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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A91655	The first [second] book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick, containing five books of the lives, heroick deeds, and sayings of Gargantua, and his sonne Pantagruel. Together with the Pantagrueline prognostication, the oracle of the divine Bachus, and response of the bottle. Hereunto are annexed the navigations unto the sounding isle, and the isle of the Apedests: as likewise the philosophical cream with a Limosm epistle. / All done by Mr. Francis Rabelais, in the French tongue, and now faithfully translated into English.; Gargantua et Pantagruel. English. 1653	Rabelais, François, ca. 1490-1553?; Urquhart, Thomas, Sir, 1611-1660.; Hall, John, 1627-1656.	1653 (1653)	Wing R105; Thomason E1429_1; ESTC R202203	215,621	504

I prethie go on in this torcheculaife orw ipe-bummatory discourse and by my beard I swear for one puncheon thou shalt have threescore pipes I mean of the good Breton wine not that which growes in Britain but in the good countrey of Verron Afterwards I wiped my bum said Gargantua with a kerchief with a pillow with a pantoufle with a pouch with a pannier but that was a wicked and unpleasant torchecul then with a hat of hats note that some are shorne and others shaggie some velveted others covered with taffitie's and others with sattin the best of all these is the shaggie hat for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter Afterwards I wiped my taile with a hen with a cock with a pullet with a calves skin with a hare with a pigeon with a cormorant with an Atturneyes bag with a montero with a coife with a faulconers lure but to conclude I say and maintain that of all torcheculs arsewisps bumfodders tail-napkins bunghole-cleansers and wipe-breeches there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose that is well douned if you hold her head betwixt your legs and beleeve me therein upon mine honour for you will thereby feele in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure both in regard of the softnesse of the said doune and of the temperate heat of the goose which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards insofarre as to come even to the regions of the heart and braines and think not that the felicity of the heroes and demigods in the Elysian fields consisteth either in their Asphodele Ambrosia or Nectar as our old women here use to say but in this according to my judgement that they wipe their tailes with the neck of a goose holding her head betwixt their legs and such is the opinion of Master John of Scotland aliàs Scotus CHAP. XIV How Gargantua was taught Latine by a Sophister THe good man Grangousier having heard this discourse was ravished with admiration considering the high reach and marvellous understanding of his sonne Gargantua and said to his governesses Philip King of Macedon knew the great wit of his sonne Alexander by his skilful managing of a horse for his horse Bucephalus was so fierce and unruly that none durst adventure to ride him after that he had given to his Riders such devillish falls breaking the neck of this man the other mans leg braining one and putting another out of his jaw-bone This by Alexander being considered one day in the hippodrome which was a place appointed for the breaking and managing of great horses he perceived that the fury of the horse proceeded meerly from the feare he had of his own shadow whereupon getting on his back he run him against the Sun so that the shadow fell behinde and by that meanes tamed the horse and brought him to his hand whereby his father knowing the divine judgement that was in him caused him most carefully to be instructed by Aristotle who at that time was highly renowned above all the Philosophers of Greece after the same manner I tell you that by this only discourse which now I have here had before you with my sonne Gargantua I know that his understanding doth participate of some divinity and that if he be well taught and have that education which is fitting he will attain to a supreme degree of wisdome Therefore will I commit him to some learned man to have him indoctrinated according to his capacity and will spare no cost Presently they appointed him a great Sophister-Doctor called Master Tubal Holophernes who taught him his A B C so well that he could say it by heart backwards and about this he was five yeares and three moneths Then read he to him Donat facet theodolet and Alanus in parabolis About this he was thirteen years six moneths and two weeks but you must remark that in the mean time he did learn to write in Gottish characters and that he wrote all his books for the Art of printing was not then in use and did ordinarily carry a great pen and inkhorne weighing above seven thousand quintals that is 700000 pound weight the penner whereof was as big and as long as the great pillar of Enay and the horne was hanged to it in great iron chaines it being of the widenesse of a tun of merchand ware After that he read unto him the book de modis significandi with the Commentaries of Hurtbise of Fasquin of Tropifeu of Gualhaut of Jhon Calf of Billonio of Berlinguandus and a rabble of others and herein he spent more then eighteen yeares and eleven monethes and was so well versed in it that to try masteries in School disputes with his condisciples he would recite it by heart backwards and did sometimes prove on his fingers ends to his mother quod de modis significandi non erat scientia Then did he reade to him the compost for knowing the age of the Moon the seasons of the year and tides of the sea on which he spent sixteen yeares and two moneths and that justly at the time that his said Praeceptor died of the French Pox which was in the yeare one thousand foure hundred and twenty Afterwards he got an old coughing fellow to teach him named Master Jobelin Bride or muzled doult who read unto him Hugotio Flebard Grecisme the doctrinal the parts the quid est the supplementum Marmoretus de moribus in mensa servandis Seneca de quatuor virtutibus cardinalibus Passavantus cum commentar and dormi securè for the holy days and some other of such like mealie stuffe by reading whereof he became as wise as any we ever since baked in an Oven CHAP. XV. How Gargantua was put under other School-masters AT the last his father perceived that indeed he studied hard and that although he spent all his time in it did neverthelesse profit nothing but which is worse grew thereby foolish simple doted and blockish whereof making a heavie regret to Don Philip of Marays Viceroy or deputie-King of Papeligosse he found that it were better for him to learne nothing at all then to be taught such like books under such School-masters because their knowledge was nothing but brutishnesse and their wisdome but blunt foppish toyes serving only to bastardize good and noble spirits and to corrupt all the flower of youth That it is so take said he any young boy of this time who hath only studied two yeares if he have not a better judgement a better discourse and that expressed in better termes then your sonne with a compleater carriage and civility to all manner of persons account me for ever hereafter a very clounch and baconslicer of Brene This pleased Grangousier very well and he commanded that it should be done At night at supper the said Des Marays brought in a young page of his of Ville-gouges called Eudemon so neat so trim so handsom in his apparel so spruce with his

Poets have liberty to paint and devise what they list after their own fancie but he was not satisfied with their answer and said He is not thus painted without a cause and I suspect that at his death there was some wrong done him whereof he requireth his Kinred to take revenge I will enquire further into it and then do what shall be reasonable then he returned not to Poictiers but would take a view of the other Universities of France therefore going to Rochel he took shipping and arrived at Bourdeaux where he found no great exercise only now and then he would see some Marriners and Lightermen a wrestling on the key or strand by the river-side From thence he came to Tholouse where he learned to dance very well and to play with the two-handed sword as the fashion of the Scholars of the said University is to bestir themselves in games whereof they may have their hands full but he stayed not long there when he saw that they did cause bury their Regents alive like red herring saying Now God forbid that I should die this death for I am by nature sufficiently dry already without heating my self any further He went then to Monpellier where he met with the good wives of Mirevaux and good jovial company withal and thought to have set himself to the study of Physick but he considered that that calling was too troublesome and melancholick and that Physicians did smell of glisters like old devils Therefore he resolved he would studie the lawes but seeing that there were but three scauld and one bald-pated Legist in that place he departed from thence and in his way made the Bridge of Gard and the Amphitheater of Neems in lesse then three houres which neverthelesse seems to be a more divine then humane work After that he came to Avignon where he was not above three dayes before he fell in love for the women there take great delight in playing at the close buttock-game because it is Papal ground which his Tutor and Pedagogue Epistemon perceiving he drew him out of that place and brought him to Valence in the Dauphinee where he saw no great matter of recreation only that the Lubbards of the Town did beat the Scholars which so incensed him with anger that when upon a certain very faire Sunday the people being at their publick dancing in the streets and one of the Scholars offering to put himself into the ring to partake of that sport the foresaid lubbardly fellowes would not permit him the admittance into their society He taking the Scholars part so belaboured them with blowes and laid such load upon them that he drove them all before him even to the brink of the river Rhosne and would have there drowned them but that they did squat to the ground and there lay close a full halfe league under the river The hole is to be seen there yet After that he departed from thence and in three strides and one leap came to Angiers where he found himself very well and would have continued there some space but that the plague drove them away So from thence he came to Bourges where he studied a good long time and profited very much in the faculty of the Lawes and would sometimes say that the books of the Civil Law were like unto a wonderfully precious royal and triumphant robe of cloth of gold edged with dirt for in the world are no goodlier books to be seen more ornate nor more eloquent then the texts of the Pandects but the bordering of them that is to say the glosse of Accursius is so scurvie vile base and unsavourie that it is nothing but filthinesse and villany Going from Bourges he came to Orleans where he found store of swaggering Scholars that made him great entertainment at his coming and with whom he learned to play at tennis so well that he was a Master at that game for the Students of the said place make a prime exercise of it and sometimes they carried him unto Cupids houses of commerce in that City termed Islands because of rheir being most ordinarily environed with other houses and not contiguous to any there to recreate his person at the sport of Poussevant which the wenches of London call the Ferkers in and in As for breaking his head with over-much study he had an especial care not to do it in any case for feare of spoiling his eyes which he the rather observed for that it was told him by one of his Teachers there called Regents that the paine of the eyes was the most hurtful thing of any to the sight for this cause when he one day was made a Licentiate or Graduate in law one of the Scholras of his acquaintance who of learning had not much more then his burthen though in stead of that he could dance very well and play at tennis made the blason and device of the Licentiates in the said University saying So you have in your hand a racket A tennis-ball in your Cod-placket A Pandect law in your Caps tippet And that you have the skill to trip it In a low dance you will b' allow'd The grant of the Licentiates hood CHAP. VI. How Pantagruel met with a Limousin who too affestedly did counterfeit the French Language VPon a certain day I know not when Pantagruel walking after supper with some of his fellow-Students without that gate of the City through which we enter on the rode to Paris encountered with a young spruce-like Scholar that was coming upon the same very way and after they had saluted one another asked him thus My friend from whence comest thou now the Scholar answered him From the alme inclyte and celebrate Academie which is vocitated Lutetia What is the meaning of this said Pantagruel to one of his men It is answered he from Paris Thou comest from Paris then said Pantagruel and how do you spend your time there you my Masters the Students of Paris the Scholar answered We transfretate the Sequan at the dilucul and crepuscul we deambulate by the compites and quadrives of the Urb we despumate the Latial verbocination and like verisimilarie amorabons we captat the benevolence of the omnijugal omniform and omnigenal foeminine sexe upon certain diecules we invisat the Lupanares and in a venerian extase inculcate our veretres into the penitissime recesses of the pudends of these amicabilissim meretricules then do we cauponisate in the meritory taberns of the pineapple the castle the magdalene and the mule goodly vervecine spatules perforaminated with petrocile and if by fortune there be rarity or penury of pecune in our marsupies and that they be exhausted of ferruginean mettal for the shot we dimit our codices and oppugnerat our vestiments whilest we prestolate the coming of the Tabellaries from the Penates and patriotick Lares to which Pantagruel answered What devillish language is this by the Lord I think thou art some kind of Heretick My Lord no said the Scholar for

and countenance of a foote he was in his carriage simple boorish in his apparel in fortune poore unhappy in his wives unfit for all offices in the Common-wealth alwayes laughing tipling and merrily carousing to every one with continual gybes and jeeres the better by those meanes to conceale his divine knowledge now opening this boxe you would have found within it a heavenly and inestimable drug a more then humane understanding an admirable vertue matchlesse learning invincible courage unimitable sobriety certaine contentment of minde perfect assurance and an incredible misregard of all that for which men commonly do so much watch run saile fight travel toyle and turmoile themselves Whereunto in your opinion doth this little flourish of a preamble tend For so much as you my good disciples and some other jolly fooles of ease and leasure reading the pleasant titles of some books of our invention as Gargantua Pantagruel Whippot the dignity of Cod-peeces of Pease and Bacon with a Commentary c. are too ready to judge that there is nothing in them but jests mockeries lascivious discourse and recreative lies because the outside which is the Title is usually without any farther enquiry entertained with scoffing and derision but truly it is very unbeseeming to make so slight account of the works of men seeing your selves avouch that it is not the habit makes the Monk many being Monasterially accoutred who inwardly are nothing lesse then monachal and that there are of those that we are Spanish caps who have but little of the valour of Spaniards in them Therefore is it that you must open the book and seriously consider of the matter treated in it then shall you finde that it containeth things of farre higher value then the boxe did promise that is to say that the subject thereof is not so foolish as by the Title at the first sight it would appear to be And put the case that in the literal sense you meet with purposes merry and solacious enough and consequently very correspondent to their inscriptions yet must not you stop there as at the melody of the charming Syrens but endeavour to interpret that in a sublimer sense which possibly you intended to have spoken in the jollitie of your heart did you ever pick the lock of a cupboard to steale a bottle of wine out of it Tell me truly and if you did call to minde the countenance which then you had or did you ever see a Dog with a marrow-bone in his mouth the beast of all other saies Plato lib. 2. de Republica the most Philosophical if you have seene him you might have remarked with what devotion and circumspectnesse he wards and watcheth it with what care he keeps it how fervently he holds it how prudently he gobbets it with what affection he breaks it and with what diligence he sucks it to what end all this what moveth him to take all these paines what are the hopes of his labour what doth he expect to reap thereby nothing but a little marrow True it is that this little is more savoury and delicious then the great quantities of other sorts of meat because the marrow as Galen testifieth 5. facult nat 11. de usu partium is a nourishment most perfectly elaboured by nature In imitation of this Dog it becomes you to be wise to smell feele and have in estimation these faire goodly books stuffed with high conceptions which though seemingly easie in the pursuit are in the cope and encounter somewhat difficult and then like him you must by a sedulous Lecture and frequent meditation break the bone and suck out the marrow that is my allegorical sense or the things I to my self propose to be signified by these Pythagorical Symbols with assured hope that in so doing you will at last attaine to be both well-advised and valiant by the reading of them for in the perusal of this Treatise you shall finde another kinde of taste and a doctrine of a more profound and abstruse consideration which will disclose unto you the most glorious Sacraments and dreadful mysteries as well in what concerneth your Religion as matters of the publike State and Life oeconomical Do you beleeve upon your conscience that Homer whil'st he was a couching his Iliads and Odysses had any thought upon those Allegories which Plutarch Heraclides Ponticus Fristatius Cornutus squeesed out of him and which Politian silched againe from them if you trust it with neither hand nor foot do you come neare to my opinion which judgeth them to have beene as little dreamed of by Homer as the Gospel-sacraments were by Ovid in his Metamorphosis though a certaine gulligut Fryer and true bacon-picker would have undertaken to prove it if perhaps he had met with as very fools as himself and as the Proverb saies a lid worthy of such a kettle if you give no credit thereto why do not you the' same in these jovial new chronicles of mine albeit when I did dictate them I thought upon no more then you who possibly were drinking the whil'st as I was for in the composing of this lordly book I never lost nor bestowed any more nor any other time then what was appointed to serve me for taking of my bodily refection that is whil'st I was eating and drinking And indeed that is the fittest and most proper hour wherein to write these high matters and deep Sciences as Homer knew very well the Paragon of all Philologues and Ennius the father of the Latine Poets as Horace calls him although a certain sneaking jobernol alledged that his Verses smelled more of the wine then oile So saith a Turlupin or a new start-up grub of my books but a turd for him The fragrant odour of the wine O how much more dainty pleasant laughing celestial and delicious it is then that smell of oile and I will glory as much when it is said of me that I have spent more on wine then oile as did Demosthenes when it was told him that his expense on oile was greater then on wine I truly held it for an honour and praise to be called and reputed a frolick Gualter and a Robin goodfellow for under this name am I welcome in all choise companies of Pantagruelists it was upbraided to Demosthenes by an envious surly knave that his Orations did smell like the sarpler or wrapper of a foul and filthy oile-vessel for this cause interpret you all my deeds sayings in the perfectest sense reverence the cheese-like brain that feeds you with these faire billevezees and trifling jollities and do what lies in you to keep me alwayes merry Be frolick now my lads cheer up your hearts and joyfully read the rest with all the ease of your body and profit of your reines but hearken joltheads you viedazes or dickens take ye remember to drink a health to me for the like favour again and I will pledge you instantly Tout ares metys RABELAIS TO THE Reader GOod friends

my Readers who peruse this Book Be not offended whil'st on it you look Denude your selves of all deprav'd affection For it containes no badnesse nor infection 'T is true that it brings forth to you no birth Of any value but in point of mirth Thinking therefore how sorrow might your minde Consume I could no apter subject finde One inch of joy surmounts of grief a span Because to laugh is proper to the man CHAP. I. Of the Genealogy and Antiquity of GAR GANTUA I Must referre you to the great Chronicle of Pantagruel for the knowledge of that Genealogy and Antiquity of race by which Gargantua is come unto us in it you may understand more at large how the Giants were born in this world and how from them by a direct line issued Gargantua the father of Pantagruel and do not take it ill if for this time I passe by it although the subject be such that the oftener it were remembered the more it would please your worshipfull Seniorias according to which you have the authority of Plato in Philebo and Gorgias and of Flaccus who saies that there are some kindes of purposes such as these are without doubt which the frequentlier they be repeated still prove the more delectable Would to God every one had as certaine knowledge of his Genealogy since the time of the Arke of Noah untill this age I think many are at this day Emperours Kings Dukes Princes and Popes on the earth whose extraction is from some porters and pardon-pedlars as on the contrary many are now poor wandring beggars wretched and miserable who are descended of the blood and lineage of great Kings and Emperours occasioned as I conceive it by the transport and revolution of Kingdomes and Empires from the Assyrians to the Medes from the Medes to the Persians from the Persians to the Macedonians from the Macedonians to the Romans from the Romans to the Greeks from the Greeks to the French c. And to give you some hint concerning my self who speaks unto you I cannot think but I am come of the race of some rich King or Prince in former times for never yet saw you any man that had a greater desire to be a King and to be rich then I have and that onely that I may make good chear do nothing nor care forany thing and plentifully enrich my friends and all honest and learned men but herein do I comfort my self that in the other world I shall be so yea and greater too then at this present I dare wish as for you with the same or a better conceit consolate your selves in your distresses and drink fresh if you can come by it To returne to our weathers I say that by the sovereign gift of heaven the Antiquity and Genealogy of Gargantua hath been reserved for our use more full and perfect then any other except that of the Messias whereof I mean not to speak for it belongs not unto my purpose and the Devils that is to say the false accusers and dissembled gospellers will therein oppose me This Genealogy was found by John Andrew in a meadow which he had near the Pole-arch under the Olive-tree as you go to Marsay where as he was making cast up some ditches the diggers with their mattocks struck against a great brazen tomb and unmeasurably long for they could never finde the end thereof by reason that it entered too farre within the Sluces of Vienne opening this Tomb in a certain place thereof sealed on the top with the mark of a goblet about which was written in Hetrurian letters HIC BIBITUR They found nine Flaggons set in such order as they use to ranke their kyles in Gasconie of which that which was placed in the middle had under it a big fat great gray pretty small mouldy little pamphlet smelling stronger but no better then Roses In that book the said Genealogy was found written all at length in a Chancery hand not in paper not in parchment nor in wax but in the bark of an elme-tree yet so worne with the long tract of time that hardly could three letters together be there perfectly discerned I though unworthy was sent for thither and with much help of those Spectacles whereby the art of reading dim writings and letters that do not clearly appear to the sight is practised as Aristotle teacheth it did translate the book as you may see in your pantagruelising that is to say in drinking stifly to your own hearts desire and reading the dreadful and horrifick acts of Pantagruel at the end of the book there was a little Treatise entituled the Antidoted Fanfreluches or a Galimatia of extravagant conceits The rats and mothes or that I may not lie other wicked beasts had nibled off the beginning the rest I have hereto subjoyned for the reverence I beare to antiquity THE Antidoted Fanfreluches Or A Galimatia of extravagant conceits found in an ancient Monument No sooner did the Cymbrians overcommer Pass through the air to shun the dew of summer But at his coming streight great tubs were fill'd With pure fresh Butter down in showers distill'd Wherewith when water'd was his Grandam heigh A loud he cryed Fish it Sir I pray ye Because his beard is almost all beray'd Or that he would hold to 'm a scale he pray'd To lick his slipper some told was much better Then to gaine pardons and the merit greater In th' interim a crafty chuff approaches From the depth issued where they fish for Roches Who said Good sirs some of them let us save The Eele is here and in this hollow cave You 'll finde if that our looks on it demurre A great wast in the bottome of his furre To read this Chapter when he did begin Nothingbut a calves hornes were found therein I feel quoth he the Miter which doth hold My head so chill it makes my braines take cold Being with the perfume of a Turnup warm'd To stay by chimney hearths himself he arm'd Provided that a new thill horse they made Of every person of a hair-braind head They talked of the bunghole of Saint Knowles Of Gilbathar and thousand other holes If they might be reduc'd t' a scarry stuffe Such as might not be subject to the cough Since ev'ry man unseemly did it finde To see them gaping thus at ev'ry winde For if perhaps they handsomely were clos'd For pledges they to men might be expos'd In this arrest by Hercules the Raven Was flayd at her returne from Lybia haven Why am not I said Minos there invited Unlesse it be my self not one 's omitted And then it is their minde I do no more Of Frogs and Oysters send them any store In case they spare my life and prove but civil I give their sale of distaffs to the Devil To quell him comes Q. R. who limping frets At the safe passe of trixie Crackarets The boulter the grand Cyclops cousin those Did massacre whil'st each one wip'd his nose Few ingles in this