you the other daie and I am much mistaken but I sawe you writing of verses In deede Mistrisse quoth I it is true vppon some certaine idle notes that I tooke out of my obseruation of certaine Creatures I wrote a fewe idle odde lines which I will committe vnto your kindenesse in secrete to make vse of which no sooner hadd shee taken and read it ouer but a heartie laughter and much thankes she tooke of me and told me she vvould reade them at nighte in her bedde but the booke put vp in her pocket vvith contented mindes in we go together passed avvaie the daie pleasantly and after supper the young gallant a neighbour hard by tooke his leaue of his mistris and avvaie leauing vs to fall to such fortunes as fell out Ar. Oh but I praie thee kinde wagge tell me some of thy verses Tid I will vpon a finicall Asse I wrote a kind of Epigramicall sonnet in this manner A dapper fellow that is fine and neate His hose well gartered and his Ruffes well set Without his picktoothe can not eate his meate Nor sit at Table where the clothe is wet Can talke of nothing but of daintie fare And thinke of nothing but of fashion Troubles his conscience but with little cares And yet will shew some idle passions Can smile and simper congey kisse the hand And cast a sheeps eie at a fie for shame And on the tiptoes of his honour stand When God he knowes it neuer knew his name What will this Gallant leaue vpon his graue He liu'd a Rascall and he died a knaue Ar. Good in trueth more I pray thee what was the next Tid The next was on a fool on a swaggering ruffe He that was gotten in a drunken fit Bred vp in brabbles and by shifting liues His Dad a Tinker and his Dam a Tit His portion nothing but what Fortune giues Studies no art but how to cheate and cosen To packe a Card or cleanly strike a Die Swears by the Elle anddrinketh by the douzen Talkes what he list and euery word a lie Bragges of his state ard ietts like Iack an Apes Weares no good cloths but of an others cost Gets some odd booties by vnhappy scapes Spends on the score and neuer paies his Hoste What will be said of him another daie God hath done well to take a knaue away Ar. Another honest wagge if thou louest me Tid I will and another and another to and as many as I can remember if you like them so well Ar. The more the better I pray thee out with them Tid I will vpon a shamfast clovvn in gaie clothes He that makes curtsie at a Ladies doore And blusheth at a clappe vpon the Cheeke And saies good morrowe Mistrisse and no more And weares his silken clothes but once a weeke Stoupes and goes backward when he makes a legge And saies forsooth at euery word is spoken And onely keeps his Maidenhead for Megge And in his hat will weare her true loues token Can not endure to tast a Cup of wine And loues the Browne loafe better then the white Will at the spending of a penny whine And alwaies goes to bed at Candlelight VVwat will be written on his worshippes Tombe Wo to the Bride that meets with such a Groome Vpon a churle that was a great vsurer A chuffe that scarce hath teeth to chew his meate Heare 's with deafe eares and sees with glassy eies Vnto his graue his path doth daily beate Or like a logg vpon his pallet lies Hath not a thought of God nor of his grace Speaks not a word but what intends to gaine Can haue no pitty on the poore Mans case But will the hart strings of the needy straine Cries not till death and then but giues a groane To leaue his siluer and his golden bags Then gaspes and dies and with a little moane Is lapped vp in a few rotten ragges What will this Clunchfist leaue vpon his graue Here lies the Carkasse of a wretched knaue Ar. Rightly hit more I pray thee Tid Vpon a cheating Companion He that was borne out of a Bastard race Betwixt a beggar and a Gentleman A filthy Carkasse and an ougly face And plaies the foole before Maid Marian Can seeme as sober as a Millers Mare And can not blush at any villany In euery Market shifteth for a share And sits himselfe for euery company Hath all the Cards vpon his fingers ends And keeps a knaue in store for many a tricke VVill be a traitor to his truest friends And liues not by the dead but by the quicke Vpon his Tombe what memory will passe Here lies the damnedst Rogue that euer was Ar. Oh filthy rascall it is pitty that he should come among good company but on I pray thee with some more Tid The next was vpon a Gull that for a little wealth was made a Gentleman of the first head which was thus He that is well conceited of his wit Because a knaue or foole doth flatter him And knowes not how to stand nor goe nor sit When in his garments he is gaie and trim Rides like the trey of Clubs betwixt two Clownes Ayealow doublet and a tawny hose Hath halfe ayeard of Land in two country townes And like a Hogge doth gruntle as he goes Weares a course stocking and a Holland Ruffe A Brooche and picktoothe in an old silke hat Lookes bigge at Beggars takes a iest in snuffe And in an alchonse spends he cares not what Of this great Gull what memory will passe He liu'd a Cockscombe and he died an asse Another vpon a Pander He that is hatcht out of a Cucker broode Betwixt a Kistrell and a Bagige kite Feedes all on offall and such filthy foode Is neither fit for feather nor for flight But in his teeth can closely keepe a ring And make a motion for a filthy matche Can beare the Bob while other play and sing And hath the craft to cloake and connicatche Can like a dogge lie sneaking at a doore And creepe and curtsie couche and bowe the knee And be a carier to a common store What will be said of such a swad as he Here lies a tronke of natures trechery A slaue that onely liu'd by lechery Ar. Some more I pray thee what was the next Tid Vpon a louing foole as you shall heare A foole that knowes not how to vse his eies But takes a picture for an Angells face And in his thoughts strange wonders will deuise To bring his wits into a pitteous case Matcheth the light with darknes heauen with hell Wisedome with folly Ignorance with wit And to himselfe will such fond fancies tell As neither are for wit nor reason fit But like a Madman mumbleth to himselfe His dainty Parnell hath no paragon But like an Ape sits sidling with an Elfe Till Lands and goods and life and all are gone What will some write that did his folly proue Here lies the foole that liu'd and died for loue The next was
vpon a prodigall Cockescomb that troubled all good company He that will strew his mony in the streetes Followes the dice and alwaies throwes at all Offers disgrace to euery Man he meetes Snuffes vp the Nose and swaggers for the wall Cares for no lawe and knowes not how to loue Makes sleepe and eating his soules paradice Will not put vp that may his patience moue Treads on a worm and braues a flight of flies Lookes a to side and swears at euery word Knits vp the Browes and sets his armes a strut Takes all mens tables laics his knife aboord And plaies the slouen with a filthy slut After his death what will befall his due Here lies the Captaine of the damned crue Ar. Good waggeries but hadst thou none of the feminine gender Tid Yes some one or two but no more Ar. I pray thee tell me them Tid I will the first was this vpon a fowle idle slut She that is neither faire nor riche nor wise And yet as proude as any Peacocks taile Mumpes with her lippes and winketh with her eies And thinkes the world of fooles will neuer faile Stands on her pantofles for lacke of shoos And idly talkes for want of better wit Will haue her will what euer so she loose And say her mind although she die for it Is Cosen germane to a iacke an Apes And sister to her Mothers speckled sowe Kin to a Codshead when he kindly gapes Aunt to an Asse and Cosen to a Cowe What will be saide of her so fit for no man Oh fie vpon her t was a filthy woman The next was vpon a cunning Tit as thus She that lookes fifteene thousand waies at once Makes twenty faces ere she dresse her head Studies for words to serue her for the nonce With idle trickes to bring a foole to bed Turnes vp the white of an ilfauoured eie Treads on her toes because her heeles are sore Splaies out her foote and holds her head awry And be ares her placket far enough before Speakes all in print and reads with a strange grace Writes like a scriuener like a Fidler sing Sits fourteen howrs a painting of her face And tries the vse of many a secret thing Of such a Minkes what memory will passe A cunning Ape will Cosen many an asse Ar. Pretily put on but I pray thee didst thou write none in commendation of some worthy Creature Tid Yes some two or three which you shall heare The first vpon a true souldier He that was well begot and truely bredde VVrought all with true stitche and both sides alike Hath not his fancie on vaine humors fed Eut finds the blisse that basenesse can not seeke Starts not to heare a Demiculucrin Nor feares to charge upon a stand of pikes Fights like a fury when his hand is in Shrinkes not the shoulder where the Coward strikes But loue a Trompet better then a pipe Prefers a March before a Moris daunce Reares a dead wound but as a little stripe And a coate armour for his cognisaunce Gets yet this good that when his bones be rotten His worthy fame will neuer be forgotten The next was of an honest man that tooke great pains for small profit and yet held vp the head As thus VVho beates his braines to write for no rewarde May breake his Pen and lay his paper by VVho serues for Grace and liues without regard May sigh and sob and grieue and mourne and die And yet againe since Heauen will haue it so Some shall haue wealth and other some haue woes Patience doth many passions ouergoe That are vntemperate spirits ouerthrowe Let him that can not liue then learne to die VVhat shall be shall be spight of death and hell They are but babies that will howle and crie Cowards that faint to bid the world farewell No fill the hearts with sorrow to the brinke A true bred spirit hath no power to sinke The next was vpon a merry honest fellow that was out of tune for his purse He that was gotten in a Christmasse night After a deale of mirth and merry cheere When Tom and Tib were in their true delight And hee lou'd her and she held him full deere Brought vpon plainnesse trueth and honesty Can not away to heare of Knauery Liues with his Neighbors in true amity And cares not for this worldly brauery Goes through the world with yea and nay and so And meddles with no matters of import When to his graue this honest man shall goe What will the world of all his worth report Here lies a man like hiues that haue no hony An honest Creature but he had no mony The last I wrote of my selfe which was this He that is moulded of a noble mind Purified mettall steele vnto the backe Flies not with fethers of a Buzzards kind Cries not with feare to heare a thunder cracke Sups vp his sighes and swallowes downe his griefe Begs but of God or of his greate vicegerents Can not endure to name the word reliefe And serues but honor or her loues adherents Knowes his desart and yet can not importune Bites on bare neede and yet laments no lacke Hates to be cald or thought the child of fortune Stoupes not to death vntill the heart do crack Liues like himselfe and at his latest breath Dies like himselfe ye though he starue to death Ar Starue saist thou no it is pitty that such a spirit should haue such a fortune howsoeuer it stand with thee bee thus far bold with me liue with me share with my fortunes I protest I will want of my mind ere thou shalt want that thou needest but with many thanks for thy kind verses discourses I pray thee tell me what followed of thy fortunes with thy Mistris Tid I will tell you after she had taken my Table book and perused such trifles as shee founde well Seruante quoth shee I see you are a wagge but it is no matter I must tell you in plaine termes I know som of them deserued as much as you haue written but letting al these toies passe let me tel thee the loue I bear thee with the truth I haue foūd in thee haue made me so much thine that I am no more my owne in token hereof receiue from me this diamond for that I know not how thou art furnished for mony take here this purse of golde to defray such charges as may fall vpō you for your good besides here is a pair of bracelets which you shal wear for my sake in the morning be stirring early for I mean to be at the Church hereby ioyning to my house there to make fast that knot that shall neuer be vndone so let vs go in and passe away the time as friends but no further in the eie of the world for it shall be best to my content that the care be priuately caried till our comfort be not to be crossed with these words as it were ouercom with ioy with willing consēt
your horses are stabled your seruants shall be merry and their Master not malcontent returne you must not till you heare from your Mistrisse for such was her commaund and therefore I pray you haue patience my mistrisse apparelled like a young man but with a Periwigge and a false Bearde comes vppon the soddaine as wee were entering into the greate Chamber and presentes mee with a Letter from my Mistrisse the superscription in this manner To my trusty seruant my louing Master and approoued friend Tidero with speede pardon mee to perswade you to that may perhappes displease you to lacke my presence for your better benefite for I leaue you a hearte that deerelie loues you and a hand of honour I saie that in her fauoure maie grace you shee is another and not my selfe beleeue her trust her and Loue her and I will thanke you for her for her seruant is my friend consider of these contents and in her command make my contentment so till I see you which shall be I know not when in hope of your kindnes to my friend I will rest euer Your very louing friend Lamia This Letter when I had read and knew it to bee her hand what tricke soeuer was in her head I presently tooke a pen and inke and returned the messenger with this answer To my gratious Mistris my louing seruant and faithfull friend the Lady Lamia with speede LAdy is it the part of a friend to perswade falshood in Loue your presence is the Sun of my daylight your absence the darknes of delight I seeke no benefite but your loue nor can loue other then your only selfe disgrace be all worlds grace but in your eies nor will I honour a heart but in your hands your self vvithout an other I serue and you only and no other can I loue and therefore hovvsoeuer you account of a friend I vvill neuer be false to my affection so till I see you vvhich if it be neuer yet vvhile you liue vvill I loue you euer and so rest Your faithfull friend Tidero This letter sealed deliuered avvay goes the messenger vvhispering vvith the yong Lady a vvord or two to entertain me with a little talke till shee were gotten in and new attired which was not long a dooing for by the time that we had heard a little musique of a prettie lad that did plaie vpon a base violl and sing to it the song was scarce ended but in comes my loue my Mistrisse attired like a horse woman that had bin new dismounted and with a prety smile after shee had saluted many at last comes to me with what Friend in truth you are welcom did you not receiue a letter from me yes good friend quoth I a couple In deed friend quoth she you are beholding to me for had it not bin discurtesie to bid a friende to dinner and not giue him entertainment I had not come againe so soone but if I had not com you should haue had no great cause to mislike of your company but I hope it is wel in trueth you are welcom you shall stay with me to night to morrow go as soon as you wil good friend quoth I I thank you you shall command a greater matter in my seruice So after a few complimēts we sate down to dinner where there wanted no part of comfort that might be found in Table kindnes as welcome caruing and drinking and so forth But after dinner was done Ar. Yea now you com to the matter that I long to heare of Tid I will tell you after the cloath was taken away my Mistris began to entertain the company vvith these vvords In generall hoh you are all vvelcome you that come from a feast can better beare vvith a lesse pittāce but vvhat lacks in meat let vs fill out in mirth and first quoth she to her Page Sirra take your viole and plaie and sing the song that was taught you of Loue which commanded was soon obeied and thus performed the Boy taking his instrument fell to play sing this ditty which I will recite vnto you for I got it out of his book Of all Conceites which is the best Loue. Yet what is that is thought a iest Loue. What thought is that giues smallest rest Loue. Yet in the end makes reason blest Loue. What wound is that is hardly healed Loue. What deed is that is surest sealed Loue. What thought is sweetest best concealed Loue. What comfort kindest best reuealed Loue. What word is sweetest to be heard Loue. What soundly made can not be mard Loue. What seruice merits most reward Loue. What grace is worthy most regard Loue. What Loue most constant in a friend Where Loue is louely without end Well said Boie quoth she now goe your waies to dinner Let vs alone and now my masters quoth she doe but imagine ye are at a Bridall and let vs bee as merrie as we were there let vs fall to some sport or other play maie be costlie musique we shall haue enough anon therefore let vs spend a little time in some pleasing exercise I will begin to you whereto euery one giuing a willing consent she began thus we haue been at yeas and noes griefes and ioies let vs now goe to Buts one propound another answer the Third giue the reason Beautie is a blessed hue 2 But 3 it workes manie cursed actions then another monie is a good thing 2 But 3 it brings many to miserie Again vertue is honourable 2 But 3 somtime she wants mony Againe Loue is pretious 2 But 3 if it be right Againe kindnesse is the ioye of loue 2 But 3 in constancy then qd I loue is the ioy of life 2 But quoth the second in a true friend quoth my Mistris Again patience is a vertue 2 But 3 a poor one another hope is comfortable 2 But 3 when it is happy Content is a kingdome 2 But 3 in conceite As we were going on with our Buts comes in a gallant youth wel accompanied and attended who as it afterwards fell out was a Suter to the young Lady that to trie my constancie came about me with a trick of loue or rather wit indeed to find out the trueth or falshood of a louer wherupon the company rose and after al obseruances of due compliments he with his yong Lady and I with my Mistris fell to such parlee as we thought best for our purpose he in the Parlour and wee in the garden where what followed you shall heare Ar. Good I doubt not Tid Good indeed and better to for after that we had walked a turne or two shee reuealing of her deuise to try the constancy of my affection tooke all thinges so well and requited them so kindly as honour could desire that Loue might enioye but by the waie among other talke I praie thee friend quoth Shee do me this kindnesse for to lend me your little Table book in your poeket for I did a little ouerlooke