say What 's this Found him embrac'd him met him with a kiss Hands they did shake and for a pretty space One's rube Nose joyn'd t'other's purple Face They smil'd that cou'd the Myst'ry unfold The Man it seems drunk stiff and good Wine sold Lovers and Courtiers Rivals do not brook But Drunkards kindly on their Rivals look 67. EPIGRAM To the Generous THe Jew all Interest was forbid to take Advantage from his Brothers Want to make Their wise Men from this Law did thus decree Thy Brother Jew shall not Obsequious be For any Loan pay servile Usury Crouch or demean himself more abject low Pay a Respect before he did not owe. 68. EPIGRAM On a Lady's Musick-Book richly bound WHoever takes me in his Hand These things I give him in Command That he not idly let me fall Nor hold me yet for good and all That he defile me with no Smutch My Gilding was not lay'd for such That he transcrib's by stealth no Air My Leaves for any uses tear That he fills not my void-Spaces With the Draughts of filthy Faces No nor insert his Mistress Name Or yet his own Go seek thee Fame On Greenwich Leads or top of Pauls Where such-like Worthies make their Scroles There leaving carv'd their Names and Feet Monuments for their Glories meet Art and Cost made me thus fair To treasure like my self things rare To serve a Mistress of Great Name Of so Divine a Voice and Frame That neither can the Ears or Eyes Say in which most the Angel lies If then what 's artless vile or rude A brutish Hand shall here obtrude Know where Excellence high appears There hideous show the Asses Ears 69. EPIGRAM On Rufus THou often boast'st how free thou art from blame If none do praise thee none can also shame Boast thy good Luck that th' art not understood There must be Evil where is found no Good 70. EPIGRAM On the same NO Drunkard nor Adulterer thou art With Cheat or Robber ever act'st a part The Riddle 's dark in truth I can't deny Faith now expound where-in thy Vices lie 71. EPIGRAM On Frances FRances advanc'd to Chamber-Maids degree Vouchsaf'd sometimes her Country Friends to see And more to shew her Courtly Air and Art As she wore Silks she acted too the Part Of a fine Lady On a sultry day As soon as come her Neck she did display Much better hid gave one her Scarf to hold Her Fan and Gloves to those that were so bold Which all were not to touch such precious things She stript-up high her Arms brandish't her Rings Toss't her Locks flounc't t' express a gallant Mein Tho' to say truth not over-sweet nor clean Talk't loud and fulsom wry'd her Mouth Face What ere she thought wou'd add the greater Grace To taste of their course Fare they her did pray Which squemishly good Breeding to betray She did accept But like a Wolf did eat Lac'd Shoes at home abounded more than Meat When she was gone and all began t' admire Her stately Way Genteelness and Attire A Girl there said Mother what e'er you think I for my part smelt Mistress Frances stink 72. EPIGRAM On Scipio Africanus ANtiochus chose rather to defie The Roman Pow'r than with it to comply His Forces broke and utterly defeat In this submissive manner he did treat Not what before the War you did demand We yield but all you shall beside command The Noble Scipio thus did answer make Rome no Advantage does from Fortune take As she does scorn to stoop to adverse Fate By Prosp'rous she is never more elate Our Actions Justice not Success does guide We ask the same which you before deny'd 73. EPIGRAM On Claudia FAir Claudia wants no sweet and pow'rful Charms Her Eyes wound deep and cure the pleasing harms None can her Graces with such truth impart As I that feell them in my captiv'd Heart Yet when Divine Emilia does appear Claudia so many aws her self does fear Sighs and sheds Tears to see her Empire wain A greater Ex'lence o'er her lesser Reign While thus I spoke the smart and angry twang Of Cupid's Bow-string i' the Air loudly rang Traitor said he and can'st thou then approve An others Grace 'bove hers that thou dost love 74. EPIGRAM On a feign'd Friend WHen ought thou need'st thou do'st it so demand Not as one sues but one that does command In Friendship 's Name Thou say'st a Friend is known When in Distresses he his Friend will own This is a Truth which all will thee allow But then at other times I know not how So strange thou art thou scarce do'st know my Face Or with a bare Good-morrow wilt me grace Ore-see'st me oft industriously do'st shun Is 't Friendship only then to serve thy turn 75. EPIGRAM On Dionysius DIonysius ambitious was to be Tyrant no less o'er Wit than Sicily As he his Countries Laws had broke before The Muses he as barb'rously ore-bore A Poem to Phyloxenes did show Commanding there-upon his Thoughts to know Who true to 's Judgment to his Safety rash Defac'd the whole Performance with one dash For which the Tyrant did in rage confine His Judge to dig in Fetters in the Mine But disciplin'd did him again restore And shew'd him other Verses as before Reading them now the better to display Wherein their Grace and Elegancy lay Phyloxenes e'er half the Book was done On 's own accord beckon'd the Guards to come And back convey him to the Mine again To dig than hear holding it lesser Pain 76. EPIGRAM On Dr. Rugely robb'd and wounded GReat Nat'ralist good Christian and Divine Tho' rarely seen in thee they all combine So knowing yet so tender in thy Art That Patient and Physician both thou art And tho' Oracular th' Advices are Yet for the Sick thou of 't vouchsaf'st to fear As robb'd and wounded had'st thou too been slain How many Hundreds had receiv'd their Bain Thy Goodness weigh'd and Good that thou do'st do Death had been Sacriledge and Murder too Fit Veng'ance for this Crime no Tongue can tell As it was hatch'd it must be purg'd in Hell 77. EPIGRAM On the young Man in the Gospel THe rich young Man who in the Gospel thought No Terms were hard which unto Heaven Men brought When our Lord say'd If thou wilt perfect be Sell all thou ha'st and come and follow me He thought even Heaven cou'd not his loss repay And tho' he briskly came dejected went away 78. EPIGRAM On Dionysius PHyloxenes no Cruelties cou'd tame Or scorn the Tyrant Dionysius shame But Verses on him he wou'd still obtrude How'ere before his Censure had been rude The Tyrant oft reciting drop'd a Tear Phyloxenes affected to appear Said Me too what you read it pity'd much to hear 79. EPIGRAM On Madam Pen. WHy Madam Pen in such a fume and pet Th' Affront said she wou'd make even Patience fret 'T is bad enough to call one Trapes and Jade Insufferable old and ancient Maid 80. EPIGRAM On
to be But a Great Doctor we shall never see 92. EPIGRAM The Invitation of a Friend COme dine with me to day and you 'll revive Those drooping Spirits are but just alive All sweet and pure you ev'ry where shall find The Senses pleas'd do recreate the Mind Your Sight and Smell luxuriously I 'll treat E'er I do set before you ought to eat Nor shall your Welcome yet be wholly airy As if I feasted not a Man but Fairy Ven'son I have young Partidges and Hare Some Home-Provisions that may prove as rare Wine from the Soil immediately that 's brought Of various Kinds all Presents and not bought Choice Fruits and Herbs I not vouchsafe to name Aiming to day to reach Lucullus Fame We 'll eat alone unless a Third appear That will not check our Mirth but mend our Chear Prudence in whom does so out-vie what 's fair You 'll think all Vertue present when she 's there She 'll not importune with her Speech or stay Tho' all be Ex'llent that you hear her say And sad you 'll be when she does go away The Board remov'd the sober Fumes of Wine Our Thoughts shall wing to something that 's Divine We 'll that discourse which Vertue may improve Even at our Years our Knowledge our Love Confer what eithers Muse did late inspire Thou mine shalt judge while I do thine admire 93. EPIGRAM To the Jealous Reader EV'ry new Epigram that thou dost see Without all Cause thou fear'st decyphers thee But the Satyrick-Mirror shews the Case Or Vice never reflects Mens outward Face 94. EPIGRAM On Criticus MArius thou say'st in Knowledge not abounds His Books are few and weak in Arts his Grounds Thou in all Learning and all Tongues art skill'd Thy Shelves with num'rous best Authors fill'd Yet whatsoe'er Marius does undertake The most Judicious high Account of 't make And thy profound pretending Works despise As Dulness clothed in a Learn'd Disguise I thus in other Trades have seen such Fools Who Bunglers are yet proud of Ex'llent Tools 95. EPIGRAM On the Wicked in the highest degree VIcious conceited insolent and proud Void of all Worth yet positive and loud Ill Master Father Husband Neighbour Friend Whom sense of Right or Wrong cou'd never bend Who God unseen not only do'st despise But fatten'st i' th' Oppressed's Tears and Cries And smiling ask'st What 's after all the Evil None ' cause 't is hop'd thou 't fright from Earth the Devil 96. EPIGRAM On the like POor in thy Youth sharking and profligate Unjust proud when rais'd to high Estate Which thou conceiv'st thy Parts did bring thee to But want of Wit did plainly thee undo And when thou lay'st under the sadest Cross The Vice of all three Fortunes did'st engross 97. EPIGRAM On a Lady Painter WIth excellent Mast'ry thou draw'st the Face Each Feature do'st express and nat'ral Grace Were th' Inward-Man as well by me design'd I shou'd be stil'd the Titian of the Mind 98. EPIGRAM On the Enamour'd of a false Beauty A Well-bred Virgin Vert'ous Noble Wise Most Beautiful withall thou dost despise But Players Dancers Singers do'st admire These thou confessest set thy Heart on fire Did'st never hear how by a Magick-Spell Dead-Bodies have been rais'd and made to tell Some things above themselves and then have sunk Again into a Gastly loathsom Trunk Such if thy blindness wou'd allow thee prove thou 'dst find th' admired Object of thy Love The Persons self strip't of adult'rous Art Scarce wou'd make good the Carcass of her Part With-draw the Poets Words the Stage Attire And thou wilt loath what thou do'st now admire She like the Scenes appears a glorious Sky A Sun what not false Lights deceive thine Eye Both Paint and Trash are found examin'd nigh 99. EPIGRAM On a Coward LIke thee in safety none 's so fierce and bold Danger approaching none so faint and cold The Brave in Perril do consult which way They may orecome thou which to run-away They only ask what is their Duty here Thou what 's suggested by thy treach'rous Fear They face to face confront a daring Foe Thy Malice hid and sculking thou do'st show When they subdue their Anger they asswage But here thy Fury first begins to rage The Rancour Fear did in thy Heart suppress Without all Mercy now thou do'st express In Private Converse th' art to all a slave And certainly in Publick Trust a Knave 100. EPIGRAM What is Sweetest VVHat is so sweet nought with it can compare By Love perfum'd a vertuous Maid and fair 101. EPIGRAM On a conceited Person PErsuaded of thy Worth thou long'st to see What some do sear an Epigram on thee But little Bad or Good of thee I know And none delighted are with what 's so so This vulgar Proverb by thy self discuss Souce a Sows Ear 't will ne'ér make Velvet Purse Those Subjects I pass-by have no eselat In Vice and Vertue common are and flat 102. EPIGRAM On my Censorious Reader THou saist I 'm full of malice and of Spight Ill-nature's seen in all that I do write Thy Censure does not wound but me delight ' Gainst Vice I have ' gainst Men I never wrote Nor will for any Wrong or Price be brought Be thou Good-natur'd then to what is naught 103. EPIGRAM On the same MOre close and home thou yet do'st me accuse Say'st in an Epigram thy Words I use Nay a known Vice of thine display Be 't so Must I remember unto whom I owe All I have heard or seen Or must Men know A Person by a Speech or Act 'T is true by 'th Lions Claw a skilful Artist knew His bulk But who shall only draw thy Toe Thy Manners or thy Face will never show 104. EPIGRAM On the same DIspleased at the Freedom of my Pen Which thou conceiv'st defects so many Men Thou ask'st If I my self from Vice am free I wish I were But what is this to thee Why thou woud'st have me my own Follies show Alas who is so happy them to know But while thou think'st my self I do conceal All that I write my secret Thoughts reveal What I do love despise admire or hate When least designing I do truly state One Epigram may on some One reflect But they all joyn my Nature to detect 105. EPIGRAM On a mistaken Epigrammatist THou stil'st what 's nothing like an Epigram And may'st as well a Chicken term a Ram Or draw an Ape and then upon 't endorse The Animal you see I call a Horse On this thou do'st retort to me in spite My Verse are harsh Nor do I Sonnets write My Bark oft buffets with a rugged Stream And I must suit my stile unto my Theam Painters with flowing Oil their Figures draw But Carvers use the Chisel and the Saw 106. EPIGRAM On an ungrateful Visitant I 'M often troubl'd when I see thee here Too soon or late thou always do'st appear But the Myst'ry of this in brief to summ Thou can'st not possibly in
Rome WE grudge not Rome thy Secular Renown Usurped Primacy or Triple-Crown Right of Communion we do only claim While with the ancient Church our Faith 's the same While her three Creeds and Councils we embrace In all things strictly do her Foot-steps trace The Scripture Canon which thou call'd'st thine own Four hundred Years is that we also own Enrag'd thou say'st What is all this to thee Where is thy claim'd Infallibility Thy Purgatory Power to dispence With whatsoe'er the Scripture makes Offence Thy Image-Worship Worship of the Cross Of Saints and Angels be it with the loss Of a Commandment Let Tramontans rebel Thy Pow'r does yet extend to Heaven and Hell Think we ' cause Christians to avoid the Doom Of Hereticks while Enemies to Rome Thy Artifices we have all disclos'd Thy Cheats and Novelties to ' th' World expos'd Open'd all Nations Eyes and made them see How weakly thy Pretences founded be But what 's our Gain b' th' Pains we have employ'd W' have that confirm'd we hop'd to have destroi'd What by a Criple-Faith thou had'st before Thou hold'st by Int'rest now a Nobler Score All Kings and States are at this Day thy Friends Not as Times past deceiv'd but for their Ends. Peter his Keys consigned in a Mist And lost they h'd been and perhaps never miss't Had'st thou not found seiz'd them for a while An ignorant World these served to beguile But now thou do'st not on such shifts rely No Pow'r's so Great thou dare'st not to defie W' are sawcy therefore thus to claim Communion To hold with Thee a Parity and Union Do we for Pardon sue and for Protecttion What we Communion call shou'd be Subjection 81. EPIGRAM To Lelia THou wou'dst my Love I shou'd to thee engage Because we both do suit so well in Age But my own Wrinkles me offend and fright Expect'st thou then I shou'd in thine delight The Motive us'd ought rather us to sever Or else to bed us in a Grave together 82. EPIGRAM To my new Lord BEcause thou saw'st I pay'd thee a Respect Thou therefore did'st return me thy Neglect As if thy Honour were not thee allow'd Unless to those thou meet'st thou might'st be Proud Civil to be I ever held my part Not that I valu'd thee or what thou art When next I meet thee I 'll no Cap afford Sensless a ' Squire but down-right Brute a Lord. 83. EPIGRAM On a Lyer WHen 't is a Lye thou tell'st it with that Art Thou winn'st belief from ev'ry Ear Heart But Truth so lamely always do'st report Because it needs no Wit for its support That none receive the things that they do hear But with a wrong and a mistaken Cheer Held in the dark by that which thou do'st tell Rejoyce in Evil mourn when all is well Thou bane of Converse and thou greatest Curse Who stiflest Good and of 't mak'st Evils worse 84. EPIGRAM By way of Dialogue between the Author and his Friend Fr. WHat makes thee Probus in thy latter days As youthful still covet a Wreath of Bays Prob. Some hours in serious reading I can spend But long my Faculties I cannot bend As in times past Tir'd I Refreshment find In the Amusements of a roving Mind All Pleasures of the World from me are fled And I rejoyce some Years before me dead Friends say they come Respect and Love to pay But glad they are when they can get away And 't were a shame at this my Age to show Content to any but my self I owe. Epigrams afford a great Variety And ne'er are tir'd or tiring Company The Wise the Foolish Jocular and Sad The Noble Serious I see here and Mad. And like a Farce if some appear but mean Others display again a Glorious Scene My Life I not with thine but theirs compare Who droop their Days out in a sleeping Chair 85. EPIGRAM On Demas ARt thou so mope't past fourscore Years to wed A Woman to betray as may be said Unto a Grave not to a Nuptial-Bed Thou call'st thy walking Skelliton a Life And avow'd Baud'ry by the Name of Wife 86. EPIGRAM On Laura MOst lovely Maid of so Divine a Frame We see in thee all we can Ex'llent name The sweetness of a Spring thy Youth does summ And promis'd Blessings of the Year to come Yet thou wert slighted lately on the score A Bunch-Back brought upon 't two thousand more With whom thy cautious Gallant did engage But shortly after purchas 't from the Stage A Prostitute set all for her at nought And thought his Rotten-Ware was cheaply bought Thus when to seek a Wife such Muck-Worms go You 'd swear they went to Market not to woo They do so huckster bargain and demur Vertue and Beauty are not any Spur To make their Earthy sordid Minds lay-hold On that which gain'd wou'd all they have turn Gold 87. EPIGRAM On Theonina IN Censure spiteful Defamation bold Young but in Years and yet in Mischief old Lyes are thy Pastime Slander is thy Food To hatch some Evil thou do'st always brood Thou fear'st no Sin where thou do'st fear no Law Punishment may but Conscience ne'er did awe Since in what 's Bad thou glory'st to excel There is a King Be thou the Queen of Hell 88. EPIGRAM To Decius WHen thy rash Tongue ' gainst Vertue does transgress Thus thou do'st speak to make thy Folly less I never am strait-lac'd Probus 'fore thee No Pedant Noble one of our Degree What e'er thou mak'st me to thy self-appear Noble I am when Vertue I revere 89. EPIGRAM On a debauch'd Wit 'T H'ast read some Poets that the Grape adore Idolize Wit loose Life a rampant Who Despise all Vertue as below their Care And high on these accounts their Heads they bear These thou admir'st their Lessons do'st transcribe And glori'st to be listed of their Tribe Drink'st rant'st blasphem'st often do'st complain When thou do'st want thy Vices to maintain None do true Worth regard and full of Wine Think'st thou art Great in Parts something Divine Had'st thou thy due thou shou'd be rank'd with Swine 90. EPIGRAM On an Old Dotard I 'M fourscore Years more yet I wou'd wed Tho' past the Duties of the Marr'age-Bed And sham'st thou not such Thoughts to entertain Which thy Religion Honour Age do stain Ha'st thou no Moral Strength if not Divine That thus below a Man thou do'st decline Let no false Principle thy Heart abuse Marr'age it self will not thy Lust excuse It was ordain'd this raging Sin to tame Not to foment and keep alive its Flame 91. EPIGRAM On a drunken Quack BVtler Great Butler thou do'st often say I make my Rule his Method and his Way He a Good-Fellow was and lov'd good Wine Nor to Morosness will I e'er incline Thus Idle-hours that is thy Life thou spend'st The Day in Drink begin'st and in Drink end'st Soak'st it like Butler not like him do'st read A Bottle mak'st all Books to supersede A Great Drunkard thou may'st arrive