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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A57001	The works of the famous Mr. Francis Rabelais, doctor in physick treating of the lives, heroick deeds, and sayings of Gargantua and his son Pantagruel : to which is newly added the life of the author / written originally in French, and translated into English by Sr. Thomas Urchard.; Works. English. 1664	Rabelais, François, ca. 1490-1553?; Urquhart, Thomas, Sir, 1611-1660.	1664 (1664)	Wing R103; ESTC R24488	220,658	520

O my pretty little waggish boy said Grangousier what an excellent wit thou hast I will make thee very shortly proceed Doctor in the jovial quirks of gay learning and that by G for thou hast more wit then age now I prethie go on in this torcheculaife orw ipe-bummatory discourse and by my beard I swear for one punche on thou shalt have threescore pipes I mean of the good Breton wine not that which growes in Britain but in the good countrey of Verron Afterwards I wiped my bum said Gargantua with a kerchief with a pillow with a pantoufle with a pouch with a pannier but that was a wicked and unpleasant torchecul then with a hat of hats note that some are shorne and others shaggie some velveted others covered with taffitie's and others with sattin the best of all these is the shaggie hat for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter Afterwards I wiped my taile with a hen with a cock with a pullet with a calves skin with a hare with a pigeon with a cormorant with an Atturneyes bag with a montero with a coife with a faulconers lure but to conclude I say and maintain that of all torcheculs arsewisps bumfodders tail-napkins bunghole-cleansers and wipe-breeches there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose that is well douned if you hold her head betwixt your legs and beleeve me therein upon mine honour for you will thereby feele in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure both in regard of the softnesse of the said doune and of the temperate heat of the goose which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards insofarre as to come even to the regions of the heart and braines and think not that the felicity of the heroes and demigods in the Elysian fields consisteth either in their Asphodele Ambrosia or Nectar as our old women here use to say but in this according to my judgement that they wipe their tailes with the neck of a goose holding her head betwixt their legs and such is the opinion of Master Iohn of Scotland alias Scotus CHAP. XIV How Gargantua was taught Latine by a Sophister THe good man Grangousier having heard this discourse was ravished with admiration considering the high reach and marvellous understanding of his sonne Gargantua and said to his governesses Philip King of Macedon knew the great wit of his sonne Alexander by his skilful managing of a horse for his horse Bucephalus was so fierce and unruly that none durst adventure to ride him after that he had given to his Riders such devillish falls breaking the neck of this man the other mans leg braining one and putting another out of his jaw-bone This by Alexander being considered one day in the hippodrome which was a place appointed for the breaking and managing of great horses he perceived that the fury of the horse proceeded meerly from the feare he had of his own shadow whereupon getting on his back he run him against the Sun so that the shadow fell behinde and by that meanes tamed the horse and brought him to his hand whereby his father knowing the divine judgement that was in him caused him most carefully to be instructed by Aristotle who at that time was highly renowned above all the Philosophers of Greece after the same manner I tell you that by this only discourse which now I have here had before you with my sonne Gargantua I know that his understanding doth participate of some divinity and that if he be well taught and have that education which is fitting he will attain to a supreme degree of wisdome Therefore will I commit him to some learned man to have him indoctrinated according to his capacity and will spare no cost Presently they appointed him a great Sophister-Doctor called Master Tubal Holophernes who taught him his A B C so well that he could say it by heart backwards and about this he was five yeares and three moneths Then read he to him Donat facet theodolet and Alanus in parabolis About this he was thirteen years six moneths and two weeks but you must remark that in the mean time he did learn to write in Gottish characters and that he wrote all his books for the Art of printing was not then in use and did ordinarily carry a great pen and inkhorne weighing above seven thousand quintals that is 700000 pound weight the penner whereof was as big and as long as the great pillar of Enay and the horne was hanged to it in great iron chaines it being of the widenesse of a tun of merchand ware After that he read unto him the book de modis significandi with the Commentaries of Hurtbise of Fasquin of Tropifeu of Gualhaut of Ihon Calf of Billonio of Berlinguandus and a rabble of others and herein he spent more then eighteen yeares and eleven monethes and was so well versed in it that to try masteries in School-disputes with his condisciples he would recite it by heart backwards and did sometimes prove on his fingers ends to his mother quod de modis significandi non erat scientia Then did he reade to him the compost for knowing the age of the Moon the seasons of the year and tides of the sea on which he spent sixteen yeares and two moneths and that justly at the time that his said Praeceptor died of the French Pox which was in the yeare one thousand foure hundred and twenty Afterwards he got an old coughing fellow to teach him named Master Iobelin Bride or muzled doult who read unto him Hugotio Flebard Grecisme the doctrinal the parts the quid est the supplementum Marmoretus de moribus in mensa servandis Seneca de quatuor virtutibus cardinalibus Passavantus cum commentar and dormi securè for the holy days and some other of such like mealie stuffe by reading whereof he became as wise as any we ever since baked in an Oven CHAP. XV. How Gargantua was put under other School-masters AT the last his father perceived that indeed he studied hard and that although he spent all his time in it did neverthelesse profit nothing but which is worse grew thereby foolish simple doted and blockish whereof making a heavie regret to Don Philip of Marays Viceroy or deputie-King of Papeligosse he found that it were better for him to learne nothing at all then to be taught such like books under such Schoolmasters because their knowledge was nothing but brutishnesse and their wisdome but blunt foppish toyes serving only to bastardize good and noble spirits and to corrupt all the flower of youth That it is so take said he any young boy of this time who hath only studied two yeares if he have not a better judgement a better discourse and that expressed in better termes then your sonne with a compleater carriage and civility to all manner of persons account me for ever hereafter a very clounch and baconslicer of Brene This pleased Grangousier very

their breeches for it is against nature as hath most amply been shewed Ockam upon the explonibles of Master Hautechaussade For his breeches were taken up eleven hundred and five ells and a third of white broad cloth They were cut in forme of pillars chamfered channel'd and pinked behinde that they might not over-heat his reines and were within the panes puffed out with the lining of as much blew damask as was needful and remark that he had very good Leg-harnish proportionable to the rest of his stature For his Codpeece were used sixteen ells and a quarter of the same cloth and it was fashioned on the top like unto a Triumphant Arch most gallantly fastened with two enamell'd Clasps in each of which was set a great Emerauld as big as an Orange for as sayes Orpheus lib. de lapidibus and Plinius libr. ultimo it hath an erective vertue and comfortative of the natural member The extiture out-jecting or out-standing of his Codpiece was of the length of a yard jagged and pinked and withal bagging and strouting out with the blew damask lining after the manner of his breeches but had you seen the faire Embroyderie of the small needle-work purle and the curiously interlaced knots by the Goldsmiths Art set out and trimmed with rich Diamonds precious Rubies fine Turquoises costly Emeraulds and Persian pearles you would have compared it to a faire Cornucopia or Horne of abundance such as you see in Anticks or as Rhea gave to the two Nymphs Amalthea and Ida the Nurses of Iupiter And like to that Horn of abundance it was still gallant succulent droppie sappie pithie lively alwayes flourishing alwayes fructifying full of juice full of flower full of fruit and all manner of delight I avow God it would have done one good to have seen him but I will tell you more of him in the book which I have made of the dignity of Codpieces One thing I will tell you that as it was both long and large so was it well furnished and victualled within nothing like unto the hypocritical Codpieces of some fond Wooers and Wench-courters which are stuffed only with wind to the great prejudice of the female sexe For his shoes were taken up foure hundred and six elles of blew Crimson-velvet and were very neatly cut by parallel lines joyned in uniforme cylindres for the soling of them were made use of eleven hundred Hides of brown Cowes shapen like the taile of a Keeling For his coat were taken up eighteen hundred elles of blew velvet died in grain embroidered in its borders with faire Gilliflowers in the middle decked with silver purle intermixed with plates of gold and store of pearles hereby shewing that in his time he would prove an especial good fellow and singular whip-can His girdle was made of three hundred elles and a halfe of silken serge halfe white and half blew if I mistake it not His sword was not of Valentia nor his dagger of Saragosa for his father could not endure these hidalgos borrachos maranisados como diablos but he had a faire sword made of wood and the dagger of borled leather as well painted and guilded as any man could wish His purse was made of the cod of an Elephant which was given him by Herre Praecontal Proconsul of Lybia For his Gown were employed nine thousand six hundred elles wanting two thirds of blew velvet as before all so diagonally purled that by true perspective issued thence an unnamed colour like that you see in the necks of Turtle-doves or Turkie-cocks which wonderfully rejoyceth the eyes of the beholders For his Bonnet or Cap were taken up three hundred two elles and a quarter of white velvet and the forme thereof was wide and round of the bignesse of his Head for his father said that the Caps of the Mirabaise fashion made like the Cover of a Pastie would one time or other bring a mischief on those that wore them For his Plume he wore a faire great blew feather plucked from an Onocrotal of the countrey of Hircania the wilde very prettily hanging down over his right eare For the Jewel or broach which in his Cap he carried he had in a Cake of gold weighing threescore and eight marks a faire piece enamell'd wherein was portrayed a mans body with two heads looking towards one another foure armes foure feet two arses such as Plato in Symposio sayes was the mystical beginning of mans nature and about it was written in Ionick letters 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 or rather 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that is Vir Mulier junctim propriissimè homo To wear about his neck he had a golden chaine weighing twenty five thousand and sixty three marks of gold the links thereof being made after the manner of great berries amongst which were set in work green Jaspers ingraven and cut Dragon-like all invironed with beams and sparks as King Nicepsos of old was wont to weare them and it reached down to the very bust of the rising of his belly whereby he reaped great benefit all his life long as the Greek Physicians knew well enough For his Gloves were put in work sixteen Otters skins and three of lougarous or men-eating wolves for the bordering of them and of this stuffe were they made by the appointment of the Cabalists of Sanlono As for the Rings which his father would have him to weare to renew the ancient mark of Nobility He had on the forefinger of his left hand a Carbuncle as big as an Ostrige's Egge inchased very daintily in gold of the finenesse of a Turkie Seraph Upon the middle finger of the same hand he had a Ring made of foure metals together of the strongest fashion that ever was seen so that the steel did not crash against the gold nor the silver crush the copper All this was made by Captain Chappins and Alcofribas his good Agent On the medical finger of his right hand he had a Ring made Spire wayes wherein was set a perfect baleu rubie a pointed Diamond and a Physon Emerald of an inestimable value for Hans-carvel the King of Melinda's Jeweller esteemed them at the rate of threescore nine millions eight hundred ninety foure thousand and elghteen French Crowns of Berrie and at so much did the foucres of Auspurg prize them CHAP. IX The Colours and Liveries of Gargantua GArgantua's colours were white and blew as I have shewed you before by which his father would give us to understand that his sonne to him was a heavenly joy for the white did signifie gladnesse pleasure delight and rejoycing and the blew celestial things I know well enough that in reading this you laugh at the old drinker and hold this exposition of colours to be very extravagant and utterly disagreeable to reason because white is said to signifie faith and blew constancy But without moving vexing heating or putting you in a chafe for the weather is dangerous answer me if it please you for no other compulsory way of arguing