beautious building After awhile leaue off his busie buying â—et all the while he liues but like a hilding â—is head growes gray with fresh vexations toyling â—ell Cosmus I beleeue your heire doth smile â—o thinke what you will doe after awhile For sure the Prouerbe is more true then ciuill Blest is the sonne whose Sire goes to the Diuell 49 Of neate Galla. THe pride of Galla now is growne so great She seekes to be surnam'd Galla the neat But who their merits shall and manners scan May thinke the terme is due to her good man Ask you Which way Methinks your wits are dull My Shoomakes resolue you can at full Neats Leather is both Oxe-hide Cow and Bull. 50 Of reuersing an error I Did you wrong at least you did suppose For taxing certaine faults of yours in Prose But now I haue the same in Ryme reherst My error nay your error is reuerst 51 Of good Sauce I Went to suppe with Cinna tother night And to say true for giue the diuell his right Though scant of meat we could a morsell get Yet there with store of passing sauce we met You aske what sauce where pittance was so small This Is not hunger the best sauce of all 52 Of a slaunder ON Lesbya Lynus raysed had a slander For which wheÌ„ as she thought to take an actioÌ„ Yet by request she tooke this satisfaction That being drunke his tongue did idly wander Came this from Viderit vtilitas Or else from this In Vino veritas 53 Of a Lady early vp LEsbya that wonted was to sleepe till noone This other morning stirring was at fiue What did she meane thinke you to rise so soone I doubt we shall not haue her long aliue Yes neuer feare it there is no such danger It seemes vnto her course you be a stranger For why a dauncing banquetting and play And at Carowsing many a costly cup She sate the night before vntill t was day And by that meane you found her early vp Oh was it so why then the case is cleere That she was early vp and ne're the neere The end of the third Booke Sir IOHN HARRINGTONS Epigrams the fourth Booke 1 To an ill Reader THe verses Sextus thou doost read are mine But with bad reading thou wilt make theÌ„ thine 2 In lectorem inuidum WHo reades our verse with visage sowre and grim I wish him enuy me none enuy him 3 Of Table friends YOu thinke his faith is firme his friendship stable Whose first acquaintance grew but at your Table â—e loues your venison snytes quailes larks not you â—ake me such fare and take my friendship too 4 The Authour to his wife of partition SOme Ladies with their Lords diuide their state And liue so when they list at seuerall rate But I 'le endure thee Mall on no condition To sue with me a writ of such partition Twice seuen yeeres since most solemnly I vow'd With all my worldly goods I thee endow'd Then house plate stuffe not part but all is thine Yet so that thou and they and all are mine Then let me goe and sue my writ of dotage If I with thee part house or close or cottage For where this is my Lords and that my Ladies There some perhaps think likewise of their babieâ— 5 Of Treason TReason doth neuer prosper what 's the reason For if it prosper none dare call it Treason 6 Of the warres in Ireland I Prays'd the speech but cannot now abide it That war is sweet to those that haue not try'd it For I haue prou'd it now and plainely see 't It is so sweet it maketh all things sweet At home Canarie wines and Greeke grow lothsome Here milke is Nectar water tasteth toothsome There without bak't rost boyld it is no cheere Bisket we like and Bonny Clabo heere There we complaine of one reare rosted chicke Heere viler meat worse cookt ne're makes me sicke At home in silken spaâ—uers beds of Downe We scant can rest but still tosse vp and downe Heere I can sleepe a saddle to my pillow A hedge the Curtaine Canopy a Willow There if a child but cry oh what a spite Heere we can brooke three larums in one night There homely roomes must be perfum'd with Roses Here match and powder ne're offends our noses There from a storme of raine we run like Pullets Heere we stand fast against a showre of bullets Lo then how greatly their opinions erre That thinke there is no great delight in warre But yet for this sweet warre I le be thy debter I shall for euer loue my home the better 7 Of Women learned in the tongues YOu wisht me to a wife faire rich and young That had the Latine French and Spanish tongue I thank't and told you I desir'd none such And said One Language may be tongue too much Then loue I not the learned yes as my life A learned mistris not a learned wife 8 The Author to his wife of the twelue Signes how they gouerne MArke here my Mall how in this dozen lines Thus placed are the twelue celestiall Signes And first the Ram beares rule in head and face The stiffe-neckt Bull in neck doth hold his place And Twins mine armes and hands do both imbrace Then Cancer keepes the small ribs and the brest And Leo back and heart hath aye possest Then Virgo claimes the entrailes and the panch Libra the nauell reynes and either hanch Scorpio pretends power in the priuy parts Both thighes are pierst with Sagitaries darts Then Capricorne to knees his force doth send Aquarius doth to legges his vertue lend Pisces beneath vnto the feet discend Thus each part is possest now tell me Mall Where lies thy part in which of these In all In all content Yet sure thou art more iealous Of Leo's part and Scorpio's then their fellowes 9 Against Swearing IN elder times an ancient custome was To sweare in weighty matters by the Masse But when the Masse went downe as old men note They sware then by the crosse of this same grote And when the Crosse was likewise held in scorne Then by their faith the common oath was sworne Last hauing sworne away all faith and troth Only God dam'n them is their common oath Thus custome kept decorum by gradation That losing Masse Crosse Faith they find damnation 10 Of little pitie WHen noble Essex Blount and Danuers died One saw them suffer that had heard them tried And sighing said When such braue souldiers dye Isâ—t not great pitie thinke you No said I There is no man of sense in all the citie Will say 'T is great but rather little pitie 11 Of a Booke called the Gentle Craft I Past this other day through Pauls Church-yard And heard some reade a booke and reading laught The title of the booke was Gentle Craft But when I markt the matter with regard A new-sprung branch that in my minde did graft And thus I said Sirs scorne not him that writ it A gilded blade hath oft a
THE MOST ELEGANT AND WITTY EPIGRAMS OF Sir Iohn Harrington Knight DIGESTED INTO FOVRE Bookes Three vvhereof neuer before published Fama bonum quo non foelicius vllum LONDON Printed by G. P. for Iohn Budge and are to be sold at his shop in Paules Church-yard at the signe of the Greene Dragon 1618. THE EPISTLE TO ALL Readers that Epigrams must bee read attentiuely that Legere non intellegere est negligere WHen in your hand you had this Pamphlet caught Your purpose was to post it ouer speedie But change your minde and feede not ouer-greedy Till in what sort to feede you first be taught Suppose both first and second course be done No Goose Porke Capon Snites nor such as these But looke for fruit as Nuts and Parma-cheese And Comfets Conserues Raisons of the Sunne Then taste but few at once feede not too fickle So shall you finde some coole some warme some biting Some sweet in taste some sharpe all so delighting As may your inward taste and fancie tickle But though I wish Readers with stomacks full Yet fast nor come not if your wits be dull For I had liefe you did sit downe and whistle As reading not to reede So ends th' Epistle TO THE RIGHT HONORABLE GEORGE MARques Buckingham Viscount Villeirs Baron of Whaddon Iustice in Eyre of all his Maiesties Forrests Parks and Chases beyond Trent Master of the Horse to his Maiestie and one of the Gentlemen of his Maiesties Bedchamber Knight of the most Noble order of the Garter and one of his Maiesties most Honourable Priuie Councell of England and Scotland Most Honoured Lord THis posthume book is furnished vvith worth but it wanteth a Patron A worthier theÌ„ your â—elfe the Booke could not find nor your Lordship a more patheticall Poet to Patronize If in Poetry Heraldry were admitted he would be found in happinesse of wit neere allied to the great Sydney yet but neere for the Apix of the Coelum Empyrium is not more inaccessable then is the height of Sydneys Poesy which by imagination we may approch by imitation neuer attaine to To great men our very syllables should be short and therfore I make my Conclusion a Petition That your Lordshippes acceptation may shew how much you fauor the noble Name and nature of the Poet and Booke VVhich deigned by your Lordshippe I shall thinke my paines in collecting and disposing of these Epigrams well placed and euer rest Your Lordships most bounden seruant I. B. Sir IOHN HARRINGTONS Epigrams the first Booke Against MOMVS 1 That his Poetrie shall be no fictions but meere truths SCant wrate I sixteene lines but I had newes Momus had found one fault past all excuse That of Epistle I the name abuse No gentle Momus that is none abuse Without I call that Gospel that ensues But read to carpe as still hath been thine vse Fret out thine heart to search seeke sift and pry Thy heart shall hardly giue my pen the ly 2 Against Sextus a scorner of Writers OF Writers Sextus known a true despiser Affirmes that on our writings oft he lookes And confesseth he growes ne're the wiser But Sextus where 's the fault not in our bookes No sure t is in your selfe I le tell you wherefore Bookes giue not wisedome where was none before But where some is there reading makes it more 3 Against Lesbia both for her patience and impatience LEsbia I heard how ere it came to passe That when old Pâ—leus call'd thy Lord an Asse You did but smile but when he cald him Oxe Straight-waies you curst him with all plagues pox There is some secret cause why you allow A man to scorne his braine but not his brow 4 Of a poynted Diamond giuen by the Author to his wife at the birth of his eldest sonne DEare I to thee this Diamond commend In which a modell of thy selfe I send How lust vnto thy ioynts this circlet sitteth So iust thy face and shape my fancies fitteth The touch will try this Ring of purest gold My touch tries thee as pure though softer mold That metall precious is the stone is true As true as then how much more precious you The Gem is cleare and hath nor needes no foyle Thy face nay more thy fame is free from soile â—oule deem this deare because from me you haue it â— deem your faith more deer because you gaue it This pointed Diamond cuts glasse and steele Your loues like force in my firme heart I feele But this as all things else time wasts with wearing Where you my Iewels multiply with bearing 5 Against Writers that carpe at other mens bookes THe Readers and the Hearers like my bookes But yet some Writers cannot them digest But what care I For when I make a feast I would my Guests should praise it not the Cookes 6 Of a young Gallant YOu boast that Noble men still take you vp That wheÌ„ they bowle or shoot or hawke or hunt In Coach or Barge on horse thou still art wont To runne ride row with them to dine or sâ—p This makes you scorne those of the meaner sort And thinke your credit doth so farre surmount Whereas indeed of you they make no count But as they doe of hawkes and dogges for sport Then vaunt not thus of this your vaine renowne Lest we both take you vp and take you downe 7 To my Lady Rogers the Authors wiues mother how Doctor Sherehood commâ—nded her house in Bathe I Newly had your little house erected In which I thought I had made good conueiance To vse each ease and to shunne all annoyance And prayd a friend of iudgement not neglected To view the roomes and let me know the faults He hauing view'd the lodgings staires and vaults Said all was excellent well saue here and there You thinke he praysd your house No I doe sweare He hath disgrac'd it cleane the case is cleere For euery roome is either there or here 8 Of Lesbia a great Lady LEsbia doth laugh to heare sellers and buyers Cald by this name Substantiall occupyers Lesbia the word was good while good folke vsd it You mard it that with Chawcers iest abusd it But good or bad how ere the word be made Lesbia is loth perhaps to leaue the trade 9 Of one that begd nothing and had his sute granted WHen thou dost beg as none begs more importunate And art deny'd as none speeds more infortunate With one quaint phrase thou doost inforce thy begging â—y mind vnto thy suite in this sort egging â—las sir this T is nothing once deny me not â—ell then for once content henceforth bely me not Your words so wisely plaste doe so inchaunt me Sith you doe nothing aske I nothing graunt yee 10 Another of asking nothing SOme thinke thee Lynus of a Fryer begotten For still you beg where nothing can be gotten Yet oft you say for so you haue been taught â—ir grant me this t is but a thing of nought And when indeed you say so I
Seld they displease their husbands to their end Alwaies to please them well they doe intend Neuer in them one shall finde shrewdnes much Such are their humors and their grace is such 34 To my Lady Rogers GOod Madame in this verse obserue one point That it seemes the Writer did appoint With smoothest oyle of praise your eares to noynt Yet one his purpose soone may disappoint For in this verse disparting but a point Will put this verse so clearely out of ioynt That all this praise will scant be worth a point 35 To her Daughter vpon the same point reading the same verse with another point DAmes are indude with vertues excellent What man is he can proue that they offend Daily they serue the Lord with good intent Seld they displease their husbands to their end Alwaies to please them well they doe intend Neuer in them one shall find shrewdnesse much Such are their humors and their graces such 36 MY Mall the former verses this may teach you That som deceiue some are deceiu'd by showes For this verse in your praise so smooth that goes With one false point and stop did ouer-reach you And turne the praise to scorne the rimes to prose By which you may be slanderd all as Shrowes And some perhaps may say and speake no treason The verses had more rime the prose more reason 37 Comparison of the Sonnet and the Epigram ONce by mishap two Poets fell a-squaring The Sonnet and our Epigram comparing And Faustus hauing long demurd vpon it Yet at the last gaue sentence for the Sonnet Now for such censure this his chiefe defence is Their sugred taste best likes his likresse senses Well though I grant Sugar may please the taste Yet let my verse haue salt to make it last 38 Of an accident of saying grace at the Lady Rogers who vsed to dine exceeding late Written to his wife MY Mall in your short absence from this place My selfe here dining at your mothers bord Your little sonne did thus begin his grace The eyes of all things looke on thee ô Lord And thou their foode doost giue them in due season Peace boy quoth I not more of this a word For in this place this Grace hath little reason When as we speake to God we must speake true And though the meat be good in taste and season This season for a dinner is not due Then peace I say to lie to God is treason Say on my boy saith shee your father mocks Clownes and not Courtiers vse to goe by clocks Courtiers by clocks said I and Clownes by cocks Now if your mother chide with me for this Then you must reconcile vs with a kisse 39 Of Don Pedro and his Poetry SIr I shall tell you newes except you know it Our noble friend Don Pedro is a Poet. His verses all abroad are read and showne And he himselfe doth sweare they are his owne His owne t is true for he for them hath paid Two crownes a Sonnet as I heard it said So Ellen hath faire teeth that in her purse She keepes all night and yet sleepes ne're the worse So widdow Lesbia with her painted hide Seem'd for the time to make a handsome bride If Pedro be for this a Poet cald So you may call one hairie that is bald 40 A comfort for poore Poets POets hereafter for pensions need not care Who call you beggers you may call them lyers Verses are growne such merchantable ware That now for Sonnets sellers are and buyers 41 Against a foolish Satyrist I Read that Satyre thou intitlest first And layd aside the rest and ouer-past And sware I thought that th' author was accurst That that first Satyre had not been his last 42 An Epitaph in commendation of George Turberuill a learned Gentleman WHen rimes were yet but rude thy pen endeâ—uoreâ— To pollish Barbarisme with purer stile â—heÌ„ times were grown most old thy heart perseuered â—incere iust vnstaind with gifts or guile â—ow liues thy soule though froÌ„ thy corps disseuered â—here high in blisse here cleare in fame the while To which I pay this debt of due thanks-giuing My pen doth praise thee dead thine grac'd me liuing â—3 To the Queenes Maiestie when shee found fault with some particular matters in Misacmos Metamorphosis O Read Soueraign take this true though poore excuse Of all the errors of Misacmos Muse 〈◊〉 hound that of a whelpe my selfe hath bred â—nd at my hand and table taught and fed When other curres did fawne and flatter coldly â—id spring and leape and play with me too boldly For which although my Pages check and rate him Yet stil my self doth much more loue theÌ„ hate him â—4 To the Ladies of the Queenes Priuy-chamber at the making of their perfumed priuy at Richmond The Booke hanged in chaines saith thus FAire Dames if any tooke in scorne and spite Me that Misacmos Muse in miâ—th did write 〈◊〉 satisfie the sinne loe hâ—re in chaines â—or aye to hang my Master he ordaines â—et deeme the deed to him no derogation But doome to this deuice new commendation Sith here you see feele smell that his conueyance Hath freed this noysome place from all annoyance Now iudge you that the work mock enuie taunt Whose seruice in this place may make most vaunt If vs or you to praise it were most meet You that made sowre or vs that make it sweet 45 To Master Cooke the Queenes Atturney that waâ— incited to call Misacmos into the Starre-chamber but refused it saying he that could giue another a Venâ—e had a sure ward for himselfe THose that of dainty fare make deare prouision If some bad Cookes marre it with dressing euill Are wont to say in iest but iust derision The meat from God the Cookes came froÌ„ the diuell But if this dish though draffe in apparision Were made thus sawst a seruice not vnciuill Say ye that taste and not digest the Booke The Dee'le go with the meat God with the Cooke 46 Against Lynus a Wryter that found fault with the Metamorphosis LYnus to giue to me a spightfull frumpe Said that my writings sauourd of the Pumpe And that my Muse for want of matter takes An Argument to write of from the Iakes Well Lynus speake each Reader as he thinks Though thou of Scepters wrat'st and I of sinks Yet some will say comparing both together My wit brings matter thence thine matter thither 47 Of Garlick to my Lady Rogers â—F Leckes you like and doe the smell disleeke Eate Onions and you shall not smell the Leeke 〈◊〉 you of Onions would the sent expell â—ate Garlick that will drowne th'Onyons smell But sure gainst Garlicks sauour at one word I know but one receit what 's that go looke 48 A dish of dainties for the Diuell A Godly Father sitting on a draught To doe as need Nature hath vs taught â—umbled as was his manner certaine prayers â—nd vnto him the Diuell straight repaires â—nd boldly to reuile him he begins â—lleaging
authors wiues Mother â—F I but speake words of a pleasing sound Yea though the same be but in sport and play â—ou bid me peace or else a thousand pound â—uch words shall worke out of my childrens way When you say thus I haue no word to say â—hus without Obligation I stand bound â—hus wealth makes you command hope me obay â—ut let me finde this true another day â—lse when your body shall be brought to ground Your soule to blessed Abrahams bosome I. May with good manners giue your soule the lye 2 Of the Bishopricke of Landaffe A Learned Prelate late dispos'd to laffe Hearing me name the Bishop of Landaffe You should say he aduising well hereon Call him Lord Aff for all the land is gone 3 Of Don Pedro's Dyet drinke DOn Pedro drinkes to no man at the boord Nor once a taste doth of his cup affoord Some thinke it pride in him but see their blindnesse I know therein his Lordship doth vs kindnesse 4 Of Leda and Balbus LEda was Balbus queane yet might shee haue denide it She weds him now what meanes hath Leda left to hide it 5 Of Cinna his Gossip cup. WHen I with thee Cinna doe dine or sup Thou still do'st offer me thy Gossips cup And though it sauour well and be well spiced Yet I to taste therof am not enticed Now sith you needs will haue me cause alledge While I straine curt'sie in that cup to pledge One said thou mad'st that cup so hote of spice That it had made thee now a widdower twice I will not say 't is so nor that I thinke it But good Sir pardon me I cannot drinke it 6 Of Leda's Religion MY louely Leda some at thee repining Askt me vnto what sect thou art inclining Which doubts shall I resolue among so many Whether to none to one to all to any Surely one should be deem'd a false accusant That would appeach Leda for a Recusant Her fault according to her former vsing Was noted more in taking then refusing For Lent or Fasts she hath no superstition For if she haue not chang'd her old condition Be it by night in bed in day in dish Flesh vnto her more welcome is then Fish Thou art no Protestant thy fals-hood saith Thou canst not hope to saue thy selfe by faith Well Leda yet to shew my good affection I le say thy sect is of a double section A Brownist louely browne thy face and brest The Families of Loue in all the rest 7 That fauorites helpe the Church OF late I wrote after my wanton fashion That fauourites consume the Churches rents But mou'd in conscience with retraction I le shew how sore that rashnes me repents For noting in my priuate obseruation What rents and schismes among vs dayly grow No hope appeares of reconciliation By helpe of such as can or such as know My Muse must sing although my soule laments That Fauorites increase the Churches rents 8 Of Cinna his courage PVre Cinna saith and proudly doth professe That if the quarrell he maintaines be good No man more valiant is to spend his bloud No man can dread of death of danger lesse But if the cause be bad he doth confesse His heart is cold and cowardly his moode Well Cinna yet this cannot be withstood Thou hast but euill lucke I shrewdly gesse That biding whereas brawles are bred most rife Thou neuer hadst good quarrell all thy life 9 Of a Lawyer that deseru'd his fee. SExtus retain'd a Sergeant at the Lawes With one good Fee in an ill-fauor'd cause The matter bad no Iudge nor Iury plyent The verdit clearely past against the Clyent With which he chaft and swore he was betray'd Because for him the Sergeant little said And of the Fee he would haue barr'd him halfe Whereat the Sergeant wroth said Dizzard Calfe Thou would'st if thou hadst wit or sence to see Confesse I had deseru'd a double Fee That stood and blushed there in thy behalfe 10 Of Don Pedro. A Slaue thou wert by birth of this I gather For euer more thou sai'st my Lord my Father 11 Against Lynus a writer I Heare that Lynus growes in wondrous choller Because I said he wrote but like a scholler If I haue said so Linus I must grant it What ere I speake thy scholler-ship concerning I neuer thought or meant that thou hast learning But that hereof may grow some more recitall I 'le teach thee how to make mee full requitall Say thou to breed me equall spight and choller Misacmos neuer writes but like a scholler 12 Of Don Pedros bonds DOn Pedro cares not in what bonds he enter Then I to trust Don Pedro soone will venter For no man can of bonds stand more secure Then he that meanes to keepe his paiment sure 13 Against Cayus that scorn'd his Metamorphosis LAst day thy Mistris Cayus being present One hapt to name to purpose not vnpleasant The Title of my mis-conceiued Booke At which you spit as though you could not brooke So grosse a Word but shall I tell the matter Why If one names a Iax your lips doe water There was the place of your first loue and meeting There first you gaue your Mistris such a greeting As bred her scorne your shame and others lafter And made her feele it twenty fortnights after Then thanke their wit that make the place so sweet That for your Hymen you thought place so meet But meet not Maids at Madam Cloacina Lest they cry nine moneths after Helpe Lucina 14 Against an Atheist THat heau'ns are voide that no gods there are Rich Paulus saith and all his proofe is this That while such blasphemies pronounce he dare He liueth here in ease and earthly blisse 15 Of Cosmus heyre WHen all men thought old Cosmus was a dying And had by Will giu'n thee much goods lands Oh how the little Cosmus fell a crying Oh how he beates his brests and wring his hands How feruently for Cosmus health he pray'd What worthy Almes he vow'd on that condition But when his pangs a little were allayd â—nd health seem'd hoped by the learn'd Physicion Then though his lips all loue and kindnesse vanted His heart did pray his prayer might not be granted 16 Of Faustus a stealer of Verses I Heard that Faustus oftentimes reherses To his chaste Mistris certaine of my Verses â—n which with vse so perfect he is growne â—hat she poore foole now thinkes they are his owne â— would esteeme it trust me grace not shame â—f Dauis or if Daniel did the same â—or would I thanke or would I quarrell pike â— when I list could doe to them the like â—ut who can wish a man a fowler spight â—hen haue a blinde man take away his light A begging Theefe is dangerous to my purse A baggage Poet to my Verse is worse 17 Misacmos of himselfe MVse you Misacmos failes in some endeuour Alas an honest man 's a Nouice euer Fie but a man 's disgrac'd noted a Nouice Yea
money Giues more then ten pence for an Alborne Coney 55 Of hearing Masse MEn talking as oft times it comes to passe How dangerous 't is now to heare a Masse A valiant Knight swore for a thousand pound He would not present at a Masse be found A Noble Lord stood by and hearing it Said Sir I then should much condemne your wit For were you found and follow'd ne're so nearely You gaine nine hundred pound vpward clearely 56 Of a Preacher that sings Placebo A Smooth-tong'd Preacher that did much affect To be reputed of the purest sect Vnto these times great praises did afford That brought he said the sunne-shine of the Word The sunne-shine of the Word this he extold The sunne-shine of the Word this still he told But I that well obseru'd what slender fruits Haue growne of all their preaching and disputes Pray God they bring vs not when all is done Out of Gods blessing into this warme sunne For sure as some of them haue vs'd the matter Their sunne-shine is but moone-shine in the water 57 Of the naked Image that was to stand in my Lo Chamberlaines Gallery ACtaeon guiltlesse vnawares espying Naked Diana bathing in her bowre Was plagu'd with horns his dogs did him deuoure Wherefore take heede ye that are curious prying With some such forked plague you be not smitten And in your foreheads your faults be written 58 Of the same to the Ladies HEr face vnmask't I saw her corps vnclad No vaile no couer her and me betweene No ornament was hid that beauty had I blusht that saw she blusht not thâ—t was seene With that I vow'd neuer to care a rush For such a beauty as doth neuer blush 59 Of Don Pedroe's threats DOn Pedro thinkes I scorne him in my Rime And vowes if he can proue I vse detraction Of the great scandall he will haue his action I that desir'd to cleere me of the crime When I was askt said No my Lord I haue not Then sweare said he Not so my Lord I cannot Since that I neuer heard newes of this action Wherefore I thinke he hath his satisfaction 60 Against brauery WHen Romane Mutius had in countrey quarrell The seruant killed to the Masters terror What time his eye deceiu'd with rich apparell Did cause his hand commit that happy error The King amaz'd at so rare resolution Both for his safety and his reputation Remou'd the fire and stay'd that execution And for his sake made peace with all his Nation Perhaps it is from hence the custome springs That oft in Court Knâ—ues goe as well as Kings 61 Of Leda's vnkindnesse FAire Leda late to me is growne malicious At all my workes in prose or â—erse repining â—ecause my words she saith makes men suspitious â—hat she is to the Puritâ—nes inclining Leda what ere I said I did suspect Thou wert not pure enough in one respect 62 Of an Abbot that had beene a good fâ—llow AN Abbot that had led a wanton life And cited now by deaths sharpe Sumner sicknesse â—elt in his soule great agony and strife His sinnes appearing in most hideous likenesse The Monkes that saw their Abbot so dismaid â—nd knew no lesse his life had beene lasciuious â—et for his finall comfort thuâ— they said â—hinke not deare Sir we will be so obliuious â—ut that with fasting and with sacred ringing â—nd prayer we will for yoâ— such grace attaine â—hat after requieâ—â— and some Diâ—ges singing â—ou shall be freed from Purgatories paine Ah thankes my sonnes said he but all my feare Is onely this that I shall ne'râ— come there 63 Against Cinna a Brownist that saith he is sure to be saued IF thou remaine so sure of thine election As thou said'st Cinna when we last disputed That to thy soule no sinne can be imputed That thy strong Faith hath got so sure protection That all thy faults are free from all correction Heare then my counsell to thy state well suted It comes from one that beares thee kinde affection 'T is so infallible that no obiection There is by which it may be well confuted Leaue Cinna this base earth with sinne polluted And to be free from wicked mens subiection And that the Saints may be by thee saluted Forsake wife friends lands goods worldly pelfe And get a halter quickly and goe hang thy selfe 64 To Master Bastard a Minister that made a pleasant Booke of English Epigrams THough dusty wits of this vngratefull time Carpe at thy booke of Epigrams and scoffe it Yet wise men know to mix the sweet with profit Is worthy praise not onely void of crime Then let not enuy stop thy veine of Rime Nor let thy function make thee shamed of it A Poet is one step vnto a Prophet And such a step as 't is no shame to clime You must in Pulpit treat of matters serious As best beseemeâ— the person and the place There preach of Faith Repentance hope and grace Of Sacraments and such high things mysterious But they are too seuere and too imperious That vnto honest sports will grant no space For these our minds refresh when those weary vs And spurre out doubled spirit to swifter pace The wholesom'st meates that are will breed sacietie Except we should admit of some varietie â—n musike notes must be some high some base And this I note your Verses haue intendment Still kept within the lists of good sobrietie To worke in mens ill manners good amendment Wherefore if any thinke such verse vnseasonable Their Stoicke mindes are foes to good societie And men of reason may thinke them vnreasonable â—t is an act of vertue and of pietie To warne vâ— of our sinnes in any sort In prose in verse in earnest or in sport 65 Of a kinde vnkinde Husband A Rich old Lord did wed a rich yong Lady Of good complexion and of goodly stature And for he was of kinde and noble nature He lou'd to see her goe as braue as may be A pleasant Knight one day was so presumptuous To tell this Lord in way of plaine simplicitie 'T is you my Lord that haue this worlds felicitie To haue a Dame so yong so sweet so sumptuous Tush said the Lord but these same costly Gownes With Kirtleâ— Câ—rknets plague me in such sort That euery time I â—aste of Venus sporâ— I will be sworne cost me one hundred Crownes Now fie Sir said his wife where is your sence Though 't is too true yet say not so for shame For I would wish to cleere me of the blame That each time cost you but a hundred pence 66 Of Galla's goodly Petiwigge YOu see the goodly hayre that Galla weares 'T is certain her own hair who would haue 〈◊〉 She sweares it is her owne and true she sweares For hard by Temple-barre last day she bought it So faire a haire vpon so foule a forehead Augments disgrace and showes the grace is borrowed 67 Of Master Iohn Dauies Booke of Dancing To himselfe WHile you the Planets all doe
vs follow still the Apostles lore Apostata's thou follow'st euermore They bid refresh the poore with Almes-deedes Thou rauish dost the poore with all misdeedes They promist ioyes eternall neuer wasting You merit noyes infernall euerlasting 18 Of Sheepe turned Wolues WHen hearts obdurate make of sin an habitâ— High frowning Nemesis was wont to senâ— Beares Lions Wolues and Serpents to this end To spoyle the coasts whereso good folke inhabite Now since this age in habite and in act Excels the sinnes of euery former age No maruaile Nemesis in her iust rage Doth like or greater punishment exact And for this cause a cruell beast is sent Not only that deuoures and spoyles the people But spares not house nor village Church nor Steeplâ— And makes poore widdowes mourn Orphants lameÌ„â— You muse perhaps what beasts they be that keep Such beastly rule as seld was seene before T is neither Beare nor Lyon Bull nor Bore But Beasts then al these beasts more harmeful sheâ—â— Loe then the mystery from whence the name Of Cotsold Lyons first to England came 19 Of Lynus borrowing WHen Lynus meets me after salutations Courtsies and complements and gratulations He presseth me euen to the third deniall â—o lend him twenty shillings or a royall But of his purpose of his curtsie fayling He goes behind my backe cursing and rayling Foole thy kind speeches cost not thee a penâ—y And more foole I if they should cost me any 20 Of one Master Carelesse WHere dwels Mr. Carelesse Iesters haue no dwelling Where lies he in his tongue by most mens telling Where bords he there where feasts are fouÌ„d by smelling Where bites he all behind with all men yelling Where bides the man oh sir I mist your spelling â—ow I will read yet well I doe not wot â—ut if that I to him shall point his lot In Shot-ouer at Dogs-head in the pot For in that signe his head oft ouer-shot 21 Against Momus in praise of his dogge Bungey BEcause a witty Writer of this time Doth make some mention in a pleasant rime Of Lepidus and of his famous dogge Thou Momus that dost loue to scoffe and cogge Prat'st amongst base companions and giue'st out That vnto me herein is meant aflout Hate makes thee blinde Momus I dare be sworne He meant to me his loue to thee his scorne Put on thy enuious spectacles and see Whom doth he scorne therein the dogge or mee The Dogge is grac't compared with great Bankes Both beasts right famous for their pretty prankes Although in this I grant the dogge was worse He onely fed my pleasure not my purse Yet that same Dogge I may say this and boast it He found my purse with gold when I haue lost it Now for my selfe some fooles like thee may iudge That at the name of Lepidus I grudge No sure so farre I thinke it from disgrace I wisht it cleare to me and to my race Lepus or Lepos I in both haue part That in my name I beare this in mine heart But Momus I perswade my selfe that no man Will deigne thee such a name English or Roman I le wage a But of Sack the best in Bristo Who calles me Lepid I will call him Tristo 22 Of Faustus NOw Faustus saith long Epigrams are dull Lowt Larks are lothsom wheÌ„ ones panch is fulâ— Yet whom the short doe please the long not weary I wish them neuer weary euer merry 23 Of summum bonum WHile I of summum bonum was disputing Propounding some positioÌ„s som confuting â—ld Sextus sayes that we were all deluded â—nd that not one of vs aright concluded â—nowledge sayth he is only true felicity â—traightwayes a stranger askt me in simplicity â— Sextus learned no quoth I by this light â—hen without light how iudgeth he so right He doth but ayme as poore men vallew wealth The feeble value strength the sicke man health 24 To Mall to comfort her for the losse of her Children â—Hen at the window thou thy doues art feeding Then thinke I shortly my Doue will be breeding â—â—ke will loue like and so my liking like thee 〈◊〉 I to doues in many things can like thee â—oth of you loue your lodgings dry and warme â—oth of you doe your neighbours little harme â—oth loue to feede vpon the firmest graine â—oth for your liuings take but little paine Both murmur kindly both are often billing Yet both to Venus sports will seeme vnwilling Both doe delight to looke your selues in Glasses You both loue your own houses as it passes Both fruitfull are but yet the Doue is wiser For though she haue no friend that can aduise her She patiently can take her young ones losse Thou too impatiently doost beare such crosse 25 Of the excuse of Symony CLerus I heare doth some excuse alledge Of his and other fellowes sacriledge As namely that to some against their wills That men are bound to take the lesse of ills That they had rather no man need to doubt Take Liuings whole then such as his without And therefore we must lay this haynous crime Not vnto them forsooth but to the time Alas a fault confest were halfe amended But sinne is doubled that is thus defended I know a right wise man sings and beleeues Where no Receiuers are there be no Theeues 26 In commendation of Master Lewkeners sixt description of Venice Dedicated to Lady Warwick 1595. LO here 's describ'd though but in little roome Faire Venice like a Spouse in Neptunes armes For freedome emulous to ancient Rome Famous for counsell much and much for Armes Whose stories earst written with Tuscan quill Lay to our English wits as halfe conceal'd Till Lewkners learned trauaile and his skill In well grac'd stile and phrase hath it reueald Venice be proud that thus augments thy fame England be kind enricht with such a Booke Both giue due honor to that noble Dame For whom this taske the Writer vnder-tooke 27 Of one that gaue a Benefice A Squire of good account affirm'd he went A learned man a Liuing to present But yet that Squire in this did breake no square He purposed thereof to keepe a share â—o set two sonnes to schoole to make them Clarks He doth reserue each yeere an hundred markes Ah said the Priest this card is too too cooling I set your sonnes nay they set me to schooling 28 Of Faustus fishing WIth siluer hooke Faustus for flesh was fishing But that game byting not vnto his wishing He said he did being thus shrewdly matcht Fish for a Roach but had a Gudgen catcht Faustus it seemes thy luck therein was great For sure the Gudgen is the better meat Now bayt againe that game is set so sharpe That to that Gudgen thou mayst catch a Carpe 29 To his friend Of his Booke of Aiax YOu muse to find in me such alteration That I that may denly to write was wont Would now set to a Booke so desperate front As I might scant defend by incitation My Muse that time did need a strong
fairest wind top and top gallant Hath she of late been courted by some Gallant No sure How then Galla hath quaft a gallon 60 In Cornutum A Thais no Diana thou didst wed For she hath giuen to thee Acteons head 61 Of Paulus a Flatterer NO man more seruile no man more submisse Then to our Soueraigne Lady Paulus is He doth extoll her speech admire her feature He calls himselfe her vassall and her creature Thus while he dawbes his speech with flatteries plaster And calls himselfe her â—laue he growes our Master Still getting what he list without controle By singing this old song re mi fa sol 62 Of Lynus an ill ghest ASke you what profit Kew to me doth yeeld This Lynus there I shal see thee but seeld â—or where good ghests may take a cottage gratefull There such as thou do make a Palace hatefull 63 Against Pius Quintus that excommunicated Queene Elizabeth ARe Kings your Foster-Fathers Queens your nurses Oh Roman Church Then why did Pius Quintus With Basan bulls not like one pius intus Lay on our sacred Prince vnhallowed curses It is not health of soules but wealth of purses You seek by such your hell-denouncing threats Oppugning with your chaire our Princes seats Disturbing our sweet peace and that which worse is You suck out blood and bite your Nurses teats Learne learne to ask your milk for if you snatch it The nurse must send your babes pap with a hatchet 64 Of finding a Hare A Gallant full of life and voyd of care Asked his friend if he would find a Hare He that for sleepe more then such sports did care Said Goe your waies and leaue me here alone Let them find Hares that lost them I lost none 65 Of Merit and Demerit A Knight and valiant seruitor of late Playn'd to a Lord and Councellor of State That Captaines in these dayes were not regarded That onely Carpet Knights were well rewarded For I saith he with all my hurts and maimes Get not the recompence my merit claimes Good Cousin said the Lord the fault is yours Which you impute vnto the higher Powers â—or where you should in Pater noster pray Giue vnto vs our daily bread to day Your misdemeanors this petition needs Our trespasses forgiue vs and misdeeds 66 Of Faustus Esquire FAustus for taking of a wrong possession Was by a Iustice bound vnto the Session The Cryer the Recognizance doth call â—austus Esquire come forth into the Hall Out said the Iudge on all such foolish Cryers Diuels are Carpenters where such are Squires 67 Of Peleus friendship WHen Peleus is brought vp to London streets By Proces first to answer waighty sutes Oh then how kind he is to all he meets How friendly by their names he them salutes Then one shall haue a Colt of his best race â—nother gets a warrant for a Buck â—ome deeper brib'd according as their place May serue his turne to worke or wish good luck But when his troubles all to end are brought By time or friendly paines on his behalfe Then straight as if he set vs all at nought His kindnes is not now so much by halfe Sith then his suites in Law his friendship doubles I for his friendships sake could wish him troubles 68 Of inclosing a Common A Lord that purpos'd for his more auaile To compasse in a Common with a rayle Was reckoning with his friend about the cost And charge of euery reule and euery post But he that wisht his greedy humour crost Said Sir prouide you posts and without fayling Your neighbors round about wil find you rayling 69 The Author to his wife of too much stomack LAte hauing been a fishing at the Foord And bringing home with me my dish of Trouts Your minde that while did cast some causelesse doubts For while that meat was set vpon the boord You sullen silent fed your selfe with powts I twice sent for you but you sent me word How that you had no stomack to your meat Well I fear'd more your stomack was too great 70 A witty choice of a Country fellow A Rich Lord had a poore Lout to his ghest And hauing sumptuous fare and costly drest â—aru'd him a wing of a most dainty Bird â—ffirming seriously vpon his word Those birds were sent him from his louing cosen â—nd were well worthy twenty markes a dozen â—e that for such great dainties did not care â—â—id I like well your Lordships courser fare For I can eat your Beefe Pig Goose and Cony But of such fare giue me my share in mony 71 To a great Magistrate in Re and in Spe. THose that for Princes goods do take some paine Their goods to whoÌ„ of right all paines we owe â—eeke some reward for seruice good to gaine Which oft their gracious goodnesse doth bestow I for my trauell begge not a reward I begge lesse by a sillable a Ward 72 A comparison of a Booke with Cheese OLd Haywood writes proues in some degrees That one may wel compare a book with cheese 〈◊〉 euery market some buy cheese to feed on At euery mart some men buy bookes to read on All sorts eate cheese but how there is the question The poore for food the rich for good disgestion All sorts read bookes but why will you discerne The foole to laugh the wiser sort to learne The sight taste sent of cheese to some is hateful The sight taste sense of bookes to some's vngrateful No cheese there was that euer pleas'd all feeders No booke there is that euer lik't all Readers 73 A Scottish verse ROb. Will. and Dauy Keepe well thy Pater noster and Aue And if thou wilt the better speed Gang no further then thy Creed Say well and doe none ill And keepe thy selfe in safety still 74 To beggers of Bookes MY friend you presse me very hard my bookes of me you craue I haue none but in Pauls Church-yard for mony you may haue But why should I my coyne bestow such toyes as these to buy 〈◊〉 am not such a foole I trow forsooth no more am I. 75 In Paulum Athaium PRoud Paulus led by Sadduces infection Doth not beleeue the bodies resurrection But holds them all in scorne and deepe derision That talke of Saints or Angels apparision And saith they are but fables all and fansies Of Lunaticks or folkes possest with frensies â— haue saith he trauell'd both neere and farre By land by sea in time of peace and warre â—et neuer met I spirit or ghost or Elfe Drought as is the phrase worse then my selfe â—ell Paulus this I now beleeue indeed That who in all or part denyes his Creed Went he to sea land hell I would agree A Fiend worse then himselfe he could not see 76 Of double Fraud A Fellow false and to all fraud inured In high Starchamber court was found periured And by iust sentence iudg'd to lose his eares A doome right fit for him that falsly sweares Now on the Pillory while he
dudgeon haft And well I see this writer roues a shaft Neere fairest marke yet happily not hit it For neuer was the like booke sold in Poules If so with Gentle Craft it could perswade Great Princes midst their pompe to learne a tradâ— Once in their liues to worke to mend their souleâ— 12 Of the games that haue beene in request at the Court. I Heard one make a pretty Obseruation How games haue in the Court turn'd with the fashion The first game was the best when free from crime The Courtly gamesters all were in their prime The second game was Post vntill with posting They paid so fast 't was time to leaue their boasting Then thirdly follow'd heauing of the Maw A game without Ciuility or Law An odious play and yet in Court oft seene A sawcy knaue to trump both King and Queene Then follow'd Lodam hand to hand or quarter At which some maids so ill did keep the Quarter That vnexpected in a short abode They could not cleanly beare away their load Now Noddy follow'd next as well it might Although it should haue gone before of right At which I saw I name not any body One neuer had the knaue yet laid for Noddy The last game now in vse is Bankerupt Which will be plaid at still I stand in doubt Vntill Lauolta turne the wheele of time And make it come about againe to Prime 13 The Author to Queene Elizabeth in praise of her reading FOr euer deare for euer dreaded Prince You read a verse of mine a little since â—nd so pronounst each word and euery letter â—our Gracious reading grac't my verse the better â—ith then your Highnes doth by gift exceeding Make what you read the better in your reading Let my poore Muse your paines thus far importune To leaue to read my verse and read my fortune 14 Of King Henries wooing VNto a stately great outlandish Dame A Messenger from our King Henry came â— Henry of famous memory the eight â—o treat with her in matter of great weight â—s namely how the King did seeke her marriage â—ecause of her great vertue and good carriage â—he that had heard the King lou'd change of pasture â—â—pli'de I humbly thanke the King your Master And would such loue his fame in me hath bred My body venter so but not my head 15 Two witty answers of Bishop Bonner BOnner that late had Bishop beene of London Was bid by one Good morrow Bishop quondam He with the scoffe no whit put out of temper Reply'd incontinent Adieu knaue Semper Another in such kinde of scoffing speeches Would beg his tippet needs to line his breeches Not so quoth he but it may be thy hap To haue a foolish head to line thy cap. 16 Of Lynus borrowing LYnus came late to me sixe crownes to borrow And sware God damn him hee 'd repai't to morrow I knew his word as currant as his band And straight I gaue to him three crownes in hand This I to giue this he to take was willing And thus he gaind and I sau'd fifteene shilling 17 A good answere of the Poet Dant to an Atheist THe pleasant learn'd Italian Poet Dant Hearing an Atheist at the Scriptures iest Askt him in iest which was the greatest beast He simply said he thought an Elephant Then Elephant quoth Dant it were commodious That thou wouldst hold thy peace or get thee hence Breeding our Conscience scandall and offence With thy prophan'd speech most vile and odious Oh Italy thou breedst but few such Dants I would our England bred no Elephants 18 Of Quintus almes WHen Quintus walketh out into the street As soone as with some begger he doth meete Ere that poore soule to aske his almes hath leasure He first doth chafe and sweare beyond all measure And for the Beadle all about he sends To beare him to Bridewell so he pretends The Begger quickly out of sight doth goe â—ull glad in heart he hath escaped so Then Quintus laughes and thinks it is lesse charges To sweare an oath or two then giue a larges 19 Of Marcus his drunken feasting WHen Marcus makes as oft he doth a feast The Wine still costs him more then all the rest Were water in this towne as deare as hay His horses should not long at liuery stay â—ut tell me is 't not a most foolish tricke â—o drinke to others healths till thou be sicke â—et such the fashion is of Bacchus crue â—o quaffe and bowze vntill they belch and spue Well leaue it Marcus else thy drinking health Will proue an eating to thy wit and wealth 20 A good iest of a Crow A Baron and a Knight one day walking On Richmond greene as they were in talking A Crow that lighted on the raile by Fortune Stood becking and cry'd kaw with noise importune This bird the Baron said doth you salute Sir Knight as if to you he had some sute Not vnto me the Knight reply'd in pleasance 'T is to some Lord he makes so low obeysance 21 Of kissing the foote A Courtier kinde in speech curst in condition Finding his fault could be no longer hidden Went to his friend to cleere his hard suspition And fearing lest he might be more then chidden Fell to a flattering and most base submission Vowing to kisse his foote if he were bidden My foote said he that were too submisse But three foote higher you deserue to kisse 22 Of a sawcy Cator A Cator had of late some wild-fowle bought And when vnto his Master them he brought Forthwith the Master smelling nigh the rump Said Out thou knaue these sauour of the pump The man that was a rude and sawcy Lout What Sir said he smell you them thereabout Smell your faire Lady there and by your fauour Your fortune may meete with a fulsome sauour 23 Of a certaine Man THere was not certain when a certaine preacher That neuer learn'd and yet became a Teacher Who hauing read in Latine thus a Text Of erat quidam homo much perplext He seem'd the same with study great to scan In English thus there was a certaine man But now quoth he good people note you this He saith there was he doth not say there is For in these daies of ours it is most certaine Of promise oth word deed no man is certaine Yet by my text you see it comes to passe That surely once a certaine man there was But yet I thinke in all your Bible no man Can finde this text there was a certaine woman 24 Of Lesbia OLd widdow Lesbia after husbands fiue Yet feeleth Cupids flames in her reuiue And now she takes a gallant youth and trim Alas for her nay nay alas for him 25 The horne Cinquâ—-apace WHo wishes hopes and thinks his wife is true To him one horne or vnicorne is due Who sees his wife play false and will not spy it He hath two hornes and yet he may deny it The man that can indure when all men scorne And pardon open