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book_n good_a great_a read_v 3,182 5 5.8148 4 true
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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A13841 Laugh and lie dovvne: or, The worldes folly Tourneur, Cyril, 1575?-1626. 1605 (1605) STC 24148.7; ESTC S111332 21,320 44

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weying the weight of euery cause and the estate of euerie client was more gratious then polliticke and so like an honest poore man better studied in the lawe of God then profiting by the law of man more fit for praier then for pleading sat reading of a case betwixte the vertue of necessity and the pride of superfluitie where Lazarus out of heauen shewed the blessing of patience and Diues out of Hel shewed the reward of vncharitablenes But let him there sit shaking the heade at Usurie and let me tell you a litle of the behauiour of that Monster who hauing béene for the most parte of his life fed with the offall flesh the pairings of chéese and the droppings of tappes wringing out the toyle of the labourer the harde market of the tradesman the prodigalitie of the rich and the miserie of the poore Those heapes of goulde that had shutte vp his heart in his purse sate in the chaire of iniquity tortured with the gowte nummed with the palsie cramped with the collicke and torrmented in the soule with the woorme of conscience cryeing by fittes as he had any case oh the hell of a wounded conscience widdowes rise out of your graues take your leases of your houses and pray for some ease of my passion children of vnhappie parents receiue the gaine of vnlawefull interest take your portions too long kept from you onely pray for my comforte that I bee not vtterly confounded miserable men come out of your prisons I forgiue you your debts and wil restore you your due Oh the ertreame reward of extremitie where lawe is without loue andcouetousnes without conscience oh the teares of the widdow the cries of the orphane the miserie of the poore and the lamentation of the destressed I sée them I heare them I féele them Oh I knowe not what to doe nor where to rest for them they rise vp to heauen and weigh mee downe to hell Oh what auaileth all the worlde to him that looseth his owne soule but farewell world I defie thée wealth I hate thée Auarice I detest thée Charitie I imbrace thée Pittie I loue thée Necessitie I relieue thée Oppression I abhorre thée Mercie I adore thée Hell I haue not to doe with thée Heauen I come to thée So distributing to the poore and comforting the miserable disposing of his worldly goods to the good of the distressed christian bequeathing to the lawyer for his care of conscience an annuitie to kéepe him from vncharitable fées and the Broker a reasonable portion to make him leaue his griping kinde of trade or profession rising from his seat of torment fell sodainly on his knées to praier where his paines mitigated and his praiers ended he became a new creature chusing rather to die a poore christian then to liue a rich Iew. A strang sight but worth the looking on but there let me leaue him in a good exercise and tel yon what followed of the Broker that poore man féeing the lawyer and the vsurer both gone from the world and himselfe left in a pittifull taking to tarrie in it followes his good maisters before him deliuers vp his pawnes and his bonds vpon such reasonable consideration that within a while he grew out of cre dit with the money-maisters and so giuing ouer his shop and contented with a meane pittance liued like a good foole with his good masters but since the folly before men is wisdome before God I hold such fools in better estate then greater knaues in more reckoning but when these men had a while talked of the comfort of their concertion I scarce turned my head aside but they were gone When presently came in an olde fellowe with a penne in his eare and a booke in his hande who sitting downe in a seate like a Sumner in a Church portch or an A B C schoolemasster laid downe a great booke before him where hee read certaine names but his voice being somewhat law I could not heare him but his words I take it were after this manner William I know not what more of I know not whence Gentleman for selling of his Lande and putting of it into money and spendinge of it in the Warres and comming home a begger entertained for the shaddow of witte the fourth of Aprill in the yéere of Imperfection shew your selfe in your place wherewith commeth foorth a strange creature with a bush on his head and a forrest on his face a frowning brow and a léering Eye who sitting downe on a Beanch answeared Zounds héere I am a pox of all Fooles what wouldst thou Well quoth the old man enough Impatience is one badge of Folly stay a while Then he reads Thomas but no more of et cetera that had a good stocke of money and loste it in play entertained for the losse of time come foorthe when presently appeared a poore man ill clad leane faced and heauy Eied biting his fingers and cursing the Rascall dice and rayling vpon Fortune Oh God sayes the olde man Fortune is the trust of Folly an other of my Ladies Badges well sit you downe Then beginnes he againe Parnell of such a place widdowe well left by a kind and carefull husbande and forgetting his loue and your owne good bestowed all and lost all vpon a Ruffling royster entertained for the picture of wilfulnesse where are you When out commeth a creature like a woman but hanging the head and wringing the hands and wiping the Eyes and with a deepe sigh saying Had I wist this would haue falne out Oh well said the old man Had I wist another of my Ladies fauours sit of the tother towne Daughter to Goodmanne Braye-goose that being brought to good huswife ry and for a fidlinge humour will runne from your friendes and learne a Base occupation shewe the fruit of your frauatle when commes me foorth a iolly browne Wench with a face a foote long a mouth a yarde wide a legge like a mill-post and a foote of a Giantes last and with a belly so full as threatned two Twinnes at the least who holding hir hande on her face saide Idlenesse Idlenes it was my vtter ouer throw True saies hee it is enough Idlenes another of my Ladies badges Idlenes brings man tonnes and shame followeth Wickednesse the Trulles Trenchiuall well take yourplace and sit downe Which done he reades goodman Rableyes of hollow Groue and Hobby Noble of Lowe Crosse hauing spente the profite of your yarde lands vppou triall of the right in a hey-cocke where be you When out commes twoe countrey people one with hob-nailde shoes and the other with a patcht Ierkin and swore as long as they were woorth a groat they woulde try the right of the law I care not I so I haue my wil both standing vpon one point well quoth he Will it is enough a Badge of my mistresses that briedes nothing but woe makes the Lawyers rich and your selues poore good Fooles sit you downe Which done out comes a Gallant richly apparrelled but meanely moneyed who hadde written on his backe In the midst of my stare When the olde man writ Pride will haue a fall a Lordshippe on his backe a huge weight hee must néeds sinke vnder it After him followes a fine Minion that made tweny faces and thirty graces and had so many merry trickes that she made all the companie laugh when tripping on the Toe and counterfitting a kinde of lispe for lacke of sound teethe she thus made vse of her tongue Oh heauens what a worlde is this Nothinge but money Why is all handsomnes out of fashion is beauty at so lowe a price a dainesye Wench not woorth the whissting is all Grasse become hey Can a dry Summer make suche a dearth that there is no money to be hadde for mowers Now tie vpon gréene Plununes in troth they make my stomacke wamble good Lord I haue so sweat with making me ready that if it were not for wearines I would not haue rose before noone But I haue met with my breakefast and therefore I may stay my stomacke to dinner oh the French fail and the Spanish stitch the Italian bodies and the Persian skarfe I hope I will be furnisht to the proofe And yet to say troth I am so fantasticke that I shall be weary of them al within a while Heigh-ho well said Sister sayes the old man fantasticke another badge of my Ladies sit you downe which done came in diuers couples togither an olde blinde man and lusty a young wench and born before them vp in a shielde A Cornucopia vnder with was written Plenty Next after them an old lame woman and a nimble young man and before them borne a Scorpion Ouer which was written Poyson Then followed a young man and a young woman both poore in purse but in good state of body and before them borne Gemini and ouer them written Loue. Then followed a Riche Cuckolde and a poore Whore and borne them Aries and written Patience Many other pretty Figures there were expressing the meaning of these Maskers which for lack of a note booke are suddainlie slipt out of my memorie But when this Maske had once gone aboute the Roome comes out a Foole in a pied coat and tels them they must make an ende quickly and take their places for the Lady was comming to see an Enterlude and presētly a noise of shames with an outery of knaues came out with such a Shoute that while I looke for some fine matter wakt me suddenly out of my sleepe So that I neuer heard more of any of them but was euer man so troubled in his sléepe wel I was exceedinge glad when I was awake I was so vvell and safely deliuered out of this Pur gatory Why there cannot be such a thing and therfore as a dreame let it passe and so hoping that if you note well this dreame it will doe you no hurte when you are awake hoping you will heare with Sléepers if any thing be not as it shoulde be in some hast about other businesse I bid you heartily farewel FINIS