on her design and so improved it as she did for while too many place their divertisement in easing their Minds of the Cares of their ordinary Employments and as a Carnaval to gratifie their looser Fancies with freer Conversation displaying their gawdy Bravery Walking Dancing Gaming not to speak so severely as to say to drink Iniquity like Water without numbering either Draughts or Glasses She went I do not say at first with that Design but when Use and Experience had taught her the opportunity and satisfaction of that Practice as to a place of Privacy and Retirement to be vacant to God and her Spiritual Concernments which I hope I shall evince to be unquestionably true though it may seem a Paradox and next to Impossible Let me introduce this Narrative to render it more Intelligible with the Examples of two Fathers if I may so call them of two very different Churches Cardinal Bellarmine and Mr. Isaac Ambrose Bellarmine as Scholars well know was for many Years engaged and as we speak Proverbially over Head and Ears in deepest closest Studies in Reading and Disputing and Publishing his Controversies yet he reserved to himself a Month out of every Year his Dear September which he wholly spent in Devotion in Contemplation Prayer and such like Holy Exercises which immediately and solely respected the purifying and perfecting his own Mind and Heart and Saving of his Soul Mr. Isaac Ambrose who was I think a Non-conformist Minister though I cannot affirm it whose Works have sold so well both in Quarto and Folio his Prima Media ultima and his Looking unto Jesus Printed first in a large Quarto Volume and which was highly Commended to me by a very Learned Roman-Catholick and the devoutest Man I ever knew of that Communion This Mr. Isaac Ambrose though he was indefatigably Painfull in his Ministry all the other parts of the Year for the Souls of others yet in Autumn for a Month silenced or suspended himself if I may so phrase it which Month he spent most part in the Fields and Solitary Woods Places like Southburrow Canes or Mercers-Woods like Culverden Rusthall-Common Cuverly-Plain or Fant-Hill this is Tunbridge-Wells Language and the Places adjacent to the Wells which I have known almost a Wilderness though now become a kind of Pentapolis an Heap of Cities joined in one by such a Multitude of Commodious Sumptuous Houses And in these lonesome solitary retreating Places far from disturbing Noise or distracting sight of Men looking off all other Objects did he spend the days of this Month looking steadily to Jesus Conversing not so much as with Books if I remember right what I read so many Years ago and have not now by me to consult again in Meditation Contemplation Thinking and with intensest closest most fixed Application of his Mind to unseen and Coelestial things And what these two sequestred Months were to the above-named Fathers in their several ways was the Water-drinking Season to this good Daughter of the Church of England an Advantage as conducive to her Soul's Health and Vigour from the still Waters of the Vpper Springs as those of the Nether Springs were to the relief of her Body 'T is fit I should account for what I say which I will do when I have a little touched some Passages left by her own Pen which speak the Pious Sense she had of God as in all things so in the Tunbridge Journeys one or two Instances may suffice for this July 5. 1680. I went to London through the great Love and Care of my Dear Husband In order to my going to Tunbridge-Wells to drink the Waters I being not well my Dear Husband Self and Maid-Servant with us the Eighth of the said Month through God's Merciful Providence we came safe to Tunbridge and were well accommodated and stayed drinking the Waters six Weeks I hope with good Success with other Mercies there received 't was not the least that I there met with some of my choicest Friends Blessed be God for that his Favour to me and for all the rest We came Home August 21. where we were very welcome to our Family and Parish-Neighbours with much Expression of Kindness and found all well Praised be God July 16. 81. My Dear Husband with my Self and Child went from Home to go to Tunbridge-Wells on my Account to drink the Waters we lodged the first Night at Bromly next Night at Tunbridge Town not being certain of our Lodgings at the Wells But the next Day through God's good Providence we were received and accommodated where we were the Year before That Morning 18. My Husband and self drank the Waters and continued them twenty nine Days with good Success Thanks be to God for all the Mercy of that Journey and Place We returned August the 16th and came home the 18th found all well blessed be God and for Welcome of Neighbours and Friends Thus did she continually in all her ways acknowledge God This taste is enough Now to confirm what I affirmed before how she improved this Retreat and Retirement to Religious Purposes I know it is one of the most common Rules given to and received by Water-Drinkers to relax their Thoughts not to be Intent or over Serious not to Read or to apply their Minds closely to any thing during the time that they stay which Rule I fear is not so good as common nor needfull to be observed as easily believed through too much Propensity to Self-Indulgence for I never knew the Waters more beneficial to any than to my Dear Wife who never purchased the Success at the pâ—â—ce of losing so much Precious Time But on the contrary as that Month used to be at Home the most busie and interrupting time of all the Year by reason of Harvest and being Blest with Servants to whom we could and did intrust those Affairs without sollicitous Diffidence of their honest prudent Care and Diligence it was the quietest and most sedate and calm Vacancy which fell within the twelve Months Circle which she employed accordingly Being now free even from the moderate Cares of usual Inspection of her Family she rose at her constant Hour four a Clock and spent two hours or thereabouts with God then having begged a Blessing on them about Six began to drink her Waters Walking and Conversing with serious Christian Friends till she had finished that Day 's Waters and dined about one a Clock and sat an hour after in Converse The rest of the Day which was here free from Domestick Cares and Inspection and had no Diversion but receiving Visits which some Persons of Quality would condescend kindly to make her and of which she would repay with Civility as many in one day as she received in four or five she improved in Devotion Reading the Holy Scriptures and other usefull Books Meditation and secret Prayer and walking in a private commodious Walk which lay near our Lodgings which she much delighted in and called her Walk for the Convenience it
her God was pleased to give her much Honour and Esteem in this World with which she retained a lowly Mind with much sweet obliging Kindness to all acquainted with her She was very Friendly to the meaner sort very kind and charitable to poor People to whom she had a very compassionate Heart and bountifull Hand in relieving of them which she did with great Privacy though God hath been pleased since her Death to make it known by them in their Acknowledgments and bewailing their loss of her I bless God she lived very desirable and dyed much lamented she was a very loving dutifull Child to her Parents a very endearing Wife to her Husband and very sweet in all her Relations she was very acceptable to all her Husband's Kindred by whom the loss of her was much bewailed God was pleased to make her married condition very Satisfactory to herself and all concerned and though God was pleased to conclude it in so short a time taking her out of this Life scarce eleven Months from her Marriage which was accompanied with great Joy and Kindness of Friends yet God filled it with the close crouded manifestations of his Love and Favour to her yea her whole Life from her Cradle to her Grave to which she went with much Decency and Honour and which is much more valuable unblemished free from the gross defilements of this World The Lord was pleased to fit her for himself by a tender crazy Constitution of Body she was much afflicted with Head-Ach and other Illness which she bore with much quietness and submission under God's Hand by which he led her to the consideration of a better Life About four Years of Age on days of Prayer and Fasting she would sit by me the whole Day and at Prayer hold up her little Hands which in her riper Age with continuance from her Childhood she performed more understandingly She was constant in Religious Duties conversant in God's Word the Holy Bible which whilst she was a Child she oft read through and got much Scripture by Heart Also read many good Authors several good Books her Dear Father or my self commended to her which Practice she did not decline neither before nor since her Marriage She constantly at least twice a Day made her Addresses to the Throne of Grace in Prayer When she was very young she would give an account of a Sermon and repeat most of the Particulars or Heads of it and as she was religiously habituated from her Childhood I do humbly hope God confirmed her by his Grace to Perseverance in the Ways of God She would excite others not only in her own Practice but by her Counsels as to their Souls Concerns Amongst other her good Advices as her Dear Husband since her Death hath informed me she said to him ' That she did not question but he Prayed alone before he had her and said so did she and desired him to continue the same that one Prayer might not be lost by their Joint-Prayer which they used once a day going together alone to seek God besides publick and Family-Worship They oft said that nothing should more oblige them to each other than their mutual Love to each others Souls in their helping one another in their way to Heaven I bless God for his signal kindness to her in him so near and dear to her not only making them one Flesh but one Soul and both one Spirit in himself In the time of her Travail and following Sickness she was very Meek and Patient as in all her former Sicknesses and Pain The Disease took her Head which deprived her of her Understanding but I bless God that so guarded her Tongue that she did not dishonour him The Lord was pleased to give her some little relaxation of her Disease in which Intervals she exprest her self Piously And desired of her Relations the carefull and good Education of her Child said she had oft begged of God in the behalf of her Relations by Marriage and for those who were not disposed of that God would fix them so as might be their best advantage both for Soul and Body and desired there might continue a Loving Respect between both Families which I do beseech God to preserve Her Disease did not give her leave to express herself as otherwise she might have done much more to God's Glory and the Comfort of her Friends But Blessed be God for his Grace bestowed on her that her Evidences for her Eternal Happiness were not to seek upon her Dying-Bed but were in the safe Hand of our Saviour and sealed with the Signet of God's Right-hand with an indelible Character and Inscription of God's Holy Image and Law on her Heart by his Holy Spirit as a Title to those Eternal Mansions of Glory purchased for her with the precious Blood of her dear Redeemer Jesus Christ in which Blessed Estate I humbly hope she is in the Everlasting Fruition and Enjoyment of God his Elect Angels and those Blessed Spirits of the Just made perfect Her Flesh also shall rest in hope of a glorious Resurrection when Mortality shall be swallowed up of Immortality God will joyn Soul and Body in an indissoluble Union with himself in that abundant Entrance into the Everlasting Kingdom of our Lord Jesus Christ so shall she be for ever with her Lord in thy Eternal Praises In which Persuasion good Lord quiet my Heart that I may acquiesce in thy unerring Wisdom Good Lord scatter the Foggs and Mists of my unruly Passions that hinder the sight and view of thy reconciled Face and Favour to me I beseech thee Pardon my Sins and Offences which have provoked thee to this manifestation of thy displeasure against us bereaving us of our Children that of eleven none remains and of this the loss more grievous than any of the rest though they with her through thy Kindness very desirable to us but she our last one and all Lord shouldst thou take my Forfeitures how destitute should I be not only of Children but of all thy sustaining Mercies and above all in the irreparable loss of thy self who art abundantly better to me than Sons and Daughters Good Lord sanctifie to me this Dispensation and help me to find out the accursed thing which provoked thee to smite with so heavy a Blow I beseech thee with this correcting Hand beat off the busie Flies of Sin and Temptation that they may not corrupt my Soul Good Lord cleanse me from all filthiness of Flesh and Spirit that I may perfect Holiness in thy Fear run with Patience the Race thou hast yet set before me finish my Course in thy Service and conclude my Life in this World to thy Glory in the Salvation of my Soul for Christ's Sake Lord as for my self I beg of thee to be very Gracious to those related to us by the Marriage of our Dear Child though thou hast loosed the Knot that so nearly joyned our Families I beseech thee do not untie those
wisely and gravely admonish them of the Evil telling them that Modesty was a Womans Ornament and Guard of Chastity which would seldom or never be attempted did not some lightness or unwary Carriage embolden those who did assault it and the Flames which scorched the Female-Honour were mostly kindled by Sparks of their own striking SECT XVI Visitations by Sicknesses on our selves or Children and Death of some of them THough there was not one of these which she hath not Recorded yet I shall touch but few of them she being always the same under the like Dispensations all of a Piece I am very sensible how little others are concerned to be acquainted with God's particular Dealings towards so private and obscure Persons yet her affectionate Tenderness her devout Addresses to God her Faith in dependance upon him her meek Submission to him her silent Acquiescence under them and the Supports God vouchsafed her in such Tryals I think may be useful to other Women Wives and Mothers in like Tryals which is the end for which I write the whole I have given one Instance of her Behaviour in one of my Sicknesses and could add many more in all which she manifested no less endearing Love to me nor less fervent Addresses to God in time of my Danger or Pious and enlarged Praises upon my Recovery December 1660. After Lying-in she had a long and sore Sickness of which she thus writes I acknowledge to the Praise of God that in this Sickness I had many Manifestations of the Love of God in his People besides the very great Care and most endearing Love of my Husband so exceedingly exprest to me Most were much concerned for me and were great Sollicitors at the Throne of Grace in my behalf I bless God that did not suffer my strong Enemy to Triumph over me though he impetuously assaulted me for greater is he that is for me than he that is against me I remember that in this Sickness which held me long and brought me very low that almost a quarter of a Year I had one or two to watch with me every Night in which as in other long Sicknesses I was never unprovided but had the continued readiness of Friends to me or mine in their Attendance and Help for which I bless God A plain Neighbour a poor Woman came to see me and with much Joy seeing me out of my Bed told me she never awaked in the Night but she Prayed for me and according to her plain Expression said that I had as many Prayers as if I were a Queen Good Lord shower down the Blessing of Prayer upon my Soul God's good Providence has been such to me that with other signal Mercies I cannot chuse but express his kindness to me in restraining the Smoaking of a Chimney in a Chamber which was most convenient for me at my Lyings-in and in times of Sickness which at other times when I have had little use of it hath been very subject to Smoak but then it never annoyed me how fantastick this may seem to any yet I bless God for it who compasseth me about with loving Kindness and tender Mercies My Daughter Margaret had a long Quartane Ague about the Year 1663. which held her three Quarters of a Year We used several Medicines but they proved ineffectual but by God's Providence a very holy good Man my very choice good Friend a great support to me in my Afflictions came to see us and advised me to the use of Matthews's Pill My good Friend help'd me to weigh out twenty Grains for twice taking which had so good effect that after the first she took she had not the least Symptom of a Fit which before was very afflictive I bless God for the Mercy and verily believe the benefit was more from the Prayers of the good Man than from the Medicine which hath been used oft by others and not had the like success In the Year 1667. my Daughter Margaret had a most dangerous Fit which exceedingly surprized me with great Fear The more because my Husband was a Mile or two from home She was suddenly taken with most violent Vomitting viscous green and black Matter and so sick withal as if she would have died presently She Vomited tough Flegm like Grissels with which I thought I saw digested Worms which Matter I believe was contracted by her long Quartane We could not tell the certain occasion of her ilness but feared it might be the giving her some Mercurius Dulcis which having been kept long was grown Crude again But whatever it was we hope it contributed much to her future health through the over-ruling Goodness of God for the abundance of corrupt Matter which came away must needs have been very prejudicial to her if it had been retained O Lord I bless thee who can'st and dost bring Good out of those Evils which are most affrighting and disquieting to us I beseech thee with this and all other thy providential Dispensations to her quicken and excite her to a thankfull Acknowledment of thy Mercies in an Holy Life and her future dependance and trust in thee Such devout and gratefull Improvements did this holy Woman constantly make on all God's Providences towards her self and others Which I humbly and heartily pray they may kindle in all who read them in the like circumstances to themselves and theirs which is the only reason of my transcribing them The next afflictive Providence I shall take notice of having past by many is the Sickness and Death of her Daughter Mary which she sets down more largely than usually with the circumstances which attended it I shall shorten it what I can retaining the substance because it may be usefull to provoke Children of the same Age to an early sense of Piety My sweet Child and dearly beloved Daughter Mary a sweet tender hearted obedient Child of great Prudence and early Piety and exemplary Inclination to the knowledge of God and concerns of a better Life she fell suddenly ill of a Sore Throat Jan. 17. 1669. and after four Days ilness sweetly fell asleep in Jesus Christ Jan. 21. She was Six Years and a quarter old when she departed this Life She was of a quick apprehension an even temper chearfull but serious of a pretty presence not bold but of an innocent confidence a sweet composure of Love and Humility of such Generosity she would not lye I do not know that ever she spake an untruth she was Religious she coveted the best things much loved her Books and when she read got most of it by heart Psalms and divers Scriptures which when rehearsed to others she would repeat so sententiously that thereby might be discovered the affections of her Heart and Soul in the love of God's Word Half a Year before she dyed she would scarce give her self the liberty of her meals but would be taken down from Table if she might to get to her Book and would by Candle-light sit reading by me an hour
through thy Grace I loath O blessed Lord and enter my solemn Protest against them Defiance and Detestation of them Good God I would not have an irreverent thought of thy sacred Being incomprehensible and most excellent Perfection and transcendent Glory which I would and do with my whole Heart Soul and all the Powers of my whole Man with all integrity acknowledge and subscribe to with mine own Hand to which O Lord I beg the Seal of thy Spirit as a Witness to my Soul that I am in Christ Jesus thy Child and Servant Elizabeth Walker Engaged I am O Lord by Covenant with thee in Baptism to fight thy Battels I beseech thee put on me that whole and compleat Armour that I may be able to resist my strong Enemies which war against my Soul and fight against thee Blessed Lord I desire to prostrate my self at thy Feet in the deepest sense of my own Unworthiness that thou shouldest look upon and help such a Miscreant and forlorn Sinner But for his sake that never sinned I beseech thee support me with thy compassionate Mercy to me a loathsome and defiled Sinner and give me not over to spiritual Judgments hardness of Heart blindness of Mind Impenitency an evil Heart of Unbelief departing from thee Give me not up into the Hands of them that hate me and would work my Ruine I beseech thee do not chuse my Delusions leaving me to a deceivable Heart to which I dare not trust without the Guards of thy Holy Spirit Leave me not O God to my own strength in which I cannot doe the least good and without thine shall fall into the greatest evils of Soul and Body and sink to the bottom of the bottomless Pit of Sin and eternal Misery from which O God I beseech thee let thy unfathomed Mercy in Christ Jesus speedily prevent me and give a mortal stab to all my Corruptions by what Course soever thou wilt take with me only let me fall into thy Compassionate Hands Good Lord bind up my Wounds and heal my Putrifying Soars I beseech thee forsake me not in the time of my older Age when Strength faileth and suffer not the defects of my Body to become the Sin of my Soul I beseech thee suffer no Tryal to be above my Strength but Blessed Lord thou that hast suffered being Tempted make a way for me that I may be able to bear it I beseech thee lay that Hand on me thou tookest hold on Peter with that I may not sink in the deep Waters in which there is no standing Good Lord suffer no Weapon formed against me to Prosper but bring me up out of my Astonishments and Confusions of Soul though the Enemy break in like a Flood let thy Holy Spirit in my Heart lift up a Standard against him Good Lord take a full Possession of my Soul and suffer no Rival with thee let me be guided governed and acted by thee Good Lord let no Sin have Dominion over me I beseech thee fill my Heart and Soul with the Graces of thy Blessed Spirit Deep Reverentialness of thee much Love Fervour and Zeal for thy Glory which I beseech thee cause to be ever very and exceeding dear and precious to me and suffer not the Envenomed Arrows of my Enemy to stick on me but I beseech thee quench all those Fiery Darts the Poison of them drinketh up my Spirits Good Lord apply to my Soul that healing Balsam made of the Blood of the Son of God and with an Indelible Character let thy Law be written on my Heart O Blessed God Father Saviour Sanctifier I beseech thee make this the transcript of my Soul in an Holy Life in Submission and Obedience to thee in all things with all possible Adoration Thanksgiving and Praise unto thee O Lord most due in Heaven and on Earth to which I say Amen Amen Amen She Read also all the good Books with intentest Diligence she could enquire out or be informed of on this Subject and wept Buckets of Tears to quench those Fiery Darts which though she had an Excellent Eye brought her many Years since to the use of Spectacles and caused her oft to use the Psalmist's Expression My Eye is Consumed because of Grief and waxeth Old because of my Enemy And would often Pray that her Bodily-Infirmities might not be her Souls Dis-advantages and say That though they were not her Sins they were the Effects of them Thus was her Life a continual Warfare in which she fought the good Fight of Faith and was more than Conqueror through him that loved her and helped her and I am comfortably upon good Grounds persuaded hath received a glorious Crown of Righteousness from him whose Appearance she so heartily Loved and so constantly and earnestly waited for Her Warfare is accomplished and she rests from these and all her Labours and as she overcame in his Strength who taught her Hands to War and Fingers to Fight and covered her Head in the Day of Battel so to him be all the Glory and Eternal Praises Amen Amen SECT XVIII Friends she used to Pray for I Subjoyn to the Precedent an Account of another Paper which as the last abovenamed I found in a distinct Sheet with this Title A Catalogue of Christian Friends whom I desire in a peculiar manner to present in my poor Prayers to God at the Throne of his Grace and that God would doe for them for Soul and Body above what I can ask Then follows this Prayer GRacious God thou hast commanded to Pray for all Men but especially for the Houshold of Faith Lord thou never saidst Seek my Face in vain but hast with great Condescention and Encouragement Invited thy People to make their Addresses to thee for themselves and others And hast joyned with the Command thy Promise to hear and grant agreeable to thy Will what is best for us Lord thou givest Liberally and dost not upbraid and wilt not send thy People away Empty seeing thou always hast it plentifully by thee I come unto thee in the Name and for the Sake and alone Righteousness Merits and Mediation of thy Son and my alone Saviour Jesus Christ in the behalf of my Self and Christian Friends Lord I beg of thee for thy Church and peculiar People and by name present before thee some known to me my Christian Friends them and their Joynt-Relations Good Lord shower down on them the Blessings of Prayer Gracious God I do beseech thee extend thy choicest Favours to my most near Relations my Dear Husband my Dear Grandson his Father and his Relations with my other near Relations Good Lord be very gracious to our Neighbouring Ministry Mr. Alchorne Mr. Hublon Mr. Loe Mr. Arrowsmith Doctor Fuller Mr. Siday with the rest Lord give them the Plentifull Encrease of their Labours the ingrafting many Souls into thy Kingdom And be very gracious to those who have known my Soul in Adversity and have been earnest Petitioners in my behalf at thy Throne of
God with humble earnest Supplication which may help ward off the Blow which may fall heavy on the Churches God will set his Mark on the Mourners in Zion and will hide them in the Day of his fierce Anger that the destroying Angel shall not hurt them I have much wondred at the diverting of Judgments but I fear the longer God bears with and the higher his Hand is lifted up the more weighty will it be when it falls But to withhold it Pray Pray the fervent Prayer of the Righteous prevails much oft puts God to a Mercifull Retreat when in his provoked Anger he is going forth against a Nation or People Oh! but they must be clean Hands that lay hold on him that is of purer Eyes than to behold Iniquity Good Mr. Ph. beware of warping from the streight Rule of God's Word by which every Man's Work must be tried it will be your best Preservation in Evil times if God should call you out to bear Witness to his Truth which to decline may cause God to lead you forth with the workers of Iniquity therefore the Psalmist Prays that Integrity and Vprightness may preserve him the Vpright are God's Delight I remember the Inscription on Abraham's Shield was Vprightness to which was annexed against all Fears that might shake his Faith God that can compensate and make up all that his People can lose or suffer for him in this World promised that he would not only be his Shield but his exceeding great Reward which Promise Moses eyed on good Consideration making the best choice to acquit Courtly Pleasures and Preferments he well knew they would last but for a short Season he took his Happy Lot with God's People to suffer Affliction rather than Sin Happy he though he passed through a barren Wilderness in which God often proves his People whether they will be content to wave the things of this Life to possess a better Inheritance than an Earthly Canaan those durable Riches prepared for those who are accounted Worthy of which Blessed Number good Lord grant good Mr. Ph. you may be found Then after twenty Lines of a Business which concerned himself written with much Wisdom Kindness and Faithfulness which I pass over She proceeds I am sure I do heartily desire your Welfare in this Life and Godliness being sought in the first place the good things of this World as may be good for you may be added to you The Promises are conditional 't is a hard thing to be a good Christian not easie to be a good Minister which not to be are the worst of Men and will find the severest Account for their own and others Souls over whom God hath placed them Watchmen and Over-seers of the Flock of Christ for which Work I am persuaded the Grace of God bestowed upon you shall not be in vain My Friend excuse this Freedom I have used to you from Plenary Affection I confess it Impertinent to suggest to you who are so much more knowing and conversant with Books especially that which excells all others the Holy Scriptures from which you may be furnished to every good Work for Doctrine and Life I have sent you a Book more worthy your acceptance for the Author's sake than mine I commend him to you as a Pattern of a strict holy Life so conformable to our Saviour's he was always doing good read look on him and doe likewise I am sensible of the Trouble given you by a long Letter therefore no more but to subscribe my self as indeed I am good Mr. Ph. Your truly Loving and Affectionate Friend Elizabeth Walker Sept. 19. -- 83. A Second Letter to the same Person Of which I will omit much to prevent being tedious and I fear this concluding Paragraph may seem too long My good Friend Mr. Ph. I Truly would as may be acceptable and my capacity reach not be wanting in real Friendship the like very gratefull to me The reminds of a future Estate which is the greatest concern we have to mind in this Life which if neglected the Errour cannot be retrieved Oh how vigilant should I be my Enemy is so One Soul is more worth in the Estimation of our Saviour than the whole World the price hath made the purchase so Oh! that I could better improve my little remaining time the Talent my Lord hath intrusted me with that I may not be idle or worse found in the works of darkness He that had least was accountable therefore shall not I be excusable from my little measure As the Eyes of Servants are to their Masters for their Work as well as Wages so must mine be to him for his Assistance and Help that of his own he may receive But where God gives much he requires the more Good Mr. Ph. God hath committed to your trust more than to a private Capacity in Abilities and Advantages placed you a Steward over his Houshold you are strictly required to be Faithfull Be so that God may reward and crown your Labours in his Service with that that far excells the fading Diadems of this World which puts a Lye in our right-hand promiseth its prostitutes more than it hath to give Be not deceived it is Vanity and Lyes your Work is Wages It was our Saviour's Meat and Drink He told his Disciples so when he was about his Father's Work not only in his publick Ministry in which he was constant but also as a pattern left you He was always doing good Though he met with hard and rough usage from Men expect the like it is no untrodden Path but for Encouragement if for Righteousness sake Your's is the Kingdom of Heaven What can be given in Exchange The more you doe or suffer the greater your reward The Blessings of this Life are not excluded let God's Work have the preheminence the first place in your Heart and Practice and as may be good for you they shall be added to you I observe from the last Chapter of Saint John our Saviour's great care for his Disciples at his parting with them As they lacked nothing whilst he was with them as themselves on that question had confest so then our Saviour to strengthen their Faith in their Dependence on him he before had promised to be with them to the end of the World and rather than they should want our Saviour works a Miracle but with the provision he gives but one single Invitation Come and dine as if he would intimate he had greater things to bestow on them more than the Meat that perisheth the Bread of eternal Life and as they had freely received so he would have them freely give For which purpose our Saviour singles out Peter not so much to mind him of a former unkindness but more earnestly to engage his watchfull diligence for the future Peter not as exclusive of the rest but he as a representative of the rest our Saviour instead of one Invitation to dine adds a threefold Injunction to feed his
Kingdom of Satan may fall and the Kingdom of Christ be exalted that the Gospel may continue where it is and sent where it is not and received in the Love of it through the World Pray for all afflicted as their case requires and with thy Prayers and Praises give thanks to God for the prime Fountain of all his Mercies Christ Jesus In particular thou mayst mention at the Throne of Grace what Christ hath done and suffered for humble contrite Sinners Labour and beg for such a frame of Spirit such God not despise Express thy thankfulness for what Christ hath instituted and ordained in his Church for the Benefit and good of his People Thou mayst in particular express with Prayers and Praises That all may be applicatory to thy self These are short hints thou mayst enlarge God giving thee his Spirit of Grace and Supplication Let not vain Thoughts mingle with religious Duties beware of those wandring Vagrants do not take such Company with thee when thou drawest near to God in any Religious performance lest it be like offering strange fire provoke God rather to consume than bless thee but keep off those busie Flies they may not corrupt thy Sacrifice Say to all disturbing Thoughts as Abraham said to his Servants when he went to the Mount to Sacrifice Stay you here below till I go to Worship God Fervent Prayer is very prevalent with God of it may be said what is said of Faith which is a justifying Grace without which it is impossible to please God Heb. 11. For he that cometh to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him Good works are the Life of Faith being well performed for matter and manner without which Faith is Dead and God is not the God of the dead but of the living as the body without the spirit is dead so without works faith is dead also St. James 2. The great things a lively Faith hath done fervent Prayer hath done the same The little Book I sent thee was thy dear Mother's it is a good Discourse of Prayer Dear Johnny let thy Prayers and Praises with the sweet Incense of thy Love to God be offered to him on the golden Altar of an humble and sincere Heart in the mediation of Jesus Christ and put no religious Duty off with that foolish idle Excuse I have not time lest thou as the foolish Virgins were be unfurnish'd of Oil for the Lamp of thy Christian Profession and for thy neglect shut out of the Kingdom of Heaven If Time for Play Recreation Eating Sleeping or the like a due proportion of Time may be gained from them for thy best therefore thy most concern those indispensable Duties on which thy eternal welfare so much depends the neglect of them may be thy inevitable Ruine in this Life and that to come for Godliness hath the promise of both Therefore seek the Kingdom of Heaven in the first place and the things of this present Life shall be added to thee as may be good for thee The things of this World compared to God and Heaven are but Straws and Pibbles St. Paul calls them dross and Luther said The whole Turkish Empire is but a Crust God throws to the Dog God hath provided better things for those that love and seek him In this world is our preparatory Life for our future Estate I have oft said to thee That all Men are about this great Business but in a different way to a different end Good Men prepare for Heaven and Wicked Men prepare for Hell therefore avoid the broad-way of a sinfull Life which leads to Destruction chuse that way which comparatively few find the way of an holy Life the end of which is Peace which the World cannot give Dear Johnny Do not deferr thy great concern to serve God and save thy Soul more worth than Ten thousand Worlds Many much younger than thee have set about this great work Thou hast oft read Mr. Smythies's Book of the Benefit of early Piety also thou hast had a civil and religious Education and many more Prayers than thou art Days old Thy dear Grandfather's Care Counsel and Prayers mine have not been wanting as far as able to perform in my care and love of thee let them not condemn thee but labour to answer the end of them that thou mayst not disappoint God and us to thy own detriment and loss Dear Johnny where much is given the more will be required Time is precious use all lawfull Industry and Diligence for thy well being in this World and make all subservient for a better to come Thou knowest not how long God may continue thy Friends to thee She was not continued three Months nay thy own Life is uncertain all things in this World are so and there is no retrieving an Errour on the other side of Death Do not procrastinate take the wise Man's Counsel what thy hand findeth to doe doe it with all thy might which inferrs speed and diligence for the obtaining internal and external Blessings Deferring made St. Augusting cry out Too late too late Lord did I love thee Dear Johnny Do not put God off with a decrepid Love and the chill Spirits of old age and bodily Infirmity by which the operative Faculties of thy Soul through the organical Powers of the Body may be obstructed with defect and impeded with the ill Habits and Customs of Sin Avoid this Danger give to God the vigour and strength of thy Life let it be without blemish By God's appointment the young was brought to him in Sacrifice Do thou as Righteous Abel give to God thy firstlings thy first Love and suffer no Rival or Competitour with it it was the Test Christ put to his Disciples If ye love me keep my Commandments Dear Johnny I used to mind thee St. John thy own name let him be thy Example in thy Love to God he was the youngest Disciple most eminent in Christ's Love He was called the Disciple whom Jesus loved Dear Johnny Be not taken with the Gauds and Vanities of this World in any of the profers of it they will bite like an Adder and sting like a Serpent if they draw thy Heart from God Be not deceived by them they will put a lye in thy right-hand promising more than they can give Be not affected with vain Glory it is but a Puff of breath soon exhaled and will vanish from thee Yea so are all the things of this World for the duration of them Remember thy Baptismal Covenant with God thou didst promise to forsake the Pomps and Vanities of this World the Devil and all his Works and sinfull Appetites to them I was a Witness to this Engagement and one of thy Sureties Dear Johnny let thy Baptismal Vow through Grace preserve thy Morals untainted Let none be corrupted by thy ill Example and be not thou infected by the evil manners of others Speak no obscene or scurrilous Language
sometimes two by the Glass She would be attentive at the reading the Scriptures in the Family and ask her Sister the meaning of some Passages she understood not She would constantly goe alone to Prayer She told one of the Maids the Devil tempted her to Play at Prayers but she had pray'd against him and that he did not trouble her so much since She desired one of her Sisters to grant her a Request and said that she must not deny her Which was Not to refuse any good Counsel when ever it was given her but to accept of it from whom soever it came Another time being with her Sisters as they sate at Work she told them all those things would be dirt in Heaven And it most concerned them to get their Sins Pardoned and an Interest in Jesus Christ Discoursing of the Vanity of this World and Happiness of being Good and fit for Heaven As she had opportunity she would frequently be giving good Counsel with much Sweetness and Gravity If she were ill she would strive to hide it for fear of Grief to her Father and my self saying when we ask'd her how she did Pretty well I thank God Four Days before she died when the Maid went to help her up in the Morning she told her she was very Sick but God would doe her good by that Sickness and she should love him the better for it In this last and short sickness she had very serious apprehensions of Death Said she should die but was not afraid of Death And desired she might die quietly and without disturbance The Physician desiring to give her a little Wine ask'd her if she loved Sack she answered No. He desired her to take a little She said she would if he pleased but she did not love it to fuddle with A few hours before she died she desired to go to Bed out of which she had been taken by reason of the Flegm that troubled her and I being unwilling she said she would now go to Bed for adieu and for all Where she fell a sleep in Jesus enfolded in the Arms of Everlasting Mercies She resigned up her Soul with these and the like Expressions Lord let me come to thee my Lord and my God And Lord Jesus receive my Spirit I acknowledge the Words were given her but she readily received them and oft repeated though she could not speak but with difficulty she had been so affable and winning to all Rich and Poor that many shed more Tears for her than at the departure of their own Children she was much desired in Life and of all who knew her much lamented at Death How partial soever this Relation may seem to any and as from bribed Affection yet I assert the Truth to God's Goodness who hath ordained Praises in the Mouths of Babes and Sucklings and hath I humbly hope now perfected the same in the Consummation of her Eternal Bliss in the Fruition of himself to his Everlasting Praises I have hitherto in this Account left out many remarkable Passages for Brevity let me obtain liberty to transcribe the rest of the Paragraph verbatim word for word as her Pen left it Lord I bless thee that of Eleven for whom I Praise thee thou hast yet spared me two I beseech thee if it may consist with thy good Pleasure continue them in this World keeping them from the Evil of it to a good Old-Age choice Instruments of thy Glory God Lord Sanctifie them with thy Grace and Holy-Spirit and with an Indelible Character and Inscription stamp thy own Image on them that they may be thine by Grace and Adoption Lord be thou their God and Portion I beseech thee put them not off with any thing less than thy self Good Lord I beg that thou wilt take a through and full Possession of their Souls and give them to retrieve my Errors by a more early knowing serving and loving of thee and punish none of mine Iniquities with their Sins but keep them blameless to thy Everlasting Kingdom and bind up their Souls in the bundle of Eternal Life Amen Amen January 23. 1669. Was a day of Mercy to me in the midst of my Affliction being Lord's Day my sweet Mary lying then Dead with us in the House the extremity of my Affection forced me into the Chamber where she then lay a cold piece of Clay I there poured out my Soul to God in Prayer and from thence returned into to the Chamber of my signal Mercies I have received from God who comforteth those who are cast down Though he denied my vehement Desires and wrestlings with him in the time of her Sickness for her longer continuance with me in this World the Lord abundantly made up and compensated my Loss I took my Bible and my Intention was to Read in the New-Testament to allay my own Grief with the dolorous Sufferings of my Saviour but my Bible suddenly fell open in my Lap and my Eye presently fixed upon Habbak 1.12 which was powerfully set home upon my Heart with great Comfort and Refreshment with full Measure running over streams of Mercy and Loving Kindness yeaâ— of tenderest Mercies flowing into my Soul an Eternal God in exchange of a transient Comfort The Lord tendered me himself who is from Everlasting with this Propriety the Lord my God opposing his all-sufficient Righteousness against all my Unrighteousness My Holy One I should not Dye but Live Lord how hast thou silenced my inordinate Passions and Affections in superabundantly out-bidding all Creature-Comforts and Relations I beseech thee enable me so to live here that I may ever live with thee where I shall sin no more and Grief Sorrow and Sighing shall flee away The same Lord's Day in the Afternoon my Daughter Elizabeth whom God gave me June 8. 1658. to our great Satisfaction and Comfort suddenly broke out into a Flood of Tears and most Pathetical Vehement Desires after God and his Grace with Confession and bewailing of her Sins with such sensible and suitable Expressions as shewed it came from her very Soul which drew plenty of Tears of Love and Admiration from us all O my God how shall I love thee how shall I Praise thee for this Grace which I trust was the Work of thy Blessed Spirit Good Lord confirm and establish the Thoughts of her Heart before thee for Ever This day was a Tragi-Comedy if I may so speak Bitterness turn'd into surprizing Sweetness Weeping had continued for a Night but Joy came in before the succeeding Morning even Joy unspeakable and full of Glory I never remembred my Dear under such transports of Spiritual Peace and Satisfaction as from the Consolations of God from the Manifestations of his Love which flowed into her Soul from that Scripture above-named and I may truly say the Impressions of it never wore wholly off but even at many Years distance the naming of those Words would renew the Spiritual Relish she tasted in them and the briny Tears for the natural
Jesus in Sincerity she loved the Lord her God with all her Heart and all her Soul with all her Might and all her Strength and her Neighbour as herself She would speak evil of no Man do evil to no Man but did all the good she could as she had opportunity especially to the Houshold of Faith And though she loved the whole World with a love of Benevolence she loved those chosen out of the World with a Love of Complacency She had a peculiar Esteem of and Affection for God's People Her choice delight was in the Saints and those who excelled in Vertue She was not ashamed to be accounted their Sister whom Christ was not ashamed to call his Brethren the Profession but much more the power of Godliness was so far from being terminus Diminuens an abatement of her value and kindness that it much endeared those to her in whom she found it and fastened those Bonds more strongly which had been tyed by Nature Neighbourhood or Friendly Conversation I excuse not the length of this Section it being not easy to write too much of that of which she never thought she practised enough though she had as it were habituated it into her Constitution it being as the Element in which she lived SECT XXIV Of her Care to advance God's Glory and the Salvation of Souls I have so far prevented my self in both those in what I have already written of her that scarce any thing remains to be farther added anew concerning them and I confess it seems to my self somewhat improper to make a distinct Section of what is the Subject of the whole The Care to promote those was as the Spinal Marrow in the Body yea as the Soul which animated the whole as the Pith which ascends from the Root of a Tree through the Trunk to every Branch and Twig She set the Lord continually before her had respect to him in all her Thoughts and Words and Actions and reveered his Presence in all her Natural Moral Civil and Religious Performances Seeing him that was Invisible that nothing might escape from her which would provoke or dishonour him who is of purer Eyes than to behold Iniquity she yielded the Throne of her Heart to God and whether she spake or wrote to others or Prayed for them she exhorted or entreated that the Interest of God's Glory might be uppermost obtain the Supremacy and nothing be its Rival or stand in competition with it Such Expressions frequently occurring in many of the Passages above related and transcribed from her Papers and for the promoting the Salvation of others she remembred and practised our Saviour's Counsel to St. Peter Thou when thou art Converted strengthen thy Brethren I have given account above of her indefatigable Care and zealous Diligence in instructing Children Servants Neighbours and it is unreasonable to conclude I have little to say on this Head because I will not say over again what I had so fully said before Her Converse was generally very Serious Savory Edifying few have come to see me since she dyed who have not told me how frequently and faithfully she used to give them good Advice and Exhortations to be sincerely Religious and indeed she was endowed with an extraordinary measure of Courage Prudence Faithfulness to give necessary free kind and seasonable Reproofs Admonition and Instructions and would not suffer Sin to be upon their Souls whom she had any opportunity to rescue from it at least would use her best Endeavours to effect so good a Work and would speak so home and plainly to them who needed it that I confess I have sometimes thought she rather exceeded and have between our selves intimated so much to her to which she would wisely and with just Apology reply My Dear we must deal freely and speak home in such Cases not mince the Matter and speak slightly it will not be minded if we do and as good never a whit as never the better it is well if all we can say will effect what it is said for and if they be not convinced both of their own Errour and our Good-will and made to feel what we speak by our plain and faithfull Earnestness all the rest is lost to them and us they 'll be no better for it and we shall not have the comfort of discharging the part and duty of true Christian Friendship And she had often good success but once above other times so eminent and signal I can hardly forbear to relate it and I have heard her more than once or twice make mention of it with Thankfulness and Comfort and as a good encouragement to do the like She had a very awakened Sense and deep impressions on her Mind of that Estate which is on the other side of Death and was full fraught with Love and Pity to Immortal Souls and would do all she could to the saving of her own and others and therefore accounted all kindest offices not worth the name of true Friendship which stopped short and reached not to at least had not a fair tendency towards the Eternal Salvation of her Friends SECT XXV Several Graces in which she was most Eminent I Have cause to repent those hasty Thoughts set down before page the 50th as Heads to be touched more fully by which I have made my self Debtor to the Reader 's Expectation to write somewhat of the Title of this Section for when I set my Thoughts to single out in the Prospect of them all which shined with the greatest Lustre all were so fair and bright I am at a loss on which to fix the Preference For I may say of her with Modesty and Truth what St. Gregory Nazianzen saith of his Sister Gorgonia with wonder That she excelled in all Vertues and St. Jerome of Nepotian that he was so Eminent in all Graces as if he had excelled but in some one alone She was compleat in Christ had taken to herself the whole Armour of God not an almost-Christian but throughly furnished to every good Word and Work And as God had preserved her that though she was assaulted by many Buffetting Temptations she was not overcome by them and that no Iniquity had Dominion over her to Reign in her Mortal Body or Immortal Soul to blot her Name or Profession with any Scandalous Offence so every Grace of the Spirit with all which she was very plenteously adorned exerted its self with Vigour was not raked up in faint and lazy Habits Her Knowledge in which the New Man is renewed and without which the Wise Man tells us the Heart cannot be good was clear solid and indeed Masculine beyond the Proportion of her Sex and Degree as may appear by all she wrote and she would discourse and argue very knowingly and with sound Judgment upon any Point of Divinity as occasion offered The Oil which fed this Lamp was her much Reading good Books but especially the Holy Scriptures in which she meditated Day and Night and if
which nothing can be hid and as easily will detect it as earnestly detest it and severely avenge it Her Modesty which you heard before she called the Womans Ornament was so undeflowred that she loathed in others what had the slightest appearance of staining or tarnishing that orient Beauty and adorning Comeliness and which she strove to plant in her Daughters as the fairest Flower in that Garden which she cultivated with her best Industry and for herself I can and do give her this true Testimony I never heard a Word proceed from her Mouth of unpure defiling Sound or Sence or of least tendency to either Her Garb and Dress her Carriage and Gestures and her whole Conversation were all of a Piece with her Communication which was always Savoury Seasoned with Salt that it might Minister Grace to them who heard it I confess I reckon neither a slattering fordidness in Dress nor Pusillanimity to speak out in reproving Sin or Sinners as occasion required any branches of Modesty as I fear some do in respect of Garb or Words for I have shewed before both how exact her Neatness and how great her Courage was to make and keep her Faithfull to the Interest of God and Souls The Righteous is bold as a Lyon and so was she But this hindred not her Meekness she was as meek as a Lamb in her own Cause though bold as a Lion in the Cause of God no true Vertues interferre or are inconsistent I could prove this by Instance She indeed was quick and prone to be hasty this was if any the Sin of her Constitution but aware of it she doubled her Guards to prevent a Breach upon her weak Side She had gathered more than five Pages of apposite Scriptures which exhort to meekness of Spirit as I touched before page 74. The third of which is Psal 18.23 I was also upright before him and kept my self from mine eniquity Which I conclude she did upon that account because she found herself liable to be surprized by that Infirmity of her Natural Temper Hastiness the contrary to Meekness those Sins being most properly called our own which proceed from our Constitution Callings and prevailing Custom And the next is Job 13.31 If I did despise the cause of my Man-Servant or my Maid-Servant when they contended with me Which she set down to keep her from being angry without hearing their Excuses if they had any to extenuate a Fault or not beyond Proportion to it if they had none and many or her Servants as well as my self can witness if she had exceeded in her Reproofs or Chiding she would chide herself more than she had done them and pray them to forgive her so much more willing was she to bear Shame than Guilt She proceeds Cease from anger and forsake wrath fret not thy self in any wise to do evil Psal 37.18 And next A froward heart shall depart from me But I shut the Book or I should with transcribing and remarking fill a Sheet and weary my Reader She was a very discreet wise and prudent Woman and of a good Judgment she was indeed sometimes pretty positive stiff tenacions and adhesive to her Sentiments which I have gently reproved as being a little over-weaning and too well conceited of her own Wisdom which I remember with great regret but clear her and confess my own Errour without any regretting what I now do therein for I must acknowledge that the Event for the most part proved she was in the right and persisted not out of Humour but because her Opinion was well grounded and fixed upon good Reason She was an excellent Proficient in satisfied Acquiescence and had learned the Art of Contentment to Perfection she had attained to a Ne plus ultra in the things of this Life she did not only not desire but was afraid of being greater or richer in this World than God had vouchsafed to make us she chose to follow not to lead or dictate to the Motions of Divine Providence and she knew my Mind so well she needed not to do it when we were alone but she hath often said before many Witnesses what I am about to relate When many Friends who knew her Humour would be saying I would be shortly so or so preferred I suppose in Merriment rather than that they really thought so she would reply and intreat them to hold their Peace saying Such Discourse was very unacceptable to her and lest their vain Breath should Infect me though I thank God whose Sacred Name I would not use in vain I never found my self susceptive of that Infection she would drop such preventing Physick What can we desire that we want What have they who have so many Preferments more than we but a greater Account to give at the Day of Judgment We have enough to answer all the ends of Necessity and Decency and somewhat to spare for Charity we know not what it is to be in straits and often lend when others who have so much more are forced to borrow It is a low and easie thing in our Circumstances to be content it is too cheap a Return for our Enjoyments it concerns us to be highly thankfull the Good Lord make us so And therefore I pray find some other Discourse and leave this idle and unwelcome Twattle So freely would she speak when they had teazed and warmed her not to say vexed her with their impertinent Harrangs And indeed she was very thankfull what a sweet Spirit of Praise breaths in all I have transcribed from her Papers and she did truly abound in this Grace She had well learned the Apostle's Lesson In all things to give thanks she blessed the Lord at all times his Praise was continually in her Mouth She seldom enterprized any thing without Prayer and as seldom finished it without Praise comparatively she esteemed Praise much more excellent than Prayer not only as it is more like the Imployment of the Holy Angels and the Spirits of Just Men made perfect but as it is less selfish and hath a more immediate aspect upon God our own Necessities constrain us to cry to God for Relief and the worst Men will Pray yea and make Vows when they are in fear but only good Men will return to pay their acknowledgments when their turn is served all the ten Lepers cryed for Mercy but where are the nine there was but one of them found to render Thanks St. Gregory the Great gives this Reason why of all the holy Men of God mentioned in the Sacred Oracles David only is called the Man after God's own Heart Because he wrote the Book of Psalms those Divine Praises Praise is so agreeable to the Heart of God he that offereth Praise glorifieth me that the Man of Praise is the Man after God's own Heart and this good Woman hath left this comfortable Evidence and ground of hope behind her that she is gone to the place where Eternity will be spent in endless Hallelujahs