you_o that_o for_o a_o little_a time_n about_o a_o month_n or_o two_o i_o be_v little_o satisfy_v no_o long_o than_o i_o be_v engage_v in_o such_o work_n as_o read_v hear_v deep_a meditation_n but_o especial_o prayer_n and_o these_o oh_o these_o be_v the_o physician_n that_o i_o look_v upon_o so_o much_o to_o work_v so_o great_a a_o cure_n upon_o my_o soul_n that_o none_o but_o christ_n that_o great_a physician_n can_v do_v and_o true_o the_o best_a of_o the_o physician_n be_v so_o full_a of_o ill_a humour_n themselves_o as_o pride_n self-confidence_n etc._n etc._n that_o without_o the_o physic_n of_o christ_n blood_n to_o purge_v and_o purify_v they_o they_o will_v have_v stink_v in_o the_o nostril_n of_o a_o holy_a and_o pure_a god_n as_o i_o be_o afraid_a they_o often_o do_v min._n now_o you_o have_v give_v in_o a_o account_n about_o sin_n i_o will_v glad_o hear_v what_o account_v you_o can_v give_v about_o the_o way_n of_o holiness_n and_o of_o grace_n and_o how_o you_o begin_v to_o make_v your_o progress_n in_o this_o road_n conu._n i_o must_v be_v but_o very_o brief_a here_o for_o i_o have_v much_o to_o say_v about_o other_o thing_n but_o i_o shall_v as_o the_o lord_n shall_v enable_v i_o satisfy_v you_o in_o this_o as_o i_o tell_v you_o before_o when_o the_o burden_n of_o my_o sin_n first_o come_v upon_o i_o that_o then_o and_o likewise_o in_o the_o six_o year_n of_o my_o conviction_n i_o be_v full_o convince_v of_o the_o necessity_n of_o live_v a_o holy_a life_n and_o of_o the_o beauty_n of_o holiness_n and_o that_o without_o it_o there_o will_v be_v no_o salvation_n for_o without_o holiness_n none_o shall_v see_v the_o lord_n and_o upon_o this_o account_n i_o also_o earnest_o beseech_v the_o lord_n by_o prayer_n and_o hear_v and_o read_v good_a book_n which_o the_o lord_n do_v mighty_o incline_v my_o heart_n to_o do_v and_o so_o every_o day_n i_o do_v more_o and_o more_o desire_n holiness_n and_o do_v earnest_o thirst_v after_o the_o image_n of_o god_n to_o be_v renew_v upon_o my_o heart_n so_o that_o in_o short_a i_o find_v no_o rest_n any_o way_n but_o what_o i_o get_v by_o live_v holy_o and_o abstain_v from_o sin_n and_o as_o my_o weak_a physician_n i_o mean_v my_o prayer_n hear_v read_v meditation_n vow_n resolution_n etc._n etc._n i_o say_v as_o these_o be_v able_a to_o apply_v comfort_n to_o i_o so_o i_o have_v it_o and_o no_o long_o be_v ignorant_a of_o the_o life_n of_o faith_n in_o christ_n and_o true_o they_o prove_v very_o bad_a comforter_n and_o as_o i_o tell_v you_o they_o want_v christ_n blood_n to_o procure_v acceptation_n in_o the_o eye_n of_o a_o pure_a and_o holy_a god_n which_o will_v regard_v they_o with_o favour_n no_o otherwise_o than_o as_o they_o be_v present_v to_o he_o sprinkle_v with_o the_o blood_n of_o his_o son_n min._n methinks_v you_o seem_v to_o speak_v much_o against_o these_o duty_n and_o against_o holiness_n as_o if_o they_o be_v not_o altogether_o necessary_a to_o be_v embrace_v do_v you_o not_o conu._n oh_o no_o god_n forbid_v i_o hope_v i_o shall_v never_o so_o far_o speak_v against_o they_o as_o to_o neglect_v they_o in_o the_o least_o but_o this_o i_o have_v say_v that_o i_o may_v not_o look_v upon_o they_o any_o further_a than_o as_o they_o lead_v i_o to_o christ_n for_o true_o i_o have_v find_v nothing_o in_o the_o world_n so_o much_o hinder_v i_o of_o comfort_n wilful_a sin_n only_o except_v as_o in_o lay_v so_o great_a a_o stress_n upon_o duty_n for_o certain_o have_v i_o lay_v my_o foundation_n sure_a upon_o the_o rock_n of_o christ_n and_o not_o all_o upon_o my_o own_o righteousness_n i_o shall_v never_o have_v be_v so_o much_o shake_v and_o as_o i_o may_v say_v almost_o overturn_v with_o the_o assault_n of_o sin_n and_o satan_n but_o he_o will_v have_v uphold_v i_o with_o his_o everlasting_a arm_n that_o i_o shall_v have_v be_v able_a long_o ago_o to_o have_v triumph_v in_o his_o merit_n over_o all_o the_o assault_n that_o satan_n and_o my_o own_o heart_n make_v against_o i_o min._n how_o long_o do_v you_o live_v upon_o the_o stock_n of_o your_o duty_n before_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o let_v you_o see_v your_o error_n and_o how_o be_v your_o condition_n all_o this_o while_n as_o you_o think_v yourself_o conu._n i_o live_v so_o about_o three_o year_n or_o more_o and_o in_o that_o time_n i_o have_v some_o sad_a declining_n indeed_o every_o day_n almost_o i_o lose_v my_o god_n and_o the_o evidence_n of_o his_o love_n so_o as_o i_o think_v myself_o happy_a long_o than_o when_o i_o can_v perform_v duty_n with_o great_a zeal_n and_o with_o strong_a affection_n and_o then_o oftentimes_o i_o can_v have_v be_v willing_a to_o have_v dye_v as_o i_o think_v my_o heart_n do_v so_o rejoice_v in_o they_o but_o when_o my_o heart_n be_v somewhat_o dead_a and_o flat_a than_o i_o be_v at_o a_o great_a loss_n and_o can_v find_v out_o no_o rest_n for_o the_o sole_a of_o my_o foot_n min._n this_o which_o you_o have_v say_v seem_v to_o i_o to_o be_v a_o little_a strange_a why_o where_o be_v your_o faith_n all_o this_o while_n you_o tell_v i_o before_o that_o you_o dare_v not_o look_v to_o god_n but_o through_o christ_n and_o you_o seem_v then_o as_o you_o go_v along_o to_o make_v christ_n your_o hope_n and_o saviour_n and_o then_o how_o do_v you_o mean_v you_o do_v not_o rest_n in_o he_o conu._n this_o be_v somewhat_o hard_a to_o answer_v but_o i_o hope_v you_o will_v pardon_v my_o weakness_n and_o i_o will_v tell_v you_o as_o plain_a as_o i_o can_v and_o that_o only_o as_o my_o heart_n and_o conscience_n witness_v and_o not_o to_o take_v the_o help_n of_o any_o book_n to_o open_v it_o to_o i_o that_o so_o i_o may_v with_o more_o humble_a confidence_n say_v that_o these_o thing_n i_o have_v seâ—_n down_o no_o otherwise_o but_o as_o my_o own_o spiriâ—_n by_o the_o assistance_n of_o god_n spirit_n dictate_v to_o i_o and_o now_o i_o will_v tell_v you_o what_o i_o mean_v by_o what_o i_o have_v say_v i_o hope_v i_o look_v upon_o christ_n to_o be_v a_o complete_a saviour_n in_o every_o respect_n and_o i_o see_v my_o great_a need_n of_o his_o blood_n to_o procure_v my_o pardon_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o i_o know_v that_o it_o be_v only_o from_o his_o grace_n that_o i_o be_v in_o any_o measure_n sanctify_v and_o by_o this_o i_o hope_v i_o lay_v all_o my_o sin_n upon_o he_o and_o dare_v not_o in_o the_o least_o think_v of_o answer_v for_o they_o myself_o before_o god_n and_o seem_v to_o give_v he_o the_o glory_n in_o respect_n to_o any_o work_n of_o holiness_n in_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o i_o do_v high_o prize_v he_o and_o great_o delight_v in_o he_o and_o earnest_o desire_v to_o love_v he_o and_o more_o and_o more_o to_o serve_v he_o and_o so_o i_o act_v faith_n for_o three_o year_n but_o all_o this_o while_n i_o be_v not_o thorough_o convince_v of_o the_o insufficiency_n of_o my_o own_o righteousness_n so_o as_o to_o lay_v that_o at_o christ_n foot_n neither_o can_v i_o suppose_v it_o that_o one_o may_v be_v â—â—â—â—â—bâ—d_v by_o another_o righteousness_n but_o 〈…〉_o that_o because_o i_o be_v not_o altogether_o 〈…〉_o as_o other_o as_o i_o think_v there_o 〈…〉_o â—â—ould_v fare_v better_o than_o other_o and_z 〈…〉_o mix_v my_o own_o merit_n with_o christ_n 〈◊〉_d never_o come_v â—o_o far_o out_o of_o myself_o as_o to_o cast_v my_o righteousness_n as_o well_o as_o my_o sin_n at_o his_o sit_fw-mi and_o now_o what_o abundant_a cause_n have_v i_o to_o be_v humble_v and_o to_o lie_v very_o low_a before_o god_n and_o still_o more_o and_o more_o to_o admire_v the_o infinite_a mercy_n and_o patience_n of_o god_n oh_o that_o i_o who_o after_o i_o be_v much_o enlighten_v and_o have_v abundant_o taste_v and_o see_v how_o good_a and_o gracious_a the_o lord_n be_v i_o say_v that_o after_o all_o his_o unspeakable_a mercy_n to_o i_o how_o he_o bring_v i_o out_o of_o my_o egyptian_a bondage_n of_o sin_n and_o loosen_v i_o from_o many_o strong_a hold_v of_o satan_n and_o bring_v i_o so_o near_o to_o his_o father_n bosom_n that_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o be_v many_o time_n almost_o ravish_v with_o the_o fore-thought_n of_o that_o joy_n i_o do_v hope_n for_o in_o heaven_n oh_o that_o after_o he_o have_v pass_v i_o over_o the_o red_a sea_n and_o when_o many_o of_o my_o enemy_n be_v dead_a and_o beat_a back_n and_o that_o after_o he_o have_v try_v i_o a_o little_a in_o the_o wilderness_n of_o this_o world_n than_o he_o will_v have_v bring_v i_o safe_a into_o canaan_n oh_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v so_o disingenuous_a as_o to_o set_v up_o a_o calf_n i_o mean_v my_o own_o righteousness_n
and_o worship_n that_o and_o shall_v do_v what_o i_o do_v more_o to_o advantage_n self_n than_o christ_n oh_o i_o say_v again_o what_o a_o wonder_n it_o be_v that_o ever_o he_o be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v my_o folly_n and_o oh_o if_o he_o shall_v not_o have_v do_v it_o yet_o in_o this_o particular_a how_o inexcusable_a have_v i_o be_v which_o will_v appear_v in_o the_o next_o answer_n min._n now_o let_v i_o know_v when_o and_o in_o what_o manner_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o magnify_v his_o grace_n in_o convince_a you_o of_o the_o insufficiency_n of_o your_o own_o righteousness_n and_o of_o the_o rest_n in_o duty_n conu._n i_o will_v likewise_o make_v this_o as_o plain_a to_o you_o as_o the_o lord_n shall_v enable_v i_o so_o that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v find_v guilty_a of_o a_o spiritual_a lie_n and_o to_o the_o best_a of_o my_o remembrance_n about_o four_o month_n after_o my_o powerful_a call_n when_o as_o i_o think_v i_o be_v assure_o in_o a_o most_o happy_a condition_n have_v pass_v through_o abundant_a of_o trial_n and_o temptation_n and_o i_o begin_v to_o find_v they_o somewhat_o to_o flee_v before_o i_o of_o which_o you_o shall_v hear_v anon_o more_o at_o large_a then_o oh_o then_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o hand_n a_o little_a book_n entitle_v the_o christian_n great_a interest_n by_o mr._n guthry_n which_o when_o i_o peruse_v i_o find_v i_o be_v much_o concern_v in_o it_o and_o be_v somewhat_o trouble_v but_o it_o so_o violent_o accuse_v i_o of_o my_o dalilah_n righteousness_n which_o i_o love_v too_o well_o to_o see_v as_o i_o think_v abuse_v with_o a_o small_a sigh_n or_o the_o like_a i_o command_v it_o to_o depart_v and_o not_o to_o dare_v to_o come_v and_o control_n my_o idol_n self_n any_o more_o yet_o it_o make_v my_o way_n so_o plain_a before_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o withstand_v it_o a_o little_a while_n after_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o hand_n another_o book_n for_o which_o i_o have_v abundant_a cause_n to_o bless_v god_n which_o be_v the_o sincere_a convert_n and_o read_v the_o latter_a part_n of_o that_o which_o treat_v concern_v carnal_a confidence_n and_o rest_v in_o duty_n all_o which_o do_v very_o much_o concern_v i_o i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v and_o begin_v to_o question_v my_o estate_n a_o little_a concern_v duty_n but_o true_o i_o take_v so_o little_a delight_n in_o this_o that_o i_o soon_o lay_v it_o by_o and_o return_v it_o to_o the_o place_n from_o whence_o it_o come_v and_o likewise_o i_o have_v other_o book_n as_o mr._n baxters_n self-denial_n which_o i_o read_v part_n of_o with_o much_o delight_n as_o in_o reference_n in_o deny_v self-pleasure_n and_o sinful_a recreation_n and_o vain_a company_n etc._n etc._n all_o these_o yield_a comfort_n to_o i_o because_o i_o find_v that_o i_o do_v real_o desire_v to_o deny_v myself_o all_o these_o and_o make_v it_o a_o great_a ground_n of_o comfort_n to_o i_o that_o i_o can_v so_o earnest_o desire_v their_o destruction_n but_o when_o i_o come_v to_o the_o denial_n of_o self-righteousness_n this_o be_v a_o hard_a say_n and_o self_n will_v not_o bear_v it_o but_o away_o i_o go_v to_o those_o book_n where_o i_o can_v find_v out_o as_o i_o think_v a_o way_n to_o heaven_n by_o my_o own_o work_n and_o those_o that_o treat_v most_o of_o a_o holy_a life_n be_v the_o most_o please_a to_o i_o but_o when_o i_o read_v concern_v christ_n or_o hear_v he_o teach_v to_o i_o by_o his_o minister_n for_o although_o i_o have_v omit_v how_o my_o heart_n be_v in_o hear_v yet_o i_o will_v desire_v you_o to_o include_v that_o and_o to_o suppose_v that_o my_o heart_n be_v in_o that_o as_o in_o read_v or_o confer_v with_o respect_n to_o the_o subject_n i_o say_v when_o i_o hear_v christ_n teach_v by_o his_o minister_n either_o in_o a_o pulpit_n or_o a_o book_n i_o much_o delight_v in_o that_o i_o hear_v or_o read_v but_o when_o justification_n alone_o by_o faith_n in_o christ_n merit_n and_o live_v by_o faith_n upon_o a_o naked_a christ_n as_o peradventure_o i_o may_v be_v put_v too_o upon_o a_o sick_a bed_n by_o reason_n of_o a_o violent_a disease_n or_o the_o like_a that_o i_o can_v not_o have_v strength_n of_o body_n nor_o composure_n of_o mind_n to_o perform_v duty_n as_o in_o a_o fever_n or_o a_o fit_a of_o the_o stone_n or_o gout_n etc._n etc._n i_o say_v when_o these_o noble_a and_o heavenborn_a mystery_n be_v treat_v on_o i_o be_v much_o to_o seek_v and_o can_v take_v but_o little_a comfort_n from_o they_o and_o so_o i_o go_v on_o from_o duty_n to_o duty_n and_o if_o at_o any_o time_n i_o find_v my_o heart_n dead_a and_o can_v for_o that_o day_n or_o week_n or_o month_n it_o may_v be_v find_v any_o comfort_n from_o they_o than_o i_o live_v in_o hope_n that_o although_o i_o find_v not_o all_o well_o at_o present_a yet_o it_o will_v not_o long_o continue_v so_o with_o i_o and_o so_o in_o some_o time_n i_o recover_v life_n and_o comfort_n again_o i_o say_v i_o continue_v thus_o for_o the_o space_n of_o above_o three_o year_n and_o now_o i_o will_v declare_v one_o thing_n which_o do_v more_o trouble_v i_o than_o ordinary_a and_o that_o be_v in_o august_n last_o 67._o it_o happen_v that_o as_o i_o be_v visit_v a_o patient_a and_o for_o this_o thing_n in_o particular_a i_o have_v cause_n to_o bless_v god_n that_o he_o place_v i_o in_o this_o my_o call_n who_o we_o suppose_v the_o lord_n will_v take_v away_o at_o that_o very_a time_n there_o come_v dr._n b._n to_o perform_v as_o be_v think_v onâ—_n of_o the_o last_o duty_n he_o have_v to_o do_v 〈◊〉_d and_o among_o his_o discourse_n and_o adâ—â—â—_n 〈◊〉_d bid_v she_o be_v sure_a to_o lay_v all_o her_o sin_n upon_o christ_n which_o i_o like_v very_o well_o but_o withal_o that_o she_o shall_v lay_v all_o her_o own_o righteousness_n at_o his_o foot_n and_o not_o at_o all_o â—o_o trust_v to_o any_o good_a she_o have_v in_o her_o seâ—f_n but_o whole_o to_o rely_v upon_o the_o merit_n of_o christ_n which_o when_o i_o hear_v my_o heart_n rise_v much_o against_o what_o he_o say_v and_o do_v much_o oppose_v his_o advice_n and_o think_v it_o not_o at_o all_o convenient_a to_o be_v speak_v and_o doubtless_o have_v i_o be_v in_o her_o condition_n i_o mean_v so_o near_a death_n as_o it_o be_v think_v she_o be_v and_o he_o have_v advise_v i_o to_o the_o same_o thing_n and_o have_v clear_v it_o to_o i_o oh_o what_o a_o dreadful_a visitation_n have_v that_o be_v sure_o it_o will_v have_v put_v my_o soul_n into_o such_o a_o dreadful_a agony_n of_o confusion_n if_o not_o despair_v that_o sure_o i_o shall_v have_v dye_v a_o second_o death_n before_o i_o know_v the_o pang_n of_o the_o first_o but_o oh_o i_o say_v again_o who_o can_v hear_v of_o this_o and_o not_o be_v overcome_v with_o soul_n ravish_v admiration_n of_o the_o love_n and_o goodness_n and_o patience_n of_o god_n towards_o such_o a_o wretched_a nothing_o as_o i_o be_v that_o ever_o he_o shall_v so_o long_o forbear_v from_o destroy_v that_o soul_n with_o eternal_a damnation_n that_o will_v not_o with_o the_o cord_n of_o love_n be_v draw_v to_o accept_v of_o so_o clear_a salvation_n but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v still_o to_o keep_v this_o upon_o my_o heart_n and_o although_o i_o be_v somewhat_o trouble_v but_o as_o before_o again_o i_o go_v to_o my_o old_a physician_n and_o take_v a_o small_a pill_n of_o prayer_n compose_v of_o a_o little_a fear_n and_o humiliation_n but_o no_o soon_o it_o get_v into_o my_o heart_n but_o there_o it_o be_v guilt_n with_o pride_n and_o so_o again_o become_v pleasant_a to_o i_o and_o then_o i_o think_v all_o be_v well_o and_o i_o do_v desire_n earnest_o that_o by_o this_o god_n may_v be_v much_o glorify_v and_o again_o methinks_v i_o find_v my_o heart_n so_o mighty_o incline_v to_o go_v on_o in_o this_o work_n which_o at_o your_o request_n you_o may_v remember_v i_o be_v so_o unwilling_a to_o undertake_v that_o 〈◊〉_d have_v great_a hope_n there_o may_v be_v the_o hand_n of_o god_n in_o it_o and_o that_o it_o be_v he_o that_o put_v it_o into_o your_o heart_n to_o request_v if_o of_o i_o and_o i_o pray_v god_n it_o may_v be_v his_o glory_n alone_o that_o may_v move_v i_o to_o it_o and_o not_o any_o self-pride_n true_o you_o may_v say_v i_o have_v great_a cause_n to_o fear_v and_o not_o to_o trust_v my_o own_o heart_n any_o more_o and_o the_o lord_n preserve_v this_o jealousy_n more_o and_o more_o in_o i_o but_o to_o my_o present_a purpose_n and_o this_o which_o i_o be_o about_o to_o say_v may_v have_v prove_v a_o great_a disadvantage_n to_o i_o
do_v for_o thou_o what_o shall_v i_o say_v unto_o thou_o i_o can_v be_v content_v that_o these_o line_n be_v write_v with_o my_o very_a heart_n blood_n so_o that_o they_o may_v affect_v thou_o o_o i_o have_v rather_o die_v than_o receive_v another_o such_o letter_n from_o you_o i_o can_v not_o relish_v it_o it_o be_v bitter_a i_o can_v not_o see_v the_o name_n of_o dear_a jesus_n in_o it_o how_o can_v i_o think_v of_o your_o blind_a superstition_n and_o not_o mourn_v and_o lament_v over_o a_o dead_a soul_n you_o say_v you_o be_v sorry_a and_o you_o be_v trouble_v what_o be_v the_o matter_n be_v you_o sorry_a that_o i_o shall_v concern_v myself_o about_o my_o soul_n and_o about_o you_o you_o will_v not_o trouble_v yourself_o about_o these_o thing_n now_o if_o not_o now_o i_o pray_v when_o will_v you_o at_o the_o hour_n of_o death_n at_o the_o day_n oâ—_n judgement_n o_o then_o it_o will_v be_v too_o late_a o_o now_o oâ—_n never_o delay_n be_v dangerous_a o_o eternity_n eternity_n o_o where_o shall_v you_o and_o my_o soul_n dwell_v tâ—_n all_o eternity_n oh_o either_o in_o heaven_n or_o in_o hell_n either_o with_o christ_n or_o devil_n the_o soul_n that_o siâ—_n shall_v die_v your_o debt_n be_v great_a the_o justice_n of_o god_n must_v be_v satisfy_v and_o nothing_o can_v do_v it_o but_o thâ—_n blood_n of_o jesus_n o_o for_o this_o precious_a jesus_n make_v not_o light_a of_o christ_n he_o be_v precious_a he_o be_v altogether_o lovely_a i_o will_v not_o for_o ten_o thousand_o world_n quit_v my_o share_n in_o he_o and_o in_o that_o which_o be_v the_o matter_n of_o your_o fear_n you_o complain_v that_o i_o have_v leâ—â—_n the_o way_n of_o our_o forefather_n i_o seâ—â—_n you_o take_v the_o shadow_n for_o the_o substance_n what_o 〈◊〉_d the_o cross_n in_o baptism_n without_o the_o baptism_n 〈◊〉_d the_o spirit_n what_o good_a will_v the_o bow_n at_o thâ—_n name_n of_o jesus_n do_v they_o which_o persecute_v he_o iâ—_n his_o member_n and_o have_v he_o not_o form_v in_o their_o heart_n o_o that_o god_n will_v cut_v asunder_o your_o false_a hope_n if_o christ_n be_v in_o you_o yoâ—_n will_v rejoice_v to_o think_v that_o he_o have_v be_v aâ—_n work_v in_o my_o soul_n be_v i_o bear_v with_o these_o principle_n which_o you_o read_v in_o my_o last_o letter_n i_o be_o surâ—_n i_o be_v once_o of_o a_o other_o mind_n than_o now_o i_o be_o but_o bless_v yea_o admire_a be_v free_a grace_n which_o have_v make_v i_o to_o differ_v from_o myself_o and_o other_o 〈◊〉_d be_o afraid_a you_o understand_v not_o my_o meaning_n wheâ—_n i_o speak_v of_o love_n to_o god_n and_o regeneration_n as_o long_o as_o i_o only_o concern_v myself_o about_o the_o world_n anâ—_n not_o my_o soul_n you_o kind_o entertain_v my_o letter_n but_o no_o soon_o do_v i_o speak_v of_o repentance_n and_o thâ—_n affair_n of_o our_o poor_a never-dying_a soul_n but_o than_o you_o be_v trouble_v and_o can_v bear_v it_o i_o tell_v you_o i_o lay_v dead_a almost_o eighteen_o year_n and_o then_o i_o have_v a_o gracious_a wound_n from_o my_o dear_a god_n which_o make_v i_o cry_v out_o where_o be_o i_o i_o be_o undo_v i_o be_o undo_v my_o sin_n will_v damn_v i_o o_o what_o shall_v i_o do_v for_o a_o christ_n and_o at_o this_o rate_n he_o go_v on_o write_v many_o letter_n which_o do_v all_o breath_n a_o divine_a spirit_n 6._o he_o be_v very_o spiritual_a in_o his_o discourse_n and_o by_o that_o he_o put_v life_n into_o most_o of_o they_o that_o converse_v with_o he_o how_o helpful_a be_v he_o to_o young_a christian_n how_o ready_a to_o hearten_v they_o up_o in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o how_o able_a to_o discover_v to_o they_o the_o policy_n of_o satan_n he_o be_v scarce_o in_o his_o element_n but_o when_o he_o be_v do_v or_o receive_v of_o good_a he_o study_v mr._n herbert_n palmer_n little_a book_n about_o make_v religion_n one_o business_n and_o he_o do_v in_o a_o great_a measure_n put_v it_o into_o practice_n to_o use_v his_o own_o expression_n i_o do_v say_v he_o labour_v to_o spiritualise_v common_a action_n and_o to_o serve_v god_n in_o serve_v my_o master_n with_o diligence_n cheerfulness_n and_o faithfulness_n o_o what_o resort_n be_v there_o of_o young_a one_o to_o he_o for_o direction_n and_o advice_n in_o thing_n which_o they_o do_v not_o think_v it_o so_o fit_a to_o trouble_v their_o pastor_n with_o and_o how_o do_v he_o endeavour_v to_o season_v his_o fellow_n servant_n with_o grace_n when_o he_o go_v to_o any_o of_o his_o master_n patient_n how_o diligent_a in_o use_v of_o mean_n for_o their_o recovery_n and_o how_o careful_a to_o drop_v something_o that_o may_v tend_v to_o the_o health_n of_o their_o soul_n and_o as_o he_o have_v opportunity_n among_o the_o weak_a and_o poor_a sort_n he_o will_v pray_v with_o they_o and_z o_o with_o what_o vehemency_n of_o spirit_n with_o what_o fluency_n of_o expression_n and_o with_o what_o mighty_a affection_n will_v he_o do_v it_o i_o need_v not_o tell_v some_o of_o you_o how_o helpful_a he_o have_v be_v to_o the_o body_n and_o soul_n of_o the_o sick_a and_o upon_o this_o account_n he_o look_v upon_o it_o as_o a_o great_a mercy_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v call_v he_o to_o such_o a_o employment_n wherein_o he_o have_v such_o singular_a advantage_n to_o deal_v with_o poor_a soul_n about_o the_o affair_n of_o eternity_n i_o question_v noâ—_n but_o there_o be_v some_o stand_v here_o that_o have_v cause_n to_o bless_v god_n that_o ever_o they_o see_v his_o face_n and_o i_o believe_v that_o some_o of_o you_o that_o be_v young_a and_o poor_a will_n quick_o dear_o miss_v he_o 7._o he_o be_v exceed_o raise_v in_o duty_n and_o one_o that_o enjoy_v rare_a communion_n intimacy_n and_o acquaintance_n with_o god_n and_o for_o about_o five_o month_n as_o his_o own_o paper_n show_v together_o he_o rare_o come_v into_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n but_o he_o go_v away_o with_o some_o special_a token_n of_o his_o love_n so_o that_o he_o say_v he_o can_v have_v be_v content_v to_o have_v leave_v the_o world_n at_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o hour_n warning_n hear_v how_o his_o paper_n speak_v my_o soul_n continue_v if_o my_o heart_n do_v not_o mighty_o deceive_v i_o in_o a_o thrive_a condition_n for_o five_o month_n o_o the_o comfort_n that_o i_o then_o have_v they_o be_v unspeakable_a i_o seldom_o go_v to_o duty_n but_o carry_v my_o dear_a saviour_n and_o bring_v he_o away_o with_o i_o every_o ordinance_n be_v a_o visit_n of_o love_n my_o love_n to_o jesus_n christ_n and_o his_o member_n wherever_o i_o see_v they_o be_v not_o to_o be_v express_v what_o hatred_n to_o sin_n what_o zeal_n for_o god_n glory_n what_o yern_v of_o bowel_n towards_o poor_a soul_n in_o the_o state_n of_o nature_n how_o beautiful_a be_v the_o foot_n of_o the_o ambassador_n of_o peace_n what_o a_o fullness_n and_o sweetness_n do_v i_o then_o see_v and_o feel_v in_o christ_n ever_o hunger_a after_o he_o and_o ever_o satisfy_v with_o he_o and_o he_o alone_o what_o affection_n god-ward_o what_o despise_v of_o visibles_n what_o deep_a apprehension_n of_o the_o majesty_n and_o attribute_n of_o god_n how_o do_v i_o walk_v unwearied_o with_o he_o how_o do_v i_o rejoice_v before_o he_o with_o fear_n and_o trust_v filial_o in_o he_o with_o tremble_v o_o what_o watchfulness_n over_o my_o thought_n word_n and_o action_n indeed_o i_o be_v often_o assault_v but_o i_o have_v a_o faithful_a centinel_n which_o will_v give_v warning_n and_o admit_v of_o none_o but_o such_o as_o be_v friend_n to_o the_o lord_n jesus_n what_o low_a thought_n have_v i_o of_o myself_o and_o high_a prizing_n of_o a_o naked_a christ_n oh_o sir_n in_o one_o word_n i_o make_v religion_n my_o business_n and_o be_v take_v up_o with_o that_o which_o concern_v the_o glory_n of_o god_n every_o grace_n be_v at_o strife_n which_o shall_v excel_v other_o in_o its_o act_n i_o can_v never_o go_v to_o market_n but_o i_o can_v experience_n return_n of_o grace_n and_o mercy_n in_o this_o i_o have_v not_o vary_v two_o word_n from_o his_o own_o writing_n in_o a_o letter_n that_o he_o give_v i_o wherein_o he_o do_v grievous_o bewail_v the_o least_o departure_n of_o his_o heart_n from_o god_n as_o you_o shall_v hear_v in_o the_o next_o 8._o he_o take_v special_a notice_n of_o his_o own_o heart_n and_o do_v mighty_o bewail_v any_o declining_n from_o that_o vigour_n that_o sometime_o he_o have_v and_o here_o i_o shall_v again_o use_v his_o word_n as_o they_o follow_v but_o this_o do_v not_o continue_v long_o it_o be_v as_o a_o calm_a before_o a_o storm_n for_o soon_o after_o my_o time_n be_v almost_o out_o i_o begin_v to_o have_v some_o thought_n of_o my_o set_n up_o and_o
enter_v into_o the_o world_n but_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o embrace_v the_o motion_n but_o that_o very_a day_n i_o feel_v a_o change_n in_o my_o poor_a soul_n viz._n a_o too_o too_o much_o let_v out_o my_o thought_n upon_o it_o which_o i_o most_o perceive_v in_o duty_n and_o the_o devil_n who_o long_o wait_v his_o opportunity_n do_v then_o i_o be_o afraid_a not_o only_o parley_v but_o get_v entrance_n through_o the_o treachery_n and_o deceitfulness_n of_o my_o wretched_a heart_n and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o may_v lawful_o settle_v my_o mind_n upon_o this_o it_o be_v a_o business_n of_o great_a concernment_n and_o that_o it_o will_v be_v but_o a_o little_a while_n and_o then_o i_o shall_v return_v to_o my_o former_a temper_n in_o spiritual_a matter_n upon_o those_o delusion_n my_o silly_a heart_n give_v way_n and_o i_o find_v too_o much_o willingness_n of_o soul_n to_o place_v its_o concern_v in_o that_o matter_n and_o so_o i_o lay_v down_o my_o watch_n soon_o lose_v my_o former_a experience_n and_o every_o day_n i_o find_v my_o comfort_n on_o the_o ebb_a hand_n i_o secret_o depart_v from_o god_n and_o darken_v the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n that_o do_v shine_v sometime_o upon_o my_o soul_n and_o have_v not_o infinite_a grace_n put_v a_o seasonable_a word_n into_o your_o mouth_n to_o prevent_v i_o how_o have_v i_o fall_v and_o whither_o have_v i_o go_v i_o can_v not_o have_v think_v it_o possible_a that_o ever_o my_o heart_n shall_v decline_v so_o strange_o as_o it_o do_v i_o that_o former_o can_v serve_v my_o master_n faithful_o cheerful_o and_o comfortable_o do_v it_o grutch_o and_o not_o out_o of_o love_n though_o i_o never_o fall_v so_o far_o through_o grace_n as_o to_o neglect_v any_o thing_n of_o his_o business_n yet_o 〈◊〉_d lose_v the_o right_a principle_n of_o action_n and_o the_o art_n of_o spiritualize_v of_o civil_a affair_n and_o this_o last_v for_o about_o three_o month_n it_o be_v scarce_o to_o be_v think_v what_o perplexity_n i_o bring_v myself_o into_o by_o my_o backslide_n from_o god_n i_o have_v not_o time_n to_o declare_v thing_n and_o have_v i_o it_o will_v be_v very_o unwelcome_a to_o you_o true_a i_o hope_v i_o do_v enjoy_v some_o communion_n with_o god_n when_o i_o be_v engage_v in_o duty_n especial_o in_o that_o to_o be_v admire_v ordinance_n of_o the_o sacrament_n and_o prayer_n but_o yet_o my_o comfort_n and_o duty_n usual_o end_v together_o i_o hope_v the_o experience_n that_o i_o have_v have_v of_o the_o treachery_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n will_v make_v i_o carry_v a_o fence_n of_o my_o weakness_n and_o folly_n so_o as_o 〈◊〉_d throw_v myself_o whole_o upon_o the_o wisdom_n of_o god_n i_o have_v thus_o open_v my_o soul_n to_o you_o o_o that_o the_o lord_n who_o first_o for_o his_o own_o name_n sake_n show_v mercy_n to_o i_o when_o i_o deserve_v none_o will_v now_o look_v upon_o i_o in_o my_o low_a estate_n and_o consult_v the_o same_o bowel_n of_o pity_n and_o compassion_n which_o be_v infinite_a past_o the_o sin_n of_o finite_a creature_n o_o that_o he_o will_v heal_v my_o backslide_n and_o love_v i_o free_o god_n be_v the_o same_o and_o change_v not_o and_o my_o hope_n be_v that_o he_o will_v again_o return_v and_o visit_v my_o soul_n in_o mercy_n after_o this_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o come_v in_o again_o and_o he_o find_v his_o former_a comfort_n in_o some_o measure_n return_v after_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n with_o his_o own_o heart_n and_o wrestle_v with_o god_n hear_v what_o language_n he_o begin_v to_o speak_v again_o bless_a be_v god_n for_o what_o i_o do_v enjoy_v it_o be_v ten_o thousand_o time_n more_o than_o i_o deserve_v i_o hope_v the_o dew_n of_o the_o sanctuary_n do_v oft_o refresh_v i_o and_o the_o blood_n of_o jesus_n be_v my_o cordial_n when_o i_o sit_v at_o his_o table_n he_o visit_v i_o and_o his_o banner_n over_o i_o be_v love_n i_o may_v speak_v it_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o rich_a grace_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v in_o a_o better_a frame_n than_o it_o be_v and_o i_o be_o more_o free_a from_o distraction_n in_o duty_n but_o yet_o i_o be_o far_o from_o that_o frame_n that_o i_o be_v once_o in_o my_o distemper_n it_o lie_v in_o want_n of_o those_o strong_a affection_n to_o god_n and_o that_o which_o have_v make_v i_o so_o silent_a to_o you_o be_v the_o fear_n of_o hypocrisy_n lest_o my_o tongue_n shall_v at_o any_o time_n outreach_v my_o heart_n i_o may_v be_v far_o large_a and_o yet_o speak_v none_o but_o his_o word_n this_o i_o think_v may_v prove_v that_o he_o be_v a_o very_a curious_a observer_n of_o his_o own_o soul_n and_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o least_o departure_n of_o his_o heart_n from_o god_n or_o god_n absent_v of_o himself_o from_o he_o i_o may_v tell_v you_o what_o pain_n he_o take_v to_o prepare_v for_o the_o sacrament_n and_o what_o exactness_n he_o use_v afterward_o in_o take_v notice_n how_o his_o soul_n be_v affect_v &_o when_o it_o be_v not_o raise_v what_o care_n do_v he_o use_v till_o he_o find_v a_o fresh_a wâ—râ—nth_n heat_n and_o life_n animate_v of_o he_o i_o may_v tell_v you_o how_o frequent_a he_o be_v in_o that_o rare_a duty_n of_o meditation_n i_o speak_v not_o this_o without_o book_n many_o sheet_n of_o his_o meditation_n which_o i_o have_v by_o i_o show_v that_o he_o be_v no_o stranger_n to_o those_o spiritual_a duty_n which_o few_o understand_v and_o few_o practice_n 9_o he_o be_v great_o desirous_a to_o be_v reprove_v and_o watch_v over_o that_o of_o the_o psalmist_n be_v oft_o in_o his_o mouth_n and_o write_v in_o his_o letter_n let_v the_o righteous_a smite_v i_o and_o it_o shall_v be_v a_o kindness_n and_o let_v he_o reprove_v i_o and_o it_o shall_v be_v excellent_a oil_n which_o shall_v not_o break_v my_o head_n 10._o he_o be_v much_o exercise_v in_o act_n of_o mortification_n and_o self_n denial_n he_o labour_v to_o keep_v under_o his_o body_n to_o have_v the_o command_n of_o his_o passion_n and_o affection_n very_o temperate_a drink_v water_n etc._n etc._n 11._o he_o be_v frequent_o praise_v of_o god_n and_o speak_v well_o of_o his_o way_n indeed_o his_o deportment_n be_v such_o that_o he_o credit_v religion_n and_o commend_v the_o service_n of_o his_o great_a master_n and_o make_v people_n to_o believe_v that_o religion_n be_v a_o excellent_a thing_n and_o he_o justify_v wisdom_n and_o be_v able_a to_o say_v her_o way_n be_v pleasantness_n and_o her_o path_n peace_n 12._o he_o be_v a_o very_a good_a husband_n of_o time_n one_o will_v wonder_v how_o one_o can_v roll_v over_o such_o a_o deal_n of_o business_n as_o he_o do_v not_o in_o the_o least_o neglect_v his_o master_n affair_n and_o yet_o that_o he_o shall_v write_v such_o packet_n of_o letter_n and_o pen_n so_o many_o meditation_n and_o be_v so_o very_o helpful_a to_o his_o brethren_n the_o young_a man_n how_o many_o book_n do_v he_o read_v over_o and_o read_v they_o to_o the_o purpose_n so_o as_o to_o make_v they_o his_o own_o some_o of_o they_o five_o or_o six_o time_n over_o and_o if_o he_o have_v no_o company_n to_o discourse_v with_o when_o he_o go_v abroad_o he_o look_v oft_o into_o his_o pocket_n book_n which_o be_v call_v make_v religion_n one_o business_n 13._o he_o have_v a_o strong_a affection_n for_o the_o faithful_a minister_n of_o christ_n and_o be_v concern_v when_o the_o cloud_n begin_v to_o threaten_v they_o that_o he_o engage_v all_o the_o prayer_n he_o can_v for_o they_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v blow_v over_o this_o storm_n and_o i_o be_o ready_a to_o think_v that_o this_o may_v hasten_v his_o end_n 14._o he_o be_v great_o afraid_a of_o spiritual_a pride_n to_o this_o end_n he_o desire_v i_o to_o keep_v a_o watch_n over_o he_o and_o beseech_v i_o to_o discover_v it_o to_o he_o when_o i_o do_v at_o any_o time_n discern_v the_o act_n of_o it_o but_o though_o he_o have_v great_a part_n and_o gift_n above_o his_o age_n yet_o the_o fence_n of_o former_a sin_n and_o his_o curious_a observance_n of_o his_o heart_n and_o the_o fence_n of_o free_a grace_n keep_v he_o very_o low_o 15._o he_o seem_v to_o be_v possess_v with_o the_o thought_n of_o death_n and_o eternity_n he_o have_v a_o strong_a impression_n upon_o his_o spirit_n of_o the_o nearness_n of_o his_o end_n for_o about_o half_a a_o year_n before_o he_o die_v and_o 16._o he_o be_v much_o above_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n and_o from_o a_o deep_a fence_n of_o the_o reality_n of_o invisibles_n and_o his_o propriety_n in_o they_o he_o think_v long_o for_o possession_n and_o he_o can_v say_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v dissolve_v and_o to_o be_v with_o jesus_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n before_o he_o die_v he_o
my_o heart_n at_o that_o time_n be_v so_o desperate_o wicked_a that_o doubtless_o have_v not_o a_o almighty_a power_n pity_v i_o i_o shall_v even_o have_v pawn_v my_o soul_n for_o the_o obtain_n of_o what_o i_o then_o desire_v then_o in_o a_o passion_n i_o make_v a_o presumptuous_a vow_n that_o i_o will_v leave_v off_o that_o sport_n for_o one_o year_n this_o be_v about_o november_n or_o december_n which_o for_o a_o little_a time_n i_o keep_v and_o now_o observe_v the_o great_a subtlety_n of_o the_o devil_n in_o this_o particular_a for_o no_o soon_o be_v it_o the_o first_o day_n of_o january_n but_o present_o i_o be_v tell_v that_o my_o vow_n be_v out_o of_o date_n and_o that_o it_o signify_v nothing_o and_o they_o be_v my_o carnal_a friend_n that_o tell_v i_o i_o be_v willing_a to_o make_v my_o conscience_n submit_v so_o that_o i_o soon_o embrace_v my_o old_a sport_n again_o and_o do_v plain_o lay_v myself_o open_a to_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n for_o such_o a_o great_a sin_n yet_o i_o can_v not_o so_o much_o charm_v my_o conscience_n but_o it_o will_v often_o accuse_v i_o for_o it_o but_o it_o be_v not_o many_o week_n after_o but_o i_o engage_v as_o deep_o in_o the_o same_o sin_n of_o game_n as_o before_o and_o now_o hear_v and_o admire_v for_o even_o now_o will_v appear_v such_o love_n as_o never_o any_o be_v ever_o sensible_a of_o but_o such_o as_o have_v feel_v it_o have_v be_v at_o the_o lose_a hand_n the_o season_n of_o the_o night_n call_v i_o away_o i_o leave_v off_o but_o much_o trouble_v and_o about_o five_o in_o the_o morning_n i_o awaken_v and_o then_o there_o be_v a_o pleasant_a lightness_n upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v refresh_v after_o great_a trouble_n what_o this_o mean_v i_o can_v not_o tell_v yet_o can_v not_o but_o take_v special_a notice_n of_o it_o that_o i_o who_o go_v to_o bed_n much_o dissatisfy_v and_o perplex_v shall_v when_o i_o awake_v seem_v to_o be_v so_o much_o comfort_v and_o my_o sleep_n for_o a_o little_a time_n depart_v from_o i_o and_o certain_o i_o have_v some_o deep_a thought_n which_o now_o i_o can_v remember_v but_o the_o result_n of_o they_o come_v to_o this_o i_o do_v then_o engage_v myself_o by_o a_o fresh_a vow_n that_o the_o next_o morning_n i_o will_v play_v so_o as_o to_o venture_v about_o two_o shilling_n and_o if_o i_o lose_v that_o than_o not_o to_o play_v any_o more_o for_o such_o a_o certain_a time_n and_o to_o my_o best_a remembrance_n for_o as_o i_o will_v not_o add_v so_o i_o will_v not_o diminish_v and_o so_o rob_v god_n of_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o poor_a soul_n of_o comfort_n i_o do_v at_o that_o time_n lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n but_o with_o what_o affection_n i_o can_v tell_v i_o hope_v not_o without_o great_a shame_n to_o crave_v his_o aid_n that_o i_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o keep_v my_o great_a vow_n and_o so_o when_o the_o time_n come_v that_o i_o be_v to_o venture_v my_o money_n which_o i_o think_v very_o long_o with_o great_a cheerfulness_n i_o go_v to_o play_v be_v very_o willing_a and_o i_o think_v desirous_a to_o lose_v which_o be_v soon_o accomplish_v according_a to_o my_o hope_n which_o when_o it_o be_v end_v i_o can_v say_v what_o i_o think_v or_o how_o my_o heart_n work_v but_o as_o i_o think_v that_o very_a day_n my_o heart_n be_v somewhat_o trouble_v by_o what_o follow_v for_o i_o have_v lose_v a_o great_a part_n of_o that_o in_o which_o my_o heart_n so_o much_o delight_v and_o idolise_v as_o its_o god_n and_o rest_v in_o as_o its_o ultimate_a end_n i_o can_v not_o find_v rest_n in_o it_o as_o former_o and_o so_o be_v much_o trouble_v i_o go_v to_o peruse_v some_o toy_n that_o i_o have_v by_o i_o and_o among_o they_o there_o be_v one_o jewel_n which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o hand_n which_o be_v a_o book_n entitle_v the_o crumb_n of_o comfort_n the_o which_o when_o i_o feel_v my_o heart_n somewhat_o incline_v to_o peruse_v i_o be_v much_o perplex_v within_o myself_o and_o can_v not_o but_o wonder_v what_o manner_n of_o salutation_n this_o shall_v be_v and_o now_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v great_a cause_n to_o acknowledge_v that_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n be_v in_o all_o this_o but_o i_o will_v not_o on_o this_o account_n any_o way_n turn_v aside_o but_o go_v on_o as_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o conscience_n now_o witness_v to_o i_o and_o i_o hope_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n likewise_o and_o so_o very_o desirous_a i_o be_v to_o know_v the_o meaning_n of_o this_o dark_a providence_n as_o than_o it_o appear_v to_o i_o to_o be_v that_o more_o or_o less_o for_o two_o day_n together_o i_o often_o peruse_v more_o of_o the_o book_n but_o my_o heart_n be_v little_o affect_v to_o any_o particular_a thing_n and_o yet_o i_o be_v trouble_v more_o and_o more_o within_o i_o and_o can_v find_v no_o rest_n for_o my_o poor_a soul_n and_o in_o less_o than_o a_o week_n time_n i_o think_v about_o the_o end_n of_o two_o or_o three_o day_n the_o more_o i_o read_v i_o begin_v to_o have_v more_o deep_a thought_n and_o heart_n amaze_a consideration_n which_o begin_v to_o make_v i_o exceed_o trouble_v and_o much_o cast_v down_o about_o the_o state_n and_o condition_n of_o my_o poor_a captive_a soul_n which_o as_o i_o tell_v you_o before_o be_v almost_o sink_v into_o the_o bottom_n of_o the_o bottomless_a sea_n of_o god_n wrath_n from_o which_o there_o be_v no_o redemption_n with_o the_o weight_n of_o its_o insupportable_a sin_n and_o now_o what_o the_o chief_a act_n of_o my_o soul_n be_v i_o can_v tell_v but_o sure_o i_o be_o that_o my_o trouble_n do_v increase_v yet_o more_o and_o more_o and_o i_o hope_v it_o be_v for_o my_o sin_n for_o i_o do_v well_o remember_v that_o within_o very_a few_o day_n or_o rather_o hour_n after_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n and_o the_o sight_n of_o they_o be_v so_o clear_a and_o the_o number_n of_o they_o so_o numberless_a and_o their_o aggravation_n so_o weighty_a and_o the_o nature_n of_o they_o so_o detestable_a that_o what_o i_o then_o feel_v i_o can_v now_o possible_o declare_v oh_o where_o be_v i_o certain_o have_v i_o be_v surprise_v with_o the_o great_a enemy_n in_o the_o world_n and_o my_o life_n in_o the_o great_a danger_n i_o can_v not_o have_v be_v more_o trouble_v and_o have_v i_o be_v afflict_v with_o all_o the_o torture_n that_o man_n can_v have_v devise_v i_o shall_v not_o have_v be_v more_o torment_v nay_o i_o think_v if_o my_o deceitful_a heart_n do_v not_o deceive_v i_o that_o have_v i_o be_v in_o hell_n among_o those_o infernal_a fiend_n and_o have_v hear_v the_o yell_n and_o howl_n of_o those_o damn_a wretch_n i_o think_v i_o can_v not_o have_v be_v much_o more_o affright_a for_o than_o i_o do_v look_v upon_o my_o soul_n to_o be_v within_o a_o hair_n breadth_n of_o eternal_a misery_n and_o oh_o the_o condition_n i_o see_v myself_o then_o in_o be_v unutterable_a have_v there_o not_o be_v a_o everlasting_a arm_n of_o power_n and_o mercy_n underneath_o i_o shall_v undoubted_o have_v follow_v the_o step_n of_o cain_n or_o judas_n but_o o_o bless_a and_o admire_v be_v free_a grace_n and_o why_o i_o lord_n why_o i_o oh_o love_n love_n love_n even_o love_v unspeakable_a yea_o love_n unutterable_a and_o further_o in_o this_o my_o trouble_n the_o lord_n be_v so_o far_o please_v to_o pity_n and_o show_v mercy_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n that_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o very_o long_o labour_v under_o this_o insupportable_a burden_n of_o her_o great_a and_o mighty_a sin_n but_o i_o perceive_v a_o door_n of_o hope_n as_o it_o be_v unlatch_v and_o somewhat_o open_a and_o that_o if_o i_o will_v but_o in_o good_a earnest_n turn_v to_o god_n that_o yet_o it_o be_v not_o too_o late_o and_o that_o there_o be_v hope_n in_o israel_n concern_v this_o thing_n which_o consideration_n do_v not_o a_o little_a comfort_n my_o poor_a soul_n and_o then_o further_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o open_v my_o heart_n to_o visit_v one_o who_o i_o think_v may_v do_v i_o much_o good_a and_o i_o judge_v he_o fit_a to_o be_v acquaint_v with_o my_o condition_n in_o that_o i_o hope_v he_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o by_o the_o way_n let_v i_o tell_v you_o that_o i_o do_v at_o that_o time_n unspeakable_o love_v all_o such_o even_o more_o than_o my_o own_o relation_n with_o humility_n let_v it_o be_v speak_v and_o when_o i_o be_v with_o he_o he_o joyful_o receive_v i_o and_o declare_v unto_o i_o many_o comfortable_a thing_n which_o through_o grace_n do_v not_o a_o little_a raise_v my_o deject_a spirit_n and_o he_o then_o lend_v i_o