my Readers who peruse this Book Be not offended whil'st on it you look Denude your selves of all deprav'd affection For it containes no badnesse nor infection 'T is true that it brings forth to you no birth Of any value but in point of mirth Thinking therefore how sorrow might your minde Consume I could no apter subject finde One inch of joy surmounts of grief a span Because to laugh is proper to the man CHAP. I. Of the Genealogy and Antiquity of GAR GANTUA I Must referre you to the great Chronicle of Pantagruel for the knowledge of that Genealogy and Antiquity of race by which Gargantua is come unto us in it you may understand more at large how the Giants were born in this world and how from them by a direct line issued Gargantua the father of Pantagruel and do not take it ill if for this time I passe by it although the subject be such that the oftener it were remembered the more it would please your worshipfull Seniorias according to which you have the authority of Plato in Philebo and Gorgias and of Flaccus who saies that there are some kindes of purposes such as these are without doubt which the frequentlier they be repeated still prove the more delectable Would to God every one had as certaine knowledge of his Genealogy since the time of the Arke of Noah untill this age I think many are at this day Emperours Kings Dukes Princes and Popes on the earth whose extraction is from some porters and pardon-pedlars as on the contrary many are now poor wandring beggars wretched and miserable who are descended of the blood and lineage of great Kings and Emperours occasioned as I conceive it by the transport and revolution of Kingdomes and Empires from the Assyrians to the Medes from the Medes to the Persians from the Persians to the Macedonians from the Macedonians to the Romans from the Romans to the Greeks from the Greeks to the French c. And to give you some hint concerning my self who speaks unto you I cannot think but I am come of the race of some rich King or Prince in former times for never yet saw you any man that had a greater desire to be a King and to be rich then I have and that onely that I may make good chear do nothing nor care forany thing and plentifully enrich my friends and all honest and learned men but herein do I comfort my self that in the other world I shall be so yea and greater too then at this present I dare wish as for you with the same or a better conceit consolate your selves in your distresses and drink fresh if you can come by it To returne to our weathers I say that by the sovereign gift of heaven the Antiquity and Genealogy of Gargantua hath been reserved for our use more full and perfect then any other except that of the Messias whereof I mean not to speak for it belongs not unto my purpose and the Devils that is to say the false accusers and dissembled gospellers will therein oppose me This Genealogy was found by John Andrew in a meadow which he had near the Pole-arch under the Olive-tree as you go to Marsay where as he was making cast up some ditches the diggers with their mattocks struck against a great brazen tomb and unmeasurably long for they could never finde the end thereof by reason that it entered too farre within the Sluces of Vienne opening this Tomb in a certain place thereof sealed on the top with the mark of a goblet about which was written in Hetrurian letters HIC BIBITUR They found nine Flaggons set in such order as they use to ranke their kyles in Gasconie of which that which was placed in the middle had under it a big fat great gray pretty small mouldy little pamphlet smelling stronger but no better then Roses In that book the said Genealogy was found written all at length in a Chancery hand not in paper not in parchment nor in wax but in the bark of an elme-tree yet so worne with the long tract of time that hardly could three letters together be there perfectly discerned I though unworthy was sent for thither and with much help of those Spectacles whereby the art of reading dim writings and letters that do not clearly appear to the sight is practised as Aristotle teacheth it did translate the book as you may see in your pantagruelising that is to say in drinking stifly to your own hearts desire and reading the dreadful and horrifick acts of Pantagruel at the end of the book there was a little Treatise entituled the Antidoted Fanfreluches or a Galimatia of extravagant conceits The rats and mothes or that I may not lie other wicked beasts had nibled off the beginning the rest I have hereto subjoyned for the reverence I beare to antiquity THE Antidoted Fanfreluches Or A Galimatia of extravagant conceits found in an ancient Monument No sooner did the Cymbrians overcommer Pass through the air to shun the dew of summer But at his coming streight great tubs were fill'd With pure fresh Butter down in showers distill'd Wherewith when water'd was his Grandam heigh A loud he cryed Fish it Sir I pray ye Because his beard is almost all beray'd Or that he would hold to 'm a scale he pray'd To lick his slipper some told was much better Then to gaine pardons and the merit greater In th' interim a crafty chuff approaches From the depth issued where they fish for Roches Who said Good sirs some of them let us save The Eele is here and in this hollow cave You 'll finde if that our looks on it demurre A great wast in the bottome of his furre To read this Chapter when he did begin Nothingbut a calves hornes were found therein I feel quoth he the Miter which doth hold My head so chill it makes my braines take cold Being with the perfume of a Turnup warm'd To stay by chimney hearths himself he arm'd Provided that a new thill horse they made Of every person of a hair-braind head They talked of the bunghole of Saint Knowles Of Gilbathar and thousand other holes If they might be reduc'd t' a scarry stuffe Such as might not be subject to the cough Since ev'ry man unseemly did it finde To see them gaping thus at ev'ry winde For if perhaps they handsomely were clos'd For pledges they to men might be expos'd In this arrest by Hercules the Raven Was flayd at her returne from Lybia haven Why am not I said Minos there invited Unlesse it be my self not one 's omitted And then it is their minde I do no more Of Frogs and Oysters send them any store In case they spare my life and prove but civil I give their sale of distaffs to the Devil To quell him comes Q. R. who limping frets At the safe passe of trixie Crackarets The boulter the grand Cyclops cousin those Did massacre whil'st each one wip'd his nose Few ingles in this
did lack but so much more which when they saw that attended him they bound him with great cable-ropes like those that are made at Tain for the carriage of salt to Lyons or such as those are whereby the great French ship rides at Anchor in the Road of Newhaven in Normandie But on a certain time a great Beare which his father had bred got loose came towards him began to lick his face for his Nurses had not throughly wiped his chaps at which unexpected approach being on a sudden offended he as lightly rid himself of those great cables as Samson did of the haulser ropes wherewith the Philistines had tied him and by your leave takes me up my Lord the Beare and teares him to you in pieces like a pullet which served him for a gorge-ful or good warme bit for that meale Whereupon Gargantua fearing lest the childe should hurt himself caused foure great chaines of iron to be made to binde him and so many strong wooden arches unto his Cradle most firmely stocked and mortaised in huge frames of those chaines you have one at Rochel which they draw up at night betwixt the two great towers of the Haven Another is at Lyons A third at Angiers And the fourth was carried away by the devils to binde Lucifer who broke his chaines in those dayes by reason of a cholick that did extraordinarily torment him taken with eating a Serjeants soule fried for his breakfast and therfore you may beleeve that which Nicolas de Lyra saith upon that place of the Psalter where it is written Et Og regem Basan that the said Og being yet little was so strong and robustious that they were faine to binde him with chaines of iron in his Cradle thus continued Pantagruel for a while very calme and quiet for he was not able so easily to break those chaines especially having no room in the Cradle to give a swing with his armes But see what happened once upon a great Holiday that his father Gargantua made a sumptuous banquet to all the Princes of his Court I am apt to beleeve that the menial officers of the house were so imbusied in waiting each on his proper service at the feast that no body took care of poor Pantagruel who was left a reculorum behinde-hand all alone and as forsaken What did he Heark what he did good people he strove and essayed to break the chaines of the Cradle with his armes but coold not for they were too strong for him then did he keep with his feet such a stamping stirre and so long that at last he beat out the lower end of his Cradle which notwithstanding was made of a great post five foot in square and assoon as he had gotten out his feer he slid down as well as he could till he had got his soales to the ground and then with a mighty force he rose up carrying his Cradle upon his back bound to him like a Tortoise that crawles up against a wall and to have seen him you would have thought it had been a great Carrick of five hundred tunne upon one end In this manner he entred into the great Hall where they were banquetting and that very boldly which did much affright the companie yet because his armes were tied in he could not reach any thing to eate but with great pain stooped now and then a little to take with the whole flat of his tongue some lick good bit or morsel Which when his father saw he knew well enough that they had left him without giving him any thing to eate and therefore commanded that he should be loosed from the said chains by the counsel of the Princes and Lords there present besides that also the Physicians of Gargantua said that if they did thus keep him in the Cradle he would be all his life-time subject to the stone When he was unchained they made him to sit down where after he had fed very well he took his Cradle and broke it into more then five hundred thousand pieces with one blow of his fist that he struck in the midst of it swearing that he would never come into it again CHAP. V. Of the Acts of the noble Pantagruel in his youthful age THus grew Pantagruel from day to day and to every ones eye waxed more and more in all his dimensions which made hrs father to rejoyce by a natural affection therefore caused he to be made for him whilest he was yet little a pretty Crossebowe wherewith to shoot at small birds which now they call the great Crossebowe at Chantelle Then he sent him to the school to learn and to spend his youth in vertue in the prosecution of which designe he came first to Poictiers where as he studied and profited very much he saw that the Scholars were oftentimes at leisure and knew not how to bestow their time which moved him to take such compassion on them that one day he took from a long ledge of rocks called there Passelourdin a huge great stone of about twelve fathom square and fourteen handfuls thick and with great ease set it upon foure pillars in the midst of a field to no other end but that the said Scholars when they had nothing else to do might passe their time in getting up on that stone and feast it with store of gammons pasties and flaggons and carve their names upon it with a knife in token of which deed till this houre the stone is called the lifted stone and in remembrance hereof there is none entered into the Register and matricular Book of the said University or accounted capable of taking any degree therein till he have first drunk in the Caballine fountain of Croustelles passed at Passelourdin and got up upon the lifted stone Afterwards reading the delectable Chronicles of his Ancestors he found that Jafrey of Lusinian called Jafrey with the great tooth Grandfather to the Cousin in law of the eldest Sister of the Aunt of the Son in law of the Uncle of the good daughter of his Stepmother was interred at Maillezais therefore one day he took campos which is a little vacation from study to play a while that he might give him a visit as unto an honest man and going from Poictiers with some of his companions they passed by the Guge visiting the noble Abbot Ardillon then by Lusinian by Sansay by Celles by Coalonges by Fontenay the Conte saluting the learned Tiraqueau and from thence arrived at Maillezais where he went to see the Sepulchre of the said Jafrey with the great tooth which made him somewhat afraid looking upon the picture whose lively draughts did set him forth in the representation of a man in an extreme fury drawing his great Malchus faulchion half way out of his scabbard when the reason hereof was demanded the Chanons of the said place told him that there was no other cause of it but that Pictoribus atque Poetis c. that is to say that Painters and
Gargantua unto a better course the said Physician purged him canonically with Anticyrian ellebore by which medicine he cleansed all the alteration and perverse habitude of his braine By this meanes also Ponocrates made him forget all that he had learned under his ancient Praeceptors as Timothie did to his disciples who had been instructed under other Musicians To do this the better they brought him into the company of learned men which were there in whose imitation he had a great desire and affection to study otherwayes and to improve his parts Afterwards he put himself into such a road and way of studying that he lost not any one houre in the day but employed all his time in learning and honest knowledge Gargantua awaked them about foure a clock in the morning whilest they were in rubbing of him there was read unto him some chapter of the holy Scripture aloud and clearly with a pronunciation fit for the matter and hereunto was appointed a young page borne in Basche named Anagnostes according to the purpose and argument of that lesson he oftentimes gave himself to worship adore pray and send up his supplications to that good God whose Word did shew his majesty and marvellous judgement Then went he unto the secret places to make excretion of his natural digestions there his Master repeated what had been read expounding unto him the most obscure and difficult points in returning they considered the face of the sky if it was such as they had observed it the night before and into what signes the Sun was entering as also the Moon for that day This done he was apparelled combed curled trimmed and perfumed during which time they repeated to him the lessons of the day before he himself said them by heart and upon them would ground some practical cases concerning the estate of man which he would prosecute sometimes two or three houres but ordinarily they ceased assoon as he was fully clothed Then for three good houres he had a lecture read unto him This done they went forth still conferring of the substance of the lecture either unto a field near the University called the Brack or unto the medowes where they played at the ball the long-tennis and at the Piletrigone which is a play wherein we throw a triangular piece of iron at a ring to passe it most gallantly exercising their bodies as formerly they had done their mindes All their play was but in liberty for they left off when they pleased and that was commonly when they did sweat over all their body or were otherwayes weary Then were they very well wiped and rubbed shifted their shirts and walking soberly went to see if dinner were ready Whilest they stayed for that they did clearly and eloquently pronounce some sentences that they had retained of the lecture in the mean time Master Appetite came and then very orderly sate they down at table at the beginning of the meale there was read some pleasant history of the warlike actions of former times until he had taken a glasse of wine Then if they thought good they continued reading or began to discourse merrily together speaking first of the vertue propriety efficacy and nature of all that was served in at the table of bread of wine of water of salt of fleshes fishes fruits herbs roots and of their dressing by meanes whereof he learned in a little time all the passages competent for this that were to be found in Plinie Athenaeus Dioscorides Julius Pollux Galen Porphirie Oppian Polybius Heliodore Aristotle Elian and others Whilest they talked of these things many times to be the more certain they caused the very books to be brought to the table and so well and perfectly did he in his memory retain the things abovesaid that in that time there was not a Physician that knew half so much as he did Afterwards they conferred of the lessons read in the morning and ending their repast with some conserve or marmelade of quinces he pick't his teeth with mastick tooth-pickers wash't his hands and eyes with faire fresh water and gave thanks unto God in some fine Canticks made in praise of the divine bounty and munificence This done they brought in cards not to play but to learn a thousand pretty tricks and new inventions which were all grounded upon Arithmetick by this meanes he fell in love with that numerical science and every day after dinner and supper he past his time in it as pleasantly as he was wont to do at cardes and dice so that at last he understood so well both the Theory and Practical part thereof that Tunstal the Englishman who had written very largely of that purpose confessed that verily in comparison of him he had no skill at all And not only in that but in the other Mathematical Sciences as Geometrie Astronomie Musick c. for in waiting on the concoction and attending the digestion of his food they made a thousand pretty instruments and Geometrical figures did in some measure practise the Astronomical canons After this they recreated themselves with singing musically in foure or five parts or upon a set theme or ground at random as it best pleased them in matter of musical instruments he learned to play upon the Lute the Virginals the Harp the Allman Flute with nine holes the Viol and the Sackbut This houre thus spent and digestion finished he did purge his body of natural excrements then betook himself to his principal study for three houres together or more as well to repeat his matutinal lectures as to proceed in the book wherein he was as also to write handsomly to draw and forme the Antick and Romane letters This being done they went out of their house and with them a young Gentleman of Touraine named the Esquire Gymnast who taught him the Art of riding changing then his clothes he rode a Naples courser a Dutch roussin a Spanish gennet a barded or trapped steed then a light fleet horse unto whom he gave a hundred carieres made him go the high saults bounding in the aire free the ditch with a skip leap over a stile or pale turne short in a ring both to the right and left hand There he broke not his lance for it is the greatest foolery in the world to say I have broken ten lances at tilt or in fight a Carpenter can do even as much but it is a glorious and praise-worthy action with one lance to break and overthrow ten enemies therefore with a sharp stiffe strong and well-steeled lance would he usually force up a door pierce a harnesse beat down a tree carry away the ring lift up a cuirasier saddle with the male-coat and gantlet all this he did in compleat armes from head to foot As for the prancing flourishes and smacking popismes for the better cherishing of the horse commonly used in riding none did them better then he The cavallerize of Ferrara was but as an Ape compared to him He was singularly skilful in
little Organs or Virginals when they are played upon and that they foamed from their very throats like a boare which the Mongrel Mastiffe-hounds have driven in and overthrown amongst the foyles what did they then All their consolation was to have some page of the said roll-Roll-book read unto them and we have seen those who have given themselves to a hundred punchions of old devils in case that they did not feele a manifest ease and asswagement of paine at he hearing of the said book read even when they were kept in a purgatory of torment no more nor lesse then women in travel use to sinde their sorrow abated when the life of St. Margarite is read unto them is this nothing finde me a book in any language in any faculty or science whatsoever that hath such vertues properties and prerogatives and I will be content to pay you a quart of tripes No my Masters no it is peerlesse incomparable and not to be matched and this am I resolved for ever to maintaine even unto the fire exclusive And those that will pertinaciously hold the contrary opinion let them be accounted Abusers Predestinators Impostors and Seducers of the People it is very true that there are found in some gallant and stately books worthy of high estimation certain occult and hid properties in the number of which are reckoned Whippot Orlando furio so Robert the devil Fierabras William without feare Huon of Bourdeaux Monteville and Matabrune but they are not comparable to that which we speak of and the world hath well known by infallible experience the great emolument and utility which it hath received by this Gargantuine Chronicle for the Printers have sold more of them in two moneths time then there will be bought of Bibles in nine yeares I therefore your humble slave being very willing to increase your solace and recreation yet a little more do offer you for a Present another book of the same stamp only that it is a little more reasonable and worthy of credit then the other was for think not unlesse you wilfully will erre against your knowledge that I speak of it as the Jewes do of the Law I was not born under such a Planet neither did it ever befall me to lie or affirme a thing for true that was not I speak of it like a lustie frolick Onocrotarie I should say Crotenotarie of the martyrised Lovers and Croquenotarie of love Cuod vidimus testamur It is of the horrible and dreadful feats and prowesses of Pantagruel whose menial servant I have been ever since I was a page till this houre that by his leave I am permitted to visit my Cow-countrey and to know if any of my Kindred there be alive And therefore to make an end of this Prologue even as I give my selfe to an hundred Panniers-full of faire devils body and soule tripes and guts in case that I lie so much as one single word in this whole History After the like manner St. Anthonies fire burne you Mahooms disease whirle you the squinance with a stitch in your side and the Wolfe in your stomack trusse you the bloody flux seize upon you the curst sharp inflammations of wilde fire as slender and thin as Cowes haire strengthened with quick silver enter into your fundament and like those of Sodom and Gomorrha may you fall into sulphur fire and bottomlesse pits in case you do not firmly beleeve all that I shall relate unto you in this present Chronicle The Second Book of RABELAIS Treating of the Heroick Deeds and Sayings of the good PANTAGRUEL CHAP. I. Of the Original and Antiquity of the great Pantagruel IT will not be an idle nor unprofitable thing seeing we are at leasure to put you in minde of the Fountain and Original Source whence is derived unto us the good Pantagruel for I see that all good Historiographers have thus handled their Chronicle not only the Arabians Barbarians and Latines but also the gentle Greeks who were eternal drinkers You must therefore remark that at the beginning of the world I speak of a long time it is above fourty quarantaines or fourty times fourty nights according to the supputation of the ancient Druids a little after that Abel was killed by his brother Cain the earth imbrued with the blood of the just was one year so exceeding fertil in all those fruits which it usually produceth to us and especially in Medlars that ever since throughout all ages it hath been called the yeare of the great medlars for three of them cid fill a bushel in it the Calends were found by the Grecian Almanacks there was that yeare nothing of the moneth of March in the time of Lent and the middle of August was in May in the moneth of October as I take it or at least September that I may not erre for I will carefully take heed of that was the week so famous in the Annals which they call the week of the three Thursdayes for it had three of them by meanes of their regular Leap-yeares called Bissextils occasioned by the Sunnes having tripped and stumbled a little towards the left hand like a debtor afraid of Serjeants coming right upon him to arrest him and the Moon varied from her course above five fathom and there was manifestly seen the motion of trepidation in the firmament of the fixed starres called Aplanes so that the middle Pleiade leaving her fellowes declined towards the Equinoctial and the starre named Spica left the constellation of the Virgin to withdraw her self towards the balance known by the name of Libra which are cases very terrible and matters so hard and difficult that Astrologians cannot set their teeth in them and indeed their teeth had been pretty long if they could have reached thither However account you it for a truth that every body then did most heartily eat of those medlars for they were faire to the eye and in taste delicious but even as Noah that holy man to whom we are so much beholding bound and obliged for that he planted to us the Vine from whence we have that nectarian delicious precious heavenly joyful and deifick liquour which they call the piot or tiplage was deceived in the drinking of it for he was ignorant of the great vertue and power thereof so likewise the men and women of that time did delight much in the eating of that faire great fruit but divers and very different accidents did ensue thereupon for there fell upon them all in their bodies a most terrible swelling but not upon all in the same place for some were swollen in the belly and their belly strouted out big like a great tun of whom it is written ventrem omnipotentem who were all very honest men and merry blades and of this race came St. Fatgulch and Shrovetuesday Others did swell at the shoulders who in that place were so crump and knobbie that they were therefore called Montifers which is as much to say
where Heraclitus sayes the truth lies hidden and I do highly commend the manner of arguing which thou hast proposed to wit by signes without speaking for by this means thou and I shall understand one another well enough and yet shall be free from this clapping of hands which these blockish Sophisters make when any of the Arguers hath gotten the better of the Argument Now to morrow I will not faile to meet thee at the place and houre that thou hast appointed but let me intreat thee that there be not any strife or uproare between us and that we seek not the honour and applause of men but the truth only to which Thaumast answered The Lord God maintain you in his favour and grace and instead of my thankfulnesse to you poure down his blessings upon you for that your Highnesse and magnificent greatnesse hath not disdained to descend to the grant of the request of my poor basenesse so farewel till to morrow Farewel said Pantagruel Gentlemen you that read this present discourse think not that ever men were more elevated and transported in their thoughts then all this night were both Thaumast and Pantagruel for the said Thaumast said to the Keeper of the house of Cluny where he was lodged that in all his life he had never known himself so dry as he was that night I think said he that Pantagruel held me by the throat Give order I pray you that we may have some drink and see that some fresh water be brought to us to gargle my palat on the other side Pantagruel stretched his wits as high as he could entring into very deep and serious meditations and did nothing all that night but dote upon and turn over the book of Beda de numeris signis Plotius book de inenarrabilibus the book of Proclus de magia the book of Artemidorus 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of Anaxagaras 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Dinatius 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the books of Philistion Hipponax 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and a rabble of others so long that Panurge said unto him My Lord leave all these thoughts and go to bed for I perceive your spirits to be so troubled by a too intensive bending of them that you may easily fall into some Quotidian Fever with this so excessive thinking and plodding but having first drunk five and twenty or thirty good draughts retire your self and sleep your fill for in the morning I will argue against and answer my Master the Englishman and if I drive him not ad metam non loqui then call me Knave Yea but said he my friend Panurge he is marvellously learned how wilt thou be able to answer him Very well answered Panurge I pray you talk no more of it but let me alone is any man so learned as the devils are No indeed said Pantagruel without Gods especial grace Yet for all rhat said Panurge I have argued against them gravelled and blanked them in disputation and laid rhem so squat upon their tailes that I have made them look like Monkies therefore be assured that to morrow I will make this vain-glorious Englishman to skite vineger before all the world So Panurge spent the night with tipling amongst the Pages and played away all the points of his breeches at primus secundus and at peck point in French called Lavergette Yet when the condescended on time was come he failed not to conduct his Master Pantagruel to the appointed place unto which beleeve me there was neither great nor small in Paris but came thinking with themselves that this devillish Pantagruel who had overthrown and vanquished in dispute all these doting fresh-water Sophisters would now get full payment and be tickled to some purpose for this Englishman is a terrible bustler and horrible coyle-keeper we will see who will be Conquerour for he never met with his match before Thus all being assembled Thaumast stayed for them and then when Pantagruel and Panurge came into the Hall all the School-boyes Professors of Arts Senior-Sophisters and Batchelors began to clap their hands as their scurvie custome is But Pantagruel cried out with a loud voice as if it had been the sound of a double canon saying Peace with a devil to you peace by G you rogues if you trouble me here I will cut off the heads of every one of you at which words they remained all daunted and astonished like so many ducks and durst not do so much as cough although they had swallowed fifteen pounds of feathers withal they grew so dry with this only voice that they laid out their tongues a full half foot beyond their mouthes as if Pantagruel had salted all their throats Then began Panurge to speak saying to the Englishman Sir are you come hither to dispute contentiously in those Propositions you have set down or otherwayes but to learn and know the truth To which answered Thaumast Sir no other thing brought me hither but the great desire I had to learn and to know that of which I have doubted all my life long and have neither found book nor man able to content me in the resolution of those doubts which I have proposed and as for disputing contentiously I will not do it for it is too base a thing and therefore leave it to those sottish Sophisters who in their disputes do not search for the truth but for contradiction only and debate Then said Panurge if I who am but a mean and inconsiderable disciple of my Master my Lord Pantagruel content and satisfie you in all and every thing it were a thing below my said Master wherewith to trouble him therefore is it fitter that he be Chair-man and sit as a Judge and Moderator of our discourse and purpose and give you satisfaction in many things wherein perhaps I shall be wanting to your expectation Truly said Thaumast it is very well said begin then Now you must note that Panurge had set at the end of his long Codpiece a pretty tuft of red silk as also of white green and blew and within it had put a faire orange CHAP. XIX How Panurge put to a non-plus the Englishman that argued by signes EVery body then taking heed and hearkening with great silence the Englishman lift up on high into the aire his two hands severally clunching in all the tops of his fingers together after the manner which alachinonnese they call the hens arse and struck the one hand on the other by the nailes foure several times then he opening them struck the one with the flat of the other till it yielded a clashing noise and that only once again in joyning them as before he struck twice and afterwards foure times in opening them then did he lay them joyned and extended the one towards the other as if he had been devoutly to send up his prayers unto God Panarge suddenly lifted up in the aire his right hand and put the thumb thereof into the nostril of the same side holding his foure
I prethie go on in this torcheculaife orw ipe-bummatory discourse and by my beard I swear for one puncheon thou shalt have threescore pipes I mean of the good Breton wine not that which growes in Britain but in the good countrey of Verron Afterwards I wiped my bum said Gargantua with a kerchief with a pillow with a pantoufle with a pouch with a pannier but that was a wicked and unpleasant torchecul then with a hat of hats note that some are shorne and others shaggie some velveted others covered with taffitie's and others with sattin the best of all these is the shaggie hat for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter Afterwards I wiped my taile with a hen with a cock with a pullet with a calves skin with a hare with a pigeon with a cormorant with an Atturneyes bag with a montero with a coife with a faulconers lure but to conclude I say and maintain that of all torcheculs arsewisps bumfodders tail-napkins bunghole-cleansers and wipe-breeches there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose that is well douned if you hold her head betwixt your legs and beleeve me therein upon mine honour for you will thereby feele in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure both in regard of the softnesse of the said doune and of the temperate heat of the goose which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards insofarre as to come even to the regions of the heart and braines and think not that the felicity of the heroes and demigods in the Elysian fields consisteth either in their Asphodele Ambrosia or Nectar as our old women here use to say but in this according to my judgement that they wipe their tailes with the neck of a goose holding her head betwixt their legs and such is the opinion of Master John of Scotland aliàs Scotus CHAP. XIV How Gargantua was taught Latine by a Sophister THe good man Grangousier having heard this discourse was ravished with admiration considering the high reach and marvellous understanding of his sonne Gargantua and said to his governesses Philip King of Macedon knew the great wit of his sonne Alexander by his skilful managing of a horse for his horse Bucephalus was so fierce and unruly that none durst adventure to ride him after that he had given to his Riders such devillish falls breaking the neck of this man the other mans leg braining one and putting another out of his jaw-bone This by Alexander being considered one day in the hippodrome which was a place appointed for the breaking and managing of great horses he perceived that the fury of the horse proceeded meerly from the feare he had of his own shadow whereupon getting on his back he run him against the Sun so that the shadow fell behinde and by that meanes tamed the horse and brought him to his hand whereby his father knowing the divine judgement that was in him caused him most carefully to be instructed by Aristotle who at that time was highly renowned above all the Philosophers of Greece after the same manner I tell you that by this only discourse which now I have here had before you with my sonne Gargantua I know that his understanding doth participate of some divinity and that if he be well taught and have that education which is fitting he will attain to a supreme degree of wisdome Therefore will I commit him to some learned man to have him indoctrinated according to his capacity and will spare no cost Presently they appointed him a great Sophister-Doctor called Master Tubal Holophernes who taught him his A B C so well that he could say it by heart backwards and about this he was five yeares and three moneths Then read he to him Donat facet theodolet and Alanus in parabolis About this he was thirteen years six moneths and two weeks but you must remark that in the mean time he did learn to write in Gottish characters and that he wrote all his books for the Art of printing was not then in use and did ordinarily carry a great pen and inkhorne weighing above seven thousand quintals that is 700000 pound weight the penner whereof was as big and as long as the great pillar of Enay and the horne was hanged to it in great iron chaines it being of the widenesse of a tun of merchand ware After that he read unto him the book de modis significandi with the Commentaries of Hurtbise of Fasquin of Tropifeu of Gualhaut of Jhon Calf of Billonio of Berlinguandus and a rabble of others and herein he spent more then eighteen yeares and eleven monethes and was so well versed in it that to try masteries in School disputes with his condisciples he would recite it by heart backwards and did sometimes prove on his fingers ends to his mother quod de modis significandi non erat scientia Then did he reade to him the compost for knowing the age of the Moon the seasons of the year and tides of the sea on which he spent sixteen yeares and two moneths and that justly at the time that his said Praeceptor died of the French Pox which was in the yeare one thousand foure hundred and twenty Afterwards he got an old coughing fellow to teach him named Master Jobelin Bride or muzled doult who read unto him Hugotio Flebard Grecisme the doctrinal the parts the quid est the supplementum Marmoretus de moribus in mensa servandis Seneca de quatuor virtutibus cardinalibus Passavantus cum commentar and dormi securè for the holy days and some other of such like mealie stuffe by reading whereof he became as wise as any we ever since baked in an Oven CHAP. XV. How Gargantua was put under other School-masters AT the last his father perceived that indeed he studied hard and that although he spent all his time in it did neverthelesse profit nothing but which is worse grew thereby foolish simple doted and blockish whereof making a heavie regret to Don Philip of Marays Viceroy or deputie-King of Papeligosse he found that it were better for him to learne nothing at all then to be taught such like books under such School-masters because their knowledge was nothing but brutishnesse and their wisdome but blunt foppish toyes serving only to bastardize good and noble spirits and to corrupt all the flower of youth That it is so take said he any young boy of this time who hath only studied two yeares if he have not a better judgement a better discourse and that expressed in better termes then your sonne with a compleater carriage and civility to all manner of persons account me for ever hereafter a very clounch and baconslicer of Brene This pleased Grangousier very well and he commanded that it should be done At night at supper the said Des Marays brought in a young page of his of Ville-gouges called Eudemon so neat so trim so handsom in his apparel so spruce with his
first book of this Translation being written Originally in the French Tongue as it comprehendeth some of its bruskest dialects with so much ingeniositie and wit that more impressions have been sold thereof in that language then of any other book that hath been set forth at any time within these fifteen hundred yeares so difficult neverthelesse to be turned into any other speech that many prime spirits in most of the Nations of Europe since the yeare 1573. which was fourescore yeares ago after having attempted it were constrained with no small regret to give it over as a thing impossible to be done is now in its Translation thus farre advanced and the remainder faithfully undertaken with the same hand to be rendered into English by a Person of quality who though his lands be sequestred his house garrisoned his other goods sold and himself detained a Prisoner of warre at London for his having been at Worcester fight hath at the most earnest intreaty of some of his especial friends well acquainted with his inclination to the performance of conducible singularities promised besides his version of these two already published very speedily to offer up unto this Isle of Britaine the virginity of the Translation of the other three most admirable books of the aforesaid Author provided that by the plurality of judicious and understanding men it be not declared he hath already proceeded too farre or that the continuation of the rigour whereby he is dispossest of all his both real and personal estate by pressing too hard upon him be not an impediment thereto and to other more eminent undertakings of his as hath beene oftentimes very fully mentioned by the said Translatour in several original Treatises of his own penning lately by him so numerousty dispersed that there is scarce any who being skilful in the English Idiome ar curious of any new ingenious invention hath not either read them or heard of them The ERRATAES of the First Book Upon the margin of the first eight verses IXLXGPX PAge 13. line 11. for pray read pray'y p. 26. marg for fermele r. fermee p. 36. l. 22. for monocorsing r. monocordising p. 37. l. 19. for Seamsters r. Seamstresses p. 46. l. 16. for borne r. carried p. 15. l. 25. for arswersie r. arsiversie p. 79. l. 18. for hoparymated r. hopurymated p. 90. l. 29. for pursley r. parsley p. 92. l. 5. for kiriele r. kiriels p. 107. l. 28. for sore r. fore p. 113. l. 21. for charantou r. charanton p. 123. l. 5. for Suedevede r. gue de vede p. 123. l. 16. for stussed r. stuffed p. 127. l. 5. for blade r. blades p. 149. l. 24. for entrance r. entrance there p. 157. l. 19. for marousle r. marousle p. 159. l. 7. for feet r. foot p. 161. l. 25. for in ran him r. ran him in p. 176 l. 9. for elder tree r. alder-tree p. 177. l. 21. for mae vi r. mavie p. 184. l. 22. for ough r. cough p. 186. l. 19. for sable r. shable p. 192. l. 8. for five r. six p. 196. l. 18. for vertebrae r. verteber p. 200. l. 15. for five r. six p. 201. l. 2. for argy and r. Argy this of St. Nazarand p. 224. l. 16. for gnaw r. grow p. 242. l. 9. for sparrow-hawks r. sparhawks p. 251. l. 20. for they r they 'l p. 253. l. 15. for lest r. lost The EKRATA of the Second Book PAge 4. of the Prologue line 17. for roll-book r. jollie book p. 2. l. 19. for their regular r. the irregular p. 18. l. 3. for be the r. be they p. 26. l. 31. for bury r. burne p. 49. l. 14. for bumsquicbracker r. bumsquibcraker p. 77. l. 27. for thirst r. thrust p. 80. l. 22. for patains r. patins Mr. HUGH SALEL TO Rabelais IF profit mix'd with pleasure may suffice T' extoll an Authors worth above the skies Thou certainly for both must praised be I know it for thy judgement hath in the Contexture of this book set down such high Contentments mingled with utility That as I think I see Democritus Laughing at men as things ridiculous Insist in thy designe for though we prove Ungrate on earth thy merit is above THE AUTHORS Prologue MOst Illustrious and thrice valourous Champions Gentlemen and others who willingly apply your mindes to the entertainment of pretty conceits and honest harmlesse knacks of wit You have not long ago seen read and understood the great and inestimable Chronicle of the huge and mighty Gyant Gargantua and like upright Faithfullists have firmly beleeved all to be true that is contained in them and have very often past your time with them amongst Honourable Ladies and Gentlewomen telling them faire long stories when you were out of all other talk for which you are worthy of great praise and sempiternal memory and I do heartily wish that every man would lay aside his own businesse meddle no more with his Profession nor Trade and throw all affaires concerning himself behinde his back to attend this wholly without distracting or troubling his minde with any thing else until he have learned them without book that if by chance the Art of printing should cease or in case that in time to come all books should perish every man might truly teach them unto his children and deliver them over to his successors and survivors from hand to hand as a religious Cabal for there is in it more profit then a rabble of great pockie Loggerheads are able to discern who surely understand far lesse in these little merriments then the foole Raclet did in the institutions of Justinian I have known great and mighty Lords and of those not a few who going a Deer-hunting or a hawking after wilde Ducks when the chase had not encountred with the blinks that were cast in her way to retard her course or that the Hawk did but plaine and smoothly fly without moving her wings perceiving the prey by force of flight to have gained bounds of her have been much chafed and vexed as you understand well enough but the comfort unto which they had refuge and that they might not take cold was to relate the inestimable deeds of the said Gargantua There are others in the world These are no flimflam stories nor tales of a tub who being much troubled with the tooth-ache after they had spent their goods upon Physicians without receiving at all any ease of their pain have found no more ready remedy then to put the said Chronicles betwixt two pieces of linnen cloth made somewhat hot and so apply them to the place that smarteth synapising them with a little powder of projection otherwayes called doribus But what shall I say of those poor men that are plagued with the Pox and the Gowt O how often have we seen them even immediately after they were anointed and throughly greased till their faces did glister like the Key-hole of a powdering tub their teeth dance like the jacks of a paire of
Poets have liberty to paint and devise what they list after their own fancie but he was not satisfied with their answer and said He is not thus painted without a cause and I suspect that at his death there was some wrong done him whereof he requireth his Kinred to take revenge I will enquire further into it and then do what shall be reasonable then he returned not to Poictiers but would take a view of the other Universities of France therefore going to Rochel he took shipping and arrived at Bourdeaux where he found no great exercise only now and then he would see some Marriners and Lightermen a wrestling on the key or strand by the river-side From thence he came to Tholouse where he learned to dance very well and to play with the two-handed sword as the fashion of the Scholars of the said University is to bestir themselves in games whereof they may have their hands full but he stayed not long there when he saw that they did cause bury their Regents alive like red herring saying Now God forbid that I should die this death for I am by nature sufficiently dry already without heating my self any further He went then to Monpellier where he met with the good wives of Mirevaux and good jovial company withal and thought to have set himself to the study of Physick but he considered that that calling was too troublesome and melancholick and that Physicians did smell of glisters like old devils Therefore he resolved he would studie the lawes but seeing that there were but three scauld and one bald-pated Legist in that place he departed from thence and in his way made the Bridge of Gard and the Amphitheater of Neems in lesse then three houres which neverthelesse seems to be a more divine then humane work After that he came to Avignon where he was not above three dayes before he fell in love for the women there take great delight in playing at the close buttock-game because it is Papal ground which his Tutor and Pedagogue Epistemon perceiving he drew him out of that place and brought him to Valence in the Dauphinee where he saw no great matter of recreation only that the Lubbards of the Town did beat the Scholars which so incensed him with anger that when upon a certain very faire Sunday the people being at their publick dancing in the streets and one of the Scholars offering to put himself into the ring to partake of that sport the foresaid lubbardly fellowes would not permit him the admittance into their society He taking the Scholars part so belaboured them with blowes and laid such load upon them that he drove them all before him even to the brink of the river Rhosne and would have there drowned them but that they did squat to the ground and there lay close a full halfe league under the river The hole is to be seen there yet After that he departed from thence and in three strides and one leap came to Angiers where he found himself very well and would have continued there some space but that the plague drove them away So from thence he came to Bourges where he studied a good long time and profited very much in the faculty of the Lawes and would sometimes say that the books of the Civil Law were like unto a wonderfully precious royal and triumphant robe of cloth of gold edged with dirt for in the world are no goodlier books to be seen more ornate nor more eloquent then the texts of the Pandects but the bordering of them that is to say the glosse of Accursius is so scurvie vile base and unsavourie that it is nothing but filthinesse and villany Going from Bourges he came to Orleans where he found store of swaggering Scholars that made him great entertainment at his coming and with whom he learned to play at tennis so well that he was a Master at that game for the Students of the said place make a prime exercise of it and sometimes they carried him unto Cupids houses of commerce in that City termed Islands because of rheir being most ordinarily environed with other houses and not contiguous to any there to recreate his person at the sport of Poussevant which the wenches of London call the Ferkers in and in As for breaking his head with over-much study he had an especial care not to do it in any case for feare of spoiling his eyes which he the rather observed for that it was told him by one of his Teachers there called Regents that the paine of the eyes was the most hurtful thing of any to the sight for this cause when he one day was made a Licentiate or Graduate in law one of the Scholras of his acquaintance who of learning had not much more then his burthen though in stead of that he could dance very well and play at tennis made the blason and device of the Licentiates in the said University saying So you have in your hand a racket A tennis-ball in your Cod-placket A Pandect law in your Caps tippet And that you have the skill to trip it In a low dance you will b' allow'd The grant of the Licentiates hood CHAP. VI. How Pantagruel met with a Limousin who too affestedly did counterfeit the French Language VPon a certain day I know not when Pantagruel walking after supper with some of his fellow-Students without that gate of the City through which we enter on the rode to Paris encountered with a young spruce-like Scholar that was coming upon the same very way and after they had saluted one another asked him thus My friend from whence comest thou now the Scholar answered him From the alme inclyte and celebrate Academie which is vocitated Lutetia What is the meaning of this said Pantagruel to one of his men It is answered he from Paris Thou comest from Paris then said Pantagruel and how do you spend your time there you my Masters the Students of Paris the Scholar answered We transfretate the Sequan at the dilucul and crepuscul we deambulate by the compites and quadrives of the Urb we despumate the Latial verbocination and like verisimilarie amorabons we captat the benevolence of the omnijugal omniform and omnigenal foeminine sexe upon certain diecules we invisat the Lupanares and in a venerian extase inculcate our veretres into the penitissime recesses of the pudends of these amicabilissim meretricules then do we cauponisate in the meritory taberns of the pineapple the castle the magdalene and the mule goodly vervecine spatules perforaminated with petrocile and if by fortune there be rarity or penury of pecune in our marsupies and that they be exhausted of ferruginean mettal for the shot we dimit our codices and oppugnerat our vestiments whilest we prestolate the coming of the Tabellaries from the Penates and patriotick Lares to which Pantagruel answered What devillish language is this by the Lord I think thou art some kind of Heretick My Lord no said the Scholar for
libentissimally assoon as it illucesceth any minutle slice of the day I demigrate into one of these so well architected minsters and there irrorating my self with faire Iustral water I mumble offlittle parcels of some missick precation of our sacrificuls and submurmurating my horarie precules I elevate and absterge my anime from its nocturnal inquinations I revere the Olympicols I latrially venere the supernal Astripotent I dilige and redame my proxims Iobserve the decalogical precepts and according to the facultatule of my vires I do not discede from them one late unguicule neverthelesse it is veriforme that because Mammona doth not supergurgitate any thing in my loculs that I am somewhat rare and lent to supererogate the elemosynes to thoseegents that hostially queritate their stipe Prut tut said Pantagruel what doth this foole mean to say I think he is upon the forging of some diabolical tongue and that inchanter-like he would charme us to whom one of his men said Without doubt Sir this fellow would counterfeit the Language of the Parisians but he doth only flay the Latine imagining by so doing that he doth highly Pindarize it in most eloquent termes and strongly conceiteth himself to be therefore a great Oratour in the French because he disdaineth the common manner of speaking to which Pantagruel said Is it true the Scholar answered My worshipful Lord my genie is not apt nate to that which this flagitious Nebulon saith to excoriate the cutule of our vernacular Gallick but viceversally I gnave opere and by vele and rames enite to locupletate it with the Latinicome redundance By G said Pantagruel I will teach you to speak but first come hither and tell me whence thou art To this the Scholar answered The primeval origin of my aves and ataves was indigenarie of the Lemonick regions where requiesceth the corpor of the hagiotat St. Martial I understand thee very well said Pantagruel when all comes to all thou art a Limousin and thou wilt here by the affected speech counterfeit the Parisiens well now come hither I must shew thee a new trick and handsomely give thee the combfeat with this he took him by the throat saying to him Thou flayest the Latine by St. John I will make thee flay the foxe for I will now flay thee alive then began the poor Limousin to cry Haw gwid Maaster haw Laord my halp and St. Marshaw haw I 'm worried haw my thropple the bean of my cragg is bruck haw for gauads seck lawt my lean Mawster waw waw waw Now said Pantagruel thou speakest naturally and so let him go for the poor Limousin had totally berayed and throughly conshit his breeches which were not deep and large enough but round streat caniond gregs having in the seat a piece like a keelings taile and therefore in French called de chausses à queue de merlus Then said Pantagruel St. Alipantiu what civette si to the devil with this Turnepeater as he stinks and so let him go but this hug of Pantagruels was such a terrour to him all the dayes of his life and took such deep impression in his fancie that very often distracted with sudden affrightments he would startle and say that Pantagruel held him by the neck besides that it procured him a continual drought and desire to drink so that after some few years he died of the death Roland in plain English called thirst a work of divine vengeance shewing us that which saith the Philosopher and Aulus Gellius that it becometh us to speak according to the common language and that we should as said Octavian Augustus strive to shun all strange and unknown termes with as much heedfulnesse and circumspection as Pilots of ships use to avoid the rocks and banks in the sea CHAP. VII How Pantagruel came to Paris and of the choise Books of the Library of St. Victor AFter that Pantagruel had studied very well at Orleans he resolved to see the great University at Paris but before his departure he was informed that there was a huge big bell at St. Anian in the said town of Orleans under the ground which had been there above two hundred and fourteen years for it was so great that they could not by any device get it so much as above the ground although they used all the meanes that are found in Vitruvius de Architectura Albertus de re aedificatoria Euclid Theon Archimedes and Hero de ingeniis for all that was to no purpose wherefore condescending heartily to the humble request of the Citizens and Inhabitants of the said Town he determined to remove it to the tower that was erected for it with that he came to the place where it was and lifted it out of the ground with his little finger as easily as you would have done a Hawks bell or Bell-weathers tingle tangle but before he would carry it to the foresaid tower or steeple appointed for it he would needs make some Musick with it about the Town and ring it alongst all the streets as he carried it in his hand wherewith all the people were very glad but there happened one great inconveniency for with carrying it so and ringing it about the streets all the good Orleans wine turned instantly waxed flat and was spoiled which no body there did perceive till the night following for every man found himself so altered and a dry with drinking these flat wines that they did nothing but spit and that as white as Maltha cotton saying We have of the Pantagruel and our very throats are salted This done he came to Paris with his retinue and at his entry every one came out to see him as you know well enough that the people of Paris is sottish by nature by B. flat and B. sharp and beheld him with great astonishment mixed with no lesse feare that he would carry away the Palace into some other countrey a remotis and farre from them as his father formerly had done the great peal of Bells at our Ladies Church to tie about his Mares neck Now after he had stayed there a pretty space and studied very well in all the seven liberal Arts he said it was a good towne to live in but not to die for that the grave-digging rogues of St. Innocent used in frostie nights to warme their bums with dead mens bones In his abode there he found the Library of St. Victor a very stately and magnifick one especially in some books which were there of which followeth the Repertory and Catalogue Et primò The for Godsake of salvation The Codpiece of the Law The Slipshoe of the Decretals The Pomegranate of vice The Clew-bottom of Theologie The Duster or foxtail-flap of Preachers Composed by Turlupin The churning Ballock of the Valiant The Henbane of the Bishops Marmoretus de baboonis apis cum Commento Dorbellis Decretum Universitatis Parisiensis super gorgiasitate muliercularum ad placitum The Apparition of Sancte Geltrud to a Nun of Poissie
seven others went seven Countrey-fellows having every one of them a shovel on his neck into nine others entred nine wood-carriers having each of them a basket hung at his neck and so were they swallowed down like pills when they were in his stomack every one undid his spring and came out of their cabins the first whereof was he that carried the Lantern and so they fell more then half a league into a most horrible gulph more stinking and infectious then ever was Mephitis or the marishes of Camerina or the abominably unsavoury lake of Sorbona whereof Strabo maketh mention And had it not been that they had very well antidoted their stomach heart and wine-pot which is called the noddle they had been altogether suffocated and choaked with these detestable vapours O what a perfume O what an evaporation wherewith to beray the masks or muflers of young mangie queans after that with groping and smelling they came near to the fecal matter and the corrupted humours finally they found a montjoy or heap of ordure and filth then fell the Pioneers to work to dig it up and the rest with their shovels filled the baskets and when all was cleansed every one retired himself into his ball This done Pantagruel enforcing himself to a vomit very easily brought them out and they made no more shew in his mouth then a fart in yours but when they came merrily out of their pills I thought upon the Grecians coming out of the Trojan horse by this meanes was he healed and brought unto his former state and convalescence and of these brazen pills or rather copper-balls you have one at Orleans upon the steeple of the Holy Crosse Church CHAP. XXXIV The Conclusion of this present Book and the excuse of the Author NOw my Masters you have heard a beginning of the horrisick history of my Lord and Master Pantagruel Here will I make an end of the first book My head akes a little and I perceive that the Registers of my braine are somewhat jumbled and disordered with this septembral juice You shall have the rest of the history at Franckfort mart next coming and there shall you see how Panurge was married and made a Cuckold within a moneth after his wedding how Pantagruel found out the Philosophers stone the manner how he found it and the way how to use it how he past over the Caspian mountaines and how he sailed thorough the Atlantick sea defeated the Cannibals and conquered the isles of Perles how he married the daughter of the King of India called Presian how he fought against the devil and burnt up five chambers of hell ransacked the great black chamber threw Proserpina into the fire broke five teeth to Lucifer and the horne that was in his arse How he visited the regions of the Moon to know whether indeed the Moon were not entire and whole or if the women had three quarters of it in their heads and a thousand other little merriments all veritable These are brave things truly Good night Gentlemen Perdonate mi and think not so much upon my faults that you forget your own If you say to me Master it would seem that you were not very wise in writing to us these flimflam stories and pleasant fooleries I answer you that you are not much wiser to spend your time in reading them neverthelesse if you read them to make your selves merry as in manner of pastime I wrote them you and I both are farre more worthy of pardon then a great rabble of squint-minded fellowes dissembling and counterfeit Saints demure lookers hypocrites pretended zealots tough Fryars buskin-Monks and other such sects of men who disguise themselves like Maskers to deceive the world for whilest they give the common people to understand that they are busied about nothing but contemplation and devotion in fastings and maceration of their sensuality and that only to sustain and aliment the small frailty of their humanity It is so far otherwise that on the contrary God knows what cheer they make Et Curios simulant sed bacchanalia vivunt You may reade it in great letters in the colouring of their red snowts and gulching bellies as big as a tun unlesse it be when they perfume themselves with sulphur as for their study it is wholly taken up in reading of Pantagruelin books not so much to passe the time merrily as to hurt some one or other mischievously to wit in articling sole-articling wry-neckifying buttock-stirring ballocking and diabliculating that is calumniating wherein they are like unto the poor rogues of a village that are busie in stirring up and scraping in the ordure and filth of little children in the season of cherries and guinds and that only to finde the kernels that they may sell them to the druggists to make thereof pomander-oile Fly from these men abhorre and hate them as much as I do and upon my faith you will finde your selves the better for it And if you desire to be good Pantagruelists that is to say to live in peace joy health making your selves alwayes merry never trust those men that alwayes peep out at one hole The End of the Second Book of Rabelais FINIS THE TABLE OF THE CHAPTERS Contained in the First and Second Book of Rabelais Of the First book THE Authors Prologue Page 1. Of the Genealogie and Antiquity of Gargantua ch 1. p. 9 A galimatia of extravagant conceits ch 2. p. 13 How Gargantua was carried eleven moneths in his mothers belly ch 3. p. 18 How Gargamelle being great with Gargantua did eat a huge deal of tripes ch 4. p. 22 The Discourse of the Drinkers ch 5. p. 24 How Gargantua was borne in a strange manner After what manner Gargantua had his name given him and how he tipled bibbed and eurried the Canne ch 7. p. 34 How they apparelled Gargantua ch 8. p. 37 The Colours and Liveries of Gargantua ch 9. p. 43 Of that which is signified by the Colours white and blew ch 10. p. 47 Of the youthful age of Gargantua ch 11. p. 53 Of Gargantua's wooden horses ch 12. p. 57 How Gargantua's wonderful understanding became known to his father Grangousier by the invention of a torchecul c. ch 13. p. 61 How Gargantua was taught Latine by a Sophister ch 14. p. 67 How Gargantua was put under other Schoolmasters ch 15. p. 70 How Gargantua was sent to Paris and of the huge great mare that he rode on how she destroyed the oxe-flies of the Beauce ch 16. p. 73 How Gargantua payed his welcome to the Parisians and how he took away the great Bells of our Ladies Church ch 17. p. 76 How Janotus de Bragmardo was sent to Gargantua to recover the great bells ch 18. p. 80 The Oration of Master Janotus de Bragmardo for recovery of the bells ch 19. p. 82 How the Sophister corried away his cloth and how he had a suit in law against the other Masters ch 20. p. 85 The study of Gargantua