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A75475 Antidotum Culmerianum: or, Animadversions upon a late pamphlet, entituled, Cathedrall newes from Canterbury, &c. by Richard Culmer, who is here (according to his friends desire, and his own desert) set forth in his colours. Culmer, Richard, d. 1662. 1645 (1645) Wing A3500; Thomason E279_13 30,986 39

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much as you joy and scoffe at the hearing of the Cathedrall-Gates looke it come not to that passe one day that you wish the City-Gates nay the Kingdomes-Gates the Ports stood as wide open as these when one paire of heeles may be worth two paire of hands when an escape away may prove your best sanctuary against such a legall triall by the knowne Laws of the Land as may turne you over to Tiburne-Faire And then Bones Noches good night Dick. In the meane time Clama declama exclama usque ad Ravim Rumpantur ut Ilia Barke bellow bawll do even thy worst Till both thy bowells and thy belly burst FINIS A Copie of the Information presented to the Councell-Table by Richard Culmer against M. E. B. whereof mention is made before Parag. Maliciousnesse Numb 7. I Heard M. E. B. of B. in the parish of G. next W. speaking of the Ship-taxes Culmers first charge against M. B. for speaking against the Ship-Sesses say that such and such places were taxed so much and some so much c. and in the end he said that if we have such taxes laid upon us wee must rebell or we must be faine to rebell or to this effect punctually and hearing him say so I said that if we considered our burthen with others compared we had no cause to thinke of Rebellion The next occasion I could finde I called him aside after Evenning-song and gave him the best admonition I could telling him that I could not heare such words but with detestation and said that as a Subject and a Minister and a Guest I was bound to tell him what I did and intreated him for the Lord Jesus Christs sake that he would forbeare such speeches else I would never come to his house more with other speeches to this effect He replied did I say so yes said I that I did heare you say aske your wife and friends at home After that he never spake word of it more till I heard of late he in a passion against me at some meeting railing upon me hoping to get my Your Curatship good Richard Benefice for his Cosin H. by my The very ●rade you ●rive your self 〈◊〉 this day ruine he there as I heard by credible Information amongst other vile comparisons and speeches against me said that he invited me to his house at Christmas and afterwards I called him aside and would have him accuse himselfe but he spake words of sedition when as I did it not to bring him into a snare If I had I would have called witnesse when 〈…〉 shed him but the Lord knoweth I did it out of 〈…〉 duty to God and my Soveraigne Lord King Charles for whom I pray from the bottome of my heart that the Lord would preserve him from seditious and rebellious men And my wife saith shee well remembreth the same speech of his and mine at the Table And I heard the said M. B. say His second charge against him in behalfe of the Booke of Sports having read over the booke of Sabbath-Recreations and delivering it to me before Evensong in the Church I asked him if he had read it he replied yes it will make a good privy seale And my wife and I heard him in our own house say of the said booke that it was as if a Schoolmaster should say it is a good boy ply thy book and thou shalt go to play in the afternoone And I and my servant heard him say that it was unfit such bookes should be sent for Ministers to read in the Church yet after he had a project to get my Benefice he to collogue for it said in my hearing that it was a good booke and if it were read the Sabbath would be better kept then ever it was Dated July the 31. 1635. Per me Rich. Culmer
ring of the occasion Out of Town But being once gotten out of Towne and so out of that danger he made bold to runne other while thinking so at last to cast her off but 't would not serve his turne for being a nimble fat woman it seems she held well with him at all paces chattering at him all the way for the money that all they met tooke notice of it At length being about to take the wood he faces about and as once or twice before offers a parley and asks her what she meant to pursue him in that manner she gives him no other answer then before that goe whither he would shee was resolv'd to follow and would never leave him till she had what she came for her sisters money Finding her still harping on that string and being deafe of that eare on againe goes he threatning to shew her a course if she would not be gone and leave him why but quoth she you will not I trow be souncivill having train'd out a Gentlewoman thus far but you will see her home whereupon he bends his course straightway towards the house where he knew herselfe and sister dwelt and when he had thus usher'd her within or neare the sight of the house he gathers up his cloake about him and with all the speed he could makes to the side of a rough thicket hard of accesse especially for a Gentlewoman encumbred with long coats and silken withall apt to be torne with bushes and bryars and in there he rushes which when she perceived bethinking herselfe of the difficulty of a further pursuite she gives it over with this farewell to her game Nay now I see the Fox is burrowed e'ne goe thy wayes then and be hang'd for I le follow thee no further And so you have the story Passing from whence let 's have at him for his Vnnaturalnesse 6. Vnnaturalnesse which indeed is so notorious and grosse as no heathen almost but would blush to be so justly taxed for the like It is a saying as true as trite Ingratum si dixer is omnia dixeris Nothing can bee added to aggravate that mans crime that is once justly taxed of Vnthankfulnesse And can any unthankfulnesse equalize not to dreame of transcending that of a childe to a parent and wherein is or can that be better tried then when need especially if accompanied with old age hath rendred the unfortunate parent a fitting object of his childs reliefe and such a one is old Culmer the Historians father a poore aged man and in point of providence to blame in nothing more then for too soon parting with what estate he sometime had to this unnaturall some of his who now in requitall so much neglects him not for want of ability but will to succour him as the whole Iland where he lives rings of the Impiety whilest the Monster never seeks to lay the clamour values it not weighed with the saving of his money being ready to take up that of the Poet Quid enim salvi infamia nummis No marvell that he proves such a rebellious sonne to the Church his mother that is so unnaturall a childe to the poore aged man his father As for his Maliciousnesse 7. Maliciousnesse Not to insist on his continuall suits in Law being indeed a notable Vitiligator legis quam Evangelii peritior a better Lawyer then Divine I will trouble you but with one instance of it which concernes a Gentleman of birth and credit brought in question for his life by the treacherous malice of this grand impostor who with open mouth and all possible aggravation accused him to the Councell-Table of treasonable speeches Recited verbatim at the end of this Treatise and purposely referred thither because too t●dinus for this place occasioned by some discourse betweene them about eight or nine years since concerning the Ship-sesses and Impositions of those times in saying as the very words of the impeachment under his owne hand runne that if we have such taxes laid upon us we must rebell or we must be faine to rebell or to this effect And the better to curry favour and purchase the more credit to his indictment what sincerity of duty doth not the counfeit professe therein to God and his Sovereigne Lord King Charles for whom saith he I pray from the bottome of my heart a hollow heart sure Dick Culmer a Royalist without bottome that the Lord would preserve him from Dick Culmer and his fellows a sort of seditious and rebellious men with many other overtures of loyalty seconded with other of the same stamp in a letter of his which I have seen to a noble friend of the accused Gentleman written shortly after wherein what professions he makes of the good liking he bare to the Service book the catechisticall part of it especially his stedinesse and care to continue constant to those professions being so eminent I may not here without wronging the man passe over in silence which are these Yet did I quoth he clearly manifest my loyalty in that I did so publickly take his Majesties part loyall Richard I well fare thee and in my Ministry I have shewed full sore An Advocate for the Liturgy I doubt against thy will the like care a speciall proofe whereof I shewed till thou sawest thy time in my short forme of Catechisme which I used many yeares before their eyes were opened and resolve to use againe till time beter serve thee to cast it off if it please God to restore mee to the exercise of my Ministery Which forme beginneth thus Now we have learn'd to say the Catechisme c. let us see more fully the meaning c. Quest What say you of our Catechism in the Booke of Common Prayer Answ Why 't is like the rest of the Booke Popish Idolatrous Superstitious trash c. no stay The Catechisme in our Booke of Common Prayer is good and commanded by the Kings authority Quanium mutatus ab illo and therfore we should all learn it c. O thou limb of Antichrist what Prelat of them all could have said more But ad rem You have heard here of a heynous and capitall charge from a vessell of malice absit no of Loyalty of Conformity like to produce what but the ruine of the accused by the forfeiture both of his estate and life A sad tragedy towards doubtlesse And yet to see no such matter for auditâ alterâ parte when the accused came to his answer before as equall as honourable Iudges he so fairly and fully purged himselfe of his foul but false crimination as brought the businesse to this issue that the accused innocent Gentleman was absolved dismissed whilest his malicious unjust accuser was committed imprisoned a due reward for such a Perillus Nec enim lex justior ulla Quam necis artifices arte perire sua As by the ensuing transcript of the Order of the Councel-board in that businesse
will appear to the lasting shame and infamy of such odious malice heightned in this A treacherous guest that the place where these pretended dangerous words were uttered was the accusers own table in Christmasse time No marvell that a Noble man one of the Councell-board thereupon let fall this wish or deprecation rather From such guests good Lord deliver me Adde hereunto that they were concealed and not complained of till almost half a yeare after in revenge too for the Gentlemans being as was pretended a means to dispossesse his accuser of what he mouths so much by the name of his Benefice his Curatship a little before his complaint preferred which 't is knowne he lost for refusing to read what he hath since been heard to wish he had read the booke of Liberty But to the transcript taken from the very originall under seal At Whitehall the 9 of Octob. 1635. Present Lo. Archbishop of Canterbury his Grace Lo. Keeper Lo. Privy-seal Earle Marshall Lo. Cottington Mr. See Wyndebanck Whereas upon an information given by R. C. Clerk against E. B. of B. in the County of Kent Gent. the said E. B. was sent for by warrant Note and bound to appeare and answer the same before their Lordship on Friday the 9 of this present this day both the said parties having beene called and heard before the board their Lordships finding the said information and complaint against Mr. B. to have been causlesse and unjust did thinke fit and order that he should be forthwith discharged from any further attendance concerning the same and that the bonds by him entred into for his appearance should be delivered up unto him Lastly that the said R. C. should for such his mis-information and abuse stand committed prisoner to the Fleet. * The 12 Tables would have condemned him to death Qui falsum testimonium dixisse convictus erit saxo Tarpeio descitor Ext. c. And now Reader what thinke you of his Maliciousnes I conceive you expect no further evidence Leaving that then let 's try him next for his Doltishnes And for that 8. Doltishnesse if he please he shall have his booke let him bee tried by that VVhat judicious man having read the promising Title page where he findes the author arrogating the Title and degree of a Master of Arts looks over the booke can refraine from a Scribimus indocti doctique c. of a Parturiunt montes c. can conclude it to be other then a meere unworthy ridiculous peece a pitifull poore jejune dry dull empty essay for a Master of Arts Can he be thought other then a meere Ignoramus a Duns a Dullard a Dolt a Culmer that hath fardelled up a deale of bald bold base virulent scurrillous stuffe as void of learning as of truth as void of method as full of malice written surely with inke mixt and made of vinegar and kennell water A foule pen. and fitter for nothing then the basest of necessary uses what Master of Arts but he would not be ashamed of such a blue come off had he not great need to print his thousands Quid dignum tanto tulit hic promissor hiatu But here 's the knack on 't 't is fitted to the genius of his old patrons the vulgar calculated to the meridian of their capacities and if the people the rabble the multitude relish taste resent it well quoth Dick why Hey then up goe we If it please their palats and take well with them satis est superque having never yet learn'd it seems that Principibus placuisse viris non ultima laus est But what saith he Equisonem quam equitem mihi plaudere cure Thus expects he aurum è stercore ●●e like a meere dunghill craven But though by his own confession 't is sure working by the book yet that 's not all the evidence we have to prove his Duns ship Aske about in the places of his greatest concourse amongst those if you will that best affect him and you shall never finde their respect their affection towards him grounded upon any learning or Scholler-like parts that he is guilty of 'T is confessed of all hands that he is a very meane dry dull preacher a worse disputant and for the pen fit liber Inden I appeale to his booke What it is that hath commended him to their affection and begat their esteem of him is his forwardnesse to heare and carry newes and to be active and dextrous in such works of orderly reformation as that whereof he blusheth not to make his boast in that Lying Legend As for any other matter worthy of note in him they are all as great strangers to it as himselfe But enough of that Now to his Lying I have heard of a youth one of his Tribe 9 Lying a bold factious fellow for Schollership as errant a blockhead as himselfe for conversation it may be somwhat looser much taxed for a notorious Lyer and so noted for it at the Vniversity that a common noted Lyer by a new invented Proverb amongst them was nicknamed after him how well he deserved it I partly know but how our scribler Dr. Dicke deserves the like all the City and parts adjacent by long experience of his common customary habituall lying know so well that were it put to the vote there whether or no a notorious Lyer should be called a Culmerist I dare warrant you it would be resolved upon the question perquàm paucis contradicentibus in the affirmative Whence els our common Proverb of Culmers Newes A Proverb taken up for an odious untruth a lowd Lie A faculty that hath so disparaged his intelligence whereof he makes a trade that truth and true intelligence fares the worse and wants that credit it deserves many times with most of his good Masters for coming out of his mouth so accustomed to run over with flammes and falshoods the just reward of a known convicted * Mendax ho● lucratur ut cùm vera dixerit ei non credatur Arist apud Diog. l. 5 lyer By the way tell me are we not like to have Peace and Truth meet apace the hearty and unfained wish of all good Protestants and true Patriots whilest these hypocrites mouth nothing more meane nothing lesse are not these I say like to meet and greet apace when least our peace should returne before their ends their turnes are serv'd to continue their dismall distance we must have such fomenting of divisions such flattering of parties with Lyes lyes by the living lyes by the dead lyes from the Presse and would I could not say lyes from the Pulpit too But all this while we speak without book It 's sure going by the booke saith Dick. Let 's then from his verball transient lies whereof somwhat before in his Impudence to his printed permanent lies yet not all those neither for fowling too much paper but here and there one for a tast and test of the whole pack as