the Bible But that I may seem to have done something more I made use of this advice not to reck'n for Tradition-Mongers those ancient Doctors of the six first Ages wherein the Church was not as yet fully nobilitated when her Sumptuous Buildings were not as yet rear'd when the Popes liv'd up and down in Caverns and in short might pass for the first Promoters of her troubles at what time the Church smelt somewhat strong of Huguenotism or rather of the Faggot I say they wrote nothing boldly or over-confidently in those first times therefore I allow for Traditions the Books corrected by the devout Council of Trent For some time after that we have seen at the Court and we have still some Doctors who affecting squeamishness of Conscience play the Demi-Huguenots and Appointers of Religion This ought to be a fair example to Monseiur Benedict and his Compagnons Berenger and Chauveau in their Deaths of Melancholie or Poyson These Hero's would fain persuade the suppression of a Book entitl'd Index Expurgatorius Accordingly it was one Result of the Council of Trent whereby all Printers were commanded to expunge or correct the most boistrous passages wherewith the holy Fathers had besmear'd the belief of the Church with a Catalogue of such Sentences as it was convenient either to stifle or amend to the end the Heretics might make no use of them These Prudent Worldlings esteeming themselves wiser then the Council would needs have this Expurgatorie Index suppres'd to concealâ— as they said the shame of the Church which was not to plead for its self upon false Evidences But they have display'd the shame by thinking to hide it For about 11. or 20. years since the Book I mean a copie of it sign'd by the Council fell into the hands of the Family of Antwerp and is now carefully preserv'd among the Rarities of the Elector Palatine And which is worse some Doctors among the rest Baronius who were chosen to make this Reformation are reformed themselves and have confess'd in their printed writings that one of them had for his part alone alter'd above sixty of those passages Thus the design of the Council being discover'd in going about to suppress this Book we might suppress the Authority of the Church and make it questionable whether it be not lawful to change the Expositions of the Doctors and something of the Text of the Ancients Certainly the Affirmative is to be maintain'd and that the Church ought to change both the old and new Testament without bogling any more at the Translation of the Septuagint then at the Translation of fifteen Score if we would have all the main Principles on our side The Primates of Bourges and Lyons would discard out of the number of Traditions the Conformities of St. Francis the Pattern of Wisdom the Garden of disconsolate Souls Marial the Sermons of Menot Manipulus Curatorum Stella Lavacrum Conscientiae Summa Peccatorum dedicated to the Virgin Mary the Golden Legend the Book of Rates and the Life of Christ A Preacher whose name was Christi preach'd at Nantes to the Ladies in these words My dainty quaint Ladies if I find a Bible or a new Testament in any of your hands you shall tast of my Whip but have always between your fingers the good Vita Christi the Vita Christi who made Vespasian and Titus Christians and brought about the design of the Siege of Jerusalem to revenge the Death of Christ and then he condemn'd and vilifi'd all other Historians to establish the truth of that Book But one of those Prelats might sooner have instructed himself to believe in God then us to believe in Him and it is as difficult a thing to make us quit our love of those Books as to make him quit the love of his kind Sister For those books are the only foundation of our belief Neither do they allow the defeat of Monsieur Cayer They say that the Tales of St. Francis were made at Geneva That 's well for the Alcoran of St. Francis However the studies of these abstemious Find-faults are full of those books of the old Impressions 'T were better for them to defend them and say that they were made with a good Intention As when we read of St. Francis living with his Wife of Snow We ought to speak the best and say the good man did it to cool not only his own naturally sinful heat but as a president to his posterity When he preaches to the flesh thereby it is intimated that when his offspring should preach they would require a mute Auditory When he preach'd it up for a Miracle that God would not suffer the flesh to be drown'd in the Deluge thereby he insinuates that the Miracles of the Church of Rome ought to proceed from natural causes as Richeome labours to make out When he calls the Wolves his Brethren and stroaks them with his hand he did it to show that the Franciscans should be rough footed and surprizers of the Innocent sheep He calls the Swallows his Sisters because their Brothers like them all morning prayer time build their nests i' the Country-mens Houses When the Angel told St. Francis as he was at his devotions that Antichrist should be born of his Order that was because it should not be thought an Indignity to make the Franciscan Friers Popes And when he disrob'd himself before the Women and set up his Crucifix what was that but to display the beauties of Nature as not having eaten of the Tree of Knowledg and to lay open if not the understanding yet the nakedness of Father Adam When St. Germain raises a dead Ass wherefore should not he out of his brotherly love and Asinine commiseration being alive give life to Asses who had bin the death of so many at St. Germans de prez and Auxerrois Blase of Anjou who threaten'd his Son with Excommunication if he offer'd to read one line in the Scripture especially the Commandments at length at the intercession of Aubraye a good Catholic gave him leave to read the Maccabees As for Frier Jacopon when I was a Huguenot there was nothing made me laugh like the Legend of that pious Saint and among the rest how he made Confession of his sins to one of his Brethren by signs These things seem absurd but they work this effect among the people as to lead them into a belief that there is no absurdity in the World And therefore it is that St. Paul calls the preaching of these things the folly of preaching From whence Monsieur Cayer draws this notable Syllogism It pleases God to save Believers by the folly of preaching the folly of preaching is the preaching of Legends therefore God is pleased to save believers by preaching of Legends If any person requires the note of Universality and insists that nothing is to be concluded ex puris particularribus he may do well for the School-men However to conclude from pure particulars is rather the Logic
more generally I saw in France that their resolutions were agitated to the wish of their Enemies That they sought their security other-where then one among another or within themselves That they fix'd their resolutions in their Enemie's Country and not at home as the Switzers do look upon the Peace as concluded before the Treaty was begun and bereav'd themselves of their advantages and distinctions before it was proclaim'd Which is worse we have gain'd three in four of their principles which caus'd them to treat as already sow'd up in the Kings party not in War for they bore Arms for him not in Peace for that their necessity urg'd them to treat not in Truce because they had quitted their Distinctions their Judicature their Treasure and their separate Forces So that being neither in War nor in Peace nor in Truce they fancy'd a fourth condition which never was tossing up one leg i' the Air which could be no steady march Some there were that cry'd shame upon these proceedings others would not seek to remedy these things unless the Grandees who were gain'd by the King would return among them to buoy up their party now patch'd up of several pieces choosing rather to be fat then healthy They apprehended their own weakness without considering the distinction of affairs of State Hence they began to treat with respect to conclude without security They did enough to offend but not to defend Thus were these poor people condemn'd in their simple fidelity to be the sport of the great ones persuaded to have pity upon France when France had no pity upon them to preserve it when they had no interest in it to fortifie it when they had expell'd themselvs out of it But when men have their hands ty'd by the fear of God and a bashful respect of their Prince they should be advis'd of their first motion for whatever Peace they make can be no Peace but a Contract of Servitude CHAP. VI. An examination of some Books of these times WHen Monsieur Confessour came to my Lodging he sent in three Porters Load of Books to enhance the Ceremony of my Conversion Some Censurers of these times have observ'd that we did not lash one of them but that after Dinner we spent all the day in playing at Cent. But I will shew those that were so careful to spie what was done that day that I have well employ'd others in modern Theology to authorize my design I have read the Answers to the book of Plessis Mornay 'T is very great pity he has not had leisure to follow his studies as he did some 18. years ago But since he has had so many affairs of State under his hands so much authority to sustain such a large Family to govern nothing has appear'd lately from him The Theologist of Xantes seeing all our Dogs upon that Bear and that none bit him or durst so much as take him by the Ear gave a leap at him I would every one would do as much For though he answer'd little to the purpose yet what one cannot do singly many may There is the same method to be us'd against this person and matters must dâ— boldly asserted without coming to the point of close argument for mischief might come of it As for Richeome the Heretics are constrain'd to confess that the style is the genteelest of any that has lately become public at least the Preface and if they say 't is none of his yet it is his either by way of gift or purchase If the body of the work be dull and flat is it not a common Custom for the Youth of these times to wear the fore part of their Dublets of Satin and the hinder part of Canvass Does he not do well to bring three Battalions before the King to persuade him to admit the Jesuits Though in truth three Battalions of eight Thousand men apeice and fifty great Guns would be more persuasive and prove better Advocates then the book of truth defended Now in pursuit of my design I put on my Spectacles as when I play at Tables and viewing at hand these three Battalions in the first Rank I saw none but a Company of Whipper Snappers with Morrions guilt with leaf Gold But any thing for a Civil War At the head of 'em rode a fair Argument to prove Miracles Nature is able to perform this or that Such and such things have bin produced contrary to the order of Nature Ergo. The Miracles of Ardilliers are not false The Colours were of good Taffata He that carry'd the Collonel's colours having a mind to play the Coxcomb and flourish his Colours under Leg as they do at Paris strain'd himself so hard that he befowl'd himself This is the Confession of deceas'd Beza who bequeaths all to his Wife and the rest to the Franciscans dyes a good Roman Catholic and this is that which became of him I am told an old arch Heretic read this book with a great deal of pleasure I would make a slight answer but perhaps he will burst himself with laughing which would be an argument to prove Miracles which is the subject of the book I know abundance of Catholics look upon the supposition of his death as a strange thing But in a book that treats of wonders can any discourse be thought Miraculous For my part I affirm and maintain it to be as true as other Miracles That Beza is dead First by the argument by which we prove Transubstantiation God may cause him to dye Ergo he is dead Then again This book which is in the rank and number of Traditions ought to be sooner believ'd then the Bible as the Curate of St. Gervaise but lately preach'd Traditions said he are sooner to be believ'd then the Old New Testament provided that they are authoriz'd by Traditions and not Traditions by them More then this Beza is Civily dead by Banishment and Spiritually dead by Excommunication But grant he be not dead this news has always serv'd the news has bin still made use of like a Vultur's-skin to the stomach of some weak Catholics to advance the pious frauds of honest Mr. Cardinal according to this book and that of the deceased good Queen his Play-fellow Think you that that same book of St. Clement which Capil the Venetian found in the Isle of Crete has not mainly conduc'd to the establishing private Masses For all the World has not such a quick understanding when they see the letter by which St. Clement advertiz'd St. James of St. Peter's death to know that St. James was dead seven years before the other 'T is a great benefit for an ingenious man to understand who tells truth whether Anaclete who stiles himself Successour to Clement or Ireneus and Eusebius who say that Clement succeded Anaclete who notwithstanding that wrote a very compleat Letter to Clement after he was dead He speaks of the Temple of St. Peter but it was an hundred years before the Christians
of a Banker then a Scholar The Legend of the Saints is the Garden of the Soul Images are the Books of the Ignorant Yet in this Garden there are certain Herbs to be found which if they do no farther mischief yet cause a general stupidity A brave fellow who understands the fashion of the World knows what it is which the Country people call Robbery If he find that his disconsolate Soul is not able to change its way of living he may see in the Legend the bright example of a Knight who without mercy rob'd the poor as well as the rich and was acquitted for saying an Ave Marie once a day and it is indeed the general practice of the Souldiers at this time If a Lady of the Court find in her disconsolate Soul that she cannot pass for a devout Votaress and a voluptuous Liver both at the same time has she not wherewithal to comfort her like the Egyptian St. Marie who from twelve years of age till she was grown contemptibly old never refus'd any man in her life Are not the ancient Chronicles full of the noble acts of St. Mandlin Do not the Legendary Poets tell us how many persons of good Families have been forc'd by the power of her Enchantments to sell their Estates for her sake How many other couragious Blades have valiantly cut their own throats being jealous of her love and yet she was no sooner exhausted with age but she was presently canoniz'd If any poor Priest have not the pour to preserve his Chastity 't is his fault if he make not use of the Canon Si quis Presbyter Concubinam non habuerit and thereby be as shamelessly happy as Abbot Ephraim who made no scruple like Diogenes to supply his wants in the open Market-place There 's the Authority of the Chapter inter opera Charitatis where it is said that he that couples with a Magdalen multum profuit in remissionem peccatorum If any Bishop or Cardinal becomes amorous of his Page let him comfort himself after the Example of St. Francis who calls his Amours with Frier Maccus sacred As to what the said Book affirms that St. Francis was all inflam'd beholding Frier Maccus and that he often cry'd out the same day as the one held the Chalice and the other the little Cruises transported with the fury of his love praebe mihi teipsum there is much to be collected from thence I will tell ye bythe by that you may hence conjecture where Monsieur Confessor lays his foundation when he calls the Amours of Quailus and his Master Sacred and whence this Title was first deriv'd There is another book whom I have so often mention'd which they would fain have quite extirpated but the holy See would never permit the loss De Sparde was the first that labour'd in it these words Habeat jam Roma pudorem ejusmodi mores toto mundo prostituere desinat Let Rome at length be asham'd and cease to prostitute such Customes to all the World This is the book of Rates where a good Catholic may see the cheapness of sinning and observe in a moment the price of forgiveness Whoever shall deflour a Virgin shall pay six groats He that shall carnally know by consent of parties his own Mother his Sister his Cousin-German or his Godmother shall be acquitted for five groats but if it be known publicly in the Church not under six He that kills his Father or his Mother shall pay a Duckat and and five Cartines I could tell ye more but I shall rather let ye know that these things are to be seen in the Chapter of perpetual Expences The book was printed at Paris in the year 1570. by Toussain Denis in St. James-street at the Woodd'n Cross being entitl'd Cancellaria Apostolica A Poictovin asked me one day whether I could resolve him a quaint Question why Sodomites were more zealous against the Huguenots then any of the Roman Catholics I laugh'd at the Question at first but afterwards I call'd to mind what I had heard from the mouth of the brave Marshal d' Aumont There are none said he that so violently persecute us as these Sodomites and labour the utter expulsion of the Huguenots I remember'd also that there are not any who so earnestly solicited the King's Conversion as those who were most suspected for that Crime Which was the reason that I resolvâ—d to understand the Interest of these Monsieur Catamites You know said the Poictovin that there are several persons who are polluted with this peccadillo who though they do not over-credulously believe that there is any Hell or any Paradise yet being still in doubts and fears would as the Decretalists say make use of absolution by way of caution Now should a man come to an honest Divine and ask him by what means a detestable sinner may be sav'd He would reply by embracing the death of Christ with a true and sincere faith by praying with a contrite heart and a real repentance by relying upon the mercy of God and putting on a resolution of amendment of life and perseverance therein But the mischief is that the honest people of this age are not easily allur'd to furnish themselves either with this same Faith or Patience Then comes the holy See compos'd of persons of high birth that carry a great sway in public affairs who observing that such Soul-physic was not at all toothsome to great Personages and being unwilling that Beggars and Tatterdemallions should out-brave Kings and Grandees with their Theological vertues in the other World have found out a more pleasing and quaint Expedient For if you ask a Jesuit concerning that nice and intricate sin of Sodomy he 'l fit your humour better then a Country Parson He 'l send you to Cardinal Sourdis who by his Bull alone shall acquit ye both of Sodomy and Incest He will put about your neck a wreath of the last requests by Master Jacques David Bishop of Eureux If you are a French man he will bestow upon ye certain grains of Paradise out of the 19. Art will cause ye to say certain words out of the 7. Art as Domine Jesu suscipe and such like which are printed at Paris by And this Application rightly manag'd gives ye a full and absolute Indulgence and Remission of all your sins as well in reference to the Crime as to the Punishment Which is expresly quoted by Monsieur Confessor as a new thing For we said before that Antiquity durst not be so hardy nor adventurous Do ye think it strange then that the Religion of the Huguenots of which I will say what the learned Julian said of Christianism that it was the Religion of Beggars and Vagabonds I say do you think it strange that Kings Princes Prelats Cardinals Popes and other Grandees should from the bottom of their hearts abominate Huguenotism and Huguenots and embrace a kind and favourable Religion by the precepts and freedom whereof the gates of Paradise
to raise the Huguenots blood seeing so many lame blind deaf leaprous in mind as well as body flocking to our Lady of Ardilliers and the whole Level full of comers and goers who if they are not cur'd it is for want of Faith as Belovet told his Pilgrims And therefore you are not to be scandaliz'd to see the diseased return as they came for the operation of the Miracle never appears till after beleif Upon which score that Preist persuaded some of the blind to say they did see and some of the deaf to say they did hear when they did not He had never a trick in his budget to help the crooked and lame and therefore they had nothing to say but only this that they could not go at all before they were brought thither According to that Obedientiam expostulat Ecclesia Or as Bernardus Ochinus says That the Miracles of the Mass are invisible He that knows not his Trade must shut up his Shop Could but the Heretics convert into Miracles the Cures which are done at the Hot-baths they would have a fine time on 't and therefore our people have dextrously canoniz'd the foundations of Pougnes and every where else establish'd very passable natural Miracles It behoves us to give a small sample of the Miracles of our good Lady that shall endure to the Resurrection by the notable story ensuing Madam de la Chastre being become extraordinary jealous of her Husband and of one of her Daughters reconcil'd her self to the Sieur de Montigni to whom she had bin an utter Enemy before the Wars Neither was there any need of much invitation to recal him to her friendship in regard he was very much a freind to La Marcoussi The first office of Reconciliation was to kill La Berthelemy the Discoverer of the Amours of the Father and the Daughter And it was probable enough that the Murder would take effect in regard that she had in truth combin'd against Montigni After all satisfaction and content in the beleif of the execution comes post to the House riding a straddle Madam Avoy de St. Lawrence of the waters who after she had made the sign of the Cross began the harangues of Nathan and David Which being done these two fair Ladies resolve after Confession to go and do Penance at Ardeliers Madam Avoye causes a new habit to be got for her self the habit of Madam La Castre was put on by Suardaine and she put on the habit of Madam Avoye The Mistress call'd her self Madamoiselle de St. Lawrens La Sourdaine went by the name of Celestine Being come to Ardilliers the Curate of the place heard the Confession of the Murder with sighs and sobs but at length it was concluded first by the Curate and then by Celestine that our Lady should repair this loss rather by a Resurrection then by an Intercession By which means it came to pass that the poor which was thought to have bin buried was rais'd again through the merits of the Curate A most delicate Vision when after nine days Madam Celestine lying prostrate before the Altar her Mistress Madamoiselle St. Laurens holding the Curate by the tail that the Host for there were no other Witnesses should behold the plump La Berthelemie come from behind the Altar who throwing her winding sheet to the ground came forward to pardon her Mistress then habited like a penitent Sister who presently fell upon her knees before the naked Soul which she took at first for an apparition but finding her entire and every part safe and sound Madam Avoye ran to embrace her Madam La Chastre kiss'd her after that they interkiss'd one another and the Curate kiss'd 'em all four The main trouble was to cover the nakedness of the party risen for the Pilgrims were out of patience to find the Doors of the Chappel so long shut Thereupon Madam Avoye and Madam La Chastre divided their own Vestments Madam La Chastre gave her her Petty-coat and Celestine gave her her Cap and so they carry'd her crying out a Miracle a Miracle to the Curat 's House where Montigni lay conceal'd He that would know the rest of the story may see the Process in the Grand Council which will not be cancell'd this Shrovetide whatever it be the next The Heretics commenting upon the Story say That it was a Sheep which Montigni murder'd La Berthelemie her self had buri'd it in a Garret and afterwards Madam de la Chastre when she had danc'd the Canaries about the blood and sung an I am reveng'd La Berthelemie return'd and assisted to draw away the dead body and so threw it into the house of Office They say also that it was Montigni who caus'd Madam Avoye to take Post to scare that enrag'd Woman out of her house to the end that while she was from home they might the better send away La Berthelemy from Boyancy and convey her to Saumur where she might be useful to her Benefactor after her Resurrection in his Amours They say That the Curate of Ardilliers was pay'd in good flesh which La Berthelemy provided for him during the nine dayes but that he found Madam de St. Lawrence and Celestine so lean that he was satisfi'd with one meal I could tell ye the whole Story the Prisons broken the Skirmishes between the Guards of Mareschal de la Chastre and the Ladies Pages the Preparatives of Marcussi to poyson his Wife But the Secretary of Molier of Poictou has wrote a Relation thereof to celebrate the Miracle after which I was satisfi'd that it went somewhat beyond the limits of Theology I will conclude this Chapter with the Epitaph made at Ardilliers by Madam Avoye in the style of St. Innocent Here she lyes yet lyeth not A Mutton in her place was put Nor did Montigni as they cry Murder plump Barthelemie That she was kill'd is truely said Because she shew'd her self so busie To pimp for Wife of young Marcussi But the Preist of Ardilliers Rais'd her sweetly by his prayers When fifteen Months she had bin dead If you find this Sepulcher in any other place the treaty of Miracles requires it at your hands CHAP. VII Of the Relicques and Devotions of the deceas'd King ONe of the things which mov'd me most of all to contemn the Church was to read certain books which are utterly suppress'd heaven be prais'd at this time as the Book of the Merchands the Christian Knight Ransack and Fragments between the Pope and Christ But above all the Inventory of Relicques with several others which I will not name for fear of sending to read them Wits too curious of their Salvation and too much enclin'd to reject the works of authentic writers One day I saw an Austin Frier with a wallet on his back crying out Will ye buy any Paradise A Huguenot saw me scandaliz'd at the passage and took his time to shew me all those little books which I forbid all persons whatever for the
repose of their Consciences to read who intend to live at rest and quiet in the Catholic Religion It is known that I have bin thirteen times an Embassadour for which reason as I have travel'd at another mans Cost I have bin so ill adviz'd as to justifie this inventory of Relicques and another book entitl'd Le Cose mara vigliose del alma Città di Roma The wonderful things of our Mother Church of Rome printed at the same place Anno 1545. with Licence of the Superiours by Giovanni Osmarino Gigliolo This book confirms the Inventory which Calvin made This I found in my Travels and the reading of such books taught me to contemn the Relicques of Saints finding 15 or 16 Bodies of St. Peter 18 of St. Paul seaven or eight Bodies of every Saint ten thousand Martyrs buri'd in the compass of a small Chest the prints of the footsteps of our Lord and the Angels the prints of the Buttocks of St. Fiacre en Brie upon a stone At Josse in Auvergne in Catalogne and other places a linnen cloth of the Virgin 's own fowling when she might have made the same excuse that Rachel did The feathers of the Angel Gabriel The Hatchet of Joseph the Carpenter The stones of the Window where the Angel enter'd The Virgin 's Milk At Maillerais in una parva pursa satini Rubri the parings of her nailes Several heads of St. Denis and St. John in sundry places some of his blood which they say boils upon his Festival day and the sneezings of the Holy Ghost As I was a Heretic I laught at these things and wondred at such a dissipation of the members of the Saints especially when we reproach the Huguenots for having so far disturb'd their repose as they have done already I am also to desire the pardon of Monsieur Confessour For I must confess in good earnest in this Chapter That I have laught at the great blessings and benefits which he caus'd to be printed the last year for the reasons which the Reader shall find by what follows I have strange stories to tell to prove the virtue of Reliques For I protest I had rather see the Huguenots laugh at the great power and efficacies of St. Goyaux then publish such stories as these were they not common to Lacquayes and Pages For we ought to conceal the Vices of our Princes but since they are discover'd we must seek to defend them by the authority of the Statutes of the Holy See St. Luke was the first that discover'd the Mystery For he fled to Brouage when La Sarbarante and the Angel which he counterfeited to terrifie his Master and rescue his own Carcass were discover'd by his companion the Duke of Joyeuse Rochefort was too blame to make the Anagram of St. Luke Cats in cul He poor boy abominated that sort of Villany and was absolutely forc'd to it the first time the King causing him to take a book out of a Chest the cover of which the grand Prior and Carmelle clapt down upon his Reines and this they call'd privately among themselves taking the Hare in a trap So clear it is that this honest Gentleman was forc'd to the trade and thereupon so terrifi'd his Master that he had either sorely repented or dy'd for it had not the Duke of Joyeuse discover'd the enterprize to prevent the utter ruine of his fortune I do not think I do ill to discover the story of the Tapistry-maker for the King seeing him at the top of his two ladders wiping the dirt from the Candlestics became so enamour'd of him that he fell a weeping before he went forth and call'd out for Monsieur Le Grand to be sent for to him who to him himself discover'd the love of one ey'd Reveillon Captain of the Guides who was laid hold upon through impatience of expecting a young guide which he had promis'd and those Amours of the Duke and of Espernon and He when upon the very day of the death of the deceas'd King he fell upon his knees in the Chamber between the deceas'd King and him that is now living before two hundred Gentlemen and which is worse the greatest part of them Huguenots at what time he cryed out with tears in his eyes Cousin pardon me for the King forc'd me to it at first and I have not taken your place to do you any wrong Espernon asham'd but better adviz'd reply'd you talk like a Woman I know not what you mean Siblot at a public audience the King having sent for him to make sport and inform'd him touching Master who to cause him to restore a Livery Horse fail'd in his bargain to tax him with so much violence concerning his Governour but because he does not well explain his meaning I shall say no more of it However Loignac went away snobbing and crying all the way to Poictiers where being visited by the chief of the Town who thought him still in favour he made them sad complaints of his Honour lost and of his being turn'd out of Service and not paid almost all at the same time After came to light those of the Wife of Salettes by means of a Letter taken among the Baggage of the Duke of Joyeuse at Coutras St. Severine for this very act afterwards call'd the wild Colt having escap'd out of the King's Cabinet by the overturning of Duhalde and Soupitre who kept the doors of the two high Chambers fled among the Guards to tell the Marshal d'Aumont that the King had sent Montigni to find him out and that he joyful to be admitted into the Cabinet made hast away thither where the King demanding of him Who that Mistresâ— was for the sake of whose love he could never have his company and he again replying in brok'n French that if he had â— Mistress of Gold he would serve none but hiâ— Majesty the King made answer I find yoâ— take the Womens part but yet you aâ—â— not ignorant of the sacred and philosophâ—cal Love who I said St. Severin I am â— Souldier and no Philosopher Here thâ— dispute ended For at the same time thâ— Master laid hold of his Codpeice Montigâ— flew to his neck and Monsieur d'O to hâ—… points Now they run after the poor Gentleman to appease the Guards dissatisfi'd with his Hat and his Cloak The worst was that the old French-man had like to have kill'd him after he had heard his tale Swearing he 'd be hang'd if this were true More then that he must to Prison That imprisonment compleated the Tragedy He was kept close for a Month and some say longer True it is that afterwards he surrender'd himself to the Duke of Mayen but those of Paris not believing this story took him for a Zopyras and sent him to be kept in safe Custody at St. Germaines de Prez and some few Months after that he was slain together with two or three hundred Gentlemen more attempting to regain the City Stories like these and many
would speak the truth to the deceas'd King who desiring to have his charges defray'd by his Marshals of the Camp told him one day that he did more then God for he said by the labour of thy hands thou shalt live commodiously But you said he let your Marshals of the Camp live more then commodiously by that labour and calling of which they understood nothing At last Poncet was in a pelting chafe and reply'd that he discours'd like a Huguenot The other went on smiling and began to spend his rallery upon the Pythagorisms of the Chartreux and other honest fellows among the rest he did not forget Mr. Neither did he omit to tell us that Mr. de Bouchage being weary of the King's scourge and imprison'd between four screens made his Confession to one of his companions of the buttock-trade who having heard of the violences of the Cabinet persuaded him to forsake the World and urg'd it to him withal that if he would undergo a Capuchin's life for some time he doubted not but to see him Pope This is that which the Cunning-man Raoul has confirm'd to him and you shall see said Renardier that from hence in time he will return thither mark a fool's Prophesie Poncet and I laugh'd at him which made the good man very angry well said he you are a couple of as naughty Companions as Marshal Biron who scoff'd at poor Frier Ange when he went to act the Passion before the King at Chartres causing himself to be whip'd and carrying a Cross that would have weigh'd down Goliah There was Monsieur de Montpensier enquiring who was Master of the Ceremonies of this Mortality Sure 't was not he that flung away the spiggot of his Gascoigne Wine because that Monsieur Babelot told him it was fit to be the blood of a Martyr 'T was he that to get a good gobbet went to hear Vespers among the Austin Friers The Marshal thereupon drawing himself aside this widgeon said he I warrant ye fares well below the wast though paradventure he may miss of Paradise To whom the Duke return'd by St. Slash-back quo he this fellow plays well but that his Musick is a little too sharp It was a Cantle of Earth which he had rub'd off from an Oven as he drawl'd his Cross along for which the Baker was not forgetful with a good palt to make him sing Lacrimae Such as you were those devout Bishops of Lyonnois who called a Synod to reform the Custom of St. Anthony in that place They are oblig'd to make eight meals to shew the frailty of Mankind There were some Jesuits Frier minors and certain young Bishops who made smooth and long Harangs to shew that such Constitutions might be alter'd habita ratione temporum And that what our Ancestors had formerly done with a good intention was at this day ridiculous But to all these reasons the sub Prior of St. Anthony who was a great snoarer made answer only with one grave and remarkable Sentence Let us not intrude Innovations upon our Age. They began again a very fair speech against the scoffers of this Age but the sub Prior with four Chins retorted le le le le let us Hickup take care c. But you 'l say that under the umbrage of Devotion many great follies are committed By St. Anthony I know it well enough But it is none of the Churches fault Who has exclaim'd more then I against the King and his Minions who had like to have told i' my Pulpit the following Story The King falling in love at Lyon with the Wife of the Sieur The bargain being made with the woman by the Count of Maulevrier the next thing was how to cajole the Husband out of the way so jealous that he refus'd an honourable Employment and a profitable Commission as to the Salt of Peccaise to boot Thereupon he applies himself to a Franciscan Confessor to the jealous Husband declaring to him that the Chief men of Lyon had their Eye upon this poor man as looking upon him to be a Heretic because he was not of the Fraternity of the Penitents To the point answer'd the Cordelier Sir I am no such fool to suspect you of Devotion Speak to me in the Language of St. Francis and you shall find that the Franciscans are good Companions By all that 's vertuous then reply'd the Count we have a private kindness for his Wife and there are thirty Crowns for thee To which the Franciscan get ye gone quo he like Lords as ye are and leave the business to me Six days after that you might have seen the poor Gentleman in the Vestry preparing to carry the Cross as the youngest Novice In the mean time the King the Count and Clermont d'Entragues go to play their Game and in a short while after they saw through the Window of the Chamber the Procession and the Cross-bearer who in the midst of his devotions could not choose but have strange Whimseys and Imaginations in his head which so intoxicated his Pericranium that he fell in a Swoon before his own door Thereupon the Procession stop'd to change the Cross-bearer There was now a necessity to open the door and to hide the three Adventurers in the best manner they could in a small Compting-house Where they had bin in great danger but that the Franciscan and one of his Brethren over-rul'd the devout Cuckold that it was a religious duty incumbent upon him to carry back his habit to the Vestry Who has exclaim'd more then I against the deceas'd King who carry'd the names of his Minions in his prayer books illuminated with the light of St. Francis Did I not know the Dutchess of Guize and Nevers who carry'd Roquemont and the Baron of Fumel painted in the Crucifix both in their Prayer-books and Cabinets and they their Mistresses also in the same manner like the Virgin Mary But you other Heretics you do ill to blame the Church for this I broke the design of Poncet by saying that the invention of Habits and prayer-Prayer-books is no way guilty of ill Customs But to reimburse ye both for your unlucky tales I will tell ye one spick and span new What was the reason think ye that the Count de la Chapelle forsook the World Whuh said Renardier that was because the Cardinal of Florence fool'd him and promis'd he should be Pope With that I shook my head Why no said Poncet as well as Pope who was taken up at the door a poor boy because the Cardinals she-monky fell in love with him Some say she lov'd him for the number of Lice he had about him However it were being once well cleans'd and furbish'd up he pleas'd his Master was afterwards advanc'd and call'd Cardinal della Simia and last chos'n Holy-Father At what time the College check'd him that he had made a Beggar and an ignorant Fellow Cardinal he reply'd 't is but the same that ye found in me and if he live
had any Church I alleg'd these things in imitation of that pious Father who living three hundred years before Constantine nevertheless is so prudent as to call Byzantium Constantiople to the end ye may not laugh at the letter which wrote to the Virgin Mary and that other which J. C. wrote to the three honest Catholics under the Cross at Azè in Poictou op'nly read by the Curates of the Parishes But not to injure the Chapter of Miracles and to shew you that I was not converted out of Ignorance I have read almost all Bellarmin and I took great care being resolv'd upon my Conversion not to meddle with Whitaker Lambert or Reynolds I have read the Declamations and Fictions of Campanus where I saw so many Martyrs of the new Catholic Church 'T is the best way to read that book without examination I did more for I stop'd my Eares against a Heretic that would have made me believe all those Martyrs to be lyes and fables alleging that there were two Characters of Martyrdom the one that it must be purely for Religion and the other that it be at the Parties own choice whether he will live or dye I began to swear that the Queen of Scot's was a true Martyr Oh said the Heretic what a miserable Religion is yours that hath no Martyr purer then a Homicide nor any more chast then a Strumpet I could have found i' my heart to have bang'd him but he was a man of the Sword I have read the Amorous Sermons of M. S. Panigarole but cannot find what the Heretics report of his Catamit As to his Mistress indeed ye say something for whose sake he begins one of his Sermons thus 'T is for you fair one that I dye Nor can I find fault with his Complement for presently after he added said Christ to his Church He was a bold Preacher yet not so bold neither but that I have read in some of his Sermons preach'd at Turin that although the Saints were Canoniz'd he did not beleive them all to be in Paradise A wary man not to be a general voucher for every body I have read the Thundring Sermons of the Bishop of Bizonte which hard'nd my heart for the Massacre at hand Whoever read a more substantial Clause then this Che la crudelta loro era pietosa That their Cruelty was Mercy I have read the writings of Reboul who has told tales out of School because he had bin whip'd there That book will serve excellently well for a Farce after those Tragedies which afflict the squeamish raw Conscience of a Convert newly gall'd with his Conversion I have read Dr. Boulanger who has written like a Devil all ran dan and without premeditation they that will not believe me may beleive their own eyes He is better skill'd in Logic now then when he disputed at Miot and had he now to do with that blind zealot he would conundrum him in another manner then he did For he has answer'd the Preface of Duplessis at least he gives him good words being resolv'd like the chief Captains of the holy Party to observe this maxim That in great undertakings 't is enough to shew a good intention In the same manner I could not forbear laughing when I read the I'ambonicum of Michau against him 'T is well known that the Sorbon has forbid him to write upon a Letter of M. Confessour But in the reply of Michau I blame him for saying That the Boulangers are of Troye in Champagne He was ignorant that they came from Lyons where they could not stay as being too near Provence where they had seen M. Auguste upon the Scaffold or upon the Ladder I read the beginning of Doxemel but he put me out of humour At first I was pleased with young Sponde's manner of arguing for we have a young Sponde as well as a young Nostredamus They say the Widow wrote it which causes many to admire because it was verily thought that she had made all public before I have not spoken at all concerning the Treatises of the Husband because the first disgrace the later which do not seem to be made with so good a will nor in so good an humour as the first Those are full of discourse enliv'nd only by pomp of words the first moving and persuasive ad fidem faciendam But the young man treating of consecrated Church-yards draws from the sum of his discourse this consequential Argument The Jews were very curious in reference to their Sepulchers The Turks account their Sepulchers Holy and go in Pilgrimage to Mecca The Pagans erected lofty Pyramids canoniz'd their dead and ordain'd them Supplications Ergo The Christians ought to do the like in imitation of the Jews Turks and Pagans But not to bereave any person of the honour which is due to him we are well assur'd that this was the off-spring of M. Raymund's brain or rather of his Host who is also reported to have made the preliminary Epistle to Richeome Let it be as it will both together have taught me very fine fancies First that it is a duty to carry the Pope upon our Shoulders Thus the Pagans exalted their Druids and Vestals The Romans were carry'd by their Slaves in Litters The Chineses in Tunquin carry their Religious Orders a Cock loft in the same manner and the Country people in Xantoigne upon their wedding days are hoisted after the same fashion as it is also the Custom in Lorrain Ergo We are to carry the Pope Cardinals and Bishops upon our Shoulders to shew our selves Pagans like the Chineses or Slaves as among the Romans or else in imitation of the Courtly fashion of the Country Bumpkins of Xantoigne and Lorrain The same Author tells That Madam Simonite he meant Sunamite kiss'd Elisha's feet Ergo all Kings who are Simonites ought to kiss the Pope's feet This Monsieur Raymund and his Companions speak very well to the Huguenots and their printed Complaints by declaring to them that they do not complain without a cause For as Raymund says to Rabesne contentiously wrangling to make a Huguenot Lady lose the Guardianship of her Children The Laws are not to be observ'd according to humour or to please proscrib'd persons and afterwards solliciting to have a Huguenot put to death for a Murder which a pious Catholic had committed we need not make any scruple to destroy the Estates of those whose lives are under Condemnation or to cut off particular Members where the Body is under the general attainder of the Church I have also read a book much after the same rate and which I believe to be a chip of the same block mainly endeavouring to extirpate the memory of Papes's Joan. And to shew you that I have studi'd and that I keep a Correspondence with the Learned I have sent him an Epigram upon this subject which begins Foemina quod mentita virum to which I expect his answer CHAP. VII Of the Arrogance of the Huguenots IF