noyse Vnto whose song the trumpett soe dus plaie As tweene them both they rauishsence a waie Soe sweet's the musike which doe followe warrs That Cyties daunce and capers to the starrs Satire 73. PRoudus th' art not soe far as I can see In outward shewe what inward thou maist bee Although th' art all in raggs yet I doe finde Vnder those raggs a whole Emperiall minde Fewe big-fast Lordes push of Lordes what doe I prate Fewe Kinges cann looke soe bigg as thou of late In faith but I 'me to bould hadst thou but pelfe Speake great-smale-man what would'st thinke on thy selfe A man a Earthly man noe thoughts would breede Thou wert engendrâ—d of some heaunlie seed I faith but tell mee sometimes dust not gesse That Iupiter vnto thy Mother had accesse I know great-thoughted-man by thy lookes straine That such high thoughts thy braue harte dus maintaineâ— Well still looke great and one daie thou shalt see A greate purse to thy lookes will answer thee Satire 74. DArtus if thou'dst a Courtier learne to be Then take a glasse that booke shall straight teach thee Looke in thy glasse and frowne or skowle or smile And shalt see one doo soe an other while Laugh thou there 's one will laugh shedd thou a teare A teare ther 's oue will shedd I dust thou heare Thy bodie bow gape winke or nodd thy pate Doe what thou wilt ther 's one will imitate To great men if thou wilt a Courtier bee Thou must doe as thy shadowe dus to thee Satire 75. WHyle my apparrâ—ll was not fine but plaine At Assus but this stile could I obtaine God morrowe Sir How doe ye sir to daye But when in my apparrell I grew gaie Why then God morrowe to your Worshipp sir Then 's tongue without a worshipp ne're would stir But looke when my apparrell was not gaie I certaien was noe worshipp t' haue that daye Taylors sure honourable men you bee For you men worshippfull can make I see Satire 76. CVntrey Tailors themselues tooth ' Court betake As th' old saying is but for meere fasshon sake They goe toth ' Courte as manie Courtiers goe Vnto the Church that is to see or soe More matter on 't what neede I make Since vp they goe onely for fashon sake They make the Courte for fashon sâ—ke their Schoolâ— Whereby to fasshon out each Contrey foole Satire 77. WIl t bee a Serving-man thou art not fitt Thy stubborne pate affordes noe reatching witt If thou would'st soe thou must loose learning than That ornament getts smale forth ' Seruing-man But wilt a states-man serue where 's thy braines stretch Fie t will not plott t is naught t will not retch Wilt follow his yong sonn foole awaie Fie Examin how thou art in quallitie Canste hawke hunte or haste the hors-mans skill Canst drabb dice drincke or 's wenching luste fulfill If not awaie awaie will bee thy cheere With this adition What makes this Asse heere Wâ—lt wait on 's daughter ah hah there 's a Lasse How 's thy humor If sadd then th' art an asse Canst neither daunce nor sing foole then awaie Why quallities is all in all I saie If canst not musicke plaie or dandle Pearle Or goe if sent in priuate to an Earle If canst not these doe credit me or trie Thou't be reputed of noe quallitie Awâ—ie thou 't turned be wantst but those partes And held a foole maugre thy librall artes Satire 76. DEâ—cend thou monstrous damn'd-deluding Gold Into thy fathers black infernall hold Pueilas cold-chast thoughtes had been vnthaud Hadst thou not been thou most entising baude Old Fathâ—rs liues in sonns eyes were noe moates Wert not for thee thou temp'st 'em cut their throates Thou true-bred Feynd right make-bare in these yeres T is thou setst Kinges togeather by theire eares Varlat avaunt keepe out my sight th' adst beste Else I 'le en-dungeon thee in strong-bar'd Cheste Satire 80. COme Lord that would-be I 'le condole with thee Cause what thou wouldst be made will neuer be What though thou neuer wast ' foreseiged Towne With thunder-threatniug Gnnns to gunn it downeâ— Or complete arm'd vppon a fitie steed Making on euerie side thy foes to bleede Why though thou ne're didst soe yet Lord that would-bee Honour in my minde appertaines to thee Deserues he honour which entrencheth Townes And he noe honour which entrencheth growndes Me thinkes hee which in fielde St. George dus crie Deserues noe more then If 's waie hee did flie Come Lord that wouldâ—be gett more Cowes sheepe And honour will come on you though you sleepe Satire 81. TAlke you with Poet-Asse sitting in 's seate You 'le heare him ex'lent Epigrames repeate Demaund him whose they bee they runn soe fine He answers straight fruits of this braine of myne Yet let a well-read Poet heare the vaine Hee'lle finde they came out of a Bastardes braine Dust heare me Poet-asse I 'le prophysee That when th' art mari'd thou 't a Cockould bee Thou fath'rest now things got by other men What wilt thou doe when thou art mari'd then I pry thee good Iack-Dawe giue each bâ—rd's owne That for a plaine Iack Dawe thou maist be knowâ—â— Satire 82. BEare hence my Septer and my massie Crowne I cannot beare them but they 'le beare me downe Sadd cares and feares attendeth on them soe As I their burthens cannot vndergoe Bring me my Hooke my Scripp my Flock of sheepe I long againe that quiet Realme to keepe Satire 83. THe Printer saies good bookes doe baddly sell Then myne cause badd I 'em sure must needs take well but howsoeuer good or badd they bee To take-well Lawyers let em learne of yee Praie teach em it that parte y' are perfectst in Teach em take well for God sake learne em synn Satire 84. IF Vennym'd-mouth'd-fell-bitten Zoylus stirr Then Whelpe be firce vppon that snarling Curr Let him noe sooner grinn but on him flie And thou shalt see his waie awaie hee 'le hie With 's taile ' tweene's leggs awaie hee 'le scudd gadd Onely hee 'le barke howle as he were madd Satire 85. GOe churlish whelpe awaie goe thou and sleepe And till I call againe thy kennell keepe Thou barkest loud too loude thou barkest Whelpe I must haue whippetts now that doe but yelpe I hunt noe beastes I 'ue altred now my wont My pleasiur's now the Vermin chace to hunt Be gone yong Curr yet if fowle swyne doe rout I 'le whissle then and then againe come out AN APPOLOGIE AN Idle humor has possest my penn To writ invectiue 'gainst ill humor'd men It is not over one it 's generall That I haue sprinck'led this my bitter gaule My gen'rall meaning 's gen'rally to those Whose humors these badd humors doe disclose Therefore I me sure the wise what ere they thinke If they theire faultes doe see they 'le see winke By others how they 're ta'en or what they saye I 'le take noe care let them themselues bewraye If anye saies but IUIS ATYRYZE Asking
A MASTIF WHELP with other ruff-Island-lik Currs fetcht from amongst the Antipedes Which bite and barke at the fantasticall humorists and abusers of the time In earnest I le but ieast Imprinted amongst the Antipedes and are to bee sould where they are to be bought To my very loving Frends GF RN. WS. RG IF IG Gentlemen of the Innee Temple REnoewned flattcapps worthy sprighted men Accept but doo 't with thanks fruites of my penn Protect with tongues for tongues are lawyers helpes My toothles though much seeming-bitten whelpes Protect em wagges and when their teeth growes longe They shall with teeth ' protect ech Lawyers tongue Dâ—fend em waggs and when I come from warr If you 'le stand for t I le haue you cald too'th barr Euer yours Willyam Goddard TO THE READER EXpect noe fine phrase from a Souldyers penn For Reader wee the bluntest are of men Our Elloquence wee vtter with our swordes Makinge our deedes to pollishe o're our wordes But yf thou likst a harshe vnpollisht vaine Why then reade or'e this infant of my braine It knowes not howe to fawne it wantes his wittes To clawe the backe like true-bredd parrasitts Its ' like as t is the Mastif whelpe which bites Those whom it plaies with more then it delightes It is noe lewe to please a ladyes sight It barkes too loude t' would wake hir in the night If thou affectst a right-bredd dogg forth ' Beare Then keepe this whelpe this dogg such beastes will teare Or wouldst haue Raynard hunted to his denn Hee le hunt him too 't and fetch him out agenn Hee le seazs vppon the wolfe soe bitten's hee Noe beaste this dogg will dread that he cann see Hee le hunt the hogg and shalt not neede be feard For hee le descrie eatche knaue with in thy yard If thou canst like a Curr which is soe ruff Then take thou thisâ— he 'es full as feirce as tuff W. G. The Mastiffe Whelpe Satire 1. GOe Mastiff Whelpe disdenn thy selfe a while With sullen sport make thou thy maysters smyle Be wanton yet amidst thy best delight Not onelie barke but make as yf thou dst bite Grynn snarle and on thy best freind look soe grym As yf thou dst at one snapp devouer him Satire 2. THou penn of myne doe not with myld-calme rymes Sooth-vp th' abuses of these barbrous tymes But like a Lyon come thou ruf and feirce And with black boy strous stormes these men-beastes peirce Let thy ruff galles be such as make them searche Aud scudd to find a safe place where to pearche Blaste-black theire hues who 'gainst gods sacred dyetie Has belcht the pitch-black-blazes of Impyetie Dread not the greatst th art licenst penn to doo 't But yf he open lies I chardge the shoot Spare not to saie there 's noe such villanie As is Deathe-staringe-cruell tyrannye Scorne thou the troubled ensignes of pale feare Doo 't souldyer-like with bold and liuelie cheere Whith bussinge whispers flye-blowe not the eare But what thou dost with boldnes let tappeare Goe boldlie penn goe bluntlie guie th'asault And lashe eache man accordinge to his fault Satire 3. GAllants you wil be Dyinge this Christemas I le Praie that eyther of you well maie passe I praie nowe perdon me for this doubt I That some of you at this time Ill will die And then my noble waggs excuse me hoe There is a thinge calls on you West-ward hoe Dye well madd waggs and here I will presadge To gold yf feynds barr not you l haue passadge Satire 4. SOlus the student takes on him such state That sure the gallants Lordefyd ' of late My Goldsmith is quoth he the best i' th towne And none could Shrâ—dd my Taylor ere putt downe Push push quoth hee looke on my rapy'rs guylt None like my Cutler fashons out a hilt Yf others talk of Barbers he'ele crie tutt Awaie t' is myne that has the exlentst cutt What doe I prate he maie vse this word my For sure the wayte on him which watchfull eye But shall I tell you howe and cease to iest Oh! t' is with Seriannts Solus to arest Satire 5. NOwe fpitefull Fortune doe the worste you can Yet Iack will rise to be a gentleman Did not Iacks Lord leane on his shoulders late Chock him on the chynn stroake him on the pate Lendinge Iack smyles when Iack speakes but a word Ah here be hopefull greaces from a Lord Who er'es a wynner yet if Iack haue thâ—se I cannot see howe Iack cann rise and leese Satire 6. SVrveyinge Summus scornes to tell a lie Yet hee cann number all the starrs i th skie Hee 'le tell howe manie gras-blades growes i th landes Hee le justlie number all the ocean sandes Howe manie howres t' is since the world begann He reckon cann and counte the moates i th sunn These by his Arte cann he doe exlent well Yet in 's owne purse he nere could twelue pence tell Satire 7. A Stromus euerye night on 's back dus lie Surveying of eache thinge i th starrye skie He gazeth on the Beare and Charles his waine On all Celestiall signes that fore tells raigne He'el tell you when th'clipse shal be i th Sunn This yeare he'ele tell what next yeare shal be done Yet for his life he cannot tell before The certen times when 's wife means plaie the Satire 8. WIll Lestas loue his booke I fayth Sir noe Hee le be more constanter I hope then soe Has not he vowd ' his thoughts too'th good ale potâ— He knowes inconstancie in loue 's a blott What 's in a booke to yeild delight to man Iust naught to that which is i th ale-howse cann The Cann has that which whetts the dulled witt But books holdes naught but that which dulleth it Lestas be wise and lie close to thy loue Though freindes doe babble doe not thou remoue Satire 9. THou Fernydus awaie thou wicked man I scorne to write on thee although I cann Scudd silver-scraper ritch wretch hence awaie Thou owst thy gutts a debt that debt goe paie Goe cloath thy back it s more then halfe vnstript Its nowe just as iâ— were when thou wert whipt Goe broane-bread-eater think that this my penn Much scornes to write on water drynkinge men Satire 10. ASke who they be demaund not that of me Nor I nor none I thinke knowes who they be To daie thei le Divells be but next daie then They 'le neyther Divells be nor Earthlie men An other daie they le Kinges vnto you seeme The next daie happ'lye you 'l them beggers deeme Noâ— shape nor forme they euer longe contayne Lest be the fooles but that they still mayntayne If they nor apes nor fooles nor Players bee Then who they are I cannot aunswere yee Satire 11. COtts pluttronells hir was appused bee Hir was a shent leman all worl was see Was not hir father effer wheare coot freez And effer trink coot trynk was tost coot sheeze Was not hee make hir create pigg foe to
learne all posternes right hir course but take Shee eu'ry night as in hir bedd shee lies Dus all hir posternes 'fore shee e're let flies Shee cockes shee tries hir match shee gardes hir pann Which done sh'ungardes it and presentes it than And with as good a grace as you 'd desire Shee blowes hir match and brauely then giues fire Then dus shee caste about prune blowe Rechardge to hir former posternes goe Souldiers Drilling's not hard If you 'd doe soe Satire 22. FOr certen yet in woemen ther 's some sweet With which wee blinde-men yet could neuer meet By reason naturall it must be soe To proue the same let 's to the Bee-hiue goe Why did dame Nature giue the Bee a sting Some reasons sh 'ad to giue hir such a thing And place it in hir taâ—le men marke the case The prettie Bees sweetst best ritchest place Hir reason why shee plac't it in hir taile Was this if my opinion doe not faile Because that place hir treas'rie is in which Lies all hir wealth For Bees be sweetly ritch Now as with stinges dame Nature made the Bee Soe woemen hath shee made with stâ—nges wee see For all their heades I hope I doe none wrong Containeth stings If not a stinge a tongue But let vs term 't a stinge for it will prick And hee that striues with it gainst thornes dus kick They hauing stinges noe question if wee search Shall honny finde where those sharpe stinges doe pearch Yet as you doe doe not for men you 'le faile If Bee-like for the sweete you search the Satire 23. MIlda since you betooke your self to wiue I hope y 'aue tane the skillfulst tricks to thriue The time was Milda when your slender back To couer it a gowne well-nie did lack But now nor gowne nor nothing else you want What can you aske but straight it has a graunt Manie Maidens manie things would choake Had they as you haue Milda such a cloake For doe you heare it may not be denaied But cloakes fitts wiues when they 'le not doe a maide Yet Milda faith I speake it to your grace You should haue chose your cloake with better face Satire 24 A Ladie fairer farr then fortunate In dauncing thus o'reshott hirselfe of late The musick not in tune pleas'd not hir minde For which shee with the fidlers fault did finde Fidlers quoth shee your fidles tune for shame But as shee was a speaking of the same To mend the consort let shee did a Whereat the fidling knaues thus did hir greete Maddam your pipe 's in tune it plaies most sweete strike vp quoth they but then the knaues doe smile And as you pipe wee 'le daunce an other while At which awaie the blusshing Ladie flinges But as shee goes hir former noates shee singes Satire 25. WElthus none of your daughters that I sawe But halfe did tempt mee be your sonne in lawe And iuste but halfe For euer I did see In eech of them somwhat to alter mee Kates Virtues my affection much did moue But streight hir crookednesse did quench that loue Black Sues great portion made mee wish hir well But thinking on hir pride my loue straight fell Besse for hir bewtie I could much affect But Besse wantes witt that made mee Besse reiect With Dâ—ll for hir housseffrie I could hould But blame not smale men much to feare a scould Ellen for hir silence I could loue but Although I hate a scould I loath a slutt Were Nan noe wanton shee 'd my humor fitt But Nan has wantonnes vnto hir witt Yet Wealthus giue me Nan for doe you heare With wantonnes as most men dus I 'le beare Satire 26. SWeet Mistresse I 'le not putt thee thou shalt finde In this my bookes disgracefulst place behinde In that place will I toothles Liva putt And flout at hir cause shee 's soe rancke a slutt And Minsa there I 'le putt who eates at table As if to eate at all shee were not able Hir there Iâ—le put cause 'fore â—olkes shee 'le not eate But in a corner eate vp worldes of meate Likewise I 'le Lica put into that place For Cuckolding hir man before his face But Mistresse you behinde I 'le neuer put Worldes of wealth shall ne're perswade mee too 't Where â—ouers put their loues there doe you looke To bee inrouled and put in my booke i th' midle and before cann I doe lesse There will I put you my sweet Misteresse Where I will write on you thinges of delight Thinges fittli'st fitting true-loues appetite Satire 27. ANd praie now why is there noe likelyhood That Agus should doe his yong wife noe good Heare my example and I 'le proue it then That none please yong Girles like these aged men A yong-man hauing matter to endite With manie wordes superâ—â—uous hee doth write Loading the paper with much Idle stuff O ' rechardging it with much more then enough Whereas an aged man dus neuer write But vntoth ' purpose hee dus still endite What e're ould men doe doe I doe not flatter Toth ' purpose t is they roundly goe toth ' matter And therefore Tatlus why art such a one To thinke that Agus sonne is not his sonne Iâ—st cause the boie is such a chopping ladd Or cause hee is not hair'd like his old dadd If this bee all then thou a fault art in Why Tatlus hee is like his mothers kinn His mother couzens hath fine proper men The boie in fauour maie bee like to them Or like his god-fathers the boie may bee That falls out oft although noe kinn you see Fie Tatlus Ifaith thou hast a slaund rouus tongue To doe an old-mans yong-wife soe much wrong Why old-mens breath getts boies it is soe strong Satire 28. LOrd what meane you Gossipp praie forbeare My husband noates your often comming here Soe soone as euer hee is gott toth ' Plowe You are here praie la-bee what ayle you now I will not faith good-lord y' are such a man I hope you 'le rest hee will bee here a nan Y' are such an other whoo 'd thinke you such a one Oh! I heare my husband praie bee gone La-bee I saie fie fie I praie la-bee Hee 's in the yard hee 's crying hutt and gee Harke harke Ifaith I heare him oh t is sore Naibour sneake out I will watch at dore Satire 29 WHy Iohn quoth Nan I praie nowe Iohn forbeare You 'le not a done Ifaith I 'le hitt your eare whoo 'd bee a Chamber-maide why Iohn fie fie A done I saie Ifaith Iohn Iwill crie Pussh pussh praie leaue another time you shall Why harke praie harke Ifaith my Mistresse call Shee 'd rise and make hir readie out alas How will shee tie hir shoes and want hir glasse I 'm in a fine case to goe to hir sir Fie Iohn are not you sham'd to keepe this stirr I 'de not ha thought you would haue vs'd mee soe How is my colour fie how I doe blowe Shame you not