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beseech_v your_o reverence_n my_o good_a father_n to_o beg_v of_o almighty_a god_n that_o he_o will_v either_o take_v i_o quick_o to_o himself_o or_o else_o i_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o give_v i_o power_n to_o serve_v he_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o humble_o beseech_v almighty_a god_n that_o what_o i_o have_v write_v here_o may_v be_v of_o some_o use_n to_o your_o reverence_n and_o i_o have_v not_o do_v it_o without_o some_o trouble_n in_o regard_n of_o the_o little_a convenience_n which_o i_o have_v but_o happy_a shall_v this_o trouble_n be_v if_o i_o have_v chance_v to_o hit_v any_o thing_n right_a and_o if_o our_o bless_a lord_n may_v receive_v some_o one_o only_a act_n of_o praise_n by_o occasion_n thereof_o i_o shall_v esteem_v myself_o to_o be_v full_o pay_v though_o your_o reverence_n shall_v burn_v it_o all_o immediate_o after_o and_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o wish_v that_o this_o shall_v happen_v till_o those_o three_o person_n have_v see_v it_o of_o who_o 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that_o if_o he_o will_v he_o can_v he_o may_v be_v please_v to_o make_v i_o whole_o hit_v the_o mark_n in_o performance_n of_o his_o holy_a will_n and_o not_o permit_v that_o this_o soul_n be_v lose_v which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v be_v please_v by_o so_o many_o way_n and_o even_o cunning_a industry_n of_o he_o yea_o and_o that_o so_o many_o time_n to_o deliver_v and_o bring_v out_o of_o hell_n and_o to_o draw_v up_o so_o very_o close_o to_o himself_o amen_o benedictus_fw-la deus_fw-la this_o book_n be_v finish_v the_o first_o time_n in_o june_n in_o the_o year_n of_o our_o lord_n god_n 1562._o it_o be_v write_v then_o without_o distinction_n of_o chapter_n but_o afterward_o it_o be_v write_v by_o this_o glorious_a saint_n again_o and_o then_o it_o be_v divide_v into_o chapter_n and_o many_o thing_n also_o be_v add_v by_o she_o which_o happen_v afterward_o and_o particular_o that_o which_o concern_v the_o foundation_n of_o the_o monastery_n of_o s._n joseph_n of_o auila_n a_o 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other_o very_o unnecessary_o repeat_v for_o the_o time_n wherein_o i_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o do_v prove_v so_o very_o straight_o and_o short_a that_o i_o can_v not_o so_o much_o as_o look_v over_o what_o i_o have_v write_v i_o beseech_v your_o reverence_n to_o reform_v my_o error_n herein_o and_o to_o command_v it_o to_o be_v copy_v out_o and_o send_v to_o father_n auila_n for_o else_o perhaps_o the_o hand_n may_v be_v know_v to_o other_o but_o i_o desire_v very_o much_o that_o such_o order_n may_v be_v take_v as_o that_o he_o may_v see_v it_o since_o i_o partly_o begin_v to_o write_v it_o upon_o that_o design_n for_o when_o he_o shall_v once_o conceive_v that_o i_o go_v in_o a_o way_n which_o be_v right_a i_o shall_v be_v very_o much_o comfort_v by_o it_o and_o so_o when_o i_o shall_v have_v use_v this_o diligence_n there_o will_v be_v on_o my_o part_n no_o more_o to_o be_v do_v i_o humble_o pray_v your_o reverence_n to_o do_v in_o all_o thing_n as_o you_o shall_v think_v fit_a 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one_o day_n grow_v to_o understand_v more_o clear_o the_o great_a blessing_n which_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o show_v we_o both_o that_o so_o we_o may_v be_v able_a to_o praise_v he_o for_o all_o eternity_n amen_n a_o table_n of_o the_o chapter_n 1._o chap._n the_o saint_n show_v how_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o stirr-up_a her_o soul_n in_o her_o childhood_n to_o the_o performe_a of_o virtuous_a action_n and_o of_o the_o help_n which_o it_o give_v in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n to_o be_v bear_v of_o virtuous_a parent_n 2._o chap._n she_o show_v how_o she_o go_v loose_v in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n and_o how_o very_o much_o it_o
have_v a_o mind_n to_o be_v most_o particular_o serve_v and_o glorify_v by_o it_o and_o that_o the_o soul_n which_o will_v consecrate_v themselves_o to_o he_o therein_o may_v prove_v to_o be_v holy_a and_o happy_a in_o a_o very_a eminent_a degree_n as_o long_o as_o they_o will_v continue_v attentive_a and_o careful_a not_o to_o swerve_v from_o that_o spirit_n which_o be_v derive_v to_o they_o from_o heaven_n through_o s._n teresa_n by_o her_o prayer_n and_o tear_n and_o other_o holy_a mean_n which_o spirit_n of_o she_o though_o it_o evident_o appear_v both_o by_o the_o exercise_n and_o example_n of_o all_o heroical_a virtue_n yet_o particular_o it_o seem_v to_o aim_v and_o point_n at_o the_o regular_a and_o constant_a use_n of_o recollection_n &_o mental_a prayer_n whereof_o she_o speak_v often_o and_o with_o most_o particular_a desire_n and_o care_n and_o appoint_v two_o hour_n to_o be_v employ_v every_o day_n therein_o beside_o all_o other_o devotion_n of_o any_o kind_n which_o be_v practise_v by_o all_o her_o holy_a religious_a and_o be_v real_o that_o time_n which_o give_v they_o more_o abundant_a joy_n than_o all_o the_o rest_n and_o indeed_o she_o take_v many_o occasion_n not_o only_o to_o recommend_v it_o earnest_o to_o the_o child_n and_o successor_n of_o her_o own_o order_n but_o exhort_v also_o all_o creature_n who_o will_v have_v the_o happiness_n to_o be_v the_o true_a servant_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n to_o take_v fast_o hold_v by_o this_o anchor_n in_o their_o navigation_n through_o the_o sea_n of_o this_o world_n in_o which_o sea_n not_o only_o they_o who_o be_v best_a ship_v but_o even_o such_o other_o also_o as_o have_v be_v cast_v over_o board_n from_o grace_n into_o the_o storm_n and_o tempest_n of_o a_o sinful_a life_n may_v yet_o by_o mean_n of_o prayer_n prove_v able_a yea_o and_o moral_o certain_a through_o the_o mercy_n of_o almighty_a god_n to_o recover_v the_o assure_a port_n of_o salvation_n for_o in_o the_o judgement_n of_o this_o 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must_v indeed_o be_v whole_o not_o only_o from_o the_o firm_a purpose_n of_o commit_v any_o sin_n whether_o it_o be_v great_a or_o small_a but_o even_o from_o the_o very_o fasten_v her_o affection_n in_o any_o manner_n of_o inordinate_a way_n to_o any_o creature_n of_o any_o kind_n though_o yet_o it_o shall_v not_o be_v unlawful_a in_o itself_o and_o a_o most_o particular_a care_n must_v also_o be_v take_v by_o all_o such_o as_o will_v follow_v the_o footstep_n &_o direction_n of_o this_o glorious_a saint_n upon_o which_o she_o press_v so_o very_o often_o &_o so_o very_o hard_o in_o twenty_o place_n of_o this_o excellent_a work_n that_o a_o soul_n which_o pretend_v to_o serve_v our_o bless_a lord_n in_o this_o kind_n as_o she_o ought_v must_v resolve_v both_o very_o faithful_o &_o very_o early_o to_o dispose_v herself_o to_o do_v it_o with_o true_a &_o perfect_a liberty_n of_o spirit_n that_o be_v with_o a_o absolute_a intention_n &_o determination_n to_o do_v it_o mere_o because_o it_o be_v the_o holy_a will_n of_o our_o b._n lord_n and_o because_o he_o have_v make_v it_o the_o mean_n whereby_o she_o may_v obtain_v the_o pardon_n of_o her_o sin_n and_o acquire_v all_o christian_a virtue_n through_o increase_n of_o grace_n and_o pay_v both_o frequent_a &_o ardent_a act_n of_o homage_n &_o grief_n &_o love_n to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n &_o procure_v a_o imitation_n of_o those_o heroical_a virtue_n which_o he_o be_v please_v to_o express_v in_o his_o bitter_a passion_n and_o above_o all_o thing_n the_o saint_n require_v we_o to_o take_v heed_n of_o have_v any_o mercenary_a respect_n at_o all_o to_o receive_v gust_n &_o spiritual_a delight_n or_o other_o high_a favour_n from_o he_o in_o this_o life_n but_o to_o remit_v all_o such_o thing_n to_o the_o next_o and_o so_o that_o we_o may_v ever_o do_v he_o true_a service_n to_o leave_v it_o with_o all_o indifferency_n &_o conformity_n to_o our_o bless_a lord_n whether_o he_o will_v dispense_v all_o his_o favour_n to_o we_o at_o one_o payment_n in_o the_o next_o world_n or_o else_o by_o part_n &_o portion_n in_o this_o and_o whosoever_o shall_v be_v of_o a_o different_a mind_n will_v not_o only_o disoblige_v the_o glorious_a s._n teresa_n herself_o but_o may_v also_o make_v this_o book_n both_o a_o unprofitable_a &_o unuseful_a yea_o &_o even_o a_o inconvenient_a study_n for_o his_o soul_n but_o to_o return_v to_o the_o glorious_a action_n of_o this_o saint_n that_o beside_o the_o institute_n or_o redress_v this_o order_n where_o she_o have_v both_o man_n and_o woman_n though_o yet_o chief_o her_o own_o sex_n in_o her_o eye_n she_o shall_v also_o be_v only_o but_o a_o woman_n be_v able_a so_o to_o work_v upon_o man_n as_o in_o despite_n of_o less_o rigour_n &_o no_o little_a envy_n to_o bring_v they_o to_o take_v as_o it_o be_v the_o law_n at_o her_o hand_n and_o notwithstanding_o the_o pride_n of_o old_a adam_n to_o overworke_n they_o to_o cooperate_v with_o the_o grace_n of_o the_o new_a and_o to_o make_v they_o not_o disdain_v to_o accept_v of_o her_o instruction_n and_o to_o apply_v themselves_o to_o the_o imitation_n of_o this_o virgin_n will_v not_o allow_v we_o to_o do_v any_o thing_n but_o wonder_v save_v that_o it_o be_v most_o evident_o the_o hand_n and_o the_o strong_a hand_n of_o almighty_a god_n who_o enable_v and_o strengthen_v this_o dear_a servant_n of_o he_o to_o be_v the_o instrument_n of_o so_o heroical_a a_o work_n and_o all_o this_o be_v so_o excellent_o set_v down_o by_o the_o say_a doctor_n lewis_n de_fw-fr leon_n as_o that_o i_o will_v do_v both_o the_o saint_n and_o her_o child_n the_o right_a to_o show_v they_o the_o very_a fountain_n itself_o from_o whence_o the_o relation_n spring_v and_o not_o deface_v or_o disgrace_v it_o by_o any_o imperfect_a description_n of_o my_o own_o you_o be_v therefore_o to_o understand_v and_o consider_v for_o these_o circumstance_n be_v not_o impertinent_a to_o the_o substance_n that_o some_o year_n after_o the_o death_n of_o this_o excellent_a creature_n s._n teresa_n and_o long_o before_o she_o be_v declare_v a_o saint_n by_o the_o judgement_n of_o the_o holy_a catholic_a church_n in_o the_o process_n whereof_o there_o use_v ever_o to_o be_v even_o a_o excess_n of_o difficulty_n in_o weigh_v and_o admit_v of_o all_o proof_n there_o grow_v a_o question_n about_o the_o publish_n of_o her_o write_n and_o work_n and_o to_o the_o end_n that_o nothing_o may_v be_v do_v therein_o either_o by_o any_o indiscreet_a zeal_n or_o other_o accident_n the_o council_n royal_a of_o spain_n which_o be_v a_o body_n of_o great_a authority_n &_o wisdom_n commit_v the_o review_n of_o whatsoever_o the_o saint_n have_v leave_v behind_o she_o in_o that_o kind_n to_o be_v consider_v by_o some_o fit_n &_o grave_a person_n that_o so_o that_o which_o shall_v be_v find_v to_o be_v true_o she_o may_v be_v distinguish_v from_o other_o thing_n and_o so_o proceed_v to_o be_v public_a by_o authority_n this_o person_n be_v a_o learned_a and_o renown_a man_n a_o father_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n &_o a_o doctor_n who_o live_v in_o madrid_n at_o that_o time_n his_o name_n be_v lewis_z de_fw-fr leon_n as_o i_o say_v before_o who_o together_o with_o acknowledge_v and_o approve_v yea_o and_o admire_v her_o write_n whereof_o this_o life_n of_o she_o be_v the_o chief_a employ_v himself_o also_o with_o great_a care_n to_o set_v they_o out_o himself_z and_o when_o this_o book_n go_v to_o the_o press_n he_o dedicate_v it_o to_o the_o prioress_n and_o religious_a woman_n of_o the_o teresian-carmelites_n who_o then_o be_v new_o found_v in_o madrid_n and_o here_o you_o shall_v be_v entertain_v with_o as_o much_o of_o that_o dedicatory_a epistle_n as_o import_v the_o excellency_n both_o of_o the_o holy_a mother_n s._n
give_v i_o light_n by_o her_o mean_n as_o i_o will_v now_o declare_v the_o three_o chapter_n wherein_o she_o treat_v how_o her_o fall_v into_o virtuous_a company_n be_v the_o occasion_n of_o she_o return_v to_o awake_a good_a desire_n in_o herself_o and_o how_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o give_v she_o some_o light_n of_o the_o error_n wherein_o she_o have_v former_o be_v but_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o take_v gust_n in_o the_o good_a and_o holy_a conversation_n of_o this_o religious_a woman_n be_v joy_v to_o hear_v how_o well_o she_o be_v wont_a to_o speak_v of_o almighty_a god_n for_o she_o be_v both_o very_a holy_a and_o very_o discreet_a of_o this_o i_o conceive_v &_o confess_v i_o do_v never_o at_o any_o time_n give_v over_o to_o â—â—â—â—ery_o glad_a to_o hear_v she_o begin_v one_o day_n to_o tell_v nâ—â—â—â—ow_o she_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n by_o the_o only_o read_v of_o that_o place_n of_o the_o gospel_n that_o many_o be_v call_v but_o few_o be_v choose_v and_o she_o speak_v much_o to_o i_o of_o the_o reward_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v to_o such_o as_o leave_v all_o thing_n for_o the_o love_n of_o he_o in_o a_o word_n this_o good_a society_n of_o she_o begin_v quick_o to_o put_v to_o flight_n those_o custom_n and_o condivons_a which_o ill_a company_n have_v bring_v upon_o i_o and_o restore_v the_o desire_n of_o eternal_a blessing_n to_o my_o thought_n yea_o and_o to_o strip_v i_o in_o some_o part_n of_o that_o great_a enmity_n and_o opposition_n against_o becominge_v a_o religious_a woman_n which_o former_o have_v be_v very_o extreme_a but_o now_o if_o i_o chance_v to_o see_v any_o one_o who_o shed_v many_o tear_n for_o her_o sin_n or_o else_o that_o she_o abound_v in_o other_o virtue_n i_o carry_v a_o kind_n of_o envy_n towards_o she_o though_o as_o for_o this_o hart_n of_o i_o it_o be_v so_o very_o hard_o and_o even_o impenetrable_a in_o this_o kind_n that_o if_o i_o shall_v have_v read_v over_o the_o whole_a history_n of_o the_o paision_n of_o our_o bless_a saviour_n i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o shed_v a_o tear_n and_o this_o put_v i_o to_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n in_o this_o monastery_n do_v i_o remain_v a_o year_n and_o a_o half_a and_o i_o be_v much_o improve_v there_o i_o begin_v to_o say_v many_o vocal_a prayer_n and_o i_o procure_v of_o all_o the_o religious_a that_o they_o will_v recommend_v i_o much_o to_o almighty_a god_n to_o the_o end_n that_o he_o may_v place_v i_o in_o such_o a_o way_n of_o life_n as_o wherein_o i_o may_v be_v likely_a to_o serve_v he_o best_o but_o still_o i_o do_v even_o desire_n that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n and_o that_o this_o may_v not_o be_v the_o state_n which_o god_n will_v give_v i_o though_o yet_o still_o i_o be_v afraid_a to_o be_v marry_v but_o now_o at_o the_o end_n of_o the_o time_n when_o i_o be_v there_o i_o already_o begin_v to_o be_v more_o incline_v to_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n though_o yet_o not_o in_o that_o very_a house_n where_o i_o be_v then_o in_o regard_n of_o those_o action_n of_o extraordinary_a virtue_n and_o penance_n which_o i_o understand_v they_o use_v and_o which_o seem_v to_o i_o of_o too_o much_o rigour_n yet_o there_o be_v some_o of_o the_o young_a sort_n of_o themselves_o who_o encourage_v i_o towards_o those_o formet_fw-la more_o imperfect_a thought_n for_o if_o they_o all_o have_v be_v of_o one_o opinion_n it_o will_v have_v be_v much_o to_o my_o true_a advantage_n i_o have_v also_o a_o great_a friend_n in_o another_o monastery_n and_o this_o be_v partly_o a_o reason_n why_o if_o i_o will_v be_v a_o religious_a woman_n i_o will_v not_o yet_o be_v so_o in_o any_o other_o place_n then_o where_o that_o friend_n of_o i_o be_v for_o i_o carry_v more_o respect_n to_o my_o sensuality_n and_o vanity_n then_o to_o the_o benefit_n which_o i_o may_v bring_v to_o my_o soul_n these_o good_a thought_n of_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n be_v often_o come_v to_o i_o by_o time_n but_o they_o be_v instant_o send_v away_o again_o and_o i_o can_v not_o yet_o persuade_v myself_o to_o be_v one_o at_o this_o time_n though_o myself_o be_v not_o altogether_o without_o care_n of_o my_o cure_n yet_o our_o lord_n be_v much_o full_a of_o desire_n to_o dispose_v i_o for_o that_o state_n which_o will_v be_v best_a for_o my_o soul_n he_o then_o give_v i_o so_o great_a a_o sickness_n that_o i_o be_v force_v to_o return_v home_o to_o my_o father_n house_n and_o when_v once_o i_o be_v recover_v they_o conduct_v i_o to_o give_v a_o visit_n to_o one_o of_o my_o sister_n in_o the_o country_n for_o the_o love_n which_o i_o bear_v she_o be_v extreme_a and_o by_o her_o will_n i_o shall_v never_o have_v part_v from_o she_o her_o husband_n do_v also_o love_v i_o very_o much_o and_o at_o least_o he_o regale_v i_o high_o and_o even_o for_o this_o also_o be_o i_o oblige_v to_o our_o bless_a lord_n since_o in_o all_o place_n where_o i_o have_v be_v i_o be_v ever_o treat_v after_o this_o manner_n notwithstanding_o that_o i_o have_v be_v as_o unthankful_a to_o he_o for_o it_o as_o for_o his_o other_o favour_n now_o by_o the_o way_n towards_o my_o sister_n i_o have_v a_o uncle_n my_o father_n brother_n who_o be_v a_o very_a advise_a man_n and_o of_o great_a virtue_n he_o be_v a_o widower_n and_o our_o lord_n go_v dispose_v he_o for_o his_o own_o service_n and_o when_o he_o grow_v on_o to_o be_v of_o year_n he_o leave_v the_o world_n and_o become_v a_o religious_a man_n and_o end_v his_o life_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o believe_v he_o be_v now_o enjoy_v the_o vision_n of_o almighty_a god_n but_o he_o will_v needs_o have_v i_o as_o i_o pass_v remain_v with_o he_o some_o day_n his_o usual_a exercise_n be_v to_o read_v good_a book_n in_o the_o spanish_a tongue_n and_o his_o discourse_n be_v most_o common_o of_o god_n and_o of_o the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n and_o those_o book_n will_v he_o also_o make_v i_o read_v and_o though_o i_o have_v no_o great_a like_n to_o this_o yet_o i_o pretend_v that_o i_o have_v for_o in_o the_o point_n of_o give_v contentment_n to_o other_o i_o have_v ever_o a_o extreme_a kind_n of_o care_n how_o dear_a soever_o it_o may_v cost_v i_o so_o that_o the_o same_o thing_n which_o have_v be_v virtue_n in_o other_o be_v a_o great_a fault_n in_o i_o because_o i_o often_o carry_v myself_o therein_o with_o much_o indiscretion_n o_o my_o god_n by_o what_o way_n do_v thy_o divine_a majesty_n go_v dispose_v i_o for_o that_o state_n in_o which_o thou_o be_v please_v that_o i_o shall_v serve_v thou_o since_o thou_o do_v even_o force_v i_o thus_o as_o it_o be_v against_o my_o will_n to_o force_v myself_o be_v thou_o bless_v for_o all_o eternity_n amen_o though_o i_o stay_v not_o long_o in_o that_o place_n yet_o by_o the_o effect_n which_o the_o word_n of_o almighty_a god_n wrought_v in_o my_o hart_n whether_o they_o be_v read_v or_o hear_v by_o i_o together_o with_o so_o good_a company_n as_o that_o be_v wherein_o i_o find_v myself_o then_o i_o come_v to_o understand_v this_o truth_n which_o i_o have_v learn_v when_o i_o be_v yet_o but_o a_o child_n that_o namely_o all_o be_v nothing_o and_o how_o great_a the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n be_v and_o that_o all_o will_v be_v short_o at_o a_o end_n and_o that_o i_o may_v just_o fear_v least_o die_v in_o that_o condition_n wherein_o i_o be_v i_o may_v chance_v go_v drop_v down_o into_o hell_n and_o though_o my_o will_n do_v not_o yet_o entire_o resolve_v i_o to_o make_v myself_o a_o religious_a woman_n yet_o i_o well_o discern_v that_o it_o be_v the_o better_a and_o more_o secure_a state_n and_o so_o by_o little_a and_o little_a i_o determine_v to_o force_v my_o hart_n to_o embrace_v it_o in_o this_o battle_n i_o remain_v three_o month_n constrain_a myself_o at_o last_o by_o this_o follow_a discourse_n and_o reason_n that_o the_o trouble_n and_o affliction_n of_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n can_v not_o be_v great_a than_o the_o pain_n of_o purgatory_n and_o that_o i_o have_v so_o well_o deserve_v hell_n it_o be_v not_o to_o be_v esteem_v too_o much_o if_o i_o remain_v while_o i_o shall_v live_v here_o as_o in_o purgatory_n so_o that_o afterward_o i_o may_v go_v straight_o to_o heaven_n for_o this_o be_v my_o desire_n but_o yet_o even_o in_o this_o inclination_n of_o i_o to_o take_v this_o state_n upon_o i_o i_o doubt_v i_o be_v more_o move_v by_o a_o kind_n of_o servile_a fear_n then_o by_o love._n the_o devil_n in_o the_o mean_a time_n represent_v to_o i_o that_o i_o will_v never_o
be_v able_a to_o suffer_v the_o difficulty_n and_o trouble_n of_o a_o religious_a life_n because_o former_o i_o have_v be_v use_v so_o delicate_o and_o be_v so_o nice_a but_o yet_o against_o this_o also_o i_o defend_v myself_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v by_o the_o affliction_n which_o christ_n our_o lord_n endure_v for_o i_o and_o that_o so_o it_o will_v not_o be_v much_o for_o i_o to_o endure_v some_o for_o he_o i_o ought_v also_o to_o have_v consider_v that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o help_v to_o bear_v they_o yet_o i_o remember_v not_o whether_o i_o have_v this_o last_o consideration_n or_o no_o but_o i_o be_o sure_a i_o have_v temptation_n enough_o about_o that_o time_n i_o then_o also_o grow_v to_o have_v great_a fit_n of_o faint_a by_o a_o burn_a fever_n into_o which_o i_o fall_v for_o i_o always_o have_v little_a health_n but_o it_o give_v i_o even_o my_o life_n at_o that_o time_n that_o already_o i_o be_v grow_v to_o love_v good_a book_n and_o so_o i_o come_v to_o read_v the_o epistle_n of_o s._n jerome_n which_o help_v i_o to_o such_o hart_n and_o courage_n as_o to_o make_v i_o resolve_v that_o i_o will_v impart_v my_o purpose_n to_o my_o father_n which_o in_o effect_n be_v even_o as_o much_o for_o i_o as_o to_o take_v the_o very_a habit_n upon_o i_o for_o i_o be_v ever_o so_o affect_v to_o maintain_v the_o point_n of_o honour_n that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v never_o have_v turn_v back_o again_o upon_o any_o term_n when_o i_o have_v first_o engage_v myself_o by_o speak_v any_o one_o word_n to_o the_o contrary_n but_o he_o love_v i_o to_o so_o strange_a a_o proportion_n that_o by_o no_o mean_n i_o can_v win_v his_o consent_n nor_o be_v the_o intercession_n of_o such_o person_n as_o i_o procure_v to_o move_v he_o in_o order_n to_o my_o end_n of_o any_o power_n at_o all_o to_o prevail_v the_o most_o that_o i_o can_v get_v at_o his_o hand_n be_v that_o when_o he_o shall_v be_v dead_a i_o may_v do_v what_o i_o list_v with_o myself_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o be_v in_o doubt_n of_o my_o own_o great_a weakness_n as_o fear_v that_o i_o may_v loose_v ground_n and_o fall_v back_o again_o and_o so_o i_o think_v it_o be_v not_o fit_a for_o i_o to_o content_v myself_o with_o the_o offer_n which_o he_o make_v and_o i_o procure_v therefore_o to_o obtain_v my_o end_n by_o another_o mean_n which_o i_o will_v now_o declare_v the_o four_o chapter_n wherein_o she_o relate_v how_o our_o lord_n assist_v she_o to_o force_v herself_o to_o take_v the_o habit_n of_o religion_n and_o of_o the_o many_o infirmity_n which_o he_o begin_v to_o bring_v upon_o she_o in_o these_o day_n whilst_o i_o be_v walk_v on_o with_o my_o hart_n in_o such_o determination_n or_o strong_a purpose_n as_o i_o have_v here_o describe_v i_o persuade_v one_o of_o my_o brother_n to_o become_v a_o religious_a man_n discourse_v to_o he_o upon_o the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n and_o so_o we_o both_o of_o we_o agree_v to_o go_v very_o early_o together_o one_o morning_n to_o the_o monastery_n where_o that_o friend_n of_o i_o remain_v who_o be_v she_o to_o who_o i_o carry_v so_o great_a affection_n though_o yet_o in_o this_o last_o firm_a purpose_n of_o i_o i_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v of_o such_o resolution_n that_o i_o will_v live_v wheresever_v i_o think_v i_o may_v serve_v god_n best_a or_o my_o father_n shall_v desire_v most_o that_o i_o may_v be_v for_o now_o i_o seek_v more_o earnest_o for_o the_o good_a of_o my_o soul_n and_o make_v no_o account_n at_o all_o of_o rest_n or_o ease_v and_o i_o remember_v to_o the_o very_a uttermost_a of_o what_o i_o be_o able_a to_o call_v to_o mind_n and_o according_a to_o the_o very_a rigour_n of_o truth_n that_o whilst_o i_o be_v go_v out_o of_o my_o father_n house_n i_o believe_v not_o that_o the_o sharpness_n of_o sense_n will_v be_v able_a to_o be_v great_a even_o in_o the_o very_a instant_n or_o agony_n of_o my_o death_n than_o it_o be_v then_o for_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o as_o if_o every_o bone_n which_o i_o have_v in_o my_o body_n have_v be_v disjoint_v from_o all_o the_o rest_n and_o there_o be_v no_o such_o love_n of_o god_n in_o i_o at_o that_o time_n as_o be_v able_a to_o quench_v that_o love_n which_o my_o hart_n carry_v to_o my_o father_n and_o friend_n all_o that_o which_o then_o i_o do_v be_v with_o so_o mighty_a a_o violence_n that_o if_o god_n have_v not_o give_v i_o great_a help_n i_o own_o consideration_n will_v never_o have_v beme_fw-mi able_a to_o carry_v i_o on_o but_o here_o he_o allow_v i_o such_o courage_n even_o against_o myself_o that_o i_o have_v power_n to_o put_v my_o purpose_n in_o execution_n at_o the_o instant_n of_o my_o take_v the_o habit_n our_o lord_n give_v i_o well_o to_o understand_v how_o high_o he_o favour_v they_o who_o offer_v themselves_o violence_n for_o the_o do_v he_o any_o service_n though_o yet_o no_o body_n have_v find_v by_o i_o but_o that_o i_o enter_v into_o the_o way_n of_o religious_a observance_n with_o much_o facility_n and_o good_a like_n but_o at_o that_o very_a instant_n i_o take_v so_o great_a contentment_n to_o put_v myself_o into_o that_o manner_n of_o life_n as_o have_v never_o fail_v i_o once_o till_o this_o very_a hour_n and_o god_n change_v that_o dryness_n wherein_o my_o soul_n have_v former_o be_v into_o a_o extreme_a tenderness_n and_o all_o the_o observance_n of_o religion_n give_v i_o great_a delight_n yea_o and_o it_o be_v a_o most_o certain_a truth_n that_o while_o i_o be_v sometime_o go_v up_o and_o down_o to_o sweep_v the_o house_n at_o such_o hour_n as_o before_o i_o have_v be_v wont_a to_o employ_v upon_o the_o gallanterie_n and_o regalo_n of_o my_o person_n and_o go_v consider_v that_o now_o i_o be_v free_a from_o that_o subjection_n it_o give_v i_o a_o particular_a joy_n and_o that_o so_o very_o great_a that_o it_o amaze_v i_o nor_o be_v it_o in_o my_o power_n to_o understand_v from_o whence_o the_o same_o shall_v come_v when_o i_o remember_v and_o consider_v this_o there_o can_v be_v nothing_o how_o grievous_a soever_o upon_o which_o if_o it_o be_v set_v before_o i_o i_o shall_v not_o have_v venture_v to_o attempt_v for_o i_o have_v already_o good_a experience_n of_o thing_n enough_o to_o assure_v i_o that_o since_o god_n do_v help_v i_o in_o the_o beginning_n to_o resolve_v to_o do_v such_o thing_n as_o these_o which_o be_v only_o do_v for_o the_o love_n of_o god_n he_o ordain_v for_o our_o great_a merit_n afterward_o that_o our_o soul_n shall_v be_v in_o some_o trouble_n and_o terror_n at_o the_o first_o and_o the_o great_a that_o trouble_n be_v the_o great_a and_o the_o more_o savoury_a also_o will_v the_o reward_n thereof_o fall_v out_o to_o be_v if_o we_o go_v through_o with_o the_o business_n his_o majesty_n will_v also_o be_v please_v to_o recompense_v they_o high_o well_o even_o in_o this_o life_n by_o such_o way_n as_o he_o only_o who_o enjoy_v they_o can_v understand_v this_o i_o say_v i_o have_v find_v true_a by_o experience_n in_o many_o particular_n of_o great_a moment_n and_o therefore_o if_o i_o be_v a_o person_n who_o may_v be_v wish_v to_o give_v my_o opinion_n i_o will_v never_o advise_v any_o creature_n that_o when_o any_o good_a inspiration_n do_v often_o move_v and_o set_v upon_o a_o soul_n it_o shall_v give_v it_o over_o for_o fear_n of_o not_o perform_v the_o work_n for_o if_o one_o go_v on_o mere_o and_o pure_o for_o the_o only_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n there_o must_v be_v no_o fear_n at_o all_o of_o good_a success_n since_o the_o same_o lord_n be_v powerful_a enough_o to_o prevail_v in_o all_o thing_n and_o let_v he_o be_v ever_o bless_v amen_n these_o favour_n which_o thou_o have_v hitherto_o bestow_v upon_o i_o out_o of_o thy_o own_o mere_a goodness_n and_o greatness_n may_v well_o have_v be_v sufficient_a o_o thou_o my_o sovereign_a good_a and_o repose_v of_o my_o soul_n to_o draw_v i_o towards_o thou_o by_o so_o many_o wind_n and_o turn_n to_o so_o safe_a a_o way_n of_o life_n and_o to_o a_o house_n where_o there_o be_v so_o many_o servant_n of_o thou_o of_o who_o i_o may_v learn_v to_o grow_v up_o in_o please_v thou_o but_o here_o i_o know_v not_o how_o i_o can_v pass_v on_o to_o think_v of_o any_o thing_n else_o when_o i_o consider_v the_o manner_n of_o my_o profession_n and_o the_o great_a resolution_n and_o gust_n wherewith_o i_o make_v it_o and_o the_o espousal_n which_o i_o perfect_v with_o thou_o for_o i_o can_v speak_v of_o this_o without_o tear_n which_o be_v to_o be_v even_o of_o blood_n and_o not_o without_o the_o break_n of_o my_o very_a hart_n which_o
i_o remain_v so_o alter_v yea_o and_o so_o astonish_v that_o i_o intend_v to_o see_v that_o person_n no_o more_o it_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o hurt_n that_o i_o know_v not_o at_o that_o time_n that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o one_o to_o see_v any_o thing_n but_o with_o the_o eye_n of_o the_o body_n and_o the_o devil_n be_v careful_a enough_o to_o continue_v i_o in_o that_o erroneous_a opinion_n and_o to_o make_v i_o still_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v impossible_a and_o therefore_o that_o i_o have_v but_o fancy_v certain_a thing_n to_o myself_o and_o that_o perhaps_o it_o may_v be_v a_o work_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o he_o bring_v many_o suggestion_n like_o this_o upon_o i_o though_o yet_o still_o i_o be_v very_o confident_o of_o opinion_n that_o it_o be_v god_n and_o no_o conceit_n or_o fancy_n at_o all_o but_o yet_o still_o because_o it_o induce_v i_o to_o do_v thing_n which_o be_v against_o my_o gust_n i_o do_v the_o best_a i_o can_v even_o to_o belie_v my_o very_a self_n and_o forasmuch_o as_o i_o dare_v not_o confer_v with_o any_o body_n about_o this_o particular_a and_o find_v myself_o also_o extreme_o importune_v afterward_o and_o be_v wish_v to_o be_v assure_v that_o it_o can_v not_o be_v ill_o do_v to_o see_v such_o a_o person_n as_o that_o and_o that_o there_o will_v be_v no_o loss_n of_o honour_n by_o it_o but_o rather_o gain_v i_o return_v to_o enjoy_v the_o same_o conversation_n yea_o and_o also_o at_o other_o time_n i_o converse_v in_o like_a manner_n with_o other_o for_o they_o be_v many_o year_n wherein_o i_o take_v this_o pestilential_a recreation_n and_o when_o once_o i_o be_v far_o embark_v therein_o it_o seem_v not_o to_o i_o to_o be_v so_o very_a ill_n as_o yet_o indeed_o it_o be_v though_o still_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o sometime_o i_o discern_v clear_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v not_o good_a but_o yet_o no_o other_o conversation_n distract_v i_o so_o much_o as_o this_o in_o particular_a do_v by_o reason_n of_o the_o great_a affection_n which_o i_o bear_v to_o the_o party_n but_o myself_o be_v afterward_o again_o with_o the_o same_o person_n we_o both_o of_o we_o see_v come_v towards_o we_o and_o there_o be_v other_o also_o present_a who_o see_v it_o too_o a_o certain_a thing_n which_o have_v the_o manner_n of_o a_o great_a toad_n and_o it_o press_v and_o pass_v on_o with_o very_o much_o more_o speed_n than_o such_o creature_n use_v to_o have_v for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o conceive_v how_o such_o a_o filthy_a beast_n as_o that_o shall_v get_v into_o that_o room_n through_o that_o part_n from_o whence_o it_o come_v and_o even_o as_o it_o be_v at_o noon_n day_n nor_o have_v ever_o any_o such_o thing_n be_v see_v there_o the_o effect_n which_o it_o wrought_v with_o i_o seem_v not_o to_o have_v be_v void_a of_o some_o mystery_n and_o this_o also_o be_v a_o thing_n which_o i_o can_v never_o forget_v but_o o_o greatness_n of_o almighty_a god_n with_o how_o much_o care_n &_o pity_n be_v thou_o admonish_v i_o in_o so_o many_o kind_n and_o by_o so_o many_o way_n &_o how_o little_a do_v i_o permit_v that_o all_o these_o warning_n shall_v help_v there_o be_v also_o there_o at_o that_o time_n a_o certain_a religious_a woman_n of_o my_o kindred_n and_o she_o be_v ancient_a and_o a_o great_a servant_n of_o god_n and_o of_o much_o discipline_n in_o her_o religious_a order_n she_o also_o will_v sometime_o be_v give_v i_o good_a counsel_n but_o i_o do_v not_o only_o not_o believe_v she_o but_o be_v also_o disgu_v with_o she_o as_o conceave_a that_o she_o will_v needs_o take_v scandal_n at_o i_o without_o cause_n and_o this_o i_o here_o relate_v to_o the_o end_n that_o both_o my_o wickedness_n and_o the_o great_a goodness_n of_o almighty_a god_n may_v be_v the_o better_o understand_v and_o that_o it_o may_v be_v know_v how_o well_o i_o deserve_a hell_n for_o my_o great_a ingratitude_n and_o i_o do_v it_o also_o to_o this_o end_n that_o if_o our_o lord_n may_v so_o ordain_v &_o be_v please_v that_o any_o religious_a woman_n may_v fall_v upon_o read_v this_o discourse_n they_o may_v be_v bring_v to_o be_v careful_a to_o take_v warning_n by_o i_o and_o i_o beg_v of_o they_o that_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n they_o will_v take_v heed_n of_o such_o recreation_n as_o these_o and_o i_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o some_o one_o of_o they_o may_v be_v disabused_n who_o i_o have_v deceive_v when_o i_o tell_v they_o that_o it_o be_v not_o ill_a and_o when_o be_v in_o such_o blindness_n at_o that_o time_n i_o procure_v to_o assure_v they_o that_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n at_o all_o and_o in_o regard_n also_o that_o by_o the_o ill_a example_n which_o i_o give_v give_v they_o as_o i_o have_v relate_v here_o i_o be_v a_o cause_n to_o they_o of_o great_a mischief_n while_o yet_o i_o think_v not_o that_o i_o do_v so_o much_o hurt_v and_o though_o also_o it_o be_v certain_a that_o i_o have_v no_o design_n at_o all_o to_o deceive_v they_o but_o now_o even_o while_o i_o be_v yet_o much_o indispose_v in_o the_o way_n of_o health_n both_o concern_v body_n and_o mind_n and_o so_o before_o i_o be_v able_a to_o help_v myself_o in_o either_o kind_n i_o grow_v into_o a_o extreme_a desire_n to_o do_v other_o good_a which_o be_v a_o very_a ordinary_a temptation_n for_o new_a beginner_n though_o yet_o it_o happen_v now_o to_o succeed_v well_o with_o i_o and_o consider_v how_o dear_o i_o love_v my_o father_n i_o wish_v he_o the_o self_n same_o benefit_n which_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o have_v get_v and_o gain_v by_o mean_n of_o mental_a prayer_n and_o esteem_v that_o in_o this_o life_n there_o be_v no_o great_a blessing_n then_o to_o obtain_v and_o enjoy_v that_o gift_n i_o begin_v by_o certain_a way_n of_o discourse_n to_o procure_v the_o best_a i_o can_v that_o he_o will_v endeavour_v to_o obtain_v it_o and_o i_o give_v he_o certain_a book_n for_o this_o purpose_n now_o he_o be_v a_o man_n of_o so_o much_o virtue_n as_o i_o have_v already_o 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i_o a_o very_a great_a deal_n of_o harrass_v &_o weariness_n to_o myself_o just_a so_o as_o if_o some_o ordinary_a person_n have_v be_v fight_v with_o some_o strong_a giant_n &_o afterward_o i_o shall_v find_v myself_o very_o weary_a but_o at_o other_o time_n it_o be_v altogether_o impossible_a for_o i_o to_o hinder_v it_o for_o my_o soul_n will_v be_v carry_v absolute_o away_o and_o ordinary_o even_o my_o head_n as_o it_o be_v after_o it_o yea_o &_o this_o sometime_o so_o far_o as_o that_o my_o whole_a body_n will_v be_v transport_v so_o as_o to_o be_v raised-up_a from_o the_o ground_n this_o last_o have_v happen_v rare_o to_o i_o but_o once_o it_o be_v upon_o the_o very_a point_n to_o arrive_v whilst_o we_o all_o be_v assemble_v together_o in_o the_o choir_n and_o i_o be_v then_o upon_o my_o knee_n as_o at_o the_o point_n of_o go_v to_o receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n it_o put_v i_o to_o a_o extremity_n of_o trouble_n because_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v a_o very_a extraordinary_a 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that_o there_o be_v a_o superior_a and_o that_o these_o favour_n come_v from_o he_o and_o that_o of_o ourselves_o we_o can_v do_v nothing_o in_o nothing_o and_o so_o a_o great_a impression_n of_o humility_n be_v make_v upon_o the_o soul_n by_o this_o mean_n and_o further_o i_o confess_v that_o it_o breed_v also_o a_o great_a fear_n in_o i_o and_o at_o the_o first_o a_o extreme_a great_a one_o to_o see_v that_o a_o massy_a body_n shall_v be_v taken-up_a from_o the_o earth_n for_o though_o the_o spirit_n be_v that_o which_o draw_v it_o after_o it_o and_o though_o it_o be_v with_o great_a suavitie_n and_o delight_n if_o it_o be_v not_o resist_v yet_o our_o sense_n be_v not_o lose_v thereby_o at_o least_o i_o for_o my_o part_n be_v so_o perfect_o in_o my_o sense_n that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o understand_v that_o i_o be_v raise_v there_o do_v also_o hereby_o appear_v so_o great_a a_o majesty_n in_o he_o who_o can_v do_v this_o that_o it_o make_v even_o the_o very_a hair_n of_o the_o head_n 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hereafter_o of_o those_o great_a impetuosity_n which_o they_o use_v to_o bring_v upon_o i_o before_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o those_o rapt_n yet_o they_o have_v in_o my_o opinion_n no_o more_o to_o do_v by_o way_n of_o comparison_n one_o with_o another_o than_o there_o be_v between_o thing_n corporal_a and_o spiritual_a and_o i_o believe_v that_o i_o do_v not_o exaggerate_v the_o matter_n a_o whitt_n by_o say_v so_o because_o that_o pain_n seem_v to_o be_v such_o as_o that_o although_o the_o soul_n do_v feel_v it_o yet_o it_o feel_v it_o
choose_v for_o the_o help_a of_o other_o though_o yet_o still_o it_o must_v be_v consider_v that_o this_o strength_n proceed_v not_o from_o themselves_o but_o when_o once_o our_o bless_a lord_n bring_v a_o soul_n so_o near_o himself_o as_o i_o have_v show_v he_o go_v by_o little_a and_o little_a communicate_v very_o great_a secret_n to_o she_o and_o here_o come_v the_o true_a revelation_n in_o this_o kind_n of_o extasis_fw-la and_o other_o great_a favour_n and_o vision_n and_o all_o these_o thing_n serve_v to_o make_v this_o soul_n both_o more_o humble_a and_o more_o strong_a and_o to_o give_v her_o grace_n to_o hold_v all_o kind_n of_o worldly_a thing_n in_o no_o account_n as_o also_o to_o know_v more_o clear_o the_o greatness_n of_o that_o reward_n which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v provide_v for_o such_o as_o serve_v he_o i_o humble_o befeech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o the_o excessive_a bounty_n which_o he_o have_v vouchsafe_v to_o show_v towards_o this_o miserable_a 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purgative_n way_n and_o after_o that_o through_o the_o illuminative_a they_o advise_v in_o particular_a manner_n that_o man_n shall_v separate_v and_o abstract_n themselves_o from_o all_o kind_n of_o imagination_n or_o reflection_n upon_o corporeal_a thing_n and_o that_o so_o they_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o approach_v and_o reach_v the_o contemplation_n of_o the_o divinity_n for_o they_o say_v that_o although_o it_o be_v even_o the_o very_a humanity_n itself_o of_o christ_n our_o lord_n yet_o be_v it_o of_o some_o impediment_n to_o such_o as_o proceed_v thus_o far_o yea_o and_o that_o it_o hinder_v man_n from_o the_o most_o perfect_a kind_n of_o contemplation_n for_o the_o make_v this_o opinion_n true_a good_a they_o allege_v that_o which_o our_o lord_n say_v to_o his_o apostle_n when_o himself_o be_v ascending-up_a to_o heaven_n of_o the_o come_n of_o the_o holie-ghost_n down_o upon_o they_o which_o will_v not_o be_v accomplish_v till_o himself_o be_v retire_v out_o of_o their_o sight_n but_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_o apt_a to_o conceive_v that_o if_o they_o have_v then_o have_v that_o livelie_a faith_n of_o our_o lord_n be_v be_v both_o god_n and_o man_n which_o they_o have_v after_o the_o come_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n his_o corporal_a presence_n will_v have_v do_v they_o no_o hurt_n at_o all_o for_o he_o hold_v no_o such_o discourse_n to_o his_o bless_a mother_n though_o she_o love_v he_o much_o more_o than_o they_o all_o but_o these_o man_n use_v to_o allege_v this_o passage_n or_o place_n of_o scripture_n because_o it_o seem_v to_o they_o in_o regard_n that_o all_o this_o action_n of_o prayer_n be_v a_o work_n of_o spirit_n that_o every_o corporeal_a object_n will_v be_v able_a to_o divert_v and_o hinder_v it_o and_o that_o forsooth_o they_o must_v consider_v themselves_o after_o a_o manner_n which_o be_v total_o independent_a upon_o creature_n and_o that_o god_n be_v alike_o near_o they_o on_o all_o side_n and_o so_o to_o see_v themselves_o ingulf_v 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now_o i_o return_v most_o humble_o to_o beseech_v your_o reverence_n that_o if_o you_o mean_v to_o impart_v these_o thing_n which_o i_o have_v write_v concern_v my_o prayer_n they_o may_v be_v very_o spiritual_a person_n to_o who_o you_o do_v it_o for_o if_o they_o understand_v no_o more_o than_o some_o one_o way_n or_o if_o they_o have_v remain_v in_o the_o half_a way_n they_o will_v never_o be_v so_o well_o able_a to_o hit_v right_a now_o there_o be_v some_o who_o almighty_a god_n carry_v instant_o by_o a_o very_a sublime_a kind_n of_o address_n and_o they_o perhaps_o will_v conceive_v that_o other_o may_v also_o profit_v there_o and_o may_v quiet_v and_o calm_v the_o understanding_n and_o not_o serve_v themselves_o at_o all_o of_o the_o mean_n of_o any_o corporeal_a object_n but_o yet_o these_o creature_n with_o all_o this_o shall_v come_v in_o fine_a to_o remain_v as_o dry_v as_o a_o stick_n and_o some_o who_o have_v grow_v to_o enjoy_v a_o little_a quiet_a grow_v also_o to_o 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myself_o more_o to_o prayer_n our_o lord_n begin_v also_o to_o do_v i_o favour_n as_o one_o who_o in_o all_o appearance_n desire_v but_o that_o i_o will_v be_v content_a to_o receive_v they_o his_o divine_a majesty_n do_v therefore_o then_o very_o ordinary_o give_v i_o the_o prayer_n of_o quiet_a and_o many_o time_n that_o also_o of_o union_n which_o last_v very_o long_o fit_v of_o time_n but_o now_o when_o i_o understand_v that_o there_o have_v occur_v great_a illusion_n of_o certain_a woman_n and_o deceit_n which_o the_o devil_n put_v upon_o they_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v afraid_a as_o consider_v the_o delight_n and_o sweetness_n
lay_v upon_o i_o and_o sometime_o he_o tire_v i_o outright_o with_o ask_v i_o question_n on_o the_o one_o side_n and_o make_v i_o some_o reproof_n on_o the_o other_o and_o i_o have_v need_n of_o no_o less_o than_o all_o this_o so_o double_a and_o so_o weak_a a_o will_v i_o have_v he_o tell_v i_o once_o that_o it_o be_v not_o to_o obey_v if_o withal_o i_o be_v not_o resolve_v to_o suffer_v and_o that_o i_o be_v to_o cast_v my_o eye_n upon_o what_o he_o have_v be_v content_a toendure_n for_o i_o and_o that_o so_o the_o hard_a thing_n will_v become_v easy_a another_o ghostly_a father_n of_o i_o to_o who_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o confess_v myself_o in_o the_o beginning_n give_v i_o once_o this_o advice_n that_o since_o it_o have_v be_v find_v by_o trial_n that_o the_o spirit_n be_v good_a i_o shall_v now_o carry_v thing_n in_o absolute_a silence_n and_o not_o give_v notice_n thereof_o to_o any_o creature_n for_o that_o it_o be_v better_a to_o wrap-up_a these_o kind_n of_o thing_n in_o that_o manner_n as_o for_o i_o i_o mislike_v not_o this_o for_o whensoever_o i_o be_v to_o declare_v they_o to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n i_o grow_v to_o be_v so_o much_o trouble_v and_o conceive_v myself_o to_o be_v so_o much_o affront_v by_o it_o that_o i_o have_v much_o less_o difficulty_n to_o confess_v my_o great_a sin_n and_o especial_o if_o i_o be_v to_o declare_v those_o high_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n vouchsafe_v to_o impart_v i_o think_v they_o be_v not_o likely_a to_o believe_v it_o but_o to_o make_v a_o jest_n and_o scorn_v of_o i_o but_o indeed_o i_o be_v chief_o trouble_v so_o much_o at_o it_o because_o it_o seem_v to_o amount_v to_o a_o kind_n of_o irreverence_n towards_o the_o wonder_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o for_o this_o reason_n i_o will_v have_v be_v glad_a to_o conceal_v they_o but_o i_o quick_o come_v to_o understand_v how_o that_o ghostly_a father_n have_v give_v i_o indeed_o very_o ill_a advice_n and_o that_o i_o be_v by_o no_o mean_n to_o conceal_v any_o 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other_o who_o shall_v be_v of_o a_o different_a opinion_n our_o bless_a lord_n give_v i_o grace_n that_o i_o may_v never_o fail_v in_o fulfil_v his_o holy_a will_n amen_n the_o seven_o and_o twenty_o chapter_n she_o treat_v of_o another_o way_n how_o our_o lord_n instruct_v a_o soul_n and_o give_v she_o to_o understand_v his_o will_n after_o a_o very_a admirable_a manner_n without_o any_o speech_n at_o all_o she_o also_o declare_v a_o certain_a vision_n and_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n show_v she_o and_o this_o vision_n be_v not_o imaginary_a this_o chapter_n be_v very_o much_o to_o be_v note_v but_o now_o return_v to_o the_o discourse_n or_o historical_a part_n of_o my_o life_n i_o remain_v with_o much_o affliction_n and_o trouble_v but_o it_o be_v accompany_v with_o many_o prayer_n as_o i_o be_v say_v which_o be_v make_v to_o our_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o conduct_v my_o soul_n by_o some_o other_o way_n which_o may_v be_v more_o secure_a since_o they_o tell_v i_o that_o the_o former_a be_v to_o be_v suspect_v yet_o true_a it_o be_v that_o howsoever_o i_o beg_v it_o much_o of_o almighty_a god_n yet_o consider_v how_o evident_o my_o soul_n be_v improve_v by_o the_o course_n which_o i_o hold_v before_o i_o can_v never_o find_v it_o in_o my_o power_n to_o desire_v it_o hearty_o and_o home_n though_o yet_o still_o i_o do_v it_o in_o some_o sort_n unless_o it_o be_v sometime_o when_o i_o be_v even_o distress_v and_o all_o tire_a out_o by_o the_o thing_n which_o they_o say_v to_o i_o and_o by_o the_o fright_n into_o which_o they_o put_v i_o for_o now_o i_o be_v whole_o grow_v to_o be_v another_o creature_n and_o therefore_o i_o can_v not_o cordial_o desire_v it_o only_o i_o put_v myself_o into_o the_o hand_n of_o almighty_a god_n beseech_v he_o that_o since_o he_o know_v what_o be_v fit_a for_o i_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o accomplish_v his_o holy_a will_n in_o all_o thing_n concern_v i_o but_o now_o i_o see_v plain_o that_o by_o this_o way_n of_o i_o which_o they_o suspect_v my_o soul_n be_v even_o carrying-up_a to_o heaven_n which_o former_o be_v drop_v down_o to_o hell_n and_o why_o therefore_o shall_v i_o desire_v that_o this_o course_n may_v be_v change_v for_o as_o for_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v of_o the_o devil_n it_o be_v not_o in_o my_o power_n even_o to_o constrain_v myself_o to_o it_o though_o yet_o i_o do_v what_o i_o can_v to_o desire_v that_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o believe_v it_o but_o it_o be_v not_o as_o i_o say_v in_o my_o power_n i_o offer_v to_o
lord_n with_o such_o a_o abundance_n of_o mercy_n have_v not_o dispatch_v all_o that_o business_n alone_o for_o till_o he_o out_o of_o his_o own_o goodness_n do_v so_o your_o reverence_n will_v already_o have_v see_v that_o on_o my_o part_n there_o be_v nothing_o at_o all_o but_o only_o rise_v and_o fall_v over_o and_o over_o i_o will_v fain_o express_v this_o point_n home_n for_o i_o believe_v that_o many_o soul_n grow_v to_o be_v abuse_v and_o deceive_v because_o they_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o fly_v before_o almighty_a god_n give_v they_o wing_n i_o conceive_v that_o i_o have_v former_o use_v this_o comparison_n but_o it_o come_v also_o very_a well_o in_o here_o for_o i_o find_v that_o many_o soul_n be_v much_o afflict_v upon_o this_o occasion_n as_o namely_o when_o they_o begin_v with_o great_a desire_n and_o resolution_n to_o go_v forward_o in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n and_o some_o do_v even_o give-ove_a all_o for_o love_v thereof_o forasmuch_o as_o concern_v exterior_a thing_n and_o yet_o see_v more_o advantageous_a effect_n and_o fruit_n of_o such_o virtue_n as_o our_o lord_n have_v infuse_v into_o the_o soul_n of_o other_o who_o be_v more_o proficient_a then_o into_o they_o and_o that_o they_o can_v perform_v certain_a thing_n which_o be_v set_v down_o in_o those_o book_n which_o be_v write_v of_o prayer_n and_o contemplation_n which_o man_n be_v advise_v to_o use_v so_o to_o make_v themselves_o ascend_v up_o the_o better_a and_o the_o high_a to_o this_o dignity_n and_o in_o fine_a when_o they_o can_v instant_o obtain_v these_o thing_n they_o discomfort_n and_o afflict_v themselves_o as_o for_o example_n not_o to_o care_v a_o straw_n if_o any_o body_n shall_v speak_v ill_a of_o we_o but_o rather_o to_o take_v more_o contentment_n in_o it_o then_o when_o they_o praise_v we_o to_o have_v very_o little_a esteem_n of_o our_o honour_n to_o be_v perfect_o untie_v from_o the_o care_n of_o kindred_n and_o friend_n and_o not_o to_o desire_v to_o converse_v with_o they_o but_o rather_o to_o be_v weary_a of_o their_o company_n unless_o they_o be_v person_n of_o prayer_n and_o many_o other_o thing_n of_o this_o kind_n which_o must_v in_o my_o opinion_n come_v from_o the_o gift_n of_o almighty_a god_n because_o i_o hold_v they_o for_o supernatural_a blessing_n and_o very_o contrary_a to_o our_o own_o natural_a inclination_n and_o therefore_o let_v they_o not_o be_v afflict_v but_o put_v their_o trust_n in_o our_o lord_n that_o so_o what_o now_o they_o have_v in_o desire_n his_o divine_a majesty_n may_v be_v please_v to_o give_v they_o afterward_o with_o effect_n and_o fruit_n by_o mean_n of_o prayer_n and_o by_o their_o do_v on_o their_o part_n what_o they_o can_v for_o it_o be_v a_o most_o necessary_a thing_n for_o this_o weak_a and_o poor_a nature_n of_o we_o to_o place_v a_o great_a confidence_n in_o our_o b._n lord_n &_o not_o to_o put_v ourselves_o out_o of_o hart_n nor_o to_o think_v but_o that_o if_o we_o will_v proceed_v with_o courage_n we_o shall_v be_v victorious_a and_o because_o i_o have_v much_o experience_n hereof_o i_o will_v speak_v a_o word_n or_o two_o by_o way_n of_o advice_n to_o your_o reverence_n for_o you_o must_v not_o think_v though_o it_o may_v appear_v as_o if_o it_o be_v true_a that_o any_o virtue_n be_v already_o gain_v unless_o it_o be_v first_o compare_v and_o experiment_v by_o the_o vice_n which_o be_v contrary_a to_o it_o and_o we_o must_v always_o remain_v doubtful_a and_o suspicious_a and_o not_o cast_v off_o our_o care_n as_o long_o as_o we_o be_v the_o owner_n of_o our_o life_n for_o our_o weakness_n stick_v close_o and_o fast_o to_o we_o unless_o as_o i_o be_v say_v before_o the_o whole_a benefit_n be_v impart_v to_o we_o by_o divine_a grace_n to_o the_o end_n that_o we_o may_v know_v what_o all_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n be_v worth_a and_o that_o there_o be_v never_o any_o such_o thing_n as_o can_v be_v term_v all_o but_o in_o company_n of_o many_o danger_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o some_o few_o year_n ago_o that_o not_o only_o i_o be_v not_o inordinate_o tie_v to_o the_o love_n of_o any_o of_o my_o kindred_n but_o rather_o that_o i_o be_v weary_a of_o they_o and_o it_o be_v real_o very_o true_a that_o there_o be_v time_n when_o i_o will_v not_o so_o much_o as_o endure_v their_o conversation_n but_o yet_o afterward_o there_o occur_v a_o certain_a business_n of_o much_o importance_n which_o oblige_v i_o to_o remain_v with_o a_o certain_a sister_n of_o i_o who_o former_o i_o have_v love_v with_o very_o extraordinary_a affection_n and_o now_o be_v come_v again_o to_o converse_v with_o she_o we_o suit_v not_o so_o very_o well_o with_o one_o another_o for_o though_o she_o be_v better_a than_o i_o yet_o be_v of_o a_o different_a condition_n from_o i_o in_o regard_n that_o she_o be_v marry_v the_o conversation_n be_v not_o always_o that_o which_o i_o can_v have_v wish_v and_o therefore_o i_o like_v to_o be_v alone_o as_o much_o as_o convenient_o i_o may_v but_o yet_o after_o a_o while_n i_o find_v that_o her_o trouble_n and_o affair_n bring_v i_o more_o resentment_n and_o care_n by_o much_o than_o such_o other_o do_v as_o belong_v to_o any_o christian_a neighbour_n of_o i_o at_o large_a and_o this_o give_v i_o some_o little_a disgust_n against_o myself_o for_o so_o in_o fine_a i_o come_v to_o know_v that_o i_o be_v not_o so_o very_o free_a and_o untie_v as_o i_o have_v former_o conceive_v and_o that_o moreover_o i_o be_v to_o have_v avoid_v the_o occasion_n to_o the_o end_n that_o so_o this_o virtue_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v begin_v to_o give_v i_o may_v have_v get_v strength_n and_o i_o have_v procure_v through_o his_o favour_n to_o proceed_v in_o this_o manner_n ever_o since_o when_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o impart_v a_o virtue_n to_o a_o soul_n it_o be_v to_o be_v hold_v in_o great_a account_n and_o by_o no_o mean_n be_v we_o to_o expose_v it_o to_o the_o danger_n of_o be_v lose_v so_o be_v it_o in_o those_o thing_n which_o concern_v reputation_n and_o honour_n and_o so_o also_o in_o other_o and_o your_o reverence_n may_v well_o believe_v that_o not_o all_o they_o and_o we_o who_o esteem_v ourselves_o to_o be_v absolute_o untie_v from_o all_o thing_n be_v yet_o so_o indeed_o and_o we_o have_v need_n enough_o not_o to_o be_v slack_a or_o negligent_a herein_o for_o whatsoever_o person_n there_o be_v who_o feel_v any_o care_n at_o all_o of_o any_o one_o point_n of_o honour_n in_o himself_o let_v he_o believe_v i_o if_o he_o mean_v to_o profit_v in_o spirit_n that_o there_o be_v ever_o a_o certain_a tie_n at_o the_o end_n of_o it_o and_o it_o be_v by_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o chain_n as_o that_o there_o be_v no_o file_n in_o the_o world_n but_o god_n and_o prayer_n and_o very_o much_o endeavour_v on_o our_o part_n which_o will_v possible_o be_v able_a to_o divide_v it_o &_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v so_o fast_o a_o knot_n that_o i_o be_o amaze_v to_o see_v the_o mischief_n which_o it_o bring_v sometime_o i_o see_v certain_a person_n who_o seem_v to_o be_v even_a saint_n by_o their_o work_n for_o they_o do_v so_o very_a many_o and_o so_o great_a one_o that_o the_o world_n do_v even_o admire_v they_o and_o exclaim_v after_o this_o manner_n dear_a god_n and_o how_o come_v it_o to_o pass_v that_o such_o a_o soul_n as_o that_o do_v still_o inhabit_v the_o earth_n be_v he_o not_o already_o at_o the_o very_a top_n of_o perfection_n what_o be_v this_o and_o what_o can_v detain_v such_o a_o man_n from_o be_v a_o direct_a and_o downright_a saint_n who_o do_v so_o great_a thing_n for_o god_n but_o my_o answer_n to_o this_o question_n be_v that_o this_o man_n have_v yet_o perhaps_o some_o little_a consideration_n &_o care_n of_o preserve_v some_o point_n of_o honour_n for_o himself_o yea_o and_o the_o worst_a of_o this_o business_n be_v that_o he_o will_v by_o no_o mean_n believe_v that_o in_o very_a deed_n there_o be_v any_o such_o thing_n and_o that_o happen_v because_o sometime_o the_o devil_n make_v he_o conceive_v that_o he_o be_v even_o oblige_v to_o have_v a_o great_a care_n of_o it_o well_o yet_o let_v they_o harken_v to_o i_o i_o beseech_v they_o and_o together_o even_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n i_o beg_v of_o they_o that_o they_o will_v believe_v this_o poor_a little_a miserable_a ant_n who_o our_o lord_n command_v to_o speak_v that_o unless_o they_o free_v themselves_o from_o this_o caterpillar_n though_o perhaps_o it_o may_v not_o destroy_v the_o whole_a tree_n because_o some_o other_o virtue_n do_v still_o peradventure_o remain_v yet_o even_o all_o those_o very_a virtue_n will_v be_v worm-eaten_a nor_o will_v it_o ever_o be_v a_o beautiful_a
may_v not_o happen_v to_o i_o as_o it_o do_v to_o lucifer_n who_o lose_v all_o by_o his_o own_o fault_n do_v not_o permit_v this_o o_o my_o lord_n i_o humble_o pray_v thou_o even_o by_o all_o that_o which_o thou_o be_v for_o it_o be_v no_o small_a fear_n which_o i_o have_v sometime_o though_o yet_o at_o other_o time_n yea_o and_o usual_o the_o mercy_n of_o almighty_a god_n give_v i_o a_o very_a confident_a hope_n that_o since_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o draw_v i_o out_o of_o so_o many_o sin_n he_o will_v not_o forsake_v i_o so_o now_o as_o to_o let_v i_o be_v lose_v and_o this_o do_v i_o humble_o pray_v your_o reverence_n that_o you_o will_v ever_o desire_v in_o my_o behalf_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o think_v that_o those_o precedent_a favour_n be_v not_o so_o very_o great_a as_o this_o which_o i_o will_v now_o apply_v myself_o to_o relate_v and_o that_o for_o many_o reason_n &_o many_o blessing_n also_o and_o in_o particular_a for_o that_o great_a courage_n &_o strength_n which_o have_v still_o remain_v in_o i_o upon_o that_o account_n and_o therefore_o if_o those_o former_a may_v be_v consider_v every_o one_o by_o itself_o this_o other_o which_o i_o be_o go_v to_o relate_v will_v be_v find_v to_o be_v so_o very_o great_a as_o that_o there_o will_v be_v no_o comparison_n at_o all_o between_o they_o i_o be_v one_o day_n and_o the_o same_o fall_v out_o to_o be_v upon_o the_o vigil_n of_o pentecost_n or_o whitsuntide_n after_o mass_n and_o i_o go_v to_o a_o more_o remote_a place_n where_o i_o often_o use_v to_o pray_v and_o i_o begin_v to_o read_v in_o a_o certain_a book_n of_o this_o feast_n which_o have_v be_v write_v by_o a_o carthusian_n and_o meet_v there_o with_o those_o sign_n which_o both_o beginner_n and_o proficient_n and_o perfect_a soul_n use_v to_o have_v and_o how_o they_o may_v come_v to_o understand_v whether_o the_o holie-ghost_n do_v inhabit_v their_o heart_n or_o no_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o have_v read_v these_o three_o state_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o almighty_a god_n through_o his_o goodness_n do_v not_o leave_v or_o fail_v to_o be_v present_a with_o i_o after_o a_o particular_a manner_n for_o as_o much_o as_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o understand_v and_o whilst_o i_o be_v praise_v his_o divine_a majesty_n for_o that_o blessing_n i_o remember_v that_o i_o have_v read_v the_o same_o thing_n former_o when_o i_o want_v very_o much_o of_o that_o condition_n of_o mind_n and_o then_o i_o see_v that_o i_o want_v it_o as_o plain_o as_o now_o i_o understand_v the_o direct_a contrary_n concern_v myself_o but_o thus_o i_o come_v to_o know_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v do_v i_o and_o from_o thence_o i_o grow_v also_o to_o consider_v the_o place_n which_o my_o soul_n have_v deserve_v in_o hell_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o i_o give_v great_a praise_n to_o almighty_a god_n in_o regard_n that_o now_o i_o think_v my_o soul_n be_v so_o extreme_o change_v that_o i_o can_v hardly_o almost_o conceive_v it_o to_o be_v the_o very_a selfsame_a thing_n which_o it_o have_v be_v before_o be_v then_o in_o this_o consideration_n there_o come_v a_o great_a impulse_n or_o impetuositie_n upon_o i_o without_o my_o be_v able_a to_o understand_v the_o occasion_n thereof_o i_o think_v my_o very_a soul_n have_v a_o mind_n to_o get_v instant_o out_o of_o my_o body_n for_o now_o she_o can_v not_o possible_o contain_v herself_o any_o long_o nor_o find_v she_o herself_o at_o that_o time_n to_o be_v able_a to_o stay_v any_o long_o here_o in_o the_o painful_a expectation_n of_o so_o great_a a_o good_n now_o this_o be_v so_o excessive_a a_o impulse_n or_o impetuositie_n that_o i_o can_v not_o possible_o tell_v even_o what_o to_o do_v with_o myself_o nor_o so_o much_o as_o what_o i_o ail_v so_o extreme_o be_v i_o grow_v to_o be_v in_o disorder_n and_o though_o i_o be_v sit_v then_o yet_o be_v i_o not_o able_a even_o to_o sit_v and_o so_o i_o apply_v myself_o a_o little_a to_o lean_v for_o i_o find_v that_o all_o my_o natural_a force_n begin_v to_o fail_v i_o but_o perceave_v myself_o to_o be_v in_o this_o case_n i_o see_v a_o dove_n upon_o my_o own_o head_n but_o such_o a_o dove_n as_o be_v very_o different_a from_o they_o of_o this_o world_n for_o she_o have_v not_o of_o our_o kind_n of_o feather_n but_o the_o wing_n be_v as_o of_o certain_a little_a shell_n which_o dar_v a_o huge_a splendour_n from_o themselves_o this_o dove_n be_v much_o great_a than_o any_o ordinary_a dove_n and_o i_o thought_n i_o hear_v a_o noise_n which_o she_o make_v with_o her_o wing_n for_o she_o be_v flutter_v about_o the_o space_n of_o a_o aut_fw-la maria._n but_o my_o soul_n be_v already_o in_o such_o condition_n that_o grow_v to_o loose_v herself_o she_o also_o lose_v the_o sight_n of_o the_o dove_n my_o spirit_n do_v then_o begin_v to_o quiet_v itself_o upon_o the_o entertain_n of_o such_o a_o guest_n as_o she_o have_v get_v though_o yet_o for_o my_o part_n i_o imagine_v that_o so_o wondrous_a a_o encounter_n and_o accident_n as_o that_o be_v may_v well_o have_v disquiet_v and_o fright_v it_o but_o she_o begin_v already_o to_o enjoy_v lay_v quick_o all_o fear_n aside_o and_o together_o with_o the_o self_n same_o joy_n grow_v to_o have_v quietness_n withal_o but_o yet_o still_o remain_v in_o the_o rapt_v now_o the_o glory_n of_o this_o rapt_v be_v extreme_o great_a and_o i_o remain_v during_o the_o most_o part_n of_o the_o whole_a festivitie_n of_o pentecost_n so_o stun_v and_o even_o as_o it_o be_v besort_a and_o befool_v that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o dot_v with_o myself_o nor_o be_v i_o able_a by_o any_o mean_n to_o understand_v how_o so_o high_a and_o great_a a_o favour_n as_o this_o be_v can_v possible_o find_v a_o rest_a place_n in_o i_o i_o neither_o hear_v nor_o see_v in_o effect_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o great_a excess_n of_o my_o interior_a joy_n i_o understand_v how_o from_o that_o day_n forward_o my_o soul_n remain_v with_o a_o very_a great_a increase_n of_o improvement_n by_o enjoy_v a_o more_o sublime_a love_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o that_o my_o virtue_n also_o have_v gain_v a_o great_a increase_n of_o strength_n now_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v and_o praise_v for_o all_o eternity_n amen_n i_o see_v also_o at_o another_o time_n the_o same_o dove_n upon_o the_o head_n of_o a_o certain_a father_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n save_o that_o i_o think_v both_o the_o beam_n and_o the_o brightness_n of_o the_o very_a wing_n do_v spread_v and_o extend_v themselves_o much_o further_o and_o it_o be_v give_v i_o then_o to_o understand_v that_o he_o be_v to_o win_v soul_n to_o god_n another_o time_n i_o see_v our_o bless_a lady_n put_v a_o white_a long_a garment_n upon_o the_o back_n of_o a_o certain_a graduate_n of_o the_o same_o order_n of_o who_o i_o have_v speak_v former_o diverse_a time_n and_o she_o tell_v i_o that_o she_o have_v give_v he_o that_o mantle_n for_o have_v assist_v in_o the_o business_n of_o this_o house_n and_o that_o his_o soul_n shall_v be_v defend_v and_o preserve_v for_o the_o future_a in_o such_o purity_n as_o that_o he_o shall_v not_o fall_v into_o mortal_a sinne._n and_o i_o assure_v myself_o it_o prove_v so_o for_o he_o die_v within_o few_o year_n after_o yea_o and_o he_o do_v both_o line_n and_o die_v with_o so_o great_a per_n nance_n and_o sanctity_n that_o there_o can_v be_v no_o doubt_n thereof_o for_o any_o thing_n that_o we_o be_v able_a to_o understand_v and_o a_o certain_a religious_a man_n who_o have_v be_v at_o his_o death_n tell_v i_o that_o s._n thomas_n of_o aquin_n have_v be_v with_o he_o and_o that_o he_o die_v both_o with_o great_a joy_n and_o with_o desire_n also_o to_o be_v deliver_v from_o this_o bannishment_n wherein_o he_o be_v since_o that_o time_n he_o have_v appear_v to_o i_o in_o very_a much_o glory_n and_o tell_v i_o diverse_a thing_n he_o be_v a_o man_n of_o so_o great_a prayer_n that_o when_o a_o little_a before_o he_o die_v he_o will_v glad_o have_v forbear_v the_o exercise_n thereof_o through_o his_o great_a weakness_n he_o be_v not_o able_a to_o do_v it_o for_o even_o then_o he_o have_v many_o rapt_n he_o write_v to_o i_o a_o little_a before_o he_o die_v about_o what_o course_n i_o think_v he_o be_v best_a to_o take_v for_o help_v because_o ever_o as_o soon_o as_o he_o have_v do_v mass_n he_o use_v to_o fall_v into_o rapt_n which_o will_v last_v long_o without_o his_o be_v able_a to_o forbear_v they_o but_o our_o lord_n give_v he_o at_o length_n the_o reward_n of_o the_o great_a service_n he_o have_v do_v he_o during_o his_o whole_a life_n of_o
with_o a_o great_a cloud_n and_o so_o to_o become_v very_o dark_a and_o that_o so_o though_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v ever_o present_a with_o we_o yea_o so_o very_o present_a as_o that_o he_o give_v we_o our_o very_a be_v thereby_o yet_o then_o he_o be_v not_o so_o represent_v as_o to_o be_v see_v by_o we_o and_o that_o when_o the_o case_n concern_v heretic_n the_o lookingglass_n be_v direct_o break_v which_o be_v far_o worse_a then_o to_o be_v obscure_v but_o now_o there_o be_v a_o very_a great_a deal_n of_o difference_n between_o my_o see_v it_o and_o my_o relate_v it_o for_o it_o be_v no_o easy_a thing_n to_o give_v it_o well_o to_o be_v understand_v yet_o this_o have_v do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a and_o have_v affect_v i_o with_o much_o pity_n and_o grief_n for_o those_o time_n wherein_o myself_o do_v obscure_v my_o soul_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o behold_v and_o see_v this_o bless_a lord_n of_o i_o it_o seem_v also_o to_o i_o that_o this_o kind_n of_o vision_n be_v very_o useful_a to_o person_n who_o be_v of_o much_o recollection_n to_o teach_v they_o a_o way_n of_o think_v of_o our_o bless_a lord_n as_o in_o the_o most_o interior_a part_n of_o their_o soul_n which_o be_v a_o consideration_n that_o will_v stick_v close_a to_o then_o and_o will_v be_v of_o much_o more_o benefit_n then_o if_o they_o be_v consider_v as_o any_o way_n our_o of_o the_o soul_n according_a to_o what_o i_o have_v say_v else_o where_o and_o it_o be_v contain_v also_o in_o some_o book_n which_o be_v write_v of_o prayer_n about_o the_o way_n how_o we_o be_v to_o seek_v almighty_a god_n in_o particular_a the_o glorious_a s._n augustin_n speak_v much_o of_o how_o almighty_a god_n be_v not_o to_o be_v seek_v either_o in_o pleasure_n or_o external_a place_n and_o that_o he_o can_v be_v no_o way_n find_v so_o well_o as_o in_o ourselves_o and_o this_o be_v certain_o the_o best_a way_n nor_o have_v we_o need_v to_o go_v further_o off_o then_o to_o our_o very_a self_n and_o much_o less_o to_o clime-up_a as_o high_a as_o heaven_n for_o this_o purpose_n for_o this_o will_v but_o distract_v the_o soul_n and_o weary_a the_o spirit_n and_o do_v we_o nothing_o near_o so_o much_o good_a i_o will_v also_o give_v a_o advertisement_n here_o to_o the_o end_n that_o if_o any_o body_n have_v any_o such_o thing_n as_o that_o he_o may_v know_v the_o better_a how_o to_o carry_v himself_o it_o happen_v in_o some_o very_a great_a rapt_n when_o the_o time_n be_v past_a wherein_o the_o soul_n remain_v in_o union_n and_o when_o all_o the_o faculty_n and_o power_n thereof_o be_v absorb_v and_o which_o last_v as_o i_o have_v say_v but_o a_o little_a while_n that_o the_o soul_n remain_v recollect_v and_o be_v not_o able_a in_o the_o exterior_a way_n to_o return_v to_o itself_o but_o those_o two_o power_n and_o faculty_n namely_o the_o understanding_n and_o memory_n remain_v as_o with_o a_o kind_n of_o frenzy_n in_o great_a disorder_n this_o i_o say_v happen_v sometime_o and_o especial_o with_o beginner_n and_o i_o have_v be_v think_v whether_o it_o may_v not_o proceed_v from_o this_o that_o our_o condition_n be_v natural_o very_o weak_a and_o not_o able_a to_o admit_v and_o endure_v so_o great_a a_o strength_n of_o spirit_n and_o that_o the_o imagination_n be_v weaken_v also_o much_o and_o i_o know_v that_o this_o happen_v to_o some_o now_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_o apt_a to_o think_v that_o it_o be_v not_o ill_o to_o oblige_v they_o in_o such_o case_n as_o this_o to_o leave-off_a their_o prayer_n for_o that_o time_n and_o to_o go_v recover_v that_o afterward_o which_o they_o lose_v then_o that_o so_o all_o come_v not_o on_o together_o for_o it_o may_v chance_n prove_v a_o occasion_n of_o much_o inconvenience_n and_o of_o this_o we_o have_v experience_n and_o that_o it_o will_v fall_v out_o to_o be_v of_o better_a proof_n to_o consider_v very_o well_o how_o much_o our_o state_n of_o health_n and_o strength_n be_v able_a to_o endure_v but_o in_o all_o thing_n there_o will_v be_v need_n of_o good_a experience_n and_o of_o a_o good_a director_n for_o when_o once_o the_o soul_n be_v grow_v to_o be_v in_o these_o term_n many_o thing_n will_v come_v to_o offer_v themselves_o wherein_o there_o will_v be_v need_n enough_o of_o some_o body_n with_o who_o it_o may_v be_v fit_a to_o consider_v they_o and_o if_o any_o such_o man_n can_v not_o be_v find_v when_o he_o be_v seek_v our_o bless_a lord_n himself_o will_v not_o be_v want_v to_o he_o since_o he_o will_v not_o be_v want_v to_o i_o i_o be_v the_o wicked_a creature_n i_o be_o for_o i_o believe_v there_o be_v very_o few_o who_o be_v come_v to_o have_v experience_n of_o so_o many_o thing_n and_o if_o there_o be_v not_o experience_n it_o be_v in_o vain_a to_o think_v of_o any_o remedy_n which_o will_v not_o rather_o serve_v to_o disquiet_v and_o afflict_v the_o soul_n but_o the_o best_a be_v that_o our_o bless_a lord_n will_v take_v even_o that_o trouble_n of_o we_o in_o account_n for_o some_o satisfaction_n of_o himself_o and_o therefore_o it_o will_v fallout_a to_o be_v better_o do_v to_o confer_v thereof_o as_o i_o have_v former_o say_v and_o so_o will_v it_o also_o be_v to_o proceed_v after_o this_o manner_n in_o all_o those_o thing_n whereof_o i_o be_o speak_v now_o for_o i_o see_v that_o this_o import_v very_o much_o especial_o if_o they_o be_v woman_n who_o be_v concern_v and_o that_o they_o do_v it_o with_o their_o ghostly_a father_n and_o that_o he_o also_o be_v such_o as_o be_v fit_a at_o least_o there_o use_v to_o be_v more_o woman_n than_o man_n to_o who_o our_o lord_n impart_v these_o favour_n and_o this_o i_o understand_v first_o from_o the_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n and_o i_o have_v also_o see_v myself_o that_o they_o proceed_v and_o profit_v more_o in_o this_o way_n of_o spirit_n than_o man_n do_v but_o he_o give_v excellent_a reason_n for_o his_o opinion_n which_o need_v not_o be_v insert_v here_o for_o they_o all_o be_v in_o favour_n of_o woman_n be_v one_o day_n in_o prayer_n there_o be_v sudden_o represent_v to_o i_o but_o it_o be_v without_o my_o see_v any_o thing_n form_v and_o yet_o it_o be_v with_o a_o very_a extraordinary_a kind_n of_o claritie_n how_o all_o thing_n be_v see_v in_o almighty_a god_n and_o how_o he_o have_v they_o all_o in_o himself_o to_o know_v how_o to_o set_v this_o down_o be_v in_o no_o power_n of_o i_o but_o it_o remain_v deep_o imprint_v in_o my_o soul_n and_o it_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n that_o ever_o have_v be_v do_v i_o by_o our_o bless_a lord_n yea_o and_o of_o those_o also_o which_o put_v i_o to_o great_a confusion_n &_o shame_n when_o i_o consider_v the_o many_o sin_n which_o i_o have_v commit_v against_o he_o i_o well_o believe_v that_o if_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v this_o vision_n at_o some_o other_o time_n of_o my_o life_n or_o if_o they_o can_v see_v he_o now_o who_o be_v sin_v against_o he_o they_o will_v never_o have_v the_o hart_n and_o courage_n to_o do_v as_o they_o do_v it_o appear_v to_o i_o as_o i_o say_v but_o yet_o so_o as_o that_o i_o can_v express_o affirm_v that_o i_o see_v any_o thing_n distinct_o but_o yet_o somewhat_o i_o think_v must_v needs_o have_v be_v see_v by_o i_o since_o i_o be_o able_a to_o make_v this_o very_a comparison_n but_o that_o it_o fall_v out_o to_o be_v signify_v by_o so_o delicate_a and_o subtle_a a_o way_n as_o that_o the_o understanding_n be_v not_o able_a to_o reach_v it_o or_o else_o that_o i_o have_v no_o skill_n of_o all_o those_o kind_n of_o vision_n which_o seem_v not_o to_o be_v imaginary_a but_o yet_o in_o some_o of_o these_o i_o very_o think_v that_o perhaps_o there_o may_v be_v somewhat_o of_o the_o imaginary_a or_o form_v appearance_n and_o that_o only_o the_o power_n of_o the_o soul_n be_v then_o in_o rapt_v they_o be_v not_o able_a afterward_o to_o assign_v any_o form_n in_o what_o manner_n our_o lord_n represent_v himself_o to_o they_o there_o and_o how_o he_o be_v please_v that_o they_o shall_v enjoy_v he_o but_o yet_o suppose_v it_o to_o be_v the_o divinity_n in_o the_o form_n of_o some_o bright_a diamond_n which_o be_v big_a than_o the_o whole_a world_n or_o else_o of_o some_o lookingglass_n after_o the_o manner_n of_o what_o i_o say_v before_o concern_v the_o soul_n in_o that_o other_o vision_n save_o that_o this_o be_v in_o so_o superior_a a_o kind_n of_o manner_n that_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o express_v it_o and_o that_o all_o that_o which_o we_o do_v be_v see_v
have_v begin_v to_o obey_v she_o also_o declare_v for_o how_o little_a purpose_n it_o serve_v to_o resist_v the_o favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o how_o his_o divine_a majesty_n go_v daily_o impart_v they_o to_o she_o after_o a_o more_o complete_a manner_n chap._n 25._o she_o treat_v here_o of_o the_o way_n and_o manner_n of_o understand_v those_o word_n or_o speech_n which_o almighty_a god_n be_v please_v to_o utter_v to_o the_o soul_n though_o yet_o without_o hear_v any_o voice_n or_o sound_n and_o of_o some_o error_n or_o abuse_n which_o may_v happen_v herein_o and_o how_o the_o right_a may_v be_v know_v from_o the_o wrong_n it_o be_v of_o much_o use_n and_o profit_n for_o such_o as_o see_v themselves_o in_o this_o degree_n of_o prayer_n for_o it_o be_v declare_v very_o well_o and_o the_o doctrine_n contain_v great_a instruction_n 26._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n and_o go_v relate_v and_o declare_v such_o thing_n as_o happen_v to_o she_o which_o make_v she_o to_o loose_a fear_n and_o to_o be_v strengthen_v in_o a_o belief_n that_o it_o be_v a_o good_a spirit_n which_o speak_v to_o she_o 27._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o another_o way_n how_o our_o lord_n instruct_v a_o soul_n and_o give_v she_o to_o understand_v his_o will_n after_o a_o very_a admirable_a manner_n without_o any_o speech_n at_o all_o she_o also_o declare_v a_o certain_a vision_n and_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n show_v she_o and_o this_o vision_n be_v not_o imaginary_a this_o chaepter_n be_v very_o much_o to_o be_v note_v 28._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n do_v she_o and_o how_o he_o appear_v to_o she_o the_o first_o time_n she_o declare_v that_o it_o be_v a_o vision_n which_o show_v itself_o by_o way_n of_o the_o imagination_n and_o discover_v the_o great_a effect_n and_o testimony_n which_o such_o thing_n leave_v in_o the_o soul_n when_o they_o be_v of_o almighty_a god_n this_o chapter_n be_v of_o great_a instruction_n and_o deserve_v to_o be_v note_v much_o 29._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v the_o discourse_n which_o she_o have_v begin_v and_o relate_v some_o high_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v she_o and_o what_o his_o divine_a majesty_n do_v further_o for_o the_o secure_n and_o encourage_a her_o mind_n and_o for_o the_o enable_v she_o to_o answer_n her_o contradictour_n 30._o chap._n she_o return_v to_o recount_v the_o course_n of_o her_o life_n and_o how_o our_o lord_n give_v remedy_n to_o many_o of_o her_o trouble_n by_o bring_v that_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n of_o the_o order_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n francis_n to_o the_o place_n where_o she_o be_v and_o she_o declare_v the_o great_a temptation_n and_o inward_a trouble_n which_o sometime_o she_o endure_v 31_o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o certain_a exterior_a temptation_n and_o representation_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o of_o the_o torment_n which_o he_o give_v she_o she_o speak_v also_o of_o other_o thing_n which_o be_v very_o fit_a for_o the_o advice_n and_o instruction_n of_o such_o person_n as_o be_v walk_v on_o in_o the_o way_n of_o perfection_n 32._o chap._n she_o treat_v how_o it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o put_v she_o in_o spirit_n into_o a_o place_n of_o hell_n which_o she_o say_v she_o have_v deserve_v for_o her_o sin_n she_o relate_v what_o be_v represent_v to_o she_o there_o which_o be_v but_o a_o kind_n of_o shadow_n of_o such_o thing_n as_o be_v suffer_v in_o that_o place_n she_o begin_v also_o to_o declare_v the_o way_n and_o manner_n how_o that_o monastery_n be_v found_v in_o auila_n under_o the_o name_n of_o s._n joseph_n 33._o chap._n she_o proceed_v in_o the_o same_o subject_n of_o the_o foundation_n of_o the_o monastery_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n she_o declare_v how_o she_o be_v command_v to_o attend_v to_o that_o business_n and_o of_o the_o time_n when_o she_o forbear_v to_o follow_v it_o and_o of_o some_o trouble_n which_o she_o have_v and_o how_o she_o be_v comfort_v in_o they_o by_o our_o bless_a lord_n chap._n 34._o she_o declare_v how_o at_o this_o time_n she_o be_v necessary_o to_o go_v from_o that_o place_n and_o she_o show_v the_o cause_n thereof_o and_o how_o her_o superior_a command_v she_o to_o go_v for_o the_o comfort_n of_o a_o certain_a lady_n who_o be_v much_o afflict_v she_o begin_v to_o treat_v of_o that_o which_o happen_v to_o she_o there_o and_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n which_o it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o do_v by_o her_o mean_n in_o stirring-up_a a_o very_a principal_a person_n to_o do_v he_o very_o great_a service_n and_o how_o afterward_o she_o receive_v much_o favour_n and_o protection_n from_o he_o this_o be_v a_o admirable_a discourse_n and_o very_o much_o to_o be_v note_v 35._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o subject_n about_o the_o foundation_n of_o this_o house_n of_o our_o glorious_a father_n s._n joseph_n she_o speak_v of_o the_o degree_n by_o which_o our_o lord_n come_v to_o appoint_v that_o holy_a poverty_n shall_v be_v ordain_v there_o and_o of_o the_o cause_n why_o she_o come_v from_o that_o lady_n with_o who_o she_o be_v and_o of_o other_o thing_n also_o which_o succeed_v 36._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v the_o subject_n which_o she_o have_v begunn_v and_o declare_v the_o final_a conclusion_n of_o this_o monastery_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n of_o auila_n and_o of_o the_o great_a contradiction_n and_o persecution_n which_o the_o religious_a woman_n be_v put_v to_o suffer_v even_o after_o they_o have_v take_v the_o habit_n and_o of_o the_o many_o trouble_n and_o temptation_n which_o she_o be_v fain_o to_o undergo_v and_o how_o his_o divine_a majesty_n draw_v she_o out_o of_o all_o with_o victory_n to_o his_o own_o praise_n and_o glory_n 37._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o the_o effect_n which_o use_v to_o remain_v in_o her_o soul_n when_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v she_o any_o favour_n and_o she_o accompany_v this_o discourse_n with_o very_o profitable_a doctrine_n she_o declare_v also_o how_o we_o be_v to_o procure_v and_o great_o esteem_v the_o gain_n of_o one_o degree_n of_o glory_n more_o and_o how_o we_o must_v not_o for_o any_o trouble_n or_o pain_n forsake_v those_o benefit_n &_o blessing_n which_o be_v everlasting_a 38._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o some_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v she_o as_o well_o in_o acquaint_v she_o with_o certain_a secret_n of_o heaven_n as_o by_o give_v she_o other_o great_a vision_n and_o revelation_n she_o declare_v also_o the_o effect_n which_o they_o leave_v in_o her_o soul_n and_o the_o great_a benefit_n which_o she_o obtain_v by_o they_o 39_o chap._n she_o proceed_v in_o the_o same_o subject_n of_o show_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v she_o and_o she_o declare_v how_o he_o be_v please_v to_o promise_v his_o favour_n to_o they_o for_o who_o she_o shall_v beg_v it_o and_o she_o relate_v some_o important_a particular_n wherein_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v do_v her_o extraordinary_a favour_n of_o this_o kind_n 40._o chap._n she_o proceed_v in_o the_o same_o discourse_n by_o relate_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n show_v she_o whereby_o good_a instruction_n be_v to_o be_v get_v and_o with_o the_o end_n of_o this_o chapter_n she_o end_v also_o the_o discourse_n of_o her_o life_n 41._o a_o letter_n write_v by_o the_o glorious_a s._n teresa_n which_o she_o send_v together_o with_o the_o book_n to_o her_o ghostly_a father_n approbatio_fw-la haec_fw-la vita_fw-la s._n teresae_fw-la primùm_fw-la hispanico_fw-la sermone_fw-la à _fw-la se_fw-la conscripta_fw-la &_o postea_fw-la taliter_fw-la edita_fw-la nunc_fw-la verò_fw-la felicissimè_fw-la anglicè_fw-la reddita_fw-la per_fw-la ill_n m_o virum_fw-la m._n t._n iussu_fw-la r_o mi_fw-mi antuerpiensis_n à _fw-la i_o attentè_fw-fr perlecta_fw-la fuit_fw-la &_o in_o eadem_fw-la nihil_fw-la dum_fw-la reperi_fw-la vel_fw-la contra_fw-la fidem_fw-la vel_fw-la quod_fw-la possit_fw-la meo_fw-la iudicio_fw-la pias_fw-la &_o christianas_n aures_fw-la offendere_fw-la imò_fw-la cum_fw-la amorem_fw-la eius_fw-la seraphicum_fw-la undique_fw-la lucentem_fw-la ac_fw-la inflammantem_fw-la lector_fw-la experiatur_fw-la censeo_fw-la dignissimam_fw-la ut_fw-la in_o communem_fw-la etiam_fw-la catholicorum_n anglorum_fw-la utilitatem_fw-la imprimatur_fw-la antuerpiae_fw-la 5._o augusti_fw-la m._n dc_o xlii_o richardus_n wake_v i._n v._o l._n cap._n 4._o cap._n 5._o cap._n 2._o cap._n 8._o cap._n 7._o cap._n 6._o cap._n 22._o 22._o note_v this_o great_a &_o most_o certain_a truth_n truth_n many_o use_v to_o repeat_v the_o creed_n in_o the_o presence_n and_o as_o in_o the_o person_n of_o such_o as_o be_v near_o expire_a by_o way_n of_o fortefy_v they_o at_o that_o time_n against_o the_o temptation_n of_o the_o devil_n devil_n when_o person_n be_v near_o expire_a attendant_n use_v to_o be_v very_o