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solicitude_n for_o their_o good_a and_o growth_n in_o all_o happiness_n who_o shall_v celebrate_v and_o desire_v to_o serve_v she_o which_o i_o wish_v that_o the_o whole_a world_n may_v do_v and_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_o so_o much_o bind_v to_o our_o bless_a lord_n for_o which_o i_o adore_v he_o with_o my_o whole_a hart_n as_o to_o be_v sure_a that_o i_o will_v procure_v to_o make_v one_o the_o short_a preface_n or_o introduction_n which_o be_v make_v by_o the_o glorious_a s._n teresa_n herself_o to_o this_o life_n of_o she_o which_o she_o write_v i_o can_v have_v wish_v that_o as_o they_o have_v give_v i_o a_o large_a kind_n of_o liberty_n yea_o and_o a_o commandment_n also_o to_o setdowne_v both_o the_o manner_n of_o my_o prayer_n and_o the_o favour_n which_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o they_o have_v also_o no_o less_o permit_v i_o to_o declare_v my_o great_a sin_n and_o wicked_a life_n in_o very_o particular_a and_o clear_a manner_n for_o herein_o i_o shall_v have_v receive_v much_o consolation_n but_o this_o they_o will_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o do_v nay_o rather_o in_o this_o kind_n they_o tie_v i_o up_o very_o short_a and_o therefore_o i_o beg_v earnest_o even_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n that_o they_o who_o shall_v read_v this_o discourse_n of_o my_o life_n will_v take_v knowledge_n and_o attentive_o observe_v that_o it_o have_v be_v so_o very_o unworthy_a and_o wicked_a as_o that_o i_o have_v not_o find_v any_o one_o saint_n among_o all_o they_o who_o have_v be_v convert_v from_o sin_n to_o the_o service_n of_o almighty_a god_n in_o who_o example_n i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o take_v comfort_n for_o i_o consider_v that_o when_o once_o our_o lord_n call_v they_o to_o himself_o they_o return_v not_o any_o more_o to_o offend_v he_o whereas_o i_o not_o only_o grow_v worse_o but_o rather_o do_v it_o seem_v even_o make_v it_o my_o very_a business_n and_o study_v how_o to_o resist_v those_o great_a favour_n which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o as_o one_o who_o on_o the_o one_o side_n find_v herself_o oblige_v to_o serve_v he_o for_o they_o so_o much_o the_o more_o and_o yet_o who_o on_o the_o other_o observe_v withal_o that_o she_o be_v unable_a to_o make_v he_o any_o payment_n for_o the_o least_o part_n of_o all_o that_o which_o she_o owe_v he_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o who_o vouchsafe_v to_o expect_v i_o so_o long_o and_o i_o beseech_v he_o with_o my_o whole_a hart_n to_o give_v i_o grace_n that_o i_o may_v with_o all_o claritie_n and_o truth_n make_v this_o relation_n which_o my_o ghostly_a father_n have_v command_v at_o my_o hand_n yea_o and_o which_o i_o know_v our_o lord_n himself_o have_v long_o expect_v from_o i_o save_v that_o yet_o withal_o i_o can_v not_o easy_o presume_v so_o far_o as_o to_o venture_v upon_o it_o but_o at_o least_o i_o wish_v that_o now_o it_o may_v prove_v to_o the_o glory_n and_o praise_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n as_o also_o to_o the_o end_n that_o my_o say_a ghostly_a father_n grow_v hereafter_o into_o a_o clear_a knowledge_n of_o i_o by_o this_o mean_n may_v assist_v i_o in_o my_o weakness_n so_o much_o the_o more_o that_o so_o at_o length_n i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o pay_v some_o little_a part_n of_o that_o much_o service_n which_o i_o owe_v to_o our_o bless_a lord_n who_o let_v all_o creature_n praise_v for_o all_o eternity_n amen_o the_o first_o chapter_n she_o show_v haw_v our_o lord_n begin_v to_o stirre-up_a her_o soul_n in_o her_o childhood_n to_o the_o perform_n of_o virtuous_a action_n and_o of_o the_o help_n which_o it_o give_v in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n to_o be_v bear_v of_o virtuous_a parent_n the_o very_a have_v of_o virtuous_a parent_n and_o such_o as_o live_v in_o the_o fear_n of_o almighty_a god_n together_o with_o those_o favour_n which_o i_o receive_v from_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v be_v able_a to_o have_v make_v i_o good_a if_o i_o have_v not_o be_v so_o very_o wicked_a my_o father_n be_v delight_v in_o read_v good_a book_n and_o use_v to_o have_v they_o in_o spanish_a that_o so_o his_o child_n may_v also_o read_v they_o this_o consideration_n together_o with_o the_o care_n which_o my_o mother_n have_v to_o make_v we_o say_v our_o prayer_n and_o to_o put_v we_o into_o a_o way_n of_o devotion_n to_o our_o bless_a lady_n and_o some_o other_o particular_a saint_n begin_v to_o awake_v and_o stir_v i_o up_o when_o i_o be_v to_o the_o best_a of_o my_o remembrance_n about_o six_o or_o seven_o year_n old_a it_o assist_v i_o also_o towards_o this_o good_a end_n to_o find_v that_o there_o be_v no_o mean_n for_o i_o to_o win_v the_o favour_n of_o
they_o but_o all_o goodness_n and_o all_o care_n also_o of_o my_o good_a but_o pass_v on_o from_o that_o tender_a age_n to_o be_v able_a to_o begin_v to_o understand_v the_o benefit_n and_o gift_n of_o nature_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o which_o other_o esteem_v and_o say_v to_o be_v great_a in_o steed_n of_o give_v he_o thanks_n for_o the_o same_o i_o begin_v to_o serve_v myself_o of_o they_o all_o towards_o the_o offence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n as_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v the_o second_o chapter_n which_o show_v how_o she_o go_v lose_v in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n and_o how_o very_o much_o it_o import_v to_o converse_v in_o childhood_n with_o virtuous_a person_n i_o believe_v that_o a_o certain_a thing_n whereof_o i_o will_v now_o give_v account_n begin_v to_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o hurt_n sometime_o i_o grow_v to_o consider_v how_o ill_o those_o parent_n do_v who_o procure_v not_o that_o their_o child_n shall_v be_v ever_o see_v example_n 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child_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o to_o divert_v they_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o worse_a thing_n my_o father_n be_v yet_o so_o much_o trouble_v at_o this_o that_o particular_a care_n be_v have_v that_o he_o may_v not_o kouw_v it_o but_o i_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n remain_v with_o the_o custom_n of_o read_v these_o book_n and_o that_o little_a fault_n of_o i_o which_o even_o i_o myself_o discern_v therein_o begin_v to_o cool_v my_o good_a desire_n and_o be_v the_o reason_n why_o i_o also_o grow_v to_o fail_v in_o the_o rest_n and_o i_o make_v myself_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v not_o very_o ill_o do_v though_o yet_o i_o spend_v many_o hour_n both_o of_o the_o day_n and_o night_n in_o so_o vain_a a_o exercise_n and_o though_o it_o be_v still_o conceal_v from_o my_o father_n but_o i_o be_v possess_v heerwith_n in_o such_o extremity_n that_o if_o perhaps_o i_o can_v not_o get_v some_o new_a book_n i_o see_v not_o how_o i_o can_v be_v in_o contentment_n i_o begin_v also_o to_o make_v myself_o fine_a and_o to_o desire_v to_o grow_v acceptable_a in_o seem_v handsome_a and_o i_o take_v much_o care_n of_o my_o hand_n and_o of_o my_o hair_n and_o to_o get_v choice_a perfume_n together_o with_o all_o those_o vanity_n which_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o incurte_n by_o this_o mean_n which_o i_o confess_v be_v enough_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o be_v very_o curious_a in_o this_o kind_n i_o have_v only_o no_o ill_a intention_n nor_o desire_v i_o upon_o any_o term_n that_o any_o creature_n shall_v offend_v almighty_a god_n upon_o any_o occasion_n of_o i_o but_o i_o continue_v in_o so_o great_a a_o curiosity_n for_o daintiness_n and_o cleanlines_n as_o be_v even_o beyond_o all_o reason_n and_o those_o thing_n which_o for_o many_o year_n i_o conceive_v to_o be_v of_o no_o sin_n at_o all_o i_o find_v now_o how_o very_o ill_o they_o be_v now_o i_o have_v certain_a cousin-german_n who_o frequent_v my_o father_n house_n in_o familiar_a manner_n no_o other_o have_v any_o such_o liberty_n as_o that_o for_o my_o father_n be_v very_o wary_a and_o reserve_v in_o this_o kind_n but_o i_o will_v to_o god_n he_o have_v also_o be_v so_o in_o respect_n of_o my_o cousin_n because_o now_o i_o discern_v the_o danger_n that_o it_o be_v for_o such_o as_o be_v to_o begin_v to_o plant_v virtue_n in_o the_o soul_n to_o treat_v with_o person_n who_o know_v not_o in_o true_a account_n how_o great_a the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n be_v but_o rather_o be_v incline_v to_o awake_v &_o stir_v other_o up_o to_o cast_v themselves_o also_o into_o the_o same_o danger_n these_o kinsman_n of_o i_o be_v in_o effect_n of_o my_o own_o age_n or_o rather_o a_o little_o elder_a than_o i._o we_o be_v usual_o together_o and_o they_o carry_v great_a affection_n to_o i_o and_o in_o all_o thing_n which_o give_v they_o contentment_n i_o be_v willing_a to_o uphold_v the_o discourse_n and_o give_v ear_n to_o the_o success_n of_o their_o love_n to_o other_o and_o such_o other_o foolery_n as_o be_v good_a for_o nothing_o yea_o and_o which_o be_v worse_o i_o grow_v by_o these_o mean_n to_o lay_v my_o soul_n open_a to_o be_v look_v upon_o by_o certain_a idle_a thought_n which_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o all_o the_o ensue_a ill_a if_o i_o be_v worthy_a to_o advise_v parent_n i_o will_v wish_v they_o to_o take_v great_a heed_n what_o kind_n of_o person_n they_o admit_v to_o converse_v with_o their_o child_n for_o much_o harm_n may_v grow_v from_o thence_o since_o the_o natural_a condition_n of_o mankind_n will_v never_o climb_v up_o so_o easy_o towards_o good_a as_o decline_v towards_o ill_n at_o least_o it_o happen_v so_o to_o i_o i_o have_v a_o sister_n much_o elder_a than_o myself_o of_o who_o purity_n and_o goodness_n whereof_o she_o have_v great_a store_n i_o take_v no_o part_n but_o i_o fail_v not_o to_o take_v all_o hurt_n from_o a_o certain_a other_o kinswoman_n of_o i_o who_o have_v also_o familiar_a entry_n into_o our_o house_n now_o she_o be_v of_o so_o light_a and_o guiddie_a a_o conversation_n that_o my_o mother_n have_v use_v several_a diligence_n to_o divert_v she_o from_o familiarity_n with_o us._n for_o it_o seem_v she_o do_v even_o half_o foresee_v the_o mischief_n which_o be_v to_o grow_v upon_o i_o by_o her_o mean_n and_o yet_o on_o the_o other_o side_n the_o occasion_n be_v so_o great_a &_o fair_a whereby_o she_o be_v to_o enter_v that_o even_o my_o mother_n can_v not_o tell_v how_o to_o decline_v it_o with_o this_o creature_n as_o i_o be_v say_v do_v i_o come_v to_o have_v much_o delight_n to_o entertain_v myself_o with_o she_o be_v my_o conversation_n and_o my_o discourse_n because_o i_o find_v that_o she_o employ_v herself_o willing_o upon_o all_o those_o way_n of_o pass_v my_o time_n wherein_o i_o delight_v most_o yea_o and_o sometime_o she_o will_v embark_v i_o in_o they_o of_o herself_o give_v i_o part_n and_o knowledge_n of_o all_o her_o own_o conversation_n and_o vanity_n till_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v familiar_a with_o she_o when_o i_o think_v i_o be_v some_o fourteen_o year_n old_a or_o rather_o a_o little_a more_o i_o mean_v till_o she_o have_v wrought_v herself_o into_o so_o much_o friendship_n with_o i_o as_o to_o make_v i_o partake_v the_o knowledge_n of_o all_o her_o little_a affair_n i_o be_o much_o incline_v to_o think_v that_o i_o have_v never_o forfeit_v the_o favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n by_o any_o mortal_a sin_n nor_o ever_o forsake_v the_o fear_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n though_o yet_o still_o i_o fear_v more_o to_o loose_v my_o honour_n this_o last_o point_n be_v of_o power_n enough_o with_o i_o for_o not_o permit_v i_o to_o loose_v it_o outright_o nor_o do_v i_o conceive_v that_o any_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n can_v make_v i_o change_v that_o resolution_n nor_o be_v there_o any_o person_n alive_a who_o can_v win_v i_o to_o yield_v myself_o up_o to_o that_o misery_n i_o will_v to_o god_n i_o have_v so_o abound_v in_o strength_n &_o courage_n as_o not_o to_o make_v one_o pace_n against_o the_o honour_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n as_o even_o a_o kind_n of_o natural_a constitution_n of_o mind_n confirm_v i_o towards_o the_o not_o lose_v that_o wherein_o i_o hold_v the_o honour_n of_o this_o world_n to_o consist_v though_o yet_o i_o consider_v not_o the_o while_n that_o i_o lose_v even_o that_o also_o many_o way_n for_o the_o vain_a uphold_v hereof_o i_o have_v even_o a_o extreme_a resolution_n though_o yet_o for_o the_o proper_a and_o fit_a mean_n which_o be_v necessary_a for_o preserve_v it_o i_o use_v none_o at_o all_o only_o i_o be_v earnest_a in_o take_v care_n that_o i_o may_v by_o
give_v i_o light_n by_o her_o mean_n as_o i_o will_v now_o declare_v the_o three_o chapter_n wherein_o she_o treat_v how_o her_o fall_v into_o virtuous_a company_n be_v the_o occasion_n of_o she_o return_v to_o awake_a good_a desire_n in_o herself_o and_o how_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o give_v she_o some_o light_n of_o the_o error_n wherein_o she_o have_v former_o be_v but_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o take_v gust_n in_o the_o good_a and_o holy_a conversation_n of_o this_o religious_a woman_n be_v joy_v to_o hear_v how_o well_o she_o be_v wont_a to_o speak_v of_o almighty_a god_n for_o she_o be_v both_o very_a holy_a and_o very_o discreet_a of_o this_o i_o conceive_v &_o confess_v i_o do_v never_o at_o any_o time_n give_v over_o to_o â—â—â—â—ery_o glad_a to_o hear_v she_o begin_v one_o day_n to_o tell_v nâ—â—â—â—ow_o she_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n by_o the_o only_o read_v of_o that_o place_n of_o the_o gospel_n that_o many_o be_v call_v but_o few_o be_v choose_v and_o she_o speak_v much_o to_o i_o of_o the_o reward_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v to_o such_o as_o leave_v all_o thing_n for_o the_o love_n of_o he_o in_o a_o word_n this_o good_a society_n of_o she_o begin_v quick_o to_o put_v to_o flight_n those_o custom_n and_o condivons_a which_o ill_a company_n have_v bring_v upon_o i_o and_o restore_v the_o desire_n of_o eternal_a blessing_n to_o my_o thought_n yea_o and_o to_o strip_v i_o in_o some_o part_n of_o that_o great_a enmity_n and_o opposition_n against_o becominge_v a_o religious_a woman_n which_o former_o have_v be_v very_o extreme_a but_o now_o if_o i_o chance_v to_o see_v any_o one_o who_o shed_v many_o tear_n for_o her_o sin_n or_o else_o that_o she_o abound_v in_o other_o virtue_n i_o carry_v a_o kind_n of_o envy_n towards_o she_o though_o as_o for_o this_o hart_n of_o i_o it_o be_v so_o very_o hard_o and_o even_o impenetrable_a in_o this_o kind_n that_o if_o i_o shall_v have_v read_v over_o the_o whole_a history_n of_o the_o paision_n of_o our_o bless_a saviour_n i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o shed_v a_o tear_n and_o this_o put_v i_o to_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n in_o this_o monastery_n do_v i_o remain_v a_o year_n and_o a_o half_a and_o i_o be_v much_o improve_v there_o i_o begin_v to_o say_v many_o vocal_a prayer_n and_o i_o procure_v of_o all_o the_o religious_a that_o they_o will_v recommend_v i_o much_o to_o almighty_a god_n to_o the_o end_n that_o he_o may_v place_v i_o in_o such_o a_o way_n of_o life_n as_o wherein_o i_o may_v be_v likely_a to_o serve_v he_o best_o but_o still_o i_o do_v even_o desire_n that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n and_o that_o this_o may_v not_o be_v the_o state_n which_o god_n will_v give_v i_o though_o yet_o still_o i_o be_v afraid_a to_o be_v marry_v but_o now_o at_o the_o end_n of_o the_o time_n when_o i_o be_v there_o i_o already_o begin_v to_o be_v more_o incline_v to_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n though_o yet_o not_o in_o that_o very_a house_n where_o i_o be_v then_o in_o regard_n of_o those_o action_n of_o extraordinary_a virtue_n and_o penance_n which_o i_o understand_v they_o use_v and_o which_o seem_v to_o i_o of_o too_o much_o rigour_n yet_o there_o be_v some_o of_o the_o young_a sort_n of_o themselves_o who_o encourage_v i_o towards_o those_o formet_fw-la more_o imperfect_a thought_n for_o if_o they_o all_o have_v be_v of_o one_o opinion_n it_o will_v have_v be_v much_o to_o my_o true_a advantage_n i_o have_v also_o a_o great_a friend_n in_o another_o monastery_n and_o this_o be_v partly_o a_o reason_n why_o if_o i_o will_v be_v a_o religious_a woman_n i_o will_v not_o yet_o be_v so_o in_o any_o other_o place_n then_o where_o that_o friend_n of_o i_o be_v for_o i_o carry_v more_o respect_n to_o my_o sensuality_n and_o vanity_n then_o to_o the_o benefit_n which_o i_o may_v bring_v to_o my_o soul_n these_o good_a thought_n of_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n be_v often_o come_v to_o i_o by_o time_n but_o they_o be_v instant_o send_v away_o again_o and_o i_o can_v not_o yet_o persuade_v myself_o to_o be_v one_o at_o this_o time_n though_o myself_o be_v not_o altogether_o without_o care_n of_o my_o cure_n yet_o our_o lord_n be_v much_o full_a of_o desire_n to_o dispose_v i_o for_o that_o state_n which_o will_v be_v best_a for_o my_o soul_n he_o then_o give_v i_o so_o great_a a_o sickness_n that_o i_o be_v force_v to_o return_v home_o to_o my_o father_n house_n and_o when_v once_o i_o be_v recover_v they_o conduct_v i_o to_o give_v a_o visit_n to_o one_o of_o my_o sister_n in_o the_o country_n for_o the_o love_n which_o i_o bear_v she_o be_v extreme_a and_o by_o her_o will_n i_o shall_v never_o have_v part_v from_o she_o her_o husband_n do_v also_o love_v i_o very_o much_o and_o at_o least_o he_o regale_v i_o high_o and_o even_o for_o this_o also_o be_o i_o oblige_v to_o our_o bless_a lord_n since_o in_o all_o place_n where_o i_o have_v be_v i_o be_v ever_o treat_v after_o this_o manner_n notwithstanding_o that_o i_o have_v be_v as_o unthankful_a to_o he_o for_o it_o as_o for_o his_o other_o favour_n now_o by_o the_o way_n towards_o my_o sister_n i_o have_v a_o uncle_n my_o father_n brother_n who_o be_v a_o very_a advise_a man_n and_o of_o great_a virtue_n he_o be_v a_o widower_n and_o our_o lord_n go_v dispose_v he_o for_o his_o own_o service_n and_o when_o he_o grow_v on_o to_o be_v of_o year_n he_o leave_v the_o world_n and_o become_v a_o religious_a man_n and_o end_v his_o life_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o believe_v he_o be_v now_o enjoy_v the_o vision_n of_o almighty_a god_n but_o he_o will_v needs_o have_v i_o as_o i_o pass_v remain_v with_o he_o some_o day_n his_o usual_a exercise_n be_v to_o read_v good_a book_n in_o the_o spanish_a tongue_n and_o his_o discourse_n be_v most_o common_o of_o god_n and_o of_o the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n and_o those_o book_n will_v he_o also_o make_v i_o read_v and_o though_o i_o have_v no_o great_a like_n to_o this_o yet_o i_o pretend_v that_o i_o have_v for_o in_o the_o point_n of_o give_v contentment_n to_o other_o i_o have_v ever_o a_o extreme_a kind_n of_o care_n how_o dear_a soever_o it_o may_v cost_v i_o so_o that_o the_o same_o thing_n which_o have_v be_v virtue_n in_o other_o be_v a_o great_a fault_n in_o i_o because_o i_o often_o carry_v myself_o therein_o with_o much_o indiscretion_n o_o my_o god_n by_o what_o way_n do_v thy_o divine_a majesty_n go_v dispose_v i_o for_o that_o state_n in_o which_o thou_o be_v please_v that_o i_o shall_v serve_v thou_o since_o thou_o do_v even_o force_v i_o thus_o as_o it_o be_v against_o my_o will_n to_o force_v myself_o be_v thou_o bless_v for_o all_o eternity_n amen_o though_o i_o stay_v not_o long_o in_o that_o place_n yet_o by_o the_o effect_n which_o the_o word_n of_o almighty_a god_n wrought_v in_o my_o hart_n whether_o they_o be_v read_v or_o hear_v by_o i_o together_o with_o so_o good_a company_n as_o that_o be_v wherein_o i_o find_v myself_o then_o i_o come_v to_o understand_v this_o truth_n which_o i_o have_v learn_v when_o i_o be_v yet_o but_o a_o child_n that_o namely_o all_o be_v nothing_o and_o how_o great_a the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n be_v and_o that_o all_o will_v be_v short_o at_o a_o end_n and_o that_o i_o may_v just_o fear_v least_o die_v in_o that_o condition_n wherein_o i_o be_v i_o may_v chance_v go_v drop_v down_o into_o hell_n and_o though_o my_o will_n do_v not_o yet_o entire_o resolve_v i_o to_o make_v myself_o a_o religious_a woman_n yet_o i_o well_o discern_v that_o it_o be_v the_o better_a and_o more_o secure_a state_n and_o so_o by_o little_a and_o little_a i_o determine_v to_o force_v my_o hart_n to_o embrace_v it_o in_o this_o battle_n i_o remain_v three_o month_n constrain_a myself_o at_o last_o by_o this_o follow_a discourse_n and_o reason_n that_o the_o trouble_n and_o affliction_n of_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n can_v not_o be_v great_a than_o the_o pain_n of_o purgatory_n and_o that_o i_o have_v so_o well_o deserve_v hell_n it_o be_v not_o to_o be_v esteem_v too_o much_o if_o i_o remain_v while_o i_o shall_v live_v here_o as_o in_o purgatory_n so_o that_o afterward_o i_o may_v go_v straight_o to_o heaven_n for_o this_o be_v my_o desire_n but_o yet_o even_o in_o this_o inclination_n of_o i_o to_o take_v this_o state_n upon_o i_o i_o doubt_v i_o be_v more_o move_v by_o a_o kind_n of_o servile_a fear_n then_o by_o love._n the_o devil_n in_o the_o mean_a time_n represent_v to_o i_o that_o i_o will_v never_o
be_v able_a to_o suffer_v the_o difficulty_n and_o trouble_n of_o a_o religious_a life_n because_o former_o i_o have_v be_v use_v so_o delicate_o and_o be_v so_o nice_a but_o yet_o against_o this_o also_o i_o defend_v myself_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v by_o the_o affliction_n which_o christ_n our_o lord_n endure_v for_o i_o and_o that_o so_o it_o will_v not_o be_v much_o for_o i_o to_o endure_v some_o for_o he_o i_o ought_v also_o to_o have_v consider_v that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o help_v to_o bear_v they_o yet_o i_o remember_v not_o whether_o i_o have_v this_o last_o consideration_n or_o no_o but_o i_o be_o sure_a i_o have_v temptation_n enough_o about_o that_o time_n i_o then_o also_o grow_v to_o have_v great_a fit_n of_o faint_a by_o a_o burn_a fever_n into_o which_o i_o fall_v for_o i_o always_o have_v little_a health_n but_o it_o give_v i_o even_o my_o life_n at_o that_o time_n that_o already_o i_o be_v grow_v to_o love_v good_a book_n and_o so_o i_o come_v to_o read_v the_o epistle_n of_o s._n jerome_n which_o help_v i_o to_o such_o hart_n and_o courage_n as_o to_o make_v i_o resolve_v that_o i_o will_v impart_v my_o purpose_n to_o my_o father_n which_o in_o effect_n be_v even_o as_o much_o for_o i_o as_o to_o take_v the_o very_a habit_n upon_o i_o for_o i_o be_v ever_o so_o affect_v to_o maintain_v the_o point_n of_o honour_n that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v never_o have_v turn_v back_o again_o upon_o any_o term_n when_o i_o have_v first_o engage_v myself_o by_o speak_v any_o one_o word_n to_o the_o contrary_n but_o he_o love_v i_o to_o so_o strange_a a_o proportion_n that_o by_o no_o mean_n i_o can_v win_v his_o consent_n nor_o be_v the_o intercession_n of_o such_o person_n as_o i_o procure_v to_o move_v he_o in_o order_n to_o my_o end_n of_o any_o power_n at_o all_o to_o prevail_v the_o most_o that_o i_o can_v get_v at_o his_o hand_n be_v that_o when_o he_o shall_v be_v dead_a i_o may_v do_v what_o i_o list_v with_o myself_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o be_v in_o doubt_n of_o my_o own_o great_a weakness_n as_o fear_v that_o i_o may_v loose_v ground_n and_o fall_v back_o again_o and_o so_o i_o think_v it_o be_v not_o fit_a for_o i_o to_o content_v myself_o with_o the_o offer_n which_o he_o make_v and_o i_o procure_v therefore_o to_o obtain_v my_o end_n by_o another_o mean_n which_o i_o will_v now_o declare_v the_o four_o chapter_n wherein_o she_o relate_v how_o our_o lord_n assist_v she_o to_o force_v herself_o to_o take_v the_o habit_n of_o religion_n and_o of_o the_o many_o infirmity_n which_o he_o begin_v to_o bring_v upon_o she_o in_o these_o day_n whilst_o i_o be_v walk_v on_o with_o my_o hart_n in_o such_o determination_n or_o strong_a purpose_n as_o i_o have_v here_o describe_v i_o persuade_v one_o of_o my_o brother_n to_o become_v a_o religious_a man_n discourse_v to_o he_o upon_o the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n and_o so_o we_o both_o of_o we_o agree_v to_o go_v very_o early_o together_o one_o morning_n to_o the_o monastery_n 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very_a instant_n i_o take_v so_o great_a contentment_n to_o put_v myself_o into_o that_o manner_n of_o life_n as_o have_v never_o fail_v i_o once_o till_o this_o very_a hour_n and_o god_n change_v that_o dryness_n wherein_o my_o soul_n have_v former_o be_v into_o a_o extreme_a tenderness_n and_o all_o the_o observance_n of_o religion_n give_v i_o great_a delight_n yea_o and_o it_o be_v a_o most_o certain_a truth_n that_o while_o i_o be_v sometime_o go_v up_o and_o down_o to_o sweep_v the_o house_n at_o such_o hour_n as_o before_o i_o have_v be_v wont_a to_o employ_v upon_o the_o gallanterie_n and_o regalo_n of_o my_o person_n and_o go_v consider_v that_o now_o i_o be_v free_a from_o that_o subjection_n it_o give_v i_o a_o particular_a joy_n and_o that_o so_o very_o great_a that_o it_o amaze_v i_o nor_o be_v it_o in_o my_o power_n to_o understand_v from_o whence_o the_o same_o shall_v come_v when_o i_o remember_v and_o consider_v this_o there_o can_v be_v nothing_o how_o grievous_a soever_o upon_o which_o if_o it_o be_v set_v before_o i_o i_o shall_v not_o have_v venture_v to_o attempt_v for_o i_o have_v already_o good_a experience_n of_o thing_n enough_o to_o assure_v i_o that_o since_o god_n do_v help_v i_o in_o the_o beginning_n to_o resolve_v to_o do_v such_o thing_n as_o these_o which_o be_v only_o do_v for_o the_o love_n of_o god_n he_o ordain_v for_o our_o great_a merit_n afterward_o that_o our_o soul_n shall_v be_v in_o some_o trouble_n and_o terror_n at_o the_o first_o and_o the_o great_a that_o trouble_n be_v the_o great_a and_o the_o more_o savoury_a also_o will_v the_o reward_n thereof_o fall_v out_o to_o be_v if_o we_o go_v through_o with_o the_o business_n his_o majesty_n will_v also_o be_v please_v to_o recompense_v they_o high_o well_o even_o in_o this_o life_n by_o such_o way_n as_o he_o only_o who_o enjoy_v they_o can_v understand_v this_o i_o say_v i_o have_v find_v true_a by_o experience_n in_o many_o particular_n of_o great_a moment_n and_o therefore_o if_o i_o be_v a_o person_n who_o may_v be_v wish_v to_o give_v my_o opinion_n i_o will_v never_o advise_v any_o creature_n that_o when_o any_o good_a inspiration_n do_v often_o move_v and_o set_v upon_o a_o soul_n it_o shall_v give_v it_o over_o for_o fear_n of_o not_o perform_v the_o work_n for_o if_o one_o go_v on_o mere_o and_o pure_o for_o the_o only_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n there_o must_v be_v no_o fear_n at_o all_o of_o good_a success_n since_o the_o same_o lord_n be_v powerful_a enough_o to_o prevail_v in_o all_o thing_n and_o let_v he_o be_v ever_o bless_v amen_n these_o favour_n which_o thou_o have_v hitherto_o bestow_v upon_o i_o out_o of_o thy_o own_o mere_a goodness_n and_o greatness_n may_v well_o have_v be_v sufficient_a o_o thou_o my_o sovereign_a good_a and_o repose_v of_o my_o soul_n to_o draw_v i_o towards_o thou_o by_o so_o many_o wind_n and_o turn_n to_o so_o safe_a a_o way_n of_o life_n and_o to_o a_o house_n where_o there_o be_v so_o many_o servant_n 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yet_o can_v not_o be_v too_o great_a a_o demonstration_n when_o i_o weigh_v how_o deep_o i_o offend_v thou_o afterward_o now_o i_o think_v that_o i_o have_v reason_n before_o in_o not_o desire_v so_o great_a a_o dignity_n as_o this_o consider_v how_o ill_o i_o be_v like_a to_o employ_v it_o but_o thou_o o_o my_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o permit_v that_o i_o may_v use_v this_o favour_n so_o ill_o twenty_o year_n together_o and_o will_v content_v thyself_o to_o be_v the_o person_n affront_v that_o i_o may_v be_v the_o person_n improve_v for_o it_o seem_v not_o to_o i_o now_o o_o my_o god_n that_o i_o make_v thou_o any_o promise_n of_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o that_o i_o will_v keep_v no_o promise_n which_o i_o have_v make_v thou_o though_o yet_o my_o intention_n be_v not_o such_o at_o that_o time_n and_o yet_o i_o find_v my_o action_n to_o have_v grow_v afterward_o to_o be_v such_o that_o i_o may_v very_o well_o think_v i_o scarce_o know_v what_o kind_n of_o intention_n i_o have_v and_o thus_o it_o may_v the_o better_o be_v see_v who_o thou_o be_v o_o my_o spouse_n and_o my_o god_n and_o who_o i_o be_o for_o it_o be_v real_o a_o express_a truth_n that_o the_o grief_n for_o my_o very_a great_a sin_n be_v temper_v in_o i_o many_o time_n by_o the_o contentment_n which_o this_o consideration_n give_v i_o that_o my_o sinnefulnes_n may_v prove_v a_o mean_n to_o make_v the_o multitude_n of_o thy_o mercy_n be_v understand_v for_o in_o who_o o_o lord_n can_v they_o ever_o shine_v so_o bright_o as_o in_o i_o who_o have_v by_o my_o wicked_a action_n so_o obscure_v those_o great_a favour_n which_o thou_o begin_v to_o do_v i_o ah_o woe_n be_v i_o o_o my_o creator_n for_o if_o i_o look_v for_o any_o excuse_n i_o can_v find_v none_o nor_o have_v any_o creature_n the_o fault_n of_o it_o but_o only_o myself_o and_o if_o i_o will_v pretend_v to_o pay_v thou_o any_o thing_n for_o the_o least_o part_n of_o that_o love_n which_o thou_o begin_v to_o show_v i_o i_o shall_v not_o 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be_v extreme_o fierce_a of_o a_o double_a quartane_a which_o i_o be_v also_o then_o grow_v to_o have_v about_o this_o time_n i_o make_v so_o very_o great_a haste_n to_o return_v to_o the_o monastery_n that_o i_o get_v myself_o to_o be_v carry_v away_o as_o i_o be_v and_o they_o receive_v she_o who_o they_o expect_v for_o dead_a with_o a_o soul_n which_o be_v yet_o in_o the_o body_n but_o the_o body_n itself_o worse_o than_o dead_a through_o the_o pain_n they_o see_v it_o endure_v the_o great_a extremity_n of_o my_o weakness_n can_v be_v relate_v for_o i_o have_v nothing_o leave_v but_o my_o skin_n and_o bone_n and_o i_o must_v say_v that_o i_o continue_v thus_o above_o eight_o month_n for_o i_o be_v direct_o a_o cripple_n though_o yet_o i_o be_v then_o on_o the_o mend_a hand_n upon_o the_o very_a point_n of_o three_o year_n when_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o go_v upon_o all_o four_o i_o thank_v god_n as_o for_o a_o good_a degree_n of_o amendment_n but_o i_o pass_v through_o all_o these_o 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myself_o into_o prayer_n because_o i_o fear_v that_o excessive_a pain_n which_o i_o be_v sure_a i_o shall_v feel_v in_o the_o quality_n of_o a_o great_a punishment_n for_o my_o offence_n and_o this_o grow_v afterward_o to_o such_o a_o extremity_n that_o i_o know_v not_o to_o what_o in_o fine_a i_o may_v well_o compare_v this_o torment_n but_o now_o this_o never_o happen_v to_o i_o either_o more_o or_o less_o for_o any_o fear_n at_o all_o but_o only_o when_o i_o remember_v those_o regalo_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o vouchsafe_v i_o in_o my_o prayer_n and_o the_o very_a much_o that_o i_o owe_v his_o divine_a majesty_n for_o those_o high_a favour_n and_o when_o i_o see_v how_o ill_o i_o pay_v he_o for_o all_o his_o goodness_n i_o be_v no_o long_o able_a to_o endure_v it_o yea_o and_o i_o find_v myself_o also_o extreme_o offend_v with_o myself_o even_o for_o the_o many_o tear_n which_o i_o shed_v for_o the_o fault_n when_o i_o see_v the_o so_o little_a amendment_n which_o i_o make_v whilst_o neither_o my_o resolution_n nor_o the_o pain_n and_o care_n wherein_o i_o be_v not_o to_o fall_v back_o again_o when_o once_o the_o occasion_n shall_v be_v offer_v be_v sufficient_a to_o stay_v i_o for_o then_o even_o my_o very_a teat_n will_v seem_v deceitful_a to_o my_o very_a self_n and_o my_o fault_n will_v also_o appear_v so_o much_o the_o fowler_n because_o i_o see_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o by_o impart_v those_o tear_n to_o my_o eye_n and_o so_o great_a repentance_n to_o my_o hart_n i_o procure_v also_o to_o confess_v myself_o often_o and_o so_o in_o my_o opinion_n i_o do_v what_o i_o can_v on_o my_o part_n to_o restore_v myself_o to_o the_o state_n of_o grace_n but_o all_o my_o misery_n indeed_o consist_v in_o that_o i_o pluck_v not_o the_o occasion_n of_o sin_n up_o by_o the_o root_n and_o partly_o also_o in_o those_o ghostly_a father_n who_o assist_v i_o little_a for_o if_o they_o have_v once_o direct_o declare_v to_o i_o the_o danger_n wherein_o i_o be_v from_o time_n to_o time_n and_o that_o i_o be_v in_o obligation_n not_o to_o have_v pass_v my_o hour_n in_o such_o conversation_n i_o be_o very_o confident_o persuade_v that_o all_z will_v have_v be_v quick_o redress_v for_o i_o shall_v never_o have_v endure_v to_o pass_v one_o day_n in_o mortal_a sin_n if_o i_o have_v understand_v the_o case_n all_o these_o sign_n and_o hope_n of_o my_o endeavour_v to_o fear_v and_o serve_v almighty_a god_n be_v come_v to_o i_o by_o mean_n of_o prayer_n and_o the_o great_a of_o they_o all_o be_v that_o i_o walk_v as_o it_o be_v all_o wrap_v up_o in_o love_n for_o as_o for_o the_o punishment_n of_o sin_n it_o never_o once_o appear_v before_o i_o all_o the_o while_n that_o i_o be_v so_o sick_a i_o continue_v to_o keep_v a_o very_a close_a guard_n upon_o my_o conscience_n for_o as_o much_o as_o may_v concern_v mortal_a sinne._n but_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n how_o vehement_o do_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v restore_v to_o my_o health_n that_o i_o may_v procure_v to_o serve_v thou_o so_o much_o the_o better_o whereas_o yet_o in_o very_a deed_n it_o be_v the_o occasion_n of_o all_o my_o misery_n but_o now_o when_o i_o find_v myself_o so_o lame_a and_o even_o such_o a_o cripple_n and_o that_o whilst_o i_o be_v yet_o so_o very_o young_a and_o how_o the_o physician_n of_o this_o world_n have_v dress_v i_o and_o to_o what_o state_n they_o have_v bring_v i_o i_o resolve_v that_o i_o will_v apply_v myself_o to_o those_o of_o the_o other_o to_o the_o end_n that_o they_o may_v cure_v i_o for_o
sometime_o not_o so_o soon_o and_o since_o of_o late_a i_o be_o grow_v able_a to_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n more_o often_o it_o proceed_v from_o this_o that_o these_o vomit_v come_v to_o i_o at_o night_n before_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n and_o they_o put_v i_o to_o much_o more_o pain_n and_o then_o i_o must_v procure_v to_o hasten_v and_o facilitate_v they_o by_o the_o use_n of_o feather_n and_o such_o other_o thing_n because_o if_o i_o have_v not_o those_o vomit_n the_o sickness_n which_o i_o feel_v be_v extreme_a but_o indeed_o i_o be_o i_o think_v almost_o never_o without_o many_o kind_n of_o pain_n and_o sometime_o they_o be_v very_o sharp_a one_o and_o especial_o at_o my_o very_a hart_n though_o yet_o withal_o it_o be_v also_o true_a that_o the_o cruel_a palsy_n and_o other_o infirmity_n of_o fever_n which_o be_v wont_a to_o come_v very_o thick_a upon_o i_o be_v now_o find_v to_o oppress_v i_o more_o seldom_o so_o that_o many_o time_n i_o be_o well_o in_o those_o respect_n and_o i_o have_v make_v so_o little_a account_n of_o these_o misery_n for_o these_o eight_o year_n together_o that_o sometime_o i_o be_o even_o glad_a i_o have_v they_o as_o conceave_a that_o our_o lord_n may_v be_v peradventure_o serve_v in_o some_o sort_n thereby_o this_o be_v my_o discourse_n and_o now_o my_o father_n believe_v that_o this_o which_o i_o tell_v he_o here_o be_v indeed_o the_o true_a cause_n of_o my_o omission_n for_o himself_o never_o use_v to_o lie_v and_o consider_v in_o what_o sort_n and_o of_o what_o matter_n i_o be_v then_o discourse_v to_o he_o he_o have_v no_o reason_n to_o think_v but_o that_o i_o say_v true_a and_o to_o the_o end_n that_o he_o may_v believe_v i_o the_o better_a i_o tell_v he_o also_o then_o that_o i_o well_o see_v myself_o not_o to_o be_v without_o some_o fault_n and_o that_o i_o have_v enough_o to_o do_v to_o be_v able_a to_o assist_v in_o the_o choir_n though_o yet_o in_o very_a deed_n even_o this_o reason_n of_o corporal_a sickness_n be_v no_o sufficient_a cause_n to_o make_v i_o give_v any_o good_a thing_n over_o for_o there_o be_v no_o need_n of_o corporal_a strength_n for_o such_o thing_n as_o these_o but_o only_o of_o love_n and_o custom_n since_o our_o lord_n afford_v we_o always_o opportunity_n if_o we_o will_v ourselves_o i_o say_v always_o because_o though_o infirmity_n and_o other_o occasion_n my_o hinder_v one_o sometime_o from_o spend_v many_o hour_n in_o solitude_n yet_o there_o will_v not_o want_v some_o other_o time_n wherein_o we_o may_v have_v health_n enough_o for_o this_o business_n yea_o and_o even_o in_o other_o occasion_n as_o also_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o sickness_n itself_o the_o true_a prayer_n may_v be_v make_v since_o it_o be_v the_o soul_n which_o love_v by_o offer_v up_o that_o pain_n to_o almighty_a god_n and_o in_o remember_v for_o who_o it_o be_v endure_v and_o in_o conform_v one_o self_n to_o god_n holy_a will_n therein_o and_o in_o a_o thousand_o such_o other_o thing_n as_o will_v occur_v and_o thus_o may_v one_o exercise_v love_n for_o there_o be_v no_o necessity_n at_o all_o for_o a_o person_n either_o to_o be_v in_o solitude_n or_o else_o that_o there_o must_v be_v no_o mental_a prayer_n at_o all_o if_o we_o will_v take_v a_o little_a care_n we_o may_v arrive_v to_o obtain_v great_a blessing_n at_o those_o time_n when_o our_o lord_n even_o take_v time_n for_o prayer_n from_o we_o by_o mean_n of_o our_o sickness_n and_o pain_n and_o myself_o have_v find_v this_o to_o be_v true_a as_o long_o as_o my_o conscience_n be_v pure_a and_o good_a but_o my_o father_n through_o the_o opinion_n which_o he_o hold_v of_o i_o and_o the_o love_n he_o bear_v i_o believe_v all_o that_o i_o have_v say_v or_o rather_o he_o not_o only_o believe_v but_o have_v also_o pity_n of_o i_o though_o yet_o be_v then_o grow_v to_o find_v himself_o in_o so_o eminent_a and_o high_a a_o state_n of_o spiritual_a life_n he_o remain_v not_o with_o i_o very_o long_o and_o therefore_o have_v visit_v i_o he_o return_v home_o as_o hold_v his_o stay_n there_o to_o be_v loss_n of_o time_n and_o i_o who_o be_v willing_a to_o spend_v it_o upon_o other_o vanity_n be_v not_o trouble_v very_o much_o at_o his_o departure_n it_o be_v not_o only_o with_o he_o but_o with_o other_o person_n also_o who_o i_o procure_v that_o they_o shall_v addict_v themselves_o to_o mental_a prayer_n even_o whilst_o i_o be_v walk_v on_o in_o those_o vanity_n for_o still_o as_o i_o find_v they_o apt_a to_o use_v vocal_a prayer_n i_o tell_v they_o how_o they_o shall_v grow_v to_o have_v the_o use_n of_o meditation_n and_o i_o do_v they_o good_a and_o give_v they_o book_n for_o i_o have_v still_o a_o good_a desire_n that_o other_o shall_v serve_v almighty_a god_n even_o from_o the_o very_a first_o time_n that_o i_o use_v mental_a prayer_n as_o i_o have_v relate_v here_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o since_o now_o i_o serve_v not_o our_o lord_n myself_o so_o well_o as_o i_o shall_v yet_o i_o like_v not_o that_o that_o light_n shall_v be_v lose_v which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o but_o that_o other_o might_n also_o serve_v he_o by_o my_o mean_n and_o this_o i_o here_o recount_v that_o so_o the_o great_a blindness_n wherein_o i_o be_v may_v be_v the_o better_o see_v which_o induce_v i_o to_o make_v i_o loose_v myself_o whilst_o yet_o i_o go_v procure_v to_o do_v good_a to_o other_o about_o this_o time_n my_o father_n fall_v into_o the_o sickness_n whereof_o he_o die_v short_o after_o but_o i_o go_v to_o attend_v and_o recover_v he_o whilst_o myself_o be_v more_o sick_a in_o soul_n than_o he_o be_v in_o body_n through_o many_o vanity_n of_o i_o though_o yet_o not_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o according_a to_o my_o understanding_n i_o be_v in_o mortal_a sin_n even_o in_o all_o this_o worst_a &_o wicked_a time_n whereof_o i_o speak_v for_o certain_o if_o i_o have_v conceive_v otherwise_o i_o shall_v by_o no_o mean_n have_v continue_v therein_o i_o endure_v some_o affliction_n and_o trouble_v in_o his_o sickness_n and_o i_o think_v i_o also_o make_v he_o some_o part_n of_o poor_a amends_o for_o the_o pain_n which_o he_o have_v take_v with_o i_o in_o i_o for_o now_o be_v ill_a enough_o in_o myself_o i_o yet_o strain_v very_o hard_o to_o do_v he_o service_n and_o beside_o i_o well_o consider_v that_o by_o the_o only_o loss_n of_o he_o all_o my_o comfort_n and_o regalo_n be_v to_o be_v lose_v for_o it_o all_o be_v shut_v up_o in_o only_o he_o i_o animate_v myself_o also_o so_o much_o towards_z the_o not_o show_v he_o that_o i_o be_v in_o any_o pain_n and_o in_o continue_v so_o even_o till_o he_o expire_v as_o if_o i_o have_v feel_v no_o trouble_n at_o all_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o when_o i_o see_v he_o come_v to_o be_v upon_o the_o very_a point_n to_o loose_v his_o life_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o as_o if_o my_o own_o very_a soul_n have_v then_o be_v tear_v out_o of_o my_o body_n for_o i_o love_v he_o much_o it_o be_v a_o thing_n to_o make_v our_o lord_n be_v high_o praise_v to_o see_v the_o death_n which_o my_o father_n die_v together_o with_o the_o desire_n which_o he_o also_o have_v to_o die_v and_o the_o counsel_n which_o he_o give_v we_o after_o he_o have_v receive_v extreme_a unction_n and_o how_o he_o charge_v we_o to_o recommend_v he_o to_o god_n and_o that_o we_o shall_v beg_v mercy_n of_o he_o for_o his_o soul_n and_o that_o we_o must_v serve_v he_o ever_o and_o consider_v that_o all_o this_o world_n must_v come_v to_o end_v with_o tear_n he_o also_o tell_v we_o how_o sad_a he_o be_v at_o the_o hart_n for_o not_o have_v serve_v his_o divine_a majesty_n better_o that_o he_o wish_v he_o be_v some_o religious_a man_n i_o mean_v that_o he_o have_v be_v so_o and_o that_o of_o the_o most_o strict_a who_o be_v in_o the_o world_n and_o i_o hold_v it_o for_o very_o certain_a that_o some_o fifteen_o day_n before_o our_o lord_n give_v he_o to_o understand_v that_o he_o be_v not_o to_o live_v because_o before_o that_o very_a time_n he_o do_v not_o think_v he_o be_v sick_a though_o yet_o he_o be_v so_o in_o good_a earnest_n but_o afterward_o though_o he_o seem_v to_o mend_v much_o in_o point_n of_o health_n and_o though_o the_o doctor_n bid_v he_o believe_v that_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n at_o all_o yet_o he_o make_v no_o account_n of_o that_o but_o only_o attend_v to_o put_v his_o soul_n in_o good_a order_n that_o sickness_n of_o he_o begin_v with_o a_o very_a grievous_a pain_n round_o about_o his_o shoulder_n which_o never_o leave_v he_o and_o sometime_o it_o press_v he_o
that_o i_o shall_v shed_v those_o tear_n do_v show_v i_o favour_n enough_o for_o his_o part_n since_o i_o forget_v the_o sense_n and_o tenderness_n thereof_o so_o soon_o and_o i_o recommend_v myself_o to_o that_o glorious_a saint_n that_o she_o may_v help_v i_o to_o obtain_v pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o i_o conceive_v that_o i_o profit_v the_o more_o in_o that_o last_o time_n when_o i_o pray_v before_o the_o picture_n because_o then_o note_n i_o be_v grow_v into_o very_o great_a distrust_n of_o myself_o and_o place_v all_o my_o confidence_n in_o almighty_a god_n to_o my_o think_n i_o tell_v he_o then_o that_o i_o will_v blessing_n never_o rise_v from_o thence_o till_o he_o grant_v i_o the_o humble_a suit_n which_o i_o have_v make_v and_o i_o be_o full_o of_o opinion_n that_o it_o do_v i_o good_a for_o i_o have_v go_v improve_v much_o ever_o since_o that_o time_n now_o i_o continue_v to_o hold_v this_o manner_n of_o prayer_n because_o not_o be_v able_a to_o discourse_v with_o my_o understanding_n i_o procure_v to_o represent_v christ_n our_o lord_n to_o my_o mind_n as_o be_v then_o within_o my_o very_a self_n and_o jever_n also_o find_v it_o to_o prove_v better_o with_o i_o in_o my_o opinion_n when_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o find_v he_o all_o alone_a for_o he_o be_v alone_o and_o i_o be_v so_o much_o afflict_v i_o think_v he_o be_v to_o admit_v i_o yea_o and_o to_o assist_v i_o too_o as_o a_o person_n who_o be_v in_o necessity_n and_o misery_n of_o this_o kind_n of_o simplicity_n i_o have_v many_o and_o in_o particular_a i_o use_v to_o find_v myself_o very_o well_o in_o the_o prayer_n of_o the_o garden_n yea_o and_o i_o be_v in_o my_o kingdom_n when_o i_o may_v accompany_v he_o there_o i_o think_v also_o much_o upon_o that_o sweat_n together_o with_o the_o great_a affliction_n which_o he_o sustain_v then_o and_o i_o wish_v that_o i_o may_v have_v be_v permit_v to_o wipe_v that_o most_o painful_a sweat_n from_o his_o face_n but_o i_o remember_v how_o in_o fine_a i_o never_o dare_v resolve_v to_o presume_v to_o do_v it_o so_o grievous_o do_v my_o sin_n represent_v themselves_o to_o i_o howsoever_o i_o remain_v there_o by_o he_o as_o long_o as_o my_o thought_n will_v give_v i_o leave_v but_o the_o truth_n be_v i_o have_v store_n of_o such_o as_o torment_v i_o most_o night_n during_o many_o year_n before_o i_o go_v to_o rest_v and_o when_o i_o be_v recommend_v myself_o to_o god_n ere_o i_o sleep_v i_o ever_o think_v a_o little_a upon_o this_o passage_n of_o his_o prayer_n in_o the_o garden_n and_o that_o even_o before_o i_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n for_o they_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o may_v gain_v many_o indulgence_n by_o it_o and_o at_o least_o i_o be_o of_o opinion_n that_o my_o soul_n get_v much_o by_o this_o mean_n because_o thus_o i_o begin_v to_o make_v mental_a prayer_n even_o without_o express_o know_v what_o it_o be_v and_o then_o it_o be_v as_o usual_a for_o i_o not_o to_o omit_v this_o custom_n as_o not_o to_o fail_v of_o blessing_n myself_o with_o the_o sign_n of_o the_o cross_n before_o sleep_v but_o to_o return_v to_o what_o i_o be_v say_v of_o the_o torment_n which_o my_o thought_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o this_o manner_n of_o proceed_v without_o discourse_n of_o the_o understanding_n have_v this_o in_o it_o that_o the_o soul_n must_v both_o gain_v much_o and_o loose_a much_o i_o mean_v all_o consideration_n and_o discourse_n be_v lose_v for_o as_o for_o profit_v they_o profit_v much_o who_o use_v it_o since_o all_o such_o prayer_n be_v love._n but_o to_o arrive_v to_o this_o point_n &_o pitch_n it_o will_v cost_v every_o body_n a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n except_o such_o as_o our_o lord_n vouchsafe_v to_o conduct_v in_o a_o short_a time_n to_o quiet_a prayer_n of_o which_o kind_n i_o know_v some_o and_o for_o they_o who_o go_v by_o this_o way_n it_o will_v be_v good_a to_o have_v some_o book_n or_o other_o at_o hand_n that_o so_o they_o may_v recollect_v themselves_o quick_o as_o for_o i_o it_o do_v i_o also_o good_a to_o look_v upon_o field_n or_o flower_n or_o water_n for_o in_o these_o thing_n do_v i_o find_v the_o memory_n of_o our_o creator_n as_o i_o also_o do_v in_o my_o own_o ingratitude_n and_o sin_n all_o which_o particular_n be_v wont_a to_o awake_v i_o and_o recollect_v i_o and_o to_o serve_v i_o in_o stead_n of_o a_o book_n for_o as_o for_o heaven_n and_o such_o high_a thing_n as_o that_o my_o understanding_n be_v so_o dull_a that_o i_o can_v never_o i_o say_v never_o be_v able_a to_o have_v or_o frame_v any_o imagination_n or_o fancy_n concern_v they_o till_o our_o lord_n represent_v they_o to_o i_o by_o other_o mean_n and_o i_o have_v so_o very_o little_a ability_n to_o represent_v thing_n to_o my_o mind_n by_o way_n of_o the_o understanding-part_n that_o my_o imagination_n serve_v i_o not_o to_o work_v upon_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o what_o i_o see_v with_o my_o eye_n which_o yet_o other_o be_v able_a enough_o to_o do_v who_o know_v how_o to_o form_v certain_a representation_n of_o thing_n to_o themselves_o upon_o which_o they_o can_v recollect_v their_o thought_n for_o my_o part_n i_o can_v only_o think_v upon_o christ_n our_o lord_n as_o man_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o how_o much_o soever_o i_o read_v of_o his_o beauty_n or_o see_v his_o picture_n yet_o can_v i_o never_o represent_v he_o to_o myself_o but_o just_a so_o as_o one_o who_o be_v either_o in_o the_o dark_a or_o else_o stark_o blind_a may_v be_v able_a at_o that_o very_a time_n to_o represent_v any_o other_o person_n to_o himself_o for_o though_o such_o a_o one_o may_v speak_v with_o such_o another_o &_o know_v that_o he_o be_v with_o that_o person_n because_o he_o be_v sure_a that_o the_o say_a person_n be_v there_o yet_o in_o fine_a he_o do_v but_o understand_v and_o believe_v he_o to_o be_v there_o for_o he_o see_v he_o not_o and_o in_o this_o sort_n do_v it_o happen_v to_o i_o when_o i_o think_v of_o our_o lord_n upon_o this_o reason_n be_v i_o so_o great_a a_o friend_n and_o favourer_n of_o the_o use_n of_o image_n or_o holy_a picture_n miserable_a creature_n be_v they_o who_o lose_v this_o benefit_n through_o their_o own_o fault_n and_o it_o appear_v also_o well_o enough_o that_o they_o do_v not_o love_v our_o lord_n for_o if_o they_o love_v he_o they_o will_v be_v glad_a to_o see_v his_o picture_n as_o here_o it_o give_v we_o contentment_n so_o see_v the_o picture_n of_o those_o person_n who_o we_o love_v about_o this_o time_n they_o give_v i_o the_o confession_n of_o s._n augustin_n and_o it_o seem_v our_o lord_n do_v so_o ordain_v it_o for_o neither_o do_v i_o procure_v they_o nor_o have_v i_o ever_o see_v they_o i_o bear_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n to_o this_o saint_n because_o the_o monastery_n where_o i_o live_v before_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v religious_a be_v of_o his_o order_n and_o beside_o in_o regard_n that_o he_o have_v be_v a_o sinner_n for_o i_o always_o find_v particular_a comfort_n in_o those_o saint_n who_o after_o have_v be_v sinner_n be_v convert_v to_o our_o lord_n as_o conceave_a that_o i_o shall_v have_v help_n by_o their_o mean_n and_o that_o our_o lord_n may_v also_o be_v induce_v to_o forgive_v i_o as_o he_o have_v do_v they_o save_o only_o that_o i_o be_v discomfort_a by_o this_o consideration_n as_o i_o have_v say_v before_o that_o our_o lord_n call_v they_o but_o once_o and_o they_o return_v not_o to_o fall_v from_o he_o any_o more_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o have_v fall_v so_o often_o that_o it_o afflict_v i_o to_o the_o very_a hart_n but_o yet_o still_o when_o i_o consider_v the_o love_n he_o bear_v i_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v encourage_v again_o for_o i_o never_o disinherit_v his_o mercy_n though_o i_o doubt_v of_o myself_o very_o often_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n how_o mighty_o do_v that_o obstinate_a stiffness_n amaze_v i_o to_o which_o my_o soul_n must_v needs_o have_v be_v subject_a whilst_o it_o receive_v so_o many_o help_n at_o thy_o hand_n and_o all_o in_o vain_a and_o it_o strike_v i_o with_o much_o fear_n to_o consider_v how_o little_a i_o be_v able_a to_o win_v upon_o myself_o all_o that_o while_n and_o how_o i_o remain_v still_o bind_v up_o from_o resolve_v to_o give_v myself_o whole_o to_o thou_o but_o when_o once_o i_o begin_v to_o read_v the_o say_a confession_n i_o think_v that_o case_n which_o have_v be_v he_o be_v also_o now_o direct_o i_o own_o and_o i_o recommend_v myself_o much_o to_o that_o glorious_a saint_n but_o when_o i_o come_v afterward_o to_o his_o conversion_n and_o read_v how_o he_o hear_v that_o voice_n
any_o because_o then_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o multiply_v our_o virtue_n by_o that_o mean_n the_o twelve_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v her_o discourse_n of_o the_o first_o state_n or_o degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o declare_v how_o far_o we_o may_v arrive_v of_o ourselves_o by_o the_o favour_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o of_o the_o hurt_n it_o bring_v to_o desire_v that_o our_o spirit_n may_v rise_v to_o supernatural_a and_o extraordinary_a thing_n till_o our_o lord_n himself_o be_v please_v to_o ordain_v it_o that_o which_o i_o pretend_v to_o give_v to_o be_v understand_v in_o the_o last_o chapter_n though_o yet_o i_o divert_v myself_o much_o upon_o other_o thing_n in_o regard_n that_o i_o think_v they_o very_o necessary_a be_v to_o declare_v how_o much_o we_o may_v be_v able_a to_o acquire_v and_o how_o in_o this_o first_o part_n of_o our_o devotion_n we_o may_v to_o some_o proportion_n help_v ourselves_o because_o the_o consider_v and_o ruminate_v upon_o that_o which_o our_o lord_n suffer_v for_o we_o be_v wont_a to_o move_v we_o to_o compassion_n and_o the_o sorrow_n and_o tear_n which_o grow_v from_o thence_o be_v a_o very_a savoury_a and_o delightful_a kind_n of_o thing_n and_o so_o to_o think_v of_o the_o glory_n for_o which_o we_o hope_v and_o of_o the_o love_n which_o our_o lord_n bear_v we_o as_o also_o of_o his_o resurrection_n move_v we_o to_o joy_n which_o be_v neither_o whole_o spiritual_a nor_o whole_o sensual_a but_o this_o be_v a_o virtuous_a kind_n of_o joy_n on_o the_o one_o side_n as_o on_o the_o other_o that_o former_a pain_n be_v very_o meritorious_a and_o of_o this_o sort_n be_v all_o those_o thing_n which_o cause_n any_o such_o devotion_n as_o be_v acquire_v in_o part_n by_o the_o understanding_n though_o yet_o there_o be_v no_o merit_n nor_o gain_v therein_o unless_o almighty_a god_n be_v please_v to_o give_v it_o but_o now_o it_o will_v be_v very_o fit_a for_o a_o soul_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v not_o raise_v any_o high_a not_o to_o procure_v to_o exalt_v herself_o and_o let_v this_o be_v very_o well_o note_v for_o the_o contrary_a course_n will_v help_v she_o to_o nothing_o but_o loss_n in_o this_o degree_n or_o state_n she_o may_v perform_v many_o good_a act_n by_o way_n of_o resolve_v to_o do_v great_a thing_n for_o almighty_a god_n and_o to_o awake_v and_o stirr-up_a her_o love_n and_o other_o also_o by_o way_n of_o assist_v herself_o to_o grow-up_a in_o several_a virtue_n according_a to_o what_o be_v contain_v in_o a_o certain_a book_n call_v the_o art_n of_o serve_v god_n which_o be_v a_o very_a good_a one_o and_o very_o proper_a for_o such_o as_o find_v themselves_o in_o this_o state_n because_o the_o understanding_n do_v act_n and_o exercise_v itself_o here_o she_o may_v also_o represent_v herself_o as_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n and_o accustom_v herself_o to_o be_v great_o enamour_v with_o his_o most_o sacred_a humanity_n and_o to_o be_v ever_o carry_v that_o along_o in_o her_o company_n and_o to_o be_v often_o speak_v to_o it_o and_o to_o beg_v his_o continual_a assistance_n in_o all_o her_o necessity_n and_o even_o to_o complain_v to_o he_o of_o her_o affliction_n and_o to_o joy_v with_o he_o for_o her_o contentment_n and_o gust_n but_o yet_o not_o to_o forget_v he_o upon_o occasion_n thereof_o and_o all_o this_o without_o procure_v to_o express_v herself_o in_o any_o set_v kind_a of_o prayer_n but_o to_o make_v use_n of_o such_o word_n alone_o as_o may_v have_v conformity_n with_o her_o own_o necessity_n and_o desire_n this_o be_v a_o note_n excellent_a way_n of_o find_v profit_n and_o that_o in_o a_o very_a short_a time_n and_o whosoever_o shall_v earnest_o labour_v to_o carry_v this_o precious_a company_n with_o himself_o and_o shall_v have_v proceed_v well_o therein_o and_o shall_v have_v find_v the_o way_n of_o love_a in_o very_o good_a earnest_n this_o lord_n of_o we_o to_o who_o we_o owe_v so_o much_o i_o will_v give_v and_o pass_v my_o word_n that_o this_o person_n be_v a_o very_a good_a proficient_a for_o this_o purpose_n let_v it_o not_o trouble_v we_o a_o whitt_n not_o to_o find_v ourselves_o with_o sensible_a devotion_n as_o i_o have_v say_v but_o let_v we_o give_v thanks_n to_o our_o lord_n for_o give_v we_o so_o good_a desire_n to_o please_v he_o though_o our_o work_n be_v weak_a this_o way_n of_o carry_v christ_n our_o lord_n in_o our_o company_n be_v very_o useful_a in_o all_o the_o four_o state_n and_o degree_n of_o prayer_n it_o be_v a_o most_o secure_a and_o safe_a mean_n to_o go_v profit_v in_o the_o first_o degree_n and_o that_o we_o shall_v get_v quick_o to_o the_o second_o and_o then_o to_o be_v free_a also_o in_o the_o two_o last_o from_o those_o danger_n which_o the_o devil_n may_v provide_v for_o us._n for_o this_o in_o fine_a be_v that_o which_o we_o may_v be_v able_a to_o do_v and_o for_o any_o body_n to_o passe-up_a from_o hence_o and_o to_o exalt_v his_o spirit_n towards_o the_o feel_n of_o certain_a gust_n which_o be_v not_o allow_v he_o be_v but_o in_o my_o opinion_n to_o loose_v both_o the_o one_o and_o the_o other_o because_o in_o fine_a that_o be_v all_o supernatural_a and_o so_o the_o understanding_n be_v at_o a_o stand_v and_o lose_v the_o soul_n remain_v all_o desolate_a and_o with_o great_a dryness_n and_o since_o this_o whole_a building_n be_v ground_v upon_o humility_n the_o near_o we_o grow_v to_o almighty_a god_n the_o more_o shall_v we_o proceed_v and_o profit_n in_o this_o virtue_n and_o if_o we_o do_v not_o this_o all_o be_v lose_v and_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v no_o better_o than_o a_o kind_n of_o pride_n if_o we_o desire_v to_o get-up_a to_o a_o high_a rank_n since_o god_n do_v we_o but_o too_o much_o honour_n and_o favour_n consider_v how_o unworthy_a we_o be_v in_o suffer_v we_o to_o be_v so_o near_o to_o himself_o but_o now_o it_o must_v not_o be_v so_o understand_v as_o if_o i_o speak_v all_o this_o against_o raising-up_a our_o thought_n to_o consider_v the_o high_a thing_n of_o heaven_n or_o of_o god_n or_o of_o the_o greatness_n which_o be_v there_o above_o as_o also_o of_o his_o incomparable_a wisdom_n for_o though_o i_o never_o do_v this_o because_o i_o have_v no_o ability_n for_o this_o purpose_n as_o i_o have_v say_v and_o i_o find_v myself_o so_o miserable_a and_o so_o mean_a that_o god_n do_v i_o particular_a favour_n to_o enable_v i_o to_o think_v of_o earthly_a thing_n by_o mean_n whereof_o i_o may_v come_v afterward_o to_o understand_v this_o truth_n for_o even_o this_o be_v no_o small_a adventure_n for_o i_o and_o how_o much_o more_o be_v it_o so_o to_o consider_v celestial_a thing_n yet_o other_o may_v take_v benefit_n hereby_o and_o especial_o if_o they_o have_v learning_n and_o knowledge_n which_o be_v in_o my_o opinion_n a_o great_a treasure_n towards_o this_o exercise_n of_o prayer_n if_o it_o be_v accompany_v with_o humility_n i_o have_v see_v the_o truth_n of_o this_o very_o late_o by_o occasion_n of_o some_o learned_a man_n who_o begin_v not_o long_o ago_o and_o yet_o have_v proceed_v and_o profit_v very_o much_o which_o make_v i_o have_v a_o earnest_n and_o even_o a_o kind_n of_o impatient_a desire_n that_o many_o such_o as_o be_v learned_a will_v grow_v to_o be_v very_o spiritual_a man_n whereof_o i_o shall_v give_v the_o reason_n hereafter_o but_o now_o that_o which_o i_o have_v say_v namely_o that_o man_n must_v not_o exalt_v themselves_o to_o rise_v high_o than_o god_n do_v raise_v they_o be_v a_o certain_a kind_n of_o language_n of_o spirit_n and_o he_o will_v understand_v i_o who_o have_v experience_n of_o it_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o express_v it_o if_o he_o know_v not_o how_o to_o understand_v i_o by_o what_o i_o have_v say_v in_o mystical_a theology_n whereof_o i_o begin_v to_o speak_v the_o understanding_n cease_v from_o work_v because_o almighty_a god_n themselves_o suspend_v it_o as_o i_o will_v declare_v hereafter_o if_o i_o be_v able_a and_o if_o he_o give_v i_o grace_n for_o that_o purpose_n but_o as_o for_o we_o to_o presume_v yea_o or_o so_o much_o as_o to_o think_v of_o suspend_v it_o be_v that_o which_o i_o be_o say_v we_o shall_v not_o do_v nor_o must_v we_o leave_v to_o act_v and_o work_v thereby_o and_o therewith_o for_o if_o we_o do_v we_o shall_v be_v stupid_a and_o sottish_a and_o cold_a and_o we_o shall_v effect_v neither_o the_o one_o nor_o the_o other_o but_o when_o our_o lord_n suspend_v and_o stopp_n it_o he_o furnish_v it_o with_o matter_n upon_o which_o the_o party_n may_v employ_v himself_o and_o at_o which_o he_o may_v be_v amaze_v and_o he_o make_v he_o understand_v more_o in_o the_o time_n and_o space_n of_o say_v one_o
be_v never_o so_o much_o alone_o though_o yet_o i_o feel_v still_o that_o i_o know_v there_o be_v a_o god_n and_o i_o find_v also_o that_o it_o be_v my_o imagination_n and_o my_o understanding_n which_o do_v i_o so_o much_o hurt_v in_o these_o occasion_n and_o cafe_v for_o as_o for_o my_o will_n i_o think_v it_o stand_v right_a in_o i_o and_o that_o it_o be_v dispose_v to_o all_o goodness_n but_o this_o understanding_n of_o i_o be_v so_o entire_o lose_v that_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v no_o other_o thing_n than_o some_o furious_a and_o mad_a kind_n of_o fool_n who_o no_o body_n be_v able_a to_o bind_v nor_o be_o i_o so_o far_a mistress_n thereof_o as_o that_o i_o can_v make_v it_o quiet_a for_o one_o credo_fw-la sometime_o i_o fall_v on_o laugh_v and_o yet_o then_o do_v i_o know_v my_o misery_n and_o stand_v look_v upon_o my_o soul_n and_o permit_v she_o to_o do_v what_o she_o will_v and_o yet_o our_o lord_n be_v thank_v she_o never_o by_o any_o mean_n apply_v herself_o to_o any_o thing_n which_o be_v ill_a but_o only_o about_o thing_n which_o be_v indifferent_a if_o there_o be_v any_o thing_n which_o may_v occur_v to_o be_v do_v either_o here_o or_o there_o or_o any_o where_o else_o but_o thus_o i_o come_v to_o know_v better_o the_o incomparable_a mercy_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o upon_o his_o tying-up_a this_o mad_a fool_n when_o we_o be_v in_o perfect_a contemplation_n and_o here_o i_o consider_v what_o will_v become_v of_o i_o if_o such_o person_n as_o hold_v i_o now_o for_o good_a can_v discern_v i_o to_o have_v these_o idleness_n and_o impertinency_n which_o i_o have_v describe_v here_o but_o now_o i_o have_v very_o great_a compassion_n of_o a_o soul_n to_o find_v she_o in_o so_o ill_a company_n as_o this_o i_o will_v fain_o see_v she_o rather_o in_o liberty_n and_o i_o express_v myself_o in_o this_o manner_n to_o our_o bless_a lord_n when_o o_o my_o god_n shall_v i_o arrive_v to_o see_v my_o soul_n all_o conjoin_a and_o unite_v together_o in_o celebrate_v thy_o praise_n that_o so_o all_o the_o power_n thereof_o may_v admire_v thou_o permit_v not_o heerafrer_n o_o lord_n that_o she_o wander_v up_o and_o down_o by_o piece_n for_o now_o it_o seem_v no_o otherwise_o then_o as_o if_o every_o one_o of_o the_o same_o power_n be_v run_v up_o and_o down_o in_o a_o several_a way_n these_o thing_n pass_v thus_o very_o often_o and_o i_o understand_v also_o very_o well_o that_o sometime_o the_o little_a corporal_a health_n i_o have_v contribute_v much_o to_o these_o inconvenience_n i_o also_o reflect_v much_o by_o these_o occasion_n upon_o the_o hurt_n which_o the_o sin_n of_o our_o first_o parent_n have_v do_v we_o for_o i_o think_v it_o be_v grow_v from_o thence_o that_o we_o be_v incapable_a to_o enjoy_v so_o great_a a_o good_a and_o my_o own_o sin_n be_v a_o great_a part_n of_o the_o cause_n for_o certain_o if_o i_o have_v not_o commit_v so_o many_o i_o shall_v have_v remain_v more_o entire_a and_o free_a towards_o the_o do_n of_o good_a i_o be_v subject_a also_o by_o time_n to_o another_o very_a great_a inconvenience_n for_o conceave_a that_o i_o understand_v all_o the_o book_n that_o treat_v of_o prayer_n which_o i_o come_v to_o read_v and_o that_o already_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v do_v i_o some_o such_o kind_n of_o favour_n as_o that_o i_o need_v they_o not_o for_o this_o reason_n i_o do_v not_o read_v they_o but_o apply_v myself_o to_o read_v the_o live_v of_o saint_n and_o find_v myself_o also_o very_o short_a in_o that_o wherein_o they_o have_v so_o heroical_o serve_v almighty_a god_n this_o seem_v to_o do_v i_o good_a and_o give_v i_o strength_n but_o yet_o i_o think_v this_o be_v a_o sign_n of_o little_a humility_n for_o i_o to_o think_v that_o i_o be_v already_o arrive_v to_o hold_v that_o degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o not_o be_v able_a to_o quiet_v myself_o otherwise_o i_o continue_v much_o in_o pain_n till_o certain_a learned_a man_n and_o particular_o that_o bless_a creature_n fray_n pedro_fw-la de_fw-fr alcantara_n declare_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v not_o to_o be_v trouble_v at_o that_o i_o be_o not_o ignorant_a that_o in_o the_o serve_v of_o almighty_a god_n i_o have_v not_o yet_o so_o much_o as_o begin_v though_o yet_o the_o way_n which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v hold_v in_o do_v i_o favour_n be_v the_o same_o which_o he_o have_v use_v towards_o such_o as_o be_v good_a whereas_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_o no_o more_o than_o a_o direct_a downright_a mere_a imperfection_n unless_o it_o be_v in_o my_o desire_n to_o love_v he_o for_o in_o this_o indeed_o i_o see_v well_o that_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v i_o favour_n that_o so_o i_o may_v perform_v some_o little_a thing_n for_o he_o i_o confess_v i_o think_v i_o love_v he_o but_o my_o action_n and_o the_o many_o imperfection_n which_o i_o discern_v therein_o give_v i_o great_a discomfort_n at_o other_o time_n my_o soul_n fall_v into_o a_o kind_n of_o foolery_n for_o so_o it_o be_v when_o i_o think_v i_o do_v neither_o good_a nor_o ill_a but_o follow_v on_o after_o the_o walk_n of_o other_o folk_n and_o this_o neither_o with_o pain_n nor_o glory_n nor_o with_o thought_n of_o life_n or_o death_n nor_o gust_n nor_o trouble_n yea_o i_o think_v she_o feel_v nothing_o at_o all_o but_o rather_o seem_v to_o i_o to_o walk_v on_o like_o some_o little_a ass_n who_o seed_n and_o sustain_v himself_o because_o they_o give_v he_o somewhat_o to_o eat_v and_o he_o eat_v almost_o without_o think_v what_o he_o be_v do_v for_o the_o soul_n when_o she_o be_v in_o this_o state_n be_v not_o likely_a to_o be_v without_o feed_v upon_o some_o great_a favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n since_o she_o be_v not_o trouble_v with_o live_v in_o so_o miserable_a a_o life_n as_o this_o but_o pass_v through_o it_o with_o patience_n and_o equality_n of_o mind_n but_o yet_o these_o motion_n and_o effect_n be_v not_o find_v by_o she_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o the_o soul_n be_v make_v to_o understand_v herself_o by_o they_o it_o seem_v now_o also_o to_o i_o to_o be_v as_o when_o man_n sail_v at_o sea_n by_o the_o breath_n of_o a_o sweet_a and_o gentle_a wind_n for_o then_o we_o ride_v much_o way_n though_o we_o scarce_o know_v how_o whereas_o in_o those_o other_o condition_n the_o effect_n be_v so_o very_o great_a that_o the_o soul_n do_v almost_o instant_o discern_v she_o own_o improvement_n for_o instant_o do_v her_o desire_n boil_v up_o and_o the_o soul_n can_v never_o satisfy_v herself_o but_o they_o to_o who_o almighty_a god_n impart_v such_o impetuosity_n of_o love_n do_v find_v such_o operation_n as_o these_o this_o be_v like_o certain_a little_a spring_n which_o i_o have_v observe_v to_o rise_v and_o where_o the_o sand_n never_o cease_v to_o move_v upward_o and_o this_o example_n and_o comparison_n of_o soul_n which_o be_v arrive_v to_o this_o state_n seem_v very_o natural_a to_o i_o for_o love_n will_v be_v ever_o boil_v upward_o and_o consider_v and_o devise_v about_o what_o it_o may_v be_v able_a to_o do_v and_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n be_v contain_v in_o itself_o as_o it_o seem_v the_o water_n whereof_o i_o speak_v be_v not_o able_a to_o continue_v in_o the_o earth_n which_o still_o be_v cast_v it_o up_o from_o thence_o and_o just_o so_o be_v it_o very_o usual_a for_o the_o soul_n not_o to_o be_v at_o quiet_a or_o in_o contentment_n with_o herself_o through_o the_o love_n she_o bear_v to_o almighty_a god_n but_o she_o be_v so_o bathe_v and_o soak_v and_o fill_v with_o it_o that_o she_o wish_n that_o other_o will_v drink_v too_o since_o for_o her_o part_n she_o can_v want_v that_o so_o they_o may_v assist_v she_o to_o sing_v the_o praise_n of_o almighty_a god_n o_o how_o often_o do_v i_o call_v to_o mind_n that_o live_a water_n whereof_o our_o lord_n speak_v to_o the_o samaritan_n as_o indeed_o i_o be_o very_o much_o devote_a to_o that_o gospel_n and_o real_o it_o be_v most_o true_a that_o i_o be_v so_o even_o from_o my_o childhood_n though_o i_o do_v not_o then_o understand_v this_o benefit_n as_o now_o i_o do_v but_o i_o often_o beseech_v our_o lord_n to_o bestow_v of_o this_o water_n upon_o i_o and_o always_o i_o have_v the_o image_n or_o figure_n of_o it_o at_o hand_n with_o this_o motto_n or_o word_n of_o she_o when_o he_o be_v so_o near_o the_o well_o domine_fw-la da_fw-la mihi_fw-la hanc_fw-la aquam_fw-la o_o lord_n bestow_v this_o water_n upon_o i_o it_o seem_v also_o to_o i_o that_o as_o a_o fire_n which_o be_v very_o great_a needs_o matter_n upon_o which_o to_o work_v to_o the_o end_n that_o it_o may_v not_o be_v extinguish_v so_o also_o for_o
have_v begin_v to_o obey_v she_o also_o declare_v for_o how_o little_a purpose_n it_o serve_v to_o resist_v the_o favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o how_o his_o divine_a majesty_n go_v daily_o impart_v they_o to_o she_o after_o a_o more_o complete_a manner_n chap._n 25._o she_o treat_v here_o of_o the_o way_n and_o manner_n of_o understand_v those_o word_n or_o speech_n which_o almighty_a god_n be_v please_v to_o utter_v to_o the_o soul_n though_o yet_o without_o hear_v any_o voice_n or_o sound_n and_o of_o some_o error_n or_o abuse_n which_o may_v happen_v herein_o and_o how_o the_o right_a may_v be_v know_v from_o the_o wrong_n it_o be_v of_o much_o use_n and_o profit_n for_o such_o as_o see_v themselves_o in_o this_o degree_n of_o prayer_n for_o it_o be_v declare_v very_o well_o and_o the_o doctrine_n contain_v great_a instruction_n 26._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n and_o go_v relate_v and_o declare_v such_o thing_n as_o happen_v to_o she_o which_o make_v she_o to_o loose_a fear_n and_o to_o be_v strengthen_v in_o a_o belief_n that_o it_o be_v a_o good_a spirit_n which_o speak_v to_o she_o 27._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o another_o way_n how_o our_o lord_n instruct_v a_o soul_n and_o give_v she_o to_o understand_v his_o will_n after_o a_o very_a admirable_a manner_n without_o any_o speech_n at_o all_o she_o also_o declare_v a_o certain_a vision_n and_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n show_v she_o and_o this_o vision_n be_v not_o imaginary_a this_o chaepter_n be_v very_o much_o to_o be_v note_v 28._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n do_v she_o and_o how_o he_o appear_v to_o she_o the_o first_o time_n she_o declare_v that_o it_o be_v a_o vision_n which_o show_v itself_o by_o way_n of_o the_o imagination_n and_o discover_v the_o great_a effect_n and_o testimony_n which_o such_o thing_n leave_v in_o the_o soul_n when_o they_o be_v of_o almighty_a god_n this_o chapter_n be_v of_o great_a instruction_n and_o deserve_v to_o be_v note_v much_o 29._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v the_o discourse_n which_o she_o have_v begin_v and_o relate_v some_o high_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v she_o and_o what_o his_o divine_a majesty_n do_v further_o for_o the_o secure_n and_o encourage_a her_o mind_n and_o for_o the_o enable_v she_o to_o answer_n her_o contradictour_n 30._o chap._n she_o return_v to_o recount_v the_o course_n of_o her_o life_n and_o how_o our_o lord_n give_v remedy_n to_o many_o of_o her_o trouble_n by_o bring_v that_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n of_o the_o order_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n francis_n to_o the_o place_n where_o she_o be_v and_o she_o declare_v the_o great_a temptation_n and_o inward_a trouble_n which_o sometime_o she_o endure_v 31_o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o certain_a exterior_a temptation_n and_o representation_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o of_o the_o torment_n which_o he_o give_v she_o she_o speak_v also_o of_o other_o thing_n which_o be_v very_o fit_a for_o the_o advice_n and_o instruction_n of_o such_o person_n as_o be_v walk_v on_o in_o the_o way_n of_o perfection_n 32._o chap._n she_o treat_v how_o it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o put_v she_o in_o spirit_n into_o a_o place_n of_o hell_n which_o she_o say_v she_o have_v deserve_v for_o her_o sin_n she_o relate_v what_o be_v represent_v to_o she_o there_o which_o be_v but_o a_o kind_n of_o shadow_n of_o such_o thing_n as_o be_v suffer_v in_o that_o place_n she_o begin_v also_o to_o declare_v the_o way_n and_o manner_n how_o that_o monastery_n be_v found_v in_o auila_n under_o the_o name_n of_o s._n joseph_n 33._o chap._n she_o proceed_v in_o the_o same_o subject_n of_o the_o foundation_n of_o the_o monastery_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n she_o declare_v how_o she_o be_v command_v to_o attend_v to_o that_o business_n and_o of_o the_o time_n when_o she_o forbear_v to_o follow_v it_o and_o of_o some_o trouble_n which_o she_o have_v and_o how_o she_o be_v comfort_v in_o they_o by_o our_o bless_a lord_n chap._n 34._o she_o declare_v how_o at_o this_o time_n she_o be_v necessary_o to_o go_v from_o that_o place_n and_o she_o show_v the_o cause_n thereof_o and_o how_o her_o superior_a command_v she_o to_o go_v for_o the_o comfort_n of_o a_o certain_a lady_n who_o be_v much_o afflict_v she_o begin_v to_o treat_v of_o that_o which_o happen_v to_o she_o there_o and_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n which_o it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o do_v by_o her_o mean_n in_o stirring-up_a a_o very_a principal_a person_n to_o do_v he_o very_o great_a service_n and_o how_o afterward_o she_o receive_v much_o favour_n and_o protection_n from_o he_o this_o be_v a_o admirable_a discourse_n and_o very_o much_o to_o be_v note_v 35._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o subject_n about_o the_o foundation_n of_o this_o house_n of_o our_o glorious_a father_n s._n joseph_n she_o speak_v of_o the_o degree_n by_o which_o our_o lord_n come_v to_o appoint_v that_o holy_a poverty_n shall_v be_v ordain_v there_o and_o of_o the_o cause_n why_o she_o come_v from_o that_o lady_n with_o who_o she_o be_v and_o of_o other_o thing_n also_o which_o succeed_v 36._o chap._n she_o prosecute_v the_o subject_n which_o she_o have_v begunn_v and_o declare_v the_o final_a conclusion_n of_o this_o monastery_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n of_o auila_n and_o of_o the_o great_a contradiction_n and_o persecution_n which_o the_o religious_a woman_n be_v put_v to_o suffer_v even_o after_o they_o have_v take_v the_o habit_n and_o of_o the_o many_o trouble_n and_o temptation_n which_o she_o be_v fain_o to_o undergo_v and_o how_o his_o divine_a majesty_n draw_v she_o out_o of_o all_o with_o victory_n to_o his_o own_o praise_n and_o glory_n 37._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o the_o effect_n which_o use_v to_o remain_v in_o her_o soul_n when_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v she_o any_o favour_n and_o she_o accompany_v this_o discourse_n with_o very_o profitable_a doctrine_n she_o declare_v also_o how_o we_o be_v to_o procure_v and_o great_o esteem_v the_o gain_n of_o one_o degree_n of_o glory_n more_o and_o how_o we_o must_v not_o for_o any_o trouble_n or_o pain_n forsake_v those_o benefit_n &_o blessing_n which_o be_v everlasting_a 38._o chap._n she_o treat_v of_o some_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v she_o as_o well_o in_o acquaint_v she_o with_o certain_a secret_n of_o heaven_n as_o by_o give_v she_o other_o great_a vision_n and_o revelation_n she_o declare_v also_o the_o effect_n which_o they_o leave_v in_o her_o soul_n and_o the_o great_a benefit_n which_o she_o obtain_v by_o they_o 39_o chap._n she_o proceed_v in_o the_o same_o subject_n of_o show_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v she_o and_o she_o declare_v how_o he_o be_v please_v to_o promise_v his_o favour_n to_o they_o for_o who_o she_o shall_v beg_v it_o and_o she_o relate_v some_o important_a particular_n wherein_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v do_v her_o extraordinary_a favour_n of_o this_o kind_n 40._o chap._n she_o proceed_v in_o the_o same_o discourse_n by_o relate_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n show_v she_o whereby_o good_a instruction_n be_v to_o be_v get_v and_o with_o the_o end_n of_o this_o chapter_n she_o end_v also_o the_o discourse_n of_o her_o life_n 41._o a_o letter_n write_v by_o the_o glorious_a s._n teresa_n which_o she_o send_v together_o with_o the_o book_n to_o her_o ghostly_a father_n approbatio_fw-la haec_fw-la vita_fw-la s._n teresae_fw-la primùm_fw-la hispanico_fw-la sermone_fw-la à _fw-la se_fw-la conscripta_fw-la &_o postea_fw-la taliter_fw-la edita_fw-la nunc_fw-la verò_fw-la felicissimè_fw-la anglicè_fw-la reddita_fw-la per_fw-la ill_n m_o virum_fw-la m._n t._n iussu_fw-la r_o mi_fw-mi antuerpiensis_n à _fw-la i_o attentè_fw-fr perlecta_fw-la fuit_fw-la &_o in_o eadem_fw-la nihil_fw-la dum_fw-la reperi_fw-la vel_fw-la contra_fw-la fidem_fw-la vel_fw-la quod_fw-la possit_fw-la meo_fw-la iudicio_fw-la pias_fw-la &_o christianas_n aures_fw-la offendere_fw-la imò_fw-la cum_fw-la amorem_fw-la eius_fw-la seraphicum_fw-la undique_fw-la lucentem_fw-la ac_fw-la inflammantem_fw-la lector_fw-la experiatur_fw-la censeo_fw-la dignissimam_fw-la ut_fw-la in_o communem_fw-la etiam_fw-la catholicorum_n anglorum_fw-la utilitatem_fw-la imprimatur_fw-la antuerpiae_fw-la 5._o augusti_fw-la m._n dc_o xlii_o richardus_n wake_v i._n v._o l._n cap._n 4._o cap._n 5._o cap._n 2._o cap._n 8._o cap._n 7._o cap._n 6._o cap._n 22._o 22._o note_v this_o great_a &_o most_o certain_a truth_n truth_n many_o use_v to_o repeat_v the_o creed_n in_o the_o presence_n and_o as_o in_o the_o person_n of_o such_o as_o be_v near_o expire_a by_o way_n of_o fortefy_v they_o at_o that_o time_n against_o the_o temptation_n of_o the_o devil_n devil_n when_o person_n be_v near_o expire_a attendant_n use_v to_o be_v very_o