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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A01949	The ephemerides of Phialo deuided into three bookes. The first, a method which he ought to follow that desireth to rebuke his freend, when he seeth him swarue: without kindling his choler, or hurting himselfe. The second, a canuazado to courtiers in foure pointes. The third, the defence of a curtezan ouerthrowen. And a short apologie of the Schoole of abuse, against poets, pipers, players, [et] their excusers. By Steph. Gosson, stud. Oxon.	Gosson, Stephen, 1554-1624.	1579 (1579)	STC 12093; ESTC S105684	72,417	199

and sporte the deuils baites that honest recreation quickneth the spirites playes are venemous arrowes to the minde that hunters deceiue most whē seeming to walke for their delight they craftely fetche the deare about that players counterfaiting a shewe to make vs merry shoote their nettes to worke our misery that when Comedie comes vpon the stage Cupide sets vpp a Springe for VVoodcockes which are entangled ere they discrie the line and caught before they mistruste the snare They muste not thinke that I banishe recreation because I barre them the Souldier hath aswel a time to sleepe as to keepe Sentinel to rest his bones as to labour his body Iron with muche occupiying is worne too naught with little handeling gathereth rust Moderate sleepe refresheth man too much killeth him in time Therefore we must neither be laboured too muche for ouerloading nor loyter too long for making our selues vnapt to any thing Socrates left his study too play with children but not continually Cato layde awaye his Booke and drunke wine but not immoderately Scipio put of his armour and daunced to the Instrument but not wantonly Pollio Asinius the great Orator neuer carried in his Studie after tenne of the clocke nor redd any letters that were sent hym after that houre what haste soeuer they required but hee did not this too geue himselfe leaue too goe to Playes There are other good pastimes to bee founde if we be wylling too seeke them out When Seneca hath shewed Serenus all that he can to keepe the minde quiet and too restore it by exercise if it be idle or by recreation if it bee weary hee giueth him this Caueat in the ende for a parting blowe that all which hee hath set downe already or is able too write if neede require is not of forte strength enough too keepe so slender and weake a Houlde except wee enuiron the same our selues with a diligent forecast a dayly care Hee that thinkes wanton playes a meete recreation for the minde of man is as farre from the trueth as the foolishe Gentiles which beleeue that theyr gods delight in toyes and wee whiche carrie our money too Players too feede theyr pride may be wel compared to the Bath keepers Asse which bringeth him woode too make his fire and contenteth himself with the smell of the smoke It is a great folly in vs too seeke too liue in those places that are healthie too the body not flie from those that are hurtfull too the soule and as harde a matter for him too be cured that knoweth not the griefe wherwith he is troubled Senecaes wife had a she foole called Harpastes which though she was sodenly stricken blinde coulde not bee perswaded that shee had lost her sight but iudged the house too bee some what darke In my opinion our Players are as bad as shee though they do not perceiue their owne abuses yet will they not say they haue lost theyr eyes but that theyr lippes hang in theyr light or else they are ouerspread with a Cloude And worse then those that confesse themselues blinde for they wyl yeelde themselues too bee led these had rather lye in the Chanell then leane too a guide I neuer yet read of that abuse which founde not some too excuse the same so wicked and euill disposed are wee that wee defende our vices because wee loue them and had rather excuse them than shake them of Ocrina caught a priuy clap was deliuered of Seruius Tullius yet some of her friendes dyd cloke the faulte saying that the childe was got with a sparke of fier which peraduenture bredde such winges in time that it flewe out of the Bastardes heade in a flame Our players since I set out the Schole of abuse haue trauailed to some of mine acquaintance of both Vniuersities with fayre profers and greater promises of rewardes yf they woulde take so much paine as too write agaynst mee at laste like to Penelopees suters which seeing themselues disdained of her were glad to encroche with some of her maides when neither of both Vniuersities would heare their plea they were driuen too flie to a weake bedge and fight for themselues with a rooten stake Beggars you know muste bee no chosers hunger sau●eth euery meate when fishers lay theyr hookes in haste Frogges will make a sauory dishe It is tolde mee that they haue got one in London to write certaine Honest excuses for so they tearme it to their dishonest abuses which I reuealed It is good for him that will falsifie psctures not to let them see the liuely creatures that are desirous to view his worke neither is it conuenient for him too present his excuse to any of those that haue read my schoole and behelde those abuses in playing places least their eyes reprooue him for a lyar How he frames his excuses I know not yet because it is doone in hudder mudder Trueth can neuer be Falsehods Vtsarde whith maketh him maske without a torch keepe his papers very secret I will not deny but something may bee probably disputed in their cause by sharper wittes whiche is such foode as slaketh your hunger for a season yet will it not breede good bloode nor fleshe nor liuely spirites but bloweth you vp and makes you swell and turnes to corruption in the ende Patroclus may iette in Achilles armour but hee dares not meddle with Peleus Dart. What cloke soeuer this Excuser weares maugre his teeth he must leaue the trueth and strike with a Strawe when hee comes to the fielde Let him speake what hee liste in Players cause he shall find them shaken with a woondrous Feuer throwe fetherbeds on them they are neuer the warmer and all his excuses shall stande for perfumes which faintly set them vpon their feete that grouell in the dust with the falling sicknesse but cannot deliuer them of their disease If the Excuser be the man that is named to me hee is as famous a Clarke as Clauitius Sabinus which was so troubled with a grosse conce●te and as short a memory that euery minute he forgote the names of Vlisses Achilles Priamus and such as he knew as well as the Begger his dishe beeing very familiar with them and dayly conuersant in their cōpany yet many times he saluted the one by the others name And because his mashippe would seeme learned he heyred him seruauntes with great stipendes of which one had Homer without Booke another Hesiod and nine Fidlers heads to make him an Index of euery one of them taking some seuerall names of his acquaintance too bee remembred When this Gentleman had got so profounde a Familie hee began very friendly to feaste his acquaintaunce in the middest of theyr dishes out slewe his Poetrie for his Pypers were ready too rounde him in the eare what hee should speake but his luck was so ill or his hearing so thicke that he stuck fast continually in the midst of his verse and could goe no farther Crassus had such a roring throte that he was cōstrained whē soeuer he declaimed to haue a piper at his elbow to giue him his tune and keepe him in compasse If it bee my fortune too meete with the learned woorkes of this London Sabinus that can not playe the Poet without a Prompter nor vtter a wise worde without a Piper you shall see we will make him to blush like a blacke Dogge when he is graueled or to dance you a Galia●de when he takes his keye In the meane time my aduantage is the greater that Players haue chosen such a Champion as whē I giue the Allarm winnowes his weapon when I run with a staffe chargeth a Bulrushe when I spare not to greete them with poulder shot answeares mee againe with a false fire I was determined to send you greater matters touching the saleable toung of Curio but I stay my hande till I see his booke when I haue perusd it I will tel you more Meane while I beseech them to looke to their footing that run ouershooes in al these vanities lest they be swallowed without recouery and wishing to my Schoole some thriftyer scholers to Players an honester occupation and to their Excuser a better minde I take my leaue FINIS Stephan Gosson Coelo tegitur qui non habet vrnam A Libell ca●● out against the Schoole of abuse Orat. pro Caelio Socrates able to teach nothing because hee knew nothing Want of rewarde the death of learning Dion Pl●● Dion Plut. Dion A tempore● Dion A personae Quinque modis Orat. pro. Caeli● King Richards three daughters banished the Courte 〈◊〉 Oratio pro Rose Amer. Ab 〈◊〉 Epist● ad Tho. Archiep. Ebor. Virgil. 〈◊〉 Courtier Learning in Court. A quicke child-bed Minerua bredde in Iupiters brane A Courtier without learnning Oratio ad Demo●●cum Salust Dion Liberalitie in Court. Natures two daughters 〈◊〉 1. The Courte is the treasure-house of preferment Plato Plu. Salust Courtiers apt scholers to Tullies precepts Orat. pro Mar. Marcello Aristotle Lactantius A strang inchauntment Lib. 6. de vero 〈◊〉 cap. 10. Man borne to doe good Mans societie according to Philosophers Definition of Curtesie L●net 6. de cu●tu cap. 11. True Loue. Dion ●●●phon Poore Philosophers A strange kinde of begging The three Graces Lib. de benefitiis 1. Flatterers too be driuen from Courte They which ●●edite flatterers are compared to brasen pottes Religion in Court. Com. in Eth. li. 3. cap. 13. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈…〉 Esay 49. 1. Tim. 2. Ministers Iud. vlt. Iosu 1. Alexanders counterfeite Man according to olde Poetes and Philosophers Orat. pro. Roscio Amerino ●eery beating Nutriens simile nutrito Strabo Pli. Lacrtius Cureus Aphoris Beautiful faces are vertues buddes Mores animi sequuntur temperatura corporis Max. Tyr. Solus animus de animo iudicas Philotimo troubled with a suffusion Somnium Vigilantis Cureus de Sens lib. 1. cap. 36. Louers dreames Definition of Pleasure Vertue ameth not at pleasure No differeuce betweene man and beast Dion 〈…〉 est quisque The difference betweene man and beast Womens pride Xiphilinus Womens behaniour Ouid. Women better lost then founde Two pathes Seneca Imprinted at London at the three Cranes in the Vinetree by Thomas Dawson 1579.

Swoorde the wanton inquireth for a glasse And I knowe that in Bookes as in open fieldes euery man pursueth that game that he lyketh best a noble minde wil chase the Hart but fooles pick Dasies if they may find them Therfore if idle Drones assayle me let them know that I shewe no sporte for them my desire is to seeke out meate for manly stomackes I haue seene what Cankers shoote alofte where amorous toyes are dayly sowen He that troubleth the Springe where you shoulde drinke may be turnd to a Frog if Iuno frowne Such as flatter the Reader with vaine delightes beare the shape of a monster in their heartes and are to be fled as dangerous shelues Those stormes that forbid vs to shoot into harbor ar more to bee feared then those that discourage vs too hoyst our sayle and those discourses are worst of all that hinder our passage when we trauell home seeke for the ende in which we shoulde rest As I write not this for mine owne behoofe to iustifie that which I do my selfe of too spurne at other that haue gone before mee So I hope you will take it for a lawfull excuse that I write not so loosely as some desire I haue bin requested by some of my friendes to take longer time and encrease my volume wherein I perceiue they vnderstande not that the Countrieman casteth his seede very thin yet findeth his barnes to be filled by them That the spirite of man in the straightest Trumpet hath greatest sound blowne through a barrel makes no noyse But sith they had rather see their handes full of Paper then their heades full of knowledge I let them goe And trusting too the curtesie of you that are skilfull Gentlemen I haue performed my promise and discharged my handes giuen Phialo his pasporte and sent him to you Farewell Yours Stephan Gosson The Ephemerides of Phialo VARRO reporteth that they whiche did sacrifize to Hercules vsed continually before they began their Ceremonies to driue their dogs out of the citie And I think it necessary before I set downe the discourses of Phialo as the fruite of my trauell sacrificed heere vnto skilful Readers to whippe out those Doggs which haue barked more at mee for writinge the Schoole of Abuse then Cerberus did at Hercules for descending to Hell and haue laboured with the venom of their teeth to wound me deeper then that curst Curre which was the death of Licinius and the cause of a battaile wherein Hercules lost his brother Iphiclus It is not long since a friend of mine presented me with straunge newes out of Affrick requesting me earnestly to shape them an answere After I had vnfolded the Paper and found nothing within but guttes and garbage neither heart nor liuer nor anye good intrayles I called too minde the replie that Apelles made to a course Painter which brought him a coūterfait of his own drawing requesting his iudgment in the work Truely quoth Apelles hadst thou not tolde me it had bin thine at the first blush I would haue iudged it to bee doone in haste And had not the writer himself which sēt these newes into England reuealed his name to some of his friends by whō I hearde it I would haue iudged such a Daw to bee hatcht in Barbary the tydinges that came to be scribled in ●ost Cōmodus the Emperor cōming to Rome in the face of the whole senate begā with a graue coūtenance to declame When euery man loked for some weighty matter touching the gouernmēt of the cōmon wealth he fell to trifling told thē that riding abroad one day with his father who at that time was cast frō his horse himself alighted holy him out of the myre This Doctour of Affrike with a straunge kinde of style begins to write thus To his frinds the Plaiers to 〈◊〉 rare at the first like a perfect Orator he sittes down in his study lookes about for his bookes takes pen in his hand as manerly as he can breathes out this oracle from the threefootedstoole of Pythia Affrica semper aliquid apportat noui There is euer a new knack in a knaues hood or some kind of mōster to be sene in Affrik To which principle whē he thinketh he hath giuen sufficient light by the ioyning togither of sundry beastes his frends gaping for some strange cōceit to bring to the stage finde him to dally for with a tale of a tub he slippeth down presently into a dirtie comparison of a dutch Mule an english mare that ingendred an Asse to cast his foale quickly with a deuoute prayer to God to send players few asses many auditors he growes to conclusion behauing himself in his learned Paraphrase like Megabizus who came into Apelles shop began to talk of his shadows til the painter reproued him in this maner Hadst thou kepte silence O Megabizus I woulde haue reuerenced thee for thy gay coate now the worst boy that grindeth my coulors wil laugh thee to scorne And I if this Geographer had stayed his pen within the compasse of Affrike would haue read him with patiēce for the coūtries sake but now the least childe which is able to temper his ynke wil giue him a floute If Players get no better Atturnie to pleade their case I wil holde mee contented where the Hardest is harde too take Otes of yl debters in parte of payment Touching the frutefulnes of his Mule which is not agreeable vnto kinde because the coldenesse of seede killes the power of ingendering I coulde find him sporte by Philosophie if I were disposed to play with his nose or to caste any thinge but draffe to Swine But I intende not to aunswere him lest I kick with Cresiphon when my Mule win●eth As long as hee rayles he profites not as long as hee dotes hee hurtes not Let him say what he wil he shall not cut me Let him write what he please he shal not kill me and fauour him that list they shall not greeue me it is but kinde for a Cocke heade to breede a Combe and a rashe witte a rawe deuise Though the Mariner haue skill to gouerne his vessel it lyeth not in his cunning to calme the seas though the coūtriman know how to graffe an ympe his toile wil not alter the caste of the Crab Though my selfe haue learned to rule mine owne talke I can not snaffle the tounge of a Carper Notwithstanding the Sayler commeth safely to harbour though he be shaken The husbandman gathereth much pleasaunt fruite though his Wylding bee sower And I haue no doubte I shall please the wise though the malicious turne vpp their gall The same Solomon which forbiddes vs to aunsweare a foole in his follie lest we liken our selues vnto him chargeth vs sharpely to shewe him his faulte lest he seeme wise in his owne conceite Therefore I haue neither replyed to the writer of this Libel for loosing my time nor let him go scotfree for making him proude

mayster that leades vs to vertue Thus can I not deuise with my self Philotimo what it is that should mooue thee too triumph so much in thine owne conceit because thou art rather an Athenien then a Theban a Tuscan then a Bargamaske as though all were learned that came from Athens or all ignorant that dwelt at Thebes or all Courtiers that are bredde in Tuscanie or all Carters that are borne in Bargamaske But moste of all I woonder howe thou canst possibly sucke any fruite from my studies which are very small because I haue loytered stenderly grounded through want of abilitie Sith thou hast likened me to Socrates whose Nihil scio is confirmed by Arcesilas Zeno Empedocles Anaxagoras and the whole rabble of them which pulled out our eyes that wee mighte not see and taught vs to wander in the darke giuing no credite to their senses but doubting continually whether Snowe were white or the Crowe black I might ripp vp that controuersie of the Academikes and the Peripatetikes and shew thee by reason that I knowe nothing to driue thee off from the thinge which thou longest to heare Which if I should doe and dote in those thinges that I dayly see I am fully perswaded when I call for a Booke Philotimo woulde presentlye giue me a Brickbatte to make me distinguish a Stacioners shoppe from a Stone wall Therefore acknowledging my self to be made of a soule and of a bodie the one deriued from Heauen the fountaine of Knowledge the other from Earth the seate of ignoraunce I am driuen too confesse that I neither knowe all thinges which belongeth too GOD nor am ignoraunte in all thinges which is proper too Beastes but am perfecte in some thinges vnskilfull in other which life is onely peculiar to man This doctrine is taught by Aristotle approued by Foxius layde open by Tully and soundely discoursed by Lactantius Whose arguments Philotimo I wil not alledge because I see the ignorant which neuer redde them will not vnderstande them the learned which knowe them already will not regarde them And thy selfe I perceiue art more desirous to heare such thinges as are profitable to reforme manners than suttle to stirre vp discention in schooles The greatest thing that at this time thou desirest to knowe is onely this Which way thou mightest behaue thy selfe to rebuke thy friende in his fault without offence A busie prouince no doute for a simple witte and suche a burden as Hercules might refuse There are many good Scholers and grounded Philosophers in Sienna whose shoulders would better become this taske yet seeing all men to looke for greater thinges at their hands because of their knowledge than they are willing to shew when they are flightly rewarded they had rather content them with a priuate life then take so much paine for so little thanks But if I which may not compare with them neither in learning for I am young nor in iudgement for I am rawe chaunce to swarue in my penne through wante of reading lay the fault to my youth pardon my folly I desire no more recompence for my trauell A little streame serues to driue a light Mill and a lea●e fee is fitte for a lazie Clarke Therefore sith thou requirest whose friendshipp I cannot forget thou commaundest whose authoritie I will not resiste I meane to prosecute that which I first began not as chefest of al men that with greatest grauitie but chosen by thy selfe that with smallest ieoperdie might shew my mind nor that thou shalt find me as plentiful as Amaltheaes horne to yeeld thee what fruit soeuer thou crauest but that in this vacant time wherein your affayres are little my businesse lesse you frō the Court I from the Vniuersitie bothe idle the day slipe not away without some profite Diogenes thought it necessary for vs in this life to haue either good friendes or great enemyes they neuer cease to exhorte vs to vertue these are stil searching for a hole in our garmentes Therefore when one perceiuing the Greekes to bee subdued and the Carthaginiens vtterly ouerthrowen boldely pronounced that the Romanes were safe Nay quoth Scipio Nascica now is the time of our chiefest danger because we haue left vs neither friendes a broade whome we should follow nor foes of whom we should stand in feare Whereby thou maist see Philotimo howe requisite it is for vs in these dayes by one meanes or other to be tolde of our faults Euery man is desirous if he haue a blot in his paper or a botch in his verse or a stain in his cote or a spot in his face to heare of the same that for his owne credit he might amend it We are al willing to dresse our selues by a glasse that nothing about vs stād awry yet are we also blinde of affection so blunt of condition so waywarde of minde and so waspish of nature that wee cannot abide to heare of any wrinkle in our behauiour but if any man friendly admonishe vs of such● deformities we are straight at daggers drawing we flinge out of company wee chalenge the fielde and for his good will we rewarde him with hate To auoyde such a braule and to keepe thy friende to shew him his vice and to saue thy selfe to rebuke him for his manners and ye● winne his hart I haue alredy giuen the● a Caue at forbidding thee flatly to reprehend in ioy or in sorowe in mirth or i● misery in pleasure or paine And that I may the better imitate the course of nature which runneth à priuatione ad habitum from killing too quickening from death vnto life I will firste remooue the blocks out of thy way that thou stumble not and shewing thee what turnings betwixte this and thy iournyes ende muste be lefte to keepe thee stil in the righte way I thinke it best to vnfolde vnto thee as plainely as I can what thou shalt flie in reproouing thy friend that I may the easier teache thee heereafter what thou shalt followe As our friendes are not to be rebuked when they are pleasaunt nor when they are dumpish so are they not likewise to be touched in Company nor in Choler nor Continually nor in a brauery nor when our selues are as bad as they In Company because we loath to he taunted before them of whom we desire to be well lyked When Aristomenes the scholemaister of King Ptolome saw the king sleepe before certaine Ambassadors with rebukes awaked him in their presence he gaue occasion to flatterers to picke a thank in his Maiesties quarrell who incensed him so farre with the remembraunce of that reproch that they caused him streighte to enforce his Maister to drinke his laste draught in a Cup of poyson Tiberius which succeded Augustus in the Empire of Rome and withhelde the legacie which Augustus by Testament had giuen to the people perceiuing one round a dead coarse in the eare called the man and demaunded the cause why he did so To whom the

her from loosnesse of liuing and saue her soule But I finde her soo fraught with Philosophie and full of shiftes that I carry away the woorste ende of the staffe Therfore let me craue your cōpanyes a-againe too morrowe I will send for her home to my-house too dinner try hom she is able to match with you Phialo I like your weapons order of fight so well that I haue no doubt you will ouercome Certes saide he I was neuer Leontinus Gorgias scholer too dispute any question on the sodaine yet if I may haue the trueth on my side little studie shall serue me too wrastle with women Thus bringing Ieraldi backe to his house with many great thankes for theyr entertainment they tooke theyr leaue till the next day VVhat eyther Ieraldi did in theyr absence or they when they were returned too theyr lodging is the leaste parte of my meanyng too touche because I haue taken this onely vpon me too shewe the fruite of Phialoes conference among his friendes ¶ The third booke the defence of the Curtezan and her ouerthrowe WHEN the daye was come according too their promise Philotimo Phialo want to the house of Ieraldi at dinner time where they found the gentlewoman him in sober talke Ieraldi entertained them friendly and requested Signiora Polyphile to do the like who behaued her selfe so demurely in presence that they could not iudge her counterfatte by stampe or by sounde Therefore Philotimo boldly stepte somewhat nigher and like a young Courtier ministred talke on so smal acquaintance as farre as he might with honor and modestie But Phialo keeping himselfe aloofe as one that had taken a Crowe too pull stoode at one side tyll Ieraldi had placed them all at the Table Duryng the time of the Dinner Philotimo dypt not his finger so ofte● in the dishe as hee fastened his eyes vppon Polyphile Ieraldi perceiuing the gentleman come to his bias told her that Philotimo was deeply bound vnto her whose countenāce seemed too feede him better than any of those dishes that were brought too the table To whom the Gentlewomā with blushing cheekes and a softe speech replyed thus You know Sir Ieraldi that Philosophers are alwayes of this opinion that the thing which nourisheth must euer be like vnto that which is nourished and the nourished thing to the nourisher Therefore the Chameleon which liueth by ayre hath nothing within but lightes and loungs Then if this Gentlemās stomack agree better with my face then with your cheere my sauce than your ●reate there must needes bee a Sympathy betweene his lyking and my lookes And what are the lookes of a woman but shadowes on which if this Gentleman feede so fast I shall take him hencefoorth for a shape without substance It were strange said Philotimo too heare shadowes speake or to see shapes without substance moue of them selues But sith you haue shewed your self a philosopher giue me leaue by Philosophie to make you an answere Some writers holde this opinion that there lieth a kind of people at the riuer Ganges which are called 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 men without mouthes These are nourished with the sauour of flowers Democritus for sorrowe of his sisters mishap going aboute too famish himselfe was releeued three daies with the smel of new breade Oribasius protesteth that he knew a Philosopher in his time which liued a while by the sente of honie And Melancthō is said to affirme that a Lecher in Germanie condemned too pine vnto death for his offence was susteined a longe time in prison with the smoke of broiled meates to prolong his daies in greater misery Sūdry Philosophers take peper in the nose fall out with Aristotle for standing so stifely in his owne conceite that he wil not haue men to be nourishe with odoures For Hippocrates and Galen boldly pronounce that the patient consumed is soonest restored againe by sauours What force there is in shadowes you may perceiue by those that gaze vpon excellent pictures so long that they haue no minde to their vitailes but are filled with delight by reading fine bookes we forget our selues and let goe our commons When we are busied in pleasāt pastimes the night ouertakes vs we know not how then iudge mee no more to be but a shew because I haue dived so wel with your shadow which is beter to me then the sauour of flowers the smel of new bread the sent of sweete honie the smoke of rost meat the view of faire pictures the bookes of my study or the pleasure of sportes Hippocrates deuiding the body men three partes the first grose and earthly our bones and fleshe the seconde liquide and watrie our blood and humors the third subtile ayrie which is our spirits affirmeth the laste too bee maintained by sauours And it shall bee sufficient for me to say that these dishes before vs doe nourish my bodie but too looke vpon you quickeneth my spirites and 〈◊〉 my minde If this will not serue to perswade you that I am somewhat more than a shape try when you please you shall finde me a substance At this Polyphile began to smile Ieraldi Phialo laughed in their sleeues till their heartes tickled At last euery thing being taken away Philotimo renewed his talke again and tolde them that if they iudged him to bee rebuked for his amorous gloating they were al to blame which quoth he I will shew you as well as I can The skilfull that beholde the Image of Minerua commende not the picture but the Paynter we extoll not so muche the tast of our meate as the Cookes cunning that seasoned it well no man esteemeth his coyne for the stamp but for the right metal when it comes to the touch And I wonder not so greatly at the beautie of this gentlewoman as at his workmanship that made the moulde neither doe I like her sweete face that glistereth without but loue her good qualitties that shine within The Sunne doth not onely comforte oure heartes with his light but foster our grai●e in the Earth with his warmth Riuers are cleere and fayre to beholde but they water the soyle make it fruitefull Tree● are bethwackt with blossoms in springe but those are the tokens of fruit to come Thus when I do gaze on a comely body I beholde with mine eyes the Garden of Vertue The Mariner no sooner espieth his Marke but hee knowes that he draweth very neere the lande Vlisses reioysed in the smoke of Ithaca but it was for the loue he bare to his countrie The Hunter singleth the fairest Deere but for the good meate he findes it to yeelde And Socrates followed the brightest countenaunce because he knew it to bee a true signe of Modestie Philosophers hold that the disposition of the minde agreeth with the constitution of the body whereby they iudged deformed creatures to haue some spot or other in their conditions writing many bookes

vpper hande howe ill good cookerie agrees with their queasie stomackes and how they had rather suffer destruction to ouertake them then seeke any meane to saue their soules It is the propertie of hony though it be sweete to torment those partes of the bodie that are infected such as are troubled with the Kings euil neuer taste it but they iudge it to be gall Therefore I wishe them al that feele me sharpe to consider whether it be to those that are sound or to such as I finde do norish filthe My Schoole of Abuse hath met with some enemies bicause it correcteth vnthristy Schollers Demosthenes orations smelt of sampe oyle because his candle burnt brightest when theeues were busiest They that are greeued are Poets Pipers and Players the first thinke that I banishe Poetrie wherein they dreame the second iudge that I condemne Musique wherein they dote the last proclaime that I forbid recreation to man wherein you may see they are starke blinde He that readeth with aduise the booke which I wrote shal perceiue that I touche but the abuses of all these When we accuse the Phisition for killing his patient we finde no faulte with the Arte it selfe but with him that hath abused the same Therefore let me holde the same proposition still which I sette downe before drewe out of Tully that ancient Poetes are the fathers of lies Pipes of vanitie and Schooles of Abuses Iupiter which was but a mortall man and almost a paticide that for greedinesse of the crowne droue his owne father Saturne out of his kingdome though hee were a cruell tyrant an vnnaturall childe an vsurping Prince an abhominable leacher as wicked a wretche as euer liued by Poets is made the king of gods Venus a notorious strumpet that lay with Mars with Mercurie with Iupiter with Anchises with Butes with Adones that taught the women in Cyprus to set vp a Stewes too hyre out them selues as hackne●es for gaine and that made her self as common as a Barbars chayre by Poets is placed for a goddesse in heauen Al these whome the Poetes haue called gods and goddesses for the most part were bastardes begotten in adulterie or very lewde liuers which had no soner defiled their beddes but they were snatchte vp to the skyes and made starres in so much that Iuno crieth out in Seneca Tellus colenda est pellices coelum tenent Le ts dwel in earth for heauen is full of whores what stuffe is this wantons in heauen a double diuinitie of he gods she gods If it be so I hope they will graunt me that in that place nothing ought to bee vayne if nothing be vaine they must liue together by couples like man and wife or holde the publique weale of Plato and make euery thing common If they liue together in lawfull marriage giue them houses to thē selues for lawfull encrease that all which they do be not seene in the market if they haue houses let them haue landes it is no reason they should be poorer then wee if they haue lande either lette it bee fruitfull of it selfe or giue them whippes in their handes and sende them like swaynes to plough and ●arte Bicause they are gods they neuer die bicause they are married they dayly multiplte for none can be so fruitfull as they thus neuer dying and euer encreasing some of them in time shall be driuen to dwell in the ayre some in the water some in the earth some in hell when house rome is scant for heauē will not hold so great a company If they bee fruitfull what is the reason that Iupiter getteth no more children ▪ doeth ●ee waxe olde or is Iuno barraine 〈…〉 afeard to gleane any longer of other 〈◊〉 corne least he be robbed of his own haruest Considereth he now 〈◊〉 good turne requireth another that hee which strikes with the sworde shal be beaten with the scabbarde If they make all common what are they better then brute beastes So grosse are the errours so great the abuses so horrible the blasphemies we finde in Poetes that wee may rather iudge them monsters of nature then men of learning Whilest they make Cupide trumphe in heauen and all the gods to matche bounde like ●●●serable captiues before his charriot they belie God and be witch the reader with bawdie charmes Whilest they enclose the power of their Gods in what compasse they please giuing Heauen to Iupiter Hel too 〈◊〉 the Sea too Neptune they forgett●● earth and leaue it too the rule of none 〈◊〉 al. Whilest they make many gods they ouerthrow euery god For if their gods bee of equal power no one of them cā doo any thing without his fellow and so none of them al may be called a god because God is perfect and almighty Being perfect he can neither be encreased nor diminished being almightie he hath no neede of the helpe of other What a confusion haue Poets brought whē thinking little that whatsoeuer is deuided may be destroyed they set all the gods togither by the eares some fighting for Troy some for the Greeks some for Aenaeas som for Turnus Saturne whō they affirmed to be god of time was a varlet that gelded his own Father afterwarde thrust out of his seate by his sonne Iupiter he was constrained to saue himselfe by flighte and a greate whyle liued obseurely in Italy Apollo was a buggerer and Schoolemaister of periurie Mars a murderer Mercury a theefe Castor Pollux whome they reporte to be twinnes growen in one body when they were rauishers of other mens wiues neuer mette within one payre of sheets Flora a curtezan that got infinite summes of money by sinne and gaue all to the Romans when she died by Poets is honoured for a goddesse of flowers Thus making gods of them that were brute beastes in the likenes of men diuine goddesses of common harlots they robbe God of his honour diminishe his authoritie weaken his might turne his seate to a stewes By writing of vntruthes they are open liers but if they do faine these frantike cenceates to resemble some what els that they imagine by speaking of one thing and thinking another they are dissemblers It is not enough for their freendes to say Lascina est nobis pagina vrta proba Our verse is wātō but our life is good Or Iuraui lingua mētem iniuratam gero My tōgue hath sworne my hart is free For players action doeth answere to their partes and Poets discourses to their maners yet are many of their Schollers so enchaunted that like the superstitious and foolishe Aegyptians they had rather lose their lyues then the Idols of their byrdes their beastes their Ibes their Adders their Dogges their Cattes their Serpents their Crocodiles Pypers are very sore displeased bicause I allow not their new 〈◊〉 and shew them how farre their instrumentes differ from those that were vsed in olde times they say their musique is perfecter nowe than it was before but who shal be