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A70528 The last words of Thomas Lord Pride taken in short-hand by T.S., late clerk to his Lordship's brew-house. T. S. 1659 (1659) Wing L534A; ESTC R41176 8,646 8

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dead and thence men call me one of the seven deadly sinnes they may as well call me one of the seven Wisemen or one of the seven Planets or seven Wonders of the World But if we credit such as Hee 't is a very hard thing not to be a King They 'll prove if you 'll pay them that Rhombus and Remus that founded Rome were of English extraction I know not whether we had the same Mother but 't is said many of us had the same Nurse But I never ca●'d three pence for their Praise therefore I pray ye vex not my Corps with a huge Monument which cannot protect it self nor me and many a man's Bones had slept in quiet if his prating Tomb had not told where he lay And trouble not my Ghost with any of their Elegies Latin or English they make a man but laught at and are not worth a handfull of Graines I do not mean Mr George VVithers for He got the Statute Office by Riming he hath now told that Office but when will he sell his Verses a Statute lyes upon them so as no body will buy them 'T is not a Month since one of the State 's Poets brought mean Anagram for me and my Wife but I hear those Anagrammers should be all fetcht into a Court of Wards for although they have not Wit enough for Lunatiks they are dull enough for Idiots But now they 'll all at me what a heap of paltry Quibbles and Clenches will they throw upon me you 'll hear them cry Now Pride hath a fall Now there are but six deadly sinnes O Sir are you there with your Beares They but saw me stand holding my Crab-tree cudgell upright and they cry'd Lo there 's the Bear and the ragged staff How have they dragg'd my poor Name set me back from P to B to make me born in Bride's Church Porch 't is false and Non-sence to call me BR●DE though my Wife was so when I led her to Church I know they 'll tell you of my Letter to a Friend where instead of my best Beer I wrote that I had sent my best Bear But all Letters Books are false there 's none of them honest except the Bible I have an Abridgement of an English Chronicle which drowns the Duke of Clarence in a Rundlet of Malmsey the Duke might as soon be drownd in a Thimble but perhaps t is a whole Tonn in the Chronicle for my book is but a ' ●itome Hang Names and Words Greek and Latin will not make an honest man and a man may speak Truth without true spelling I remember when I dined with the Florida Ambassadour at Alderman Nowel's where we had Florence wines I told the Alderman that when that Ambassadour got home to his Countrey he might send us more of that Florida wine They all smil'd but whar car'd I 't were not two pence to me if Florida were in Italy and Florence in the Indies they should remember I was a Brewer not a Vintner But I am posting thither where there are no Quibbles though I fear in the weak condition I am now I my self have bin forc'd upon many for Dying men talk idly and he that is sick and talks much can hardly escape from Quibbles or Non-sence And I hope you 'll pardon my baiting your Patience so long with the Beares consider it was the great Action of my Life and the onely thing in the opinion of many that would lye upon my Conscience I confesse I thought the Lease of my Life had not b'n expir'd there is Breath enough in the world but I must have no more of it For Dea●h Death is the grand Malignant and a Malignant Feaver is his Lievetenant Generall and which is worse this New Disease is his Major General a Disease which sweeps through all Counties of England And though the Weekly Bills of Mortality know not us who dy in the Countrey yet t is my comfort I dye here in my own House at Non-such 'T was the Kings House and Queen Elizabeth lov'd this above all her Houses and some say my wife looks like that Queen though the old Earl of Manchester was said to look like Her That Queen might look like whom she pleased for She by Proclamation for bad any to draw her Picture but I would not have my Wife like both Her and Him and so make her a ' Maphrodite She hath brought me divers Sons and I leave them good Estates I hope I do and would gladly leave a good name to keep them company The very Malignants say my Sons are civil persons But should I live a thousand yeares they would not say so of me I think 't would not trouble them to see me renew acquaintance with my Sling But how many know yee that raised like me to Power and Command have willingly returned to the place from whence they came They talk indeed of a Roman Generall who came from the Plough Dick Tator I think they call him who having beat the Enemy went home to the Countrey rich and renowned for a very wise man And they say if that pittifull pilchard Massanello who had a hundred thousand at his pleasure had left his command hee had not been rewarded with a musquet bullet but had been honoured with a statue of Gold 'T is true the Queen of Sweden though born a Kings Daughter resign'd her Crown and vows shee never lived happy til now But her Successor love's Kingdoms better then so and will onely have as many as hee can get Hee soon swallow'd Poland and as soon disgorgd it and is now in Danemark holding two Forts with two hard names which stand like our Graves-end and Tilbury and had he strength to take Ours too I think in my Conscience hee would make us all Danes Hee has many Designs but all my Design is onely to save my Estate and my Soul Indeed heretofore I had some little Plotts but they did not all take I thought to make the same Horses serve both for my Coach and Dray but I found my Dray-horses were too high shod and I might as well have Harness'd the Beares And yet I know what belongs to Horses for I was the first brought Horses into Paul's and those Horses brought Saddles for a Sadler hath set up another Exchange there I was told Epsham water might do mee good but I durst not take it having us'd the Vicar so very severely lost that Parish Priest should unhallow the Well and to say truth from my Youth I never used to drink Wa●er My Youth minds mee of the late Earle of Pembroke for w●●n hee lay dying as I do now I went to visit him and when they to●● him Colonel Pride was there for then I was but Colonel who 〈◊〉 said hee Pride oh a precious Youth But what had hee to do with my Youth had I such strength and health as in my Youth I would no● change with any Lord in England I now die a Lord and had I l●●●● 〈◊〉 long as that Earle I might have been an Earle as well as hee And 〈…〉 first of all the new Lords whereby you 'll see whether our Sonn● … eed us in the Peerage I would have no Barons Warr though I fea● a world of Doubts will be rais'd about the Other House They 'll pu● it to the question Whether our House bee within the Act against 〈…〉 Buildings and if within the Act Whether as built upon a new f●●●dation or because 't is a Cottage Then after the Foundation have a●●he Roof Whether it be Tyled or Tbatcht I do not mean by Wat Tyler or Jack-Straw Whether it bee the Vpper House or a Garret where old Shooes old Casks such Lumber is plac'd Whether this High Court bee a Court of Warr where none sit but Officers with a hundred such questions too many for a Dying man to remember And truly himself have been much puzzled with this Other House for the Common 〈…〉 House ours is the other 〈◊〉 is one House 〈…〉 other who can 〈…〉 ●rewhouse hee 〈◊〉 if I mean to 〈…〉 ●ouse then goes he to Kingston when he return● I send him to my 〈◊〉 House then goes hee to London and when hee comes back I bid him 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 to Kingston or London but to the other House and then must hee ●arch to Edenburgh Thus a man must run though two Nations ere 〈◊〉 can finde this other House for this is the other and that is the other and all are the other House though sure our House of Peers is such as … ere cannot be such an other House I hope 't is no offence in mee to co●pare the House of Lords to a Brewhouse for I am of both Houses 〈◊〉 ●ow how men are at work in both what great Heats are often in bo●● how in both they all work for one man yet every man for himself with twenty more things wherein the two Houses agree The difference is that wee took the Engagement against a House of Lords but not ag●●nst a Brew-house But that was meant of the old House of Peers not the new and a new House is worth two old ones for the Stare hath a whole years Rent of a new House if it stand within ten miles of London But alas my good Friends I am now going to the Lower House whithe● we all must go sooner or later and the best greatest Lord of us all had other go to the other House then to the other VVorld for no Brew-house 〈◊〉 there but a great hot Oven that will never be cold Therefore take ●●●d for as we Brew so must we Bake FINIS