnancy betwixt vs yet I hope time and trauaile hath worne it thred bare or brought it to an irrecouerable consumption withall I know you are vncapable of inexpugnable malice inueterate malignancy or emulation I protest tongue-tide taciturnity should haue imprisoned this worke in the Lethargicall Dungeon or bottomlesse Abisse of euer-sleeping obliuion but that I am confident of your Patronage and acceptance which if it fall out no according to any Promerits of mine but out of mine owne expectation of your matchlesse vnparalcll dd sposition I shall hereafter sacrifice whole Hecatombs of inuention both in Prose Verse at the shrine of your vnfellowed and vnfollowed vertues So wishing more to see you then to heare from you because Writers want worke and the Presse is turned voluntary through the scarcity of imployments which I hope your presence will supply I pray that Neptnne AEolus Tellus Bacchus and all the watery windy earthly and drinking Deities may be officious auspicious and delicious vnto you humbly imploring you to take in good part this my sophisticall paradoxicall submission with a mentall reseruation of my loue and seruice to sympathize or be equiualent to your kinde liking and corroborated affecting He that hath a poore muse to trot in your seruice with all obsequious obseruance IOHN TAYLOR TAYLORS TRAVELS Three VVeekes three Dayes and three Houres Obseruations from LONDON to HAMBVRGH in â—â—â— Amongst Iemes and Gentiles with Descriptions of Townes and Towers Castles and Cittadels artificiall Gâ—â—lowies Naturall Hangmen And Dedicated for the present to the absent Odcombian Knight Erraâ—t S r. THOMAS CORIAT Great Brittaines Error and the worlds Mirror VPon Saturday the 17. of August 1616. after I had taken leaue of some friends that would hardly giue me leaue to leaue them I was associated with fiue or sixe courteous Comrades to the Hauen of Billingsgate where I was no sooner come but I was shipt to a wherry for the Port of Grauesend and hauing two Women and three Men in my company thither wee past the way away by telling tiles by turnes Where one of the women tooke vpon her very Logically to defend the honestie of Brokers and she maintained her Paradoxicall Arguments so pithily as if her selfe like a desperate pawne had layn seauen yeares in Lauender on sweeting in long Lane or amongst the dogged inhabitants of Houndsditch And one of the men replyed that
loue thee hee is either a foole or a mad man indeed our first father was too diffident towards God and too credulous toward Thee our first mother was a lyar and our first brother was a murtherer this is the sweet kindred wee came of yet thou Obewitching world doest puffe vs vp with pomp making vs forget our originall and esteeme our selues Demie-gods when we are farre lesse then men there is a more resemblance of immortalitie in a suite in Law then in the life of a man and we are so credulous that when the whoremaster is called honest man the Knaue will belieue himselfe to be so Truth is and euer hath beene dangrous to be spoken It cost Iohn Baptist his head and Clytus his life World I haue two requests to thee which if thou grant mee I will neuer thanke thee the first is good cloathes for those beare a monstrous sway because I haue occasion to speake with great men and without good cloathes like a golden sheath to a leaden blade there is no admittance Secondly that thou wilt keepe close from my Readers all preiudicate opinions or let them be perswaded that this following Booke is not of my writing for oppinion doth worke much in such cases There were Verses once much esteemed for their goodnesse because it was thought that a learned Italian Poet named Sanazarus made them but afterward being found to bee of a poore mans writing they lost their estimation An Anthem was once sung before the Dutchesse of Vrbin and but slightly regarded but after beeing knowne that Iaquin de pris made it it was extolled So for my poore inuentions of my poorer selfe were it namelesse I am perswaded that it would passe more blamelesse howsoeuer world to thee I send it I know thou hast many humours and qualities and I hope to finde some of the best of them resoluing to take my lot as it fals with patience fortitude and as many vertues as I haue and more too knowing my selfe for two conditions to haue no fellow first in beeing a Sculler secondly a VVater-Poet of the last of which there is and shall bee no more I hope And knowing further that the way to immortalitie is euer to remember mortalitie and that death hath more manners then an Ague for death will bee a mans guest but once which when hee comes I wish all men readie to bid him welcome So world in plaine termes I tell you there is no trust in you yet I like a foole put you in trùst with my Booke the reason is I am wearie of you and it and take leaue to leaue you IOHN TAYLOR Errata or Faults to the Reader FAults but not faults escap'd I would they were If they were faults escap'd they were not here But heere they are in many a page and line Men may perceiue the Printers faults or mine And since my faults are heere in prison fast And on record in print are like to last Since the Correcters let them passe the Presse And my occasions mix'd with sicknesses And that foure Printers dwelling farre asunder Did print this booke pray make the faults no wonder I will confesse my faults are â—cap'd indeed If they escape mens Censure when they read No Garden is so cleare but weedes are in 't All is not Gold that 's coined in the Mint The Rose hath prickles and the spots of sinne Oft takes the fairest features for their Inne Below the Moone no full perfection is And alwaies some of vs are all amisse Then in your reading mend each mis-plac'd letter And by your iudgement make bad words â—ound better Where you may hurt heale where you can affect There helpe and cure or else be not too strict Looke through your fingers wink conniue at mee And as you meet with faults see and not see Thus must my faults escape or escape neuer For which good Readers I am yours for euer IOHN TAYLOR In laudem Authoris THou hast no learning yet with learned skill Thou dost write well although thy meanes be ill And if I could I would thy merits raise And crowne thy temples with immortall Bayes Thine in the best of friendship ABRAHAM VIELL TAYLORS VRANIA To the Vnderstander SEe here the Pride and Knowledge of a Sayler His Sprit-saile Fore-saile Main-saile his Mizzâ—â— A poore fraile man God wot I know none frailer I know for Sinners Christ is dead and rizen I know no greater â—inner then Iohn Taylor Of all his Death did Ransome out of Prizzen And therefore here 's my Pride if it be Pride To know Christ and to know him Crucifide 1 ETernall God which in thine armes do'st Graspe All past all present and all future things And in ineuitable doome dost claspe The liues and deaths of all that dyes and springs And at the doomefull day will once vnhaspe Th' accusing booke of Subiects and of Kings In whom though ending nor beginning be Let me O Lord beginne and end in thee 2 All cogitations vaine from me remooue And cleanse my earthly and polluted heart Inspire me with thy blessings from aboue That to thy honour I with Artlesse Art May sing thy Iustice Mercy and thy Loue Possesse me with thy Grace in euery part That no prophane word issue from my pen But to the Glory of thy name Amen 3 I doe beseech thee gracious louing Father Reiect me not in thy sharpe iudging Ire But in thy multitude of Mercies Rather Recall me to thee Recollect me Nigher My wandring Soule into thy bosome Gather And with thy Grace my gracelesse heart Inspire Dictate vnto my mind what it may thinke Write with thy Spirit what I may write with ink 4 Thou all things wast cu'n then when nothing was And then thou all things did'st of nothing make Of nothing All thou still hast brought to passe And all againe to nothing must betake When sea shall burne and lâ—â—d shall melt like brasse When hills shall tremble and the mountaines quakâ— And when the World to Chaos turneâ— againe Then thou Almighty All shalt All remaine 5 And since this vniuersall massie ball This earth this aire this water and this fire Must to a ruine and a period fall And all againe to nothing must retire Be thou to me my onely All in All Whose loue and mercy neuer shall expire In thee I place my treasure and my trust Where Fellon cannot steale or canker rust 6 All things but only God at first began The vncreated God did all Create In him Alone is equall will and can Who hath no ending or commencing date To whose Eternitie all time 's a span Who was is shal be euer in one state All else to nothing hourely doth decline And onely stands vpon support Diuine 7 Our high Creator our first Parents form'd And did inspire them with his heau'nly spirit Our Soules-seducer Satan them deform'd And from Gods fauour did them disinherit Our blest Redeemer them againe reform'd And ransom'd them by his vnbounded merit Thus were
the seditious kill'd That with the stench of bodies putrifide A number numberles of people dyde And buriall to the dead they yeelded not But where they fell they let them stinke and rot That plague and sword and famine all three stroue Which should most bodies froÌ„ their soules remoue Vnsensible of one anothers woes The Soldiers then the liueles corpses throwes By hundreds and by thousands o're the walls Which when the Romans saw their dismall falls They told to Titus which when he perceiu'd He wept and vp t'ward heau'n his hands he heau'd And called on GOD to witnes with him this These slaughters were no thought or fault of his Those wretches that could scape from out the City Amongst their foes found â—oth reliefe and pity If the seditious any catch that fled Without remorse they straitway strook him dead Another misery I must vnfold A many Iewes had swallow'd store of gold Which they supposd should help them in their need But from this treasure did their â—aâ—e proceed For being by their en'mies fed and cherisht The gold was cause that many of them perisht Amongst them all one poore vnhappy creature Went priuatly to doe the need of Nature And in his Ordure for the Gold did looke Where being by the straggling soldiers tooke They ript him vp and searcht his maw to finde What Gold or Treasure there remain'd behind In this sort whilst the soldiers gap'd for gaine Was many a man and woman ript and slaine In some they found gold and in many none For had they gold or not gold all was one They were vnboweld by the barb'rous foe And search'd if they had any gold or no. But now my Story briefly to conclude Vespasians forces had the walls subdude And his triumphant Banner was displaide Amidst the streets which made the Iewes dismaid Who desp'rate to the Temple did retire Which with vngodly hands they set on fire Whilst Noble Titus with exceeding care Entreated them they would their Temple spare Oh saue that house quoth he ô quench oh slake And I will spare you for that Houses sake Oh let not after-times report a Storie That you haue burnt the worlds vnmatched glory For your owne sakes your children and your wiues If you doe looke for pardon for your liues If you expect grace from Vespasians hand Then saue your Temple Titus doth command The Iewes with hearts hard offred mercy heard But neither mercy or themselues regard They burnd and in their madnes did confound King Salomons great Temple to the ground That Temple which did thirty millions cost Was in a moment all consum'd and lost The blest Sanctum Sanctorum holiest place Blest oft with high Iehouahs sacred Grace Where at one offring as the Text sayes plaine Were two and twenty thousand Oxen slaine One hundred twenty thousand Sheepe beside At the same time for an oblation dide That house of God which raignes aboue the thunder Whose glorious fame made all the world to woÌ„der Was burnt and ransackt spight of humane aide And leuell with the lowly ground was laid Which when Vespasian and young Titus saw They cride kill kill vse speed and marshall Lavv The Roman soldiers then inspirde with rage Spard none slew all respect no sex or age The streets were drowned in a purple flood And slaughterd carcasses did swim in blood They slew whilst there were any left to slay The ablest men for slaues they bare away Iohn Simon and Eleazer wicked fiends As they deseru'd were brought to violent ends And from the time the Romanes did begin The siege vntill they did the Citty win Sedition sword fire famine all depriues Eleuen hundred thousand of their liues Besides one hundred thousand at the least Were tane and sold as each had beene a beast And from the time it was at first erected Till by the Remanes it was last deiected It stood as it in histories appeares Twenty one hundred seuenty and nine yeeres But yet ere God his vengeance downe did throw What strange prodigious wonders did he show As warnings how they should destruction shun And cause them to repent for deeds misdon First the Firmament Th' offended Lord Shewd them a Comet like a fiery sword The Temple and the Altar diuers nights Were all enuiron'd with bright burning lights And in the middest of the Temple there Vnnat'rally a Cow a Lambe did beare The Temples brazen gate no bolts restraine But of it selfe it open flew amaine Arm'd Men and Chariots in the Ayre assembled The pondrous Earth affrighted quak'd trembled A voyce cride in the Temple to this sence Let vs depart let vs depart from hence These supernat'rall accidents in summe Foretold some fearefull iudgement was to come But yet the Iewes accounted them as toyes Or scarcrow buggâ—beares to fright wanton â—oyes Secure they reuell'd in Ierusalem They thought these signes against their foes not them But yet when â—â—â—â— and death had all perform'd When ruine spoyle furious flames had storm'd Who then the desolated place had seene Would not haue knowne there had a Citty beene Thus Iuda and Ierusalem all fell Thus was fulfill'd what Christ did once foretell Sad deseletion all their ioyes bereft And one stone on another was not left FINIS TO THE RIGHT HONOVRABLE AND TRVELY VER I VOVS LADY and Noble Patronesse of good endeauours MARY Countesse of BVCKINGHAM Right Honourable Madame AS the Graces the Vertues the Senses and the Muses are emblem'd or alluded to your Noble sex and as all these haue ample residence in your worthy disposition To whom then but to your selfe being a Lady in goodnesse compleat should I commit the patronage of the memory of the great Lady of Ladies Mother to the High and Mighty Lord of Lords And though I a Taylor haue not apparell'd her in such garments of elocution and ornated stile as befits the glory and eminency of the least part of her Excellency yet I beseech your Honor to accepther for your owne worth and her Sonnes worthinesse which Son of hers by his owne merits and the powerfull mercy of his Father I heartily implore to giue your Honour a participation of his gracious Mothers eternall felicity Your Honours in all humble seruice to be commanded IOHN TAYLOR The Argument and cause of this Poem BEing lately in Antwerpe it was my fortune to ouerlooke an old printed booke in prose which I haue turned into verse of the life death and buriall of our blessed Lady wherein I read many things worthy of obseruation and many things friuolous and impertinent out of which I haue like a Bee suckt the sacred honey of the best authorities of Scriptures and Fathers which I best credited and I haue left the poyson of Antichristianisme to those where I found it whose stomackes can better digest it I haue put it to the Presse presuming it shall be accepted of Pious Protestants and charitable Catholikes as for luke-warme Nutarlists that are neither hot nor cold they doe offend my appetite and
Greeke Whereas thy name thy age and Odcombs towne Are workemanly ingrau'd to thy renowne Beleaguerd round with three such female shapes Whose features would enforce the gods to rapes France Germany and smug-fac'd Italy Attend thee in a kind triplicity France giues thee clusters of the fruitfull vine And Germany layes out t' adorne thy shrine And Italie doth wittily inuite thee And prittily she sayes she will delight thee But yet thy entertainement was but bitter At Bergamo with horses in their litter Whose iadish kindnesse in thy stomacke stickes Who for thy welcome flung thee coltish kickes Thy begging from the high-way Purse-takers Describes thee for a learned wiseakers â—o thus thy single worth is praised double For rare inuention neuer counts it trouble With timelesse reasons and with Reasons verse Thy great Odcombian glory to rehearse But yet whilst they in pleasures lap doe lull thee Amidst thy praise egregiously they gull thee Th' art made Tom Table-talke mongst gulls and gallants Thy book and thee such esteemed tallants When they are tired with thy trauels treading Then hauing nought to do they fall to reading Thy wits false-galloping perambulation Which ease the Readers more then a purgation But to proceed I 'l recapitulate The praise that doth thy worth accommodate Thy Character in learn'd admired Prose The perfect inside of thy humour showes Attended with thy copious names Acrosticke To shew thee wisest being most fantasticke All these Noblemen and Gentlemen that are named in the following book did write merry commendatory verses which were called the Odcombian banquet and were inserted in Mr Coriats booke intituled Coriats Câ—udities Vpon which verses I haue seuerally and particularly paraphrased Next which in doggrell rime is writ I wot Thy name thy birth and place where thou wast got Thy education manners and thy learning Thy going outward and thy home returning Yet there I finde the Writer hath tane leaue Midst words that seeme thy same aloft to heaue That for no little foole he doth account thee But with the greatest vp aloft doth mount thee Th' art lik'ned to a Ducke a Drake a Beare A iadish Gelding that was made to beare An Owle that sings no wit to whit to who That nothing well can sing nor say nor doe Incipit Henricus Neuill de Aberguenie Then follows next a friend that faine would knight thee But that he fears he should do more then right thee Yet wheÌ„ his verses praise on cock-horse heues thee He found thee Thomas Thomas he leaues thee Iohannes Harringtonde Bâ—â— The Goose that guarded Rome with sentles gagling Is here implor'd t' assist the Ganders stragling A pen made of her quill would lift thee fooae As high as is the thorn-bush in the Moone Incipit Ludonicus Lâ—wknor Fooles past and present and to come they say To thee in generall must all giue way Apuleius asse nor Mida's lolling cares No fellowship with thee braue Coriat beares For 't is concluded 'mongst the wizards all To make thee Master of Gul-finches hall Incipit Henricus Goodyer Old Odcombs odnesse makes not thee vneuen Nor carelesly set all at six and seuen Thy person 's odde vnparaleld vnmatchd But yet thy Action 's to the person patch'd Thy body and thy mind are twins in sadnesse Which makes thee euen in the midst of odnesse What-â—r thou odly dost is eu'nly meant In Idiotisme thou art eu'n an Innocent Thy booke and thee are shap'd to like each other That if I looke on t 'one I see the tother Th' art light th' art heauy merry midst thy sadnesse And still art wisest midst of all thy madnesse So odly euen thy feet thy iourney trod That in conclusion thou art euenly odde Incipit â—â—â—nnes Paiton Iunior Thou saw'st so many cities townes and garisons That Caesar must not make with thee comparisons Great Iulius Commentaries lies and rots As good for nothing but stoppe mustard pots For Coriats booke is onely in request All other volumes now may lye and rest Blind Homer in his writings tooke great paines Yet he and thee doe differ many graines For in my minde I hold it most vnfit To liken Homers verses to thy Writ Incipit Henricus Poole Next followes one whose lines aloft doe raise Don Coriat chiefe Diego of our daies To praise thy booke or thee he knowes not whether It makes him study to praise both or neither At last he learnedly lets flie at large Compares thy booke vnto a Westerne Barge And saies 't is pitty thy all worthlesse worke In darke obscurity at home should lurke And then thy blunted courage to encourage Couragiously he counsels thee to forrage 'Mongst forraine Regions and t' obserue their state That to thy Country-men thou might'st relate At thy returne their manners liues and law Belcht from the tumbrell of thy gorged maw Incipit Robertus Philips This worthy man thy fame on high doth heaue Yet Mounsieur Leg-stretcher pray giue me leaue He saies that men doe much mistake thy age That thinke thou art not past the making sage T is hard to make a foole of one that 's wise For wit doth pitty folly not despise But for to make a wife man of a foole To such a Clarke we both may goe to schoole Yet much I feare to learne it is too late Our youthfull age with wit is out of date He sayes If any one a foole dares call thee Let not his thundring big-mouth'd words apall thee But in thine owne defence draw out thy toole Thy Booke he means which will his courage coole For why thy Booke shall like a brazen shield Defend thy cause and thee the glory yeeld An asse I 'm sure could ne'r obserue so much Because an asses businesse is not such Yet if an asse could write as well as run He then perhaps might doe as thou hast done But t is impossible a simple creature Should doe such things like thee aboue his nature Thou Aiax of the frothie Whitson Ale Let AEolus breathe with many a friendly gale Fill full thy sailes that after-times may know What thou to these our times dost friendly show That as of thee the like was neuer heard They crowne thee with a Marrot or a Mard Incipit Dudleius Digges Here 's one affirmes thy booke is onely thine How basely thou didst steale nor yet purloyne But from the labour of thy legges and braine This heire of thine did life and soule obtaine Thou art no cuckold men may iustly gather Because the childe is made so like the father In nat'rall fashion and in nat'rall wit Despight of Art 't is Nat'rall euery whit Incipit Rowlandus Cotton Columbus Magelan nor dreadfull Drake These three like thee did neuer iourny take Thou vntir'd trauelling admired iemme No man that 's wife will liken thee to them The Calfe thy booke may call thee fire and dam Thy body is the Dad thy minde the Mam. Thy toylesome carkasse got this child of worth Which thy elaborate wit produced forth Now Ioues sweet benison
Were by his reading graced and made better And howsoeuer they were good or ill His bourty shew'd he did accept them still He was so good and gracious vate me That â— the vilest wretch on earth should be If for his sake I had not writ this Verse My last poore dutie to his Royall Hearse Two causes made me this sad Poems wrue The first my humble dutie did inurte The last to shunne that vice which doth include All other vices foule Ingratitude FINIS FOR The sacred memoriall of the great Noble and ancient Example of Vertue and Honor the Illustrious and welbeloued Lord CHARLES HOWARD Earle of Nottingham Iustice in Eyre of all his Maiesties Forrests Parks and Chases on this side Trent Knight of the Honourable Order of the Garter and one of the Lords of his Maiesties most Honourable Pâ—iuie Councell Who departed this Life at his Mannour of Halâ—ing in Surrey on Thurseday the 14. of December 1624. and was buried at Rigate amongst his Honourable Ancestors the 20. of December last 1624. TO THE RIGHT HONORABLE Right Worshipfull of both Sexes who had either alliance by Marriage Consanguinity by Birth or bore loue to the Right Noble and truly vertuous deceased I Humbly craue your Worthinessetâ— excuse This boldnesse of my poore vnlearned Muse That hath presum'd so high a pitch to flye In praise of Vertue and Nobility I know this taske most fit for Learned men For Homer Ouid or for Virgils pen But for I with him haue both seru'd and sail'd My gratefull duty hath so farre preuail'd Boldly to write true Honours late decease Whilst better Muses please to hold their peace And thus much to the world my Verse proclaimes That neither gaine nor flattery are my aimes But loue and duty to the Noble dead Hath caus'd me cause these Lines be published And therefore I entreat your gen'rous Hearts Tâ— accept my duty pardon my deserts Beare with my weakenesse winke at my defects Good purposes doe merit good effects Poore earthen Vessels may hold precious Wint And I presume that in this booke of mine In many places you shall something finde To please each Noble will affected minde And for excuse my Muse doth humbly plead That you 'l forbeare to iudge before you read He that is euer a true wel-wisher and â—â—â—sequious Seruant to your Honours Worships and Noble Personages Iohn Taylor SOme few yeeres since I rode to my Lords Mannour of Halcing in Surrey where I presented his Lordship with a Manuscript or written Booke of the names and degrees of all the Knights of the Noble Order of the Garter since the first institution by king Edward the third which was of mine owne collections out of Windsor Cattle and some authontike â—â—â—â— His Lordship receiued it gratefully and rewarded me honorably in the which Booke was â—â—â— Anagram of his name and Earledome of Nottingham which â—old very 〈…〉 to be heâ—reâ—â—â— under Printed because it falles correspondent to the reuerence of his â—â— and the happinesse which the words import Charles Howard Earle of Nottinghame Anagramma O Heauen cals and hath true Glorie for me And happy was this happy Anagram Heauen calls Charles Howard Earle of Nottingham And he obeyd the call and gain'd true glory For change of earthly Titles transitory For the sacred Memoriall of the Great Noble and Ancient example of Vertue and Honour the Illustrious and welbeloued Lord Charles Howard Earle of Nottingham Iustice in Eyre of all his Maiesties Forrests Parks and Chases on this side Trent Knight of the Honorable Order of the Garter and one of the Lords of his Maiesties most Honorable priuy Councell WHat English Muse forbeares to shead a teare For Englands Nestor grauest oldest Peere Not onely old in number of his dayes But old in vertue all good mens praise Whose actions all his pilgrimage did passe More full of honour then his title was And though his corps be seuer'd from his spirit And that the world sufficient knowes his merit Yet shall my poore vnworthy artlesse Verse â—â— dutious seruice wait vpon his Hearse My selfe his Honour on the Seas attended And with his bounty haue I beene befriended And to acquite me from vnthankfulnesse My lines shall here my gratitude expresse No monumentall Marble reard on hie He needs t'emblaze him to posterity No flattring Epitaph he needs to haue To be engrau'd vpon a gawdie graue His life and actions are his Monument Which fills each kingdome Clime and Continent And when their memories shall stinke and dye Who in most stately sepulchers doe lay Then royall histories shall still relate To each degree or age or sex or state The vertue valour bounty and the fame Of Englands all-beloued Nottingham And Noble hearts his memory shall retaine Vntill the world to Chaos turne againe That yeere of wonderment call'd eighty eight When fraud and force did our destruction wait When Hell and Rome and Spaine did all agree That wee should vanquish'd and inuaded be Our foes at Sea thirty one thousand men With neere foure hundred ships and â—â—â—lies then Then this White Lyon rowz'd with â—â—â—â—â—ue Defending both his ounrry and his Queene Like second Mars to battell braue he wenâ— God making him his worthy instrument His Chiefraine Champion and his Generall With sixe score ships and Vessels great aâ—â—â—mall To conquer those that did for conquest â—â—â— And foyle the pow'r of Hell and â—â—â— and â—â— Then valour was with resolution mixt And manhood with true Fâ—uoâ—â— â—â—â— When death and danger â—â—â—â—tned euery where Braue Charles all â—earel 〈…〉 â—â—â— did encourage can When roring cannons counâ—â—â— heau'ns thunder And slaughteâ—d men their vessels â—â—â— vnder The Sun eclips'd with â—â—â—â— skies darke and dim And batt'ring bullets seuered â—im from liâ—â— When as that Sea might bee the Rea Sea call'd Then he with dreadlesse courage vnappaâ—l'd Like a bright Bâ—acon or a blazing Staire Approu'd himselfe a thunder â—â—olr of warre Whose valour and example valiantly Pursu'd and wonne a glorious victory And then by him through the Almighties hand Preserued from inuasion was this Land So that who euer shall his Tombe passe by And shall enquire who there doth buried lye If answere be but made He 's in this Graue Who did in Eighty eight this Kingdome saue Then is the â—otall told and seruice best Where with this little Land was euer blest At * 1596 Cales likewise the Sea-fight we did win By his direction and graue disciplin The Spanish ships soone from his force retir'd Some torne some sunke some taken and some fir'd And whensoere he gaue the ouerthrow He nere insulted ore his conquerd foe But like a Noble Lyon euery way He scorn'd to prey vpon a yeelding prey With pitty piety and true remorce His clemency was mixt with manly force Vnto his foes a noble care he had Nor would affliction to affliction adde So that his enemies much cause did find To loue and honour his true noble mind Yet 'gainst offenders he was sharply
warlike Persian Of Niâ—rods Race a Race of Kings descended Till in Astiages his stocke was ended For Cyrus vnto Persia did translate Th' Assyrian Soueraigne Monarchizing state Then after many bloody bruzing Armes The Persian yeelded to the Greekes Alarm's But smoake-like Grecian glory lastâ—d not Before 't was ripe it did vntimely rot The worlds Commander Alexander dyde And his Successors did the world deuide From one great Monarch in a moment springs Confusion Hydrâ—-like from selfe-made Kings Till they all wearied slaughter'd and forlorne Had all the earth dismembred rent and toâ—rne The Romanes tooke â—duantage of their fall And ouer-run captiu'de and conquerd all Thus as one nayle another out doth driue The Persians the Assyrians did depriue The Gracians then the Persian pride did tame The Romanes then the Graecians ouercame Whilst like a vapor all the world was tost And Kingdomes wer transferd from coast to coast And still the Iewes in scartred multitudes Deliuer'd were to sundry seruitudes Chang'd giuen bought sold from land to land Where they not vnderstood nor vnderstand To euery Monarchy they were mad slaues Egypt and Aram Caldea them out-braues Assyria Persia Gracia lastly Rome Inuaded them by heauens iust angry doome Four Ages did like â—â—â—â— of â—â—â— Heler passe 〈…〉 â—â—â—â— Age â—â—◠〈…〉 Tâ—â—â—â—â— and reuerend Iudges did decide â—he third by Kings â—â—â—â—ghtâ— he â—â—â—â—â— bad worâ—â— and â—â—â—â—â— The â—â—â—â— by Prophets who them blest or carst As their dread â—â—â—â—â—â—â—mmanded or forbid To blesse or curse â—â—â—â—o the Prophets did Our Saâ—â—â—â—r weeping on the â—â—â—â—â— did view The Câ—â—â— and â—â—retold what â—â—ould â—â—â—â—â— And in his â—ender pirty 〈…〉 Said Oh IERVSALEM IERVSALEM Thou ill'st the Prophets â—â—â—â— death didst ding Those that were lent thee â—â—â—â—â—â— grace to bring How oft and oft would â— for your owne good Haue gathered you as doth a â—â—n her brood But you would not and theâ—â—â— to you all Your houses shall to desoâ—â— on fall Which came to passe according as he said Which in the second part is here displaide THE LAST AND MOST LAMENTABLE Destruction of the Ancient Famous and Memorable Citty and Temple of IERVSALEM being destroyed by VESPASIAN and his Sonne TITVS COnfusion Horror Terror dreadfull Wars Demesticke for raigne inward outward Iars Shafts shot at Iuda in Ieâ—ouahs ire Infectious plague war famine sword and fire Depopulation desolation and The fiuall conquest of old Iacobs Land These are the Theames my mournfull Muse rehearses These are the grounds of my lamenting Verses Iosephus wrote these things in ample wise Which â— thus briefly doe Epitomize Which worthy Author in large scope relates His Countries alterations and estates The Bookes of his Antiquities doe tell How oftentimes th'arse how oft they fell How oft God fauour'd them how oft his frowne From height of greatnes cast them headlong down The Seuenth booke of his Warres declareth plaine How Roman Conquest did the Kingdome gaine How death did tyrannize in sundry â—â—apes In sword in fire in famine and in Râ—â—e Who loues to reade at large let him reade â—â— is Who likes compendious briefes let him read this Since Hebers sonnes the Country first enioyde Sixe times it hath beene wasted and destroyde Twice three times spoyld and thirteen times in all Wars force or Composition made it thrall Compare all wars that chanc'd since the Creation They all are nothing to their desolation No story or no memory describes Calamity to match old Isr'els Tribes For if each Land the bloody broyles recount To them 't were but a mole-hill to a Mouâ—t All which for sin in the Almighties fury Was heap'd vpon the sinfull Land of Iury And almost sixteene hundred winters since Did great Vespasian Romes Imperiall Prince With braue young Titus his stout valiant son Iudeaes King dome spoyle and ouer-run And with an Army Royall and renound They did Ierusalem beleaguer round With force with stratagems with warlike powers With Rams with Engines scaling ladders Towres With all the Art of either might or sleight The Romanes vpon each aduantage wait Whil'st the besieged that within did dwell Amongst themselues to fell sedition fell Like neigh'bring bauins lying neere each other One burnes and burning each one burne another So did the Iewes each other madly kill And all the streets with their slayne corpses fill Eleazer Simon Iohn all disagree And rend Ierusalem in pieces three These each contending who should be the chiefe More then the Romans caus'd their CouÌ„tries griefe Iohn scorn'd Eleazer should be his superior And Eleazer thought Iohn his inferior And Simon scornd them both and each did scorne By any to be rul'd or ouer-borne The Citty sundred thus in triple factions Most horrid bloody and inhumane actions Were still committed all impieties In sundry sorts of vile varieties All sacrilegious and vngodly acts Were counted Noble meritorious facts They striu'd each other to surpasse in euill And labor'd most most how to serue the Deuill These men of grace and goodnesse had no thought But daily madly 'gainst each other fought They hurly burly all things ouerturn'd Their store-houses with victuals down they burn'd With hearts more hard then Adamantine rocks They drailed Virgins by the Amber locks The Reuerend Aged they did rend and teare About the streets by snowie ancient haire Yong Infants some their harmlesse braines dash out And some on points of Launces borne about That 't is not possible to write with pen The barb'rous outrage of these deuillish men For they vnmindfull of the Romane force Themselues did waste spoyle without remorce Their cruel slaughters made their furious foes Relent and weepe in pitty of their woes Whil'st they relentlesse Villaines voyde of pitty Consume and ruinate their Mother-Citty The Channels all with purple gore o'r-flowde The streetes with murdred carkasses were strowde The Temple with vnhallowed hand defilde Respect was none to age sexe man or childe Thus this three-headed hellish multitude Did waste themselues themselues themselues subdude Whil'st they within still made their strength more weak The Roman Rams th'opposed walls did break Whose dreadfull battry made the Citty tremble At which the Factious all their powers assemble And all together like goods friends vnite And 'gainst their foes they sally forth and sight Like a swolne Riuer bounded in with banks Opposed long with Pike-like Reedy Ranks At last th' ambitious torrent breaks his bounds And ouer-runs whole Lordships and confounds The liuing and the liuelesse that dares bide The fury of his high-insulting pride Euen so the Iewes from out the Citty venter'd And like a sâ—ood the Romane Army enter'd O'rwhelming in their desp'rate madnesse all That durst withstand them or assault the wall They set the fearefull Engines all on fire And brauely fighting made their foes retire The battell done back came these hare-braind men And each the others foe deuide agen Pell mell confusion then againe began All order straight vnto disorder ran Their corne and victuals all consum'd with fire Their hunger-starued bodies 'gin to
pleasure And put repentance off to our last leasure To shew vs though we liu'd like Iewes and Turkes Yet Gods great mercy is aboue his workes To warne vs not presume or to despaire Here 's good example in this theeuing paire These seas of care with zealous fortitude This Virgin past among the multitude Oh gracious patterne of a sex so bad Oh the supernall patience that she had Her zeale her constancy her truth her loue The very best of women her doth proue Maids wiues and mothers all conforme your liues To hers the best of women maides or wiues But as her Sonnes death made her woes abound His resurrection all griefe did confound She saw him vanquish't and inglorious And after saw him Victor most victorious She saw him in contempt to lose his breath And after that she saw him conquer death She saw him blest a cursed death to dye And after saw him rise triumphantly Thus she that sorrowed most had comfort most Ioy doubly did returne for gladnesse lost And as before her torments tyranniz'd Her ioy could after not be equalliz'd Her Sonnes all-wondred resurrection Her Sauiours glorious ascension And last the Holy Ghost from heauen sent downe These mighty mercies all her ioyes did crowne Suppose a man that were exceeding poore Had got a thousand tunnes of golden ore How would his heart be lifted vp with mirth As this great masse of treasure most part earth But to be rob'd of all in 's height of glory Would not this lucklesse man be much more sory Then euer he was glad for in the minde Griefe more then ioy doth most abiding finde But then suppose that after all this lâ—sse The gold is well refined from the dresse And as the poore man doth his losse complaine His weath more pure should be relâ—â— againe Amidst his passions in this great reliefe I doubt not but his ioy would conquer griefe Euen so our bressed Lady hauing lost Her ioy her lewell she esteemed most Her all in all the heau'n and earths whole treasure Her gracious heart was grieued out of measure But when she found him in triumphant state No tongue or pen her ioy cou'd then relate She lost him poore and â—are and dead and cold She found him rich most glâ—â—â— to behold She lost him when vpon his backe was hurld The burthen of the sinnes of all the World She lost him mortall and immortall found him For crown of thorns a crown of glory crownd him Thus all her griefes her losse her cares and paine Return'd with ioyes inestimable gaine But now a true relation I will make How this blest Virgin did the world forsake 'T is probable that as our Sauiour bid Saint Iohn to take her home that so he did And it may be suppos'd she did abide With him and in his house vntill she dide Iohn did out-liue th'Apostles euery one For when Domitian held th' Imperiall Throne To th'Ile of Pathmos he was banisht then And there the Reuelation he did pen But whilst Iohn at Ierusalem did stay God tooke the blessed Virgins life away For after Christs Ascension it appeares She on the earth suruiued fifteene yeeres Full sixty three in all she did endure A sad glad pilgrimage a life most pure At sixty three yeeres age her life did fade Her soule most gracious was most glorious made Where with her Son her Sauiour her Lord God She euerlastingly hath her abode In such fruition of immortall glory Which cannot be describ'd in mortall story There mounted meelâ—e she sits in Maiesty Exalted there is her humility There she that was adorned full of Grace Beheld her Maker and Redeemers face And there she is amongst all blessed spirits By imputation of our Sauiours merits She there shall euer and for euer sing Eternall praise vnto th' Eternall King When she had paid the debt that all must pay When from her corps her soule was past away To Gethsemany with lamenting cheare Her sacred body on the Beere they beare There in the earth a Iewell was inter'd That was before all earthly wights prefer'd That Holy wife that Mother that pure Maid At Gethsemany in her graue was laid LENVOY This worke deserues the worke of better wit But I like Pilate say What 's writ is writ If it be lik'd poore artlesse I am glad And Charity I hope will mend what 's bad I know my selfe the meanest amongst men The most vnlearnedst that e'r handled pen But as it is into the world I send it And therefore pray commend it or come to end it FINIS TO THE RIGHT HONOVRABLE WORTHY and Learned Gentleman S r. THOMAS Richardson Knight Lord Chiefe Iustice of his Maiesties Court of Common Pleas and Speaker in the High Court of PARLIAMENT c. A double Anagramme THOMAS RICHARDSON AS MAN HONORDE CHRIT SO CHRIST HONERD A MAN YOur name includes that As Man honorde Christ So God againe through Christ honord a Man For if Man truely honor the most High'st Then Christ to honor Man both will and can Right Worthy Lord this in your name is true You honor Christ and Christ hath honord you RIGHT HONOVRABLE BVt that I am assured that your Noble disposition in all parts is sutable to the inside of this Booke I should neuer haue dared to Dedicate it to your Patronage for as it is a Diuine Poem so haâ—â— your Worship a religious heart As it hath an honest intention so haue you a brest euer full of â—â—â— thoughts which bring forth worthy actions as it is a whip or Scourge against all sorts of priat so hâ—â—e you euer beene an vfaigned louer of Courteous humanity and humility I humbly beseech your Honour although the method and stile be plaine to be pleased to giue it fauourable entertainment for the honesty that is in it and the dutifull affection of the Author Who is most obsequiously obliged to your Honour IOHN TAYLOR TO NO MATTER VVHO NO GREAT MATTER VVHERE YET TO BE READ THERE IS MATTER WHY ALTHOVGH NOT MVCH MATTER WHEN IT is no matter in whose hands or censure this my Superibae Flagellum or Whipping or Stripping of Pride fall into If it come into the view of true Nobility or Gentry I know it will be charitably accepted If into the hands of degenerate yongsters that esteeme Pride more then all the Liberall Sciences who account the foure Cardinall vertues inferiour to their owne carnall vices such a one will put me off with a scornefull tush a pish or a mew and commit my Booke to the protection of Ajax If a wise man reade it I know it will be discreetly censur'd if a Foole his Bolt is soone shot and I am arm'd against it if a Learned man peruse it he will beare with my bad Schollership if an vnlearned I care not for his opinion if a man of knowledge view it he will pardon my ignorance if an ignorant Asse see it he will bray out his owne if an honest rich man spy it he will be
the poorer in spirit though not in purse but if a proud Diues handle it he will esteeme it worse then his Dogges if a proud Courtier reade it hee will teare it to tatters whilst a Generous Affable Gentleman will louingly entertaine it If beauty chance to behold it it will bid it welcome if Pride stand not in the way if a strong man that is not proud of it grow acquainted with the contents of my meaning I thinke it will content him if Parents or children or all or any body that are not poysoned with pride doe but see or heare it distinctly read and vnderstand it with iudgement I am perswaded it will passe and repasse with friendly vsage but if any of the contrary faction come within the Aire of it they will vse it in some sort as bad as the hangman will vse them And So much for To no matter who It is no great matter where this be read for as a good man being banished is neuer out of his Country because all Countries are his so my Booke in Church Court Citty Countrey or Cottage is one and the same it may perhaps alter the place where it comes from worse to better but the place can neuer alter the honest intents of it from better to worse Therefore no great matter where To be read there is matter why because it strikes at the roote of a most deadly sinne which almost as bad as an vniuersall deluge hath ouerflowed the most part of the world and though the Preachers on Earth Gods Trumpets and Ambassadours from Heauen doe diligently and daily strike at this abomination with the eternall Sword of the euerlasting Word yet what they cut downe in the day like Mushromes it growes vp againe thicke and threeâ—old in the night for whilst the husband-man sleepes the enuious man sowes tares Wherefore I hauing a talent of knowledge lent me by which I know that I must render an account one day how I haue imployed it and hauing written neere forty seuerall Pamphlets in former times I purpose henceforward God willing to redeeme the time I haue so mis-spent imploying my Pen in such exercises which though they be not free from a rellish of mirth yet they shall be cleare from profanation scurrillity or obsceannesse I doe know Pride is at such a height that my Mole-hill Muse can neuer by mineing at her foote shake her head for where Diuinity preuailes not Poetry in meddling doth but shew the Suns brightnes with a Candle Yet forasmuch as I know that Pride cast Angels out of Heauen made diuels in hell threw man out of Paradise was a maine causer of the drowning of the first World is a deuourer of this world and shall euer be accursed in the world to come by this knowledge I haue with a mix'd inuectiue mildnesse shewed in this Booke the vanities of all sorts of Pride not that I hope for amendment but to shew my honest intendment I haue seene sixe or seuen fashion hunting Gallants together sit scorning and deriding a better man then themselues onely because either his Hat was of the old Blocke or that his Ruffe was not so richly lac'd his Cloake hath beene too plaine his Beard of the old translation his Bootes and Spurres of the precedent second edition and for such slight occasions a man hath beene slighted ieerd and wonderd at as if he had beene but a Zany to the fashion or a man made for the purpose for them to whet their scorne vpon and therefore to reade this there is a matter why It is not much matter when for be it read on Friday the Turks Holyday on Saturday the Iewes Sabbath on Sunday the Lords Day or on any day or all dayes nights or houres there is Diuinitie with Alaâ—ritie Poetrie with mirth and euery thing so interwouen one with another that if it please not the generality yet I hope in particularitie it will tolerably censur'd by all that hate Pride and loue humility And therefore not much matter when IOHN TAYLOR A FEW LINES TO SMALL PVRPOSE AGAINST THE SCANDALOVS ASPERSIONS that are either maliciously or ignorantly cast vpon the Poets and Poems of these Times THere doth a strange and true opinion runne That Poets write much worse then they haue don And how so poore their daily writings are As though their best inuentions were thread-bare And how no new things from them now do spring But all hath ref'rence from some other thing And that their daily doings doe reueale How they from one another filch and steale As if amongst them 't were a statute made That they may freely vse the theeuing trade And some there are that will not sticke to say That many Poets liuing at this day Who haue the Hebrew Latine Greeke at will And in th' Italian and the French haue skill These are the greatest theeues they say of all That vse the Trade or Art Poeticall For ancient Bards and Poets in strange toungs Compiled haue their verses and their songs And those to whoÌ„ those tongues are rightly known Translating them make others verse their owne As one that steales a Cloake and presently Makes it his owne by alt'ring of the dye So whole bookes and whole sentences haue bin Stolne and the stealers great applause did win And by their filching thought great men of fame By those that knew not the right Authors name For mine owne part my Conscience witnesse is In'er was guilty of such theft as this Vnto such robbery I could neuer reach Because I vnderstand no forreigne speach To prooue that I am from such filching free Latin and French are heathen-Greeke to me The Grecian and the Hebrew Charactars I know as well as I can reach the Stars The sweet Italian and the Chip Chop Dutch I know the man i' th Moone can speake as much Should I from English Authors but purloyne It would be soone found counterseited coyne Then since I cannot steale but some will spy â—le truely vse mine owne let others lye Yet to excuse the writers that now write Because they bring no better things to light 'T is because bounty from the world is fled True liberality is almost dead Reward is lodg'd in darke obliuion deep Bewitch't I thinke into an endlesse sleepe That though a man in study take great paines And empt his veines puluerize his braines To write a Poem well which being writ With all his Iudgement Reason Art and Wit And at his owne charge print and pay for all And giue away most free and liberall Two three or foure or fiue hundred bookes For his reward he shall haue nods and lookes That all the profit a mans paines hath gat Will not suffice one meale to feed a Cat. Yet still Noble Westminster thou still art free And for thy bounty I am bound to thee For hadst not thou and thy Inhabitants From Time to Time relieu'd and help'd my want I had long since bid Poetry adieu And therefore still my thankes shall be
to you Next to the Court in generall I am bound To you for many friendships I haue found There when my purse hath often wanted bait To fill or feed it I haue had receite So much for that I 'le now no more rehearse They shew their loues in prose my thankes in verse When death Mecanas did of life depriue Few of his Noble Tribe were left aliue This makes inuention to be meane and hard When Pride and Auarice doth kill reward And yet me thinkes it plainely doth appeare Mens writings are as good as e're they were Good lines are like a Banquet ill imployd Where too much feeding hath the stomack cloyd Good verses fall sometimes by course of fate Into their hands that are preiudicate And though the Writer n'er so well hath pend Yet they 'le find fault with what they cannot mend Thus many a learned well composed line Hath bin a Pearle that 's cast before a swine Or more familiarly to make compare Like Aqua vitae giuen vnto a Mare These fellowes glutted with variety Hold good lines in a loath'd saciety Whilst paltry Riming Libels Tigges and Iests Are to their appetites continuall feasts With which their fancies they doe feed and fill And take the Ill for good the Good for ill Whilst like to Mōkeyes scorning wholsome meate They greedily doe poysnous spiders eate So let them feed vntill their humours burst And thus much bold to tell them heere I durst That Poetry is now as good as euer If to bounty relieue her would endeuer Mens mindes are worse then they haue bin of yore Inuention's good now as it was before Let liberality awake and then Fach Poet in his hand will take a pen. And with rare lines inrich a world of paper Shall make Apollo and the Muses caper SVPERBIAE FLAGELLVM OR THE VVHIP OF PRIDE VVHen all things were as wrap'd in sable night And a If any man fetch his Story higher let him take my booke for nought Ebon darknes muffled vp the light When neither Sun or Moone nor Stars had shinde And when no fire no Water Earth or Wind No Haruest Autumne Winter when no Spring No Bird Beast Fish nor any creeping thing When there was neither Time nor place nor space And silence did the Chaos round imbrace Then did the Archwork master of this All Create this Massie Vniuersall Ball And with his mighty Word brought all to passe Saying but Let there be and done it was Let there be Day Night Water Earth Hearbs Trees Let there be Sunne Moone Stars Fish Fowle that flees Beasts of the Field he said but Let there be And all things were created as we see Thus euery sensible and senselesse thing The High-Creators Word to passe did bring And as in viewing all his workes he stood He saw that all things were exceeding good Thus hauing furnisht Seas and Earth and Skies Abundantly with all varieties Like a Magnificent and sumptuous Feast For th' entertainment of some welcome Guest When Beasts and Birds and euery liuing Creature And the Earths fruits did multiply by Nature Then did th' Eternall Trinity betake It selfe to Councell and said Let vs make Not Let there be as vnto all things else But LET VS MAKE MAN that the rest excels According TO OVR IMAGE LET VS MAKE MAN and then did th' Almightie Red Earth take With which he formed Adam euery limme And hauing made him breathed life in him Loe thus the first Man neuer was a Child No way with sinne originall defil'd But with high Supernat'rall Vnderstanding He ouer all the World had sole commanding Yet though to him the Regency was giuen As Earths Lieutenant to the God of Heauen Though he commanded all created things As Deputy vnder the King of Kings Though he I so highly here was dignifide To humble him not to be puff'd with Pride He could not brag or boast of high borne birth For he was formed out of slime and earth No beast fish worme fowle herbe weed stone or tree But are of a more ancient house then he For they were made before him which proues this That their Antiquity is more then his Thus both himselfe and his beloued Spouse Are by Creation of the younger house And whilst they liu'd in perfect Holinesse b Imperfect Holinesse and Righteousnesse Their richest Garments were bare Nakednesse True Innocency were their chiefest weeds For Righteousnesse no Masque or Visor needs The royal'st robes that our first Parents had Was a free Conscience with Vprightnesse clad They needed ne'r to shift the cloathes they wore Was Nakednesse and they desir'd no more Vntill at last that Hell-polluting sin With Disobedience soil'd their Soules within And hauing lost their holines Perfection They held their Nakednes an Imperfection Then being both asham'd they both did frame Garments as weedes of their deserued shame Thus when as sinne had brought Gods curse on man Then shame to make Apparell first began E're man had sin'd most plaine it doth appeare He neither did or needed Garments weare For his Apparell did at first beginne To be the Robes of penance for his sinne Thus all the brood of Adam and of Eue The true vse of Apparell may perceiue That they are Liueries Badges vnto all Of our sinnes and our Parents wofull fall Then more then mad these mad-brain'd people be Or else they see and will not seeme to see That these same Robes with Pride that makes them swell Are tokens that our best desert is hell a Comparison Much like vnto a Traytor to his King That would his Countrey to destruction bring Whose Treasons being prou'd apparantly He by the Law is iustly mg'd to dye And when he lookes for his deserued death A Pardon comes and giues him longer breath I thinke this man most madly would appeare That would a halter in a glory weare Because he with a halter merited Of life to be quite desinherited But if he should vainegloriously persist To make a Rope of silke or golden twist And weare 't as a more honourable show Of his Rebellion then course hempe or towe Might not men iustly say he were an Asse Triumphing that he once a Villaine was And that he wore a halter for the nonce In pride that he deserued hanging once Such with our heau'nly Father is the Case Of our first Parents and their sinfull Race Apparell is the miserable signe That we are Traytors to our Lord diuine And we like Rebels still most pride doe take In that which still most humble should vs make Apparell is the prison for our sinne Which most should shame yet most we Glory in Apparell is the sheete of shame as 't were Which for our penance on our backs we beare For man Apparell neuer did receiue Till he eternall Death deseru'd to haue And thus Apparell to our sense doth tell Our sinnes 'gainst Heau'n and our desert of Hell How vaine is it for man a clod of Earth To boast of his high progeny
such force as if her heart would breake At which I starting wak'ned from my dreame And made the Goores wrong my Muses theame I' arose put on my cloathes sate downe and than I tooke my Pen in hand and thus began â— From darke obliuious den I here let loose Th' imprison'd honour of the famous Goose In her creation and originall And after in the Law Leuiticall And at all times before and since the Flood Goose hath iustly gain'd the name of good â—o value her with any other Bird Comparisons are weake and meere absurd First for her flesh she is mans daily fare She 's good she 's cheape she 's plenty and she 's rare Sake her or rost her vse her as you will And Cooke her as she should be she 's good still But as great summes are made with little driblets So put the Hares head 'gainst the Gooses giblets And men may piece a dinner vp perhaps Which otherwise would rise with hungry chaps For the old Prouerbe I must here apply Good meate men may picke from a Gooses eye She is good fresh but better two dayes salted For then she 'le try if Ale or Beere be Malted Her greace is excellent prohatumest For such as numnesse in their ioynts molest For the Sciatica the Crampe or Gowte It either cures or eases out of doubt Mix'd with Stauesacre and Argentum vine â—â— will not leaue a man a Lowse aliue Her lungs and liuer into pouder dride And fasting in an Asses milke applide As an experienc'd cordiall for the Spleene As oftentimes it hath approued beene Her braines with Salt and Pepper if you blend And eate they will the vnderstanding mend Her Gall if one be but with drinke opprest Or meat or fruit and cannot well digest But swallow 't downe and take the 'tother cup And presently 't will fetch the rest all vp And thus a Goose for med'cine and for food â—â— haue Anatomiz'd exceeding good As for her qualities whil'st she doth liue She doth example and instinction giue Her modesty and affabilitie Shewes she 's descended from Gentilitie For if they be a hundred in a troope To a Barne doore in courtesie thei 'l stoope How neate comely they themselues will pick That no one feather out of order stick How grauely they from place to place will waggle And how like Gossips freely they will gaggle That sure I thinke the fashion of her prate Our wiues at Gossipings doe imitate In * A good Goose. pliâ—â—ie and in Gesner I doe finde That Geese are of strange sundry sorts and kinde In Scotland there are Geese which grow on Trees Which much from humane reason disagrees Bred by the Ayre and Sunnes all-quickning fire That ne'r was Egge nor e'r had Dam or Sire Then ther 's a Soleand Goose which they so call Because the female hath but one in all * Bookes which I neuer read Sole is as much to say as be alone * These â—oland Geese doe breed in a little Iland in Scotland two mile within the Sea called the Basse betweene twenty fiue and thirty meles beyond Batwick where they are in such aboundance that the Lord or Owner of the Iland doth yeerly receiue for these Geese two hundred pound sterâ—ing And neuer Soleand Goose did hatch but oâ—e Or else the name of them may well proceede From the Dams foot-sole whence they all do breede Which in her Claw she holds vntill it hatch The Gander fetches food the Goose doth watch The Winchester Goose. THen ther 's a Goose that breeds at Winchester And et all Geese my mind is least to her For three or foure weekes after she is rost She keepes her heat more hotter then a tost She 's seldome got or hatch'd with honesty From Fornication and Adultery From reaking Lust foule Incest beastly Rape She hath her birth her breeding and her shape Besides Whoremongers Panders Bawds Pimpes Whores Harlets Curtezans and such base Impes Luxurious letcherous Goates that hunt in Flockes To catch the Glangore Grinkums or the Pockes Thus is she got with pleasure bred with paine And scarce ere comes where honest men remaine This Goose is worst of all yet is most deare And may be had or heard of any where A Pander is the Cater to the Feast A Bawde the Kitchin Clerke to see her drest A Whore the Cooke that in a pockey heate Can dresse a dish fit for the Deuill to eate The hot whore-hunter for the Goose doth serue The whil'st the Surgeon and Physician carue The Apothecary giues attendance still For why the sauce lyes onely in his Bill There hath a Turkey at Newmarket bin Which to this Goose was somewhat neere a kin And some report that both these Fowles haue seene Their like that 's but a payre of sheeres betweene And one of them to set them onely forth Costs more the dressing then they both are worth This Goose is no way to be tolerated Bat of good men to be despisde and hated For one of these if it be let alone Will eate the owner to the very bone Moreouer it from Nature is contrary And from all other creatures doth vary For of all breeding things that I could heare The Males doe still beger and Females beare But this hath euer a Dam masculine Eagendred by a Father Feminine Quite kim kam wiw waw differing from all other The Sir's a Female and a Male the Mother But cease my Muse soyle not thy purer straine With such contagious mud rouze rouze againe From this polluted puddle and once more Take the same Theame in hand thou hadst before The Taylors Goose. BVt yet a little mirth doth make me stay A Taylors Goose comes wadling in my way A thing I cannot giue the Epithite Of Male or Female or Hermaphrodite Of Vulcans brood it is whose Dam and Sire Was windy bellowse smoake and flaming Fire By Nature it should much delight to lye For in a Forge it had Natiuity Yet it with lying doth no hurt commit Stealing is more addicted vnto it And yet to Steele it is so neere a kin That to be true it doth opinion win T is mittlo to the hard backe I am sure And 't is a dish will ten mens liues endure Be it of age a hundred winters long It is as tender as 't was when 't was young A Cooke from it can get but slender fees It hath no Gibblets like to other Geese It neither breeds nor feedes yet doth this good It doth helpe others to get cloathes and food And of all Geese shee 's tamest shee 's not roame This Goose a man may alwayes haue at home 'T is dyet onely for an Estrich tooth It cannot cog yet very much doth smooth It puts downe all the Fowles that ere man saw 'T is often rosted yet 't is euer raw It is a Bird that euery slut may dresse It knowes no warres yet euery day doth presse And to conclude it is a messe of meate Which whoso can
spoke The weights sell downe because the Iacke rope broke And he that of these lines doth make a doubt Let him sit downe and picke the meaning out FINIS TO ALL MY LOVING ADVENTVRERS BY VVHAT NAME OR TITLE SOEVER MY GENERALL SALVTATION REader these Trauailes of mine into Scotland were not vndertaken neither in imitation or emulation of any man but onely deuised by my selfe on purpose to make triall of my friends both in this Kingdome of England and that of Scotland and because I would be an eye-witnes of diuers things which I had heard of that Countrey and whereas many shallow-brain'd Critickes doe lay an aspersion on me that I was set on by others or that I did vnrgoe this proiect either in malice or mockage of Master Benjamin Ionson I vow the faith of a Christian that their imaginations are all wide for he is a Gentleman whom I am so much obliged for many vndeserued courtesies that I haue receiued â—m him and from others by his fauour that I durst neuer to be so impudent or inâ—atcfull as either to suffer any mans per swasions or mine owne instigation to incite â—â—â— to make so bad a requitall for so much goodnesse formerly receiued so much for at and now Reader if you expect That I should write of Cities situations Or that of Countries I should make relations Of brooks crooks nooks of riuers boorns and rills Of mountaines fountaines Castles Towres and hills Of Shieres and Pieres and memorable things Of liues and deaths of great commanding Kings I touch not those they not belong to mee But if such things as these you long to see Lay downe my Booke and but vouchsafe to reede The learned Camden or laborious Speede. And so God speede you and me whilst I rest yours in all thankefulnesse IO TAYLOR THE PENNYLES PILGRIMAGE OR THE MONEY-LESSE PERAMBVLATION OF IOHN TAYLOR ALIAS THE KINGS MAIESTIES WATER-POET HOVV HE TRAVAILED ON FOOT FROM LONDON TO EDENBOROVGH IN Scotland not carrying any Money to or fro neither Begging Borrowing or Asking Meate Drinke or Lodging LIst Lordings list if you haue lust to list I write not here a tale of had I wist But you shall heare of trauels and relations Descriptions of strange yet English fashions And he that not beleeues what here is writ Let him as I haue done make proofe of it The yeere of grace accounted as I weene One thousand twice three hundred and eighteene And to relate all things in order duly 'T was Tuesday last the foureteenth day of Iuly Saint Reuels day the Almanacke will tell ye The signe in Virgo was or neere the belly The Moone full three dayes old the wind full South At these times I began this tricke of youth I speake not of the Tide for vnderstand My legges I made my Oares and rowd by land Though in the morning I began to goe Good fellowes trooping flock'd me so That make what haste I could the Sunne was set Ere from the gates of London I could get At last I tooke my latest leaue thus late At the Bell Inne that 's extra Aldersgate There stood a horse that my prouant should carrie From that place to the end of my fegarie My Horse no Horse or Mare but gelded Nagge That with good vnderstanding bore my bagge And of good cariage he himselfe did show These things are ex'lent in a beaste you know There in my Knapsack to pay hungers fees I had good Bacon Bisket Neates-tongue Check With Roses Barberies of each Conserues And Mitridate that vigrous health preserues And I entreate you take these words for no-lyes I had good Aqua vita Rosa so-lies With sweet Ambrosia the gods owne drinke Most ex'lent geere for mortals as I thinke Besides I had both vineger and oyle That couâ—d a daring sawcie stomack foyle This foresaid Tuesday night 'twixt eight and â—â—â— Well rigg'd ballac'd both with Beere and Wâ—â— I stumbling forward thus my iaunt begun And went that night as farre as Aslington There did I finde I dare affirme it bold A Maydenhead of twenty fiue yeeres old But surely it was painted like a whore And for a signe or wonder hang'd at dore Which shewes a Maidenhead that 's kept so long May be hang'd vp and yet sustaine no wrong There did my louing friendly Host begin To entertaine me freely to his Inne And there my friends and good associates Each one to mirth himselfe accommodates At Wel-head both for welcome and for cheere Hauing a good New tonne of good stale Beere There did we Trundle downe health after health Which oftentimes impaires both health weaâ—â—â— Till cuery one had fill'd his mortall Trunke And onely Nobody was three parts drunke The morrow next Wednesday Saint Swithens day â—rem ancient Islengton I tooke my way â—â— Hollywell I was inforc'd carrowse â—â—le high and mightie at the Blind-mans house â—ut ther 's a helpe to make amends for all That though the Ale be great the Pots be small â—t High-gate hill to a strange house I went And saw the people were to eating bent â—â—either borrow'd Crau'd Ask'd Begg'd or Bought â—ut most laborious with my teeth I wrought â— did not this 'cause meate or drinke was â—cant â—ut I did practise thus before my want â—â—ike to a Tilter that would winne the prize Before the day hee 'le often exercise â— I began to put in vre at first These principles 'gainst hunger 'gainst thirst â—â—lose to the Gate there dwelt a worthy man That well could take his whiffe quaffe his Can â—â—ight Robin Good-fellow but humours euill â—oe call him Robin Fluto or the Deuill â—ot finding him a Deuill freely harted With friendly farewels I tooke leaue and parted And as alongst I did my Iourney take â—dranke at Broomes well for pure fashions sake â—wo miles I trauelled then without a bayte â—he Sarazens head at Whetstone entring straight â—found an Host might lead an Host of men â—ceeding Fat yet named Lean and Fen. And though we make small reckoning of him here â—â—ce's knowne to be a very Great man there There I tooke leaue of all my Company â—ade all farewell yet spake to No-body â—ood Reader thinke not strange what I compile â—or No-body was with me all this while And No-body did drinke and winke and scinke And on occasion freely spent his Chinke â—any one desire to know the man â—alke stumble Timndle but in Barbican â—her's as good Beere and Ale as euer twang'd And in that street kind No-body is hang'd â—â— leaning him vnto his matchlesse fame â—o St. Albanes in the Euening came Where Master Taylor at the Sarazens head â—nask'd vnpaid for me both lodg'd and fed â—â—â— Tapsters Hostlers Chamberlaines and all â—i'd me a labour that I need not call â—he Iugges were fild fild the cups went round â—â—â—d in a word great kindnes there I found â—â— which both to my Cousin and his men â—â— still be thankefull in word deed and pen. â—â— Thursday morning there I made my
rest he 's one that I must thanke With his good wife and honest brother Frank. Now for the City 'T is of state and Port Where Emperors Kings haue kept their Court 939 yeere the foundation Was layd before our Sauiours Incarnation By * Ebrank was the fift K. of Britain after Brule Ebrank who a Temple there did reare And plac'd a * An Arch-Flamâ—â— which was as an idolatrous high Priest to Dians Flammin to Diana there But when King Lucius here the Scepter swaid The Idols leuell with the ground were layd Then Eleutherius Romes high Bishop plac'd An Archbishop at Yorke with Titles grac'd Then after Christ 627. Was Edwin * Edwin and his whole family were baptized on Easter day the 12. of Aprill 6 7â— baptiz'd by the grace of heauen He pluck'd the Minster down that then was wood And made it stone a deed both great and good The City oft hath knowne the chance of warres Of cruell forraigne and of home-bred iarres And those that further please thereof to read May turne the volumes of great Hollinshead 'T is large 't is pleasant and magnificent The Norths most fertile famous ornament 'T is rich and populous and hath indeed No want of any thing to serue their need Abundance doth that noble City make Much abler to bestow then need to take So farewell Yorke * Yorkshire the greatest shire in England and 308. â—â—â— about Speed the tenth of August then Away came I for London with my men To dinner I to Pomfret quickly rode Where good hot Venison staid for my abode I thanke the worshipfull George Shillito He fill'd my men and me and let vs goe There did I well view ouer twice or thrice A strong a faire and ancient Edifice Reedifi'd where it was ruin'd most At th' high and hopefull Prince * Pomfret Castle of Wales his cost I saw the roome where Exton * Prince Charles and his rowt Of Traytors Royall Richards braines beat out And if that King did strike so many blowes As hackes and hewes vpon one pillar showes There are one hundred slashes he withstood Before the Villaines shed his Kingly blood From Pomfret then vnto my noble friend Sir Robert Swift at Doncaster we wend An ancient Knight of a most generous spirit Who made me welcome farre beyond my merit From thence by Newarke I to Stamâ—ord past And so in time to London at the last With friends and neighbors all with louing hearts Did welcome me with pottles pintes and quarts Which made my Muse more glib and blythe to tell Thistory of my Voyage So farewell * Sir Pierce of Exton Knight King Richard the second murdered there An Epilogue Thus haue I brought to end a worke of paine I wish it may requite me with some game For well I wote the dangers where I ventered No full bag'd man would euer durst haue entered But hauing further shores for to discouer Hereafter now my Pen doth here giue ouer FINIS THE GREAT O TOOLE ENglands Scotlands Irelands Mirror Mars his fellow Rebels Terror These lines doe gallop for their pleasure Writ with neither feet or measure Because Prose Verse or Anticko Story Cannot Blaze O Tooles great Glory GReat Moguls Landlord and both Indies King Whose selfe-admiring Fame dot â— lowdly ring Writes 4. score yeeres More Kingdomes he hath right to The Starres say so And for them be wiâ— Fight toâ— And though this worthlesse Age will not beleeue him But clatter spatter slander scoffe and grieue him Yet he and all the world in this agree That such another TOOLE will deuer bee AN ENCOMIVM OR ENCO-MI-ASS TRICK DEDICATED TO THE VNLIMITED memory of Arthur O Toole or O Toole the Great Being the Sonne and Heire of Brian O Toole Lord of Poores Court and farre Collen in the County of Dublin in the Kingdome of Ireland The Marâ— and Mercury the Agamemnon and Vlisses both for Wisdome and Valour in the Kingdomes of Great Britaine and Ireland Prologue BRaue Vsquebough that fierce Hibernian liquor Assist my braine and make my wit run quicker To heat my Muse like to a well warm'd Chimney I beg thy merry ayde kinde Polyhimny I list not to call Fables into question Nor of Baboones or idle bables jest I on And yet if Sence or reason heere you looke for For neither or for either read this Booke for And if perchance I doe in any word lye Doe as I writ it reade it o'r absurdly Though in these daies there are a Crew of fond men That for inuention striue to goe beyond men And write so humerous Dogmaticall To please my Lord and Lady what d' ee Cail With Inkehorne tearms stiffe quilted bumbastâ—â— And though not vnderstood yet are well tasted And therefore I 'l not reach beyond the bounds of My weake capacity nor search the sounds of Deepe Natures secrets or Arts spacious cirquit My Muse is free from those my selfe will her quâ— But leauing idle toyes with toyle endure I on To write the praise of this braue bold Centutiâ—â— THE ARGVMENT AND MEANING of this following History IN all Ages and Countries it hath euer bin knowne that Famous men haue florished whose worthy Actions and Eminency of place haue euer beene as conspicuous Beacons Burning and blazing to the Spectators view the sparkes and flames whereof hath sometimes kindled Courage in the most coldest and Effeminate Cowards as Thersites amongst the Grecians Amadis de Gaule Sir Huon of Burdeaux in France Sir Beuis Gogmagog Chinon Palmerin Lancelot and Sir Tristram amongst vs here in England Sir Degre Sir Grime and Sir Gray Steele in Scotland Don Quixot with the Spaniards Gargantua almost no where Sir Dagonet and Sir Triamore any where all these and many more of the like Raâ—â— haue fill'd whole Volumes with the ayrie Imaginations of their vnknowne and vnmatchable worths Sâ— Ireland amongst the rest had the Honor to produce and breed a sparke of Valour Wisedome and Magninimity to whom all the Nations of the world must giue place The Great O Toole is the toole that my Muse takes in hand whose praises if they should be set forth to the full would make Apollo and the Muses Barren To whom the nine Worthies were neuer to be compared betwixt whom and Haniball Scipio the Great Pompey or Tamberlaine was such oddes that it was vnfit the best of them should â—ell his stirrop and who by his owne Report in whom Ireland may reioyce and England be merry whose Youth was Dedicated to Mars and his Age to Westminster which ancient Cittie is now honour'd with his beloued Residence To the Honour of the Noble CAPTAINE O TOOLE THou Famous man East West and North and Southward â—om Boreas cold rump t' Austers slauering mouthward â—all Apolloes daughters all to witnes â—uch would I praise thee but my Wit wants fitnesâ— â—â— thou thy selfe of thy selfe canst speake so-well â—â—ut though my Rimes not altogether goe-well â—â—et if the worlds applause would not
to euery Reader doe I write But onely vnto such as can Read right And with vnpartiall censures can declare As they find things to iudge them as they are For in this age Criticks are such store That of a B. will make a Battledore Swallow downe Camells and at Gnats will straine Make Mountaines of small Molehills and againe Extenuate faults or else faults amplifie According as their carping censures flye Such are within the Motto of I haue But though the gallant Gulls be ne'r so braue And in their owne esteeme are deemed wise I haue a mind their follies to despise There are some few that wil their iudgement season With mature vnderstanding and with reason And call a spade a spade a Sicophant A flatt'ring Knaue and those are those I want For those that seeme to read and scarce can spell Who neither point nor keepe their periods well Who doe a mans inuention so be-martyr So hanging drawing and so cut and quarter Making good lines contemptible threed-bare To keepe my booke from such as those I care Adue IOHN TAYLOR TAYLORS MOTTO ET HABEO ET CAREO ET CVRO. I HAVE I VVANT I CARE IS any man offended marry gep With a horse nightcap doth your Iadeship skip Although you kicke and fling and wince and spurn Yet all your Colts-tricks will not serue your turne Vice hath insected you 'gainst vertues force With more diseases then an aged horse * If all â—â—adeâ— saâ—e of VVaterman I will turne Farrier I doe not thinke that any Horse leâ—ch can blazon such a pedigree of matching nâ—ladiâ—s For some of you are hide-bound greedily Some haue the yellowes of false Ielousie Some with the staggers cannot stand vpright Some blind with Bribes can see to doe no right Some foundred that to Church they cannot goe Broke-winded some corrupted breath doth blow Some hoofe-bound some surbated and some graueld With trauelling where they shuld not haue traueld Some are crest-falne through th' immoderate vice Of gorgeous outsides smoake and drinke and dice And some are full of â—allenders and scratches The neck-cricke spauins shouldersplat and aches The ring-bone quitter-bone bots botch and scab And nauelgall with coursing of the Drab The back gall light-gall wind-gall shackle-gall And last the spur-gall the worst gall of all A good found horse needs not my whip to feare For none but Iades are wrung i' th withers here And doe these Hackneyes thinke to runne on still Without a bit or snafsle as they will And head-strong prancing through abuses dash And scape without a Satyrs yerking lash No they must know the Muses haue the might The vniust iustly to correct and smite To memorize victorious Vertues praise To make mens same or shame out-liue their dayâ— To force iniustice though it doe looke bigge With his owne nayles his cursed graue to digge T'emblaze the goodnesse of a man that 's poore And tell the vices of an Emperour All this the Muses dare and will and can Not sparing fearing flattring any man And so dare I if I iust cause doe see To write from feare or hate or flattry free Or taxing any in particulere But generall at all is written here For had I meant the Satyre to haue plaid In Aqua fortis I would whips haue laid And mixt my inke to make it sharpe with all With sublimate and Cockatrices gall Which with a Satyres spleene and fury fierce With the least ierke would to the entrailes pieâ—e And with a lash that 's lustily laid on Would strip and whip the world vnto the bone I know that none at me will spurne or kicke Whose consciences no villany doth pricke And such as those will in their kennels lye And gnar and snarle and grumble secretly But with full mouth they dare not barke or bite But fret within with rancor and despight For why before the world I make a vow There doth not liue that male or female now 'Gainst whom I haue so much as is a thought Much lesse against them are my Verses wrought This Motto in my head at first I tooke In imitation of a better Booke And to good mindes I no offence can giue To follow good examples whilst I liue â—or I had rather to abide detraction â—â—â—od be an Ape in any honest action â—hen wilfully into a fault to runne â—â—hough it before had by a King bin done â—â—e not here reuil'd against my betters â—hich make me fear no dungeon bolts or fetters â—or be he ne'r so great that doth apply â—â—y lines vnto himselfe is worse then I. â—mooth is my stile my method meane and plaine â—ee from a railing or inuectiue straine â—â— harmeleffe fashion here I doe declare â—ine owne rich wants poore riches and my care â—nd therefore at my wants let no man grieue â—xcept his charges will the same relieue â—nd for my Wealth except a rotten Boat â—â— neuer feared the cutting of my throat â—â—nd those that for my cares doe enuy me â—â—all in them if they list great sharers be â—â—ll my taxations are in generall â—â—oe any personall or nationall â—he troubles now in France I touch not here â—or of the Britainâ— Fleete before Argiâ—re â—or of the forces that the Turke doth bring â—gainst the Poland Kingdome and their King â—f Count Buckoy of Beth'lem Gabor or Of Spinola or any Ambassador Nor Denmarks King nor of the Emperour Nor Netherlands great Nauigable pow'r Nor of Religious points my Muse doth chant Of Roâ—â—ish Catholicke or Protestant Of Brownist Hussite or of Caluinist â—â—minian Puritan or Familist Nor against Corporation trade or Art My poore inuention speakes in any part And therefore Critticke snarle and snap and hang â—f inwardly thou feele my Satyres sang â—is wisedome in thee if thy spleene thou hide And mend thy selfe before thy faults be spide Thus as I boldly haue begun to enter Couragiously I 'l thorow the businesse venter Et Habeo I haue I Haue a Soule which though it be not good 'T was bought at a deare rate my Sauiours Blood And though the Diuell continually doe craue it Yet he that bought it hath most right to haue it I with my soule haue power to vnderstand The summe of my Creators great Command And yet I haue a Law within me still That doth rebell against his Sacred Will But though through merit I haue Hell deseru'd Through Mercy yet I haue a Heau'n reseru'd I haue a reason which can difference make 'Twixt good and bad to choose and to forsake I haue a working forward and free will Wherewith I haue inclined to doe ill I haue a Conscience which doth tell me true That for my sinnes the wrath of God is due And to relieue that Conscience terrifi'd I haue a Faith in Iesus Crucifi'd I haue a iudgement by the which I see And iudge how good and bad things different bee And with iust Censure I distinguish can The oddes beeweene a monster and a man But when with iudgement on my selfe I looke I straight wayes
befall the Barne How quickly it the fathers wit could learne So thou nor male nor female art by right But both in one a true Hermaphrodite That man may well be call'd an idle mome That mocks the Cocke because he weares a combe A man to better vse may put his tongue Then flowt an Asse because his eares be long To thee alone in Tropes sophisticall These lines are writ in speeches mysticall The Moones own man that bears the bush of them May rue the time that e'r thy selfe wast borne Thou hast beene whereas he hath neuer beene And seene more sights then Luna's man hath seene Cast lots with him for why I thinke it fit Thou hadst his bush to shrowd thy nat'rall wit T is pitty Calculations of thy birth Should be diuulg'd about this massie earth For out of it each foole would matter pike By Obseruation to beget thy like Incipit Robertus Taxley Now Mounsieur Coriat enuy not the Sculler Here 's one would haue thy coat of many a culler And as befits thy person he thinks best Thou had'st a cap and Cocks-combe for thy crest And 'cause a traueller may boldly lye A whetstone Embleme-wise must hang thereby And at the last he ends in pleasant sort And saies Thy booke and thee were made for sport Incipit Iohannes Strangwaies This Gentleman thy trauels doth aduance Aboue Kemps Norwich anticke Morris-dance And hauing grac'd thy fame with praises meet Talkes of thy shooes and of thy galled feet And how thou thought'st the Iewes were too too cruel And ranst away from them to saue thy iewel Thy heeles there help'd thee nimbly in thy flight Since which thy hands haue done much more to wright Incipit Gulielmus Clauel Here 's one whose Muse was couiur'd from her sleep And being rapt with admiration deepe Thy booke he titles Gogmogog the huge Thy shield of safety and thy wits refuge Iohannes Scorie Here 's one that mounts thy same beneath the sky And makes thee famous for Cosmography He saies but sure he either iests or flouts Thou drew'st a Map when first thou pist thy clouts And how it was allotted thee by fate As soone as thou wast borne to talke and prate For as a candle 's stuft with cotton weeke So thou art cramm'd vp to the brim with Greeke As Asia and to Affricke prethee goe Let them like Europe thy rare vertues know And make thy Booke thy Buckler 'gainst all euill Whose grim aspect will terrifie the diuell Iohannes Donne Another here thy lâ—ooke doth much commend That none can studie it to any end Without or head or foot or top or taile Yet like a sauage monster dares assaile The front of sadnesse who with anticke grinning Applauds thee without ending or beginning Great Lunaticke I thinke thou'lt ne'r be full Vntill the world cannot containe thy skull And like a foot-ball cram the vaulty skies Because earth aire nor sea cannot suffice The greatnesse of thy Fame thy booke and thee All three in one and one compact of three Yet here 's a Prophecie concernes thee much Which doth thy booke and thee too neerely tutch Both gulls and gallants thy poore brat bereaues And from thy booke shall rend both lims leaues To wrap vp pepper ginger cloues and mace And drie Tobacco in each skuruie place To fold vp drugs and pilles for Physicks vse And serue for each Mechanicall abuse But I not minding with thy state to slatter Thinke 't will be vs'd in many a priuie matter Thou o'r thy wit dost keepe such carefull watch That from thee one can hardly any catch And sooth to say his conscience is but little Which in his wants would seeke to rob the Spittle Thy wits exchequer hath bin ouer-kinde That much I feare there 's little left behinde But thou braue man bidst freely farewell it We 'll raise Fifteenes and Subsidies of wit Shall fill thy seruiceable pate againe Whose poÌ„drous waight shal tire thy bearing brain Then seare not man but spend it whilst thou hast it To doe thy Countrey seruice 't is not wasted This Author saies thy book o'r-throwes him quite And therefore bids both it and thee good night The greatnesse of it puts him in such feares That he 'll reade neither all nor none he sweares Richardus Martin This friend of thine thy wisedome cannot mocke Yet he intitles thee an Od comb'd cocke 'T had bin all one if at thy comming home He had but plac'd the cocke before the combe To make thy name more learnedly appeare He calls thee here an Od comb'd Chanticleere I knew not who this should bee but it is the next English to Mr. Laurence Whitakers Out-landish Now here 's another like a true Attourney Pleades very wisely and applauds thy iourney And faies thy trauels thou didst so decipher As well the world may see thou art no cipher And how thy booke so liuely out doth show thee That whosoe'r doth see 't must truly know thee Hugo Holland This man doth praise thy totterd ragged shirt Thy shooes and shanks at all he hath a flirst And like a patient bearing Asse he saies Thou bear'st thy load through faire foulest waies And for in carriage thou didst proue so able At night thou laist with Iades within a stable Thou wast not onely in thy pace an asse But thou all other asses didst surpasse All beasts in knowledge were to thee but weake For thou the tongue of Balaamâ— asse didst speake But much I feare thy booke in print will staine Because thou art not di'da â—â—â— in graine The Preamble to the Paralel and the Epilogue Againe this Author thinkes it no great slander To say thou fitly maist be call'd a Gander Braue trotting traueller thy fame he hisses And makes thy wit inferiour to Vlisses And if he laugh not at thee much he feares In angry spleene thou 'lt haue him by the cares Therefore hee 'l laugh at thee and so will I. In hope to scape thy furious rage thereby Next in the ancient famous Cambrian tongue To call thee noddy he accounts no wrong T' interpret this I need to goe to Schoole I wot not what he meanes except a â—â—â— Robertus Riccomontanus A large relation this thy friend did write Describing thee a monstrous man of might And bids thee venter such another taske And at thy backe returne hee 'll haue a caske Much bigger then the Heidelbergian bumbard To keepe thy works that neuer can be numberd Christopherus Brooke Eboraconsit This Gentleman in some vnmeasur'd measure Compares thee vnto Homer and to Caesar. Old Homers Iliads are but idle tales Waigh'd with thy works thy booke will turne the cales And like great Caesar he doth thee commend For thou like him hast all thy trauels penn'd But yet me thinks he playes the merry foxe And in thy praises writes a Paradoxe Iohannes Hoskins Cabalisticall or Horse verse Hold holla holla weehee stand I say Here 's one with horse-verse doth thy praise dissplay Without all sence or
reason forme or hue He kicks and stings and winces thee thy due He maketh shift in speeches mysticall To write strange verses Cabalisticall Much like thy booke and thee in wit and shape Whilst I in imitation am his Ape Mount Maluora swimming on a big-limb'd guat And Titan tilting with a flaming Swanne Great Atlas flying on a winged Sprat Arm'd with the Hemispheares huge warming pan Or like the triple Vrchins of the Ash That lie and she through Morpheus sweet-fac'd doore Doth drowne the starres with a Poledauies flash And make the smooth-heel'd ambling rocks to roâ—â— Euen so this tall Colombrum Pigmy steeple That bores the Butterflie aboue the spheare Puls AEolus taile and Neptunes mountaines tippleâ— Whilst Coloquintida his fame shall reare Loe thus my Muse in stumbling iadish verse On horse-backe and on foot thy praise rehearse Pricksong Here 's one harmoniously thy same doth raise With Pricksong verse to giue thee prick praise But prick nor spur can make thee mend thy troâ— For thou by nature art nor cold nor hot But a meere nat'rall neutrall amongst men Arm'd like the bristles of a Porcupen If French or Venice Puncks had fir'd or scald thee This man had neuer raw-bon'd Coriat call'd thee Thou that so many Climats hotly coasted I wonder much thou wast not boild nor rosted Yet euery man that earst thy carkasse saw Are much in doubt if thou bee'st roast or raw Iohannes Pawlet de George Henton Now here 's another in thy praises ran And would intitle thee the great god Pan. No warming pan thou art I plainely see No fire-pan nor no frying-pan canst thou be Thou art no creame-pan neither worthy man Although thy wits lie in thy heads braine-pan Lionel Cranfield This Gentleman thy wondrous trauels rips And nothing that may honour thee he skips Thy yron memory thy booke did write I prethee keepe a wench to keepe it bright For cankerd rust I know will yron fret And make thee wit and memory forget Left rust therefore thy memory should deuoure I 'd haue thee hire a Tinker it to scowre Iohannes Sutclin Now here 's a friend doth to thy fame confesse Thy wit were greater if thy worke were lesse He from thy labour treats thee to giue o're And then thy case and wit will be much more Lo thus thy small wit and thy labour great He summons to a peaceable retreat Inigo Iones What liuing wight can in thy praise be dum Thou crowing Cock that didst from Odcom com This Gentleman amongst the rest doth flocke To sing thy fame thou famous Odcomb'd cocke And learnedly to doe thee greater grace Relates how thou canst scrue thy veriuyce face He wishes him that scornes thy booke to read It at the sessions house he chance to plead That he may want his booke although he craue But yet thy booke will sooner hang then saue So many gallowses are in thy booke Which none can read without a hanging looke Georgius Siddenham Now here 's a Substantiue stands by himselfe And makes thee famous for an anticke else But yet me thinkes he giues thee but a frumpe In telling how thou kist a wenches rumpe To spoile her ruffe I thinke thou stood'st in fearâ— That was the cause that made thee kisse her there Robertus Halswell Thy praise and worth this man accounts not small But ' thad bin greater writing not at all Thy booke he calls Dame Admirations brother I thinke the world vnworthy such another Thy booke can make men merry that are sad ' But such another sure will make men mad Iohannes Gifford This friend amongst the rest takes little paine To laud the issue of thy teeming braine And to applaud thee with his best endeauor He begs his wits to helpe him now or neuer He bids graue Munster reuerence thy renowne And lay his pen aside and combe thy crowne He praises thee as though he meant to split all And saies thou art all wit but yet no witall Except thy head which like a skonce or fort Is barracado'd strong left wits resort Within thy braines should rayse an insurrection And so captiue thy head to wits subiection Robertus Corbet The luggage of thy wit thy Booke he tearmes The bagge and baggage of thy legs and armes That neuer can be vnderstood by none But onely such as are like thee alone Iohannes Donnes This Gentleman commends thy Trauels much Because like thee was neuer any such Decembers thunder nor hot Iulies snow Are nothing like the wonders thou dost show Iohannes Chapman Here 's one in kindnesse learnedly compacts Thy naturall iests and thy all naturall acts And craues the Reader would some pity take To buy thy booke euen for his owne deare sake For of thy trauels and thy great designes There 's little matter writ in many lines Thou in much writing tak'st such great delight That if men read thou car'st not what thou write This man could well afford to praise thee more But that hee 's loth to haue thee on his score For he no longer will thy praise pursue Lest he should pay thee more then is his due Iohannes Owen This Author to thy fame in friendship saies How ancient Writers pend the Asses praise And wishes some of them aliue agen That they alone might thy high praises pen. Petrus Alley Now here 's a friend that lowd thy glory rings With Cannons Sakers Culuerings and Slings Guns drums and phifes and the thrill clang'rous truÌ„pet Applauds thy courting the Venetian struÌ„pet Samuel Page This Gentleman accounts it no great wrong Amidst thy praise to say thy cares be long His meaning my construction much surpasses I wet not what he meanes except an â—â—â— Thomas Momford Here 's a strange riddle puts me much in doubt Thy head 's within thy wit thy wit 's without 'T were good some friend of thine would take the paines To put thy wit i' the inside of thy braines For pitty doe not turne it out of dore Thy head will hold it if'twere ten times more Thomas Bastard This Gentleman aduiseth thee take heed Lest on thy praise too greedily thou feed But though too much a surfet breed he saies Yet thou shalt surfet but not die of praise Guilielmus Baker Here 's one by no meanes at thy same can winke And saies how most men say thou pissest inke If it be true I 'de giue my guilded raper That to thy inke thou couldst sir-reuerence paper Thy gaines would be much more thy charges lesse When any workes of thine come to the Presse 'T were good thy eares were par'd from off thy head 'T would stand Cosmographers in wondrous stead To make a Globe to serue this massie earth To be a mappe of laughter aud of mirth All new-found sustian phrases thou do'st sup And ' gainst a dearth of words dost hoard them vp Yet where thou com'st thou spendst thy prating pelse Thogh no man vnderstand thee nor thy selfe Thou art a iewell to be hang'd most fit In eares whose heads are nothing
but all wit And thy blown tongue wil make great ships to saile From coast to coast if winde and weather faile Againe Againe his Muse from sodaine sleep is waked And saies this booke of thine is nat'rall naked Thou urely art a seruiceable waiter For when thou mad'st this booke thou didst not loyter Yet much he doubts if God or fiend will haue thee For if thou be'st sau'd sure thy booke will saue thee If I to scape the gallowes needs must read I surely for another booke will plead The reason that incites me thereunto Thy booke to saue thee hath enough to doe This man hath a Greeke name This Gentleman thy praise doth briefely note Compares thy wit and senses to a Goare And well thy breeding he hath here exprest A Phoenix hatch'd from out the Wag-tailes nest But let them say and call thee what they will Thou wast and art and wilt be Coriat still Thomas Farnabie alias Baiurâ—fc Here 's one that like a carefull true Collector Tells like a Bee thou fill'st thy combe with Nectar Die when thou wilt in honour of thy Name Ram-headed Bel-weathers shall ring thy fame Guilielmus Austin I thinke this Author doth equiuocate In writing of the word â—â—â— The word so prittily he seemes to curtall That I imagine it is done for sportall But he perswades thee trauell once agen And make the world to surfet with thy pen. Glareanus Vadeanus Thou fatall impe to Glastenburie Abby The Prophecie includes thou art no baby That ouer Odcombs towne must one day ferrie As Whiting earst did ouer Glastenberie But yet 't is pitty one of thy rare skill Should like the Monke be drowned vpon a hill If thou canst climbe to heauen in hempen string Thy same for euer then my Muse shall sing But yet 't is safer in a Trunke to hide Then such a dang'rous wincing iade to ride Iohannes Iackeson Thou that hast trauel'd much from coast to coast Come eat this Egge that is nor rawe nor rost For like a friend this man hath plaid the cooke And potch'd this Ginnie Egge into thy booke Michael Draiton Now here 's another followes with a messe In haste before thy Booke comes to the Presse The shortnesse of the time is all his fault But now he 's come and brings thee spoons salt He saies that thou hast taught the right behauior How with great men we all may liue in fauor He bids thee liue and with their loues to ioyne Whose worth and vertues are most like to thine Nicholas Smith This Author liuely hath thy fame exprest But yet his lines are different from the rest For all but he that doe thy praises pen Say thou art farre vnlike to other men But this man to thy honour doth relate How many Courtiers thee doe imitate And how for feare thou should'st be stolne away They make themselues as like thee as they may For if they lose thee by false theft or slaughter The Court I feare will weep for want of laughter Thy greatnes here the pore-blind world may see He saies not I thy peeres haue iudged thee Stand to their censures then make no deniall For surely thou hast had a noble triall Laurentius Emley Here 's one commends thy booke and bodies paine And counsels thee to trauell once againe Whereas the treasure of thy wit and body Shall tire each lumpish asse and dronish noddie A horse that beares thy corpes more ease shall find Then men can haue in bearing of thy minde For in thy minde is many a paire of gallowes Waigh's more then thee or twentie of thy fellowes Was nothing in thy iourney small or mickle But in thy minde thou barrell'dst it in pickle So that if men to see thy minde were able There 's more confusion then was ere at Babel For there 's confusion both of tongues and towers Of loftie steeples and of lowly bowers Of libbets racks and round nor menting wheeles Of Haddockes Paddockes and of slipp'rie Eeles Of wit of sense of reason death and life Of loue of hate of concord and of strife The seuen deadly sinnes and liberall Arts Doe in thy minde discord and haue tane parts It is a doubt which side the conquest winnes Either the liberall Arts or deadly sinnes Not fourtie Elephants can beare the loade Of pondrous things that haue in thee abode Thy minde waighs more then I can write or speak Which heauie burden Atlas backe would breake Iohannes Dauis This Gentleman thy trauels doth relate Applauding much the hardnesse of thy pate I thinke thy head 's as hard as steele or rockes How could thy cox-comb else endure such knocks The brauest Smithes of Britaine haue tane paines To beat vpon the anuill of thy braines But let them beat thou canst abide the blowes Thou countst theÌ„ fauors which thy friends bestows One with a cocks-combe hits thee o'r the comb Another with an Asses eares strikes home Another with a fooles coat and a cap As hard as he can driue giues thee a clap But let them strike with what they please to strike Thy hardened head will not their strokes dislike The blows the Boore did giue thee in the vineyard Thou put'st them vp neuer drew'st thy whiniard Thou took'st a beating from a boorish foe-man I hope that thou wilt scorne a knocke from no man Richardus Badley Here 's one whose lines coÌ„mend thee with the most And saies how that a foole at Pentecost At Whitsontide he meanes did ouerthrow thee And at thy owne blunt weapon ouer-crow thee If it be true me thinkes 't is wondrous strange That thou so many countries o'r should'st range And hast the tongues of Latine and of Greeke Yet 'gainst a foole should'st haue thy wits to seeke I at the Sessions house the like haue seene When malefactors at the bar haue beene Being well-read Schollers for their booke would plead Yet for their liues haue had no power to read So thou great Polypragmon wast more graueld With this wise foole theÌ„ else-wher as thou traueld Henricus Peacham Of all rare sights in city court or towne This Author saies thou brauely put'st them downe The horrid darke eclipse of Sunne or Moone The Lyon Elephant or the Baboone The huge Whale-bone that 's hang'd vp at White-hall The sight of thee puts downe the diuell and all Tricks ligges and motions are but idle toyes The sight of thee their glories all destroyes The sweetnesse of thy Phisnomy is such That many to behold it would giue much But they are blind and would giue more to see And therefore would giue much to looke on thee The Viopian Tongue Thoytem Asse Coria Tushrump cod she adirustie Mungrellimo whish whap ragge dicete tottrie Mangelusquem verminets nipsem barely battimsore Culliandolt trauellerebumque graiphone trutchmore Pusse per mew Odcomb gul abelgsk foppery shig shag Cock a peps Comb settishamp Idioshte momulus tag rag Iacobus Field This Author 'mongst the rest in kindnesse comes To grace thy trauels with a world of
Priests Lemman and a Tinkers Pad Or Dell or Doxy though the names bee bad And amongst Souldiers this sweet piece of Vice Is counted for a Captaines Cockatrice But the mad Rascall when hee 's fiue parts drunke Cals her his Drah his Queane his Iill or Punke And in his fury'gins to rayle and rore â— Then with full mouth he truely call's her Whore And so I leaue her to her hot desires ' â—Mongst Pimps and Panders and base Applesquires To mend or end when age or Pox will make her Detested and Whore-masters all forsake her A comparison betwixt a Whore and a Booke ME thinks I heare some Cauiller obiect That 't is a name absurd and indirect To giue a Booke the Title of a Whore When sure I thinke no Name befits it more For like a Whore by day-light or by Candle 'T is euer free for euery knaue to handle And as a new whore is belon'd and sought So is a new Booke in request and bought When whores wax old and stale they 're out of date Old Pamphlets are most subiect to such fate As Whores haue Panders to emblaze their worth So these haue Stationers to set them forth And as an old whore may be painted new With borrowed beauty faire vnto the view Whereby shee for a fine fresh whore may passe Yet is shee but the rotten whore shee was So Stationers their old cast Bookes can grace And by new Titles paint a-fresh their face Whereby for currant they are past away As if they had come forth but yesterday A Booke is dedicated now and than To some great worthy or vnworthy man Yet for all that 't is common vnto mee Or thee or hee or all estates that bee And so a man may haue a Whore forsooth Supposing shee is onely for his tooth But if the truth hee would seeke out and looke She 's common vnto all men like a Booke A Booke with gawdy coate and silken strings Whose inside's full of obsceane beastly things Is like a whore Caparison'd and trap'd Full of infection to all mischiefe apt As one whore may bee common vnto any So one Booke may bee dedicate to many And sure I say and hope I speake no slander To such a Booke the Poet is the Pander He prostitutes his muse to euery one Which should be constant vnto one alone This is a kind of Bawd'ry vile and base Kils bounty and is Poetryes disgrace And left they should be lost it is ordain'd That Bookes within a Library are chain'd So he that to himselfe will keepe a Whore Must chaine her or shee 'le trade with forty more As Bookes are lease by lease oft turn'd and tost So are the Garments of a Whore almost For both of them with a wet finger may Be folded or vnfolded night or day Moreouer 't is not very hard to proue That Bookes and Whores may Riuals be in Loue To purchase mens displeasure I am loth But sure good Schollers still haue lou'd them both Some Bookes haue their Errates at the last That tell their errors and offences past So many great Whores did in state suruiue But when death did their hatefull liues depriuâ— Their faults escap'd and their Errates then Haue beene made manifest and knowne to men Some Bookes and Whores to wicked purpose her Doe for their faults receiue one punishment â—â— Bukes are often burnt and quite forgotten â—â—â—â— Whore are ouer-stew'd or rosted rotten â—â— experience shewes that Bookes much knowledge brings â—nd by experience Whores know many things â—â—â— as â—â—ed Iustice all mens losse repaires â—â—â— whores doe giue to all men what is theirs â—â—â— shee learnes yet will shee much rebuke vs â—â— I wee doe play the part of true Eunuchus â—â—â— Bookes prophane or else Hereticall â—â—â— soâ—â—ilous non-sense Schismaticall â—â—â—erts man Iudgement and his soule pollutes â—â—ch are all Whores and such will be their fruits â—â— one Slouens soyle a Booke in little space â—â—nd slauer it and so the Leaues deface â—â—â—nd some againe will take a cleanly course â—â—o read it dayly yet t is ne'r the worse â—â—â— some man vse a Whore when once they haue her â—They'le touze and teare and beastly all beslauer When forty neat Whoremasters might haue play'd â—â—nd vsde her and shee still be thought a maide â—â— that doth read a Booke he likes would be â—â—loue from any Interruption free â—â—nd hee that with a Whore would toy or lye â—â— thinke desires other Company â—â— When Bookes are wet their beauties gone or soyl'd â—â— wash a whore and all her paintings sooyl'd â—â—nd as an old Whore spight of Paint and cloathing â—â—als at the last the obiect of mens loathing â—scorn'd and vnpittied and to finish all â—â—yes in Ditch or in an Hospitall â—â— Pamphlets and some workes of writers Graue â—â—re vsde much worse then Whores by many a Knaue Who ne'r regard the matter or the price â—ot teare like Tyrants to wrap Drugs or Spice â—â— which is worse in Priuie matters vse them â—â— worst of all like Roarers they abuse them When as they rend good Bookes to light and dry â—â—â— â—â—â— Englands ds bainefull Diety And 't is a thing I ne'r thought on before A * Now a dayes Booke 's examin'd stricter then a Whore There 's not a Sheet a Lease a Page a Verse A word or sillable or letter scarce But that Authority with Iudgements eye Doth diligently looke and search and pry And gage the sense and first will vnderst nd all Lest in a Phrase or word there lurke a scandall And my poore Whore in this hath not beene spar'd Her skirts were curtaild hee nayles were * She would haue scratched else par'd All 's one for that though shee such vsage had Shee 's not left naked though not richly clad I knew shee must be question'd and I say I am right glad shee scap'd so well away And should ail Whores of high and low degree As Bookes are to account thus called bee The whorish number would waxe very small Or else men neuer could examine all This Booke my Whore or else this Whore my Booke Shee beares both names so neither is mistooke Respects not all her enemies a straw If shee offended shee hath had the Law She was examin'd and shee did confesse And had endur'd the torture of the Presse Her faults are printed vnto all mens sight Vnpartially declar'd in blacke and white And last in Pauls Church-yard and in the streets Shee suffers Penance vp and downe in Sheets And if all Whores to doe the like were made A Linnen Draper were the richest Trade If any Whore be honcster then mine is I le write no more but stop my mouth with FINIS An arrant Thiefe whom euery Man may trust In Word and Deed exceeding true and iust With a Comparison betweene a Thiefe and a Booke THis Water m The Anigram of Rat is Art Rat or Art I would commend But that I know not to begin or end He read his Verses to me and
his other sinnes he play the Thiefe And steale mens goods they all will sentence giue He must be hang'd he is vnsit to liue In the Low Countryes if a wretch doe steale But bread or meat to feed himselfe a meale They will vnmercifully beat and clowt him Hale pull and teare spurne kicke flowt him But if a Drunkard be vnpledg'd a Kan Drawes out his knife and basely stabs a man To runne away the Rascall shall haue scope None holds him but all cry * Run Thiefe Run Lope Scellum Lope Thus there 's a close conniuence for all vice Except for Theft and that 's a hanging price One man 's addicted to blaspheme and sweare A second to carowse and domineore A third to whoring and a fourth to fight And kill and slay a fist man to backbite A sixt and seuenth with this or that crime caught And all in generall much worse then naught And amongst all these sianers generall The Thiefe must winne the halter from them all When if the matter should examin'd be They doe deserue it all as much as he Nor yet is Thieuery any vpstart sinne But it of long antiquity hath bin And by this trade great men haue not disdain'd To winne renowne and haue their states maintain'd Grest Alexanders conquests what were they But taking others goods and lands away In manners I must call it Martiall dealing But truth will terme it rob'ry and flat stealing For vnto all the world it is well knowne That he by force tooke what was not his owne Some Writers are with Tamberlaine so briefe To stile him with the name of Seythian Thiefe * Plutarâ—b Licurgus lou'd and granted gifts beside To Thieues that could steale and escape vnspide But if they taken with the manne were They must restore and buy the bargaine deere Thieues were at all times euer to be had Examples by the good Thiefe and the bad And England still hath bin a fruitfull Land Of valiant Thieues that durst bid true men stand One Bellin Dun a Hen. I. a famous Thiefe surniu'd From whom the cowne of Dunstable's deriu'd And Robin Hood b Rich. 2. with little Iohn agreed To rob the rich men and the poore to feede c Edw. 3. The Priests had here such small meanes for their liuing That many of them were enforc'd to Thieuing Once the fist Henry could rob ex'lent well When he was Prince of Wales as Storeis tell Then Fryer Tucke a tall stout Thiefe indeed Could better rob and steale then preach or read Sir Gosselin Deinuill d Edw. 2. with 200. more In Fryers weedes rob'd and were hang'd therefore Thus I in Stories and by proofe doe finde That stealing's very old time out of minde E't I was borne it through the world was spred And will be when I from the world am dead But leauing thus my Muse in hand hath tooke To shew which way a Thiefe is like a Booke A Comparison betweene a Thiefe and a Booke COmparisons are odious as some say But my comparisons are so no way I in the Pamphlet which I wrote before Compar'd a Booke most fitly to a Whore And now as fitly my poore muse alludes A Thiefe t' a Booke in apt similitudes A good Booke steales the mind from vaine pretences From wicked cogitations and offences It makes vs know the worlds deceiuing pleasures And set our hearts on neuer ending treasures So when Thieues steale our Cattle Coyne or Ware It makes vs see how mutable they are Puts vs in mind that wee should put our trust Where Fellon cannot steale or Canker rust Bad Bookes through eyes and eares doe breake and enter And takes possession of the hearts fraile Center Infecting all the little Kingdome Man With all the poys'nous mischiefe that they can Till they hape rob'd and ransack'd him of all Those things which men may iustly goodnesse call Robs him of vertue and of heau'nly grace And leaues him begger'd in a wretched case So of our earthly goods Thieues steale the best And richest iewels and leaue vs the rest Men know not Thieues from true men by their looks Nor by their outsides no man can know Bookes Both are to be suspected all can tell And wisemen e'r they trust will try them well A Booke may haue a title good and faire Though in it one may finde small goodnesse there And so a Thiefe whose actions are most vile Steales good opinion and a true mans stile Some Bookes prophane the Sacred text abuse With common Thieues it is a common vse Some Bookes are full of lyes and Thieues are so One hardly can beleeue their yea or no. Some Bookes are scurrilous and too obsceane And he 's no right Thiefe that loues not a Queane Some Book 's not worth the reading for their fruits Some Thieues not worth the hanging for their suits Some Bookes are briefe and in few words declare Compendious matter and acutenesse rare And so some Thieues will breake into a house Or cut a purse whilest one can cracke a Louse Some Bookes are arrogant and impudent So are most Thieues in Christendome and Kent Some Bookes are plaine and simple and some Thieues Are simply hang'd whilest others get reprieues Some Books like foolish Thieues their faults are spide Some Thieues like witty Bookes their faults can hide Some Bookes are quaint and quicke in their conceits Some Thieues are actiue nimble in their sleights Some Bookes with idle stuffe the Author fills Some Thieues will still be idle by their wills Some Bookes haue neither reason law or sense No more haue any Thieues for their offence A Booke 's but one when first it comes to th'Presse It may increase to numbers numberlesse And so one Thiefe perhaps may make threescore And that threescore may make ten thousand more Thus from one Thiefe Thieues may at last amount Like Bookes from one Booke past all mens account And as with industry and art and skill One Thiefe doth daly rob another still So one Booke from another in this age Steales many a line a sentence or a page Thus amongst Bookes good fellowship I finde All things are common Thieues beare no such mind And for this Thieuing Bookes with hue and cry Are sought as Thieues are for their Fellony As Thieues are chasde and sent from place to place So Bookes are alwaies in continuall chase As Bookes are strongly boss'd and clasp'd bound So Thieues are manacled when they are found As Thieues are oft examin'd for their crimes So Bookes are vsde and haue bin at all times As Thieues haue oft at their arraignment stood So Bookes are tryde if they be bad or good As Iuries and Graund Iuries with much strife Giue vp for Thieues a Verdict death or life So as mens fancies euidence doe giue The shame or fame of Bookes to dye or liue And as the veriest Thiefe may haue some friend So the worst Bookes some Knaue will still defend As Thieues their condemnation must abide Bookes are
deem'd true sometimes sometimes be'iyd As Thieues are iudged so haue Bookes agen As many censures almost as are men And as their faults are different in degree Some Thieues are hang'd some Books are burnt we see Some Thieues are for their small offences whip't All Bookes are prest except a Manuscript As Thieues are buryed when the Law is paid So some Bookes in obliuions graue are laid The Ialors keepe the Thieues and much regards The strength of fetters locks bolts grates wards And will know when and how abroad they goe And vnto Bookes the Stationersâ— are so Still Books and Thieues in one conceit doe ioyne For if you marke them they are all for coyne Some Thieues exceeding braue a man may finde In Sattin and their cloakes with veluet linde And some Bookes haue gay coats vnto their backs When as their insides goods and goodnesse lacks Same Bookes are all betattered torne and rent Some Thieues endure a ragged punishment Some Thieues may come their sorrows to increase Before a shallow Officer of peace One that can cough call knaue and with non-sense Commit before he know for what offence A Booke somtimes doth proue a Thiefes true friend And doth preserue him from a hanging end For let a man at any Sessions looke And still some Thieues are saued by their Booke And so some Bookes to coxcombs hands may come Who can cry pish and mew and tush and hum Condemne ere they haue read or throughly scand Abusing what they cannot vnderstand Some Thieues are like a Horne-booke and begin Their A.B.C. of filching with a pin Their Primmer is a poynt and then their Psalter May picke a pocket and come neere a Halter Then with long practice in these rudiments To breake a house may be his Accidence And vsing of his skill thus day by day By Grammar he may rob vpon the way Vntill at last to weare it be his hap A Tiburne Tippet or old Stories Cap. That is the high'st degree which they can take An end to all their studies there they make For amongst Thieues not one amongst a score If they be rais'd so high they 'l steale no more Thus the comparisons hold still you see To Whores and Thieues Bookes may compared bee All are like Actors in this wauering age They enter all vpon the worlds great Stage Some gaine applause and some doe act amisse And exit from the scaffold with a hisse Now if my Whore or Thiefe play well their parts Giue them their due applaud their good deserts If ill to Newgate hisse them or Bridewell To any place Hull Halifax or Hell And thus the Thiefe and Booke ioyne both in one Both hauing made an END they both haue DON THE PRAISE AND VERTVE OF a IAYLE and IAYLERS WITH THE MOST EXCELLENT MYSTERIE and necessary vse of all sorts of Hanging ALSO A TOVCH AT TYBVRNE FOR A PERIOD AND THE AVTHORS FREE LEAVE TO LET THEM be hangd who are offended at the Booke without cause DEDICATED To the a Reader you must note that this Gentleman did send me from the Fairne Iland a barrell of Gulls and Cormotant egges by â—â—â—â—â—â—ing of which I haue attained to the vnderstanding of many words which our Gulls and Cormotants doe speaks here abouâ—â—â— Sensible Reasonable Affable Amiable Acceptable minded Honourable in VVit Iudgement and Vnderstanding Able Robert Rugge Gentleman Reare Adelantado of the Holy Iland the Fairne and the Staples on the Coast of Northumbria No hanging Tap'strie Quilt or Couerlet This dedication of my wit could get No Mattresse Blanket Sheet or Featherbed Could haue these labours of my working head But cold by nature from my Nurses dugge My inclination still hath lou'd a Rugge Which makes my thankefull Muse thus bold to be To consecrate this worthlesse worth to thee Thou that within those happy Iles doest bide Which Neptunes waues doe from our Land diuide Where in the Holy Iland stands a Fort That can defend and iniuries retort That doth command a goodly Hauen nigh Wherein a hundred ships may safely lye Thou in the b The Fairne Iland standing 7. miles from the Holy Iland into the Sea the Holy Iland stands seuen miles from Barwiske In the Fairne all sorts of Sea-fowle breed in such abundance as you cannot step but vpon Egges or Fowle They misse not to lay on Saint Markes day and a fortnight after Lammas there is none to be seene The Staple Ilands belong to the Fairne and stand two miles from it into the Sea where the Fowle vpon the rockes like pinacles are so thicke both vpon the sides and vpon the tops and with such curiosity build their nests as the wit of man cannot lay that egge in his place againe that is once taken vp to abide in the same place Vpon their flight the Sea is couered for halfe a mile and the heauens aboue head obscured for the present Fairne and Staples bearst such sway That all the dwellers there doe thee obey Where Fowle are all thy faire inhabitants Where thou Commander of the Cormorants Grand Gouernour of Guls of Geese and Ganders O'r whom thou art none of the leaft Commanders Whereas sometimes thou canst not stirre thy legs But thou must tread on tributary egs For they like honest true plaine-dealing folkes Pay thee the custome of their whites and yolkes Which to thy friends oft-times transported be As late thou sentst abarrell-full to me And in requit all to so good a friend This Prison and this Hanging here I send Because within the c There is but one house there all the dwellers else beâ—â—â— Sea-fowle who will neither know offences not punishâ—â—â— Fairne and Staples teo The dwellers doe as they doe please to doe Their pride and lust their stealing and their treasâ—â— Is all impouted to their want of reason I therefore haue made bold to send thee this To shew them what a Iayle and Hanging is Thou hast from Hermes suck'd the Quintessence Of quicke Inuention and of Eloquence And thou so well doest loue good wittie Bookes That makes thee like Apollo in thy lookes For nature hath thy visage so much grac'd That there 's the ensigne of true friendship plac'd A chaulkie face that 's like a pewter spoone Or buttermilke or greene cheese or the meone Are either such as kill themselues with care Or hide-bound miserable wretches are Giue me the man whose colour and prospect Like Titan when it doth on gold reflect And if his purse be equall to his will Hee 'l then be frolicke free and iouiall still And such a one my worthy friend art thou To whom I dedicate this Pamphlet now And I implore the Heau'ns to proue so kinde To keepe thy state according to thy minà e Yours with my best wishes IOHN TAYLOR THE VERTVE OF AIAYLE AND NECESSITIE OF HANGING MY free-borne Muse of bondage rudely treats And strange vagaries in my Brain-pau beats Whilst I vnmaske vnuisor or vnueile The vertues of a Iaylot and a Iayle And then of
hope Thou wilt conclude thy rogu'ry in a Rope Three Trees two Rampant and the other Cross â—â—â— One halter Pendant and a ladder Passant In a field Azure clouded like the Skye Because 'twixt Earth and Ayre I hope thou 'lt dye These Armes for thee my muse hath Heraldiz'd And to exalt thee them shee hath deuisde Then when thou bidst the world thy last good-night Squint vpward and cry Gallowes claime thy right To whose protection thy estate I render And all thy Rights and Titles I surrender â—â—â— Carkas and thy Manners that are euill â—â—â—â—â—â— Hangman and thy fire the Deuill * Thiâ—e as thou hast deseru'd IOHN TAYLOR To the Reader NOw honest Reader if thou be so tell Haue I not Canuas'd this same Rascall well â—â—â— thinkes I heare some say I am too bitter And if I were more milde they hold it fitter â—â—â— such men truely but conceiue my wrong And thinke the case did to themselues belong When such a fellow with me shall agree And take my money for an earnest fee And make me print a thousand Bils and moto And daily on the Posts to clap vp store For thousand Readers as they passe the way To see my name engag'd to play a Play â—â—â— 'Gainst William Fennor my Antagonist And then for me each houre to persist Vpon his word to study and to write And scarce in six weekes rest or day or night And when the time is come the play should be My opposite should run away from me And leaue me to be made a wondring stocke â—â—â— aby-word for the world to mocke To make me lose my credit and my name To be o'rtlouded with perpetuall shame Iudge if this would not moue a man to spleene To be this basely vs'd as I haue beene This to the censure of the World I send This sharpe Inuectiue which my Anger pend And as my wrong was publike so will I Reuenged be vpon him publikely And for him I haue worseâ— Rods in pisse â—â—â— be but dare to write and answer this But if he durst no better play the Knaue Then answer me he would not goe so braue But yet heer 's one thing was almost forgot Which till this time my Muse remembred not And sure it must his Fooleship needs molest This hath beene read and laught at by the Best That when he dares but to the Court to come His entertainment will be like Iack Drum To my Friends ANd now kind Friends a word or two to you Before I bid your Iudgements all adiew Full well I know you all were angred much That my vnfortunate euents were such And well I know you do beleeue and know I meant no shuffling-shifting tricke to show To you my minde doth need no more reuealing You all doe know I meant plaine vpright dealing And sure I hope your informations will Defend me 'gainst the force of scandall still There were some Lords some Knights Esquires and some Good Marchants Tradesmen to the Play did come On purpose onely for my onely sake The most of which I know will vndertake To doe me any good in word or deed If my occasions did require their need Though my deserts can no such fauour win Yet well they know I still haue honest bin I speake not this in any tearmes of boast For why my faults are equall with the most But this is written that it may appeare That I from cony-catching tricks am cleare And vnto all the world I dare appeale Who dares accuse me that I did misdeale So crauing pardon where I haue transgrest I wish my Friends all earthly heau'nly rest To my despightfull Foes TO you that screwd your Iawes awry mewd And so your worthlesse witlesse wisdom shewd And now and then bestow'd a hisse or twaine To giue more vent to your fantasticke braine You might haue kept away I sent not for you If you hate me I doe as much abhor you Like Guests vnbid you might haue brought your stools For as you came you went away like Fools The purpose which my study did intend Was by no meanes any one to offend And therefore whatsoeuer that they be That enuiously do raile and snarle at me I can no lesse doe but with word and pen Informe them that they are malicious men 'Gainst no man in particular I write But generally to all that beare me spight I pray for them to make their fury madder God turn their hearts or Hangman turn the ladder Which turning sure will either mend or end them To one of which my daily Prayers commend them FINIS FENNORS DEFENCE OR I AM YOVR FIRST MAN Wherein the Water-man IOHN TAYLOR is dasht sowst and finally fallen into the Thames With his slanderous Taxations base Imputations scandalous Accusations and foule Abominations against his Maiesties Ryming Poet who hath answered him without Vexations or trembling Recantations DEDICATED To all that can iudge of what degree soeuer IVdiciall Reader after a Supper of Slanders giue me leaue to bestow a Banquet of Defence which I hope shall rellish with more delight in thy generous opinion I am sorry that my Penne is pluckt backe from better Occasions to answere an Opposite so ignoble But seeing my Reputation is shot at by such a poysoned Pistoll I thought it meete to serue out the Ballet of his Infamy with my approued Honesty before it grew ranke or festered too farre iâ— the Worlds Apprehension But to the purpose Master Taylor the Gentleman-like Sculler at the Hope on the Banke-side at a friends house of mine acquainted me with his Proiect which was as followeth That hee the said Taylor had studied such seuerall Humors in Prose as neuer were thâ—â— like before which indeed fell out true to his shame wherein he would haue me ioyne hee to play a Scâ—â—â— in Prâ—se and I to answere him in Verse Whereto I condiscended on these Conditions viz. That I might haue halfe the Commodity thereof Or Security for fiue pounds Or else twenty shillings in hand and the rest as the Day affoorded Next That I might heare his Booke read which was fit to know on whâ—â— ground I might build my Inuention And last That I should see the Manner of his Challenge besâ—â—â— it was published and set my Answere to it with my owne hand To all which hee granted and deliuered mee fiue Shillings vpon the same Whereupon I promised faithfully That if all this were on his part performed I would God willing meet him and with my best endeauour striue to giue the Audience content Now here I must enâ—reat you before you condemne mee note but the Occasions of my Breach of Promise This Water-Taylor with his Confederates presuming he had bound mee with his Earnest-money printed his Challenge-Bill and my Answere annexed thereunto without my Hand Knowledge or Consent Nay more My Answere was by him set vp so meane and insufficient to so brauing a Challenge that I altogether disliked thereof as I had reason and thereupon sent my Man with
'T was thee I call'd so ponder well vpon 't For I thinke thou wast neuer at a Font I wish thee yet thy Baptisme to procure Thou canst not be an Anabaptist sure If I should answer euery lye and line My booke would then be bigger far then thine Besides it with my mind doth not agree To paraphrase on thy poore stuffe and thee Thou put'st one trick vpon me and a rare one Thou 'lt make me vnder Sculler vnto Charon When thou com'st to the Deuill on a message Then I 'l take nothing of thee for thy passage And for my loue then thine shall not be shorter Thou shalt be Plutees vgly vnder Porter For Cerberus and thee must needs agree Thy one good face accommodates his three Thou bid'st me watch and write and doe my worst And sai'st thy Pen and Inkehorne is as curst I thinke 't is curst indeed for I protest That neither thee or them was neuer blest Perhaps thou hast good Paper Pens and Inke But thy inuention Fogh how it doth stinke Thou bid'st me fall vnto my Scull againe And hold'st my calling in thy high disdaine Know Peasant if I were a Baron borne Yet I my honest trade would neuer scorne A Water-man doth get his bread more true Then fifty thousand idle Knaues like you They cannot rime and cony-catch and cheat For what they haue they must be sure to sweat And I esteeme my labour far more deare Then all thy riming's worth in twenty yeere I 'l carry Whores and Knaues too for my fee For money I 'l transport thy wife and thee I 'l carry any body for my fare Wee haue no power to question what they are My Boat is like vnto a Barbers Chaire To which both honest men and Knaues repaire No Trades-men whatsoeuer that they be Can get their lining honester then we We labour truly and we take great paine With hands and feet we stretch out euery vaine Thy hands did neuer worke thou art so niceâ—â— Except 't were in thy Doublet cracking liâ—â— And not to brag but to our trades great fame The learned Sapho that admired Dame Who could the Saphicke Verse so rarely write Did wed a Water-man who Phâ—â—â— hight Besides eight Kings in famous Edgars raigne To row with Oares did hold it no disdaine But as Records and Chronicles relate They row'd vnto the Parlament in State Thou maist infer these Kings were captiues all Why are not all men so by Adams fall Nay more when water the first world did end The second world did presently descend From the High Admirall of Heau'n and Earth The Patriarke Noah we had second birth He ferri'd mankind to this worlds Lee shore From the bar'd-hauen of the world before Such Landsharkes as thy selfe their way did take Downe through the Deluge to Cocstus Lake Where all the comfort the poore Caitiffes found Was this that all the Gallowses were drown'd No Authors write no not the Poets tales That they lou'd Cheatry Porposes or Whales One note this History doth more afford That all were damb'd that scorn'd to lie aboord No part of this world we inherit can But by our Title from a Waterman Then wrong not vs with thy calumnious tongue For from a Waterman we all are Sprung From Iaphets Ioynes I well descended am And thou my cursed Couzin cam'st from Cham Besides thus much thy Ignorance may note That all the world may well be cal'd a Boat Tost on the troublous waues of discontent All subiect vnto change vnpermanent Our life 's the tide which euer ebbes and flowes And to their iournies end all Creatures rowes The Souldier with his sword rowes vp and down And floats in bloud sometimes to gaine a Crown The Lawyer rowes and makes his tongue his oare And sometimes sets his Clyent poore ashoare But the Deuine of all men he rowes best He brings vs safely to the Port of rest He lands vs at our euerlasting Inne And the tenth penny for his paines doth winne Thus Fenner thou mai'st see that Watermen Are farre beyond the limits of thy Pen To doe them wrong I could speake more of this But that I thinke enough sufficient is Thou sai'st that Poetry descended is From pouertie thou tak'st thy markes a misse In spight of weale or woe or want of pelse It is a Kingdom of content it selfe A Poet 's here or there or where he please In Heau'n in Ayre in Earth in Hell or Seas Gods men fish fowle beasts and infernall fiends All tributary homage to him sends They 're called makers for they 'l vndertake By Art of nothing something for to make And though in making little skill I haue Yet could I easily make thee a Knaue But there in I should be but thy partaker A Knaue thou art and so art thine owne maker In which thou dost most makers much excell For hauing made thy selfe so ill so well And now at thee once more I 'l haue a fling Thou faist thou hadst thy title from the King Of rising Poet I beleene it true What name would best befit thee well he knew He call'd thee not a Poet for deuisin Or that thou couldst make ought worth memorizing He call'd thee riming Poet note why 't was And I will shew thy picture in a Glasse He gaue thy Poetry not Reasons Name â—r Rime for he knew well his words to frame Now what a Rimer is vnto a Poet Because thou knowst it not I 'l make thee know it Th' are like Bell-ringers to Musicians Or base Quack-saluers to Phisicians Or as a Zaâ—y to a Tumbler is A Rimer's to a Poet such as this And such art thou or in a worse degree For if a poet should examine thee Of Numbers Figures Trimeters Alchaicks â—â—â— meters Pentameters Trochaicks â—â—bicks Allegorios and Allusions With Tropes Similitudes Types and Conclusions And whosoeuer chanceth but to looke â—â—â—â—â— or th' Arcadi well writ Booke â—all find these Rules which I before haue nam'd Which makes a Poets Art for euer fam'd And in these things thy knowledge is no more Then hath an Asse a Horse a Beare or Bore â—hou art the Rump the taile or basest part Of Poetry thou art the dung of Art Thou art all Rime and voyd of reason thou â—oft doze and shut vp lines no matter how Some men will say I must a Scholler be â—â—â— these words could neuer come from me To them I answer I can English read But further I could neuer write or plead Those words of Art I know them euery one â—nd knowing them I 'l let them all alone Because I doe not know well how to vse them And by misplacing them I may abuse them When I a learned word in Verse doe plant â—â—â— will be sure to write significant â—o much to them whose hearts will not beleeue â—â—t that in Poetry I â—â—â— and theeue â—â—â— dare them all to try me and leaâ—â—â— threatning The proofe of pudding's alwaies in the eating Thâ—â— I haue told thee why wherefore and how
â—â— Maiesty did thee that name allow The name of Rimer carry to thy graue â—â—ile of Poet thou shalt neuer haue â—â—ch well in Turn-bull street or in Pickt-hatch â—ere Shorditch or Long alloy prethee watch And mongst the trading females chuse out nine To be thy â—â—â— they will sit thee fine Thy â— make thy rimes and thee of more account And mount thy same aboue Parnassus Mount Thou writst a hotch-potch of some forty lines About my Play at Hope and my designes Where men may see thy stocke of wit is poore To write of that which I had writ before Thou fill'st thy Booke with my inuention full And shew'st thy selfe an idle shallow Gull And then thou talk'st prat'st and keep'st a Rut And tearm'st my Muse Melpomenes Tayle Gut I wonder where thou didst that phrase procure Thou art beholden to some Tripe-wife sure When hunger doth prouoke thee rime and sing That Gut will make thy Muse a Chitterling For thou from tripes and tayl-guts hogs mawes Hast won thy greatest credit and applause There 's none that eats a Partridge or a Pheasant But takes thee for a soole to make them pleasant I know not if thy wife be he or shee If she be honest shee 's too good for thee Thou partly offrest me to hold the dore If I will make thy Kitchin-maid my whore But prethee hold thy prating witlesse Gander Shalt ne'r haue honor to become my Pander Thou saist I raile 't is true I had decreed To giue my wronged Muse a purge with speed And as the fittest vessell 't was thy lot To be her foule vnworthy Chamber-pot Shee 's well recouer'd and the world doth see Her filthy excrements remaine in thee No blacke contagious mist her pure light suffers But strait she makes of thee a paire of Snuffers To make her glorious greatnesse shine more cleere And this shall be your office Le Fognicre And now a thought into my mind doth creepe How thou a Kitchin or a Maid canst keepe I know the time thou wouldst haue lick'd thy chaps From out an Almes-basket to get some scraps And hast thou now a Kitchin and large roomes To entritaine faire Lasses and braue Groomes I see thou art the frugal'st Lad aliue And car'st not greatly what thou dost to thriue I wrongly call'd thy Kitchin-seruant maid No maid can dwell with thee I am afraid And now a pretty tale I meane to tell Marke it I prâ—thee for it fits thee well There was a fellow once some faults had done Which fearing hanging did his Country run And comming to the City full of feare Nay note my tale good Mounsier Le Fognier In hope to get his pardon 't was his chance Vpon a man as might be thee to glance The poore distressed fellow told his mind And said If any man would be so kind To get his pardon and to set him fâ—re He should haue threescore angels for his Fee Now he that this mans pardon should procure To saue his owne stake and to make all sure He leaues the Thiefe in London and strait went And brought a Hoy full of his goods from Kent Then out of hand this man like thee call'd Momus Did hire a goodly building called Donius Which this thiefs houshold-stuffe did furnish well And there this Gentleman like thee doth dwell Now to proceed the poore vnhappy thiefe Is ready still to hang himselfe with griefe For he is cheated of his goods I wot And knowesâ—â—t when his pardon will be got And 't is much fear'd the Cheater his owne selfe Will worke some meanes to hang him for his pelfe How lik'st thou this i' st not a pretty trick But wherefore dost thou chafe and spurn and kick A guilty conscience feeles continuall scare And this discourse doth seem to touch thee neare Nay then I will relate another thing Which I suppose will make you wince and fling Vpon S. Georges day last Sir you gaue To eight Knights of the Garter like a Knaue Eight Manuscripts or Bookes all fairely writ Informing them they were your Mother wit And you compild them then were you regarded And for anothers wit was well rewarded All this is true and this I dare maintaine The matter came from out a learned braine And poore old Vennor that plaine dealing man Who acted Englands Ioy first at the Swan Paid eight crownes for the writing of these things Besides the couers and the silken strings Which money backe he neuer yet receiu'd So the deceiuer is by thee deceiu'd First by those Bookes thou stol'st a good report And wast accounted a rare man in Court Next thou didst much abuse those Noble-men And kildâ—st their bounty from a Poets Pen. And thirdly thou a Poet didst beguile To make thy selfe the Author of his stile And last thou shewst thy cheating good and euill Beguiling him that could beguile the Deuill Thou highly hast prouoâ—'d the Muses fury Twelne Poets are empaneld for thy Iury Then William Fennor stand vnto the Bar Hold vp thy hand herd thy accuserâ— are Art guilty or not guilty of those crimes Thou art accus'd th' ast stole fiue thousand rimes From But ends of old Ballads and whole books What saist thou for thy selfe hold vp thy lookes He falters and his words are all vnsteady Poore fellow looks as he were hangd already His silence doth affirme these things are true And therefore let the Bench in order due Giue sentence that within a hempen string He at S. Thomas Wat'rings may goe swing And for heliu'd the wonder of our time Do him this honor hang him vp in rime A Sirrha is the matter falne out so Must thou Extemp'ry to the Gallowes goe For old atquaintance e'r thou breathe thy last I o'r the Water will giue thee A Cast. And till the halter giue thy necke a wrench Thou shalt haue time and space in the Kings Bench To Con and fesse and to repent thy fill And to dispose thy goods and make thy will Which being done and thou well hang'd and dead This Epitaph vpon thy graue I 'l spread That passers by may read and reading see How much thou art beholden vnto me Epitaph HE that could alwayes lye doth lye Sixe foote below thy feet Of any colours he could dye His lyes to make them meet In lyes vntrue he spent his youth And truly dead lies here in truth HOw saist thou Fennor is not all this worth Thy harty thanks which I haue here set forth If not thou shew'st thy selfe the more ingratefull Which vice is to the very Diuell hatefull Thou didst belye me when thou saidst I threat thee For rather then I would doe so I 'd beat thee And 't were the easier taske of both by halfe But who will foule his fists on such a Calfe A Calfe said I for age thou dost appeare To be a Bull of Oxe th' art past a Steere Thou liest againe accusing me of Griese Because thou goâ—st a pardon for a Thiefe Why should I grieue
at that was neuer done The pardon yet I 'm sure thou hast not won The poore man he hath cause to grieue enuffe For being Cheated of his houshold stuffe Thou braggâ—st and prat'st how charity and loue Of mankind onely did thy pitty moue And not desire of siluer for thy paine Did make thee seeke his pardon to attaine And then as if thou wert deâ—our'd with zeale Thy false hypocrise thou dost reueale In our Contentious writing 't is vnfit That any word of Scripture should be writ The name of God is to be feard with trembling And thou mak'st it a Cloke for thy dissembling Shall Raskall Rimes profane vnhallowed things Bâ—â—â—xt with flaming the great King of Kings The onely one in three and three in one Let him and all his Attributes alone Thou saist before that I should hanged be How thou a pardon woudst procure for me â—â—â— it come to that I 'l end the strife â—â—â— before I 'l thanke thee for my life â—â—â— thy gilt of conscience wondrcus great â—s â—â—â— thou wouldst ne'r write thy repenting treatis â—â—ing me to patience and forgiue â—â—â— shewes thou some abuse to me didst giue â—â—â— make me cry Vindicta and requite â—â—â— wrongs before all misconceiuers fight â—â—â— for my Arth's th' ast giu'n me quit for que â—â—ou must to Tyburn I to Wapping goe â—â—â— I have gotten a Reprieue and can â—â—â— myselfe to be an honest man â—â— Muse for thee a Habeus Corpus brings â—â— Tyburne to Saint Thomus Waterings An Epilogue â—To'd thee I had worser rods in pisse Thou findst it true and I haue worse then this â—â—c on occasion I will freely vtter â—â— thou but dare against me for to mutter â—â—â— three daies thou didst write that book of thine Thou saist and I in fourteene houres did mine â—or I would haue thee well to vnderstand â—â—â— haue by water and by land â—â— seruice and occasions me incites To write by snatches and by spurts a nights That if my businesse were but ouer-past The writing such another I durst fast â—â—m sleepe or sustenance of meat or drinke And such a taske would famish thee I thinke â—â—for a wager will be locked vp And no reliefe will either bite or sup Vntill as much as this my muse deuise And scarcely be an hungred when I rise Then for thine owne sake Poet Pedler cease Or bind my sharpe fang'd Muse vnto the peace For thou maist sweare keep thy conscience cleere That of thy life thou liu'st in mighty feare â—â—â— I make thee desp'rate thine owne breath bereaue â—y which the Hangman thou wilt much deceiue Thus doe I leaue my lines to all mens view To iudge if I haue paid thee not thy due To write of thee againe my Muse hath ceast â—â—â— is enough enough's a feast I know thy lying Chaps are stopt for euer That all thy study and thy best endeuour Nor fifty more such shallow brains as thine Can answere this one little booke of mine But if thou dost I know 't will be so lame A wise man will not reade it o'r for shame And therefore Fennor gnaw vpon this bone What next I write shall better be or none Taylors defence of the honesty of his Blew-Bitch NOw Fennor once more I 'l giue thee a twitch For hunting hotly after my Blue Bitch Beware she doth not teare thee by the throat She 's neither Salt nor hot I 'd hauâ— thee know â—â— Thou like a Hound perhaps maist licke her taile But further all thy wits cannot preuaile I wish thee from thy Kennell â—â—â— to roame But for thine owne tooth keep thy Brache at home My Bitch will bite thee sorely I am sure And where she fangs 't is commonly past enre At honest men shee ' I neuer cry â—â—â— But she will snarle and snap such knaues as thou As for my Cod let her be up'd and rip'd Let her be search'd to see what she hath ship'd And nothing in her all the world can see But sharpe Satyricke whips to torture thee His Landing NOw here I land thâ—â—â— S. Mary â—â—â—â—â— I think not for your worships woÌ„ted bawdries I know your businesse is not for a wench The Tipstaffe tels me you are for the Bench Where you may feed your Muse on Carrat rootea And lie a bed borrow no shooes or bootes And liue within the ruses a good thing truly For such a man as you that liue vnruly Farewell and yet I 'l visit you againe When in a Rugg you Clanior at the Chaine And once againe when it falls to your lot Below your eare to weare the pendant â—â—not Meane space because you are a merry Greeke I 'l send thee bread and pottage thrice a weeke The praise of cleane Linnen VVITH THE COMMENDABLE VSE OF THE LAVNDRES DEDICATED TO THE MOST MONDIFYING CLARIFYING PVRIFYING AND REPVRIFYING CLEANSER Clearer and Reformer of deformed and polluted Linnen Martha Legge Esquiresse transparent vnspotted Snow Lilly-white Laundresse to the Right worshipfull and generous the Innes of Court of the middle Temple with diuers others in the ranke of Nobility Gentility and tranquility your poore and vnknowne Poeticall Oratour IOHN TAYLOR in humility and â—â—â— cranes your Patronages ability in defence of his imbecility MOst cleanely and profest Antagonist to vermine dirt and filth â—â—â— Dragmatus the Diagotian Stigmatist very worthily wrot in hiâ—â— Treatise of the Antiquitie of Shapparoones and carelesse Bandâ— Rushtoy ton tumeron smolensco whish wherlibumque Which is in English That to conserue and keepe cleane is as much or more then to make cleane and I know by long experience that your paines and industry not onely makes our polluted Linnen cleane but also to conserue and preserue â—â— in that neatnesse and purity as is correspondent for our health and wholesomenesse vpon these gratefull confiderations I haue presumed to consecrate these vnpolish'd lines to your vnspotted Cleanlinesse not doubting but the lathering suds of vour lennitie will wash away all such faults as are not herein committeâ—â— through want of ignorance and with the white Starch of your firme constancy you will stiffen the weakenesse of my feeble and limber labours that it may be able to stand like a stout Mastiffe Dogge against the opposition of all detracting Nungerels I haue in this ensuing volume set forth the praise and commendations of Cleane Linnen with the honourable paines of the Laundresse which word Laundres I finde to be both vnfitting and derogatory to your comly commendable laudable neate sweet and seemely calling for the Anagram of Laundre SLAVVNDER which name or Epithite is halfe a slawnder to your suriâ—â—â— for to be a Laundres imports onely to wash or dresse Lawne which is as â—â—â—â— impeachment as to cal a lustice of the Peace a Beadle a Dyer a Scaldragge or â—â—â—â—â—nger a seller of Gubbins No my most laborious and purifying Patroâ—â—â— your glory shall no longer be Ecclipsed to be termed a bare Lawndres or a â—â—â—â— of Lawne but a Hollandresse Tiffanie-dresse Lawndresse
hold Bias. Now to tell you this Bias was one of the 7. Sages or Wise-men of Gaeue My authors to proue him the inuenter of Bowling are Shamrooke a famous Scithian Gimnosophist in his ninth booke of Rubbing and Running of which opinion Balductus the Theban Oratour seemes to bee in his third Treatise of Court performances the likeliest â—iecture is that it was deuised as an embleme to figure out the worlds folly and vnconstancy for though a childe will ride a sticke or staffe with an imagination that hee iron horsebacke or make pyes of dirt or houses of cards feed with two spoones and cry for three pieces of bread and butter which childish actions are ridiculous to a man yet this wise game of Bowling doth make the fathers surpasse their children in apish toyes and most delicate dogtrickes As first for the pollures first handle your Bowle secondly aduance your Bowle thirdly charge your Bowle fourthly ayme your Bowle fiftly discharge your Bowle sixtly plye your Bowle in which last posture of plying your Bowle you shall perceiue many varieties and â—â—â—inns as wringing of the necke lifting vp of the shoulders clapping of the hands lying dowae of one side running after the Bowle making long dutifull scrapes and legs sometimes bareheaded entreating him to flee flee â—â—â— with pox on 't when 't is too short and though the Bowler bee a Gentleman yet there hee may meet with attendant rookes that somtimes will bee his betters six to foure or two to one I doe not know any thing fitter to bee compared to bowling then wooing or â—â—â— for if they doe not see one another in two dayes they will say Good Lord it is seuen yeeres since we saw each other for Louers doe thinke that in absence time sleepeth and in their presence that hee is in a wild gallop So a Bowler although the Allye or marke bee but thirty or forty paces yet sometimes I haue heard the Bowler cry rub rub rub and sweare and lye that hee was gone an hundred miles when the bowle hath beene short of the blocke two yards or that hee was too short a thousand foot when hee is vpon the head of the Iacke or ten or twelue foot beyond In a word there are many more seuerall postures at bowles then there are ridiculous idle tales or iests in my booke Yet are the bowlers very weake stomackt for they are euer casting sometimes they giue the stab at the alley head but God be thanked no bloud shed and sometimes they bestow a Pippin one vpon the other but no good Apple I 'l assure you The marke which they ayme at hath sundry names and epithites as a Blocke a Iacke and a Mistris a Blocke because of his birth and breeding shewing by his mettle of what house he came a Iacke because he being smooth'd and gotten into some handsome shape forgets the house hee came of suffering his betters to giue him the often salute whilest hee like Iack sauce neither knowes himselfe nor will know his superiors But I hold a Mistresse to be the fittest name for it for there are some that are commonly termed Mistresses which are not much better then mine Aunts and a Mistris is oftentimes a marke for euery knaue to haue a fling at euery one striues to come so neere her that hee would kisse her and yet some are short some wide and some ouer and who so doth kisse it may perhaps sweeten his lips but I assure him it shall neuer fill his belly but rather empty his purse So much for bowling that I feare mee I haue bowled beyond the marke 98 A Minister riding into the west parts of England happened to stay at a village on a Sunday where hee offered kindly to bestow a Sermon vpon them which the Constable hearing did ask the Minister if he were liceÌ„ced to preach yes quoth hee that I am and with that hee drew out of a box his Licence which was in Latine truly said the Constable I vnderstand no Latine yet I pray you let mee see it I perhaps shall picke out heere and there a word No good sir quoth the Minister I will haue no words pickt out of it for spoyling my Licence 99 A Clinch A Country man being demanded how such a Riuer was called that ranne through their Country hee answered that they neuer had need to call the Riuer for it alwayes came without calling 100 A Fellow hauing his booke at the Sessions was burnt in the hand and was commanded to say God saue the King the King said hee God saue my Grandam that taught me to read I am sure I had bin hanged else 101 Atoy to mocke an Ape IN Queene Elizabeths dayes there was a fellow that wore a brooch in his hat like a tooth drawer with a Rose and Crowe and two letters this fellow had a warrant from the Lord Chamberlaine at that time to trauell with an exceeding braue Ape which hee had whereby hee gat his liuing from time to time at markets and fayres his Ape did alwayes ride vpon a mastiffe dog and a man with a drum to attend him It happened that these foure trauellers came to a towne called Lâ—â—e in Cornwall where the Inne being taken the drum went about to signifie to the people that at such an Inne was an Ape of singular vertue and quality if they pleased to bestow their time and money to see him now the townsmen being honest labouring Fishers and other painfull functions had no leasure to waste either time or coyne in Ape-tricks so that no audience came to the Inne to the great griefe of Iack an Apes his master who collecting his wits together resolued to aduenture to put a tricke vpon the towne whatsoeuer came of it whereupon hee tooke pen inke and paper and wrote a warrant to the Mayor of the towne as followeth These are to will and require you and euery of you with your wiues and familes that vpon the sight hereof you make your personall appearance before the Queenes Ape for it is an Ape of ranke and quality who is to bee practised through her Maiestics dominions that by his long experience amongst her louing subiects hee may bee the better enabled to doe her Maiesty seruice hereafter and hereof faile you not as you will answer the contrary c. This warrant being brought to the Mayor hee sent for a shoomaker at the furthest end of the towne to read it which when he heard hee sent for all his brethren who went with him to the towne Hall to constult vpon this waighty bustnesse Where after they had sate a quarter of an houre no man saying anything nor any man knowing what to say at last a young man that neuer had borne any office said Gentlemen if I were fit to speake I thinke without offence vnder correction of the worshipfull that I should soone decide this businesse to whom the Mayor said I pray good neighbour speake for though you neuer did beare any
Anothers Horses drawes it quite away One giues a Iarrs of Oyle to scape the soile An Oxe o'retures the Iarre and spils the Oyle And thus like Pharaohs kine he hath the power To make the fastest bribes the leane deuoure His motions moue commotions and his suites Foure times a yeare doe Termely yeeld him fruits Foure sundry wayes a Kingdomes Lawes are vs'd By tow maintained and by two abus'd Good Lawyers liue by Law and 't is most fit Good men obey the Law liue vnder it Bad Lawyers for their gaine doe wrest the Law Bad men of God or mans Law haue no awe But whether these men vse Law well or ill Th' intention of the Law is honest still For as the text is rent and torne and varied And by opinions from the sence is carried By ignorant and wilfull Hereticks Or impure separating Sehismaticks Though from the truth of text all men should seuer The text is permanent and Sacred euer Euen so the Law is in selfe vpright Correcting and protecting wrong and right T is no just Lawyers or the Lawes desame Although some hounds of hell abuse the same This Cormorant I meane gulps whom he list And hauing swallow'd fees into his fist Deferres the motion till the Court with drawes Then to the cushions pleads the poore mans cause As formally as if the Iudge fate No matter for the man the money 's gat My Cormorant was neuer match'd till now If I said o'rematch'd I le resolue you how And you that reade it shall confesse it true Perhaps it is a thing well knowne to you Where Corâ—â—ants haunts numbers of fish grow lesse But where bad Lawyers come there brawles increase Now master Vndershrieue I vnderstand You bring my Lawyer worke vnto his hand You bring him stuffe hee like a Taylor cuts it And into any shape hee pleaseth puts it Though to the Client it appeare slight stuffe It shall out-last him any suite of Buffe For though from terme to terme it be worne long T is drest still with the teazle of the tongue That though it be old at euery day of heating It lookes fresh as 't had neuer come to wearing And though it seeme as th' owner neuer wore it A Broaker will not giue him three pence for it Sweet master Shrieue let it not grieue your mind You being the last o' th brood come last behind No doubt you might be first in a bad case But being call'd vnder I make this your place I know where e're you stand you are so good You 'l scorne to be vnlike one of the brood And tak 't in dudgeon as you might no doubt If mongst this ranke of Corm'rantsâ— you were out I haue a warrant heere for what I doe Plaine truth it selfe and that haue seldome yoe Some of your tribe a man may honest call But those my Corm'rant meddles not withall You that dare fright men of a shallow wit Who cannot read when there is nothing writ And can returne when you are pleas'd to saue A Non inuentus for a bribing knaue For one that stands indebted to the King A Nihil habet if his purse can ring When a poore man shall haue his Bullockes ceaz'd And priz'd at little to make you appeaz'd You haue the art and skill to raze words out Of Writs and Warrants to bring gaine about I will not serue you so for if you looke Your name stands fairely printed in my booke For every one to reade how you can straine On Widowes goods and restore none againe Picke Iuries for your purose which is worse Then if you pick'd the wronged Plaintiffes purse Returne your Writs to your aduantage best Bring in some money and drab out the rest Leauing oft times the high Shrieue in the lurch Who stops the bountie should repaire the Church Or buy some Bels to sound out his deuotion If either Ayre or Earth or the wide Ocean Can shew worse Cormorants or any brooke I 'le neuer aske a penny for my Booke EPILOGVE Now Reader tell me if thou well canst iudge If any honest man haue cause to grudge At these my Stayres being plaine and true Giuing the world and the Diuell their due I haue but bluntly call'd a spade a spade And hee that wincheth shewes himselfe a â—ade Be quiet see thy faults and learnet ' amend Thou shewest thy guiltinesse if thou contend FINIS TAYLORS WATER-WORKE OR THE SCVLLERS TRAVELS FROM TYBER TO THAMES WITH his Boat laden with a Hotch-potch or Gallimawfrey of Sonnets Satyres and Epigrams With an Inkhorne Disputation betwixt a Lawyer and a Poet and a Quarterne of new-catcht Epigrams caught the last Fishingâ—â—â— together with an addition of Pâ—storâ—â—â— Equiâ—â—â— or the complaint of a Shepheard â—… DEDICATED To neither Monarch nor Miser Keaser nor Caitiffe Pallatine or Plebeian but to great Mounsier Multitude ahas All or euery One IOHN TAYLOR sends his Scull-boats lading to be câ—nsured as please their Wisedomes to screw their Lunatike opinions MOst Mighty Catholike or Vmuer sall Mounsier Multitude whose many millions of Hvâ—raes heads Arâ—â—-eâ—es and â—â—â— hands â—â— if you pleaseâ— to iudge of my Water-Muses â—â—â—â—â— to looke with hundreds of â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â— of my Sculler or to lend a few of your many hands to helpe to tugge me a shore at the Hauen of your goodwâ—ls which if you doe it is more then my â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â— expcet or merit But if you will not assâ—st me I will â—â—â—â— the next high tide and scramble vp intoâ— though â—he fast a ground for my labour â—e grable for Gudgeons or fish for Flounders in the Rereward of our eâ—â—â— temporizing â—â—umorists sharpe Satyrists or â—â—â— call â—â—â— I could wish my lines might please like Cheese to a Wâ—lchman Rutter to a Flemine Vsâ—â—â—baugh to an Irishman or Honey to a Beare To conclude I wish best to the Protestâ—â—t I â—â—â— the â—â—â— praying for the perseuerance of the one and a Reâ—ormation of the other Meane â—â—â— my â—â—â— like a Barbers shop is readie for all commers bee they of what Religion they well paying their Farewell Yours ten thousand wayes IOHN TAYLOR To the Right Worshipfull and my euer respected Mr. IOHN MORAY Esqire OF all the wonders this vile world includes I muse how sâ—atterie such high fauours gaine How adulation cunningly deludes Both high and low from Scepâ—er to the swaine But it thou by Sâ—â—tterie couldst obtaine More then the most that is possest by men Thou canst not tune thy tongue to falshoods straine Yet with the best canst vse both tongae and pen. Thy sacred learning can both scan and kâ—n The hidden things of Nature and of Art 'T is thouh all â—â—'d me from obliuions den And made my Muse from oblcure sleepe to start Vnto thy wisdomes censure I commit This first bâ—rne issue of my worthlesse wit I.T. To my deâ—re respected friend Maister Beniamin Iehuson THou canst not â—â—â— for though the strâ—â—â— of death Depriâ—â—â— the World of thyworst â—â—â—thly part Yet when the corps hath banished thy
my lines no â—ot the worse For Gold is gold though buried vnder mosse And drosse in golden vessels is but drosse Iohn Taylor TO TOM CORIAT VVHat matters for the place I first came from I am no Duncecomb Coxecomb Odcomb Tom Nor am I like a wool-pack câ—aÌ„m'd wâ—â— Greek Venus in Venice minded to goe seeke And at my backe returne to write a Volume In memory of my wits Garganina Colume The choysest wits would neuer so adore me Nor like so many Lackiesrun before me But honest Tom I enuy not thy state There 's nothing in thee worthy of my hate Yet I confesse thou hast an excellent wit But that an idle braine doth harbour it Foole thou it at the Court I on the Thames So farewell Obcomb Tom God blesse King Iames. The Author in his owne defence THere is a crew of euer carping spirits Who merit nothing good yet hate good merits One wrings his lawes awry and then cryes mew And that I stole my lines hee 'l plainely shew Thou addle-headed Asse thy braines are muddy Thy witlesle wit vncapable of study Deem'st each inuention barren like to thine And what thou canst not mend thou wilt repine Loe thus to wauering Censures torturing Racke With truth and confidence my Muse doth packe Let Zoylâ—â— and let Momus doe their worst Let Enuie and Detraction swell and burst In spight of spight and rankerous sdaâ—â—e In scorne of any carping Criticks braine Like to a Post I 'le runne through thicke and thin To scourge Iniquity and spurgall sinne You worthy fauourites of wisedomes lore Onely your fauours doth my Muse implore If your good stomackes these harsh lines disgest I carelesse bid a rush for all the rest My lines first parents be they good or ill Was my vnlearned braine and barten quill THE SCVLLER To the whole kennell of Anti-Christs hounds Priests Friers Monkes and Iesuites Mastiffes Mongrels Islands Spanniels Blood-hounds Bobtaile-tike or Foysting-hound The SCVLLER sends greeting Epigram 1. CVrse exorcise with Beads with Booke and Bell Polluted shauelings rage and doe your worst Vse coniurations till your bellics burst With many a Nigromaâ—ticke mumbling spell I feare you not nor all your friends that sell With Lucifer vee damned dogs that durst Deuise that thundring Treason most accurst Whose like before was neuer hatcht in Hell Halfe men halfe diuels who neuer dream'd of good To you from â—aire and sweetly sliding Thames A popomasticke Sculler warre proclaimes As to the suckers of Imperiall bloud An Anti-Iesuice Sculler with his pen Defies your Babell beast and all his Den. I.T. Epigram 2. ROme now approaches thy confusion Thy AntichristiaÌ„ Kingdome down must tumble The NIâ—srods proud cloud-piercing Babylon Like hell-hatch'd pride despight thy hart must humble In scorne of damn'd equiuocation My lines like thunder through thy Regions rumble Downe in the dust must lye thy painted glory For now I row and write thy tragicke story Epigram 3. WHeÌ„ God had all things out of nothing fram'd And man had named all things â—â— are nam'd God shewed to man the way he should behaue him What ill would dam him or what good would saue him All creatures that the world did then containe Were all made subiects to mans Lordly raigne Faire Paradise was Princely ADAMS walke Where God himselfe did often with him talke At which the Angels enuious and proud Striu'd to ascend aboue the highest cloud And with the mighty God to make compare And of his glory to haue greatest share Because they saw Gods loue to man so great They striu'd to throw their Maker from his seat But he whose power is All-sufficient Did headlong hurle them from Heauens battlement And for which enuious pride they so did swell They lost heauens glory for the paines of Hell In all this time man liuing at his ease His wife nor he not knowing to displease Their glorious maker till the Sonne of night Full fraught with rage and poyson bursting spight Finding alone our ancient grandam EVE With false perswasions makes her to beleeue â—â— would eate the fruit she was forbidden â—â—â— should God 's secrets know were from her hidden â—sing all was true the Serpent told â—â—â— both to ADAM straightway did vnfold â—â—â—â—â—â—cherous horrid vile soule killingtreason â—â—â— ambitions past the bounds of reason â—â—â— his posterities sole detriment â—â— to the Woman and the Fiend consent â—â—â—â— ADAM neuer had the diuell obeyed â—â—â— not had the woman for his ayde â—â—â— the sexe that God made man to cherish â—â—â— by the Diuell intic'd to cause him perish â—â—â— supposing he had woone the field â—â—â— taking man to his obedience yeeld â—â—â— ADAM now in corps and mind deiected â—â—â— head to foot with shamefull sinne infected â—â—â— a slaue to sinne the Diuell and Death â—ding the dinger of th' Almighties wrath â—â—â— banisht from Gods presence thrust â—â—â— the earth being for his crime accurst â—â—â— with griefe and selfe-consuming care â—â— at the brimme of bottomlesse dispaire â—â—â— God in mercy thinking of his â—railâ—ie â—â—â— sinfull man to him had broken â—ealcie â—â—â— promise he would send his onely Sonne â—â—â— for faults by man misdone â—â—â— he came in his appointed time â—â—â— on his faultlesse shoulders tooke our crime â—â—â— like a malefactor death he suffered â—â—â—â—â—â— once for all himselfe himselfe hath offered â—â—â— yet the Diuell will not be satisfi'd â—â—â— though the Sonne of God for sinners dy'd â—â—â— dayly hellish damned enterprises â—â—â— Ministers and he gainst man deuises â—â—â— the shelter of Religions cloake â—cusly he doth the world prouoke â—â—â— God in trayterous manner to rebell â—â—â— amplifie his euerlasting hell â—â—â— tempting mankind still by fraud or force â—â—â— soule from his Redeemer to diuorce â—â—â— yet not man alone must feele his sting â—â—â— he dares venter on our heauenly King â—hose power though Satan Knowes is euerlasting â—â—â— after fortie dayes and nights long fasting â—â—â—cking him weake attempts now to inuade him â—â—â— with illusions seeking to perswade him â—â—â—â—â—es our Sauiour vp vnto a Hill â—â—â— told him if he would obey his will â—â—â— oration to fall downâ— before him â—â—â— of the worlds great glory would so store him That he should Lord and Master be of all â—â—â— in reuerence would before him fall Christ knowing him to be the root of euill With God-like power commands auoid thou diuell 'T is writ Thou Shalt not tempt the Lord thy God â—â—â— seiue and feare the fury of his rod Sathan perceiuing all his labour lost Runnes through the world more switter then a post Proclaimes large Kingdomes and a tryple Crowne To him that in his Reuerence would fall downe Ambitious thirst of fickle fading fame Did quickly mindes of wordly man inflame Making them dreame on pleasures â—â—â—â—sitorie And to esteeme earths pompe aboue heauens glory This made the Pope with poysonous pride infus'd T' accept those honours Christ before refus'd Now hath he wonne great fame on this condition That fore the diuell he fall in base submission So hauing wonne this
Boores who weare white Linnen breeches as close as lrish iouzeâ— but so long that they are turned vp at the shooe in a role like a Maides sleeues at the hand but what these fellowes want in the bignesse of their Hose they haue in Dublets for their sleeues are as big as Breeches and the bodies great enough to hold a Kinderkin of beere and a barrell of Butter The Country is very full of Woods and especially Oakes which they very seldome cut down because of the Mast for their Swine which liue there in great abundance If any man bee slaine or murthered in the way they vse to set vp a wooden Crosse in the place for a memoriall of the bloudie fact committed there and there were many of those woodden Crosses in the way as I trauailed They seldome haue any Robbery committed amongst them but there is a murther with it for their vnmannerly manner is to knocke out a mans braines first or else to lurke behind a Tree and shoot a man with a peece or a Pistol and so make sure worke with the passenger and then search his pockets It is as dangerous to steale or killan Hare in some places there as it is to rob a Church or kill a man in England and yet a two penny matter will discharge the offender for the best and the worst is but an Halter and I was enformed that an English Marchant not knowing the danger as he was riding on the way hauing a peece charged in his hand as it is an ordinary weapon to trauaile with there by chance he espyed an hare and shot at her and killed her but hee was apprehended for it and it was like to haue ecst him his life but before he got out of the trouble he was faine to vse his best friends and meanes and pleading ignorance for his innocency at last with the losse of a great deale of liberty and five hundred pound in money he was discharged The reason of this strict course is because all the Hares in the Country doe belong to one Lord or other and being in aboundance they are killed by the owners appointment and carried to the markets by Cart-loads and sold fot the vse of the honourable owners And no Boore or Tenant that dwels in those parts where those Hares are plenty must Keepe a Dogge except hee pay fiue shillings a yeere to the Lord or else one of his fore feet must be cut off that hee may not hunt Hares A Man is in almost as high proportion to be a â—naue in England as a Knight in Germany for there a Gentleman is called a Youngcur and a Knight is but a Youngcurts man so that you shall have a scuruy Squire command a Knight to hold his stirrop plucke off his boots or any other vnknightly peece of seruice and verily I thinke there are an 100. seuerall Princes Earles Byshops and other Estates that doe euery one keepe a mint and in their owne names stampe Money Gold Siluer and Brasse and amongst 23. two pences which I had of their brasse money which they call Grushes I had 13. seuerall coynes Many more such worthic inâ—unctions and honourable ordinances I obserued which are hardly worth pen and inke the describing and therefore I omit them and draw toward an end for on the Wednesday morning I was at an anchor at Stoad and on the Friday night following I was by Gods gracious assistance Landed at London So that in three weekes and three dayes I sayled from England to Hamburgh and backe againe staying in the Countrey 17 dayes and trauailed 200. miles by Land there gathering like a busie Bee all these honied obseruations some by sight some by hearing some by both some by neither and some by bare supposition FINIS TAYLORS TRAVELS TO PRAGVE IN BOHEMIA Reader take this in your way A Pamphlet Reader from the Presse is hurld That hath not many fellowes in the world The manner 's common though the matter 's shallow And 't is all true which makes it want a fellow ANd because I would not haue you either guld of your mony or deceiued in expectatioÌ„ I pray you take notice of my plaine dealing for I haue not giuen my book a swelling bumbasted title or a promising inside of newes therfore if you look for any such matter from hence take this warning hold fast your mony and lay the booke downe yet if you do buy it I dare presume you shall find somwhat in it worth part of your mony the â—roth is that I did chiefly write it because I am of much acquaintance and cannot passe the streets but I am continually stayed by one or other to know what newes so that sometimes I am foure houres before I can goe the length of two paire of Buts where such non-sence or sencelesse questions are propounded to me that cals many seeming wise mens wisedomes in question drawing aside the curtaines of their vnderstanding and laying their ignorance wide open First Iohn Easie takes me and holds me fast by the fift halfe an houre and will needs torture some newes out of me from Spinola whom I was neuer neere by 500 miles for he is in the Phllatinate Country and I was in Bohemia I am no sooner eased of him but Gregory Gandergoose an Alderman of Gotham catches me by the goll demanding if Bohemia be a great Towne and whether there bee any meate in it and whether the last fleet of ships be arriued there his mouth being stop'd a third examines me boldly what newes from Vienna where the Emperours Army is what the Duke of Bauaria doth what is become of Count Buquoy how sares all the Englishmen Where lyes the King of Bohemiaes forces what Bethlem Gabor doth what tydings of Dampeier and such a tempest of inquisition that it almost shakes my patience in peeces To ease my selfe of all which I was inforced to set pen to paper and let this poore Pamphlet my harald or nuntius trauaile and talke whilst I take my ease with silence Thus much I dare affirme that whosoever he or they bee that doe scatter any scandalous speeches against the plenty in Bohemia of all manner of needfull things for the sustenance of man and beasts of the which there is more abundance then euer I saw in any place else or whatsoeuer they be that report any ill successe on the Kings party this little booke and I the Author doth proclaime and proue them false Lyers and they are to be suspected for coyning such falshoods as no well willers to the Bohemian prosperity One thing I must intreat the Readers patience in reading one hundred lines wherein I haue kept a filthy stirre about a beastly fellow who was at my going from England a peece of a Graues end Constable at which time he did me such wrong as might haue drawne my life in question for he falsly said that I would haue fired their Towne I did promise him a ierke or two of my pen