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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A95862 Versatile ingenium, The Wittie companion, or Jests of all sorts. From citie and countrie, court and universitie. : With an account of the life of the laughing philosopher Democritus of Abder̀a. / By Democritus Junior. Burton, Robert, 1577-1640. 1679 (1679) Wing V257A; ESTC R185956 129,090 241

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fama fuisse refert Alba tria totidem nigra tria rubra puella Tres habeat longas tres totidemque breves Tres crassas totidemque graciles tria stricta tot ampla Sint ibidem huic formae sint quoque parva tria Alba cutis nivei dentes albique capilli Nigri Oculi Cunnus nigra Supercilia Labra Genae atque ungues rubri sit corpore longa Et longi Crines sit quoque longa Manus Sintque breves dentes auris pes Pectora lata Et clunes distent ipsa Supercilia Cunnus os strictum stringunt ubi cingula stricta Sint coxae collus vulva que turgidula Subtiles digiti crines labra puellis Parvus sit nasus parva Mamilla caput Cum nullae aut rarae sint hae formosa vocari Nulla puëlla potest rara puëlla potest The Roman-Catholic Ballad or an Invitation to Poperie upon considerable grounds and reasons To the tune of 88. SInce Popery of late is so much in debate And great striveings have been to restore it I cannot forbear openly to declare That the Ballad-makers are for it We 'l dispute no more these Heretical men Have expos'd our books unto laughter So that many do say it will be our best way To sing for the cause hereafter O the Catholic cause now assist me my muse How earnestly do I desire thee Neither will I pray to S. Bridget to day But only to thee to inspire me Whence should purity come but from Catholic Rome I wonder much at their folly For St. Peter was there And left an old chair Enough to make all the world holy For this sacred old wood is so excellent good If Tradition may be believed That whoever sits there needs never more fear The danger of being decieved If the devil him self should God bless us get up Though his nature we know be evil Yet whilst he sate there as divers will swear He would be an infallible devil Now who sits in this Seat but our Father the Pope So that here 's a plain Demonstration As clear as noon-day we are in the right way And all others are doom'd to damnation If this will not suffice yet to open your eyes Which are blinded with bad education We have Arguments plentie and miracles twentie Enough to convince a whole nation If you give but good heed you shall see the Host bleed And if any thing can perswade ye An Image shall speak or at last it shall squeak In the honour of our Lady You shall see without doubt the devil cast out As of old by Erra Pater He shall skip about and tear like a danceing bear When he feels the Holy water If yet doubtfull ye are we have Reliques most rare We can shew you the sacred manger Several loads of the cross as good as e're was To preserve your souls from danger Should I tell you of all 't would move a stone wall But I spare you a little for pittie That each one may prepare to rub up his ear For the second part of my ditty The second part to the same Tune NOW listen again to those things that remain They are matters of weight I assure you And the first thing I say throw your Bibles away 'T is impossible else for to cure you O that pestilent book never on it more look I wish I could speak it out louder It has don more men harm I dare boldly affirm Than th' invention of guns and powder As for matters of faith believe what the church sayth But for Scripture leave that to the learned For these are edg tooles and you lay men are fools If you touch them you are sure to be harmed But pray what is it for you make all this stir You must read you must hear and be learned If you 'l be on our part we will teach you an Art That you need not be so much concerned Be the Churches good son and your work is half don After that you may do your own pleasure If your Beads you can tell and say your Ave Mary well Neuer doubt of the heavenly treasure For the Pope keeps the keys and can do what he please And without all peradventure If you can not at the fore yet at the back dore of Indulgence you may enter But first by the way you must make a short stay At a place call'd Purgatory Which the learned us tell in the buildings of Hell Is about the midlemost story 'T is a monstrous hot place and a mark of disgrace In the torment on 't long to endure None are kept there but fools and poor pittyfull souls Who can no ready money procure For a handsome round summ you may quickly be gon For the church has wisely ordein'd That they who build crosses and pay well for Masses Should not there be too long detein'd So that 't is a plain case as the nose on ones face We are in the surest condition And none but mere fools and some nigardly owls Need fall into utter perdition What aileth ye then ye great and rich men That ye will not hearken to reason Since as long as ye have pence ye need scruple no offence Be it murder adulterie treason And ye sweet natur'd Women who hold all things common My addresses to you are most hearty And to give ye your due ye are to us most tru And I hope we shall gain the whole party If you happen to fall your Penance shall be small And altho ye cannot forego it We have for ye a cure if this ye be sure To confess before ye go to it There is one reason yet which I cannot omit To those who affect the French nation Hereby we advance the Religion of France The Religion that 's only in fashion If these reasons prevale as how can they fail To have Popery entertain'd Ye cannot conceive and will hardly believe What Benefits hence may be gain'd For the Pope shall us bless that 's no small happiness And again we shall see restored The Italian trade which formerly made This land to be so much adored O the Pictures and rings the Beads and fine things The good words as sweet as honey All this and much more shall be brought to our door For a little dull English money Then shall traffic and love and what ever can move Be restor'd again to our Brittain And learning so common that every old woman Shall say her Prayers in Latin Then the church shall bear sway and the state shall obey Which is now look'd upon as a wonder And the proudest of Kings and all temporal things Shall submit and truckle under And the Parliament too who have taken us to do And have handled us with so much terror May chance on that score 't is no time to say more They may chance to ackowledg their error If any man yet shall have so little wit As still to be refractory I swear by the mass he is a mere Ass