Sleeps and refreshes his o're-tired nature Foure severe visitors the Study force Of which th' old woman was by far the worse The Barber and the Curate learned men Knew what to save but silly women when They have the chaire as if they were a baking All to the oven must in this sad taking Were these rare Volumes which they censure first And straight condemne you know ill names are curst To filthy fate the Curate could reprieve But few the Barber with his Neece did strive And did the yielding Damsell so beseech That she did lay some Books under her breech For his own use and for that mighty blessing He gave the Book second Impression But th' old woman was most implacable For she heard him jeere at old wives Fables And therefore all alike must to 't And thus Without Index expurgatorius Or Melius Inquirendum O sad story The Books the Books do suffer Purgatory TEXT HIs Library the only Author of his harme This is a hard Chapter like that of a Pedegree full of hard names which to passe over with a stout silence were unworthy a Commentator as if it were all Parenthesis and as well out as in or to give no more light then the construing book which of every thing not understood by the translator saith it is the name of a Tree a bird a fish a place or a plant so called No no being it is a criticall piece and a censure of the most masculine and smartest Authors of Errantry and a finall condemnation of some of them to Vulcan we must not exfulgore dare fumum make a black book of what they made a light fire give a snuffe for a flaming Taper wherefore we lament this Incendium Trojae the fireing of this famous Library and in as high a fury though not so worthy as he for Maro's cry out Ergò ibit in ignes Stultaque vaniloqui Flagrabit Musa Quesadae Which in English is thus elegantly though not ad literam translated Poxâ—on thee Vulcan and if that won't doe Thy Wives Pox on thee and Besse Broughtons too Which verses were made upon the like mishap when the Annals of the famous City of Madrid that is the acts Chivalry of the twenty four single Signiora's Combates of the two Consuls The Turnaments of the common Consiliarii the quarterly prizes of the Deputies of the Wards and their seconds the Quest-men Besides the Annuall Amphipoliticall and tumultuary certamina or Feasts of twice twelve societyes every Praetorian day with the strange Feasts of the Greenmen Whiflers Marshals and his Ministers Besides the Navall expedition of the Gallyfoist and many other renowned workes were all burnt to ashes not so much as a line surviving or escaping in that neverto be forgotten conflagration of Father Benjaminos study Wherein besides these books of Infamous losse were the severall duels onslaughts stormes and military performances of the two never to be reconciled families like the Capulets and the Mountchensies Eteocleans and Polyniceans Dowglasses and Percies Guelfs and Guibblins of enraged Sr Iohn Daw and incensed Sr Amorous La-â—ool Quis talia Fando Temperet à Lachrymis Which runs thus but not verbatim for I doe not tye my selfe up close to the words Who can these tales relate and burning Histories And not contribute the Church buckets of his eies Or new found spouts of teares This digression pardon'd I returne to the note whence I collect that it is not love that alwaies makes men mad nor griefe and pease pottage that only swels the belly by wofull experience we see that by turning over such books the vertigo hath taken the braines which being themselves voluminous as you see in a Calves-head cleav'd in twaine they are much hurt with volumes of a contrary make especially those that are simple and foolish whereas sage with braines is very good and rosemary is a good Cephalick and time savory and sweet marjoram in good pottage make excellent settle-braine But these kinde of simples and leaves of Errantry though the Knights themselves have had opportunitie to be as great Herbalists as Gerrard Iohnson or the Iâ— Ambarvalion yet experience which is the Mistresse and must rule this rost teaches us that they are noxious to the braine and if to the braine necessarily to the head and you know Caput malum est Caput malorum And so is this Chapter a Chapter of the saddest contents that e're was made The old Woman returned with a holy waterpot to besprinckle c. The old woman should have turn'd the bottle upon her own self who being the very Hecuba and unquenchable Boutifâ—u of the company prov'd the very firebrand to this study and had she been but sows'd out of her balneo mariae many books no doubt had escaped which her dry malice or rheumatick ignorance condemned to the Ovens whole or else by parts under apple-pyes or Fooles on which the Don insatiably alwaies fed and nourished à simili admirably well or else to more uncomely and unprofitable ends For Mr Cutbert and Sr Roger were mercifully inclin'd and through their great understanding gave many of the Books their Book and would have but lightly sing'd some or with a cold Iron which this old Beldam burnt out of hand Commanded the Barber to fetch downe the books Now the Library ladder is mounted like the the execution scaling staires and Mr Nicholas like old Mounsieur toles downe the books with as little remorse as a Carman does billets whether in Folio Quarto Decimo sexto stitch't or bound of what Sexe what age soever whether printed at Antiâ—yrae or by the approbation of the Colledge of Goteham Cum Privelegio or sine down they goe whilst the licentiat like Mr Godcoale at the foot of the Cart gives ghostly counsell to some and to others the dreadfull words of Ite malam in crucem farewell and be burnt For the Dons Books were not fast'ned as the Bookes in publick Libraries then perchance these witty censurers would have permitted them to have hung in their owne chaines in terrorem to all Knight Errantry-scriblers for ever The first book was touch'd was Amadis De Gaul Of the Originall of Knight-Errantry there is much controversy I am not of the opinion that Amadis de Gaul was the first book of that Nation they being supposed to be descended of the Iewes which were Errant over the face of the whole earth and no doubt many books of this nature are to be read in Hebrew without pricks and that all others had their beginning from this is as improbable What thinke you of the Iliads the Aeneads the Frog and Rat-fights the Pigmies and the Gyants and the Giganto-machi which were all pure Errantry and of more famous and reverend antiquity so you Amadis may Longe sequere vestigia semper adora Since that you stand for eminence in letters Learne manners first and yield unto your betters This said the Barber is Amadis of Greece Amadis of Greece why may not this
Kettle-pins Noddy-boards Tables Truncks Shovell-boards Fox and Geese or the like He taught his bullies to drink more Romano according to the number of the letters in the errant Ladies name Clodia sex Cyathis septem Justina bibatur The pledge so followed in Dulcinea del Toboso would make a house quickly run round No such Lure as drinke and sports to bring any businesse about A Gentleman distress'd for want of labourers it seems hiâ—'d out before knew not how to inne his Harvest wherefore he sent for a couple of Bearehoods and proclaiming a free accesse to that sport the worke-men from all places came thither and by that meanes with his brewings of Beer and Brewin the Bear he got his worke done and yet every day did play Mine Host hath another benefit by his books or his wife rather for it seems he was a fiery cholerick man and the book was her security as long as he was reading shee was at quiet a very good recipe for either sex that are troubled with the Alarum of the tongue Romances may be very well read by women in such cases and not as Maritornes the fousty slattern made use of them to defile her braines with the conceit of embracing a Knight under an Orâ—nge Tree what a Lemman should he have of her Good Mrs Ursula how sweet these things are to her as Hony O for the sting in the raile to let her know that sweet meat must have sowre sauce The Hostesses daughter is also smitten but dislikes the blows that are given shee cannot indure severing the head from the body Those indeed were down-right but shee was for a by-blow Peace quoth the Hostesse for it seems thou knowest too much of those matters and it is not decent that maidens should know or speak so much The daughters of those mothers who have been in the oven are forward and understandable of womens matters sooner then other children The egs that are hatcht in an oven bring forth spirituous chickens and they commonly prove of the game Mine Hostesse and her daughter were as like as one egg to another and like Mrs like maid too Maritornes serv'd the Carriers if they pleas'd the best sort The rebuke might very well have been spar'd for in that compellation of Mayden it concern'd not her The old dame was fearfull shee should too much lay open secreta Domus especially the Lady being present whose super-eminent gracious aspects recall'd a little modesty into their impudent breasts My young inheritrix of the Inne would not have any man call her Tigre or Lyon shee was gentle as a Lamb or a Cow with stretcht Udders and this pliantnesse she had partly by nature partly by example from her mother whom she thought it religion to follow though it were to the Devill Gaudeant beâ—è nati Defleant malè nati Where much salt is Pigeons will frequent and they are Venus's birds Cats have hot ingendrings and where the conceptions are fiery the Kittens will be elemented alike 'T is that fire that salvolatile which makes them of so strange agility and in conclusion as the English Proverbe hath it what is bred in the bones will not easily out of the flesh Romulâ—s was cruell from the wombe the Woolfe with her milk conveighing her nature too Wherefore it is not good to give female infants Goats milke that is not to suffer ranc'k frowy and hairy nurses to suckle 'um what the mother hath conferr'd is not curable by Physick the mischiefe being scatter'd through the very Principles of Nature and no more to be discovered then Materia prima and as the learned Pliny saith Morbi sicut alia legantur Dropsies Gowts Palsies Epilepsies and most diseases are as haereditable from our Parents as their estates So their vices also especially those ab utero derivata For partus sequitur ventrem and I never read that ever a Messallina brought into the world a Lucreece Would you quath the Hoste burne my Books In good time my wife first if shee were in a scolding fit These books Sir they are the caemenâ— of my company the glew that holds them all together they draw more then my signe or any thing I have within except the Tapster Our mother the Church is never blemish'd by them nor his Catholike Majesty nor his Hâ—linesse at Rome and why should any man seek to burne such Books which keep up Society and Ladyes untill midnight if the Gentileman read eâ—phatically and finely to them they inflame men and women and put true spirits into us besides it is a great helpe to Printers and Book-sellers who dare venture upon nothing that is serious and true these being innocent pastimes and other works dry and fitter for the fire Consider also that they are great helpes to such hoâ—ses as ours though but few in the world beside my selfe of my function I think can read such hard names as are in these volumes How Mr Traquitantos of the Commarke of St Lucrees You must suffer me a little to digresse and make it known to you that there are men of your profession in other parts of the world who have read as good Romances as these and have thence so furnisht themselves with invention upon all occasions that they scorne to turne to a book when they would make their guests merry but out of their owne sparkling forges have found delight and pleasance for the whole time of their stay were it a week long And I shall give you a tast of the prâ—gnancies of those Inne-keepers where I or my friends have fortun'd to travell a little to prick the swelling of the bladder In Bellosyte of the Dâ—luin are rare acuminate quick and phantasticall blades of your employment that have hundred witty Remoras for their guests which they cannot escape for the frequency of them nor dislike them for the invention One of them having some guests that lov'd Larks said I will fit you with such a service of Larks as you never heard of the like before how Landlord quoth the Gentlemen what part of the skie proves your net that you have such heavenly food The Inne-keeper soberly as his custome was replied gentlemen The Larks come not to me by miracle nor doe I take Quailes for Larks But these birds my servants catch indeed the rarity is their tast as you will find at supper for marke me Gentlemen in and neer the Fields where these pretty warblers resort I my selfe set Garlike and Onyons which the birds feeding on have such a naturall Hogou that no French Artizan is able to make a higher but for fashion sake there needs no sawce and it is alwaies disht severall that the Larks grand tast may be found to be from its selfe nor is this all the vertue that comes from my device for Gentlemen be confident t is true I have preserv'd of the young ones and train'd them up to sing and they have learn'd instantly but then by reason of this opening food which I alwaies
will with fortune wrastle Iust as you see them in the Frontispiece Not eggs to eggs are liker Geese to geese TEXT WHile they were thus busied DON Quixot cryed here here valourous Knights As in other fires of wood or coal you imagine you see the shapes of Men Lyons Horses and other strange creatures so by the light of this Book-bonefire as plaine as Eteocles and Polynices in their flames were seen fighting did visibly apprehend he saw the most desperate Tourney that ever was performed by Knights which raised his valourous soule from his bed to action depriv'd he is stout heart of armes all but his naturall his launce miserably shivered past the cure of a cunning Joyner the Helmet in so many despicable pieces not fit to make nailes of yet thus bereft only in soule cap-a-pe a souldier his high conceit In praelio trudit inermem Soon as he waked he fell a fighting naked He continued cutting and slashing on every side He is in the very same postures as I knew one who being soundly doz'd had the charity of his conquerours to buttresse him up from the Inne to his chamber where like my Don he took quiet repose for two or three houres after he awakes intollerably dry and inflam'd i' th throat roar'd out and stampt supposing he had been at the Inne not in his chamber for the Tapster whom loudly and often he call'd for crying I burne I burne Canns you rogue and impatient of delay threatens to fetch him with another Alarum which sodainly he puts in execution and stormes his owne glasse windowes so furiously with bedstaves old shooes and the like weapons that he made a breach big enough out of which he might have throwne the room after And had not one of his fellow Collegioners pass'd by and reconcil'd him to his windowes the actions of battery would have been so chargeable that his whole yeares pension would scarce have paid for the reparations His lines pronounced by himselfe doe ravish the hearers Just as much I believe as when a Greek Oration spoke excellently well by a boy who stood for Election but made by his Master wrought upon one of the chiefe of the company who commended the boy that spoke the Greek so exceedingly that the Electioners which were Scholars induc'd by his excessive liking of that tongue desired to know how long he had been skill'd therein and he answered bona Fide 't was well he had so much Latine that he understood not a tittle of it but he lik't it because it sounded bravely It is indeed a brave language for a man of a full mouth a large tongue and wide jaws which are good marks for a horse too for there is roome enough for their breath to play and 't is a sign also of a noble heat in any creature where the parts are not too unproportionably extended Graiis dedit ore rotundo Musa loqui Greek is pronounced wrong Vnlesse you trole it o'r the tongue I have heard that the Poets of the Fortune and red Bull had alwayes a mouth-measure for their Actors who were terrible teare-throats and made their lines proportionable to their compasse which were sesquipedales a foot and a halfe The Curate would have all the rest burn't at all adventures Crepat ingens Sejanus Downe goes Retont and Pellican Sericon and Bufo If these books had been old shirts much might have been sav'd in tinder enough I believe to have serv'd the Mancha till the Resurrection But paper though it be made of rags is the most unprofitable of all things set on fire Nay I think that out of the ashes of these monumentall Histories it were impossible ever by the labour of Alchymie to recover the resemblances of the principles whence they came nay not so much as the figure of the pot which in most Quires is very visible Otherwise the Don no doubt for the love he bare these Authors would have made that his first adventure and might have been as famous upon Record for Chymicall experiments as he is at this day for Heroick undertakings The Barber opened a book call'd the teares of Angelica One act of grace yet Angelicas teares would have extinguish'd the fire and therefore were kept out but without doubt the true reason why the Curate and Barber were induced to save it was this they both were good fellows and looking downe upon their bestript doublets and skirts spar'd the teares of Angelica for the teares of the tankard wherein both were drencht In good sooth Lord Arch-Bishop Turpin Such strange impressions makes strong fancies and works not onely upon women wonderfull effects but even the most masculine spirits have been as well as our Don shrewdly tainted with it A Gentleman importun'd at a fire-night in the publike Hall to accept the high and mightie place of a mock-Emperour which was duely conferred upon him by seven mock-Electors at the same time with much wit and Ceremony The Emperour ascended his chair of state which was plac't upon the highest table in the Hall and at his instalment all Pomp Reverence and signes of homage were used by the whole company Insomuch that our Emperour having a spice of self-conceit before was soundly peppered now for he was instantly Metamorphoz'd into the stateliest gravest and commanding soule that ever eye beheld Taylor acting Arbaces or Swanston D'Amboys were shadowâ—s to him his pace his look his voice and all his garb was alter'd Alexander upon his Elephant nay upon the Castle upon that Elephant was not so high and so close did this imaginary honour stick to his fancy that for many yeares he could not shake off this One nights assumed deportments untill the times came that drove all Monarchicall imaginations out not only of his head but every ones He call'd for his breakfast which was presently brought This Barber I perceive was no Barber Chirurgion nor the Curate himselfe any great observer of Lent Ember weeks or other fasting dayes else they would have kept him fasting according to the dyet of Bedlam which was the only way to allay his fighting spirit which being ever and anon supplyed by the fumes of bak'd pudding and his body blowne up with flatulent meat such as pease-pottage radishes and on yon 's made such dangerous recruits in him that without prayers and spare dyet it was impossible to exorcize his Frenzy The plot was to change his Chamber and damm up his study This delusion of his Chamber was good pro tempore I knew a humorous Cook in Oxon so given to shift and alter doors in his house that one morning early he chang'd the door belonging to a paire of stairs which went to one of his Lodgers chambers who not knowing of this alteration run down hastily as at other times and found his head stuck in a new mud wall which did so confound him going about some other necessary businesse that by reason of the forcible detainer it was a great question whether he was in more
person would have deterr'd an ill inclin'd Roman from the vice but our Northern Lads are unappeasable A round summe is propos'd the place appointed even at her own house in a room just over the Chamber where this piece of Antiquity taught schoole Inâ—â— which the shreeks of her devirginitated Daughter came which put her unto the most horrid shift of all to â—smother the noise of Lust with the Tones of a Psalm which she her Scholars sung aloud and the second part too whiles the other above sung damnable Notes to a godly Ditty The highest practice of Impiety that ever I heard of and perform'd many yeares before the late Reformation but betwixt the time of the first otherwise Hopkins and Sternhold could not have been instrumentall to a piece of Incontinency unto the performance whereof like Musick in the Act perchance Davids Penitentiall unregarded might be the Hymne This story is not Father'd upon this bad Mother but it is set downe to shew you that Italy and Venice Spaine and France have more open toleration of sport but great Purses can doe amongst us as much as ever it did at Rome and Animae Parentum aswell as Corpora Filiarum are venalia This Childe without doubt had this Originall sinne from her Parent and from whence she learn'd this pious fraud is too long to enquire If that smack of Witchcraft were not in it he merited not It is ordinary to impute our own Lapses which lay in our wills sometimes to have resolved to the power of the Devill tempting and over-ruling us A wench willingly seduced and poyson'd as they say was thus expostulating with her selfe post rem factam se infectam What a gracelesse Quean was I what a forgetfull hot-tail'd Carrion Right very right Sure I was bewitched there she was excentrick Nay without peradventure the Devill was in me And with a high sigh considering her early Hillock said Shame on me it was the Devill Incarnate This Confession not extorted nor subtilly wrought out by any Examiner but a shifting shriving Conscience may very well be praeambulatory to her owne Absolution and to this scandall from our Broker of the Eare who following the steps of his first subtile Master plyes that part which he began with and so at last got from one Round to another Look to your Eare-rings Ladies strange bobs hang thereby Although I know very well that no Sorcery in the world can move or force the Will Medicated Garters Gloves Handkerchieffs Heart-breakers Ribbands Fillits Fancies Pictures nor Platonick speculation which if there be any thing neare Witch-craft or Knight-Errantry is without Question of the surest side finde any faith in our Don who for this Tenet for in other things quantum distat may be accounted a wise man by the authority of the first Verse that ever mov'd foot in his behalfe Sapiens dominabitur Astris And if it be in the power of a Knight-Errant to resist and counter-worke the Influences of the Starreâ— who are his higher Brother Planetae and so with the Sunnes leave as many Monsters as ever Quixot did which Starres more subtilly and naturally incline our tempers and if their vertues may be rebated by a moderate Fasting and sufficiently mortified Body or rather as our Don 's was mortar-fied D' you thinke a few Herbes shall doe it I dare presume that let Medaea have gathered what Plants she pleas'd at what time of the night she thought most effective and with what words she pleas'd too let them have been made into a grand Sallet with Oyle Sugar Almonds Vinegar and the rest of the French Coques Ingredients Quixot and Sancho should have made no more danger of it but eate it as heartily and with as good successe as if Mary Gutierez had prepared against their comming home a Tansey of Clare for the reparation of her Sancho's backe and another of Coxcombo for the discerebratings of his Knights head I goe here because I have jested too much with two Cousin Germans of mine owne The Rogue lyes to the Don and his Cousins too for he was in earnest with them and they took it Insomuch that if there were but few Trees or none in Spaine he ought to have been sent to Rome and hang'd upon the Arbor Civilis for an example which by these disorderly intermixtures he hath made so knotty that it hath chang'd many a Bartolus with rubbing his Pate to finde the right names for his Off-spring into Baldus It is the latter end of the Character of this slave that he was a Stadent a great Talker and a very good Latinist All these he might be for Scientia and Mores doe not alwayes meet in the same person though it were a very handsome Conjunction But you finde his studeo Mu◠è contra stans and he is not so great a Talker but as great a Doer too and for his Latine Tongue that could be no sinne unlesse in that Catholike Tongue he did corrupt the Whore of Babylon Don Quixot ask'd who was this so loaden with Irons and why Because he had done more Villanies than they all This Rogue was at full years in the strength of his age a handsome fellow as we say of those we never doe commend but once the rest of his Company were singular knaves but this was Nomen multitudinis A Book must comprehend his life and no better pen-man then himselfe if he could be true to any certainly he would not cheat us in his owne Story In the Parchments of his body for he was for the Antique Records much of his History was to be read in a very high Rubrick which upon solemne dayes was seen and the part re-stigmatiz'd according to order In his hand was another Impression in his forehead another another in his shoulder which were severall Editions of some small Pamphleticall labours of his which are now to be collected into one intire Volume bound up together like the Author and to be tyed in memory of Gines Passamont in the Vatican in Chaines when the first Edition shall come forth Correctior non Emendatior Gines Passamont or Ginesilio of Parapilla This latter name of Parapilla Gines doth abominate the Creatures of the Rode changing names as oft as High-wayes which they never ply above two Termes As for example Now he is taken and apprehended by the name of Passâ—a-mont at other times and upon emergencies of occasions Passe-a-broak Passe-a-ditch Passe-a-way Passe-o-ver Passe-a-repass but this the best name if with a Convenit res nomini One Pass-a-galley were worth a Kingdome beside what a great adornment to the Grande Opus of his life would it be if it might not be concluded among the Brethren of the Oare but be spunne out to the utmost thred in the noble Enterprizes that Fate and his owne Genius had necessitated and inclined him to This Book was pawned in Prison for 200 Royalls and is redeemable for so many Duckets You may read in this Book the abuse of Prisoners
I think that of mine Hosts liberality and the remission of the reckoning And now that you see how Hosts in other Countries reap great benefit by lies of their own making we may return to Mr Curate who is labouring to prove those lies which you read and are not of your own making But here Sancho Pancho interrupts us with his sad apprehensions that the Licentiat should speak truth Sancho rested much confounded and pensative of that which he heard them say that Books of Chivalry only contained follies and lies But that the sight of Dorothaea kept up his spirits this day we had lost a Squire one Lecture had converted him a place or two ab improbabili impossibili being able to worke miracles in a Country Auditory So that Sancho fell into some pusillanimous-selfe-discourses and was over-heard to say in muttering grumbling manner as followeth Have I for this sold my fat Sow and Pigs To purchase lies Romances and false jigs If Amadis du Gaul and Palmerin Be lies what whimsey-â—ados are we in No Gyants to be slain no Emperours No Emperour no Sancho Governour But by the life of my Aegyptian Queen Then whom a fairer Lady can't be seen I doe believe in Gyants and in Ilands too And that the Books of Chivalry are true As any legend and that my Don Quizzot Shall get the great Nicomicon for 's lot And for a Concubine in Guinea He may besport it with Dulcinea And I contented in some fruitfull Iland Shal spend my daies and neither sell nor buy Land CHAP. VI and VII Mine Host this budget like Pandora's box Mischievous stories of all sorts unlocks Here he displaies a simple Florentine Hatching against his wife a fond design Having no cause of any jealousie But constant proofs of love and chastity Yet he will try the purest gold the touch Sullied his piece and did his Ingotsmutch The Cockscomb hires his shame and gets a Crest Actaeon with a fairer was not blest His reasons laid that women never tri'd Are therefore chast but shee that hath deni'd Resisted bribes and opportunity And a solicitour of gracefull eye Apt to convince she merits all the praise And thus a Trophy to his wife hee 'l raise Lothario is his engine his best friend Wealthy and young and fit for such an end But his high amity did over-rule He argues and disswades but the stiff foole Will heare no reason such dangerous tryals Rather instruct to lust then raise denyals Keep Virgin eares such as you found um pure Young Hawkes in time doe stoop unto the Lure And let your Camilas deportment be A barre and check to all immodesty E'n as she was for yet he never saw A face of so much freenesse and such aw All this wrought nought but loath Lothario Vnwilling any else so much should know Of his friends follies doth attempt the thing With like successe as Gyges to his King Cozen'd Anselmo like all Cockscombs dotes And loves her better so a Whore besots Deflour'd then chast such arts those gamesters have Their Wittals to their wittees to enslave I shall not make any literall observations upon this story of the curious Impertinent but only labour to satisfie Mr Curate who having read and lik'd the penning of it yet stood incredulous to the beliefe supposing it a fiction for as he saith in the eighth Chapter being the Catastrophe and winding up of the whole matter TEXT I cannot imagine that any Husband would be so foolish as to make so costly expence for the purchase of a staine Mr Curate to corroborate confirm and illustrate this History by many examples is the best way to reconcile the credit to it and first in your own way Abraham durst not let Sarah passe for his owne wife but agreed with her while she travell'd through a strange Country to go by the compellation of his sister whereby had no divinity interrupted the events he brought his wife into great danger of her honour But Mr Curate I shall endevour to give you more pregnant proofs in the next relations It was in the Country of the Orientall Saxons where a man offended much that he had no child by his wife took a mad course to obtaine his desire and condemning himselfe in the case of insufficiency absolv'd his wife assuring his thoughts that change of Person would remedy the businesse the chiefe matter was to affect his wife with his plot and obtaine her consent which he did by often sighing and lamenting his condition who was bless'd with a fortune but could not tell you how or to whom to dispose of it it was his earnest desire that from her body that comfort might be rais'd unto him and he should esteem it as the fruits of his owne loynes whosoever could give her the right contagion The woman wearied out with such plaints and importunacies yielded to one single tryall Her Husband had before hired a young lusty fellow to doe this drudgery who was so happy in his experiments that he made himselfe a father and got his Chapman a child The thing done he came for his wages which was ten pounds promised but the Chapman fell from his word and would not give him but half though he had not done his work so In conclusion a sute was commeâ—c'd upon it and 't was brought to a Jury where the supposed Father was cast and censur'd to pay what was behind to the true one This next vindication of the possibility and facility of such fond and unnaturall actions in some men comes from the septentrionicall part of those Saxons In the times of those wars it fell out that a proper young Chevalier was taken prisoner and upon Parole dismiss'd to finde his ransome In Eboracum hâ—quarter'd sometime where by his civill carriage and couragious behaviour he purchas'd esteem and honour even in the Garrison of his enemies who were very industrious to get a change for him though no allurements could worke a change in him to forsake the side he had once ingag'd for One of the wealthiest inhabitants did dote upon his person and parts and grew so enamour'd of him that he did invite him to all liberty of his house He did not refuse the offer but was an often guest at his table but with that caution reservednesse and circumspection that the more he frequented the house the more stranger he appear'd Insomuch that his free and open Landlord wondred at his solemn mode fearing that his guest might not think his curtefies reall because no greater pleasance and alacrity proceeded from him at the reception of them And having watch'd an opportunity Deere Renigard so was this Chevaliâ—rs name saith his entertainer I hope you have not the least suspition that these my respects are feigned dissembled or politique but are such as they seem to be I have not yet learn'd to make my Table a snare or to catch regall Birds by laying salt upon their tailes The freedome that I give you is as
friend to the Millener and loves no powder but that of the Gunn To whom Don Quixot said good Ladies doe not weep It was a needlesse prohibition for they did but say they wept teares of laughter they had shed many upon him and now if any were visible they proceeded from the same cause Nay two of these mourners when the Don roar'd and made out-cries able to have pierc'd the heart of a Savage were at laugh and lye downe and made sport with his miseries Ploratur lachrymis amissa pecunia veris. Had the Knight made an escape and avoided the score then they would have out-houled an Irish VVoolfe but secure of the reckoning the joyfull departure of their suspected guest rais'd this merry showre in their eyes His happy journy from them 't is believed they heartily wish'd but not a Bead dropt for his returne Goe and welcome a Spanish Proverbe for an indigent Traveller and we have as good Your room is better then your company The Don was though many times insolvent alwaies thankfull and would know the house againe a Complement that might have been spar'd unlesse he came with his temporall and spirituall stewards the Lord Ferdinand and the Curate The Inne-keeper came also and gave the Curate certaine Papers The drawers curtesie to the Prince was more gentile though it were but a paper of Sugar but if mine Host were hide-bound it was excusable for since Don Quixot frequented the house he was never without swaths fillers plaisters and armestals so that he lookt more like a brother of some Hosptall then the keeper of an Inne It was no doubt no small comfort to him to see the Author of his manifold misfortunes thus ingloriously riding from his house and so hamper'd that it was impossible for him to play any more mad pranks The Blanket and the Cage being the sweet revenges for Sancho's and his masters injuries Truly brother I am better acquainted with books of Chivalry then Villapandas Logick This Canon of Toledo was rather for Toledo blades and the Canon of the Field then Church without question preferr'd for writing or reading Romances rather then Postils to the Countesse his Patronesse which services find sooner rewards then those of the service-Service-Book This fellow was never counted a meer scholar never so bookish as to break his rest or his braines about his study Pleasant discourses pleas'd better then school divinity and a Legend then a Homily he hath attain'd to the top of his desires and scarce saluted Iack Seton or Ramus nor his owne Villapanda Swarez and Vasquez are names he never heard of He leap'd over Logick and the Metaphysicks he never came neer however it was his good chance that he prov'd a Preacher though no Scholar yet for the books he was most conversant in his accounts are very good and argues a great proficiency having proceeded from Garagantua to Gusman and now as the crowne of all ending in Quixot Mr Barber you should take heed how you speak for all consists not in trimming of Beards c. Sancho begins to be undeceived and the imposturage will no longer last nothing is more violent then abus'd simplicity when it once discovers the cheat True Sancho Beards are but bushes and good wine needs none cofeners goe mask'd and in Visards But old time will pluck off those disguises and render every thing in its own likenesse He is very pressing upon Mr Curate also who had a main hand in these perswasions and by whose authority and credit the whole design was brought about and leaves the matter to his Conscience which he hopes will perplex him one day as much as his delusions have confounded them and for his confederate the Barber the forge of this Inchantment he wishes the next generation may be Eunuchs that there may not be a Beard to turne up or a good face to wash as long as the world stood So indignely did Sancho take these affronts that in despight to the Curate he was resolv'd to splay his sows at his return that he might never have tithe in kind any more Verily Mr Curate I doe find by experience that bookes of Chivalry are very prejudiciall to well govern'd Common-wealths Mr Canon in this discourse seems to weaken the credit and use of writings of this nature and to prefer and commend Aesops Fables and Alciats Emblems wherein the Morall may be for instruction though the story be of a Cock and a Bull but it is not unknown that this age hath more abounded with Romances then any other upon what reason is not hard to conjecture and yet no man dare say but here is a well govern'd Common-wealth but what prejudice I pray when the subjects are known to be fabulous and figments no man's faith is beguiled nor any perswaded to believe them as a truth rather on the contrary where the minds of the vulgar are not busied in some such pleasant arguments they fall upon matters which lesse concerne them and become troublesome Judges of the State and Church wherein they live wherefore it hath been accounted great policy to divert those mens fancies by licensing Plaies sports and divers recreations from businesses above their capacity and not of common ventilation For want of these chimera's which had no more harm in them then their impossibility reall phantasmes and strong delusions have succeeded and possessed not a few who transported with their owne imaginations doe not write Romances but act them and fill the world with substantiall Tragaedies CHAP. XXI The Canon and the Curate find out waies To make Romances good and write good plaies Such as may edifie such I have seen Of holy subjects and with Psalmes between The Acts of Dives and of Lazarus Of Hester good and great Aâ—asheverus Which now through Poets vanity and sloth Are seen in Puppet plaies or painted cloth The stage reform'd as they say 't is thought on Time may be spent there well as reading Broughton No fooles with Harry Codpieces appeare Nor Souldiers suffered in their parts to sweare No Lady vitiated o' th' stage before us But let Susanna's bathing be by Chorus And so alike for bookes let nought be written That may give scandall and is unbefitting But as slie Sancho politiquely found His master to be loose i' th' hilts though bound So let the matter of the books and stage Be cleanly kept as was Don Quixot's Cage TEXT BOth the Authors that compose them and Actors that represent them must be such as they be for to please the peoples humours It was an old one and before this criticall observation said Populo ut placerent quas fecisset fabulas Nay in their Amphitheatricall gladiatures the lives of captives lay at the mercy of the Vulgar verso pollice vulgi Quemlibet occidunt populariter And although the only Laureat of our stage having compos'd a Play of excellent worth but not of equall applause fell downe upon his knees and gave thanks that he had transcended the capacity