heaven_n i_o have_v always_o observe_v that_o they_o count_v wound_n of_o conscience_n for_o sin_n melancholy_a sit_v and_o if_o the_o wound_n be_v deep_a and_o more_o smart_a than_o ordinary_a than_o they_o esteem_v they_o maddish_a upon_o who_o it_o be_v and_o that_o it_o befall_v they_o for_o be_v guilty_a of_o some_o soul_n secret_a sin_n worse_o than_o themselves_o have_v ever_o commit_v and_o i_o do_v fear_v if_o they_o know_v my_o case_n they_o will_v think_v no_o better_o on_o it_o in_o which_o respect_n i_o be_v very_o careful_a to_o hide_v it_o from_o they_o be_v at_o this_o set_n i_o turn_v aside_o from_o my_o black_a thought_n and_o say_v to_o my_o heart_n as_o solomon_n in_o another_o case_n goto_n i_o will_v try_v thou_o with_o mirth_n i_o seek_v diversion_n in_o merry_a company_n and_o will_v thereby_o have_v abate_v the_o rage_n of_o my_o guilty_a conscience_n as_o cain_n seek_v to_o do_v by_o building_n of_o city_n this_o remedy_n increase_v the_o disease_n for_o it_o multiply_v sin_n in_o i_o and_o god_n thereupon_o multiply_v my_o sorrow_n the_o way_n be_v by_o his_o providence_n thus_o hedge_v up_o with_o thorn_n about_o i_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o get_v out_o this_o path_n at_o length_n he_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o if_o i_o will_v ever_o be_v at_o peace_n i_o must_v get_v my_o sin_n pardon_v in_o regard_n that_o it_o be_v most_o evident_a that_o all_o my_o anguish_n and_o torment_n proceed_v from_o the_o guilt_n of_o unpardoned_a sin_n this_o i_o forthwith_o close_v with_o be_v under_o clear_a conviction_n of_o the_o truth_n of_o it_o then_o think_v i_o if_o i_o will_v have_v my_o sin_n pardon_v and_o get_v god_n to_o be_v my_o friend_n i_o must_v serve_v he_o better_o than_o i_o have_v do_v yet_o here_o i_o fall_v most_o intent_o upon_o seek_v righteousness_n by_o the_o work_n of_o the_o law_n i_o read_v the_o bible_n and_o the_o practice_n of_o piety_n and_o such_o other_o book_n as_o i_o can_v get_v that_o treat_v of_o a_o godly_a and_o devout_a conversation_n i_o set_v upon_o private_a pâ—ayer_n and_o as_o a_o help_n to_o it_o gâ—t_a prayer-book_n which_o i_o do_v use_v have_v be_v so_o ignorant_o educate_v as_o to_o know_v no_o better_o from_o these_o write_a prayer_n i_o can_v say_v i_o find_v not_o any_o help_n but_o very_o little_a i_o be_o sure_a they_o be_v too_o dull_a and_o lazy_a a_o way_n to_o quicken_v a_o poor_a soul_n that_o be_v gasp_v for_o life_n when_o child_n be_v very_o young_a they_o will_v swallow_v meat_n of_o the_o nurse_n chew_v but_o when_o thâ—y_o be_v grow_v and_o have_v tooth_n they_o use_v they_o and_o loath_a that_o which_o be_v prepare_v by_o other_o thus_o it_o be_v with_o i_o in_o this_o case_n have_v then_o no_o prejudice_n beget_v in_o i_o against_o they_o by_o converse_v with_o those_o that_o be_v former_o call_v puritan_n sectary_n schismatic_n and_o now_o call_v fanatic_n of_o which_o sort_n of_o people_n i_o then_o know_v not_o any_o nor_o have_v read_v their_o book_n but_o i_o do_v discharge_v my_o conscience_n upon_o my_o dying-bed_n in_o declare_v my_o experience_n for_o the_o information_n of_o such_o as_o need_v it_o pray_v earnest_o that_o the_o testimony_n of_o a_o poor_a consume_v die_v creature_n may_v prevail_v with_o those_o to_o who_o the_o knowledge_n hereof_o shall_v come_v who_o think_v it_o worship_n enough_o to_o read_v over_o a_o prayer_n certain_a time_n in_o a_o day_n to_o distrust_v their_o condition_n before_o it_o be_v past_a cure_n i_o have_v nor_o part_n and_o if_o i_o have_v i_o will_v not_o here_o employ_v they_o to_o dispute_v the_o point_n of_o stint_a form_n of_o prayer_n invent_v by_o some_o for_o the_o use_n of_o other_o only_o this_o i_o do_v experience_n that_o the_o immediate_a sigh_n groan_n and_o long_a desire_n of_o my_o heart_n sometime_o express_v without_o word_n sometime_o in_o such_o word_n as_o occur_v to_o my_o memory_n be_v gracious_o answer_v and_o consequent_o accept_v of_o god_n and_o consequent_o to_o that_o wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n who_o office_n be_v to_o be_v a_o advocate_n in_o we_o as_o christ_n be_v for_o we_o let_v the_o blind_a carnal_a world_n think_v and_o speak_v what_o they_o please_v to_o the_o contraty_n my_o want_n be_v such_o as_o i_o find_v no_o print_a prayer_n that_o take_v notice_n of_o they_o and_o whether_o those_o form-maker_n ever_o know_v they_o or_o no_o i_o will_v not_o judge_v but_o if_o the_o form-user_n be_v as_o hard_o follow_v as_o i_o be_v i_o believe_v they_o will_v cast_v away_o their_o crutch_n and_o scramble_v forward_o with_o their_o own_o leg_n i_o think_v their_o distress_n will_v not_o allow_v they_o time_n to_o look_v for_o a_o book_n a_o prisoner_n condemn_v at_o the_o bar_n beg_v for_o his_o life_n without_o the_o help_n of_o a_o petition_n write_v and_o such_o be_v my_o case_n but_o to_o return_v from_o this_o digression_n to_o the_o relation_n of_o the_o state_n i_o stand_v in_o at_o this_o time_n it_o be_v as_o i_o say_v a_o little_a before_o a_o state_n of_o righteousness_n by_o personal_a obedience_n for_o i_o be_v they_o of_o the_o work_n of_o the_o law_n as_o the_o apostle_n phrase_n be_v gal._n 3._o 10._o i_o say_v of_o the_o work_n of_o the_o law_n as_o of_o a_o trade_n in_o which_o i_o think_v to_o earn_v eternal_a life_n and_o consequent_o i_o be_v under_o the_o curse_n because_o it_o be_v write_v curse_a be_v every_o one_o that_o continue_v not_o in_o all_o thing_n write_v in_o the_o book_n of_o the_o law_n to_o do_v they_o it_o be_v nothing_o i_o can_v boast_v of_o and_o very_o little_a i_o can_v say_v as_o to_o what_o i_o do_v in_o this_o case_n to_o render_v myself_o well-pleasing_a to_o god_n and_o acceptable_a in_o his_o fight_n but_o what_o i_o can_v i_o do_v in_o work_n of_o piety_n and_o charity_n i_o think_v most_o reverent_o of_o all_o person_n in_o who_o i_o do_v diseern_v a_o strict_a and_o circumspect_a conversation_n or_o will_v at_o any_o time_n speak_v of_o god_n or_o holiness_n with_o any_o zeal_n or_o affection_n my_o indignation_n be_v no_o less_o kindle_v against_o the_o contrary_a especial_o those_o who_o be_v call_v the_o clergy_n what_o i_o then_o observe_v among_o some_o of_o that_o rank_n be_v then_o be_v still_o and_o for_o ever_o will_v be_v the_o abhorrency_n of_o my_o soul_n but_o to_o mention_v it_o i_o be_o ashamed_a unhappy_a englant_n who_o art_n great_o infest_a with_o this_o generation_n for_o if_o salt_n have_v lose_v its_o savour_n wherewith_o shall_v it_o be_v season_v and_o if_o the_o blind_a lead_v the_o blind_a both_o must_v fall_v into_o the_o ditch_n i_o be_v for_o some_o year_n toss_v in_o this_o sea_n where_o i_o find_v no_o calm_a nor_o any_o bottom_n to_o cast_v anehor_fw-la in_fw-la have_v the_o knowledge_n of_o sin_n but_o not_o of_o grace_n i_o judge_v myself_o the_o worst_a of_o sinner_n and_o oft_o wish_v i_o have_v never_o be_v bear_v increase_v my_o sin_n by_o that_o wish_n walk_v sometime_o alone_o when_o my_o fellow_n be_v in_o the_o pleasure_n of_o their_o childish_a sport_n i_o think_v they_o bless_v in_o comparison_n of_o myself_o as_o be_v not_o guilty_a of_o such_o sin_n as_o i_o be_v guilty_a of_o by_o these_o step_n do_v the_o work_n of_o deep_a humiliation_n and_o bitter_a mourning_n for_o sin_n proceed_v in_o i_o and_o to_o that_o precipice_n be_v i_o bring_v that_o though_o god_n put_v under_o his_o hand_n secret_o and_o do_v support_v i_o yet_o in_o my_o own_o thought_n i_o be_v oft_o at_o the_o brink_n of_o utter_a despair_n the_o dreadful_a consideration_n of_o appear_v before_o the_o judgement_n seat_n of_o christ_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n the_o first_o representation_n i_o have_v of_o he_o be_v that_o to_o he_o be_v commit_v the_o judgement_n of_o the_o great_a day_n and_o that_o he_o will_v exercise_v that_o authority_n to_o my_o condemnation_n unless_o i_o obtain_v mercy_n and_o favour_n from_o he_o now_o notwithstanding_o i_o have_v oft_o read_v the_o story_n of_o christ_n suffering_n and_o weep_v in_o read_v it_o be_v great_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o have_v a_o very_a high_a reverence_n about_o the_o sacrament_n of_o his_o supper_n be_v institute_v to_o preserve_v the_o memorial_n of_o those_o suffering_n yet_o now_o i_o perceive_v and_o have_v do_v long_o that_o those_o be_v but_o humane_a passion_n work_v upon_o a_o object_n of_o great_a sorrow_n but_o no_o sanctify_a affection_n move_v through_o a_o due_a sense_n of_o the_o meritorious_a cause_n of_o christ_n passion_n and_o consequent_o altogether_o without_o any_o save_a knowledge_n of_o he_o let_v such_o as_o resemble_v i_o in_o that_o frame_n of_o heart_n know_v that_o they_o deal_v
it_o become_v i_o to_o lodge_v i_o there_o also_o what_o ever_o my_o personal_a qualification_n be_v the_o station_n in_o which_o i_o stand_v have_v at_o another_o time_n occasion_v a_o long_a slumber_n to_o i_o wherein_o i_o have_v not_o my_o former_a sense_n of_o the_o work_n of_o grace_n nor_o fellowship_n with_o christ_n the_o vexation_n that_o it_o give_v i_o keep_v i_o from_o total_a stupidity_n but_o it_o continue_v long_o than_o such_o â—â—ts_n use_v to_o do_v for_o i_o find_v not_o that_o genuine_a frame_n of_o mind_n which_o i_o have_v former_o to_o god_n and_o his_o way_n then_o be_v i_o wonderful_o break_v in_o upon_o from_o isa_n 54._o 4_o 5_o 6_o 7_o 8_o 9_o 10_o 11._o especial_o that_o which_o settle_v i_o as_o upon_o a_o mountain_n be_v the_o ten_o verse_n where_o it_o be_v say_v for_o the_o mountain_n shall_v depart_v and_o the_o hill_n be_v remove_v but_o my_o kindness_n shall_v not_o depart_v from_o thou_o neither_o shall_v the_o covenant_n of_o my_o peace_n be_v remove_v say_v the_o lord_n that_o â—ath_v mercy_n upon_o thou_o this_o be_v so_o remarkable_a a_o passage_n as_o i_o go_v to_o seek_v a_o place_n to_o pour_v out_o tear_n of_o joy_n issue_v from_o a_o heart_n melt_v with_o love_n if_o ever_o i_o experience_a true_a contrition_n and_o a_o heart_n of_o stone_n turn_v into_o a_o heart_n of_o flesh_n it_o be_v at_o this_o time_n i_o be_v at_o another_o time_n much_o affect_v from_o the_o consideration_n of_o god_n familiar_a deal_n with_o sin_v man_n in_o those_o intimate_a expression_n of_o love_n and_o allure_a invitation_n by_o which_o he_o seek_v to_o draw_v man_n after_o he_o express_v under_o such_o take_a object_n prov._n 8._o 17_o 18._o 19_o 20_o 21._o i_o love_v they_o that_o love_v i_o and_o those_o that_o seek_v i_o early_o shall_v find_v i_o riches_n and_o honour_n be_v with_o i_o yea_o durable_a riches_n and_o righteousness_n my_o fruit_n be_v better_a than_o gold_n yea_o than_o much_o fine_a gold_n and_o my_o revenue_n than_o choice_n silver_n i_o lead_v in_o the_o way_n of_o righteousness_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o path_n of_o judgement_n that_o i_o may_v cause_v those_o that_o love_v i_o to_o inherit_v substance_n and_o i_o will_v fill_v their_o treasure_n in_o a_o time_n of_o darkness_n and_o perplexity_n of_o heart_n by_o reason_n of_o it_o i_o be_v insult_v over_o by_o satan_n as_o if_o he_o have_v obtain_v now_o a_o conquest_n over_o i_o then_o do_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n suggest_v these_o word_n unto_o i_o micah_n 7._o 8._o rejoice_v not_o against_o i_o o_o my_o enemy_n though_o i_o fall_v i_o shall_v rise_v again_o when_o i_o sit_v in_o darkness_n the_o lord_n shall_v be_v a_o light_n unto_o i_o many_o other_o comfort_n at_o sundry_a time_n from_o several_a scripture_n be_v give_v in_o fit_v to_o the_o temptation_n that_o i_o be_v at_o such_o time_n under_o which_o i_o have_v sinful_o forget_v the_o lord_n pardon_v i_o in_o much_o mercy_n some_o i_o can_v give_v the_o better_a account_n of_o because_o i_o write_v they_o in_o a_o paper-book_n which_o i_o have_v now_o by_o i_o as_o 1_o john_n 8._o 9_o if_o we_o confess_v our_o sin_n he_o be_v faithful_a and_o just_a to_o forgive_v we_o our_o sin_n here_o pardon_v of_o sin_n be_v annex_v to_o confession_n of_o sin_n and_o it_o be_v a_o very_a comfortable_a place_n when_o right_o understand_v &_o make_v use_v of_o for_o it_o imply_v the_o knowledge_n of_o a_o ransom_n for_o sin_n and_o faith_n in_o a_o redeemer_n for_o by_o the_o tenure_n of_o the_o law_n sin_n be_v vupardonable_a curse_v say_v it_o be_v every_o one_o that_o continue_v not_o in_o all_o thing_n write_v in_o the_o book_n of_o the_o law_n to_o do_v they_o hence_o no_o sorrow_n for_o sin_n turn_v from_o sin_n cry_v for_o pardon_n of_o sin_n can_v obtain_v it_o without_o the_o mediation_n of_o he_o who_o have_v make_v his_o soul_n a_o offering_n for_o sin_n but_o the_o common_a use_n that_o people_n make_v if_o it_o who_o confess_v sin_n formal_o and_o resolve_v to_o practice_v it_o subsâ—â—tâ—ally_o be_v a_o abhorrence_n to_o god_n and_o all_o that_o have_v the_o image_n of_o god_n stamp_v on_o they_o we_o have_v do_v those_o thing_n say_v they_o which_o we_o ought_v not_o to_o have_v do_v and_o we_o have_v leave_v â—ndâ—ne_v those_o thing_n which_o we_o ought_v to_o have_v do_v and_o miâ—ht_v add_v we_o resolve_v so_o to_o do_v still_o else_o what_o mean_v their_o return_v from_o the_o solemnity_n of_o their_o devotion_n to_o swear_v drunkenness_n whoredom_n and_o all_o abomination_n that_o lie_v in_o the_o way_n of_o their_o lustful_a heart_n it_o have_v trouble_v i_o sore_o to_o hear_v carnal_a people_n make_v the_o way_n to_o heaven_n so_o broad_a and_o easy_a in_o their_o discourse_n pointblank_o against_o what_o christ_n say_v of_o it_o and_o it_o be_v a_o conclude_a argument_n they_o know_v it_o not_o that_o god_n be_v merciful_a and_o christ_n die_v â—or_a sinner_n be_v precious_a truth_n and_o of_o concernment_n to_o fall_a man_n none_o great_a yet_o do_v multitude_n encourage_v themselves_o from_o they_o to_o live_v in_o sin_n and_o thereupon_o perish_v for_o one_o who_o obtain_v salvation_n by_o they_o i_o have_v be_v often_o quicken_v to_o duty_n from_o heb._n 6._o 12._o be_v not_o slothful_a but_o follower_n of_o thâ—s_n who_o through_o faith_n and_o patience_n inherit_v the_o promise_n i_o find_v faith_n and_o patience_n of_o absolute_a necessity_n in_o all_o obedience_n whethet_n active_a or_o passive_a nor_o may_v i_o omit_v the_o encouragement_n to_o obedience_n lay_v down_o vers_n 17._o and_o 18._o of_o that_o chapter_n wherein_o god_n be_v willing_a more_o abundant_o to_o show_v unto_o the_o heir_n of_o the_o promise_n the_o immutability_n of_o his_o counsel_n confirm_v it_o by_o a_o oath_n that_o by_o two_o immutable_a thing_n in_o which_o it_o be_v not_o possible_a for_o god_n to_o lie_v they_o may_v have_v strong_a consolation_n who_o be_v flee_v for_o refuge_n to_o the_o hope_v set_v before_o they_o where_o i_o further_o noee_v a_o distinguish_a character_n of_o a_o sound_a believer_n he_o be_v say_v here_o to_o fly_v for_o refuge_n to_o the_o hope_v set_v before_o he_o for_o i_o do_v not_o think_v that_o in_o time_n of_o sore_a distress_n under_o the_o burden_n of_o sin_n any_o but_o such_o as_o in_o who_o christ_n dwell_v can_v fly_v to_o he_o for_o refuge_n though_o they_o may_v have_v other_o great_a accomplishment_n such_o as_o to_o be_v enlighten_v to_o taste_v the_o heavenly_a gift_n to_o be_v partaker_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o taste_v the_o good_a word_n of_o god_n and_o the_o power_n of_o the_o world_n to_o come_v as_o be_v say_v of_o some_o vers_fw-la 4._o 5._o the_o word_n also_o heb._n 7._o 25._o have_v be_v of_o stand_a support_n to_o i_o he_o be_v able_a to_o save_v they_o to_o the_o uttermost_a that_o come_v to_o god_n through_o he_o see_v he_o ever_o live_v to_o make_v intercession_n for_o they_o and_o thus_o much_o of_o the_o mâ—â—remarkable_a thing_n which_o besel_n i_o before_o the_o begin_n of_o my_o long_a sickness_n about_o the_o begin_n of_o april_n in_o the_o year_n 58._o i_o be_v take_v with_o a_o violent_a cold_a which_o be_v exceed_v common_a at_o that_o time_n since_o when_o i_o can_v say_v that_o i_o have_v have_v one_o healthy_a day_n as_o before_o but_o distemper_n have_v increase_v upon_o i_o with_o very_o troublesome_a effect_n and_o symptom_n under_o this_o visitation_n i_o have_v have_v great_a experience_n of_o god_n gracious_a deal_n with_o i_o in_o my_o weakness_n i_o have_v recourse_n to_o the_o word_n of_o the_o prophet_n jer._n 9_o 23_o 24._o thus_o say_v the_o lord_n let_v not_o the_o strong_a man_n glory_n in_o his_o strength_n etc._n etc._n but_o let_v he_o that_o glori_v glory_n in_o this_o that_o he_o understand_v and_o know_v i_o that_o i_o be_o the_o lord_n who_o exercise_n lovingkindness_n judgement_n and_o righteousness_n in_o the_o earth_n also_o the_o say_n of_o the_o apostle_n jam._n 1._o 12._o be_v of_o great_a use_n to_o i_o bless_a be_v the_o man_n that_o endure_v temptation_n for_o when_o he_o be_v try_v he_o shall_v receive_v the_o crown_n of_o life_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v promise_v to_o they_o that_o love_v he_o while_o these_o thing_n pass_v on_o find_v in_o myself_o many_o sign_n of_o approach_a mortality_n i_o be_v very_o conversant_a in_o the_o more_o serious_a thought_n of_o eternity_n and_o i_o oâ—t_o be_v think_v with_o myself_o oh_o that_o i_o have_v a_o crevice_n in_o at_o which_o to_o look_v that_o i_o may_v see_v the_o state_n of_o soul_n depart_v satan_n who_o lose_v no_o opportunity_n take_v the_o hint_n of_o these_o thought_n because_o i_o
conversion_n exemplify_v in_o the_o instance_n of_o a_o gracious_a gentlewoman_n now_o in_o glory_n wrâ—tten_a from_o she_o own_o mouth_n and_o appointment_n by_o her_o dear_a friend_n and_o publish_v in_o pursuance_n of_o her_o desire_n for_o common_a benefit_n but_o especial_o for_o her_o near_a relation_n in_o the_o flesh_n london_n print_v in_o the_o year_n 1669._o a_o epistle_n to_o the_o reader_n reader_n the_o follow_a history_n contain_v a_o natrative_a of_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n upon_o a_o gentlewoman_n why_o now_o enjoy_v the_o harvest_n of_o that_o seed_n time_n in_o glory_n at_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n she_o will_v come_v again_o br_v her_o sheaf_n with_o she_o have_v as_o you_o may_v here_o read_v sow_o in_o tear_n the_o unusual_a way_n of_o her_o translation_n out_o of_o the_o power_n of_o satan_n into_o the_o kingdom_n of_o christ_n impress_v so_o deep_a upon_o her_o heart_n so_o oft_o as_o she_o reflect_v on_o it_o as_o though_o her_o conscience_n be_v sprinkle_v with_o the_o blood_n of_o the_o covenant_n yet_o she_o can_v not_o quiet_o think_v on_o die_v till_o she_o have_v cause_v as_o much_o as_o in_o so_o languish_v a_o estate_n as_o she_o be_v in_o she_o can_v call_v to_o mind_n to_o be_v write_v down_o that_o by_o the_o publish_n of_o it_o god_n may_v be_v glorify_v and_o soul_n by_o her_o example_n receive_v some_o guidance_n comfort_n and_o establishment_n the_o great_a discouragement_n she_o herein_o meet_v with_o be_v from_o a_o secret_a stir_v of_o vain_a ostentation_n which_o she_o be_v so_o great_a a_o enemy_n to_o as_o she_o sometime_o think_v it_o be_v better_a not_o let_v these_o thing_n be_v know_v than_o to_o incline_v to_o seek_v she_o own_o name_n in_o they_o but_o she_o then_o consider_v that_o if_o a_o christian_a shall_v omit_v service_n till_o he_o be_v perfect_o free_a from_o sinful_a self-seeking_a no_o duty_n shall_v be_v do_v on_o this_o side_n heaven_n â—herefore_o she_o proceed_v in_o her_o purpose_n only_o desire_v that_o her_o name_n shall_v not_o be_v print_v with_o it_o it_o will_v fill_v a_o big_a book_n than_o this_o which_o she_o direct_v to_o be_v write_v to_o give_v the_o grace_n of_o christ_n in_o she_o its_o full_a due_a but_o my_o design_n be_v brevity_n to_o which_o yet_o i_o be_o not_o under_o so_o strict_a a_o obligation_n as_o to_o make_v i_o whole_o silent_a while_o i_o have_v a_o duty_n to_o discharge_v to_o a_o saint_n who_o faith_n though_o she_o be_v dead_a speak_v so_o exceed_o loud_a permit_v i_o then_o to_o write_v her_o character_n true_o and_o short_o in_o freedom_n from_o guile_n she_o be_v as_o if_o she_o have_v be_v twin-sister_n to_o nathaniel_n and_o sole-daughter_n and_o heretrix_fw-la to_o plainhearted_a jacob._n love_n to_o christ_n and_o his_o member_n burn_v so_o hot_a in_o she_o in_o this_o frigid_a age_n wherein_o all_o seek_v their_o own_o as_o it_o drink_v up_o her_o radical_a moisture_n in_o a_o degree_n to_o the_o shorten_n of_o her_o life_n she_o do_v bear_v the_o suffering_n of_o enemy_n very_o uneasy_o but_o the_o want_n of_o friend_n and_o relation_n especial_o if_o they_o be_v in_o christ_n mingle_v her_o pleasant_a thing_n with_o gall_n and_o wormwood_n except_o in_o a_o very_a few_o instance_n i_o never_o know_v such_o a_o wife_n such_o a_o child_n such_o a_o sister_n such_o a_o mother-in-law_n such_o a_o friend_n for_o reality_n and_o ardency_n of_o love_n it_o be_v prodigious_a to_o this_o lukewarm_a age_n to_o lose_v such_o a_o pattern_n in_o the_o prime_n of_o her_o day_n such_o be_v herself_o denial_n humility_n and_o constant_a sense_n of_o sin_n as_o seldom_o do_v any_o sound_n come_v from_o her_o lip_n in_o which_o she_o do_v not_o complain_v of_o and_o condemn_v herself_o and_o in_o private_a it_o be_v her_o constant_a practice_n never_o such_o a_o sinner_n pardon_v and_o save_v be_v her_o daily_a cry_n in_o the_o description_n of_o natural_a and_o moral_a excellency_n i_o have_v see_v volume_n write_v of_o subject_n much_o inferior_a i_o shall_v satisfy_v myself_o in_o say_v only_o that_o in_o she_o i_o have_v see_v a_o end_n of_o those_o perfection_n the_o heart_n and_o bowel_n be_v of_o great_a use_n in_o nature_n be_v both_o architectonical_a paris_n and_o the_o seat_n of_o affection_n they_o be_v in_o she_o of_o so_o tender_a a_o composition_n as_o the_o fall_n of_o her_o earthly_a tabernacle_n at_o they_o commence_v be_v deep_o wound_v at_o the_o calamity_n of_o sufferer_n who_o sometime_o on_o one_o side_n sometime_o on_o another_o this_o divide_a kingdom_n have_v expose_v to_o that_o condition_n without_o repentance_n i_o be_o assure_v god_n will_v have_v a_o account_n of_o her_o blood_n of_o many_o instrument_n of_o cruelty_n who_o little_o think_v they_o have_v any_o hand_n in_o it_o sin_n of_o ignorance_n be_v in_o their_o nature_n no_o more_o venial_a than_o those_o against_o knowledge_n though_o they_o be_v less_o heinous_a her_o eye_n be_v whole_o deprive_v of_o their_o belove_a rest_n from_o friday_n night_n till_o tuesday_n afternoon_n when_o death_n close_v they_o so_o far_o as_o those_o about_o she_o can_v discern_v much_o about_o two_o complete_a day_n and_o night_n she_o wrestle_v under_o more_o immediate_a gripe_n of_o death_n and_o it_o be_v that_o what_o god_n have_v in_o so_o great_a plenty_n give_v she_o may_v have_v its_o due_a exercise_n for_o his_o glory_n it_o be_v indeed_o a_o time_n of_o sharp_a trial_n but_o not_o the_o least_o prevail_v against_o her_o faith_n and_o patience_n her_o say_n be_v my_o pain_n be_v great_a but_o god_n be_v good_a still_o he_o restrain_v satan_n from_o trouble_v i_o in_o the_o least_o i_o feel_v no_o ravish_a joy_n but_o i_o have_v settle_v peace_n in_o believe_v i_o be_v wont_a to_o be_v trouble_v at_o the_o consideration_n of_o the_o putrâ—faction_n of_o my_o body_n in_o the_o grave_n that_o it_o must_v be_v separate_v from_o the_o society_n of_o man_n and_o be_v wrap_v up_o in_o darkness_n but_o i_o be_o now_o beyond_o all_o those_o thing_n and_o long_o to_o be_v at_o rest_n in_o word_n to_o this_o purpose_n she_o oft_o express_v her_o mind_n once_o she_o say_v it_o be_v hard_a work_n to_o be_v under_o the_o arrest_n of_o death_n as_o i_o be_o with_o all_o my_o sense_n in_o their_o free_a exercise_n she_o oft_o express_v fear_n of_o be_v hold_v long_o under_o those_o pain_n yet_o with_o child_n like_o submission_n like_o that_o of_o christ_n when_o he_o pray_v that_o the_o cup_n may_v pass_v from_o he_o which_o he_o be_v drink_v and_o they_o be_v both_o hear_v in_o the_o thing_n they_o feaâ—ed_v for_o the_o cup_n pass_v from_o christ_n so_o soon_o as_o his_o prayer_n be_v end_v and_o her_o patience_n be_v protract_v till_o death_n have_v set_v her_o free_a on_o the_o monday_n morning_n before_o she_o die_v a_o worthy_a friend_n of_o caryl_n mr._n caryl_n she_o and_o choice_a minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n come_v to_o see_v she_o and_o speak_v to_o she_o of_o the_o glory_n she_o be_v go_v into_o and_o the_o way_n god_n have_v lead_v she_o in_o unto_o it_o and_o pray_v with_o she_o when_o he_o have_v take_v his_o leave_n she_o tell_v i_o she_o perceive_v he_o be_v send_v of_o god_n to_o scatter_v some_o cloud_n that_o be_v gather_v about_o she_o when_o he_o come_v in_o but_o his_o gracious_a word_n have_v chase_v away_o that_o darkness_n during_o the_o seven_o year_n wherein_o i_o enjoy_v she_o she_o will_v very_o frequent_o issue_v forth_o in_o discourse_n of_o eternity_n and_o often_o will_v say_v what_o shall_v i_o do_v when_o i_o come_v to_o launch_v into_o that_o ocean_n the_o frequent_a contemplation_n of_o it_o make_v it_o easy_a to_o she_o at_o last_o for_o when_o her_o time_n come_v to_o change_v her_o station_n she_o do_v it_o with_o such_o cheerfulness_n that_o her_o dear_a friend_n and_o acquaintance_n see_v she_o have_v their_o sorrow_n for_o part_v with_o it_o balance_v with_o joy_n so_o deep_o be_v the_o sense_n she_o have_v of_o the_o state_n of_o soul_n depart_v in_o regard_n of_o the_o unchangeableness_n of_o their_o condition_n as_o i_o have_v know_v she_o shed_v plenty_n of_o tear_n for_o some_o who_o life_n give_v little_a hope_n though_o she_o have_v no_o relation_n to_o they_o none_o need_v other_o attractive_a of_o her_o love_n than_o to_o walk_v with_o god_n and_o endeavour_v to_o rescue_v soul_n from_o satan_n she_o love_v child_n exceed_o and_o can_v not_o bear_v their_o hard_a usage_n and_o will_v frequent_o say_v she_o hate_v the_o name_n of_o a_o mother-in-law_n and_o can_v not_o endure_v to_o think_v herself_o in_o that_o relation_n because_o it_o be_v general_o the_o occasion_n of_o so_o much_o cruelty_n and_o wrong_n when_o she_o meet_v with_o any_o poor_a
illumination_n or_o a_o anoint_v which_o teach_v all_o thing_n the_o will_n be_v altogether_o incapacitate_v to_o choose_v aright_o nor_o be_o i_o ashamed_a to_o acknowledge_v those_o who_o labour_n god_n have_v use_v to_o inform_v and_o edify_v i_o mr._n pemble_n upon_o faith_n and_o grace_n be_v a_o book_n i_o take_v much_o pleasure_n in_o as_o that_o which_o make_v thing_n clear_a to_o i_o which_o i_o former_o understand_v little_a of_o i_o understand_v the_o better_a what_o be_v write_v by_o he_o because_o i_o have_v experience_v the_o truth_n of_o his_o notion_n so_o much_o for_o freedom_n of_o will_n as_o to_o perseverance_n which_o be_v another_o truth_n much_o oppose_v i_o have_v establishment_n in_o it_o from_o john_n 10._o 28._o and_o i_o give_v unto_o they_o eternal_a life_n and_o they_o shall_v never_o perish_v neither_o shall_v any_o man_n pluck_v they_o our_o of_o my_o hand_n my_o father_n which_o give_v they_o i_o be_v great_a than_o all_o and_o no_o man_n be_v able_a to_o pluck_v they_o out_o of_o my_o father_n hand_n this_o say_n of_o our_o lord_n preserve_v i_o from_o be_v infect_v with_o that_o câ—â—nal_n â—otteâ—_n rack_a opinion_n that_o a_o true_a justify_v person_n may_v fall_v from_o that_o state_n and_o that_o chrisâ—_n and_o satan_n change_v member_n dâ—â—â—y_o i_o proceed_v to_o the_o last_o stage_n of_o my_o travel_n about_o which_o i_o intend_v any_o far_a discourse_n and_o that_o be_v whitehall_n for_o thither_o the_o hand_n of_o providence_n lead_v i_o and_o in_o a_o short_a time_n after_o i_o come_v thither_o i_o meet_v with_o a_o change_n of_o my_o condition_n from_o single_a to_o marry_v the_o deal_n of_o god_n with_o i_o in_o this_o place_n and_o state_n be_v too_o remarkable_a to_o be_v pass_v over_o in_o silence_n new_a relation_n call_v for_o new_a duty_n new_a duty_n require_v new_a grace_n and_o be_v as_o i_o say_v before_o attend_v with_o new_a trial_n for_o sin_n stick_v close_o to_o the_o whole_a man_n endeavour_n to_o promote_v itself_o by_o 〈…〉_o currence_n in_o this_o world_n the_o sorrow_n and_o bitterness_n that_o every_o enjoyment_n in_o this_o life_n be_v attend_v with_o derive_v its_o original_a from_o sin_n and_o although_o the_o comfort_n i_o meet_v with_o in_o marriage_n be_v many_o and_o such_o as_o that_o state_n afford_v to_o few_o in_o sundry_a particular_n yet_o i_o find_v vanity_n enough_o in_o it_o also_o teach_v i_o to_o say_v arise_v and_o go_v hence_o for_o this_o be_v not_o thy_o rest_n yet_o in_o all_o my_o strait_n still_o he_o be_v near_o that_o help_v i_o and_o how_o bad_a soever_o my_o naughty_a heart_n behave_v itself_o yet_o he_o that_o for_o his_o own_o sake_n love_v and_o save_v do_v deliver_v i_o god_n give_v i_o to_o find_v favour_n in_o the_o eye_n of_o the_o governor_n and_o chief_a person_n in_o that_o court_n and_o general_o i_o do_v not_o observe_v any_o to_o be_v a_o enemy_n to_o i_o as_o first_o till_o some_o begin_v to_o despise_v and_o hate_v i_o partly_o for_o my_o profession_n and_o partly_o out_o of_o some_o little_a envy_n which_o those_o place_n abound_v with_o now_o for_o a_o person_n of_o my_o year_n and_o interest_n not_o to_o begin_v a_o build_n of_o worldly_a happiness_n upon_o such_o a_o foundation_n be_v very_o unusual_a for_o my_o part_n i_o be_o willing_a to_o take_v to_o myself_o the_o shame_n of_o confess_v that_o i_o fall_v into_o this_o share_n only_o through_o mercy_n it_o hold_v i_o not_o long_o the_o lord_n soon_o show_v i_o experimental_o that_o man_n of_o high_a degree_n be_v aâ—lyâ—_n and_o show_v i_o good_a reason_n why_o he_o command_v i_o to_o cease_v from_o they_o to_o relate_v the_o particular_a trial_n that_o here_o i_o meet_v with_o will_v argue_v my_o memory_n over_o tenacious_a of_o such_o thing_n and_o appear_v uncomely_a in_o other_o respect_n the_o miscarriage_n of_o professor_n in_o this_o age_n be_v too_o notorious_a and_o god_n have_v make_v their_o suffering_n as_o visible_a to_o set_v forth_o god_n deal_n with_o i_o in_o those_o time_n be_v that_o which_o i_o be_o carry_v on_o i_o remember_v that_o my_o approach_n to_o marriage_n be_v with_o great_a perturbation_n of_o mind_n for_o though_o my_o affection_n be_v deep_o engage_v â—â—_o he_o that_o god_n provide_v for_o i_o and_o have_v from_o thence_o to_o this_o day_n grow_v up_o and_o that_o upon_o such_o principle_n as_o will_v endure_v when_o my_o relation_n to_o he_o as_o a_o wife_n shall_v cease_v yet_o worldly_a care_n do_v present_v themselves_o to_o i_o in_o great_a multitude_n the_o devil_n provide_v instrument_n to_o help_v that_o business_n of_o his_o forward_a who_o frequent_o tell_v i_o how_o unhappy_a i_o shall_v be_v if_o such_o thing_n and_o such_o thing_n fall_v out_o i_o dare_v say_v the_o party_n seek_v my_o good_a in_o it_o peter_n do_v his_o master_n when_o he_o pray_v he_o to_o spare_v himself_o yet_o be_v their_o discourse_n to_o i_o as_o peter_n be_v tempt_v to_o sin_n it_o will_v be_v very_o unhandsome_a to_o enter_v into_o the_o particular_n of_o the_o thing_n but_o in_o the_o toss_v and_o heat_n of_o they_o all_o my_o heart_n be_v up_o to_o god_n for_o a_o word_n of_o support_n who_o give_v it_o i_o in_o the_o word_n speak_v to_o joshua_n chap._n 1._o vers_fw-la 5._o repear_v by_o the_o apostle_n heb._n 13._o 5._o i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o upon_o my_o first_o reflection_n on_o this_o text_n i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o make_v of_o it_o nor_o understand_v that_o it_o be_v to_o my_o case_n but_o a_o while_n after_o be_v in_o company_n with_o a_o very_a eminent_a divine_a upon_o what_o occasion_n i_o know_v not_o now_o he_o sell_v into_o discourse_n upon_o that_o scripture_n and_o say_v that_o it_o be_v evident_a from_o the_o forego_n verse_n that_o that_o promise_n be_v by_o the_o apostle_n main_o intend_v to_o arm_v people_n against_o those_o worldly_a care_n that_o attend_v a_o marry_a life_n his_o word_n bring_v i_o to_o remembrance_n how_o it_o have_v be_v by_o the_o immediate_a voice_n of_o god_n whisper_v to_o i_o when_o i_o be_v exercise_v with_o those_o kind_n of_o distraction_n and_o i_o be_v surprise_v with_o such_o sudden_a comfort_n from_o it_o that_o though_o i_o say_v nothing_o my_o very_a look_n discover_v it_o to_o the_o party_n who_o inquire_v of_o i_o find_v the_o relation_n of_o it_o which_o now_o i_o make_v at_o another_o time_n be_v under_o the_o fear_n of_o many_o danger_n which_o i_o foresee_v i_o be_v like_a to_o meet_v with_o i_o be_v relieve_v by_o read_v if._n 48._o 17._o thus_o say_v the_o lord_n thy_o redeemer_n the_o holy_a one_o of_o israel_n i_o be_o the_o lord_n thy_o god_n which_o teachetâ—_n thou_o to_o profit_n which_o lead_v thou_o by_o the_o way_n which_o thou_o shall_v go_v hence_o god_n confirm_v i_o in_o the_o belief_n of_o his_o continue_a care_n over_o i_o in_o my_o wilderness_n walk_v and_o remove_v in_o some_o measure_n my_o torment_a fear_n at_o another_o time_n have_v fall_v under_o some_o afflict_a providence_n but_o what_o it_o be_v i_o have_v forget_v god_n direct_v i_o to_o look_v into_o the_o cause_n of_o it_o from_o isa_n 48._o 18._o o_o that_o thou_o have_v hearken_v to_o my_o commandment_n than_o have_v thy_o peace_n be_v as_o a_o river_n and_o thy_o righteousness_n as_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n this_o place_n be_v apply_v by_o i_o as_o a_o reproof_n for_o my_o carnal_a conversation_n and_o that_o not_o improper_o for_o i_o believe_v god_n teach_v i_o so_o to_o apply_v it_o though_o i_o conceive_v withal_o that_o it_o be_v original_o utter_v as_o a_o expostulation_n with_o those_o who_o pervert_v gospel-light_n and_o gospel-duty_n turn_v they_o into_o a_o covenant_n of_o work_n as_o the_o jew_n than_o do_v and_o as_o many_o nominal_a christian_n now_o do_v thereby_o forsake_v a_o spring_n of_o live_a water_n for_o a_o crack_a vessel_n or_o dirty_a puddle_n at_o another_o time_n i_o be_v serious_o pore_v upon_o myself_o and_o turn_v my_o thought_n upon_o the_o frame_n of_o my_o heart_n i_o observe_v such_o emptiness_n of_o grace_n such_o fullness_n of_o sin_n faint_v in_o my_o spirit_n i_o say_v within_o myself_o how_o can_v god_n take_v the_o least_o pleasure_n in_o so_o wretched_a a_o creature_n then_o be_v the_o say_n of_o david_n 2_o sam._n 23._o 5._o bring_v to_o remembrance_n although_o my_o house_n be_v not_o so_o with_o god_n yet_o have_v he_o make_v with_o i_o a_o everlasting_a covenant_n order_v in_o all_o thing_n and_o sure_a hence_o i_o collect_v that_o if_o david_n happiness_n of_o who_o god_n give_v so_o high_a a_o testimony_n depend_v on_o a_o everlasting_a well_o order_v covenant_n as_o the_o only_a basis_n of_o it_o