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A59395
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Several weighty quæries concerning Heraclitus and the Observator in a dialogue betwixt Timothy the corn-cutter and Mr. Scruple
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1681
(1681)
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Wing S2816; ESTC R11433
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2,125
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2
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SEVERAL Weighty Quaeries Concerning Heraclitus and the Observator IN A DIALOGUE BETWIXT Timothy the Corn-Cutter and Mr. Scruple Timothy MR. Scruple Mr. Scruple whither in such hast what 's that you have got under your Arm in that Green Bag there Mr. Scruple Only a few Quaeries or Cases of Conscience that have stuck so in my Throat these three days I could get nothing down for 'em and I 'le take my Oath I believe I have tumbled over all Bishop Hall's Cases Bishop Sanderson Doctor Hammond besides abundance of Foreign Casuists and yet not one of 'em touches upon any one particular Case of mine Timothy Why prethee what are they let 's see ' um Mr. Scruple Why Sir first 1. Whether Heraclitus be a Man or a Woman as one notably suggested the other day he rails so much like a Billings-gate scold 2. Whether he be one individual Animal or that several Clubb to the production of this Monster every one spitting his Venom till the Baggs full as once upon a time all the Gods met and Piss't in an Oxes Hide for the making that huge Fellow Orion Tim. Why a'y they say there 's Lawyers Divines Brewers-Clerks and the Devil an all concern'd in the spawning of that Pamphlet Mr. Scruple Ah Tim and thirdly 3. Whether that do not evidently appear from the variety and incoherency of the Stile and the Frothiness of it is not an infallible sign that it is wrought off in a Tipling House by these Tankard-bearers of Helicon as they say the reason of so many Monsters in Africa proceeds from the drougth of the Country and the flocking of Beasts of different Kinds to one and the same Fountain and their coupling promiscuously 4. Whether these Virtuoso's Write for Bread or Wine Tim. Why to my Knowledg for all their Noise the poor Rogues are forc't to keep more Fast-days then the Church enjoyns Mr. Scruple 5. Whether their Raillery and all that be not pick't out of Poor Robin who got an Estate and left off and their Politicks out of Mr. Hobbs of the Civil War and these stitcht together with the Course Thread of T. B's Brain and the business is done 6. Whether he of Heraclitus's Gang t'other day deserv'd to be Hang'd or Drown'd who when the Secretary to the Cabal scrupled the putting in a confounded Lye cry'd Dam it in with it it will make the Whiggs stare and serve to fill up at the Woman said when she Piss't into the sea 7. Whether it were such Geese as these that saved the Capital 8. Whether Coleman and the Jesuites wan't Fools to these two new Champions who have set up Protestant English Colours in a Popish Privateer and under the greatest pretence of zeal for the Church of England have made us lose the scent of the Popish Plot and instead of that have most wonderfully found out another of their own makeing Heraclitus and Observator 9. Whether Heraclitus's gang be Atheists Jews Turks or Infidels 10. Whether that Elegant Phrase of Greek-speaking Hickringil T. B. and the Taylor 's Wife did not call an excellent Joak 11. Wether this Club may not one day come to make a true lovers knot at Tyburn Tim. But pray proceed to the Observator Mr. Scruple 1. Whether he had not like to have said his Prayers under the Gallows 2. Whether the Observator ought not to be kept from Pen Ink and Paper as Mad-men are from Knives and Sizzars 3. Whether the Observator has not the Throat and Stomach of an Ostrich he can swallow and digist such woundy hard lies and whether any thing can ever Choack him but a Roap Tim. Ha ha ha that 's as pretty a Quere as Jack Ketch put to one to'ther day whether he might with a safe Conscience let Colledg Blood this hot weather or no Mr. Scruple 4. Whether the Observator be not a compendium of Law and Politicks Tim. Why I 'le tell you what I heard a fellow say that he had rather hear the Observater read once than Baxter Preach 16 times and another of my acquaintatce was so far transported with the spirit of Toryism that he said he never desired any more than 3 Books in his Family the Bible Whole Duty of Man and the Observator Our Church-Warden never goes to Church without one in his Pocket partly as an Antidote against Whiggism but chiefly to read if the Ministers should chance to be Dull Besides I 've heard that several Ministers of State beyond Sea have them always conveyed to 'em by which as by the Weather-Glass they know whether it will be Foul or Fair Weather in England Why a' my Conscience they are of as much use to the Nation as the Coco Nut is to the Indians or the Palm-Tree to the Aegyptains of the Branches they make Bedsteds of the Leaves Fans Here you have all Law Points discours'd your ratling Metaphors your Ginger-Bread simileis your Concise and Flored Fetches and Reportees and as good English Divinity as is to be found in St. Austins and for Flashy Wit I 'de turn Towzer loose to any Whelp in Christendom why as I live and breath it makes a man fit for any company Mr. Scruple But hold good Tim. a word with you 5. Whether these Vomitings of the Observator which he is troubled with twice a Week do not argue him in a desperate condition 6. Whether Heraclitus and the Observator that Work and Drudge in the Popish Mines wont have least of the Oar 7. Whether if Heraclitus and the Observator should meet Lucian and Hobs in the other World they would not shake hands together 8. Whether that story be true that the Observator is so intoxicated with his late present out of Cambridge Shire that he is going to bind up all his sheets in Super Royal Paper and present them and that they are to stand next to Dr. Heylins History of Presbytery 9. Whether Sed. Col. Camb by sending the Observator into the World have yet fully aton'd for Oliver Cromwel who had his education there But honest Tim. I am in hast and so are you Farewel LONDON Printed for Mathew Burdid 1681.