Table I wyll say sumwhat out of the auntient Records of our Elders beginning with the most woorthy Personagies Chap. 1. ¶ Of Emperours ANd first to speake of Emperours how that some of that excellent calling haue bin very frugale sparing at their Boord as Suetonius in the third Booke of the liues of the. 12. Emperours writeth of Iulius Caesar saying that he dranke verie litle Wine whiche thinge his enemies could not deney and was indifferent about the residue of his diet Vpon a time when at the Table the good man of the house where hee supped had set before him olde preserued Oyle that was ranke stale in the steede of new and swéete when other in company refused it he only eate it greedely for that he would not séeme to reproue him that had inuited him to supper either of litle good manner or couetousnes The same Aucthour also saith of Augustus that hée was a man of small feeding and drunke but very litle wine for hee vsed not to drink therof aboue thrise at a meale Neither vsed hee commonly to drink Wine but when he was drie hee woulde dip a sop of bread in faire colde water or eate the slices of a Cucumber or of a gréene mellow Apple whose tast were tart or sumwhat like vnto wine In the Ieastes of the Romanes it is written that the Emperour Augustus was a very small féeder For he would eate common bread and litle fishes or cruddes made of Cowmilke which he would wringe in his hand or gréene Figges which he lyked well and these thinges would he eate in euery place and when so euer his Appetite serued Helinandus in his Booke of the institutions of Princes saith that Iulius Caeser committed his Baker to prison because hee gaue him better bread at his Table then he gaue to the residew of his Souldiours Suetonius also in his worke beefore alledged writeth of the Emperour Tiberius that at his first comming to the Empire he was very frugall and moderate but afterward hee grue so glouttenous and geuen to the bellie that in stéede of Tiberius hee was called Biberius for Claudius Caldius for Nero Mero that is to say one ouer much giuen to wine And vpoÌ„ a time spending two whole daies and nightes with Pomponius Flacchus Piso for a rewarde he gaue vnto the one the gouerment of the Prouince of Syria and to the other the Lieuetenantship of the same He lyked better of one that presented him with a Musshrom and a kinde of Birde called Ficedula then if it had bin a greater matter It is also written of the Emperour Vitellius by Egesippus in his fourth Booke of the destruction of Iherusalem When hee knew there was secret wait layd for him in the meane time he gaue himself to feasting and garmandize bicause he would not lose the famous ignominie of the shame that hung ouer him Hee was drawne from the banket hee was contemptuously insulted vpon and slaine in the midst of the Citie at one time together both sheading his bloud and vomyting his surfeat who if hée had liued any longer would haue deuoured the treasure of the Romane Empire in riot and banketinge To conclude hée had reigned but eight Moneths and fiue daies and yet Rome was able no longer to serue his bellye Ghap. 2. Of Kinges FRrontinus in his fourth booke and third chapter of warlike Pollicies reporteth how that Alexander king of Macedonia was vsed to eate of sutch bread as hée founde while hée traueiled vpon the waye Also in the fourth booke and vii chapter hee writeth in this manner Alexander kinge of Macedonia traueilinge by great iourneies through the desertes of Affrica both hée and all his armye beinge greatly athirst a souldiour offred him a draught of water in a Sallet which in presence of them all hee powred on the ground deseruing more prayse by that example then if hee had drunke it Helinandus in the place beefore recited telleth how that Piso desiering Romulus to supper and perceiuing how litle wine he had drunke at that meale O Romulus if euery man woulde do as thou doost wine would be better cheape Nay quod hée it would bee dearer if euerye man might drinke what hee would Valerius Max. in his fift booke and sixte chapter writeth that kinge Alexander vpon a time beeing repulsed from some purpose by a tempest in the winter beeholding an ould Macedonian souldiour quaking and béenummed with could and himselfe sitting in his regall seate by a good fier euen with those handes wherewith hee was woont to bestowe liberall rewardes hee tooke the ould man that was crooked and doubled with colde and set him in his owne place What merueill was it then if it were pleasant vnto them to serue so many yeeres vnder that captaine which esteemed more of the goodhealth of a common souldiour then hee did of his own dignitye In the same place it is also writen that Pyrrhus the king sayd that certen Tarentines had talked of him very broade and vndutifull language at a banket Then demaunded hee of one of the companye whether they had any sutch talke or not yea truly said hée wée had so indéede and vnles our wine had fayled vs these had bin but trifles in respect of that we would haue spoken So pleasant an excuse of their rioting so frank confession of the truthe turned the Kinges wrath into laughter By vsing of which clemency he obtayned this mutch that his Subiectes the Tarentines thanked him when they were sober and praied for him when they were drunken Chap. 3. Of Princes PLutrach of the institutions of Princes citeth the aucthoritie of Plato which saith thus when Potentates oppresse their subiects it is like as if the head of a body should swell to sutch hugines that the other parts were able scarcely or not at all to beare it but with great paine Likewise when the hier powers do hate and persecute the subiectes it is lyke as if the tutor should pursue his pupil to slay him with the sword which he gaue him to defend him against others Helâ—nandus in his booke of the institution of Princes saith that a Prince should do as the Phisition doth which neuer geueth extreme medicines but when he séeth that gentle pocions will neuer recouer the Pacients health Vnto which purpose said Lucius very well that it behoued a Prince to be an old man in manners to follow ripe and wise counsell and to imitate the order of good Phisitions which sumtime cure by filllnge that which is emptie in spare bodies sumtime by emptyinge that which aboundeth to much in full bodies aswaging the greife many times with hot burning irons often with fomentacions and sumtime otherwise vnto which intent hee setteth downe these verses To punish let a Prince be slow and quick to giue reward And let it greeue him when he is constrained to be hard Aristotle in the
by the Tribunes The tenour of their othe was after this sorte that they would neuer departe one from another nor breake their aray in the field vnlesse it were either to recouer their weapon or to strike the enemie or to saue a citizen And our Knightes saith Helinandus march forth into the warres as it were to a wedding for at Feastes they talke of Armes and in the tentes they speake of feastes The arte of warrefare saith Valerius in the second booke and first chapter beeinge earnestly followed brought the whole Empire of Italy in subiection to the Romanes And gat them the souerainity of many cities puisant kings and most valient kingdomes That same opened vnto them the bosome of the sea and broke vp the streights and passedges ouer the Alpes and Mount Taurus and deliuered them into their handes And Clearchus Captaine of the Lacedemonians saith the same acthour was wont to say often beating it into the souldiours eares that souldiours shoulde stande more in feare of their Captayne then of their enemies Chap. 7. Of Squyres VEgetius in the first booke and fourth chapter saith that the things which ar learned in childhoode are not learned very spéedely but they ar retained very perfectly And moreouer the nimblenes whiche beelongeth to a Souldiour as in leapinge and runninge is oftentimes to bee exercised that the body waxe not vnweldye with age For it is Swiftnes and nimblenes which are gotten with daylye exercise that make a good souldiour For vnto him that is so trayned vp it shal be no feare to encounter with any enemy but rather a pleasure And agayne in the same woorke and thirde chapter hee sayth thus I doubte not saith hée that anye man can bée of another opinion but that the common husbandman is fittest for the warres that can abide to toyle in the sunne and open ayre careth not for the shadowe knoweth not the baynes nor hothouse is ignorante of delicacies plaine meaninge contente with a litle able to abide all paynes to beare armour to ditche or cast a trench and of custome to carye greate burdeins not fearinge the Sunne or the Dust Wherfore meeseemeth wee must for the most parte take all our force out of the countrey for mee thinkes hee must needes care lesse for death that neuer felt anye pleasure or sweetenesse in his life and therfore such are to bee trayned vp in the warres Likewise in the first booke and first chapter wee sée saith hee that the people of Rome conquered al the world be none other meanes then by exercise of the minde by disciplyne of the fielde and dayly practise of Chiualrye whereby they rose to that greatnes And when wee choose newe souldiours wee must choose nimble men and furnishe them with daylye practise for the knowledge of the order of the warres maketh a man bould to fight For no man wil bee a fearde to do that which hee knoweth that hee hath learned to do perfectlye And when they come to the battayll the small bande that is well trayned is most like to haue the victorye The rude and vnskilfull multitude lieth alwayes open vnto slaughter And Frontinus in the fourth booke second chapter writeth thus Alexander Kinge of Macedonia saith hee with a fewe souldiours well trayned which his father Phillip left behinde him setting vpon the whole worlde slew innumerable armies of his enemies Chap. 8. Of warriours AS the noble Philosopher Aristotle writeth in the seventh of his Politickes many cities haue flourished by makinge warre but when they had once obtained the soueraintye through peace they fell to decay as iron gathereth rust with lyinge still Valerius in the second booke and sixt chapter writeth that Laelius Atticus Dentatus was an hundreth and twentie times in batteill vnto which hée alwaies went with sutch courage of minde and force of body that hée séemed euer to presume of the victory The same aucthour also reporteth that there was one which cut of the fingers of his left hand bicause hée woulde not goo into the Italian warre Then by the decrée of the Senate his goodes were openly solde and him selfe cast into perpetuall prison enforcinge him to yéelde vp that ghost most lothsomly in cheines which hee refused valiently to venture in the fielde Frontinus in the first booke and ninth chapter reporteth that one Seruius béeinge a younge man and present in the batteill which kinge Tarquinius faught against the Sabines perceiuinge those that were about the Standards to fight very slowly snatched away one of the Standards and thrue it amongst the middes of the enemies To recouer which the Romans fought so sharply that they obtained both standard and victory Hée telleth moreouer of Macillius which was Consul and at the warre which the Romans made against the Samnites who perceiuinge the souldiours fleeing out of the batteill towardes their tentes bent the force of his owne band which hee led against them swearing that hee would fight against good Citizens if they would not fight against their enemies and by that meanes brought them all again into the batteill Chap. 9. Of Philosophers and Oratours ARchitarentinus in the sixt booke writeth that when on a time Aristippus the Socration Philosopher being throwē into the sea by shipwrack was cast a lande at the shoare of Rodes and found there certain Geometricall figures and demonstracions drawne in the sandes hee cried aloud ioyfully vnto his Mates let vs bée of good cheere Mates quod hee for I see heere the foote steppes of men And foorthwith hee entred into the citie of Rhods where disputing in their scholes with professours of Philosophy hee was rewarded with many costly gyftes wherwith hee not onely appayrelled himselfe but also al that were with him and bore their charges sufficiently for meat and drinke And when his Mates being willing to returne into their owne cuntrey demaunded of him what seruice hee would commaunde them home tell my cuntrey men quod hée that I wish they should prepare sutch possessions and inheritances for their children as if they chāced to escape shipwrack might escape with them and not be taken awaye neither by violence of conquest neither by change of fortune nor by any other aduersitie Behold héere a Philosophicall and holsome document moouing men more to the study of learning and wisdome then to heaping vp of Monye In the olde time when cities weare in peace sayth Eustacius vpon the first booke of the Ethickes the noblemen and politick gouerners prouided of the common charge for sutch as were studentes in Philosophy that they should bee voide of all cares and troubles and onely applye themselues vnto contemplacion Hermes surnamed Trismegistus in his second booke of Constellacions reporteth that Politinus the Philosopher béeing as it were made vnto all ornamentes of vertue to the intent hee might expresse that which he taught by his owne example and not by any others and to a void all the insultes of Fortune
when he was comming away taking leaue he rouÌ„ded the maister of the house in the eare saying I knew not before that we two were so familiar and coÌ„ming also on a time vnto Pompeius house some that were there before sayd that he came to late Naye not so sayd Cicero for I see nothing preuided Lykewyse seeing Lentulus his sonne in lawe a man of small stature going with a long sword by his syde who quod Cicero hath tyed my sonne in lawe to a sword The same beholding the counterfayte of his brother Quintus Cicero set forth very large and in a great portrayture and Quintus him selfe being a man but of a verye small sâ—antling halfe my brother sayde hee is byggeâ— then the whole After the victorye which Caesar obtayned Cicero being demaunded how he was so deceyued in taking part answered thus his gyrting deceyued mee testing at the maner of Caesar who was woont to let his gowne trayle downe after him going somewhat wantonly â—ffâ—minatly in apparell In so much that Sylla foreseeing what might haplye insue sayde on a tyme vnto Pompeius take heede of that vngyrted boye Laberius passing by Cicero and faking a place to syt on I woulde gyue you part of my place then quod Cicero but that I syt in a narrow rowme thereby both disâ—ayning him iestyng also at the new Senate the number whereof Caesar had augmented beside ryght and order Howbeit he caryed it away not sâ—otree for Laberius answerered him home agayne saying It is maruayle that you syt so narrowlye which vse to syt on two stooles at one tyme thereby reproching Cicerces lyghtnesse Therefore for as much as these and such lyke iestes do prouoke laughter and delyte in them that heare them I haue purposed to fyll this fowrth part with the lyke according to sundrye estates of persons drawing them forth of allowable aucthorityes and dysposing them in a conuenient order and begynning eftsones with the greatest personages Chap. 4. Of Emperours and their merie iestes MAcrobius wryteth that Augustus the Emperour was delyted in iesting hauing alwayes respect of his honour and honestie And many maruayled more at the iestes and quippes which he bare then those which he gaue On a tyme when he saw a grauer grauing a tombe for his father In deede quod Augustus this is the true reuerensing and culture of the fathers sepulcher When he heard that king Herode among the chiâ—dren which were but two monethes old whome he slew for Christes sake had also kylled his owne sonne sayd that he had rather be Herodes hogge then his sonne There came vnto Rome a certaine young Gentleman very lyke vnto Augustus whome wheÌ„ the Emperour had seene be demauÌ„ded of him if his mother had somtime béen at Rome or not No quod the Gentleman but my father hat béene often When Augustus had written certaine inuectiues against Pillio but I wyll hold my peace quod Pillio for it is a shrewd matter to write against him that can banish mee Then one as he was passing by sayd there goeth a tyrant Augustus turned about aunswered if I were one thou wouldest not dare to say so One nyght as he lay in a vyllage in the couÌ„trey an Oule troubled him so with hyr crying that he could not sleepe But when one of the souldiors going forth had taken the Oule he commended his industrie commaunded that he should haâ—e a thousand pence giuen him for a reward Which the souldiour mistyking of sayd he had rather that she shoâ—ld liue so let hyr flie Who wyll not maruaile how this saucie souldiour could escape so well hauing offended an Emperor Lucan the Poet reporteth that when â—â—â— that was inferiour vnto Iulius Caesar euertâ— warâ—ed him in certeyne matters he auâ—sweared him saying No stare whereto thou canst aspyre Can make thee wothie Caesars yâ—e There is a storye tolde of a certayne Necromancer who had a noble man to his Scholler that promysed him many great gyftes and bountifull rewardes Whome the maister meaning to trye what he woulde doe in deede wrought so by his art that he seemed vnto him selfe that he was elected Emperour And hauing thus obtayned much lande and lyuing as hée â—hought his mayster desired him to bestowe some parte thereof vppon him Why quoth his Schollar I knowe thée not Then sayd the maister I am hee that hat hath gyuen you all these rytches and nowe I wyll take them awaye agayne and there withall caused the vision to surcease and then hée found him selfe to be in case as hée was before Thus many men promise many goodlye matters which they neuer meane to perfourme Fredericke the Emperour lying in siege before the Cittye of Millâ—yn determyned if hée myght take it to slay man woman and chylde Then aunswered the Erle of Subandia saying that his Maiestye had yet a greater conquest then that in hand which he must also obtaine What is that quoth the Emperor truely sayde the Erle your owne wyll and courage of mynde Which saying the Emperour hauing wel dygested within him selfe altered his determination graunted them al theyr liues Chap. 5. Of Kinges and their sundrye merye iestes THe noble Seneca in his booke which he wrote of anger sheweth that â—ing Antiochus hearing certaine of his subiects euyl reporting of him rayling against him in a place where there was nothing but a curtaine drawne betweene them that spake and him that harde hée gentlie reprooued theyr follie as it had béene some other man saying vnto them depart from heâ—ce least the king heare you Valerius in the seuenth booke thyrd Chapter Writeth that king Alexander being warned by an Oracle that whomsoeuer he met when he walked forth of the Gate he should coÌ„maund him to bée slaine seeing a dryuer of Asses coÌ„ming a farre of wylled immediatly that he should bée kylled Then the poore Asse dryuer asking the cause why hee should bee put to death nothauing â—ffeÌ„ded they answered that it was the coÌ„maundement of the Oracle Then quod the Asse driuer If it be so O kyng then hath this lot fallen vpon another not on mée for the Asse which I draue before me met with you first Then kyng being delighted with this subtyll answeare and seeing howe he was reuoked from his errour saued the man commaunded the Asse to be slaine When the people of Athens would haue yeelded diuine honors vnto Alexander beware quod Demades that whyles ye keepe heauen ye loose not â—he earth A certayne poore varlet meeting with Philip the king desyred him to geue him somewhat for that he was of hâ—s kynred Which way saide the kyng Marie quod the varlet by our great grandfather Adam Thou sayest true quod the king and commaunded that his men shoulde geue him a peny Which when the varlet disdayned at saying that it was no princely reward The kyng answeared that yf he should geue so muche vnto euery one that is as néere of kyn vnto him as he
that none could finde any fault with her behauior For sayd shée if I laugh it is good fellowship if I wéepe it is deuotion if I speake it is Philosophie if I holde my peace it is religion if I sléepe it is quietnesse if I ryse it is a vision and so of many thinges more But thée forgat one thing that the more shee gloryed the more foole shée was counted A mery fellow that would faine set out the ydle occupations wherin the systers busyed them selues He made a â—yrle wherin hée painted how thrée systers were stealing of one goose one helde him by the legge another layde a knife vppon his necke and the the third strake the knife with an hammar and round about the cyrcle it was thus written Looke how these thrée holye systers are occupied about stealing of a goose so are all the rest also Certaine systers conferred togyther on a tyme by what deathes they would wyshe to dye One sayd I would desyre to bée hanged in the coard of contemplacion according to the saying of Iob. The other sayd I would choose to bée buryed in the graue of humilitie The thyrde coueted to bée burnt in the fyre of charitye And the fowrth to bée drowned in the teares of compunction But howe farre theyr inwarde thoughtes were differing from theyr outward hipocrisy theyr holie and chast liues dyd well declare A syster being in the monasterie bare headed and in her peticote onely two Friars knocked at the gate and shée ran to the gate and opened it And being ashamed bicause shée was bare headed shée tooke vp the tayle of her peticoate to cast ouer her head and vncouered her naked buttockes and ran away as fast as shée could Then one of the Fryars calling vnto her wylled her to couer her naked partes saying it is better to sée a womans bare top then her bare tayle It fortuned that in a Priorye one night there was a Priest founde a bed with one of the systers vnto whose chamber many other of the systers flocked to sée the syght And when another of the systers in whose bed a lso at that present there laye a Priest heard this styrre making hast to goe see the other thinking to couer her head with her accustomed vayle threw the Priests breaches vpon her head and came vnto that mery or rather lameÌ„table spectable to bewayle that case among y other as though shée had bene gyltie of no such matter But when one of the systers saw the breach O syster sayd shée and dearely beloued fellowe what thing is this or what meaneth this strange sight who then beholding her owne naughtinesse was much astonished and because of this accident the other escaped vnpunished for that shée was founde not to bée in that faulte alone Chap. 41. Of many merye Dreames VAlerius in the first booke and seuenth Chapter writeth that Alexander the king of Macedonie was warned of the hand that should slay him in his dreame before that he felt it to be true in effect for he thought that he sawe him in his sléepe that should kyll him And shortly after when he saw the partie and knew that he was Antipaters sonne he declared the vanitie of his dreame and he cast out of his minde the suspicion which hée had conceyued of the poyson whereof he dyed at Cassanders handes Lykewise he telleth that whylst Amilcar that was captaine of the Carthagians lay in siege about the Cittie of Syracuse he thought that in his dreame he hearde a voyce which sayd that the night following he should suppe within the City Then Amilcar being carelesse or rather thinking himself sure of the victorie was somewhat negligent in not loking carefullye to his Armie vpon whome the Syracusians issuing forth the next daye possessed his tentes tooke him prisoner and led him into the Citie where the same night he supped not as a conquerour but as a captiue Fryer Iohn of Duren dreamed one nyght that hée rode vpon a snayle hauing two long hornes that his armes touched the grounde and how the boyes in the strâ—etes seeing him laughed and shouted at him after which dreame as he sayd he had verye good fortune but wherein he would not tell A countrey man dwelling neere Ratisbona dreamed that vpon the bridge at Ratisbona he should find great treasure And comming thyther in the morning verye earlye for that purpose he met with a rytch man which asked him what he sought and he told him the cause of his comming and how and whereof he had dreamed the night before Then the rytch man vp with his fyst gaue him a boxe on the eare saying Ah foole wylt thou beleeue dreames I my selfe dreamed this night how that in the vyllage of Regendolf in such a place naming a certaine farme place I shoulde finde a great summe of money but I meane not to be so much a foole as to goe séeke it But when the countrey man heard this and perceyuing that it was his owne farme where he dwelt thought within himself it is happie for mee that I came hyther this day to haue a boxe on the eare going home immediatlye dygged in the place which the other named and found a ritch treasure A certaine Cannon in VVerda nigh to the Rhine which neuer could make verse in all his lyfe dreamed of these two verses in his sléepe which he remembred well when he awaked to this effect The wordes of reuenge a bytter doome hath giuen on thee Though thou ne knowest how that thy life shall shortly ended bee And when he had openly told it at the table one of his familyars said vnto him what euer it should signify if I were in your case I would take order with my goodes dispose them as I thought best whatsoeuer should befall but others sayd it was but a tryfle that dreames were not to be accoumpted of But he being stroken into a dumpe gat him vpon his horse tooke his hawke vpon his fyst roade abroade into the fieldes for pleasure to digest the melancholy And comming homeward at night where he must ryde ouer a bridge that lay ouer an arme of the Rhine his horse began to striue and plunge and threwe them both headlong into the Rhine and there were drowned Chap. 42. Of diuers and sundrie Artificers MAcrobius in the second booke of the Saturnalia wryteth that when Seruilius of Rome beheld the children of Mallius an excelleÌ„t painter how mishapen euyl fauored they were sayd vnto him Mallius why doest thou not paint likewise aswel for thy selfe as thou doest for other men To whome Mallius answered I deuise in the night time but I paynt in the day One Gallatricus a keruer made Pismares of yuorie of so small quantitie that they were no bygger neyther coulde be discerned from those Pismares that lyued in déede A certaine Shoemaker dwelling in a Cittie of Lumbardie was made a Judge
chose him a secret place of rest where hée was far from the trouble of humane conuersation onely béestowing his time in diuine contemplacions And first hee contemned all titles of honour accoumpting those to bée the true honours which by perfection of wisdome hée had gotten Hee coueted after no worldly thing but iudged that to bee the true ritches namely whereby a garnished minde may finde out the originall of it owne aucthoritye Aristotle in the Secrets of secrets asketh thâ—â— question what sayth hee hath so aduaunced the Empire of the Gréekes to bée perpetually renowmed ouer all the world Surely that did the dilygence of students and the vertue of the wisemen which loued knowledge and science aboue all measure Aulus Gellius in his booke of the Nightes of Athens writeth that it is one of the greatest poincts of commendacion which was in Phillip kinge of Macedonia father vnto Alexander the Great that hée caused him whom hée thought should bée his heier to bee deliuered in charge vnto the most excellent Philosopher Aristotle to bee instructed in wisdome and learning And saith Seneca in that world which men coÌ„monly call the golden world Posidonius affirmeth that wise men gouerned kingdomes these contayned their handes from othermens goodes and defended the weake from the more mighty they perswaded men from dishonesty vnto honesty and through their wisdome they declared what was profitable and what otherwise Chap 10. Of Phisicions ISidorus in the third chapter of his Etimologies writeth that Apollo is reported to bee the first finder out of Phisicke amonge the Gréekes Which his Sun Esculapius broughte more into the light who was strickeÌ„ with a tempest of lightning and so died and by that meanes both the art and the authour perished together and lay vnknowne the space of fiue-hundred yéeres vnto the time of Artaxerxes king of the Persians at what time it was reuiued agayne by Hippocrates sunne to Asâ—ulapius Valerius writeth that when Alexander kinge of Macedâ—nia fell sick at Tharsis Phillip the Phisition made him a potion with his owne handes and ministred it vnto him For this Phillip was both an Earle and a Phisition And while hée was thus attendant vpon the kinge there were certen letters receiued and opened written to this effect That the king should take heede of Phillip as one of corrupted by Darius to poison him But so soone as the king had read the letters without any staying hée dranke of the Medicine and deliuered them vnto Phillip to read for whiche good opinion of his trustie friende and Phisition hée receaued of the Gods an immortall reward Howbeit I wote very well that Quintus Curâ—ius in the hystorie of Alexandeâ— the great telleth this storie otherwise namely how that Alexander returnynge from Babilon and spendyng longe time in rest and idlenesse hée renued the solemnitie of Feastynge and Banquettinge whiche of longe time hée had omitted and thus in a ioylitie hée spent an whole day and a night when Thessalus his phisition inuited him and his companions agayn to drinkynge a fresh And takyng the Pot in his hand when hee had drunk as it were half a draught hée suddenly stayde in the middes and cried out and his friendes reported that same to be the cause of his death But the trueth is there was Treason wrought agaynst him the infamie whereof was couered by the punishment of his successours And in déede Antipater was chéeif of the conspiracie and gaue the poyson vnto him Thus died Alexander in the xii yeère of his reygne his traitrous nobles falsly accusinge his faithfull Phisition of poysonyng him Chap. 11. Of youngemen MAcrobius in his fourth booke of Saturnalia reporteth how that Papirius when hée was but a childe came into the counsel court with his Father And when he returned home his mother demaunded of him what his Father had doone or sayd in the Senate counsel The child answered that he might not tel But when his Mother threatned to beate him vnlesse he would declare it immediatly he deuised a fine pleasant lye to stop his mothers mouth withal saying that it was disputed in the Counsel house whether it were more expedient for man to haue two wiues or for a woman to haue two husbaÌ„s This news told she immediatly vnto other MatroÌ„s gossips of hir acquaintaÌ„â—e And the next day there came a great flock of them to the Counsel house desiring the honourable assâ—Ì„bly the one womaÌ„ might rather haue .ij. husbands then one maÌ„ .ii. wiues The Senatours wondringe at that strainge request merueyled at their so vnreasonable and dishonest importuniti Then the childe resolued the Senat of that doubt she winge them what hee had tolde his mother The Senate imbraced the childes wit and faithfulnes and made an Act that heareafter there should no children come into the Senate with their fathers but hee onely Valerius also in the sixt Booke and fift Chapter writeth of Manlius Torquatus that while he was yong he was of so blunt and dul a wit that his father iudgeing him neuer like to bee profitable member to gouerne in the common wealth sent him into the cuntry to follow husbandry But afterward hee deliuered his father from danger of iudgment And likewise his cuntrey in the tumult among the Latines which was welnigh consumed in the conflict and obtayned therefore a most excellent triumph I suppose saith Valerius that he was imbased with this blemish of Fortune in his youth wherby the excellency of his old age might appeare more bewtifull And againe in the same place he saith Scipio surnamed Affricane whom the Gods would haue to be borne to the intent all vertue should be effectually expressed vnto men in him is reported to haue spent thriftely his younger yeares but farthest of all other from suspicion of lasciuious dissolutnesse And this also saith he hath Fabius Maximus puâ—â—â—ased vnto his posteritie that there was neuer any of better fame then hee while he was young neither did our Citie of Rome euer bring foorth one that in his age was of greater honour and estimacion Chap. 12 Of olde Men. TRogus Pompeius in his second Booke writeth of Alexander the great that on a time when hee was goinge foorth in a daungerous expedition he leuied his armie not of Cutters and lusty youthes but of such antient souldiours as had serued his father and his cuntry in foretimes to the intent hee might haue no common soldiers but rather teachers of Chiualrie about him Hee made no Captaines but men of thréescore yéere olde so that no man thought of fléeing but of haueyng that victory And Valerius speaking of the old Romanes ssith in those daies yong men honoured old age as though all olde men had bin their fathers Cicero in his Booke of old age reporteth that in a certen controuersie when Pisistratus the tirant demanded of Solon for what cause he durst resist him so boldly he answered because of mine olde
the fift booke and ninth chapter reporteth how that one Pretolius denyinge the request of a certen frinde of his why then quod his frind what néede haue I of thy frindship Nay quod Pretolius what néede haue I of thine if I must do a dishâ—â—est déede for thée Tullie in his Booke of frindship writethâ— y when Tarquinius the proud was expulsed out of his kingdome hée then vnderstoode who were his trusty frinds and who vntrusti when he could neither bée éeuen with them nor requite their benefits Seneca also in the second of one of his woorkes writeth that the philosopher Arthesius had two frindes a poore man and one that was sicke but both of them for shamefastnes sake disseÌ„bled their frindshippe Whiche thinge when the Philosopher vnderstood hée thought the hée ought to succour them with out shamefastnes and that with spéede He priuely put a bag of mony vnder one of their Pillowes the other not knowing thereof that laying aside all foolishe and vnprofitable shamefastnes his frinde might séeme rather to finde that which hée wanted then to receiue that which hée asked Chap. 26. Of Kinsfolkes VAlerius writeth in the first booke and first chapter that in the old time men were woont to make solemne feasts which they called Caristia whereat were none present but kinsfolke and alies that if chance there were any controuersie or breatch béetwéene any of them at that solemnitye in that time of making mery the matter might bée proposed and heard and frindly ended Likewise hée writeth in the eight booke that wheÌ„ Decius the Generall or Emperour for the time would haue set the imperial Diademe vpon his sun Decius head hée refused it saying I feare mee least when I am Emperour I leaue to be a sun rather let my father haue the gouernment and let it bée my dignity to be obedient vnto him Moreouer in the fift booke and fift chapter hee telleth of Cesetius â–ª who beeing commaunded by Caesar the conquerour both of all abroade and at hom to banishe his sunne for that hée had ministred some occasion of distruste that hee affected the kingdome answered him saying truly Caesar quod hee thou shalt sooner take all my sunnes from mée then I will send away one of them at thy commaundement Sée what great bouldnes this was that hée would not yéeld vnto him to whom all the world was in subiection Likewise the same aucthour in the fourth chapter writeth that on a time the Praetor deliuered a malifactour which was a woman borne of a good family vnto the Jailer to bée executed in the prison who béeing mooued with compassion towards the woman put her not to death immediatly but gaue leaue vnto her daughter to come vnto her lookinge vnto her that shee should bring her mother no foode to thintent hee might kill her by famine And when certein daies were past merueyling how she liued so long in the ende hée perceiued how the louing daughter reliued her mothers hunger with the milke of her brests which strange fact being reported to the Counsell procured the womans pardon For what will not loue duty finde out and what is so rare to be séene as the daughter to giue the mother suck A man would thinke that it were against nature vnlesse it were the first and principall lawe of nature to loue our parentes chap. 27. Of good Weemen A Good Woman ought first of all to set light by temporall goodes touching which poinct Valerius in the fourth booke and first chapter telleth the story of Cornelia which was mother vnto the Gracchi the same vpon a time receiued into her house of gestred a gentlewomaÌ„ of Campania who shewed her very beutifull Jewels and ornaments which she had in store made according to the fashion in those daies but she gaue her a quip for it For when her children came home from schoole and al these be my iewels ornaments quoth Cornelia For truly who so coueteth nothing hath althing in greater assuraunce then he that hath mutch goods in possession And since worldly goods are but casuall yet are the vertues of the minde sutch as are subiect vnto no misaduentures of Fortune Secondly she ought to ouercome all carnall desire Touching which poinct Orosius writeth in his fift Booke that when the Germanes were ouercome by Marius their weemen with a more constant courage then if they had bin the conquerours desired the Consul that he would saue their virgins liues vppon condition that they might preserue their chastyty and be reserued to minister vnto the Gods. But when they could not obtaine so much of him they dashed the braines of their yong children against the stones and hanged themselues Thirdly she ought to preserue her loyaltie the tokens of her goodwill towards her husband whereof Valerius writeth in his fourth booke and fift chapter that at what time the Spartanes kepte certen Lacedemonians in prison whom they deteined there to put them to death their wiues being wéemen of noble blood came thither and desiring to speake with their husbands before they were executed obtained licence of the Gailer to go into the Prison vnto them And when they were gone in they exchanged their apparel with their husbands and so the men departed out of the prison in their wiues atyre muffled as though they had couered their faces for grief heauines Moreouer a woman ought to geue her husband good counsell The like example as touchyng the force herof is by Seneca set foorth shewyng that when Augustus the Emperour of Rome bethought him how he might reuenge himself on one whiche sought his death the Empresse aduised him that he should follow the trade of all good Phisitions who séeyng that they can not preuayle with Medicines of the same qualitie with the disease apply the contrary Wherfore sayd she séeynge that you cannot preuayle by seueritie proue to win by gentlenes which hée did willyngly and tooke effect Chap. 28. Of wicked Women ORosius in his first booke of the woork before alleaged setteth it downe that when Ninus kyng of the Assyrians was dead his wife and Quéene Semiramis reygned in his stéede blouddely embruing the kyngdome with slaughter the space of xly yéeres The same burnyng in lust and thirstyng bloud amoÌ„g so many horrible murders and abominable whoredomes hauyng quatted her gréedy desier with so many whorish deuises and strange maners of couplyng at length hauyng conceaued a sonne by shamefull dealyng and nourishing him vp by vngodly meanes and hauing had with him incestious medling she sought to couer her priuate shame with publique wickednesse For she gaue forth in coÌ„maundement that there should be no sutch reuerence nor respect betwéene parents and children nor no discretion vsed in taking of wiues or obseruinge of matrimonie but in that point it should be lawfull for euery man and woman to take whom they lusted S. Ierome wryting against Iouinianus reporteth that the wife of Sylla was a
common woman or as they terme them a good fellow And likewise Pompeius that ouercame welnigh the whole world had an incontinent Lady to his wife Cato also which was called Censorinus married a very baggage of a meane parentage yet was she a shrew and a whore and that more strange is proud and saucy to her Lord and husband Iustinus the abridger of Torgus Pompeus writeth that when Grippus which was sun to Deme. had recouered his Fathers dominions had quite ended al forrein dangers he was afterward assaulted by the treason of his owne gréedy mother Who for the desire that shee had to reigne hauing betrayed one of her sunnes and by that horible déede puttinge of all motherly affection supposed now that her dignitie and honour was mutch embased by the conquest and renowme of her other child Wherefore vpon a time she watched opportunity and preparing a cup of deadly poyson presented him therewith when he came hot and thirsty from exercise But her attempt tooke contrary effect For Grippus as it were offeringe dutyfull courtesie to his mother desired her to begin vnto hym At the last he vrged her so far that he found out great proofes of her purpose wherewith the Quéene béeing ouercome and turning the mischeif vnto her self died with the poysoned potion which she had prouided for her sunne Chap. 29 Of maried Weemen VAlerius writeth in the fourth booke and third Chapter that when Iulia who was daughter vnto Caesar wife to Pompeius the great beehelde her Lorde and Husbandes Gowne brought home all bloody out of the féelde beinge stroken with sudden feare that some violence had befallen vnto him fell downe in a swonde and was delyuered of Childe beefore her time not with out great losse and detriment of the whole Empire And Cecilius Balbus in the place before recited writeth a storie of a certen man whose name was Damelius to whom a companion of his obiected that he had a stinking breath TheÌ„ departed he home vnto his Wife discontented chiding with her for not telling him therof before TheÌ„ his wife said surely I would haue done so quod she but that I thought that al menâ— breathes had smelt in that sorte and therfore very like it is that shee had neuer ioyned her mouth vnto any other mans Valerius also writeth in the sixt booke and third chapter of Tercia Emilia the wife of Scipio African whose singuler good will and pacience toward her husband was so great that perceininge that her Lorde bare good affection vnto one of her Handmaides she dissembled the matter and would not see it for that she would not séeme to suspect or blame her Lorde of incontinency or to moue him to impaciencie which was conquerour of the worlde Yea after her Husbands decease shee made her handmaid frée and bestowed her in mariadge with one of her frée men Lykewise Sulpitia was most diligently kept by her mother Iulia because shée should not follow her husband Lentulus into Italy who was proscribed and condemned to dye Howbeit she chaunged her atire and put one the garment of a seruaunt and taking with her two Handmaides and two men stole away secretly vnto him not refusing to banish her selfe that her faith might be knowne to her condemned husband Chapter 30. Of good widowes THe word Vidua which signifieth a Widow soundeth as it were Diuisa that is to say one that is deuided and parted fom her Husband And Valerius writeth in the first booke first chap. that in the old time those wéemen that were contented with one husband once marrying were crowned with a Garland of chastyty supposing that the tasting of many and often wedlockes was a token of a certen kinde of intemperancy Saint Ierome in his woorke against Iouinianus reporteth that when Catoes Daughter had mourned foure wéekes for the death of her Husband a certen Matron demaunded of her when she would make an ende of mourning who answered when she made an ende of lyuing Likewise the same Aucthour in his booke de Anima writeth oâ—her that when on a time a frind of hers perswaded her to marry another husband since she was yet but young and her beuty fresh flouring she answered that she would not For said she if I chance to finde as good an husbaÌ„d as I had before I will not stand in feare to léese him but if hee bee éeuel what néede I to trouble myself with sutch an one And agayne in the same place when one in the presence of Porcia praysed a certen woman which had buried one husband and Married the second she answered that a good and an honest woman neuer marrieth but once And semblably Valeria which was sister vnto the Messalas after the decease of her Husbande would neuer marry agayn and béeing demaunded the cause she answered that her husband alwaies liued vnto her Arthemisia also which was Quéene and wife vnto Mausolus kinge of Caria although in respect of her fidility towards her husbands shée bee singularly commended yet is she most praysed for that shee loued her Husbande alwayes as deerely when hee was dead as if hee had bin liuing and in the honour of him shee builded a most bewtyfull and renowmed Sepulcher in so mutch that thereof all greate and sumptuous Sepulchers are called Mausolea that is to say like Mausolus monument Chap. 31. Of Virgins COncerning Virgins Saint Ierome writeth against Iouinianus that it appeareth in how great honour virgins were had among the people of Rome for asmutch as Consuls and generalles of Armes sitting in their triumphat chariots wheÌ„ they returned home with conquest ouer their enemies and finally all kinde of degrees were accustomed in meetinge them go out of the way and giue them place Nichanor when hee had ouercome and subuerted the City of Thebes was taken in the loue of a captiue virgin And desiringe her imbracinges and company in the commendable lawe of wedlocke which thing a captiue might well haue liked of hee found by triall that vnto chast mindes virginity is more deare then a kingdome Whom the louer when shee was slayne held in his owne hand lamenting his owne greif and her most miserable condition Seneca in his sixt booke of declamacions reporteth that a vestale virgin wrote these verses folowing O happy married wiues your life is fraught with ioy For that I may not taste your state I die in great anoy Against which there was alleaged an answere in this sort As one that tried hast a man thou yeeldest vp the ghost Or diest bicause thou art denide the thing thou couetst most both which thinges ought to bée farthest from a woman of that cote For vnto thée the Magistrates do cast downe their faces in token of reuerence vnto thée the Consuls and Pretors giue the vpper hande in the stréetes and it is no small callinge to bee both a virgin and a priest and that which hath bin spoken with so great affection
it you wash freckles it taketh them away and clenseth the skin Auicen writeth that the huske of Rice is thought to bee poison for if it bée geuen in drinke to any man immediatlye hée féeleth paine in his mouth and his tongue wilbée blistred Beanes after Isaac that bee gréene are cold and moist in the third degree and nourish but litle they ingender grosse and rawe humours and bréede winde in the vppermost part of the belly Dry beanes are colde and dry in the first degrée ingendring thick windes in the vppermost part of the belly from whence there arise hurtfull fumes into the brain They cause sundrye grosse and corrupt dreames and are hard of concoction The great white beane not béeing old is the best and if it bée sodden in water there is mutch of the windines taken away therby and of the grossenes likewise specially if the first water be throwne away â—nd they be boyled again in another Béeing sodden with Mintes Organ Cumin and sutch like and so eaten theyr windines is mutch amended Whoso is desierous to clense the skin of his body let him vse to wash himself with the meale of Beanes and he shall haue his will. Rhasis sayth that gréene beanes ingender grosse and raw humours augmentyng fleame in the stomacke and intrayles whiche breedeth mutch windinesse Lentles also sayth hee are colde and drie ingendring melancholick bloud and dryinge the body they darken the eyesight and nourish Melancholicke diseases if a man vse them mutch Isaac saith they fill the Brayn with grosse fumes and Melancholie smokes causing payn and fearful dreames Isaac deuideth Chitch Peasen into white and blacke The white is hot in the first degrée and moyst in the middle of the same hard of coÌ„coction ingendryng wynde and fumositie in sutch quantitie that it puffeth vp the fleash and driueth the skin abroad so that they which vse it haue a fayre white skin for when the skinne is borne vp and stretched abroad it sheweth white and cléere The blacke Chitch is hotter then the white but not so moyst and is good agaynst oppilation of the Liuer if it bee boyled with Smaledge and Radish and the iuce therof drunken it also increaseth Milke and seede and prouoketh Vryne Peason according to the famous Arnoldus de villa noua in his gouernment of health are of this nature if they or Chitcheâ— bée laide a stéepe all night in fresh water and bee boyled next day in the same a two or three wallops and then bée strayned and kept and when yée goo to meat there be put vnto the liquor a litle white wine and a small quantity of Spikenard in pouder and saffron and a litle salt Indie and then once boyled togither one wallop and ministred at the beginning of the meale to bée drunken or eaten crummed like potage It clenseth the small veines and the passedge of the vryne especially if the Peasen and Chitches be layd in soke and boiled with Persley in the same water The vnskilfull sort say that they should bee layd a soke in Lie but that soking taketh away all the openyng facultie and the finest part of the substance of them Chap. 28. Of Pothearbes NOw let vs say sumwhat of Pothearbes accordinge as order and doctrine requireth and first of Garlike whiche as saith Rhasis is hot and drie and taketh awaye thirstines and increaseth fleashly lust breaketh winde and heateth the body In hot regions hot times and vnto hot complexions it doth harme and Galen calleth it the husbandmens triacle Beanes or Lentles sod eaten take away the stinking smell of it and so doth Rue béeing chawed and a litle therof eaten downe So lkewise doth Setwall or Mintes of the garden or wilde if it be broken betwéene the teeth and after it a litle quantity of vinegre bee receiued To the same purpose serueth the roote of Beetes saith Plinie beeing rosted and eaten after it Sorrell in Rhasis iudgment is cold and dry it bindeth the belly and sharpneth the stomack extinguishing red choler and thirst Auicen saith that it taketh away toothach if they be washed with the iuce therof Dill according to Isaac in the second booke is hot and dry and being drunken in wine resolueth windines puffines and swelling in the stomack and belly The branches therof boiled in Oile dissolue swellings beeinge outward anoynted aswage payne and bring sleepe The séede drunken prouoketh vrine increaseth milke clenseth the stomack from putrified humours it healpeth the hicket procéeding of the long abiding of meat in the stomack and the often eating therof weakneth the eie sight Garden Smalledge by the aucthoritie of Isaac being eaten openeth oppilations prouoketh vrine bindeth the bellie is éeuell for the falling sicknes and hurteth wéemen with child and sutch as are with childe frequent the eating of it it ingendreth in the childes body biles and rotten impostumacions Neither may we commeÌ„d the vse of Smalledge for it draweth humours togither from all partes of the body vnto the stomack wherof insueth vomiting The séede prouoketh vrine aboue the branches and as saith Rhasis Smalledge openeth oppilacions and puffeth vp there withall it mooueth to venery and taketh away the eeuel sauour of the mouth Arredge also sayth hee is colde and moist loosing the belly nourishinge well and is good for them that haue an hot liuer Plinie in his second booke writeth that it ingendreth sundry sicknesses and therfore the liquor wherein it is boyled ought many times to bee chaunged or els it ingendreth pusshes and foule spots in the skin Persnep as saith Rhasis is hot and windy slowly digested it maketh the séede of man hot and expelleth vrine and farther saieth Isaac it helpeth fleshly lust prouoketh the termes and ingendreth discoÌ„mendable bloud After Plinie in the second booke Beetes are of two sortes white red The roote of the red sod in water killeth the itch the iuce appeaseth the auncient paine in the head the daseling and the singing in the eares it driueth foorth vrine it appeaseth the toothach it prouoketh to venerie and is good against poison Borage as saith Constantinus is hot moist in y first degrée it purgeth red choler it helpeth that hart burning and being stéepedin wine and drunken it maketh them mery that are sad by reason of Melancholie and the hea rbe it selfe eaten raw as some say ingendreth good bloud Colewortes according vnto Rhasis opinion bréedeth black choler troubleth the sleepe with éeuell dreames but it lenifieth the throate and breast it maketh the belly soluble and taketh away drunkennes Isaac writeth of Colewortes that the iuce therof drunken looseth the bellie but eaten without broath they doo bind and therfore to amend their faute the first iuce wherein they were sodden must be cast away theÌ„ they must be sodden with good fat meate Onions seasoned with oyle do neither heaten nor coole nor prouoke thirst but
make an Appetite And Dioscorides saith that if the iuce of them be receiued in at the nose it purgeth the head very wel and stamped with Vineger taketh away spottes prouoketh sléepe and softneth the bellie The Gourd after Auicen is good for the cholerick persons and hurtfull to the melancholick and fleagmatick and Dioscorides writeth that the iuce therof holden in the mouth aswageth the toothach Cummin according to Rhasis is hot and drie because it healpeth digestion and breaketh wynde Dioscorides reporteth that being mingled with Vineger it stayeth the termes and being drunken or annointed stoppeth the bléeding at the nose and maketh pale and low coulered The séede drunken with water doth effectually cure wringings gripings and windines in the guttes and Isaac saith if it be mingled with windy meates it rectifieth them and killeth wormes being drunken Fenell seede also saieth hee increaseth milke it dischargeth the stoppinges of the Liuer and bladder expelleth the stone of the Kidneis and is good against long agues and saith Dioscorides being mingled with eie confections it taketh away the mistines froÌ„ them Hyssop after Rhasis is hot being eaten helpeth the eie sight of weaknes it remedieth the whéezing in the Lungues it driueth foorth woormes and causeth abortion and healpeth to disgest our meate Garden Lettice as saith Isaac is the best of all other Hearbs to ingender good bloud and being vnwashed it is the better and is soone concocted It prouoketh vrine it quencheth red choller in that stomack it cooleth the boyling of the bloud it bringeth sléepe and increaseth bloud and seede Mintes also saith hée is hot and drie in the second degree comforteth the stomack prouoketh appetite It clenseth away al lothsoÌ„nes of meate from the stomack procéeding of corrupt humors also it clenseth the roughnes of the tongue being rubbed therwith If it be sodden in vinegre and with the liquor the chawes be washed it clenseth the rottennes of the gummes but they must afterward be rubbed with pouder of dried Mints Cresses as Rhasis saieth are hot and therefore heate the Liuer and stomack they also molifie the bellie and driue woormes out of the Maw they prouoke desier of wéemens company clense the Lunges and take away the whéesing help stopping of the Milt and procure abortion Poppie as Isaac deuideth it is white and black The black is that wherof they make Opium the white is more commendable nourishing of which Dioscorides writeth thus They that are wont to eate Poppie it bréedeth in them mutch sléepe and forgetfulnesse Rhasis saith that the séede of white Poppie is colde good for the throate and breaste and maketh one sléepe Persley also saieth Isaac is hot and drie in the end of the third degrée it prouoketh vrine and Wéemens termes resoluing windines and increasing seede and as Serapion saith Persley layd plasterwise vppon wheles scabbes and morfew cléereth the skin wonderfully aswageth the paine of the kidneis bladder rarefieth y passedges of that body in opening the pores prouoketh vrine sweat clenseth the Liuer and resolueth the windie collick I eekes as testifieth Rhasis ar hot dry although they prouoke appitite yet make they the head to ake and ingender éeuyll dreames and are hurtful for them that are commonly troubled with the continuall headach and those that are soone offended with heat Isaac therfore giueth counsell that it were good immediatly vpon them to eate Lettice Purslain or Endiue that by the colones of one the heate of the other may bée delayed Béeing eaten raw they clense the pipes of the Lunges from grosse humours they open that oppilacions of the liuer stop the salt rewme Purslaine according to Rhasis by quenching thirst and inwarde burninge bindeth the bellie and taketh away the chilnesse of the téeth bindeth the laske procéeding of red choler and it diminisheth natural sede If wartes be rubbed therwith saith Auicen they will come away by the rootes Radish as Rhasis writeth is hot and drie tareing long in the stomack it maketh the iuce subtile and lifteth it vp vnto the mouth of the stomack and so prouoketh vomit The leaues digest our meate and prouoke appetite in vs being receiued but in small quantitie And Isaac saieth that if they be eaten after meate they breake winde and by reason of their heauynes they make the meate to go downe And Dioscorides addeth that the roote being eaten with salt increaseth milke prouoketh vrine and the Flowers with a litle grated Ginger put into an hollowe tooth aswageth the toothach presently The Rape after the iudgment of Isaac is hot in the second degrée and moist in the first It nourisheth more theÌ„ al other hearbs yet is it hard of digestion it maketh soft and foggie flesh it stirreth vnto company of wéemen increaseth séede Plinie in the second booke writeth that the Rape being sodden driueth cold out of the féete And the coÌ„mentarie writer Auorrois in the fift of his colections saith that the Rape hath a marueilous force to cléere y eie sight Rue as the learned Isaac reporteth is good for concoction bicause it hath the faculty to expell grosse claÌ„mie humors it breketh windines moistneth the belly And Auicen saith that it taketh away the lothsome sauour of Garlick Léekes Onions sharpnethe the sight and taketh away the desier to weemen Sage after Diosc prouoketh the termes procureth abortion The broth wherin the twigs and leaues are boiled repres the thoughts of lust and motion to venery The iuce of the leaues maketh heire black Macer saith thus of Sage If it be laid vpon the bite It heales the poysoned rankling quite Spinage and Succorie are temperate agreeable to the throate Lunges stomack the lenifie the belly make very good nutriment Todestooles according to the doctrine of Rhasis are cold grosse ingender raw fleame Those of theÌ„ which be red are naught for if they be eaten they ingender the collick and at no time they must be eaten without warme sauces Musâ—hroms are farre worse then Todestooles whereof some be stark poyson and will choke a man kill him presently But the best of them ingender fleame Isaac saith thus of them by these tokens you shall knowe them that will kill men They be soft slimy and grosse and beinge slit in the middle and let to lye so all a night the next morninge you shall finde them rotten Chap. 29. Of Frutes THus by experience the noble Galen writeth of Frutes my father saith hee had his health all his life time bicause hée eate no frutes And wheÌ„ he was dead I began to eate frutes and by meanes therof I fell into sundry and long continuing diseases And after that I abstained from rathe frutes I had neuer any sicknes sauing an ague which helde mée one day Then shewed I the same vnto my friendes and they that beleeued mée abstained from
Poyson or Pestilence The Fildbeards after Rhasis are not so hotte as the other Nuttes are but are heauier and are good agaynst the stynging of Scorpions And Serapion saieth of them that if Fildbeards bée roasted with a litle Pepper and eaten they ripen the Catarre or Rewme Cheastnuts as Constantinus writeth are wyndie they mooue to the acte of the fleash they yéeld mutch nutriment they are hard of digestion and therfore accordin◠vnto the counsell of Isaac they must bee rosted that their éeuell facultye may bée therby amended and their substance rarified Then do they aswage the drinesse of the breast and all the body and moderate the difficulty of makinge water The Acorne also according to the same auctour béeinge disobedient vnto digestion bindeth the belly but prouoketh vrine and they do nourish Beaten into pouder and the pouder laide vpon the Vuula drieth vp the rotten humours that vse to haunte and hurt the same Cap. 30. Of Spices PEpper by the aucthority of Rhasis helpeth to concoct the meat well and dissolueth windines and beeing very hot heateth the stomack and liuer and hurteth hot bodies especially in Summer Ginger also according to the same Aucthour is hot and moist and in helping concoction is profitable for those whose stomacks and Liuers are colde It amendeth the dimnesse of sight rising of moisture and as Auicen writeth it augmenteth the memory and clenseth the moisture of the head and throat Zeadoarie according to the same Auicen is a triacle or preseruatiue against all poisons and as saith Constantinus if consumeth the swelling by winde and comforteth the stomack it prouoketh the appetite taketh away that stinking of the mouth through eating garlik and according to Macrobius aswageth the heat of the wine which wee haue drunken Galingale likewise as writeth Auicen is hot and drye it resolueth windines maketh the mouth sauour well helpeth the stomacke concocteth the meate augmenteth defier to weemen and cureth the paine of the kidneis Cloues also saith hée are hot and dry in the their degree they make the body smell well they sharpen the sight they comfort the stomacke and Liuer Cinamom after ▪ the opinion of Rhasis is hot and dry which in strengthning mutch helpeth the stomacke liuer it causeth good concoction and expelleth windines Also saith Isaac it openeth oppilacions and prouoketh the termes Saffron likewise saith hée beeing hot and dry in the first degrée comforteth the stomack openeth the stopping of the Liuer helpeth them that are shortwinded and comforteth the weake partes And Rhasis thus speaketh of Saffron in his Almansor A certen woman saith hee was very long in labour of childe bed and could not bee deliuered And I gaue vnto her one dramme of Saffron and immediatly shée was deliuered and this haue I tried often And béeing drunken in wine it is of singular force to make one merie Plinie in his seconde booke saith whoso drinketh Saffron firste shall not feele any surfet and a crowne made therof and put vpon the head releaseth drunkennesse Carawaies according vnto Constantine is hot and dry in the third degrée it dissolueth winde it strengthneth the stomack it killeth woormes it helpeth concoction and prouoketh vrine Chap. 31. Of Certen Sauces MUstard is hot and dry in the middes of the fourth degrée it drieth vp the moisture of the head and stomack And Auicen writeth some say quod hee that if one that is fastinge drinke it it maketh a good vnderstanding and it clenseth the humours of the head And Plinie saith in the second booke that musterdseede prepared with vineger driueth forth grauell Salt saith Rhasis is hot and dry it taketh lothsomnes from meates and maketh the tast sharpe and it prouoketh the appetite But whoso eateth salt in any great quantity it causeth mutch adustion in the blood it weakneth the eie sight it diminisheth naturall seede and ingendreth the itche Venigre according to the same aucthour is colde and drye making a man leane weakning the powers it diminisheth the séede it strengthneth Melancholye and weakneth red choler and blood and maketh the meat subtile and fine wherwith it is receiued Honie as saith Isaac in the second booke is hot and dry in the second degree it taketh awaye the cause why the body cannot bee nourished and altereth the éeuell disposition vnto better and expelleth the aboundaunce of éeuell humours out of the pores and clenseth the filth of the veines and therfore is very agréeable vnto them that are cold and moist of Nature and vnto old men And vnto hot complexions it is as poyson for it is soone conuerted into choller If it be turned into the warmnes of blood it maketh it the warmer So that Honie being eaten raw ingendreth windines and maketh a man to swell bréedeth the roughnesse of the throat and prouoketh vnto vomite and siege Oyle Oliue as Plinius writeth in the fourth booke maketh euery body soft which it toucheth giueth force and strength restraineth al manner of poysons driueth away payne looseth the belly clenseth the face appeaseth the swelling cléereth the eiesight helpeth the headach and aswageth the heate of Feuers The Oyle of Nuts saith Rhasis is very hot and dissoluing and according vnto Auicen it is good against the ringwoorme inflamacions and pustles in any part of the eie The Oyle of Almondes after Rhasis is temperate and is good for the Breast Lunges Bladder and Kidneis but if it be eaten it bréedeth lothsumnesse and departeth slowly out of the Stomack And as saith Dioscorides if it be mingled with Honie it taketh away that spots in the face maketh smooth the skarres where wounds haue bin it clenseth the mistines of the eies and taketh away the skales from the skin Oyle of Poppie is to be iudged of according to the nature of Poppie wherof we intreated in the Chapter last goyng beefore And thus endeth the first Booke the contents wherof I haue gathered out of the best approued Aucthours ¶ FINIS ¶ The second booke of Table Phylosophy which speaketh of the manners béehauiour and vsedge of all sutch with whom wee may happen to bee conuersant at the TABLE The Preface HAuing ended the discourse concerning the Nature of Meates and Drynkes which are set before vs vpon the Table it followeth now that wee say sumwhat touchinge the Manners and conditions of whom wee be matched at the Boorde For as saith Macrobius in the third Booke of his Saturnalia There is no part of wisdome so great as to applie a mans talke to the place and time hauing a regarde to the estimacion and calling of those that are present For some will be incouraged with examples of Vertue other with good turnes and some with the commendation of Modestie that sutch as haue vsed themselues otherwise and hearing the same may amende their liues And therfore as touching them with whom we be set at the
third of the Politickes writeth thus whoso would haue wit and vnderstanding to gouerne saith he it semeth he would haue God and the lawes to gouerne but whoso will haue a man of himself without these to gouerne putteth a very sauedge beast in aucthoritie For when rage and lust beare sway then good men go to wrack so that vnderstanding without affection is as good as a written law Likewise Vegetius in his first booke and first chapter of the art of war it is decent for a Prince saith he that no man know mo things nor better things then he for his knowledge may profit all his subiectes and for that cause Princes ought to applie themselues to the study of wisdome Chap. 4 Of the Gentile Byshops VAlerius in his fift Booke and fift chapter writeth of Horatius Puluillus who being Bysshop and as hee was after the guise at those daies consecrating a great Church vnto Iupiter while he was pronouncing the solemne woordes holding the post in his hand woord was brought vnto him that his sunne was dead hee neither plucked his hande from the post neither changed his countinaunce from the publique religion to his priuat sorow because he would not séeme at that present to sustaine rather the person of a Father then of a Bysshop In the same place likewise he writeth of Xenophon who being offring a very solemne sacrifice it was tolde him that his eldest sunne was slaine Then did he only put of the crowne from his head demaunding of the messenger in what sort he was slaine And vnderstanding that he was killed fightinge very valiently he put the crowne vpon his head againe shewing that he tooke more ioy of his valiencie then he did greif of his vntimely death S. Ierome in the second booke against Iouinian writeth that Zenon that Stoick reporteth of the liues of the auntient priests of Egipt how that setting all worldly care and busines apart they alwaies remained in the Church searching the hid natures of things obseruing the motions of the stars They neuer companied with their wiues nor any woman nor neuer saw their children nor kinsfolks after the once they betooke theÌ„selues to diuine seruice They abstained froÌ„ eating flesh drinking wine chefly to auoid the motion to the flesh which coÌ„meth by those meats the drink They did seldome eate bread but they vsed oyle both to driue away lothsomnes and to take away the roughnes of their throats What shall I speake of foules séeing they eschewed egs and milke as fleash wherof they sayde the one was liquid fleash and the other bloud the coulour onely being chaunged They laide a footstoole vnder their heades in stéede of a pillow and fasted two or thrée daies togeather And Aristotle in the seauenth of his Politickes the Priests saith hée haue charge of althings appertaining to the God and to sée that houses bee kept vp tight in repairacions and those which bee fallen downe may be builded vp agayne and that others be appointed vnto their purposes and for this cause they bee had in reuerence Sum of these Bishops are termed by one man Princes by an other Kinges sum call them Potestates Prouosts and Maisters Sée then if the Priestes and Bysshops of the Gentiles were so religious continent and holie what ought our Christian Bisshops to be Chap. 4. Of noble Personages TVllie in his booke of olde age writeth that when a certen man in reproche saide vnto Themistocles that hee had no honour of himselfe but that all his estimacion came vnto him by reason of his cuntrey surely saide Themistocles if I were Seresius I should bee but a verlet and if thou were an Athenian thou wouldest neuer haue bin of any estimacion Cecilâ—us Balbus of the toyes of Philosophers writeth that when one a time one being borne of the race of a Senatour and at that present mutch imbased obiected to Epaminundas the vilâ—nes of his birth I am glad quoth he that I am rysen of my selfe and thou art fallen of thy selfe and wee both together are honour and dishonour Salust in the Oracion of Marius against Iugurth when one 〈◊〉 â—ery mutch in his owne conceit in respect of his owne 〈◊〉 and therfore reproched Marius basenesse although saith hâ—â— we haue one nature common vnto vs all that eueâ—â—◠〈◊〉 maâ— if he can be most valient and most noble yet if there â—â— anâ— man that despice-me let them do that which is a agréeable to their manners since the exercise of vertuous exploites is the verie beginning of mine honour They enuye at mine honour let them also enuie at my paines and mine innocency and my traueiles and my daungers for by these haue I woon it Now sée I beséech you how vniust they bée they wyll not suffer me to get that by mine owne vertue which they boast in themselues to haue bin gotten by another And because I haue no images and my Nobility is new and now first risen in my selfe which better it is to get first then to dishonour it being once gotten before As for mee in my iudgment there can no mans talke hurt mée For if they speake ill of mée my béehauiour shal declare their report to bée false The Speare and Shield Ensigne Barbed Armour for the Courser with other rewards of the Fielde and scarres in the fore parte of my body these are my Images this is my Nobilitie not left vnto me by inheritance as theirs is but gotten by mine owne aduentures and traueill And Iuuenall the Poet saith very well I rather had Thersites sun thou were so that thou might Like Pyrrhus beare Vulcanus Armes in midst of Martial fight Then if Achillus should beget one like Thersites foule A dastard wretch that could do naught but prattle scould skoule And Albertus vpon the first Booke of the Ethickes saith how it is read that the Emperour of Rome Dioclesian who gouerned that Empire very valiently was taken from among shéeperds And he is a right Gentleman saith Seneca that is naturally disposed vnto vertue Chap. 5. Of Knightes VAlerius Maximus in the third Booke and second Chapter writeth of a Knight that was Captayne of a band vnder Augustus and had geuen many a sharp shoure vnto Antonius and went away euermore with the better hand At length being taken by treason and brought prisoner to Alexandria Antonius asked hym what hee should do to him Then the Knight said commaunde mee to bee slaine quod hee for neyther with hope of life nor feare of death will I bee perswaded to forsake Caesar and serue thée Howbeit the more constantly hee despised his life so mutch the more easly hee obtained it For Antonius pardoned his life for his vertuous sake Frontinus in the fourth booke and first chapter of his warlike pollicies reporteth that when Flaccus and Varro were Consuls then were Knightes first dubbed and admitted vnto that order by an othe for before they were gouerned
age Iosephus in the first booke of Antiquities Let no man saith hée thinke that to be false which is written concerninge the long liuing of our forfathers in the old time For in respect of their vertues and the singular profits which they deuised for mankinde as are the Artes of Geometrie Astronomie and such like GOD inlarged the tearme of their life for else they could neuer haue come vnto that perfection in them It is read in the Cronacles that about the yéere of our Lorde a thousand an hundred twentie nine Ioānes de temporibus which liued in the time of Charles the Maine and whose Squire hée was died Papius in the beginning of his Romane historie writeth that the same Romulus which builded the Citie of Rome and called it after his owne name chose into his counsell an hundred Senatours whose aduice hee might vse in all matters whom by reason of their yéeres and for the likenes of the charge he called Fathers Chap. 13 Of Citizens ARistotle in the third booke of his Politickes defineth a Citie after this maner A Citie saith he is an vnitie of those that be like méeting together to liue in happy societie And felicitie is a certen treasure surpassing all other thinges and the very exercise of all vertues And these be the things without which there can be no Citie for why the lyfe of man requireth many necessaries The first is foode then Arts next weapons to subdue the disobedient the fourth store of mony the fift instructions in religion whom they call Priestes the sixt a company of Judges to confer togeather what is right and what not if any of these be lacking it is no perfect city And therefore there must néedes bee Husbandmen to prepare Victuales Handycrafts men Warriours ritchmen Priestes and iudges And moreouer he saith whoso hath abilytie to participate or communicate that is to geue or take counsell to rule or to bee ruled the same is a perfecte Citizen Likewise Citizens ought to agrée and not to fall out for as saith Orosius in the second Booke of his Orchmestra the most wise Citizens of Athens beinge taught by their owne harmes haue said that smal things grow greater by concord and great things are destroyed by disagréement and whatsoeuer was done well or yll in their Commonwealth their Domesticall contention at home and their continuall warringe abroade subuerted all wheerby they left to their posterytie an example of ruine with small hope of recouery but yet a most certen lesson to learne that it is good to folow that counsell in prosterytie which seemeth best vnto vs when we were in aduersitie Vitarbius in his worke of Architecture or Building writeth that the Temple of Mars was builded without the walles of the Citie because their should be no bloudy dissention among the Citizens but their force should serue them to defend their walles in time of warre Chap. 14 Of Marchantes VAlerius in his seuenth Booke and fourth chapter maketh mencion of one Claudius Centimmalus who hauinge an House standinge very high vpon the top of the hill Celius in Rome was commaunded by the Colledge of Southsayers to take downe sumwhat of the height therof for that it hindred sumdeale the perfect view of their Southsayinge But hee immediatly solde it vnto Calphurnius Lauarius Then Cato beinge a man of greate integritie condempned the seller in the law for that hée toulde not faithfully to the byer both the commodities and discommodities like to ensue of the purchase whiche hee ought to haue doone Lykewyse the same Aucthour in the fyrst Booke and second Chapter writeth how that in the Prenestine Siege it fortuned that one which cought a Mouse sould him to another for two hundred Pence sutch was the scarcytie of victuales there But it chaunced not longe after that hee whiche sould it dyed for hunger hymselfe and he that bought it escaped a liue The lyke Example is reported by Frontinus of the Casseline Siege Aristotle in the first of the Politickes writeth that vpon a time a certen man reprochfully cast Millesius in the teeth that hee was a Begger as though Phylosophie were a knowledge vnprofitable to it selfe and in no respect benificiall to the Professours thereof Then Millesius perceyuinge by the iudgement of Astronomie that the next yeare there woulde bee but verye fewe Oliues in the Winter while there was great stoare hee gaue Monye in earnest vnto the Fruiterers and Maisters of Gardeines in Miletum and Tyrus vpon a price for all their Oliues the yeare following as though hee distrusted not but that there woulde be great stoare But when the tyme came and there were indeéde but fewe and manie called for them hee soulde them all suddainlye togeather makynge what price hee lyst and by that meanes gatheryng a great summe of Monie declared thereby how easie a matter it is for Phylosophers to bee rytch when they lyst but Ritches is not the thing that they séeks for In the same place it is also set downe that in the I le of Sicil a certayne Marchaunt suddaynlye bought vp all the Iron that was there aboute or that was to bee gotten out of the Mines Afterwarde there came strainge Marchauntes vnto the Marte and no man soulde Iron but hee onely not mutch raysing the price but of euery fiue Talentes hee gayned tenne Pence reseruing vnto himself a compotent profit But Dionisius the Tyrant tooke his goodes from him and would not suffer him as a finder out of wealth which thinge was mutch against his profit to dwel any longer in siracusis For as the expositour saith vpon that place tyrants may not abide to haue their subiectes ritch Chap. 15. Of husbandmen and Husbandrie IN the commendacion of husbandry Orosius in the seuenth booke saith that in the thrée hundred fourescore and eleuen yéere after the building of the citye of Rome Quintus Cincinatus which was Distator was found in the cuntrey and taken from the plough and taking the honoure vpon him and mustering his Armye obtained a great conquest ouer his enemies And Valerius writeth that they which were sent vnto Astilius to come take the whole gouerment of the army vpon him found him in the fieldes going after the plough tayll sowing of corne Howbeit those handes whiche were worne with exercise of husbandrye established the sure welfare of the commonwealth and vanquished hugie armies of raging enemies And those handes which not longe béefore guided the yokes of the drawing Oxen held then the reignes of the triumphant charret And Plinius in the xviii booke of the historie of nature it is the saying of Marcus Curius saith hee that thesame is a naughty Citizen that cannot bee sufficed to liue with seuen acres of lande What was the cause then that they had sutch plenty Forsooth their generalles and gouerners tilled the lande with their owne handes and the grounde reioyced at a Laureat share and a triumphant ploughman
And looke with what diligence they went into the warres with thesame they tilled their fieldes And ordred their land with as mutch care as they did their Camps Many times captaynes yea and whole Senates haue bin fet out of the cuntrey And now bondslaues till thesame ground and damned handes and proscribed countnances Valerius in the seuenth booke and tenth chapter telleth of Valerius Coruinus how hée béeing an hundred yéere olde and in good strength of bodye left beehind him not onely a wished example of dealing in Publique functions but also in tilling the land and all maner husbandrie And Noble Cicero in the fifte of his offices saith that among all trades wherby a man may liue ther is none to bee preferred beefore husbandrye nothing sweeter or more plentifull nor fitter for a gentleman Chap. 16. Of Handicraftes men ARistotle in his booke intitled secrets of secrets sheweth of the wonderfull operation of the influence of the Planets in the natures of men and other things by that which hapned vnto a childe the sunne of the kinge of India For when the childe his sunne was growne to some yeeres the king would haue had him brought vp in learninge for which intent hee sent him throughout all India and other Prouinces adiacent very honourably accompanied as it was beesittinge for the sunne of sutch a Prince But the fathers diligence profited him nothing at all for why the childes disposition could not bée brought vnto anye other thing but to bée an handicrafts man Wherwith the kinge beeinge mutch troubled in his minde sent for all the wise men of his Realme to come vnto him and when hee had told them that the cause why hée sent for them was to knowe their opinions concerninge his sun They answered him that hée should applye him to that wher to he was most inclined and so hée did In the same place also hee telleth of a certen weauer that had a sunne whose natiuity foreshewed that hée should bee a greate wise man full of graue counsell and in fauour with Princes And when his father would haue instructed him in his own art of weauing hee could not learne it Then did hee whip him and beat him and gaue him vp vnto his owne will and the bâ—y ioyninge himselfe vnto learned men obtayned knowledge and vnderstanding of the heauenly motions and of the gouerment of Princes and at length was made one of the kinges Counsellers Macrobius telleth in the seconde of his Saturnalia that when Augustus returned from the Acticane victory amonge those that went to gratulate his returne ther was one which caried a Chough whome he had taught to say God saue thee Caesar our Empe. vanquisher of Antonius being likewise saluted by a Parrat hee willed y they should both bebought And wondring at the same in a Pie commaunded that to bee bought also Which thing a poore Cobler béeholding taught a Crowe to speake in the same maner And béeing ouercharged with cost and séeing that his birde would not answere was woont to say often all my labour is lost all my labour is lost But at length when the birde had perfectly learned the salutacion hée offred her vnto the Emperour who answered that hée had already enow sutch Birdes at home which saluted him after that sort Then the Crowe by chaunce remeÌ„bring the other speach which his Maister mistrustinge his docility had often times vttred béegan to speake aloude before the Emperour saying I haue lost my labour I haue lost my labour wherat Caesar laughed and commaunded him to bée bought likewise Chap. 17. Of Ritch men AEMilius Probatus in his booke of Captaines of forrein Nacions telleth a storie of the Princes sunne of Athens how meruelous liberall hée was who hauinge fermes and grainges in many places of the cuntrey hee neuer put anye kéepers ouer his corne or frutes but suffred euery man to take what hée list his seruants followed him with monie to giue away if any lacked immeadiatly lest hée shoulde séeme to deney it by deferring it If hee saw anye man ill apperrelled hée woould giue him his owne clothes from his backe Hee alwayes prepared great plenty of meat that those whom hée found vnbidden in the stréets he mighte haue them all home vnto his house which hee did euery day and missed not His credite his helpe his goods neuer was failinge to any that had neede He encritched many and buried many poore folke of his owne cost Cecilius Balbus of the Philosophers toies reporteth that Agathocles kinge of Sicilia said that a man ought to vse plate of gold as hée would cuppes of clay for it is far more better to shine in good maners then in ritches He vsed at his meales to dine and suppe in earthen vessels and on a time when one demaunded of him the cause hée answered in this sort Of Sicil though I now bee Kinge a Potter was my sier Whoso to ritch and high estate shalt happen to aspire Arising eft from base degree vse fortune reuerently And call to minde what was thy state beefore thou rose so by And therfore this kinge considering the basenes of his parentage was content to féede in earthen vessel as other poore men are Valerius in his third booke and fift chapter reporteth that Marcus Curius at what time the Ambassadours of the Samnites came to speake with him bid that they should come into him wher they founde him sittinge vpon an euell fauoured fourme very homely Who merueiling at his pouerty and deliuering vnto him a great summe of Mony which they desiered him to accepte and to vse it at his néede and pleasure hée refused it willing them to tell the Samnites that Mar. Curius had rather rule ouer ritch men then be ritch himself And remember this quod hee that I can neyther bee ouercome in batteill nor corrupted with monie The same aucthour likewise telleth of Frabricius who was greater then any man in all the City in honour and aucthoritye and match with the poorest in wealth and reuenue who also sent backe vnto the Samnites many great giftes in whose tuition and charge they were Hee was ritch without mony and kept a great family for why it made him ritch not to possesse mutch but to desier sufficient Chap. 18. Of Poore men FRontinus in his fourth booke first chapter telleth how that Scipio after the hee had atchiued notable exploits in Spaine writeth that according vnto a law made by Seleucus against adultrie his sunne who was apprehended in the same should haue lost both his eies And when the whole City for the honour and duty which they bare to the father deured that the punishment might bee remitted long time refusing to bée intreated but at length relenting at the peoples sute first putting out one of his owne eies and next one of his sunnes notwithstanding fulfilled the whole punishment deuiding himselfe as it were beetwéene a mercifull father and a iust
iudge In Policratus the fift booke and second chap. it is set down that when on a time there arose a certen controuersie béetweene King Alexander and certen of his souldiours and the kinge had the foyle in the field iudgment hée thankefully accepted the iudgment and gaue great thankes to the iudges whose faith hee had experimented in preferring iustice béefore the respect of any Potentate Chap. 23. Of Lawiers AVlus Gellius in his Nightes of Athens telleth an historie of a young man who cumming to Pithagoras to be instructed in eloquence promised him a great summe of mony for his paine to bee payd that day when hee first pleaded cause beefore the Judges and obtained it But when hee had well profited in the art and would take the handlinge of no causes vpon him Pithagoras conuented him beefore the iudges saying vnto him now will I haue my reward whether sentence go with thee or against thee For if sentence go on shy side then my rewarde is due and if it go againste thee then is it due also for haue I iudgment on my side Theâ— answered the schollar vnderstand this mutch Maister quod hee if sentence go on my side then owe I nothinge vnto you by vertue of the sentence and if it go against mee then by our bargaine I owe you nothing bicause I preueill not and am not well taught Which controuersie the iudges perceiuing to bee very litigious and doubtfull deferred the Matter vnto a very long day so that I iudge the case is not yet discussed Heylinandus in his second booke of the institucion of Princes telleth how on a time Demosthenes demaunded of Aristodius what reward hee had receiued to speake who answered a Talent and I quod Domosthenes had a more to hould my peace Thus a man may see that some Lawiers tungues may do hurt vnlesse they bée tied with a siluer chein and many times they sell aswel their silence as their words Valerius writeth in the seuenth booke and third chapter howe that two men which were geastes in a house brought certen mony and deliuered it vnto the goodwife with this promise that shee should deliuer it againe vnto them both togither And a good while after the one of them came and deceiued the woman requiringe the monie and sayinge that his fellowe was dead which she foorth with deliuered Not long after the other came also and demauÌ„ded the mony Wherat the poore woman beeing in distresse made the oratour Demosthenes of her counsel who made this answere in her behalf My friend quod hee this woman is redy to tender the mony but shee may not pay it to you vnlesse your fellow come with you for as you say this was the agreement beetweene you that it shuld not bee payd to the one of you without the other Cecilius Balbus in the place beefore recited telleth of an auncient souldiour of Rome who on a time being in some daunger beefore the iudges beesought Caesar to come avrode into the court to helpe him Vnto whom Caesar appointed a good lawier Then the souldiour said O Caesar quod hee when thou wast in danger in the Asiane warre I sought not a deputy but I fought myself for thee and there with all hee discouered vnto him the skarres of the woundes which hee had receiued there for him Immediatly Caesar sprang foorth and came to helpe him fearing lest he might seeme not so mutch proud as vnthankefull Chap. 24. Of great mens Bailiffes IOsephus in the thirtenth booke and twelueth chapter of Antiquities writeth how that the Emperour Tyberius was sumwhat hard and waiward in all his busines and affaires and looke what Receiuers hee had appointed in Prouinces hee seldome or neuer changed them And beinge demaunded why hee did so hee answered bicause hee spared the poore people For if the Receiuers knewe that they shoulde haue their office but short time then would they sucke vntill the blood folowed and how mutch the shorter time they shoulde bee in office so much the more intollerable they would deale and they that came new would destroy all that they founde Which saying of his hee confirmed by the example of a man that lay wounded by the way in the Summer season and would not haue the flies driuen away which were about the wounde And one which came vpon the way supposing that of weaknes hee had let them alone draue them away Ah sayd he you haue done ill for these flies were now full of blood and troubled mee but litle and the freshe ones whiche come will sting mee more sharpely Euen so new appoynted officers do pinche the commons more eagerly Aristotle in the Secretes of Secrets writeth in this wise vnto Alexander Neuer set sutch a Bailiffe to rule in anye place which wil bee corrupted with mony for in so doinge thou shalt subuert thy realmes and beesides thou canst repose no assurance in sutch a one as gapeth after treasure and commodity For hee serueth thee for the golde and giueth vp his sences vnto mony and by pouling of others seeketh to fill vp vp his bottomlesse bagges And looke how mutch his mony increaseth so mutch the loue therof groweth and perhaps the loue of mony may induce him to the destruction of thy selfe and thy kingdome And shortly after in the same place hee setteth downe fiftéene conditions generally to bee required when wee would get or choose a Bailiffe The same Aucthour likewise in the second booke of his Rethorickes prouing that Procuratours Rent gatherers Bailiffes Receauers ought not vpon small occasion to be chaunged wher hee vseth for proofe Esops fable of the wounded Foxe goinge vpon the way and the flies which sate vpon him and sucked his blood Then the Vrcheon comming by mooued with compassion would haue driuen them away To whom said the Fox do not so I pray you for these are now full of blood and if new should come they would molest mee more as new Bailiffes and Stuewards doo Chap. 25. Of Frindes and Frindship VAlerius in the fourth booke and fourth chapter writeth of a paier of frindes called Damon and Pithias which were so faithfully linked in frindship that when Diâ—nisius the tyrant would haue put one of them to death and had giuen him respite before hée died to go home and dispose his goods in order the other of them doubted not to yéelde his life in pleadge for his frinde And when the day of his returne approched and hée was not yet came euery man condemned this foolish suerty of folly Howbeit hée sayd that hée doubted nothing of his frindes constancy But at the verie same houer and moment when his friend should haue died in his stéede hée came and offred himselfâ— to death Whose frindship and constancy the tyrant wondring at forgaue the punishment and moreouer requested them to let him bee the third frind and to receiue him into their constant band of amity Likewise the same Aucthour in
that it seemed to procéede froÌ„ the very hark intrailes must needes bee true that what woman soeuer wisheth the act euen without the act doing is an harlot Valerius in the seuenth booke and third chapter writeth of a certen vestale virgine in Rome called Tuccia whose chastity beeing obscured with a sinister report of incontinency and shee her selfe beeing priuy of her owne innocency tooke into her handes a siue and thus prayed vnto the goddesse Vesta saying Vesta if I haue alwayes touched thy sacrifices with chaste and vndefiled hands commaund that I may take water out of the riuer Tyber with this Siue and cary it into thy Temple Which indeede shee accomplished the common course of Nature giuing place to her boulde attemptes Likewise Saint Ierome in the place béefore alleaged writeth of another vestale virgin named Claudia who béeinge suspected that shée had playd the harlot and at that presente the Image of the mother of the Gods stuck fast in the Oase of Tyber in a shippe to giue example therfore of her integrity it is reported how shee tied her girdle vnto the shippe and that shée drew it so away more theÌ„ many thousand men were able to accomplish And Saynt Augustine in his woorke de ciuitate Dei writeth that the antient Romanes were wount to bury aliue the vestale virgins that were corrupted and whatsoeuer other Wéemen were taken in adultrye they were one way or another punished but none were put to death supposinge it méete to punish more seuerely the breach of a deuine vowe then of humane chastity And thus as I iudge I haue runne ouer all sortes of men with whom a man may happen to bée conuersant with all at the table FINIS ¶ The third Booke of Table Phylosophy which containeth certen delectable and pleasant Questions to be propounded while wee be at meate or at any other time The Preface NOw since we haue already breifly intreated concerning the manners and behauiour of those with whom wee may chaunce to be accompanied at the table next it remaineth that with like breuity we run ouer certen pleasant questions of table talke For as witnesseth Macrobius in his first booke of Saturnalia A well nurtered minde cannot solace it felfe with more profit or seemelines then in taking opportunity to dispute and demaund questions after a learned and vertuous manner and if neede be to answer with courtesy and men cannot question of any thing with greater delight then of matters of learning And therfore as saieth the same Macrobius in the third booke the first thing which we ought to obserue at the table is to weigh the estimation and callinge of euery geast and the next to take occasion when he seeth it offred to speake not to poure forth our own secretes amonge the cuppes neither yet to minister crabbed and vnpleasant talke but rather profitable and delightsome Questions ¶ The first Chapter containing fiue seuerall Questions FIrst therefore and foremost this may bee demaunded whether that the Aier or Meate bee more necessarie for the preseruation of the lyfe of Manne And it séemeth of the twayne that Meate is more necessary since that is more necessarie whiche supplyeth that substaunce whiche is lost and whiche may be a member or part of a member of the bodie of whiche nature is our Meate according to the assertion of Auicen But indeede Constantinus is of the contrary opinion sayinge that Aier is more necessary to the body prouing the same both by Reason and experience By Reason thus Life consisteth in naturall heate because naturall heate is the beginninge of lyfe wherfore that thinge which tempereth naturall heate retayning it in the naturall temperature is more necessary but the Aire which by way of breathinge wee drawe in is of sutch sort whâ—rfore it is more necessary By experience thus If a man be suddenly brought out of a stinkinge close prison first he desiâ—eth to take the fresh Aier and afterwarde calleth for Meate and Drink But against the reason first alleaged it may bee answered negatiuely for lyfe consisteth in two points the one is a beginning sumwhat far of as restoringe that which is lost and the conseruation of all the members and parts In respect of which the nourishing of natural heat is most necessarie whiche is immedyatly and principally maintained by the qualities of the Aire And therefore Aier is more necessary to the preseruacion of lyfe for that it respecteth the life principally and immediatly Secondly it may be demaunded which of the two Meate or Drynke is more necessarie vnto life To this may bee answered that Meate is although that Drinke bee commonly more desired then Meate The reason of the first is that that is more necessary which restoreth the thinge whiche is lost then that which serueth onely to conuey the iuce about al the body But Meate is ordained to restore the parts and Drink to cary the meate about the body wherfore the conclusion is manyfest And that Drink is more gréedely desiered the reason is for that drink delayeth the vehemency of natural heat in which respect it is more necessary vnto lyfe then Meate as is the Aier also Thus Drinke hath two offices first it conueieth the Meate vnto all partes of the body and so is Meate a thing more necessary then drink Secondly it mitigateth the naturall heate and preserueth it in the iust temperature and is therby more necessarie then meate Wherfore any lyuinge creature can longer liue without meate then drinke Thirdly this question may be demaunded Wether euel Aier or euell Meate do more hurt the bodye Whereunto it may be absolutely answered that éeuell Aier hurteth more for that it is more noisome vnto the hart which is the fowntaine of Naturall heat and of the spirites Howbeit wee may vse a distinction herein that a thinge may do harme after diuers manner of wayes Fyrst if it touche some noble and princypall part and the other thing do not so Secondly if it alter it often times and it cannot otherwise be avoyded Thirdly if it touch it immediatly And by these three meanes éeuill Aier hurteth more then éeuell Meate For it toucheth a principall parte and it is often drawne in and it toucheth the part immediatly Fourthly a thinge may hurte the more because it maketh a stronge impression Fiftly if it continnue there longe and cleaue longe time vnto the â—â—â—ber And by these last meanes corrupt meate eaten aâ—â—â— more then naughtie Aier drawne in â—â—urthly this demaund may be moued Whether Meate â—â—â—pe do more comfort the bodye It may bee answered 〈◊〉 lack of Meat doth more gréeue the body then lack of sléep and therby concluded that Meat is more necessary then sléep And the reason is this for the sléepe restoreth not that which is lost neither appeaseth the vehemency of natural heate from woorking vpon the natural moisture which being consumed then death is at the dore which meat doth wherfore it is more necessary Moreouer
wrought and barly dough blacke For two causes first for that that which is in the vppermost of the wheaten bread is sooner altered by the heate of the ouen as béeinge a thing hot and is conuerted into whitenes And secondly bycause the husky part of the barly reteineth in it more moysture then doth wheat which causeth the blacknes Seuenthly Since hony is a more clammye substance then water how chanceth it that paste which is made vp with hony is more brittle in the baking Water is ioyned glewed togither by heat of the fire But hony glueth togither drieth with al and therfore is more brittle for brittlenes cōmeth of drinesse Eightly why is bread which is made of new corne worse thē that which is made of olde In new corne there yet remayneth much watrish and slimy clamminesse wherby it is lesse commendable then that which is made of old grain The. 8. chap. Of Wine conteining 13. Quest COnsequently I thinke it méete to intreat of wine concerning which ther may be many profitable questions mooued likewise resolued not with out delite as first if according vnto the assertiō of Auicen in his cātickles Rhasis in Almansor it be good once in a month to be drunken with wine Vnto this answereth Auerois in his cōmentarie vpon the Canticles of Auicen that this opinion of drunknes is but a drunken opinion erroneus For although accordinge vnto the iudgement of Galen Wine is as agréeable to the mayntenance of naturall heate as Oyle in the Lampe to preserue the burnynge light notwithstanding like as to mutch oyle rather hindreth the light and extinguish the candle so doth ouermutch Wine quench natural heat altogether Howbeit if it be delayd with water it is more conuenient but it hurteth the animal heate and the sensible organes therof both the brain and sinews Secondly why surfet they sooner that drink delaid Wine thē they which drink it pure Concerning pure Wine generally Galen saith that for sutch as naturally haue weake veynes it is better to drinke water then Wine And to come nearer to the purpose Aristotle in the third part of his Problemes giueth a thréefolde cause vnto this demaunde the first bicause that which is tempered or mingled by reason of the subtilitie thereof entreth into more narrow passages then doeth that which is not tempered secondly bycause men drinke lesse of that which is mingled as liking not so well of it as of that which is not tempered and thirdly that which is impermixt and without minglyng is hoater and digesteth the residue of the meat which is in the stomack sooner then the delayd Wyne is able to do Thyrdly Why doth Wyne which is vnmingled with water sooner cause a mans head to ake then that which is mingled The vnmingled Wine is thick and sticketh in the passages sendyng vp the vapours and fumes with heat into the head and the mingled Wine beeing thinner and also delayd bothe perceth sooner and fumeth lesse Fourthly what is the cause that mingled wine moueth a man more to vomite then the cleane wine doth The swimminge of the watrishnes of it about the stomacke procureth lothesomnesse and maketh apt to vomit Fifthly why do not children which are hoat of complexion loue wyne which aged persons and men of perfit strength beeing hoat also do greedely desire Men are hoat and drie and children hoat and moyst and the desire vnto Wine is the appetite vnto moysture which moysture abundyng in children kéepeth them from drinkyng and the drieth which is in aged men stronge persons prouoketh them to a desire of drinke Sixtly when wine is clensed from the Lees why is it stronger and not durable Macrobius in his Saturnalia the fourth booke writeth that hauing no strength nor matter to cleaue vnto it is on euery side exposed vnto dangers for the Lees is as it were the roote wherby the Wine is strengthned preserued Seuenthly why doth wine immoderatly taken ingendre both hoat and cold diseases It is to be noted that there be two qualities in Wine the first is to heaten and in this respect it rather procureth hoat then colde sicknesses the second is to stuf the brayne and to fill the sinews Thus when cold vapours arise from the Wyne they cause vnlustinesse fulnesse and vndigestion and consequently procure cold diseases Eightly Whether doth Wyne ingender most of Fleame or Blood Séeing as wée haue béefore concluded Wine bréedeth colde humours doubtlesse it breedeth also more Fleame then any other humour The reason is that when wine is quaffed in great abundance it is not perfectly digested causeth likewise the residue of the meat to fayle in concoction thereby ingendring abundance of Fleame But indéede if it bee moderatly drunken it increaseth blood aboue other humours Ninethly Doth Wine hurt the brayne Isaac saith yea And Galen also affirmeth that it hurteth the brayne and helpeth the stomack And albeit that at the first drinkyng wyne doth properly warme yet bicause it fumeth mutch it anoyeth the brayne fillyng it with vapours and stoppyng the sinews Tenthly Why doth strong Wine hurt the braine and comfort the stomacke and weake wyne worketh the contrary effect Bicause Wine heateth the stomacke whereon consisteth digestion stronge Wine is of greater effect in this case then is the weake But agayn how mutch stronger the Wine is so mutch the more it sendeth vapours vp into the head so that the strength therof bréedeth inconuenience Eleuenthly Why doth the vse of Wine ingender the sower gulpyng or belchyng in the stomacke more then water The sower belchyng neuer hapneth in the stomacke but when digestion is beegun and Wyne stirreth vp naturall heate and is as soone digested as Milke Wherfore like as when they bée out of the stomack they soone waxe sower so do they likewise in the stomack Tweluethly Whether doth wine or meate comfort naturall caliditie Isaac saith that wine doth and the reason is bicause it is very swiftly conuerted into natural heat comfortinge it mutch more then any meat doth But meate when it is conuerted into nutriment doeth more restore that which is lost and comforteth and preserueth the body longer Thirtenthly and lastly If wyne must needes be giuen vnto the sicke whether were it most expedient to giue them new wine or olde Although the common people do contrary and mutch amisse yet new wine is far more holsom for them then olde The reason is for that how mutch the newer the wine is so mutch the lesse it is inflatiue or windy and for that cause is more conuenient for them then are the old wines The 9. chap. Of Fleash conteinyng 4. quest HEnceforward now let vs sée what may bée sayd of Fleash And first it may demaunded why strong Fleash is soonest digested It is answered in the Saturn that naturall heate is strong in a man which stoutly inuadeth the matter and substance which resisteth it consuming dissoluing the same and that
he shoulde leaue nothyng for hym selfe Kyng Antiochus shewyng his mighty excellently furnished armie vnto Hanibal asked him yf he thought not that it was sufficient for the Romanes Yes surely quod he vnlesse they be to couetous Pleasauntly iesting at the kinges saying who asked him touching the number and strength of his armie and he answered of the spoyle Philip kyng of Fraunce hauyng certayne poore priestes with him at his table at dynner perceiued one that sate farthest of at the boardes end conueying an whole Capon into his pocket When dinner was ended the king called him aside and enquired of him secretly what he studyed who answeared Diuinitie Why sayd the kyng is it not written in the Scriptures that you sâ—ould not be carefull for meate against to morowe yea sayd the Priest and therefore because I would put away all carefulnesse I haue done this thyng Chap. 6. Of princes and their merie iestes IN the second booke and seconde Chapter of the before alleâ—ged aucthour Valerius there is set downe an hisâ—orie of a young gentleman who burnyng in the loue of Philisâ—iatus dâ—ughter which was Prince and Tyraunt of Athens and meâ—ting with her by chaunce kissed her openly in the sâ—reete For which â—â—ct his wife the queene dealt earnestly with him to cause the youÌ„g gentleman to be put to death To whom hée answeared if wée kyl them that loue vs what shal we do vnto them that bate vs Frontinus in the fourth booke of his stratagemes sayeth that it behooueth a Prince to be sage and auncient in behauiour meaning that he ought to followe graue and moderate counsell Againe Valerius in the first booke and thyrde chapter writeth that when Dionisius Prince of Syracuse hauing sacked the temple of Proserpina at Locris passed the seaâ— with a merry winde and a prosperous course he laughed vnto his frendes saying sée what an happie iourney the immortall gods haue geuen to a theefe and a stealer of holy things The same king taking from the Image of Jupiter a golden coate of a great weight and putting him on another of cloth said that the golden coate was to heauie for summer and to colde for winter and the wollen indifferent for both the seasons Likewise he tooke away the golden platters and crownes which the Images held foorth in their handes saying that it was a folly to refuse their giftes whiche they offer vs of whom wée require all kinde of good thinges S. Austeâ— in his woorke de Ciuitate Dei writeth of Fabius the destroyer of the citie of Tarentum that when his secretarie demaunded of hym what shoulde be done with the images and pictures of the gods whiche were many and armed as though they were goyng to the warres declaryng his incontinencie he spake gestingly saying let vs leaue vnto the Tarentines their angrie gods Chap. 7. Of Earles and their meerie iestes IN bookes of histories I finde it written that when certayne Jewes came vnto the Earle of Subaâ—dia desyring hym that they might dwel within his dominions he forbid them saying that they had not yet made peace concernyng the vniust death of their Lorde and therefore how durst they be so bould as to come into his land A certayne religious man required of the Earle of Bellimount for Gods sake to geue some tymber out of his Forest towarde the making of seates in his Churche Then sayd a knight that was present My Lorde wyll consyder of the matter Nay quod the Earle God forbid that I shoulde take any deliveraunce on this matter since he asketh for Gods sake of whom I haue receiued all that I haue and therefore let him take whatsoeuer he néedeth for the seruice of god A certaine souldier desired an Earle his lord and master to ayd and helpe him to bring vp his daughters whiche were tenne in number Which request one of the Earles seruantes a churlishe fellow and very ritch hearyng excused his lorde and sayde that he had not where withall Yeas sayd the Earle I haue thee and I geue thee vnto him and thou shalt geue him an hundred pound to redeeme thy libertie and so he dyd When the Earle of Bellimount was hardly besieged in a Castle by the Infidels and determined to goe foorth with a fewe and to fight for the fayth of Christe agaynst an infinite multitude one of his souldiers said that it was daungerous for a fewe to encounter with so great an host then quod the Earle I would to God that as many as beleeue not in God were here with them and so by reason of his strong fayth be obtained ouer them a glorious victorie Cap. 8. Of knightes or souldiers and their merie iestes NOwe must we geue to vnderstand that whatsoeuer is here written of knightes is likewyse to be applyed vnto the name of souldiers for that the latin woord Miles is indifferent to them both so that what so is sayd of one may be applyed to the other But to come to the matter I finde it written in histories that there was a certayne noble knight which gloryed that he was of kinne vnto nine kinges whereof hauyng named sixe he could not deuise the other three Then a iester standing by sayd vnto hym Syr I knowe well the other three O well sayd freend quod the knight I pray thee tell me which they be Mary quod the iester the three kinges of Collein A knight which made a feast would haue the priest to washe first you doo well sayd the priest to make vs washe first and sit downe last Yea answeared the knight me thinkes wee doo best for of al other you ought to be fyrst cleane and last drunke A certayne knight which was ryding to a turneament chaunced to méete with a Priest by the way and returnyng from the turneament brought home a broken legge with him And perceiuing that the Priest came not to see him demaunded the cause of him who answeared I was afrayd that you had béen angry with mee because I met with you before you broke your legge for it was counted ill lucke to méete with a Priest if a man were going foorth to warre or to turneament Nay sayd the knyght it was good lucke for me for yf I had not met with you perhaps I had broken my necke Two knightes fought a combat for lyfe whiche should slay the other and when the one had ouerthrowen the other the conquerour standyng vpon him sayd vnto those that stoode by some body take pitie vpon hym And when he had often called vnto them and no man would entreaâ—e for his lyfe then quod this gentle knight I my selfe wyl take compassion vppon hym so he let hym ryse and they shooâ—e handes and departed both togeather ouer the seas There was a knight which meâ—te with the Prior of his Parishe cumming home very drunke from the Chapter which was held in the Abbey wherof he was of whom he asked what
newes The drunken Prior answeared a vengeance on this Abbey for they were woont to haue twelue dishes of meate at a dinner and this day they had but eleuen Then answeared the knight If I had but two disshes of meate in my house they would suffise me and thou wretch as thou art canst not be contented with eleuen surely I wyll geue thee the twelfth and there withall he threwe him downe in the durt There was a knight which desyred much to heare his wyues confession which she denyed hym because he hadde on neyther Surplice nor Stoale And when he had gotten them and put them on and disguised hym selfe he called her and she confessed her selfe vnto hym saying that when she was young she loued a young Gentleman and afterward a Squâ—re and then a Knight and next a Foole and lastly a Priest Then the knight hearyng that in a rage cast of the Surplice and the Stoale and asked her angerly if that Priest were nowe liuing and she sayde yea requesting hym that he would reueile it to no man And after three dayes when he had sufficiently bit on the bridle and vexed him selfe she came vnto him and sayde Deare husband vnderstand that that which I sayde vnto you in my confession I spake it for the nonce and I tould you the trueth for first when I was married vnto you you were a young gentleman and afterward a Squire then were you dubbed a Knight and after that you became a foole because you coueted to vnderstand such matters of your faythfull Lady and nowe lastly you are become a Priest for you haue heard my confession Frontinus in his fyrst boke wryteth that when Scipio landed in Africa comming foorth of the ship he fell downe to the ground and because his souldiers should not be afraide Heare ye my souldiers said he I haue now taken all Africa Cap. 9. Of Squires and armour bearers and their merie iestes QVintus Curtius in his historie of Alexander the great wryteth that when Alexander fought with Darius there was a Persian who putting on the armour of a Macedonian souldier came behind Alexander and strake him on the head but his helmet was so hard that the stroke glaunced away and did him no harme Then being apprehended and brought before the king and demaunded why he had done so answeared that Darius and he had couenanted that yf he coulde kyll Alexander he should then marrie his daughter and haue part of his kyngdome Then Alexander liking well of the couenant and praysyng his aduenture suffered him to depart safe to his company A certayne Squire offered him selfe vnto a king to serue hym saying that he was very sturdie and bould On a tyme seeing raine lying vpon the kinges head he would haue beaten it of and as he was dooing the king boughed with his mouth to make him afraide Then he immediatly lyfted vp his hand and gaue him a boxe on the eare that he cast him to the ground saying wylt thou eate me vp But when the other seruants would haue apprehended him the king bid them let him alone saying I tooke him into my seruice because he promised me that he was boâ—ld Two Squires were sworne fellowes concerning all their gaynes and pray whereof one went into turneament and gained much the other went not but required his my Lorde sayd the poore man yf you heare hym speake then haue I surely lost my Cowe in deede An Aduocate â—ntred into the Cisterian order and was set to kéepe sheepe In a tyme when great trouble arose in the Abbey there was none found that could geue any good counsell but he only At the length being called and required whâ—rfore he medled not with the Monasterie matters answeared O brethren God geueth abrode in the worlde and the Abbot in the order of religion A certayne Earle going forth on Pilgrimage put his lawier in trust with his wyfe whyle he should be absent When the Earle was departed the Lawyer began earnâ—stly to sollicite her to consent to his incontinent lust whereunto because she would not agree he withdrewe from her her meate and apparrel and other necessaries apperâ—eyning vnto her necessarie furniture At length fearing lest she should be starued and that the people would thinke that it came through some euyll desart of hers graunted to consent vnto him and sent her handmaide to bed vnto him in her stéede And when he had taken his pleasure of her he cut her finger which the Lady hearing tred a linnen cloth about her owne finger Now when the Earle was returned and this bawdy Lawyer thought to haue shamed the Lady before her Lord she disprooued his trecherie and proued him a lyer saying Looke whose finger is cut she it is that lay with you and there withall she plucked away the cloth and shewed her finger that was whole A certayne Lawyer had taken sees of both parties in a controuersie of one a Cowe of the other an Oxe Nowe when he shoulde pleade for him that had geuen him the Oxe he was dumb and could not speake Then sayde the Client Speake Oxe and he answeared The Cowe wyll not suffer me A man of the countrey desyred an Aduocate to teache him the best woord belongyng to an Aduocate and he would geue him a certayne number of Goslinges for a reward Then sayd the Aduocate whatsoeuer is asked of thee in iudgement deny it and require a longer time to answeare although thou knowe it wâ—ll already Nâ—w when the Aduocate sent his seruantes for the Goselinges the countreyman denyed them saying that he owed him none But at length confessing the det hée required a longer terme to pay him which was an whole yéere after A certein Lawier which obtained the vpper hande in all causes became a Munke and beeing made solicitour for the Abbey all matters went against him And when the Abbot was much displeased therwith hee said vnto him my Lorde bée not angry for now I dare not lie and face as I haue done béefore and therfore I loose all matters that are committed vnto mée And Aduocate béeing very sicke his friendes that were about him thought it expedient for him to receiue the CommunioÌ„ ere he died Then said he I will hear iudgment whether it wer best for mée to do so or not Then said his frindes wee iudge it best But I appeale froÌ„ your sentence quod hée for you are not my iudges and so died And an old verse there is written of lawiers many a yéere agoe I haue heard some which made their mone That Lawiers friendly are to none But whether that bee true or no It is not lawfull to say so Chap. 12. Of Marchant men byers and sellers A Proper iest of a certen Marchant that would neuer come to Church nor heare sermons and beeing mooued often times by his wife therto said alwayes vnto her go thou for vs both On a night he dreamed that he
in her whyle shee hath the company of a fuller A woman seeing a souldior valiently behauing himselfe in a turneameÌ„t much coÌ„mended him fell in loue with him But wheÌ„ he put vp his beauer to take the ayre the womaÌ„ coÌ„ming apace to see him perceiued that it was her husband shee made a mock at the matter cared not for him A certaine ielous man set two ouerseers to tend vpon his wyfe who passing by the house where her louer was for the nonce fel downe in the myre And leauing her two keepers at the doore shee fayned an excuse to goe into that house to washe her selfe when shee had made merye with her louer shée came forth went her way There was a woman which oftentimes would say vnto her husbaÌ„d that if he should dye shée would neuer marry more But when he was dead shee talked as touching marrying another euen by his coffins side her mayd rebuked her saying that her masâ—er was warme yet If he be warme quod the mistres I wyl blow vpoÌ„ him tyll he be cold A certaine ielous husbande followed his wyfe to confession whom when the Priest should leade behind the Aultar to be displyed the husband perceyuing it doubting the worst cryed vnto him saying heare yee master Person my wyfe is young tender I pray you let mee be desplyed for her And kneeling downe before the Priest I pray you quod the wyfe to the Priest strike him hard for I am a great sinner A woman whose husband had swynged hyr well went vnto a Gentleman that was disseased and tolde him that her husband was a very good Phisition but that he would cure no man vnlesse he were fyrst well beaten Then she caused him to goe thither from whence he brought home his back full of stripes and thus his honest wyfe was reuenged on him Chap. 19. Merie iestes of maydens and young vvomen AN olde woman which was desirous to make a matche betweene a young man a mayde caused a lytle bytch which shee had to eate mustarde and when the bytche wept with the strongnesse of the mustard shée shewed hir vnto the mayd saying that somtyme shee had beene a mayd for refusing a young man which loued her intirely shee was chaunged into a bytch for sorrow therof wept so continually Which thing the mayd hearing consented vnto her louer A certayne young man gaue himself to the Deuyl for a mayd which he loued ardently and could not obtaine her loue But when the Deuil also doing his best saw that he could not bring it to passe to make hir loue the young man hée went to an old woman promised hyr certayne skinnes for a reward if shée could mollifye the maydens heart Which when shee had brought to passe and required the skynnes of the Deuyl he reached them vnto hyr vpon the ende of a long poaâ—e saying I dare not come nere thée bicause thou art worse then I am according vnto the olde verse A wicked woman fraught with all euyll Is by three farthinges worse then the Deuyll A good honest whore woman being by hyr husband taken a bed with hyr louer consulted with an olde mother Bee of hyr acquaintaunce how to excuse the matter But the olde woman perceyuing that the husband the night before had eaten an hearb called Cheruile vnto his supper sought occasion to méete him in the stréete and saluted him saying God saue you both Then sayd the husband why speakest thou thus vnto mée since I am alone Then shée rubbed hyr eyes saying a vengeance on this hearbe Cheruile which I eate the last night for â—uer it maketh mée to take one for twaine The husband remâ—mbring that hée likewyse had eaten Cheruile the nyght before thinking the old wyues tale to bée true and that it had wrought in him the lyke effect helde his wyfe excused A certaine olde woman hearing a young wyfe euermore gyuing hyr husband ouerthwart answeres for that cause had borne him many a blow sayd vnto her if thou wylt I wyll tell thée how thou shalt lyue in quiet with thyne husband wherevnto shee wyllingly agreed Then quod the olde woman thou shalt goe into my garden at the full of the Moone and knéele downe before the hearbe called wormwood and desyre it to tell thée some counsell that is good And marke well what the hearbe sayth vnto thée and doe so At the tyme appointed the olde woman hyd her selfe behind the bushe of wormwood and when the young woman according to her instruction began to vtter her request to the hearbe saying O thou most bytter wormwood tell mée what I shall doe that is good the old woman answered If thou wylt liue in peace and rest Answere with reason for that is best And euer after shee vsed her toÌ„gue better liued more in quiet Chap. 20. Merye iestes of Boyes BOetius in his booke of the discipline of schollars wryteth a storie of a boy whom his parents corrected not in his youth for his naughtie demeanour But increasing euery day more more in wickednesse at last coÌ„mitted such great robberies that he was led to the gallowes to be hanged desyring to kysse his father ere he dyed came vnto him and byt of his nose saying that if he had corrected him for smal faults wheÌ„ he was a chyld he had not then come vnto that shame A certayne lytle boy séeing his father beating his mother euery daye hearing him saye one night when he was a bed that he had forgotten to doe one thing I know what that is quod the chyld what sayd the father Mary sayd he to beate my mother A man had two sonnes wherof one alwaies craued a piece of whatsoeuer was at the boord whom the father rebuked set them both togither on a stoole And when the young boy saw meat on the table that he lyked durst not aske it he hemmed and the father threw a piece of meate at the other Then sayd the lytle one what a paine is this that I must hem and another must haue the meate Chap. 21. Merye iestes of blâ—nde folke SEneca the wyfe in his fifty two Epistle writeth thus vnto a friend of his you know Harpasta the foolish woman my wife whose eye sight sodainlye fayled her Shee requesteth of her schoolemaster to goe into another house saying that it is verye darke where shée now is In â—raiectum the lower there was a blinde man which by begging had gotten twenty poundes in Turone groates which he hyd vp in the parishe Church where he dwelt vnder one of the pewes which the clarke perceiuing sought for in the same place found it and caried it away The next morning the blind man seeking for the money according to his custom not finding it sayd vnto his boy leade me into the chancel among the chaplins marke whom thou seest
had saued mony enough to redéeme his Church lands which his predicessour had layd to morgage But he answered that he was far more liberal then his predicessour for sayd he I haue payd his debts and mine owne also A Bishop in France promised Philip the French Kynge that the first Prebend that fell in his gift he would giue it to whome soeuer it pleased the Kynge And when many fell voyde and the kyng was pleasured with none he was sore offended To whom the Bishop sent this answer desiring his grace not to be offended for he had yet giuen neuer an one of them but sould them all The Bishop of Mentz coursed an Hart and after long ruÌ„nyng the beast leapt into a deepe ponde and a greate Pike caught him fast by the throat And when the Hart came out of the water hee brought the Pike with him hanginge by his throat and so hée tooke them bothe and sent pieces of them abread for present to his friends A certain Priest was accused vnto the bishop of the Diocesse for buriyng his dead Asse solemly with Dirige Masses of Requiem And béeing much rebuked for so doing he certified the Bishop that it was a very godly Asse had made a will had bequeaâ—hed his Lordship fiue pounde which he had now brought vnto him And when the Bishop had receiued the money he said let him then rest in peace so discharged the priest A noble younge Gentlemen that was a schollar in Paris sayd that all Bishops in France were blinde bicause they gaue not som good benefice to his maister beyng but poore and well learned Not long after being himself made a Bishop he was so blinded with his spirituall promotion that he neither gaue his poore maister any thing but on a time when he came to Paris his Maister went and met him bearyng a couple of Waxe candles burnyng in his hand And when the Bishop asked him why hée did so hée answered bycause your lordship should sée mée for you are blinde A certain Bishop had many yonge Nephewes and Kinsfolkes in his house which alwaies sat at meate at a low table before him and whensoeuer any preferment fell voyde he repulsed other and bestowed it vpon one of those Then a man of worship whom the Bishop had bid to dinner set himself downe at the childrens Table And béeing demaunded by the Bishop why hée did so hée answered that hée could not be preferred sittyng at any other Table neither knew he any other then those that sat there aduanced by him vnto any dignitie Chap. 28. Of Archdeacons AN Archdeacon being in visitatioÌ„ spent whole daies in feasting making good chéere when the people looked that he should haue preached vnto them the word of god And as hee was going from hearyng Masse vnto dinner an olde woman sayd vnto him that they looked for that which was his dutie to do meaning to shew them their duties out of the word of god Well quoth the Archdeacon I will not call thée to counsell what I had best to do But shée answered surely he had small care of our soules that put them in trust to thée An Archdeacon visited his parish Church from which hée was promoted vnto the Archdeaconrie And there came vnto him an husband man to aske counsell saying M. Archdeacon I married a poore wife and now I know where I may haue a ritch one is it lawful for mée to fâ—rsake the poore one and to take the ritche The Archdeacon answered by no meanes Then said the husbandmaÌ„ but you haue forsaken a poore church and keepe a ritch Archdeaconry Which he hearing gaue vp his Archdeaconry and returned to his owne Churche A certein Priest against his Archdeacon shoulde come in visitacion hauinge none other prouision killed a litle Asse which hee had and dressed him in the stead of Veale and wheÌ„ the Archdeacon fead hungerly theron at dinner and the Priest himselfe woulde eate none the Archdeacon demaunded the cause Then quod the Priest your Mastership saith that I haue wit and learning litle ynough already and therefore I neede to eate no asses fleash When the Archdeacon heard this he arose from the table in a rage and immediatly departed chap. 29. Of Canons and their mery Iests IVlius in his booke of Bees writeth an history of one Philip that was Chancellour of Paris who hauing many benefices was in his sicknes admonished by the Bysshop to resigne theÌ„ vp for feare of longer incurring Gods displeasure who answered that hee would try the truth of that béefore the greate iudge But shortly after hee was dead hee appeared vnto the Bysshop like a shadow and sayd I most miserable wretch am damned and that cheifly for thrée causes First for my fruites which I kept from the poore Secondly for my pluralitye of benefices And lastly for my detestable whoredome Moreouer hee sayd is the world yet at an end Then quod the Bysshop I marueill that thou hauinge in thy life time beene a great clarke and seeing mee and other liuing who must all die beefore that day come shouldest aske mee that question But hee sayd marueill not at all for in hell there is neither knowlegde nor reason Maister Albertus sayd vnto a Canon of Colein which came home from the Court with a dispensation to haue many benefices Before you might haue gone to Hell without licence and now you must néedes go thither by vertue of your dispensation There was a Canon which had two Canonries one in one Church another in another the dreamed one night the two staues were reatched vnto him and the same night the bishops of both Churches died Then some of his familiars expounding his dreame said that he should be chosen bishop in both places and riding out the next day morninge he fell from his horse and brake both his legges and was faine to go with two crutches to beare himselft vp withall Chap. 30. Of the Hault and Lame ON a time there came vnto a sanctes church so many hault and Lame people to be cured that the Priest could not driue them foorth Then said the priest giue me your staues I wil heale you all And when he had them he sent for fier beinge demaunded what he would do with it Burne him that is most lambe quoth he that you may all be healed with his Asshes And when they heard this they ran all away Cap. 31. Of Priests A Certain poore lecherous Priest had a concubine whom he loued well wherof the Archedeacon hearing commanded him either to forsake his Church or to leaue his concubin But being loth to depart from his Concubine he resigned his benefice and when the harlot saw that he had nothing now to liue withall she would tarie no lenger with him and so he lost both profit and pleasure together A certein Priest had two Concubines one yonge another olde The younge bicause