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A54508 Hugh Peters figaries: or, His merry tales, and witty jests both in city, town & countreys. In a pleasant and historical discourse; shewing, 1. His merry pranks and conjurations, betwixt the miller and his wife, and the parson of the town in a kneading trough; with their several speeches. 2. How Mr. Peters was [illegible] by the butchers wife; and how he lighted the blind harper. With the rare conceits upon the citizens wives. 3. How he pretended to cloath Christ in a biff-coat; his opening of heaven gates to a committee-man; and how he looked for that monster Oliver Cromwel, but could not find him. With many other delightful stories. Licensed according to order. Peters, Hugh, 1598-1660. 1660 (1660) Wing P1701; ESTC R221455 5,397 10

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Ceremonies brake into this expression Ye must have Musick too but indeed when as ye say Lord have mercy upon us miserable Sinners ye may well vary the words a little and let your Petition be Lord have mercy upon us miserable Singers How Mr. Peters asked Grapes of Alderman Titchbourn Alderman Titchbourn so formerly called wrote a Book and entituled it A Cluster of Canaans Grapes and Mr. Peters meeting him asked him if his Worship would be pleased to bestow a Cluster of his Grapes on him at which the Alderman answered If he would come to his Vine meaning his house he should have his choyce of all his store How Mr. Peters opened Heaven Gates to a Committee-man Preaching once in Ireland and discoursing on the Times it came into his head with his Knuckle to hit against the Pulpit imitating to his Auditory he had been in Heaven and answering the sound quoth he who is there a Cavalier Oh a Calier you must not come here you must to Hell for you fight against the Parliament Then he knocks again and cries Who is there a Round-head Oh a Round-head you must not come hither you are factions and disorderly in Opinions so he knocks the third time and cries Who is there a Committee-man Oh a Committee-man he must come and shall laying his hands on the Pulpit door as if he would let him in How Mr. Peters wisked his Auditory to beware of three Ws. Mr. Peters preaching in a Country Village exhorted his Congregation in this manner Beware Beloved of three mischeivous Ws Wine Women and Tobacco but you will object Tobacco is no W to which I answer Tobacco must be understood under the notion of a Weed and then it holds right How Mr. Peters said he knew where His Majesty was Mr. Peters was once heard to say That he where knew his Majesty was and being desired to tell said in Bedlam sure enough for unless he be mad he will not be in England How Mr. Peters enveighed against Citizens Wives Preaching in London he exclaimed greatly against the Citizens Wives Your City Mistresses saith he must have their Lap-dogs to play with all day long for want of Children and if by chance he lets flie an uncivil blast then Out ye Foisting Cur O how he stinks Immediately after he leaps into their Lap again and to Bed perhaps they both march together and the happy Cur is laid so snug where many an Honest man would be with all his Heart How Mr. Peters jeered a Rich Man and his Fat Wife Mr. Peters being invited to Dinner to a friends house knowing him to be very wealthy and his Wife as Fat as he was Rich brake this Jest at Table before them Truly Sir said he you have the World and the Flesh but pray God that you get not the Devil in the end How Mr. Peters said he had been in Heaven Another time he told his Auditory he had been in Heaven and there were store of Round-heads but going into Hell he found that so full of Cavaliers that if a Round-head should chance to stumble thither there would be no room for him How Mr. Peters took an affront on the Exchange Mr. Peters walking at full Change time on the Royal Exchange a certain person comes to him whispering him in the ear sayes to him Mr. Peters you are a Knave or else you had never gained so much Wealth as you have Say you so said he Marry if you were not a Fool you would be a Knave too How Mr. Peters answered Oliver Cromwel Being desired by Oliver Cromwel to repair to an appointed place there to preach it suddenly fell a Raining whereupon Cromwel offered him his Coat to whom he replied I will not have it for my part I would not be in your Coat for a thousand pounds How Mr. Peters defaced a shoulder of Mutton Being in●ited to Dinner his Stomack invited him into the Kitchin to take a slice before Dinner where espying a Shoulder of Mutton began to cut a piece of that and to deface it at which saith the Maid O Sir cut not of that because it is old Say you so quoth he then I will have a piece of it to chuse for Age you know is honourable How Mr. Peters brake a Jest upon a Lady Mr. Peters by chance meeting a Lady of his acquaintance asked her how she did and how her good Husband fared at which words weeping she answered Her Husband had been in Heaven long since In Heaven quoth he it is the first time that I have heard of it and I am sorry for it with all my heart How Mr. Peters reproved the Monster Oliver Cromwel for sleeping in the Church while he was Preaching It being his turn to preach before the said Tyrant at the Chappel in White-hall much about the time that his present Majesty was marching towards Worcester He espyed that the Devil had shut the Casements of his Highness Eyes and lulled him asleep whereupon varying from his discourse in hand quoth he We have now an enemy in this our Land a potent one and it is not unknown I suppose to any here that he daily approaches nearer us but 't is no matter I preach but in vain while my Auditory sleeps I hope he will come and take you napping How Mr. Peters mistook in reaching to the top of his Pulpit Mr. Peters preaching immediately after the death of Oliver Cromwel in his Sermon brought in this expression That he knew Olive-Cromwel was in Heaven as sure as he could then touch the head of his Pulpit and reaching up his Hand to have done the same came short thereof by half a yard How Mr. Peters examined a Countrey Lad and the Jests that hapned at that 〈◊〉 All 〈…〉 appy Boy that kept his Fathers sheep in the Country 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 to ●…y a pair of Cards in his Pocket and at the same meeting with Companions played at the Game called One and Thirty at which sport he would some dayes loose a Sheep or two for which his Father corrected him in Revenge whereof the Boy would drive the Sheep home at Night over a narrow Bridge where some of them falling into the Water were drowned The old man wearied with his Sons 〈…〉 tricks had him before Mr. Peters He being a man busie and having some Authority in those parts where he lived Mr. Peters begins to reprove the Boy in these words Sirrah you are a notable Villain you play at Cards and lose your Fathers sheep at One and Thirty The Boy using 〈…〉 rence and less manners replied it was a lie A lie q 〈…〉 Peters you sawcy knave do you give me the lie No quoth the Boy but you told a lie for I never lost Sheep at One and Thirty for when my Game was One and Thirty I alwayes won Indeed said Mr. Peters thou sayest true But I have another accusation against thee which is That you drive your Fathers Sheep over a narrow Bridge where some of them are oftentimes drowned That 's a lie too quoth the Boy for those that goe over the Bridge are well enough it is onely such that fall beside which are drowned which Mr. Peters acknowledged for a truth and being well pleased with his Clownish answers gave him a short advice and then dismissed him How Mr. Peters and several Justices of the Peace sate two dayes about 〈…〉 ing small Beer 〈…〉 Justices of the Peace with whom Mr. Peters was then accompan 〈…〉 being informed with the frequent sin of Drunkenness within their Jurisdictions met at a Market Town and sate 2 dayes to refo●… it whereupon they commanded that from thenceforth ●…aller drink should be Brewed at which order a mad Tos-pot 〈…〉 made himself half drunk without fear or wit 〈…〉 and asked them if they had sat two dayes a 〈…〉 ll Beer One of them answered yes why then 〈…〉 ay sit three more to know who shall drink it for I 〈…〉 none of it