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A05326 A helpe to discourse. Or, A miscelany of merriment Consisting of wittie, philosophical and astronomicall questions and answers. As also, of epigrams, epitaphs, riddles, and iests. Together with the countrymans counsellour, next his yearely oracle or prognostication to consult with. Contayning diuers necessary rules and obseruations of much vse and consequence being knowne. By W.B. and E.P. Basse, William, d. ca. 1653, attributed name.; Phillips, Edward, 1630-1696?, attributed name.; Pond, Edward, d. 1629, attributed name. 1619 (1619) STC 1547; ESTC S117185 70,959 300

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vpon the earth But man enioyes all these with his head hee lookes vp to Heauen with his minde he lookes into Heauen with his feete hee walkes vpon the earth his armes keepe the ayre as the bird flyes with his eyes hee contemplateth heauen and earth and all sublunarie things hee hath an essence as other bodies produceth his seede as Plants his bones are like stones his blood like the springs in the channels of the earth his hayre like the grasse the ornament of the earth c. hee liues as a Plant flourisheth as a Tree for a man is a tree turned vpward his feete are like the boughes his head like the roote Beside some creatures are onely as Starres some are and liue as Plants some are liue and haue sense as Beasts some vnderstanding as Angels all these concurre in man Est viuit sentit intelligit Q. What three things are those that hee which often remembers shall seldome doe amisse A. That aboue there is an Eare that heares all an Eye that beholds all a Booke wherein all our offences are written Whereunto may likewise bee annexed as a second memento and not inferiour to the first being S. Anselmes obseruation vpon the last day Where at thy right hand shall thy sinnes be accusing At thy left hand infinite Diuels expecting Vnder thee the furnace of hell buruing Aboue thee an angry Iudge Within thee thy conscience tormenting Without thee the world flaming Where only the iust shall be saued Whence to flie it wil be impossible To continue still intollerable Therefore while time is preuent that that in time will bee for as one saith If it bee not preuented it will bee repented Q. Who was hee that neuer laughed but sometimes wept as we reade in the Scriptures A. Christ of whom we read that he three times wept 1. When Lazarus was dead 2. Ouer Ierusalem 3. Vpon the Crosse when he deliuered vp his spirit with cryes and teares Q. There bee foure duties wee chiefly we and among all other are especially bound to pay and which be they Debemus Deo timorem Patriae amorem Parentibus honorem Proximo fauorem To God feare To our Country Loue. To our Parents Honour To our Neighbour fauour A Rule for our Life So Learne as if Thou shouldst liue alwayes so Liue as if Thou shouldst die to morow Suspice coelum despice mundum respice finem Looke vp to heauen despise the world respect thine end Q. There are three especially vnhappy in the Law of the Lord and who are those A. 1. He that knowes teacheth not 2. He that teacheth and doth not 3. He that is ignorant and yet learneth not Q. Was there any writing before the floud preserued notwithstanding the Deluge after it A. T is answered We haue no writing before the flo●d yet S. Iude doth somewhat insinuate of the writing of Henoch and Iosephus and others write that he erected two pillars the one of bricke and the other of stone wherein he wrote of the twofold destruction of the world the one by water the other by fire which by Tradition was preserued to the dayes of the Apos●les Q. What was the sentence according to the opinions of the learned that Christ wrote with his finger in the dust of the pauement of the Temple A. Some thinke it was the same that he spake Hee that is innocent let him throw the first stone at her others thinke it was this Festucam in oculo cernis trabem in tuo non vides Thou seest the mote in thy brothers eye but not the beame in thine owne Q. What Booke did Samuel write besides those two in Scripture that beare his name A. A Booke of the office and institution of a King Q. What Bookes did Salomon write beside those extant in Canonicall writ A. Salomon wrote three thousand Parables and fiue thousand songs besides that ingens opus of the nature ofal Herbes Trees and Plants from the Cedar to the Hyssop vpon the wall al destroyed by the Babylonians at the destruction of the Temple Q. Whether God created hurtfull creatures as Scorpions Serpents and such like A. It is answered there are some that seeme euill vnto vs which yet are not simply euill of themselues for no substance is euill of it selfe and the Scripture teacheth vs that Serpents were created among other creatures yet God pronounceth that all were good but that some creatures are now hurtfull to man that is not to be attributed to the first creation but to the second after the lapse or fall of man who if he had persisted in his dutie to God no creature should haue beene offensiue vnto him but ouer them he should haue borne a willing subiection For God made nothing euill neither doth he make sicknesse barrenesse lamenesse or the like but they rather haue deficient then efficient causes as the want of health his good creature is the cause of sicknes the withdrawing of light the interposition of darkenes and so of the like Q. What name was that among the Iewes so highly reuerenced that it was only lawfull for the Priests to name it and that but at the solemne festiuals A. The name Iehouah a word consisting but of seuen letters and yet of al the fiue vowels according to this verse Quinque simul iunctis constas vocabilus vna Dictio est magno maius in orbe nihil Fiue vowels ioynd together make a name In Heauen or Earth none greater then the same Q. What of all other are held to bee things of the greatest difficultie in Scripture to beleeue and of the greatest opposition to sence to conceiue A. Some thinke the creation of the world some the conseruation thereof and all creatures therein some the Incarnation of the Sonne of God others the resurrection of the flesh Besides these there are some that thinke Noes Arke and the vnion and preseruation of so many diuers creatures in it so many moneths fed ordered and at last safely deliuered out Q. In how many chapters doth consist the Canon of the old Testament A. In 777. The Iewish Rabbins haue collected to bee in the Bookes of the Law verses 5845. In the Prophets 9294. In Haggai 8064. In the Bookes of Apocripha chap. 173. In the new Testament chap. 260. Malachy which was the last of the Prophets stands as the Porch betweene the Old and New Testament whereat as Tertullian saith Iudaisme ends and Christianitie begins Q. Where was God before hee made the world A. Saint Austin notes this as vain curiositie to enquire as it is to demaund what he did before hee made the same and yet to giue the curious some satisfaction to the first he answers that God dwelt in himselfe at himselfe and was God to himselfe and for the second he was not idle in that he chose vs before the world and purposed in himselfe the creation of all things But hee that will farther busie himselfe to prie into this Arke how all things could
●nd the Fox take her and yet they sparde her me But once the Priest and she is gone Iest. 7. A certaine boysterous Rusticke yet prompt and conceited trauelling on the way with a long pike staffe on his necke was suddenly and furiously assalted by a great Mastiffe which came vpon him with opē mouth violence as if hee would at once deuoure him who presently to withstand the danger by rescue of himselfe runs the pike and sharpe end thereof into his throte whereupon he presently dyed which the owner thereof seeing comes earnestly vnto him and betweene threatning and chiding asked him why hee stro●ke him not rather with the blunt end of the staffe why Sir quoth hee because your dogge ranne not at mee with his tayle Iest. 8. A certaine vaine glorious Souldier bragged in all places that he came of 9. Kings that hee had of his kindred and going about to name them could reckon but sixe a Player standing by told him he knew the rest The three Kings of Colleyne Iest. 9. A certaine Astronomer had deuined of king Henrie the seuenth of England that he should dye in such a yeare the king hearing of it sent for him and questioned if he were an Astronomer who told him that he did professe that art the king asked him if he could foretell where he should bee in the Easter-holy dayes he answered be could not then quoth the king thou shalt see mee diuine more certainly for I tell thee thou shalt bee in prison whither hee Iest. 9. One asked a prostitute Ladie of Florence how her children so likely resembled her husband shee so vsually commersing with others Andswered I suffer no other to Board my ship before her carriage be full Iest. 10. One asked a Painter why seeing he could draw such excellent proportions he begot such deformed children who answered In tenebris quidem fingo sed in die pingo I make the one in the light and the other in the darke Iest. 11. A certaine conceited traueller beeing at a Banquet there chanced a Flye to fall into his cup which hee being to drinke tooke out for himselfe and afterwards put it in againe for his fellow being demanded his reason answered that for his owne part he affected them not but it might be some other did There is extant to this Iest an Epigram of Sir Thomas Mores which I haue here inserted Muscas ê Cratere tulit Conuina priusqu● Ipse bibit reàdit rursus vt ipse bibit Addidit causam muscas ego non am● dixit Sed tamenè vobis nes●io nunquis amat Thus Englished Out of his glasse one tooke a Flie In earnest or in iest I cannot tell but hauing drunke Return'd it to the rest And for he would offencelesse seeme He shewed his reason too Although I loue them not my selfe It may be some here doe Iest. 12. One asking a merry blinde man in what place he lost his eyes answered from either side his Nose So likewise Diogines beeing at dinner with a bald man thus sayde honest friend I will not speake thy contumely but commend thy haires that flew from so bad a head Iest. 13. It is reported of one Iames de Castello a Bononian a man of eminent knowledge and learning but exceeding little stature sent an Embassadour to Pope Boniface the eight insomuch that deliuering his Embassage the Pope imagining that hee kneeled on his knees made vnto him long action with his hands that hee should rise vp vntill one of his Cardinals gaue him to vnderstand that he was another Zacheus Iests A certaine fellow condemned and at the place of execution began to disputeth with iudge by what conscience he could hang him a poore thiefe and no malefactor who asked him by what conscience he could take from another that was not his and thus the controuersie began and continued till at last the hangman turnes him off and so ends the strife A CONCLVSION TO this book in way of answer to him that demanded what was the perfect vse of Bookes A. To increase knowledge confirme iudgement compare the times past with the present and draw vse out of both for the future to bring foorth the dead speaking and conferring their knowledge to the liuing according as the Poet to this purpose wittily writeth O blessed letters that combine in one All ages past and make one liue with all By you we doe conferre with who are gone And the dead liuing vnto counsell call c Bookes the most sweet commendable and delectable houshold stuffein the world the most free and trustie reprouers for Nullus amicus magis liber quam Those dead yet liuing companions those regular obsequies that speake not but when they are desired and no longer then they are contentiue from their Treasurie what continuall Physicke hath the World receiued to purge out the dulnesse of naturall capacitie and the very Image of death as the Poet stiles it Nam sine doctrina vita est quasi mortis Imago Yet from this sweet and excellent society what a part of the world are exempted and liue in darknesse Therefore thou which enioyst the vse thereof and art conuersant in their Councels be more in goodnesse as thou art in knowledge and then this conclusion shall well befit thee thy house and thy houshold-stuffe Conclusion Tum foelix domus est tum numerosa supplex Cum pius est Dominus bene parta domus Englished Happy the house the goods whereof excell When the owner 's Godly and those gotten well FINIS THE COVNTRY-MANS COVNSELLOR OR Necessary addition to his yearely oracle or Prognostication Calculated by Art as a Tutor for their helpe that otherwise buy more than they vnderstand Beginning with this yeare of our Lord God 1619. And so continuing forward as the Benefite and Vse shall incourage With many other necessary Rule● and Obseruations of much profit and vse being knowne By E.P. Philomathem LONDON Printed by Bern. Alsop for Leonard Becket and are to bee sold at his shop in the Temple neere the Church 1619. TO THE BVYERS yearely of Almanackes and Prognostications Prefatio siue Admonitio pia vtilie THou whose short span of life as plaine appeares Hangs but vpon the wast of some few years Which that Arithmetician best of men Cast but in his account threescore and ten How soone they will determine digge thy graue Thou maist obserue that seest what wings they haue How with no sound they wheele their times about Eating with silence Liues and Leases out As here 's a date but yesterday renude Nor more it seemes yet doth a yeare conclude In which that Dayry of little cost Is now runne out and that small value lost Wherewith t' was purchasd if thou not extend Thy thoughts to make it thus farre forth thy friend That euery yeare thy Almanacke thou buyest Thou art one yeare nearer to the yeare thou dyest And from that meditation so prepare Thy lise that death neere seize thee vnawares
and cranies of the earth and violently rushing out and the earth suddenly closing vp againe causeth the shaking or earthquake which is generally a fore-runner of warre Of Thunder and Lightning WHen an Exhalation hot and dry mixt with moysture is attracted into the middle Region and there inclosed in the body of a cloud now these two contraries thus included in one place together fall at variance and cannot bee reconciled but breake the prison wherein they are pent the violent out-rushing whereof maketh a noyse which wee call thunder and the fire lightning being both borne at one instant although the lightning bee the first perceiued in regard of the quicknesse of the eye before the eare Of the strange effects of Lightning THat which is dry burneth not at all that wich is moyst burneth not likewise but blasts and altereth the colour but that which is cleare is of a strange operation for it draweth vessels dry without hurting the Caske melteth the siluer without hurting the bagge breaketh the bones and hurteth not the skinne killeth the childe in the wombe without hurt to the mother It hurteth not the Law●ell tree entreth not aboue a yard into the earth such as are shadowed with the skins of Seales Sea calue● and the Eagle are safe as Pliny stories it The Auntient Aegyptians which were the first and best Astronomers haue obserued certaine yeares in a mans life to bee verie dangerous and these they name Clymacterical or stayry yeares Now a Clymactericall yeare is euery seuenth yeare of a mans life the reason is because then the course of the Planets returne to Saturne who most commonly is ●n enemy to our good and as the Moone which is the nearest and next Planet vnto vs and swiftest of course of all other passeth almost euerie seuenth day into the contrary signe of the same qualitie from whence shee came forth and so by that meanes bringeth in the Criticall dayes so Saturne which is the Planet furthest from vs and slowest of course for hee resteth in one signe so many yeares as the Moone doth dayes bringeth in likewise these Clymactericall yeares and causeth sundry mutations to follow hence it is that in the seuenth yeare children doe cast and renue their teeth Hereafter followeth certaine Clymactericall and dangerous yeares of a Mans life TThe 49. yeare composed of seuen times seuen dangerous 56. yeare to men especially borne in the night 63. yeares to those borne in the day time by reason of the drynesse of Mercurie and Venus Whereunto Octavius the Emperor seemeth to con●ent whereto this effect hee writeth to his Nephew to reioyce with him hauing passed ouer that deadly yeare enemy to old age 63 in which number the 7 and 9 do concurre as Heffman to that purpose more largely in his Booke De diebus an●nis Criticis reciteth The Criticall Dayes of a Mans life being collected throughout e●erie mo●eth are obserued these following 1 and 7 of Ianuary 2 and 4 of Frebruary 1 and 4 of March. 8 and 10 of Aprill 3 and 7 of May 10 and 15 of Iune 10 and 13 of Iuly 1 and 2 of August 3 and 30 of September 3 and ●0 of October 3 and 5 of Nouember 7 and 10 of December There are likewise in the year●more especially to be obserued 3 dangerous Mundayes to begin any businesse fall sicke or vndertake any iourney First Munday in Aprill which day Caine was borne and his brother Abel slaine Second Munday in August which day Sodom and Gommorrah were destroyed 31 Of December which day Iudas was borne that betrayed Christ. Of the 4. humors in mans body and how they raigne in their courses and first What a Humor is A Humour is a Distillation of a moyst and running body into which by the Limbecke of the liuer the meates are conuerted and diffused through the veynes and Alleys of the same for the better nourishmeut therof and are thus according to Lemnius described in his Booke De quatuor Complectionibus 1 Sanguine humor The bloud or sanguine humour is moyst and ruddy and hot the principall seate or cesterne thereof is the Liuer or Amwell head that watereth the whole Citie or body of man out of which issue forth the vitall spirits like vnto small and gentle winds that arise out of riuers and fountaines 2 Flegmaticke Humour The Phlegmaticke humour is of colour white and brackish and like vnto drops of fat his seate is chiefly in the kidneyes which separate to themselues the water from the bloud diuiding the bloud into the veines and expelling the water into vrine 3 Choller It is hote and fiery and to the taste bitter● like vnto Herbgrace or Rue and it serueth not onely to clense the guts of filth but also to califie the Liuer and to preserue the blood from putrifaction 4. Melancholy The Melancholy Humor is blacke and earthly resembling the lees of blood and hath his seate in the splene of which one thus writeth The Sanguine causeth cheerefulnes The Melancholy despaire The Collericke is churlish The Phlegmaticke is faire Euery one of these Humours raigne 6. howers blood is predominant from 9 of the clocke at night till 3 of the morning Choller from 3 of the clocke in the morning till nine of the same day Melancholly from nine till three in the afternoone and Phlegme from three in the afternoone till nine at night Also bloud hath his dominion in the Spring Choller in the Summer Melancholy in Autumne and Phlegm in Winter as Lemnius thus further in his sayd Booke testifieth Hereunto are annexed certaine verses describing the person and qualitie of that childe of Chase or Lady PECVNIA written long since by that Gentleman of quality I.T. and as something pertinent to our purpose hereinto inserted SHee is a Lady of most matchlesse carriage Wedded to none though saught of all in marriage Shee may be kistt yet neither washt nar clipt And if you wooe not warie soone ore-slipt Shee may belong and yet bee honest too To many Marchants spight they all cā do Who ere atchieues her speake her nore so fayre She le not stay long before she take the aire She le stay with no poore man her states so great A rich man may her for a time entreate Shee goes in cloth of siluer cloth of golde Off●uer all worths and values manif●lde But whē she goes in golden robes best d●●bt Then shee 's suspected most to be most light Shee needs no Physicke to recouer health For she 's still currant as rich in wel●h Some Irish Lady borne we may suppose Because shee runs so fast and neuer goes If shee be wrong'd in name and ill abide it Of all men Iustice Touchstone must decide it Shee that thus does and all doe thus to gaine her Being so atchieu'd shee is but slipperie bolde And will be gone vnlesse by force you straine her Changing her humour to another mould By pence and halfe pence and such little crummes Which of themselues so