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book_n	church_n	king_n	time_n	2,805	5	3.3508	3	true

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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A66707	Poor Robin's jests: or, The compleat jester Being a collection of several jests not heretofore published. Now newly composed and written by that well-known gentleman, Poor Robin, knight of the burnt island, and well-willer to the mathematicks. Together with the true and lively effigies of the said author. Licensed Feb. 2. 1666. Roger L'Estrange.	Poor Robin.; Winstanley, William, 1628?-1698.	1667 (1667)	Wing W3075A; ESTC R221040	62,408	171

so well knew a● the World me thinks you might easily find the way out of a Wood. Dr. Donne DR Donne having privately married Si● George Moors daughter whose name was Anne falling into his Fatherinlaw● displeasure he with a Diamond-ring wrote thus on the glass-window John Donne Ann● Donne done and undone Of Pope Adrian POpe Andrian the sixth being minde● to throw Pasquins Image into Tyber● to take away the cause of Libelling which was then used under the name of th●● ●mage The Duke of Sesa said unto him ●f your Holiness throw Pasquin into Tyber he will then turn Frog and croke both day and night whereas now he only crokes a day time The Pope and St. Peter IT is said of a certain Pope that when he was dead he went to Heaven●ates and knocked there St. Peter de●anding who he was he said the last de●eased Pope then said St. Peter If you be ●he Pope why do you knock since you ●ave the keys to come in at your pleasure ●o whom the Pope answer'd that his Prede●essors indeed had the keys but since that time ●e wards were alterd The Spanish Bishop and Shepherd A Spanish-Bishop seeing a Shepherd sunning himself said unto him I wonder ●at Shepherds now adays are not as they ●ere in time past when great Prophets ●nd Kings refused not to keep Sheep and ●o them also the Angels told the birth of ●ur Saviour to whom the Shepherd an●●er'd Neither are Bishops now adays as in old ●●me at divers of whose deaths Bells are said to ●ng of themselves and now can scarcely be ●●de to ring with mens strength Bishop Bonner BIshop Bonner being at the time of the Reformation degraded from his Bishoprick one thinking to put a jest upon him desired a piece of his tippet to heelstall his hose to whom Bonner answer'd that his tippet was not fit for that purpose but told him he had a foolish head of hi● own which would serve very well to line his Hat Another time riding abroad one met him and said good morrow Bishop Quondam to whom Bonner replyed Adi●● knave semper idem The Spanish-Fryar A Spanish-Fryar had a Bishoprick in India granted unto him but he desiring not to go out of his own Country th●● spake to the Kings Secretary Sir knowing that a Bishops place is a dangerous thing 〈◊〉 undertake and being conscious of my own insufficiency I am in the mind that to take i● upon me is the high-way to Hell and to go to Hell by India is a great way about wherefore I pray assign me some nearer Sea or no● at all The Bishop and his Chaplain A Bishops Chaplain helping his Lord on with his Rotchet it being the first time ●nd he not very perfect at it he said unto him My Lord methinks your Sleeves are ●ery strait True answer'd the Bishop for I have been these twenty years in getting them 〈◊〉 and never till now could do it Reason for this ANother said that the chief reason why the Anabaptists would have had the ●ells down out of the Churches was because of the Ropes being conscious to them●elves what they had deserved A useless Library A Scholar having a great Library and seldome or never coming at it to Study one said unto him It seems Sir that 〈◊〉 and your books are at a truce Peter Martyr PEter Martyr Chronicler to the King of Spain having a long time sued for a ●ishoprick and hearing at last that four Confessors were made Bishops at once ●aid Faith amongst so many Confessors one Martyr would have done very well The Bishop and Student A Young Student in Spain for some ● demeanors he had committed ● summoned before a Bishop who had a ve● reverend beard who after several Reaso● and Arguments in his defence at last ple●●ed Conscience What you talk of Co●science saies the Bishop and have never beard yet I cry you mercy quoth the S●●dent then for I perceive if Conscience g●● beards your Lordship hath got a very large 〈◊〉 A Request answered ONe desired a Gentleman to speak ● him to a certain Bishop that his Lo●●ship would be pleased to forgive him a De●● to whom he answer'd his Graces power ● to bind and not to loose The Abbot and the Messenger THere was a Bishop that sent six ● Capons to an Abbot whereof the Messenger eat up one of them by the way The Abbot having read the Bishops Letter and understanding that he had sent him ● Capons bid the Messenger thank his Lordship from him for five of them and as for t● sixth pray thank him thy self King Henry the eighth and the Abbot HEnry the eighth being abroad on hunting through the eager pursuit of his Game lost his attendants at length he wandred to the Abby of St. Albans where unknown he dined with the Abbot and fell so stoutly on that the Abbot taking notice thereof said he would give a hundred pound he had so good a stomach for quoth he my stomach is so queasie that I am ready to Surfeit with the pestle of a Larke or the wing of a Partridge The King remembring his words the next day sent for him up by a couple of Pursevants and without shewing any reason clapt him in the Tower where he was fed for a Fortnight with onely bread and water at last the King sent him a Rib of roast Beef on which he fed so heartily and made so deep an impression that the King stepping from his Coverture wherein he stood to see what the Abbot would do demanded of him his hundred pounds saying Since I have been your Physitian and recovered your stomach pay me my mony which the Abbot was forced for to do Another of King Henry the eighth and the Abbot of Glastenbury THe same King Henry having a months ●●nd to the Abbot of Glastenburies Esta●e who was one of the richest Abbots in England sent for him to his Court and told him that without he could resolve him three Questions he should not escape with his life The Abbot willing to get out of his clutches promised his best endeavours The Kings Questions were these First of what compass the world was about Secondly how deep the Sea was and Thirdly what the King thought The Abbot desired some few days respite which being granted he returned home but with intent never to see the King again for he thought the questions impossible to be resolved This his grief coming at last to the ears of his Cook he undertook upon forfeiture of his life to resolve those Riddles and to free his Master from danger The Abbot willingly condescended So the Cook got on the Abbots cloaths and at the time appointed went to the Court and being like the Abbot in Physiognomy was taken by all the Courtiers to be the same man when he came before the King omitting other circumstances h● thus resolved his three questions first of what compass the world was about he said It was but twenty four hours journey and

MS Phale Company Enter ● Cave they meet a Solitary M Delegaard Returns back M.S. Phale Receives a letter M.S. Phale Examins the Footman that bro by ● Let from her ●ro●●● M. Ponsin Gives his Mother acc● ● of M.S. Phale's Rescue POOR ROBIN'S JESTS OR The Compleat Jester Being A Collection of several Jests not heretofore published Now newly composed and written By that well-known Gentleman Poor Robin Knight of the burnt Island and well-willer to the Mathematicks Together with the true and lively Effigies of the said Author Licensed Feb. 2. 1666. Roger L'Estrange LONDON Printed for Francis Kirkman and Richard Head To the Intelligible Reader DId not Custom claim an Epistle I might have saved my self this labour of writing one and yet let me tell thee that good Wine may be sold within although there hangs no Bush at the door Now thou dost expect I suppose that I should say something of these Jests if I should tell thee that they were all good I think thou wouldst not believe me and if thou shouldst say they were all bad I profess I should not believe thee I suppose they are not like to the women in the World because here is more good ones then bad ones whereas amongst them there is more bad then good if after the perusal of them thou finde fault reflect upon thy self whether thou hast not more Vices then Vertues within thee and forbear to censure too rigidly lest a wiser head then thy own commending them thou for thy pains be accounted a fool But me thinks I hear some long-ear'd fellow to say that the most of these are but Collections the Works of other men and therefore the less to be regarded why Apes-face let me ask thee this Question Is the Honey the worse because the Bee sucks it out of many flowers or is the Spiders Web the more to be praised because it is extracted out of her own Bowels Wilt thou say the Taylor did not make the Garment because the Cloath it was made of was weaved by the Weaver 'T is true many of these Jests were delivered before by others but with so much prolixity and in such a rough stile as was both tedious and unpleasant to the Reader but now they are so ordered that the worst of them all may pass with approbation if thou doest not marre their sence by thy ill-favour'd reading of them which if thou shouldest do in my hearing I profess as I am a true man an honest man and no Taylor I should be very angry with thee for thy labour And now let me tell thee that besides the old here is a great many new ones yea spick and span new scattered amongst the others like Plumbs in a Cake to make the old ones to relish the better and indeed Jests are like Cakes which should have in them the sweet Plumbs of pleasant language spiced with delight and sugered with pleasure but the nearest resemblance is that Jests and Cakes are both of them best when they are broken Now if thou likest them so if thou dislike them then so so but if thy teeth stand like an old Park-pale here one rotten and there one out forbear to read them before thy Sweet-heart lest when thou grinnest thou discover so much as to help thee thou be forced to flee to the old Proverb for refuge That those whose teeth are out kiss softly Much more might be said if there were a necessity for it but if thou beest not wise then thou art otherwise now if thou beest wise then a word to the wise is sufficient and if beest otherwise all the words that I can use will not make thee a wise man Next a word or two to the women and then I will conclude Two sorts of the Female Sex would I advise by all means not to read this Book viz. those women that have made their Husbands Cuckolds and those that paint their faces For the first sort those women that wear Cork-shooes which makes them to be light-heel'd let them not dare to touch it lest they meet with some passages in it which may make them to blush as red as if they had been drinking of burnt-Claret when they consider with themselves that by their doing and being done their Husbands who had they had honest Wives might have lived and dyed handsome fine smooth-foreheaded men now by these wag-tails are metamorphosed into such-kinde of Creatures as Bulls Oxen Stags Rams Goats Humble-bees and Snayles Then for those that paint their faces if they should laugh themselves into an extraordinary Sweat it might chance to spoil their complexions by reason of their Fucus melting off let them therefore forbear forewarn'd forearm'd for all other sorts of women let them read and welcome laugh till they bepiss themselves it is but washing their Smocks again so fall too and much good may it do you Yours in all civil Mirth POOR ROBIN Will. Summers in Commendation of this Book I Who did live i' th' days of eighth King Harry That in his time six several wives did marry And oft did make him laugh his belly full With Jests I put upon Cardinal Wol-Sey do now appear again in print For this same Book to tell you what is in 't 'T is with a medley of such queint Jests stor'd The best that any Age did yet afford For other Commendations it don't need them They 're good upon my word and therefore read them Scoggin on the Book I Nither to have lived in great fame But these queint Jests will quite eclipse my name And put me down so far they do excel Even as a Bucket is put down a Well For those whose Wits are dull whose brains are dry Here is at least a twelve-months fresh supply Me thinks I see when Tom and Will doth read them How all the Company with attention heed them Such store of mirth it breeds when they sit quaffing That Jenny breaks her twatling-strings with laughing My Commendations of them in this Verse Is like my greazing the fat Sow o' th' Ar For they are stor'd with so much mirth sport The longest Verse doth in their praise come short Dick Tarlton on the Compleat Jester NExt to Will Summers and my Brother Scoggin Let me amongst the rest put my dry bob in For you will say there were some reason for 't If you had seen me in Queen Besses Court Where I did live in great renown and bravery And pleas'd most people with my harmless kna But some will say what needeth all this clatter Here 's nothing hath been spoken to the matter 'T is true indeed the thoughts of my past glory Had made me almost quite forget my story Which was if I am not therein mistook To give my approbation of this Book All I shall say is those that discommend it Let them if they can do the same come mend it Pasquil upon the following Jests MY being was i' th' days of Mother Bunch Who sold good Liquor Sider

Ale Punch Metheglin Perry Vsquebah and Coffee As good as ere was drunk by Persian Sophy And sometimes Brandy Chocolet Stepony Which thither did invite many a Croney Where whilst they sat a drinking of their Ale Each man by turns did tell a merry tale Which I had printed in one Book for sport too Neither in Twelves nor Octo but in Quarto That Book of mine and if you do resort to 'T will make you laugh and smile and if not fart too But yet I must confess I can't deny it This following Book unless I should bely it Surpasses mine in so many degrees As Water is by Wine or Chalk by Cheese Long-Meg of Westminster on the Book AMongst the men next give a woman place too Who once did live in great renown and grace too And for being tall and kept a filthy stir Men stiled me Long-Meg of Westminster Many mad pranks I plaid and many a gamble Whilst in this lower Orbe I had my ramble For which my name grew great and thundred so Lowder then Cannon-shot or Bell of Bow And be it known unto all Christian people It mounted higher far then is Pauls-steeple That since the days Eve woo'd our father Adam Was never known a stouter strapping Madam But now I fear as sure as Egs are Egs too And that mens Bodies are born by their Legs too These Jests puts down my fame have me out-stripped As School-boys puts down hose when they are whipped Hobson the merry Londoner in praise of this Book FOrth from the hollow Caverns of old Tellus I come to spend my breath like winde from Bellows To tell the world this Book it hath no f●llows Read it 't will cure the jealous of the Yellows The rich of Pride the sad of Melancholy The poor of Spleen the simple-man of folly It is the onely Vniversal Doctor 'T will cure thee of the P if thou hast knockt her There 's no disease of care nor yet of grief too But reading this it gives the minde relief too Then if for to be cur'd thy minde be willing Pull out thy purse the price is but a shilling Archy in praise of this Book AMongst the train of nimble wits next march I King Charles the Martyrs Jester famous Archy Valiant I was as was french Knight de Amadis And full of mirth as Egge-shell with meat cramb'd is And which o' th' matter sets a higher rate too Jested my self into a good Estate too Now since my censure must pass on this Book I durst avouch if that thereupon you look You 'll finde rare jocund tales both new old too By several men and at several times told too For what Taylor of Coriats works once utter'd Th' were good as tosted Cheese or Fish that 's butter'd Might in a better sence of these be taken They 're good as powder'd Beef or Egs Bacon Poor Robin on himself LAstly for to bring up the Rear In my own person I appear To make it known unto the world What falshoods have on me been hurl'd One says I'm this another that And most do prate they know not what For like to Geese in mud that paddle Each broods his Eggs and all prove addle One says that I a Parson am He heard me Preach and knows my name And if that lyes be true then he Has hit the truth assuredly But if that it be otherwise Then truth is truth and he tells lyes Another in me a Lawyer sees That in false case I ne'er took fees But sure the mans in 's judgement's blind For why such Lawyers few can finde Another doth affirm me for A Doctor or a Quacksalver Or if you will a Mountebank Where Jack Pudding on Stage is crank And that I do cure each disease Lost Maiden-heads or what you please But were I Doctor I 'd be trying To cure that party of his lying Another says it is a Knight Robin's Almanack does write Another says it is a Squire And I say each of them 's a lyar One did report I was a Vulcan Because they say I love a full Can Another in his words did vary Said I was an Apothecary A third whose brains were something adler Aver'd for truth I was a Sadler A fourth hath an Opinion newer That I love Beer and am a Brewer But he had been a truer hinter That I love Wine and am a Vintner For though in trade from truth they vary I must confess I love Canary Now I have told you what I am not But what I am to tell I cannot For he who can himself conjecture Is wiser then our late Protector Who had forgot he was a Brewer And could above him none indure Nor think I he could prophecy When dead his head should mount so high Or that his Trunk with two on 's fellows Should buried be under the Gallows But they who do desire to know me If they such love or kindness owe me Come to Limehouse neer to Dicks-shore A mile from Aldgate if not more Neer unto Signe of the White Lyon Hard by 's a Shop if you cast eye on ● may be found without all doubt Always within if not gone out There do I sit some certain hours Contemplating the starry powers And from that place as may be guest Brought up Will Summers and the rest Brom Elyzium or from Limbo To make Verse like rime in Crambo 〈◊〉 commendation of this Book As you may read if there you look Now I imagine in all reason I 've writ enough at this same season And those who like not this Epistle Lay the book down and go whilstle P.R. WRitten at Lime-house neer Dick● shore The day o' th' month five and a score The month April th' hour Eleven Year Sixteen Hundred Sixty Seven POOR ROBIN'S JESTS OR The compleat Jester The Lady and Tenant A Lady inviting some of her Tenants to Dinner at a Christmas as soon as Grace was said fell to commending her meat saying there was a Sir-loyn of Beef the Ox whereof cost ten pounds and a Capon that cost half a Crown c. A poor man sitting at the lower end of the Table hearing her discourse fell straightways upon the Capon before the others were past their roast Beef the Lady seeing that called to him saying My friend eat some of that roast Beef No Madam said he an Ox of ten pounds is too dear meat for me a Capon of half a Crown will serve my turn well enough I thank you Another THe same Lady carving a wing of a most dainty Bird to another of her Guests told him that those sorts of Birds were worth no less then five pounds a dozen To whom the fellow said If you please Madam I will content my self with Beef or Pork and give me my share of those Birds in money Will. Summers and Cardinal Woolsey WIll Summers that was first Cardinal Woolsey's Fool hearing that his Master was like to be Pope came running to the Cardinal and with great expressions of joy