THE FLAMING HART OR THE LIFE OF THE GLORIOVS S. TERESA Foundresse of the Reformation of the Order of the All-Immaculate Virgin-Mother our B. Lady of Mount-Carmel This History of her Life vvas vvritten by the Saint her selfe in Spanish and is nevvly novv Translated into English in the yeare of our Lord God 1642. Aut mori aut pati Either to dye or els to suffer Chap. 40. ANTWERPE Printed by IOHANNES MEVRSIVS ANNO M. DC XLII TO THE INCOMPARABLE SOVERAIGNE PRINCESSE HENRIETTA-MARIA OF FRANCE QVEEN OF GREAT BRITTAINE FRANCE AND IRLAND MADAME I Presume not novv to approach to your Maiesties presence vvith designe to begg your Fauours though this vse to be the case of euery Creature but to pay your Maiestie a Seruice and that a great one for the many Princely benefitts vvhich I haue receiued already from your gratious hand For heer I come to offer your Maiestie a meanes of magnifying your ovvne naturall greatnes by your avovving protecting and enlargeing the glory of an incomparable Saint S. Teresa To vvhome as I haue vvell vnderstood that already yovv carry an extraordinary deuotion and not only deuotion to her selfe but affection also to the holy Religious vvoemen of her Angelicall Order vvhereof the English Nation vvhich novv enioyes the honour to be also yours hath a Monastery at Antwerpe vvhich needs not perhaps be ashamed to appeare neer any other of the vvhole vvorld vvhether it be for their great entire contentment in Recollection their insatiable yet most delightfull thirst after Perfection Vnion vvith our Blessed Lord or the euerlasting Feast of Joy Iubily vvhich they solemnize both in the harty high respects vvhich they carry to their Reuerend Mother Superiour and their true most tender loue to one another so it vvill not be vnvvorthy either of your ovvne greatnes or goodnes that vvhen there is question of considering the vertues perfections of the Glorious S. Teresa and the celebrating her praises and the studying her Life J meane that Life of hers vvhich she vvrote vvith that most holy vvise hand of her ovvne vvhich I heer present your Maiestie vouchsafe to march at the very head of that vvhole Troope vvhich may addresse it selfe to the imitation of her Heroicall actions and to the admiration of those incomparable Graces and Fauours vvhich the God of Heauen and Earth thought fitt to infuse vvith his enamoured hart and omnipotent hand into that most happy Soule For vvho can euer be more fitt to patronize so great a Saint as she is then so great a Queen as your Maiestie vvho besides your Birth and renovvne vvhereof to speake after the manner of men yovv haue so much occasion to bragg haue also in order to Heauen shevved such constancy in the vvay of Religion and pietye as may iustly all things considered giue cause to the rest of your owne most eminent Ranke at least to shrinke if not to blush For my selfe to begg your Maiesties pardon for this apparance of presumption vvere novv to acknowledge some such fault as vvhereof J acquitted my selfe before I vvill therefore rather by this meanes hope to obtaine a Suite for this Seruice yea and that of the most sauory kind of all other it is That yovv vvill vouchsafe to imploy the Sacrifice of my vvhole Life in obedience to any of your Maiesties least commands God make keep your Maiestie as healthy as happy as this vvorld can tell hovv to vvish yea and as the other can tell hovv to graunt I most humbly aske leaue to doe your Maiestie all Reuerence at your Royall Feet Your Maiesties most humble most obedient most deuoted most obliged Seruant M. T. A word of Aduertisment to the Reader TO the end that the Reader 's iudgement may be kept from anie considerable errour concerning the person of the Glorious S. Teresa he is humbly and earnestly desired to read the Preface before he read the Booke and especially that part thereof vvhich occurrs betvveen that § vvhich beginns vvith these follovving vvords For she vvill tell you c. And that other vvhich beginns But novv it vvill come fittly in c. He may also be pleased to excuse the fevv Faults vvhich shall be found in the Print the rather because it vvas performed both in a strange Countrie and by strangers THE PREFACE OF THE TRANSLATOVR TO THE CHRISTIAN AND CIVIL READER I Was moued and who would not be moued by the Reuerend Mother Superiour of the English Teresian-Carmelites at Ant werpe the rest of that holie Assemblie to Translate out of Spanish into English the Life of the Admirable and Blessed Woeman S. Teresa their holie Mother and mine whose Excellencies and Perfections it is hard for anie Penn to expresse and few Harts euen of the most refined and raised can fully vnderstand and comprehend For though it were translated long agoe by an eminent and worthie Man of our Nation in the great deuotion which he carried to his excellent Saint yet he had liued so very long out of his Countâ—â— and had attended in so serious a manner to the acquiring of Perfection and Knowledge in order to the Conuersion of Soules that on the one side he seemed to haue lost a little of the puritie of his owne English Toung and on the other not to haue acquired enough of the Spanish and consequently not to haue been able to performe the Worke so exactly as he desired Since such a Booke as was so sublimely conceiued by such a Hart and so vehemeÌ„tly posted-out by such a Penn could neuer be exactly translated out of anie one Language into an other vvithout a kind of full possession of them both besides a great attention application of minde othervvise Some places being therfore very obscure and manie other more then a little mis-vnderstood the Booke vvas not so vvell receiued nor so gladly greedily read as it deserued And therfore both in honour of their renouned and admired Parent in appetite also of their ovvne consolation and perfection in Spirit the zeale of these holy Religious vvoemen could not content it selfe vvith less then a procuring to get a nevv Translation made vvhich perhaps might proue to their thinkeing a little lesse imperfect then the other For my part I confesse I vvonder that some such Reuievv and Reformation concerning a Publique Worke so much importing the glory of Almighty God and the honour of so eminent a Saint could be forborne so long But euen that very conceipt and consideration did helpe to clappe the Spurrs into my Sides towards a running through this Course and Carreire vvith all the care speed vvhich I could possibly vse And heerin though my abilityes were small yet my attention grew to be great and so I considered seuerall Coppyes and tooke also many opinions and yet found that all my diligences vvere few enow towards the discharge of the multitude of doubts and difficultyes vvhich occurred Partly through the
of discoursing with my Vnderstanding nor to help my self by the vse of my Imagination which I haue so heauie and grosse that euen to thinke and represent within my self so much as the Humanitie of our Blessed Lord which I endeauoured to doe was yet more then I could possibly performe And howsoeuer by this way of not being able to employ and set the Vnderstanding on worke in the way of discourse men may sooner ariue to Contemplation if they perseuer therin yet is it very troublesome and painefull because if the employment of the will doe faile so farre of obtaining the true end as that their Loue finde no present Obiect to embrace the soule is left as it were without anie exercise and rest at all and that kinde of solitude and drynes giues much trouble and opens the way to a combat and confusion of thoughts As for persons who haue this disposition there is need of a greater puritie of Conscience then for such others as are able to worke and discourse by way of the Vnderstanding For he who is able to discourse vpon what this world is and vpon what he owes to Almightie God and how much he suffered for him and how little himself is able to serue him and vvhat he bestowes vpon such as loue him vvil be able to draw a doctrine from thence vvhich may defend him from impertinent thoughts and occasions and dangers But he vvho can not serue himself thereof runnes more hazard and shall therefore doe vvell to employ himself much vpon reading since on his owne part he knowes not hovv to help himself This manner of proceeding is so very extreamly painefull that if the Directour who instructs shall vrge him much to pray without reading which greatly helpes to recollect the person who proceeds thus yea and is necessarie for him though it be little which he reades saue only in time and place of Mentall Prayer which he is not able to make I say if without this help they make him stay much in Prayer it wil be impossible for him to last long therin and besides it wil doe him hurt in point of health for it is extreamly painefull Now it seemes that our Lord prouided so for me as that I should not finde anie Creature to instruct me for it had been impossible for me I thinke to continue to endure this extreame difficultie and these great aridities through my not being able as I was saying to discourse In all these times I neuer durst beginne to pray without a Booke in my hand vnlesse it were instantly vpon my hauing Communicated and as hartily was my soule afrayd to be in Prayer without a Booke as if I had been to fight with a multitude of people but by this remedie of a good Booke which was as a Cōpanie of Guard or as a Buckler vpon which the blowes of manie thoughts were to be receaued I went on with comfort For that drynes vvas not ordinarie vvith me though I had it alwaies vvhensoeuer I had no Booke in my hand but then my soule was instantly in disorder and my thoughts vvandred vp and downe But vvith reading I beganne to recollect them and carried my hart chearfully and delightfully on yea and manie times in the verie opening my Booke I found myself need no more Sometimes also I read little and sometimes much according to the fauour which our Lord vvas pleased to doe me more or lesse And it seems to me that if in those beginnings whereof I speake I might haue had Bookes and meanes to continue in solitude there would haue been no danger which could haue been able to depriue me of so great a good And I am also apt to thinke that by the fauour of Almightie God it would haue proued so if I had had a Directour or some person who might haue counselled me to auoide occasions in those beginnings and to make me forsake them quickly if I had been entred into them yea and though the Diuel should then haue set openly vpon me I thinke that I would neuer haue been brought to offend God grieuously againe but he vvas so very craftie and I so wretched that all these resolutions of mine did me little good but the time vvhich I spent in Gods seruice did me very much towards the bearing those terrible sicknesses which I endured vvith so great patience as his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafed to bestow vpon me I haue often considered the great goodnes of Almightie God euen with amazement and my soule had been regaled to see the magnificence of his mercie towards me Let him be blessed for all things For I haue seen in most euident manner that he hath not left anie one good desire of mine without recompense euen in this life and how imperfect and full of fault soeuer my vvorkes vvere yet this Lord of mine vvent bettering and perfecting them and giuing them vvorth and my sinnes and miseries he vvould instantly hide Yea his Diuine Maiestie hath permitted that euen the eyes of such as saw them should be blinded and their memories faile vvhen they vvould remember them He euen guilds our faults and makes that vertue shine bright vvhich he the same Lord conueyes into me and vvherein he offers me euen a kind of violence that I may receaue it But I vvill now returne to speake of those things vvhich they haue commanded me to declare And I say that if I be to set forth after a particular manner in vvhat sort our Lord proceeded vvith me in these beginnings I shall need another manner of vnderstanding then mine owne to performe all that vvith aduantage for vvhich I am obliged to him in this particular and to publish mine owne ingratitude and vvickednes since he hath forgotten it all Let him be blessed for euer vvho hath endured so much at my hands Amen THE FIFTH CHAPTER She prosecutes the relation of the great infirmities vvhich she had and of the patience vvhich our Lord gaue her in them and hovv benefits are dravvne out of mischiefs as vvil be seen by a certaine particular vvhich hapened to her in the place vvhither she vvent to be cured I Forgot to relate how in the yeare of my Nouitiate I suffered much disquiet about some things which in themselues were of little importance but I found my self to be blamed manie times vvithout my hauing made anie fault and this I tooke vvith trouble and imperfection enough though yet I endured it all through the contentment which I had to be a Religious woeman When they obserued me to loue Solitude so vvell and saw me shed teares sometimes which yet indeed vvas for my sinnes they thought yea and they sayd that it grew but from some inward melancholie and disgust For my part I had a good inclination to all the obseruances of a Religious life saue only that I knew not how to endure anie thing vvhich might carrie so much as an apparance of contempt vvith it for I delighted in being esteemed
improue so much the more as also because by this time she is growne to approach neerer to that vertue and power from whence all vertues proceed which is Almightie God because his Diuine Maiestie doth not only then communicate himself to that Soule but he is also pleased that she should find in what sort it is that he communicates himself to her In ariuing once to this place she instantly beginnes to loose the appetite of all things concerning this world and I cannot blame her for already she sees very clearly that one moment of that gust is not to be purchased heer and that no riches nor dominions nor all the honours nor delights of this world are able to giue such contentment and satisfaction as this though it were but for the twinkling of an eye because this is true contentment and such an one as we really see and find to content vs indeed For as for those others of this world it may well goe for a wonder if we can so much as tell euen wherein the contentment of anie thing doth consist Nor doth there euer faile to be a kind of measuring cast between the Yea and the No in anie of them but heer all is in the Affirmatiue and professes to say Yea as long as it lasts and the No comes not in till afterward because then they see that the busines is growne to be at an end and that he cannot recouer it againe nor knowes indeed how to goe about it For though he should euen halfe kill himselfe with doing Pennance and making much Prayer and vse in fine all other possible diligences yet will it all serue to very little purpose vnlesse our Lord vouchsafe to impart it But Almightie God is pleased heer for his owne greatnes that this Soule should now vnderstand that his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafes to be so neer her that now there is no need of sending anie messengers to her but only that she her self may speake with him though yet not by word of mouth because then he is already so neer her that he vnderstands her as a man may say euen by the verie least stirring of her lipps But now it may chance seem to some to be impertinent for me to talke after this manner in regard the world knowes well enough that our Lord doth euer heare vs is euer present with vs and there can be no doubt at all but that this is true But yet heer this Emperour and Lord of ours is pleased that we should also vnderstand that he vnderstands vs and what his presence is able to doe what he will particularly beginne to worke in our Soules and the great both interiour and exteriour satisfaction which he imparts and the mighty difference which as I haue sayd there is between this kind of delight and gust and all the other of this world For this seemes euen to fill all those hollow and voyd places which our Sinnes had made in our Soules And this so great satisfaction is in the very most intimate part thereof and she knowes not how nor by what meanes also it comes nay manie times she cannot tell euen what to doe nor what to aske no nor what to wish For the Soule seemes there to find all good things togeather and she doth not very well know euen what she hath found nor yet can I tell how to giue it to be vnderstood For there would heer be need of Learning for manie purposes and heer would it come very well in to giue to vnderstand the difference betwixt Generall and Particular Helps or Succours of Grace whereof manie are ignorant And our Lord in this Prayer is pleased that our Soule should see this particular Succour as it were with her verie eyes and manie other things also which may perhaps be ill declared heer by me but since vnderstanding persons are to see what I write and who will know if it haue anie errour in it wherein I may easily be found faultie enough through want both of Learning Spirit I am in the lesse paine and care considering that this goes into the hands of such as will both vnderstand it will blott also anie such thing out as may haue been ill sayd Yet I would faine giue this to be vnderstood because these are the beginnings and when our Lord disposes himselfe first to doe these Fauours the Soule herself doth not vnderstand them nor doth she know what to doe with her self For if Almightie God conduct and guide her by the way of feare as he did me the trouble is very great vnlesse there be some at hand who can vnderstand her But then it is a great gust for her to see her self well described by them for then she euidently findes her self to be in that way and it is also of great benefit to know what one hath to doe in anie of these States or Degrees that so they may goe profiting on For my part I endured much and lost a great deale of time because I did not know how to carry my selfe And therefore I haue very great compassion of those Soules which find themselues alone when they are come thus farre for though I haue read manie Spirituall Bookes and though they touch vpon that which is to the purpose yet fall they very short in declaring themselues and vnlesse the Soule be very well exercised in Prayer she shall haue enough to doe to vnderstand them though they seeke to expresse themselues at large I could very much desire that our Lord would doe me the fauour that I might know how to set downe the effects which these things that grow already to be Supernaturall vse to worke in the Soule to the end that it might be vnderstood by them when it is the Spirit of God I say that it might be vnderstood according to what we can thinke we vnderstand in this world though it will alwaies be very well done to goe on with circumspection and feare For though it be indeed of God yet the Diuel can tell how to transforme himselfe sometimes into an Angel of Light and if a Soule be not well exercised in Prayer she will not vnderstand it well and indeed to be exercised well enough to vnderstand this point as it deserues the Soule must be ariued to the highest Degree of Prayer The little time I haue will allow mee no great help for what I am designeing and therefore his Diuine Maiestie had need to doe it himself for I must be stirring vp and downe in the Communitie haue manie other businesses to doe since I am at this present in a House which is but beginning now as I shall shew afterward and therefore I am writing this without anie such rest and quiet kind of being as were conuenient so that I must doe it by little and little and by fitts But I could wish I were now at more leasure for when our Lord giues a spirit to doe a thing it is easily and much
giue me light by her meanes as I will now declare THE THIRD CHAPTER VVherein she treates hovv her falling into vertuous companie vvas the occasion of her returning to avvake good desires in herself And hovv our Lord beganne to giue her some light of the errour vvherein she had formerly been BVt now I beginning to take gust in the good and holie conuersation of this Religious woeman was ioyed to heare how well she was wont to speake of Almighty God for she was both very holie and very discreet Of this I conceiue confesse I did neuer at anie time giue ouer to â—â—â—â—ery glad to heare She began one day to tell nâ—â—â—â—ow she was growne to be a Religious woman by the onlie reading of that place of the Ghospell That manie are called but fevv are chosen And she spake much to me of the reward which our lord is wont to giue to such as leaue all things for the loue of him In a word this good societie of hers beganne quickly to put to flight those customes and condiuons which ill companie had brought vpon me and restored the desire of eternall blessings to my thoughts yea and to stripp me in some part of that great enmitie and opposition against becominge a Religious woemaÌ„ which formerly had been very extreame But now if I chanced to see anie one who shed manie teares for her sinnes or els that she abounded in other vertues I carried a kinde of enuie towards her though as for this hart of mine it was so very hard and euen impenetrable in this kinde that if I should haue read ouer the whole Historie of the Paision of our Blessed Sauiour I was not able to shed a teare and this put me to a great deale of paine In this Monasterie did I remaine a yeare and a half and I was much improued there I beganne to say manie Vocall prayers and I procured of all the Religious that they would recommend me much to Almightie God to the end that he might place mee in such a way of Life as wherein I might be likelie to serue him best But still I did euen desire that I might not be a Religious woman and that this might not be the state which God would giue me though yet still I was afrayd to be married But now at the end of the time when I was there I already beganne to be more inclined to be a Religious woeman though yet not in that verie House where I was then in regard of those actions of extraordinarie vertue and pennance which I vnderstood they vsed and which seemed to me of too much rigour Yet there were some of the yonger sort of themselues who encouraged me towards those formet more imperfect thoughts for if they all had been of one opinion it would haue been much to my true aduantage I had also a great friend in another Monasterie and this was partly a reason why if I would be a Religious woman I would not yet be so in anie other place then where that friend of mine was For I carried more respect to my sensualitie and vanitie then to the benefit which I might bring to my soule These good thoughts of being a Religious woman were often coming to me by times but they were instantly sent away againe and I could not yet persuade myself to be one At this time though my self were not altogether vvithout care of my cure yet our Lord vvas much fuller of desire to dispose me for that state vvhich vvould be best for my soule He then gaue me so great a sicknes that I vvas forced to returne home to my Fathers house And vven once I vvas recouered they conducted me to giue a Visit to one of my Sisters in the Countrie for the loue vvhich I bore her vvas extreame and by her vvill I should neuer haue parted from her Her Husband did also loue me very much and at least he regaled me highly And euen for this also am I obliged to our Blessed Lord since in all places vvhere I haue been I was euer treated after this manner notwithstanding that I haue been as vnthankefull to him for it as for his other fauours Now by the way towards my Sister I had an Vnckle my Fathers Brother vvho vvas a very aduised man and of great vertue He vvas a Widdower and our Lord vvent disposing him for his owne seruice and vvhen he grew on to be of yeares he left the vvorld and became a Religious man and ended his life in such sort that I belieue he is now enioying the Vision of Almightie God But he vvould needs haue me as I passed remaine with him some dayes His vsuall exercise vvas to reade good Bookes in the Spanish toung and his discours vvas most commonly of God and of the vanitie of the world and those Bookes vvould he also make me reade And though I had no great liking to this yet I pretended that I had for in the point of giuing contentment to others I had euer an extreame kind of care how deare soeuer it might cost me So that the same thing vvich had been vertue in others was a great fault in me because I often carried my self therin vvith much indiscretion O my God! By vvhat vvaies did thy Diuine Maiestie goe disposing me for that state in vvhich thou vvert pleased that I should serue thee since thou didst euen force me thus as it vvere against my vvill to force my self Be thou blessed for all eternitie Amen Though I stayed not long in that place yet by the effect vvhich the vvords of Almighty God wrought in my hart whether they vvere read or heard by me together vvith so good companie as that vvas vvherein I found my self then I came to vnderstand this Truth vvhich I had learnt when I was yet but a Child That namely all was nothing and how great the vanitie of the vvorld vvas and that all vvould be shortly at an end and that I might iustly feare least dying in that condition wherein I vvas I might chance goe dropping downe into Hell And though my vvill did not yet entirely resolue me to make my self a Religious vvoman yet I vvell discerned that it vvas the better and more secure state and so by little and little I determined to force my hart to embrace it In this battaile I remained three moneths constraining my self at last by this following discours and reason that the troubles and afflictions of being a Religious vvomaÌ„ could not be greater then the paine of Purgatorie And that I hauing so vvel deserued Hell it vvas not to be esteemed too much if I remained vvhilst I should liue heer as in Purgatorie so that afterward I might goe streight to heauen For this was my desire But yet euen in this inclination of mine to take this state vpon me I doubt I vvas more moued by a kinde of seruile Feare then by Loue. The Diuel in the meane time represented to me that I would neuer
high Prayer by vsing so continuall Mortification finally through such an incomparable treasure as she acquired afterward by a multitude of most excellent vvorkes For if her beginnings were such as out-stripped euen the conclusion of very perfect Soules how farre shall vve imagine that she vvould be sure to ariue and reach ere she came to an end These are the liuely testimonies of this last exact and diligent Authour And as for that former excellent discourse of Doctour Levvis de Leon it serues also to let vs see very clearly the perfections of her happie Children the Religious Woemen of her Order And since euen the Christian vvorld at large is vvont to call know her by the name of Mother Teresa how much more haue the Religious her deare most dear Daughters reason to call her so as they doe Since togeather with the strictnes of their Rule a strictnes yet much more tending to the preseruing purifying their Mindes then anie vvay to the afflicting of their Bodies vvhatsoeuer the Diuel vvould faine make the vvorld beleiue so to discourage the Seruants of God from becoming his better Seruants by liuing vnder this most holie and happie Rule there vvas euer so great indulgence in her towards them and such a tender kinde of care ouer the health and contentment yea and euen as it vvere for the good humour of her Children as that she might well deserue the name of a hundred thousand Mothers all in one For that her verie kindnes ariued euen thus farre may be seen in many passages both of her Rule of her Life So that vpon the vvhole matter it vvas a kinde of hard case to decide whether she were of more rigour to her self or of more indulgence towards her Children And she did expresly require that her Successours should be alwaies carefull to maintaine the verie self same sweet and euen as it vvere kinde-harted Spirit in the gouernment of all such Soules as should euer come to range themselues by her Order And it seemes that not only her counsaile was imparted to them then but that her prayers protection continues now to the self same purpose and that still she shrowdes and shelters them vnder that care For the self-same Spirit remaines so entirely truly amongst them at this day that as they leade the liues of Angells on the one side so yet doe they also on the other spend their time vvith so much ioy gust through that incredible kind of peace vnion of minde vvhich they possesse as vvell in order to their Superiours as to themselues as if euerie one of them vvere no lesse then mightily euen in loue vvith euerie other vvhich puts them into a kind of Heauen before their time Nay still she seemes as it vvere visibly to worke in all kindes for their aduantage And heer since this holie Saint tooke all the accidents and occasions not only of her Children but euen of those Strangers so extreamly and extraordinarily to hart vvho applyed themselues to obtaine her helpe whilst she vvas yet but an Inhabitant of this vvorld I am confidently yea and assuredly perswaded that she vvill now haue another manner of solicitude for their good and growth in all happines vvho shall celebrate and desire to serue her Which I wish that the whole world may doe and for my part I am so much bound to our Blessed Lord for which I adore him vvith my whole hart as to be sure that I will procure to make one The short Preface or Introduction vvhich vvas made by the Glorious S. TERESA her selfe to this Life of hers vvhich she vvrote I Could haue vvished that as they haue giuen me a large kind of libertie yea and a commandment also to setdovvne both the manner of my Prayer and the Fauours vvich our Blessed Lord vvas pleased to doe me they had also no lesse permitted me to declare my great Sinnes and vvicked Life in very particular and cleare manner for heerin J should haue receiued much consolation But this they vvould not suffer me to doe nay rather in this kind they tyed me vp very short And therefore I beg earnestly euen for the loue of our Blessed Lord that they vvho shall reade this Discourse of my Life vvill take knovvledge and attentiuely obserue that it hath been so very vnvvorthie and vvicked as that I haue not found anie one Saint amongst all them vvho haue been conuerted from Sinne to the Seruice of Almightie God in vvhose example J might be able to take comfort For J consider that vvhen once our Lord called them to himself they returned not anie more to offend him vvhereas I not only grevv vvorse but rather did it seemes euen make it my verie busines and studie hovv to resist those great Fauours vvhich his Diuine Maiestie vvas pleased to doe me As one vvho on the one side found her self obliged to serue him for them so much the more and yet vvho on the other obserued vvithall that she vvas vnable to make him anie payment for the least part of all that vvhich she ovved him Let him be Blessed for euer vvho vouchsafed to expect me so long and I beseech him vvith my vvhole hart to giue me grace that I may vvith all claritie and truth make this Relation vvhich my Ghostlie Fathers haue commanded at my hands yea and vvhich I knovv our Lord himself hath long expected from me saue that yet vvithall I could not easily presume so farre as to venture vpon it But at least I vvish that novv it may proue to the glorie and praise of his Diuine Maiestie as also to the end that my said Ghostlie Fathers grovving heerafter into a clearer knovvledge of me by this meanes may assist me in my vveaknes so much the more that so at length I may be able to pay some little part of that much seruice vvhich I ovve to our Blessed Lord VVhome let all Creatures praise for all Eternities Amen THE FIRST CHAPTER She shevves havv our Lord beganne to stirre-vp her Soule in her Childhood to the performing of vertuous actions and of the help vvhich it giues in order to this end to be borne of vertuous Parents THE very hauing of vertuous Parents and such as liue in the feare of Almightie God togeather with those fauours which I receaued from his Diuine Maiestie had been able to haue made me good if I had not been so very wicked My Father was delighted in reading good Bookes and vsed to haue them in Spanish that so his Children might also reade them This consideration togeather with the care which my Mother had to make vs say our Prayers and to put vs into a way of deuotion to our Blessed Ladie and some other particular saints beganne to awake and stirre me vp when I was to the best of my remembrance about six or seauen yeares old It assisted me also towards this good end to find that there was no meanes for me to winne the fauour of
them but all goodnes and all care also of my good But passing on from that tender age to be able to beginne to vnderstand the benefits and guifts of Nature vvhich our Lord had bestovved vpon me vvhich others esteemed and sayd to be great in steed of giueing him thankes for the same I beganne to serue my self of them all tovvards the offence of his Diuine Maiestie as I shall novv declare THE SECOND CHAPTER VVhich shevves hovv she vvent loosing in the vvay of Vertue and hovv very much it importes to conuerse in childhood vvith vertuous persons I Belieue that a certaine thing vvhereof I vvil novv giue account beganne to doe me a great deale of hurt Sometimes I grovv to consider hovv ill those Parents doe vvho procure not that their Children should be euer seing examples of Vertue in all kindes For though my Mother were very eminent that vvay as I haue sayd already yet I tooke not so much of that good to myself vvhen first I came to the vse of Reason no nor almost euen anie thing at all and on the other side vvhatsoeuer there vvas of imperfect and ill did hurt me much My Mother vvas very particularly affected to reade Bookes of Caualleria or vaine histories but she tooke not so much hurt by that entertainment as I did because it hindred not that vvorke the vvhile about vvhich she vvas but disengaged vs from other things that so vve might reade them And perhaps she did it also the rather that she might so haue her thoughts lesse bent vpon the memorie of the great afflictions vvhich she felt and to employ also her Children in such sort as to diuert them from the thought of vvorse things My Father vvas yet so much troubled at this that particular care vvas had that he might not kouvv it But I in the meane time remained with the custome of reading these Bookes and that little fault of mine vvhich euen I myself discerned therein beganne to coole my good desires and vvas the reason vvhy I also grevv to faile in the rest and I made myself belieue that it vvas not very ill donne though yet I spent manie howers both of the day and night in so vaine an exercise and though it vvere still concealed from my Father But I vvas possessed heervvith in such extremitie that if perhaps I could not gett some nevv Booke I savv not hovv I could be in contentment I beganne also to make my self fine and to desire to grovv acceptable in seeming handsome and I tooke much care of my hands and of my haire and to get choice perfumes togeather vvith all those vanities vvhich it vvas possible for me to incurte by this meanes vvhich I confesse vvere enow in regard that I vvas very curious in this kinde I had only no ill intention nor desired I vpon anie tearmes that anie Creature should offend Almightie God vpon anie occasion of mine but I continued in so great a curiositie for daintines and cleanlines as vvas euen beyond all reason and those things vvhich for manie yeares I conceaued to be of no sinne at all I finde novv hovv very ill they vvere Novv I had certaine Cosen-germans vvho frequented my Fathers house in familiar manner no others hauing any such libertie as that For my Father was very warie and reserued in this kinde but I would to God he had also been so in respect of my Cosins because now I discerne the danger that it is for such as are to beginne to plant Vertue in the soule to treate with persons who know not in true account how great the Vanitie of the world is but rather are inclined to awake stirre others vp to cast themselues also into the same danger These kinsmen of mine were in effect of mine owne age or rather a little elder then I. VVe were vsually togeather and they carried great affection to me and in all things which gaue them contentment I was willing to vphold the discourse and gaue eare to the successes of their loue to others and such other fooleries as are good for nothing Yea and which is worse I grew by these meanes to lay my soule open to be looked vpon by certaine idle thoughts which were the cause of all the ensuing ill If I were worthie to aduise Parents I would wish them to take great heed what kinde of persons they admitted to conuerse with their Children for much harme may grow from thence since the naturall condition of Mankinde wil neuer clime vp so easily towards good as decline towords ill at least it hapned so to me I had a Sister much elder then my self of whose puritie and goodnes whereof she had great store I tooke no part but I failed not to take all hurt from a certaine other kins-woman of mine who had also familiar entrie into our house Now she was of so light and guiddie a conuersation that my Mother had vsed seuerall diligences to diuert her from familiaritie with vs. For it seemes she did euen half foresee the mischief which was to grow vpon me by her meanes and yet on the other side the occasion was so great faire whereby she was to enter that euen my Mother could not tell how to decline it VVith this Creature as I was saying did I come to haue much delight to entertaine myself VVith her was my conuersation and my discourse because I found that she employed her self willingly vpon all those wayes of passing my time wherein I delighted most Yea and sometimes she would embarke me in them of her self giuing me part and knowledge of all her owne conuersations and vanities Till I beganne to be familiar with her when I thinke I was some foureteen yeares old or rather a little more I meane till she had wrought her selfe into so much friēdship with me as to make me partake the knowledge of all her little affaires I am much inclined to thinke that I had neuer forfeited the fauour of Almightie God by anie Mortall Sinne nor euer forsaken the feare of his Diuine Maiestie though yet still I feared more to loose my honour This last point was of power enough with me for not permitting mee to loose it outright nor doe I conceiue that any thing of this world could make mee change that resolution nor was there any person aliue who could winne mee to yeild my selfe vp to that misery I would to God I had so abounded in strength courage as not to make one pace against the honour of his Diuine Maiestie as euen a kinde of naturall constitution of minde confirmed me towards the not loosing that wherein I held the honour of this world to consist though yet I considered not the while that I lost euen that also manie wayes For the vaine vpholding heerof I had euen an extreame resolution though yet for the proper and fitt meanes which was necessarie for preseruing it I vsed none at all only I was earnest in taking care that I might by
be able to suffer the difficulties and troubles of a Religious life because formerly I had been vsed so delicately and vvas so nice But yet against this also I defended my self as vvell as I could by the afflictions vvhich Christ our Lord endured for me and that so it vvould not be much for me to endure some for him I ought also to haue considered that he would giue me help to beare them Yet I remember not whether I had this last consideration or no but I am sure I had temptations enow about that time I then also grew to haue great fitts of fainting by a burning Feauer into wich I fell for I alwaies had little health But it gaue mee euen my life at that time that already I was growne to loue good Bookes and so I came to reade the Epistles of S. Ierome which holpe me to such hart and courage as to make me resolue that I would impart my purpose to my Father which in effect was euen as much for me as to take the verie Habit vpon mee For I was euer so affected to maintaine the point of Honour that mee thinkes I could neuer haue turned back againe vpon any tearmes when I had first engaged my selfe by speaking any one word to the contrary But he loued me to so strange a proportion that by no meanes I could winne his consent nor was the intercession of such persons as I procured to moue him in order to my end of anie power at all to preuaile The most that I could get at his hands was that when he should be dead I might doe what I listed with my self But as for me I was in doubt of mine owne great weaknes as fearing that I might loose ground and fall back againe And so I thought it was not fitt for me to content my self with the offer which he made and I procured therefore to obtaine my end by another meanes which I will now declare THE FOVRTH CHAPTER VVherein she relates hovv our Lord assisted her to force herself to take the Habit of Religion And of the manie infirmities vvhich he began to bring vpon her IN these dayes whilst I was walking on with my hart in such determinations or strong purposes as I haue heer described I perswaded one of my Brothers to become a Religious man discoursing to him vpon the vanitie of the world and so we both of vs agreed to goe very early together one morning to the Monasterie where that friend of mine remained who was she to whome I carried so great affection though yet in this last firme purpose of mine I was growne to be of such resolution that I vvould liue vvhereseuer I thought I might serue God best or my Father should desire most that I might be for now I sought more earnestly for the good of my soule and made no account at all of rest or ease And I remember to the verie vttermost of what I am able to call to minde and according to the verie rigour of truth that whilst I was going out of my Father's house I belieue not that the sharpnes of sense will be able to be greater euen in the verie instant or agonie of my death then it was then For it seemed to me as if euerie bone which I had in my bodie had been disioynted from all the rest And there being no such loue of God in me at that time as vvas able to quench that loue vvhich my hart carried to my Father and Friends all that vvhich then I did vvas vvith so mighty a violence that if God had not giuen me great help mine owne consideration would neuer haue beē able to carry me on but heer he allowed me such courage euen against myself that I had power to put my purpose in execution At the instant of my taking the Habit our Lord gaue me vvell to vnderstand hovv highly he fauours them vvho offer themselues violence for the doing him anie seruice though yet no bodie had found by me but that I entred into the vvay of Religious Obseruance vvith much facility and good liking But at that verie instant I tooke so great cōtentment to put my self into that manner of life as hath neuer failed me once till this verie hower And God changed that drynes vvherein my soule had formerly been into an extreame tendernes and all the obseruances of Religion gaue me great delight yea and it is a most certaine truth that vvhilst I vvas sometimes going vp and downe to sweepe the house at such howers as before I had been vvont to employ vpon the gallanterie and regalo of my person and vvent considering that now I vvas free from that subiection it gaue me a particular ioy and that so very great that it amazed me nor vvas it in my power to vnderstand from vvhence the same should come VVhen I remembred and cōsidered this there could be nothing how grieuous soeuer vpon vvhich if it vvere sett before me I should not haue ventured to attempt For I haue already good experience of things enow to assure me that since God did help me in the beginning to resolue to doe such things as these vvhich being only donne for the loue of God he ordaines for our greater merit afterward that our soules should be in some trouble and terrour at the first and the greater that trouble is the greater and the more sauourie also vvill the reward therof fall out to be if vve goe through vvith the busines his Maiestie vvil also be pleased to recompense them highly vvel euen in this life by such vvayes as he only vvho enioyes them can vnderstand This I say I haue found true by experience in manie particulars of great moment And therefore if I vvere a person vvho might be vvished to giue my opinion I vvould neuer aduise anie Creature that vvhen anie good inspiration did often moue and set vpon a soule it should giue it ouer for feare of not performing the vvorke For if one goe on meerly and purely for the onlie loue of our Lord there must be no feare at all of good successe since the same Lord is powerfull enough to preuaile in all things And let him be euer blessed Amen These fauours vvhich thou hadst hitherto bestowed vpō me out of thine owne meer goodnes and greatnes might vvell haue been sufficient O thou my Soueraigne Good and repose of my soule to draw me towards thee by so manie vvindings and turnings to so safe a vvay of life and to a House vvhere there are so manie seruants of thine of vvhome I might learne to grow vp in pleasing thee But heer I know not how I can passe on to thinke of anie thing els vvhen I consider the manner of my Profession and the great resolution and gust vvherewith I made it and the Espousalls vvhich I perfected vvith thee For I cannot speake of this vvithout teares which were to be euen of bloud and not vvithout the breaking of my verie hart vvhich
yet could not be too great a demonstration vvhen I vveigh how deeply I offended thee afterward Now me thinkes that I had reason before in not desiring so great a dignitie as this considering how ill I vvere like to employ it But thou O my Lord vvert pleased to permitt that I might vse this fauour so ill twentie yeares togeather and vvouldst content thy self to be the person affronted that I might be the person improued For it seemes not to me now O my God that I made thee anie promise of anie thing but only that I vvould keepe no promise vvich I had made thee though yet my intention vvas not such at that time And yet I finde my actions to haue growne afterward to be such that I may very vvell thinke I scarce know vvhat kind of intention I had And thus it may the better be seen vvho thou art O my Spouse and my God and who I am For it is really an expresse truth that the grief for my very great sinnes is tempered in me manie times by the contentment which this consideration giues me that my sinnefulnes may proue a meanes to make the multitude of thy mercies be vnderstood For in whome O Lord can they euer shine so brightly as in me who haue by my wicked actions so obscured those great fauours which thou beganst to doe me Ah woe is me O my Creatour for if I looke for anie excuse I can find none nor hath anie creature the fault of it but only my self and if I would pretend to pay thee anie thing for the least part of that Loue which thou beganst to shew me I should not know how to employ it vpon anie thing but only thy self and thereby might all be redressed since I neuer deserued the same Nor was I euer so happie as to doe euen this and therefore now O Lord let thy mercie vouchsafe to supply all wants But now the change which I made of my life and the difference of my food at this time from the former beganne to doe me hurt in the way of health for though the contentment which I had was great yet would it not serue the turne My fitts of fainting and swooning beganne againe to encrease and such a hideous beating of the hart came vpon me as amazed all them who saw it besides manie other infirmities And thus I passed on my first yeare with a kinde of health which was ill enough though yet within that time I conceaue my self not to haue offended God much But my sicknes being so great that it depriued me almost of my senses yea and sometimes I was vvholy depriued the diligences which my Father vsed for my recouerie vvere also very great and vvhen the Doctours of those parts found no remedie he procured to get me remoued to a certaine place vvhere there vvas great fame of the curing manie other infirmities and so they assured themselues that they vvould be able to doe also vvith mine That friend vvhome I mentioned to be in that House vvent vvith me for she vvas of yeares and in the Monasterie vvhere she liued they made no Vow of Clausure I stayd almost a yeare in that other place and during three moneths therof I suffred so excessiue torments by the manner of the Cure vvich was very rigorous that I know not how I vvas able to endure them and though I did endure them yet me thinkes it vvas not my Bodie vvhich could doe it as I vvil now declare This Cure vvas to be taken in hand in the beginning of Sommer and I vvent in the beginning of VVinter All this meane time I remained in the house of that Sister of vvhome I spoke before vvho dwelt in the Countrie because I vvas then neer the place and yet it vvas very troublesome to be going and coming to and fro VVhen I departed from that Vncle of mine vvhome I declared my selfe to haue visited in the vvay he gaue me a certaine Booke vvich is called The third A. B. C. which treats of the manner of Prayer with Recollection Now though in that first yeare I had read some good Bookes forbearing vtterly to looke vpon anie other for I was not ignorant of the hurt which such as those had donne me yet I knew not how to proceede in Prayer nor how to obtaine Recollection and so I was very glad of this Booke and determined to follovv that way to the vttermost of my power And since our Lord had already been pleased to bestow the guift of teares vpon me and since I delighted also in reading I beganne to spend some good fitts of time in solitude and to Confesse myself very often and in a word to addresse myself by that way esteeming that Booke to be my Maister For I could meet with no other Maister I meane a Ghostlie Father who was able to vnderstand me though I fought such an one almost twentie yeares after this time VVhich accident did me hurt enough towards the making me turne back often yea and for the making me loose myself But such an one would haue daily assisted me to lay aside and leaue those occasions which I tooke to offend Almightie God In these beginnings his Diuine Maiestie beganne to doe me so great fauours that at the end of the time when I remained there which was about nine moneths in this way of solitude though I were not so free from offending God as the Booke appointed which I neglected as holding it impossible to continue still so watchfull ouer myself I was carefull not to commit anie Mortall sinne and I would to God I had alwaies been so but of Venialls I made no great account and this was that in fine which destroyed me But our Lord began to regale me so much by this way that he vouchsafed me the favour to giue me Quiet Prayer and sometimes it came so farre as to arriue to Vnion though I vnderstood neither the one nor the other nor how much they both deserued to be prized But I belieue it would haue been a great deale of happines for me to haue vnderstood the certainty thereof True it is that this Vnion rested with me for so short a time that perhaps it might ariue to be but as of an Aue Maria yet I remained with so very great effects therof that with not being then so much as twentie yeares old me thought I found the whole world vnder my feet and so I remember well that I was wont to carrie great compassion towards such as followed the wayes of the world though it were but euen in lawfull things I Procured the best I could to carry our Lord who is our true Good still present with me and euen within me and this was the manner of my prayer If I thought vpon anie passage or Mysterie I represented it to the interiour of myself and other times I spent in reading good Bookes which was all the recreation that I had For God gaue not me the talent
sometimes not so soone And since of late I am growne able to receaue the B. Sacrament more often it proceeds from this that these vomits come to me at night before I goe to bed and they put me to much more paine and then I must procure to hasten and facilitate them by the vse of feathers and such other things because if I haue not those vomits the sicknes vvhich I feele is extreame But indeed I am me thinkes almost neuer without manie kindes of paine and sometimes they are very sharp ones and especially at my verie hart though yet withall it be also true that the cruel Palsie and other infirmityes of Feauers which were wont to come very thick vpon me are now found to oppress me more seldome so that manie times I am well in those respects and I haue made so little account of these miseries for these eight yeares togeather that sometimes I am euen glad I haue them as conceauing that our Lord may be peraduenture serued in some sort thereby This was my discourse And now my Father belieued that this which I told him heer was indeed the true cause of my omission for himself neuer vsed to lye and considering in what sort and of what matter I was then discoursing to him he had no reason to thinke but that I sayd true and to the end that he might belieue me the better I told him also then that I well saw my self not to be without some fault and that I had enough to doe to be able to assist in the Quire though yet in verie deed euen this reason of corporall sicknes was no sufficient cause to make me giue anie good thing ouer for there is no need of corporall strength for such things as these but only of loue and custome since our Lord affords vs alwaies opportunitie if we will ourselues I say alwaies because though infirmities and other occasions my hinder one sometimes from spending manie howers in Solitude yet there will not want some other time wherein we may haue health enough for this busines yea and euen in other occasions as also in the midst of sicknes it self the truest Prayer may be made since it is the Soule which loues by offering vp that paine to Almightie God and in remembring for whome it is endured and in conforming ones self to God's holie will therein and in a thousand such other things as will occurr And thus may one exercise Loue for there is no necessitie at all for a person either to be in Solitude or els that there must be no Mentall Prayer at all If we will take a little care we may arriue to obtaine great blessings at those times when our Lord euen takes time for Prayer from vs by meanes of our sicknesses and paine and my self had found this to be true as long as my Conscience was pure and good But my Father through the opinion which he held of me and the loue he bore me belieued all that I had sayd or rather he not only belieued but had also pittie of me though yet being then growne to find himself in so eminent and high a state of Spirituall Life he remained not with me very long And therefore hauing visited me he returned home as holding his stay there to be losse of time and I who was willing to spend it vpon other vanities was not troubled very much at his departure It was not only with him but with other persons also whome I procured that they should addict themselues to Mentall Prayer euen whilst I was walking on in those vanities for still as I found them apt to vse Vocall Prayer I told them how they should grow to haue the vse of Meditation and I did them good and gaue them Bookes for I had still a good desire that others should serue Almightie God euen from the verie first time that I vsed Mentall Prayer as I haue related heer It seemed to me that since now I serued not our Lord my self so well as I should yet I liked not that that light should be lost which his Diuine Maiestie had bestowed vpon me but that others might also serue him by my meanes And this I heer recount that so the great blindnes wherein I was may be the better seen which induced me to make me loose my self whilst yet I went procuring to doe good to others About this time my Father fell into the sicknes whereof he dyed shortly after But I went to attend and recouer him whilst my self was more sick in Soule then he was in Bodie through manie vanities of mine though yet not in such sort as that according to my vnderstanding I was in Mortall Sinne euen in all this worst wickedest time whereof I speake for certainly if I had conceaued otherwise I should by no meanes haue continued therin I endured some affliction and trouble in his sicknes and I thinke I also made him some part of poore amends for the paines which he had taken with me in mine for now being ill enough in my self I yet strained very hard to doe him seruice and besides I well considered that by the onlie losse of him all my comfort and regalo was to be lost for it all was shut vp in onlie him I animated my self also so much towards the not shewing him that I was in anie paine and in continuing so euen till he expired as if I had felt no trouble at all though yet it be very true that when I saw him come to be vpon the verie point to loose his life it seemed to me as if mine owne verie Soule had then been torne out of my Bodie for I loued him much It was a thing to make our Lord be highly praised to see the death which my Father dyed togeather with the desire which he also had to dye and the counsel which he gaue vs after he had receaued extreame Vnction and how he charged vs to recommend him to God and that we should begg mercie of him for his Soule and that we must serue him euer and consider that all this world must come to end With teares he also told vs how sad he was at the hart for not hauing serued his Diuine Maiestie better That he wished he were some Religious man I meane that he had been so and that of the most strict who were in the world And I hold it for very certaine that some fifteen dayes before our Lord gaue him to vnderstand that he was not to liue because before that verie time he did not thinke he was sick though yet he were so in good earnest But afterwards though he seemed to mend much in point of health and though the Doctours bad him belieue that there was no danger at all yet he made no account of that but only attēded to put his Soule in good order That sicknes of his beganne with a very grieuous paine round about his shoulders which neuer left him and sometimes it pressed him
that I should shed those teares did shew me fauour enough for his part since I forgot the sense and tendernes thereof so soone And I recommended my self to that glorious Saint that she might help me to obtaine pardon of my Sinnes But I conceaue that I profited the more in that last time vvhen I prayed before the Picture because then I vvas growne into very great distrust of my self and placed all my confidence in Almightie God To my thinking I told him then that I vvould neuer rise from thence till he granted me the humble Suite which I had made and I am fully of opinion that it did me good for I haue gone improuing much euer since that time Now I continued to hold this manner of Prayer because not being able to discourse with my Vnderstanding I procured to represent Christ our Lord to my minde as being then within my verie self and Ieuer also found it to proue better with me in my opinion when I conceaued my self to find him all alone For he being alone and I being so much afflicted me thought he was to admitt me yea and to assist me too as a person who was in necessitie and miserie Of this kind of Simplicities I had manie and in particular I vsed to find my self very well in the Prayer of the Garden yea and I was in my kingdome when I might accōpanie him there I thought also much vpon that Sweat togeather with the great affliction which he sustained then and I wished that I might haue been permitted to wipe that most painefull Sweat from his face but I remember how in fine I neuer durst resolue to presume to doe it so grieuously did my Sinnes represent themselues to me Howsoeuer I remained there by him as long as my thoughts would giue me leaue but the truth is I had store of such as tormented me Most nights during manie yeares before I went to rest and when I was recommending my self to God ere I slept I euer thought a little vpon this passage of his Prayer in the Garden and that euen before I was a Religious woeman for they told me that I might gaine manie Indulgences by it and at least I am of opinion that my Soule got much by this meanes because thus I beganne to make Mentall Prayer euen without expresly knowing what it was and then it was as vsuall for me not to omitt this custome as not to faile of blessing my self with the Signe of the Crosse before sleep But to returne to what I was saying of the torment which my thoughts were wont to giue me This māner of proceeding without discourse of the Vnderstāding hath this in it That the Soule must both gaine much and loose much I meane all consideration and discourse is lost for as for profiting they profit much who vse it since all such Prayer is Loue. But to ariue to this point pitch it will cost euerie bodie a great deale of paines except such as our Lord vouchsafes to conduct in a short time to Quiet Prayer of which kind I know some and for them who goe by this way it will be good to haue some Booke or other at hand that so they may recollect themselues quickly As for me it did me also good to looke vpon Fields or Flowers or Water for in these things did I find the memorie of our Creatour as I also did in mine owne ingratitude and Sinnes all which particulars were wont to awake me and recollect me and to serue me in stead of a Booke for as for Heauen and such high things as that my Vnderstāding was so dull that I could neuer I say neuer be able to haue or frame anie imagination or fancie concerning them till our Lord represented them to me by other meanes And I had so very little abilitie to represent things to my minde by way of the vnderstanding-part that my Imagination serued me not to worke vpon anie thing but only what I saw with mine eyes which yet others are able enough to doe who know how to forme certaine representations of things to themselues vpon which they can recollect their thoughts For my part I could only thinke vpon Christ our Lord as man but yet it is very true that how much soeuer I read of his Beautie or saw his Pictures yet could I neuer represent him to my self but iust so as one who were either in the darke or els stark blind might be able at that verie time to represent anie other person to himself For though such an one may speake with such another know that he is with that person because he is sure that the sayd person is there yet in fine he doth but vnderstand and belieue him to be there for he sees him not and in this sort did it happen to me when I thought of our Lord. Vpon this reason was I so great a friend and fauourer of the vse of Images or holie Pictures Miserable Creatures are they who loose this benefit through their owne fault And it appeares also well enough that they doe not loue our Lord for if they loued him they would be glad to see his Picture as heer it giues vs contentment so see the pictures of those persons whome we loue About this time they gaue me the Confessions of S. Augustin and it seems our Lord did so ordaine it for neither did I procure them nor had I euer seen them I bare a very great affection to this Saint because the Monasterie where I liued before I grew to be Religious was of his Order and besides in regard that he had been a Sinner for I alwaies found particular comfort in those Saints who after hauing been Sinners were conuerted to our Lord as conceauing that I should haue help by their meanes and that our Lord might also be induced to forgiue me as he had done them Saue only that I was discomforted by this consideration as I haue sayd before that our Lord called them but once and they returned not to fall from him anie more but as for me I had falne so often that it afflicted me to the verie hart But yet still when I considered the loue he bore me I grew to be encouraged againe for I neuer distrusted his mercie though I doubted of my self very often O my deare Lord how mightily doth that obstinate stiffnes amaze me to which my Soule must needs haue been subiect whilst it receaued so manie helps at thy hand and all in vaine And it strikes me with much feare to consider how little I was able to winne vpon my self all that while and how I remained still bound vp from resoluing to giue my self vvholy to thee But vvhen once I beganne to read the sayd Confessions me thought that Case vvhich had been his vvas also now directly mine owne and I recommended my self much to that glorious Saint But vvhen I came aftervvard to his Conuersion and read hovv he heard that Voice
choose for the helping of others though yet still it must be considered that this strength proceeds not from themselues But when once our Blessed Lord brings a Soule so neer himself as I haue shewed he goes by little and little communicating very great secrets to her And heer come the true Reuelations in this kind of Extasis and other great Fauours and Visions And all these things serue to make this Soule both more humble and more strong and to giue her grace to hold all kind of worldlie things in no account as also to know more clearly the greatnes of that reward which our Blessed Lord hath prouided for such as serue him I humbly befeech his Diuine Maiestie that the excessiue bountie which he hath vouchsafed to shew towards this miserable sinnefull Creature may proue some part of a motiue to make them who shall read this Discourse encourage and animate themselues to leaue all things yea euen absolutly all for Almightie God since his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to giue so compleat rewards For we see and that clearly enough what aduantages and Fauours and retributions he is pleased to allow euen in this life to such as serue him and what then will he be sure to doe for them in the next THE TWO AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER In vvhich she treats of hovv secure a vvay it is for persons vvho giue themselues to Contemplation not to raise-vp their Spirit to high things vnlesse our Lord raise them vp and that the Humanitie of Christ our Lord is in deed to be the meanes tovvards the highest Contemplation of all others She speakes also of an errour vvherein once she vvas This Chapter containes matter of much profit I Will heer declare a certaine thing which is in my opinion very important and if your Reuerence thinke fitt it may serue you for a word of aduise yea and perhaps you may grow euen to haue need therof I haue read in some Bookes written of Prayer which affirme that how soeuer the Soule is not able of it self to ariue to that State whereof I spake before because all that is Supernaturall which our Lord workes there yet she may be able forsooth to help her self therin by raising-vp her Spirit aboue all things created and that so she hauing raised it vp manie yeares togeather with humilitie and hauing first passed through the Purgatiue way and after that through the Illuminatiue they aduise in particular manner that men should separate and abstract themselues from all kind of imagination or reflection vpon corporeall things and that so they should be able to approach and reach the contemplation of the Diuinitie For they say that although it be euen the verie Humanitie it self of Christ our Lord yet is it of some impediment to such as proceed thus farre yea and that it hinders men from the most perfect kind of Contemplation For the making this Opinion good they alleadge that which our Lord sayd to his Apostles when himself was ascending-vp to Heauen of the coming of the Holie-Ghost downe vpon them which would not be accomplished till himself were retired out of their sight But for my part I am apt to conceaue that if they had then had that Liuelie Faith of our Lord 's being both God and Man which they had after the coming of the Holie Ghost his Corporall Presence would haue done them no hurt at all For he held no such discourse to his Blessed Mother though she loued him much more then they all But these men vse to alleadge this passage or place of Scripture because it seemes to them in regard that all this action of Prayer is a worke of Spirit that euerie Corporeall Obiect will be able to diuert and hinder it and that forsooth they must consider themselues after a manner which is totally independent vpon Creatures and that God is alike neer them on all sides and so to see themselues ingulfed in him is the thing which they should endeauour to obtaine Now this doth not displease me to be vsed at sometimes and in some cases but yet to denide our selues wholy from the person of Christ our Lord and to bring that Diuine Bodie of his into the account and companie of these miseries of ours or euen with all the rest of the whole created world I can by no meanes ondure and I humbly begg of his Diuine Maiestie that I may be able to giue my self to be vnderstood I will not yet put my self to contradict them because they are learned men and spirituall persons who faile not to know well what they say and it is also very true that it pleases Almightie God to carrie and conduct Soules by seuerall walkes and wayes as he did mine And now I will declare some particulars thereof for in the rest I will not interpose my self but only speake of the danger wherein I found I was because I conformed my self to what I had read I well beleiue that whosoeuer shall find himself to haue ariued to the State of Vnion and not to haue passed further on so farre as to haue Rapts and Visions togeather with such other Fauours as our Lord is wont to impart to Soules may hold that which is spoken of to be better as I also did But yet if I had continued therein I beleiue I should neuer haue ariued to that pitch wherein now I am For in my opinion it is an errour and deceipt though yet perhaps it may be my self who am the person deceiued yet I will relate what hapned to me Whilst I was in want of a Directour and the while went reading the Bookes afforesayd whereby I thought I grew to vnderstand somewhat by little and little I came indeed to find afterward that if our Lord had not been my teacher I should haue learnt very little by those Bookes For really it was nothing which I vnderstood till his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to make me know it by experience nor indeed did I know what I did But when afterward I came so farre as to haue some kind of Prayer which was Supernaturall I meane the Prayer of Quiet I procured to dismisse my self of all kind of Corporeall Obiects though yet I durst not goe raising and exalting my Soule For considering that I was alwaies so very wicked I saw that this was to be a great presumption in me But then I came to thinke that I felt a kind of Presence of Almightie God in me after a particular manner as indeed I did and I procured to recollect my self with him And this is a very sauourie and gustfull kind of Prayer if our Lord assist a Soule particularly therein and the delight of it is great and when both the profit and pleasure which it giues is once obserued by the Soule there could be then no meanes to make me returne againe to the Humanitie of Christ our Lord because in realitie of truth I conceiued that it was an impediment to me Othou Lord
lay vpon me And sometimes he tired me outright with asking me questions on the one side and making me some reproofe on the other and I had need of no lesse then all this so double and so weake a will I had He told me once that it was not to obey if withall I were not resolued to suffer and that I was to cast mine eyes vpon what he had been content toendure for me and that so the hardest things would become easie Another Ghostlie Father of mine to whome I was wont to Confesse my self in the beginnings gaue me once this aduise that since it had been found by tryall that the Spirit was good I should now carrie things in absolute silence and not giue notice thereof to anie Creature for that it was better to wrap-vp these kindes of things in that manner As for me I misliked not this for whensoeuer I was to declare them to my Ghostlie Father I grew to be so much troubled and conceiued my self to be so much affronted by it that I had much lesse difficultie to Confesse my greatest Sinnes And especially if I were to declare those highest Fauours which our Lord vouchsafed to impart I thought they were not likelie to beleiue it but to make a ieast and scorne of me But indeed I was cheifly troubled so much at it because it seemed to amount to a kind of irreuerence towards the wonders of Almightie God and for this reason I would haue been glad to conceale them But I quickly came to vnderstand how that Ghostlie Father had giuen me very ill aduise and that I was by no meanes to conceale anie thing from him who was to receiue my Confessions because there was much securitie for me to deale clearly with him and that if I proceeded otherwise I might perhaps fall into errour at one time or other Whensoeuer our Lord commanded me anie thing in my Prayer if my Ghostlie Father chanced to bid me doe otherwise our Lord would returne to command me to obey my Ghostlie Father and yet againe afterward his Diuine Maiestie would direct him to command me to doe that verie thing which our Lord himself had commanded me to doe before When once they tooke manie Bookes written in Spanish from me that I might not reade them I was much troubled at it for some of them serued me for recreation and now I was not able to reade them because there were none left there but in Latin But then our Blessed Lord sayd these words to me Be not troubled for I vvill giue thee a Liuing Booke I could not for my part vnderstand why this had been sayd to me for then I had neuer had Vision but within a little while after I vnderstood it very well for I haue had so much to thinke of and to recollect my self about concerning those things which I saw before me and our Blessed Lord hath shewed me so great loue as to instruct me by such a multitude of wayes that I haue had very little need of Bookes or rather in effect none at all for his Diuine Maiestie hath been that true Booke to me wherein I haue indeed seen Truths And now blessed be such a Booke as this which leaues that imprinted in the verie hart which is to be read yea and so as that it can neuer be forgotten Who can ouer see our Blessed Lord all couered-ouer with wounds and afflicted with persecutions of all kindes and yet not be contented to embrace them yea and to desire them and to loue them Who can see though but a very little of that Glorie which he giues to such as serue him and not come instantly to know that all that which we can possibly euer either doe or suffer heer is directly nothing since we hope for so high a reward He who sees the torments which the damned Soules of Hell endure how can he choose but esteem all the torments of this life to be a kind of delightfull thing in comparison of those others and how can he choose but know the mightie obligation which he hath to our Blessed Lord for hauing deliuered him so often out of that sad place But because I meane heerafter by the Fauour of Almightie God to speake more of some particular things of these kinds I now intend to declare the processe of mine owne Life and for the present I beseech Almightie God that I may haue knowne how to expresse my self in that which I haue sayd already I well beleiue that whosoeuer shall haue had experience will haue vnderstood me and will haue seen that I haue hapned vpon saying somewhat which is to the purpose but I shall not wonder a whitt if such as haue none shall conceiue that I haue been talking idly all this while It suffices me to say as I haue sayd that so I may remaine free from fault nor yet will I blame anie other who shall be of a different opinion Our blessed Lord giue me grace that I may neuer faile in fulfilling his holie will Amen THE SEAVEN AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She treats of another vvay hovv our Lord instructs a Soule and giues her to vnderstand his VVill after a very admirable manner vvithout anie speech at all She also declares a certaine Vision and great Fauour vvhich our Lord shevved her and this Vision vvas not Imaginarie This Chapter is very much to be noted BVt now returning to the Discourse or Historicall part of my Life I remained with much affliction and trouble but it was accompanied with manie prayers as I was saying which were made to our Lord that he would be pleased to conduct my Soule by some other way which might be more secure since they told me that the former was to be suspected Yet true it is that howsoeuer I begged it much of Almightie God yet considering how euidently my Soule was improued by the course which I held before I could neuer find it in my power to desire it hartily and home though yet still I did it in some sort vnlesse it were sometimes when I was euen distressed and all tyred out by the things which they sayd to me and by the frights into which they put me For now I was wholy growne to be another Creature and therefore I could not cordially desire it Only I put my self into the hands of Almightie God beseeching him that since he knew what was fittest for me he would be pleased to accomplish his holie Will in all things concerning me But now I saw plainly that by this way of mine which they suspected my Soule was euen carrying-vp to Heauen which formerly was dropping downe to Hell And why therefore should I desire that this course might be changed For as for beleiuing that it was of the Diuel it was not in my power euen to constraine my self to it though yet I did what I could to desire that I might be able to beleiue it but it was not as I sayd in my power I offered to
be neuer so much alone though yet I feele still that I know there is a God and I find also that it is my Imagination and my Vnderstanding which doe me so much hurt in these occasions and cafes for as for my Will me thinkes it stands right in me and that it is disposed to all goodnes But this Vnderstanding of mine is so entirely lost that it seemes to be no other thing then some furious and madd kind of Foole whome no bodie is able to bind nor am I so farre Mistresse thereof as that I can make it quiet for one Credo Sometimes I fall on laughing and yet then doe I know my miserie and stand looking vpon my Soule and permit her to doe what she will and yet our Lord be thanked she neuer by anie meanes applyes her self to anie thing which is ill but only about things which are indifferent if there be anie thing which may occurr to be done either heer or there or anie where els But thus I come to know better the incomparable mercie which our Lord is pleased to shew me vpon his tying-vp this madd foole when we are in perfect contemplation And heer I consider what would become of me if such persons as hold me now for good could discerne me to haue these idlenesses and impertinencies which I haue described heer But now I haue very great compassion of a Soule to find her in so ill companie as this I would faine see her rather in libertie and I expresse my self in this manner to our Blessed Lord When O my God shall I ariue to see my Soule all conioyned and vnited togeather in celebrating thy praise that so all the Powers thereof may admire thee Permit not heerafrer O Lord that she wander vp and downe by peices for now it seemes no otherwise then as if euerie one of the same Powers were running vp and downe in a seuerall way These things passe thus very often and I vnderstand also very well that sometimes the little corporall health I haue contributes much to these inconueniences I also reflect much by these occasions vpon the hurt which the Sinne of our First Parent hath done vs for me thinkes it is growne from thence that we are incapable to enioy so great a good and mine owne sinnes are a great part of the cause for certainly if I had not committed so manie I should haue remained more entire and free towards the doing of good I was subiect also by times to another very great inconuenience for conceauing that I vnderstood all the Bookes that treat of Prayer which I came to read and that already our Blessed Lord had done me some such kind of fauour as that I needed them not for this reason I did not read them but applyed my self to read the Liues of Saints And finding my self also very short in that wherein they had so heroically serued Almightie God this seemed to doe me good and giue me strength but yet me thought this was a signe of little humilitie for me to thinke that I was already ariued to hold that degree of Prayer And not being able to quiet my self otherwise I continued much in paine till certaine learned men and particularly that blessed Creature Fray pedro de Alcantara declared to me that I was not to be troubled at that I am not ignorant that in the seruing of Almightie God I haue not yet so much as begunne though yet the way which his Diuine Maiestie hath held in doing me Fauours is the same which he hath vsed towards such as are good whereas for my part I am no more then a direct downe-right meer imperfection vnlesse it be in my desires to loue him for in this indeed I see well that our Lord hath done me Fauour that so I may performe some little thing for him I confesse me thinkes I loue him but my actions and the manie imperfections which I discerne therein giue me great discomfort At other times my Soule falls into a kind of Foolerie for so it is when me thinkes I doe neither good nor ill but follow on after the walke of others folkes and this neither with paine nor glorie nor with thought of life or death nor gust nor trouble yea me thinkes she feeles nothing at all but rather seemes to me to walke on like some little Asse who seeds and sustaines himself because they giue him somewhat to eate and he eates almost without thinking what he is doing For the Soule when she is in this state is not likely to be without feeding vpon some great Fauours of Almightie God since she is not troubled with liuing in so miserable a life as this but passes through it with patience and equalitie of minde but yet these motions and effects are not found by her in such sort as that the Soule is made to vnderstand her self by them It seemes now also to me to be as when men saile at Sea by the breath of a sweet and gentle Winde for then we ridd much way though we scarce know how Whereas in those other conditions the effects are so very great that the Soule doth almost instantly discerne her owne improuement for instantly doe her desires boile vp and the Soule can neuer satisfye her self but they to whome Almightie God imparts such impetuosities of Loue doe find such operations as these This is like certaine little Springs which I haue obserued to rise and where the Sand neuer ceases to moue vpwards And this example and comparison of Soules which be ariued to this state seemes very naturall to me For Loue will be euer boyling vpward and considering and deuising about what it may be able to doe and can by no meanes be contained in it self as it seemes the water whereof I spake is not able to continue in the earth which still is casting it vp from thence And iust so is it very vsuall for the Soule not to be at quiet or in contentment with her self through the loue she beares to Almightie God but she is so bathed and soaked and filled with it that she wishes that others would drinke too since for her part she cannot want that so they might assist her to sing the praises of Almightie God O how often doe I call to minde that liuing Water whereof our Lord spake to the Samaritan as indeed I am very much deuoted to that Ghospell And really it is most true that I was so euen from my childhood though I did not then vnderstand this benefit as now I doe but I often besought our Lord to bestow of this Water vpon me and alwaies I had the Image or Figure of it at hand with this Motto or Word of hers when he was so neer the Well Domine da mihi hanc aquam O Lord bestovv this vvater vpon me It seemes also to me that as a Fire which is very great needs matter vpon which to worke to the end that it may not be extinguished So also for
may not happen to me as it did to Lucifer who lost all by his owne fault Doe not permit this O my Lord I humbly pray thee euen by all that which thou art for it is no small feare which I haue sometimes though yet at other times yea and vsually the mercie of Almightie God giues me a very confident hope that since he hath been pleased to draw me out of so manie Sinnes he will not forsake me so now as to let me be lost And this doe I humbly pray your Reuerence that you will euer desire in my behalfe But in the meane time me thinkes that those precedent Fauours were not so very great as this which I will now apply my self to relate and that for manie reasons manie blessings also and in particular for that great courage strēgth which haue still remained in me vpon that account And therefore if those former may be considered euerie one by it self this other which I am going to relate will be found to be so very great as that there will be no comparison at all between them I was one day and the same fell out to be vpon the Vigil of Pentecost or VVhitsontide after Masse and I went to a more remote place where I often vsed to pray and I beganne to read in a certaine Booke of this Feast which had been written by a Carthusian And meeting there with those signes which both Beginners and Proficients and Perfect Soules vse to haue and how they may come to vnderstand whether the Holie-Ghost doe inhabit their harts or no as soone as I had read these three States it seemed to me that Almightie God through his goodnes did not leaue or faile to be present with me after a particular manner for as much as I might be able to vnderstand And whilst I was praising his Diuine Maiestie for that blessing I remembred that I had read the same thing formerly when I wanted very much of that condition of minde and then I saw that I wanted it as plainly as now I vnderstand the direct contrarie concerning my self But thus I came to know the great Fauour which our Blessed Lord had done me and from thence I grew also to consider the Place which my Soule had deserued in Hell for my Sinnes and I gaue great praise to Almightie God in regard that now me thought my Soule was so extreamly changed that I could hardly almost conceaue it to be the verie self-same thing which it had been before Being then in this consideration there came a great impulse or impetuositie vpon me without my being able to vnderstand the occasion thereof Me thought my verie Soule had a minde to get instantly out of my Bodie for now she could not possibly containe her self any longer nor found she her self at that time to be able to stay anie longer heer in the painefull expectation of so great a Good Now this was so excessiue an impulse or impetuositie that I could not possibly tell euen what to doe with my self nor so much as what I ayled so extreamly was I growne to be in disorder And though I were sitting then yet was I not able euen to sitt and so I applyed my self a little to leane for I found that all my naturall forces began to faile me But perceauing my self to be in this case I saw a Doue vpon mine owne head but such a Doue as was very different from them of this world for she had not of our kind of feathers but the wings were as of certaine little shells which darred a huge splendour from themselues This Doue was much greater then any ordinarie Doue and me thought I heard a noise which she made with her wings for she was fluttering about the space of an Aut Maria. But my Soule was already in such condition that growing to loose her self she also lost the sight of the Doue My Spirit did then beginne to quiet it self vpon the entertaining of such a Guest as she had gotten though yet for my part I imagined that so wondrous an encounter and accident as that was might well haue disquieted and frighted it But she beginning already to enioy layd quickly all feare aside and togeather with the self same ioy grew to haue quietnes withall but yet still remaining in the Rapt Now the glorie of this Rapt was extreamly great and I remained during the most part of the whole Festiuitie of Pentecost so stunned and euen as it were besorted and befooled that I knew not what to dot with my self nor was I able by anie meanes to vnderstand how so high and great a Fauour as this was could possibly find a resting place in me I neither heard nor saw in effect by reason of the great excesse of my interiour ioy I vnderstood how from that day forward my Soule remained with a very great encrease of improuement by enioying a more sublime loue of Almightie God and that my vertues also had gained a great encrease of strength Now let him be blessed and praised for all eternities Amen I saw also at another time the same Doue vpon the head of a certaine Father of S. Dominick's Order saue that me thought both the beames and the brightnes of the verie wings did spread and extend themselues much further and it was giuen me then to vnderstand that he was to winne Soules to God Another time I saw our Blessed Ladie putting a white long Garment vpon the back of a certaine Graduate of the same Order of whome I haue spoken formerly diuerse times and she told me that she had giuen him that Mantle for hauing assisted in the Busines of this House and that his Soule should be defended and preserued for the future in such puritie as that he should not fall into Mortall Sinne. And I assure my self it proued so for he dyed within few yeares after yea and he did both line and dye with so great Per nance and sanctitie that there can be no doubt thereof for anie thing that we are able to vnderstand And a certaine Religious man who had been at his death told me that S. Thomas of Aquin had been with him and that he dyed both with great ioy and with desire also to be deliuered from this bannishment wherein he was Since that time he hath appeared to me in very much glorie and told me diuerse things He was a man of so great Prayer that when a little before he dyed he would gladly haue forborne the exercise thereof through his great weaknes he was not able to doe it for euen then he had manie Rapts He wrote to me a little before he dyed about what course I thought he were best to take for helpe because euer as soone as he had done Masse he vsed to fall into Rapts which would last long without his being able to forbeare them But our Lord gaue him at length the reward of the great Seruice he had done him during his whole life Of
in this Diamond it being such as that all things are shut-vp in it because there is nothing which can get out of that greatnes it was a thing extreamly to amaze me to be able to see in so very short a time so manie things togeather in this bright Diamond And so was it also matter of extreame compassion and greif for me euerie time that I remember my self to haue seen that things so very vglie and fowle as my sinnes were should be representted and shewed in that so clearnes of light And the truth is that whensoeuer I remember it I know not how it comes to be possible for me to endure it and I did really then remaine so extreamly out of countenance and ashamed that me thinkes I could not tell where to hide my head O that some Creature or other were able to giue this Truth to be well vnderstood by these people who commit dishonest filthie sinnes that so they might come to know that they are not secret and that Almightie God hath reason to be very sensible of those wrongs since they are acted so truly in the presence of his Diuine Maiestie and that we carrie our selues with so base irreuerence before him I saw heer also how iustly Hell is deserued for anie one Mortall Sinne because it is past our power to vnderstand what a most greiuous crime it is to commit it in the presence of so great a Maiestie and what an vnspeakable distance and dissimilitude is found between that which he is and that which our Sinnes are and how it appeares euen heerby so much the better how great his mercie is since notwithstanding he knowes all this he yet endures vs. It hath also made me consider that if such a Vision as this can leaue the Soule so extreamly astonished and amazed what kind of thing will the Day of Iudgement proue to be when this Maiestie of Almightie God will shew it self with all clearnes and so we shall also clearly see what kind of things our sinnes were which we committed against him O my deare God! what blindnes is this which hath seazed me And I haue often been amazed euen whilst I haue been writing this and your Reuerence need be amazed at nothing but how I am able euen to liue whilst I am looking both vpon these things and my self But let him be eternally blessed who hath vouchsafed to endure such things at my hands Being once in Prayer in very great recollection and with much quietnes and sweetnes me thought I was all emcompassed with Angells and very neer to Almightie God and I beganne to be an humble Suiter to his Diuine Maiestie for the benefit and aduantage of his Church And he gaue me to vnderstand the much good which a certaine Order should doe the world in these latter times and the great courage wherewith the Members thereof should defend and vphold the Catholique Faith Being once in Prayer neer the Blessed Sacrament there appeared to me a certaine Saint whose Order was in some decay He had a great Booke in his hands which he opened and willed me to read certains Letters in it which were very legible and large and they sayd thus In future times this Order shall flourish and haue manie Martyrs Another time being at Matins in the Quire six or seauen persons were represented and set before me and I held them to be of the same Order and they had Swords in their hands And I conceaue that I was giuen thereby to vnderstand that they should defend the Faith For being in Prayer another time and rapt in Spirit me thought I was in a very spauous feild where manie were who fought and they of this Order did also fight with great feruour They had their faces beautifull and much inflamed and they beate multitudes of men downe to the ground and killed others This battaile seemed to be giuen against Heretiques I haue seen this Glorious Saint diuerse times and he hath told me some things and giuen me thankes for the Prayers which I make for his Order and he hath promised that he will recommend me to our Blessed Lord. I specifye not the seuerall Orders heer least some should be offended at it and if our Lord shall thinke it conuenient he may declare them But euerie Order should procure and so should euerie particular man of euerie Order that in so great a necessitie as that wherein the Church is at this time they might be able to serue her For happie are those liues which may come to loose themselues vpon this occasion A certaine person desired me once to beg of Almightie God that I might vnderstand whether or no it would be for the Seruice of his Diuine Maiestie that he should take a Bishoprick I did so and our Lord made me this answer after I had Communicated VVhen he shall vnderstand vvith all clearnes and truth that true Dominion consists in possessing nothing he may take it then Giuing thereby to vnderstand that whosoeuer is to be a Prelate must be very farre from so much as desiring it and yet further from procuring it These Fauours and manie other also haue been and are still very ordinarily shewed by our Blessed Lord to this sinnefull Woeman which me thinkes are not very necesarie to be related since by those which are deliuered already my Soule togeather with the Spirit which our Lord hath giuen me may be vnderstood But let him be euer blessed who hath had so much care of me He told me once by way of comforting me that I must not afflict my self and this he did with most tender loue for that in this life of ours we could not possibly be alwaies after the same manner but that sometimes I would be in feruour and sometimes without it Sometimes with vnquietnes and temptations and Sometimes without them and in peace but that I must hope in him and feare nothing Being one day in thought and doubt whether it were not a kind of being tyed to Creatures to be glad to be with such persons as with whome I treat the busines of my Soule and to loue both them and others also whome I find to be the Seruants of Almightie God and to receaue comfort by being with them he told me that if when a man is dangerously sick the presence of a Phisitian seemes euen to restore him to health it would not be a vertue to forbeare to be glad of him and to loue him And what sayd he wouldst thou haue done if it had not been for such as they That he disliked not that conuersation should be held with such as were good but that my words must euer be well considered and holie and that so it would be rather profitable to me then hurtfull not to giue-ouer communication with them Now this imparted a particular comfort to me for sometimes it would seem to be a hauing too great a tye vpon creatures which made me once incline to giue-ouer the custome
high and abstracted Nature of the verie Contents of the Booke Partly through the great length of the Periods Partly through the multitude sometimes of Parenthesis euen in the same sentēce Partly through her forbearing to vse those Particles in the beginning of the said Sentences as namelie For But Yet Therefore and the like vvithout vvhich it is not alwayes so easie to discerne whether the Discourse be either continued or interrupted or ended and partlie cheiflie by the ill printing and vvorse pointing of all the Spanish Coppyes vvhich I could euer come to see All vvhich I am faine to alleadge by vvay of an humble excuse for vvhatsoeuer errour I may haue inuoluntarilie committed in this case But howsoeuer I heer present it to the glorie of Almightie God to the praise of this Excellent Saint and to the consolation of these Children of hers vvho are no lesse then a kind of counterpoise to the miserie of the times vvherein vvee liue But now as soone as I had translated the Worke a certaine vvise vvorthie man my freind tooke knowledge of it and desired mee by a verie earnest letter of his to vsher this Booke into the vvorld vvith a Preface of mine owne vvhich might open the Readers eye the more easilie to behold the Saint vvhen she followed and so also to giue some notice of her Children who are following her And though I alleadged my reasons why this might be lesse necessarilie done yet still he vrged me to it and so I made his Will mine owne and accordinglie shall speake a few of my thoughts I say some few of my thoughts For whosoeuer hath studied the person of the Glorious S. Teresa vvell vvill find so much to say as if he haue a minde to say all he may doe vvel not to beginne since it vvill neuer be in his power to make an end such a full sea is this excellent Saint of all perfection vvhich hath neither Bottome nor Brimme I vvill therefore say verie little of her heer and that shall cheiflie tend to let you see how highlie this Life vvich vvas vvritten by the Saint her selfe is authorised and hovv punctuallie it deserues to be beleiued forasmuch as may any vvay concerne the truth of the Historicall part thereof as also the excellencie of the Order vvhich she both Reformed and Erected But for the present you may first be pleased to consider that vvee find the Liues of Saints to be vvritten by three seuerall kindes of persons For some are deliuered by men who are onlie eminēt in the Historicall vvay and they deserue to be esteemed and beleiued for the merit of that worth which shall appeare vvhatsoeuer it fall-out to be The second sort is vvhen the Writers are not onlie vvorthie Men but are withall so great Seruants of Almightie God as to be acknowledged by the Christian vvorld for Saints as S. Athanasius vvho vvrote the Life of S. Anthonie S. Epiphanius of seuerall Prophets S. Hierome of S. Paul and S. Hilarion both of them Heremits S. Gregorie the Great of S. Bennet S. Bonauenture of the Humble and Admired S. Francis and the like who deserue a farre higher credit then the former in regard that the vvriters were Saints The Third is when Saints themselues vvrite their owne Liues as the Incomparable S. Augustin did a great part of his in the Diuine Booke of his Confessions vpon the excesse admiration wherein he vvas at the vnspeakable Mercie of Almightie God for remouing all the miseries of his Soule And the Relations of such Liues as these are incomparably of the most credit of all For first no bodie knowes so vvell vvhat passes concerning a man as himself And Saints are verie farre from saying anie thing vvhich is not exactlie true and especiallie if the Saints be such as that they be also endued vvith verie great naturall parts of Witt and Memorie and Iudgement forasmuch as concernes the Braine or Vnderstanding as they vvill be sure to be vvith Truth and Sinceritie Candour forasmuch as may concerne the Hart or Will For as these Morall parts vvill keep them from deceauing others so the Intellectuall vvill secure them from being deceaued themselues and vvill make them define and diuide and suspect and doubt and aske before they fullie resolue to beleiue much more before they vvill publish things to the vvorld And now as the Incomparable S. Augustin vvas called by the consideration of his owne great Sinnes and God's greater Mercies to declare his Life in the neuer enough admired Booke of his Confessions so also did the Glorious S. Teresa the self same thing in effect in this Booke but by direction of her Ghostlie Father Not yet that he did so much as incline her to publish her owne imperfections and sinnes nay rather he did the direct contrarie but onlie to declare her Forme of Prayer togeather vvith the Fauours vvhich our Lord imparted to her therein But novv she vpon that occasion vvould needs make her owne Processe in view of the World shew as incident to the rest hovv ill she had complyed vvith Almightie God from time to time And by this meanes doth she in effect vveaue that great peice of rich Cloth-of-gold and Tislue vvhich concernes almost the Historie of her vvhole Life and novv the same is hungout abroad to the vievv of the vvorld But yet amongst all the excellencies thereof there is one thing vvhich displeases manie vvorthie vvise holie men or at least vvhich pleases them lesse then the rest And it is that vvhensoeuer there is anie question at all of her self in order either to Vertue or Vice she vvould neuer trust her ovvne eyes though they vvere so cleare and good as the vvorld knovves but shee resolued to vvorke vvith Perspectiue-Glasses of different yea euen contrarie kindes For vvhen she described her Vertues she serued her self of a Diminishing-glasse which made them seem so little as to be no more then a kind of Nothing But on the other side when she gaue account of her Imperfections she vvould by no meanes know them by anie other name then of Vices and Sinnes because she tooke a Multiplying-Glasse to her self for feare least els those Mole-hills should not seem Mountaines Novv in the strength of this vvel-meaning and holie kind of errour which she incurred if anie errour may vvell deserue so indulgent a name she gaue her self too great scope if the Reader vvould needs take her at her vvord to violate her ovvne excellent fame by certaine too venturous dashes of her penn vvhich vvas driuen too too hastily on by the impulse of a kind of inordinate Humilitie In such sort as that if a bodie vvere disposed to trust his eyes alone vvithout his reason he might be easilie dravvne to passe a verie erroneous Iudgement vpon her Soule For she vvill tell you in tvventie places of this Booke What a grieuous Sinner she vvas What a multitude of great sinnes she had in her conceipt committed