Pride to vent his Spite and maliciously to spit forth the very Fire of Hell against some yea against many that he had taken offence at which with shame and great confusion he desires to confess both to God and Man and especially to such as knew him and were sorely grieved and offended by him 1. He confesses his great pride foolishness and presumption in daring so much as to offer at a Method to Unite such different Parties with whose Wisdom Parts and Learning he had nothing to compare for which he is bowed down and asketh pardon 2. In giving the least touch glance or intimation as tho' God's Ordinance of the Holy Supper were so low and indifferent a thing as might be made use of to answer a carnal end or secular design 3. That he should render men odious to the Nation as being Enemies to the Ministry and their maintenance and the provision made by Law for the poor for this he accuseth himself of being injurious and prays for pardon 4. That he should basely reflect upon mens Callings in a way of lightness and disdain he thinks it great madness and folly and begs pardon both of God and man for it 5. That he should so boldly and presumptuously pry into the Decrees of God and so abusively set forth the consequences of mens Opinions about them in such horrid harsh and unsuitable Language charging the Authors of those Opinions with the highest strain of Murder even of God himself he is unfeignedly sorry and begs pardon And that he should render the Body of the Nonconformists weak foolish and contemptible to their Enemies he thinks were great wickedness and that he should call them a villanous Body of men he confesseth with a bleeding heart so high a strain and degree of wickedness in it that 't is like blaspheming God's Tabernacle and them that dwell therein for which he is sorry a thousand fold and begs the pardon of God and all good men That he should give occasion of stumbling to any whereby he may be guilty of their bloud at the thoughts of which he trembles and begs pardon with his whole Soul That he should speak against his Brother and slander his Mothers Son making the hearts of the Righteous sad that God would not have made sad and pain and grieve all that were acquainted with him this he confesses to be a sin of a deep dye and his heart is ready to rend asunder for it and with an agony begs pardon of God and all good men That he should bring such shame and confusion upon himself as to exclude him the comfortable society of good people and render him both afraid and ashamed to do his duty in visiting those that are under affliction for these great wickednesses and damnable villanies and any other that may be contained in that detestible and accursed Pamphlet aforesaid which for want of the sight of I cannot enumerate I confess my self a monstrous Wretch a great Transgressor an horrible Actor of wickedness a Gratifier of the wicked and worst of men a prime Enemy to many godly people a Promoter of the Devil's designs a great Provoker of God and his Son an Enemy to my self a Procurer of the ruine of my Family for which I pray that my Soul may escape the damnation of Hell Amen and Amen O God Another Paper written as a Postscript to the former by Mr. John Child's own hand a Copy whereof take as followeth HAving met with the vile and accursed Book called the Second Argument and the Author being filled with horrour and astonishing confusion at the perusal of it could not well transcribe the first Paper and put things into an orderly method therefore thought fit to write this by way of Postscript First He thanks God that he is not yet in Hell lamenting his folly wickedness and violence with Cain Baalam and Judâ—â— but has a little time to leave this Account of things in respect of the first design and progress of the ill-contrived infamous reproachful and scandalous Libel 1. That the very beginning in these words it hath been our endeavour to correct c. is devilishly proud and insolent 2d part a sight of their folly in being debarred of their Civil Rights for groundless Scrupulosities in Religion this is bold saucy and uncharitable The 2d page and part of the 3d. a silly trifling Presumption 4. The 4th page the suggesting any thing of an undervaluing nature touching the Holy Sacrament being a civil thing of a dangerous tendancy Declaring in page 9. to the greatest number of Nonconformists to hold Principles dangerously Heretical and abominably abusive of the blessed God This he confesseth not only to be a rash injurious and uncharitable but a devilish spiteful and malicious Slander to be not only hard Measure but hellish Cruelty and Injustice to stretch the consequences of mens Principles beyond the sence of their minds and then charge wickedness upon them is against Justice Mercy and all good Nature to impute such ill things to the main Body or greatest number of them that is contained in the two following pages as it is bold and desperate to report the matter so it is most horrible Injustice and malicious Envy to fix the Crime to declare them upon a wicked foundation to be no true Church to pronounce them a * One of the Passages he here â—â—â—lects upon is his printed Seâ—â—â—â—ed Argument expressed in â—â—ese words pag. 11. Villanous Body of People to be bloudy Murderers of God their Maker in the attributes of his Wisdom Holiness and Goodness to proclaim them Monsters to be giddy and foolish to want Wit and Policy is such a venomous Language Now if a sound and true Notion of God be the first and foundation-Principle of Religion and consequently of a true Church then such as have it not but the manifest and direct contrary can be no true Church because upon a wicked and false foundation Such I am sure there are among the Sectaries and if such a Villanous Body of People is the best and true Church that even in their first and main Principle thus bloudily murder their Maker in his most admirable Attributes of Wisdom Holiness and Goodness I do wonder in my mind what kind of People the World is that Hell could not exceed Being in very deed horribly wicked abominable and devilish justly deserving damnation and for which the Author doubts he shall hardly escape And page 13. to represent them Enemies to the Bishops and Clergy Underminers of the Schools and Learning and against the Law for the Maintenance of the Poor was spightful devilish and malicious and had a tendency to stir up Rage and Persecution for which a deep Repentance is required To mention mens Callings in a way of lightness and contempt to expose them to Hate and Derision was highly base devilish and full of poyson Publickly to discover Nakedness tho' matters of fact were true is against all good Nature
you think would give you relief Mr. Child If I were in Heaven it could not relieve me for there I should behold the face of a holy God holy Saints and Angels as now I behold the face of good men upon Earth with shame and confusion of face Mr. C. If God would take you into his favour that would relieve you Mr. Child His wrath is come upon me to the uttermost Mr. C. To despair reflects upon the Soveraignty of God's grace Mr. Child For those whose day of grace is not gone God will multiply to pardon but it is too late for me my day is gone Mr. C. Did not you write a Book before the second Argument Aug. 3â— 1684. Mr. Child I did Mr. C. Did not a Gentleman write some Animadversions upon it by way of Answer in a Manuscript Mr. Child He did Mr. C. Was it a sufficient Answer Mr. Child It was rationally answered Mr. C. Yet you printed this Book afterward Mr. Child I did After some time of calm reasoning Mr. Child began to be again in a great horror and spake to the effect following Mr. Child I am one of the greatest Hypocrites that ever lived upon the Earth and shall be so accounted God hath done his will and will do his will upon me The wicked shall fall into mischief and the backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways He that saith he shall have peace and walketh in the imagination of his evil heart the Lord will not spare him but then the anger of the Lord and his jealousie shall smoke against that man Oh he thunders upon me should God let out the sence of my sins on me as he will I should houl like a Dog roar like a Lyon bellow like an Ox mine inward parts would melt within me as the brass melts in the flaming furnace I shall lye lower than Judas lower than Judas I have sinned worse than Judas Mr. C. You make application of the Curses in the Book of God but not of the Promises Consider Isai 55. Psal 34.5 Mr. Child Promises are Bread for Children They lookt on him 〈◊〉 were lightned I look unto him and am darkned he knows 〈◊〉 I have committed such wickedness as never hath been done 〈◊〉 C. Do you not sometimes find an inclination to Pray 〈◊〉 Child Seldom or never onely about an hour before you 〈…〉 went about it but the end was dismal That day you were here with Mr. W. I attempted it three times but could do nothing Mr. C. Shall I pray for you Mr. Child No no 't is too late neither Men nor Angels can relieve me Mr. C. Job saith Tho' he slay me yet will I trust in him Mr. Child About two months since I thought I had comfort and relief from thence but now I cannot truâ—â—â— in him God saith he will deal in a singular manner with me here on Earth and in Hell also Afterwards quoted against himself those Expressions Heb. 10.26 For if we sin wilfully after that we have received and acknowledged that truth there remains no more sacrifice for sin 2 Pet. 2.20 21 22. For if after they have escaped from the filthiness of the world through the acknowledging of the Lord and the Saviour Jesus Christ are yet tangled again therein and overcome the latter end is worse than the beginning For it had been better for them not to have acknowledged the way of righteousness than after they have acknowledged it to turn from the holy commandment given unto them But it is come unto them according to the true proverb The dog is returned to his own vomit and the sow that was washed to the wallowing in the mire And Mr. Child said When I am faint and low I now take somewhat to refresh me but in Hell there is no refreshment not a drop of water to cool my tongue I wonder that my Head tho it do not ake doth not burst asunder it is filled with dismal Cogitations Mr. C. â—ept 13. â—684 with one Mr. R. gave Mr. Child another visit and Mr. R. put him upon saying the Lord's Prayer Mr. Child I have thought of that but I dare not say it for these Reasons 1st I cannot call God Father 2dly I cannot say Thy Will be done 3ly I cannot say Forgive me my Trespasses as I forgive them that trespass against me All that I have is curst to me I cannot give God thanks for what I eat and drink Mr. C. Have you a desire to be saved Mr. Child Yes upon my own terms and not according to God's It was then askt Mr. Child what those terms were but he would make no answer so we parted A Conference of some Friends with Mr. â—ctob 12. â—684 John Child Company THE last time I saw you you said you had a peradventure to depend upon and that was all I hope you have Mr. Child No all is gone Company Is God gone and Christ gone Mr. Child All is gone I am undone Company I hope the Lord will return again Mr. Child You cannot hope so concerning me Company Where Christ begins a good work he will perfect it Mr. Child If I had any but all is gone if ever I had any Company You would do well to use the means of Grace and frequent the Society of God's People and desire their Prayers tho' you say you have no mind to pray nor desire their Prayers yet if you go among them you know not what God may do for you Consider 2 King 7.4 Mr. Child I have been so great a sinner against God and the People of God that God will have no mercy for me Company If God bring you out of this condition it may be more to his honour and glory and to your strengthning and establishing of his People than all you have done in times past Mr. Child God will glorifie himself by me and make me an Example for the strengthning and establishing of his People but it shall end in my destruction The substance of some Conferences held between Mr. John Child and Mr. E. P. who was frequently with him in the year before he died THE first time he saw Mr. Child after he had declared his Trouble he seemed to be in a very great Agony often spreading out his Arms lamentably expressing himself several times and said Oh that I might be a good man but there is no hopes for me It is now too late I am the greatest Hypocrite in nature Mr. P. Pray you Mr. Child instance in particulars Mr. Child I have been a dreadful Hypocrite in offering Repentance when I had none Mr. E. P. I am a stranger to any Repentance you offered Mr. Child I have pretended such a thing tho' you know it not Mr. E. P. Do you intend any Repentance you have offered for the printing and publishing that Book Mr. Child Yes Mr. E. P. It seems you confess you ought to repent of the publishing of that Book Mr. Child Yes it requires that
Repentance that I shall never be Mr. P.'s Friend Do you think that God is able to pardon you Mr. Child No. Mr. P. What is your reason Mr. Child God hath sworn in his wrath that I shall never enter into his Rest Mr. P. How do you know that God hath so sworn concerning you Mr. Child Setting himself down said I confess a man should not affirm that which he hath no reason for But rose up as one discontented and gave no further Answer Mr. P. Pray you let me be more inwardly acquainted with the state of your Soul Mr. Child The wrath of God is kindled and burns within me It is impossible for you to imagine my torment and this is but an earnest penny of my eternal damnation I have guilt enough upon me to sink seventeen Kingdoms and I know the Earth would open its mouth and swallow me up alive like Corah Dathan and Abiram were it not that God hath reserved me to be a more publick Spectacle of his Anger and displeasure both to Angels and men God hath taken away my Tallent from me and the influence of the divine Spirit hath altogether left me I can neither pray nor desire others to pray for me my heart is perfectly hardened Mr. P. Could you wish that those that have an interest in God should improve it for you Mr. Child How should I when I cannot desire Jesus Christ to pray for me I am now out of hopes for the Prayers of the Godly are recorded in Heaven against me flouds of tears flowing from his Eyes Dear bought Experience hath taught me that it is not a small thing to trifle with the great Concerns of Religion and Eternity as most men account it I have made a God of this World and neglected God and his Christ and therefore these things are justly come upon me I have been a loose and carnal Professor and if I were in the place of God I should meet the same measure that God doth to me My Calamity is even at the door and all men in a little time will justifie Gods dealing with me Mr. P. Pray you explain your self in these things Mr. Child Evading further Discourse you shall have the full Account of it in print His Wife Who shall print it Mr. P. I suppose Mr. Child intends some signal Impression by Divine Vengeance Mr. Child Though what you have said is true yet it is not what I intended for I have resolved to give the World an Account of my Condition in a printed Paper Mr. P.'s Friend This is an humbling Dispensation that you are exercised under Mr. Child An humbling Dispensation do you call it I tell you it is a hardening Dispensation and I feel it to be so Mr. E. P. I hope there is mercy yet reserved for you Mr. Child I know I shall have mercy such as the damned have I do highly justifie God in his dealings with me A Friend Your justifying the dealings of God with you is a good sign Mr. Child God can open the mouths of Reprobates to justifie his proceedings Mr. P. I hope that God will appear in a way of mercy to your Soul if you sincerely and heartily apply your self to him Mr. Child The most Judicious men know that I am a damned and lost man Mr. P. Walking with him in the Fields You seem now to be more setled in your mind Mr. Child Tho' no consideration can yield me peace or comfort yet the violence of my Torments admits of some intermissions and therefore I am not so sensibly afflicted at all times if I had but such a sence of my sin as I ought to have I should burst asunder or like Judas use extremity towards my self Mr. P. What mean you by that passage blaspheming his Tabernacle in your Letter to Mr. J. Mr. Child By it I intended reproaching and scandlizing the Church Mr. P. Taking the Letter out of his pocket Do you own the Contents of this Letter Mr. Child Yes and it was written by me as with the Pen of a ready Writer I would fain believe but all power is taken away from me Mr. P. I have discoursed with Mr. M. about your Case and it is his opinion that a Recantation is your first step in order to peace in your mind and spoke it with much concern of your Soul Mr. Child Shedding many tears and expressing a passionate inquiry Is this true that he is concerned for me By which expression with the manner of it Mr. P. collected that it gave some ease to the mind of Mr. Child to have his condition entertained in 〈…〉 The substance of another Conference between Mr. John Child and Mr. H. D. Mr. E. M. Mr. F. and Mr. J. B. Mr. D. HOW is it with you Sir Mr. Child I am in great confusion and disorder in my Spirit I have sinned against so much Grace that I am without hopes of receiving mercy Company If your trouble is in respect of the Book which you have written whereby you have done so much injury to the suffering People of God the best way we can advise you to is to free your Conscience from guilt will be to make your Repentance and Recantation as publick as your sin is Jo. 7.19 Mr. Child I must confess I stand greatly indebted to the Publick but I am so confused in my mind that when I think of doing it I can do nothing There are three things which are a burden to me my sin against God which is impardonable my sin against God's People and another thing Company What is that other To which he made no Answer Company Do you think that impardonable sin you mentioned is the sin against the Holy Ghost Mr. Child I cannot tell Company Was what you did done maliciously against God Christ and the holy Spirit and God's People Mr. Child No. Company Then it may comfortably be concluded you have not sinned that sin and therefore you may take encouragement from the comfortable words of Christ viz. that all other sins and blasphemies may be forgiven you quoting many proper Scriptures Consider the instances of David Manasseh Peter Paul and the Jews who were guilty of crucifying our Saviour and imprecated the guilt of his Bloud upon their Children to whom yet our Saviour in his rich mercy commands his Disciples first to preach the Gospel Is your condition worse than theirs Company It may be your Endeavours heretofore too much to advance Free-will and the power of the Creature may be one reason why the Lord hath permitted you thus to fall Mr. Child You have hit it Sir I once thought there was a power in man but now I find it otherwise for I cannot pray the Lord hath taken away the gift of Prayer from me I have no desire after any thing that is good I cannot repent Company Christ is exalted to be a Prince and a Saviour to give repentance and remission of sins Shall we now pray for you Mr. Child Yes Then
set forth the Nonconformist setting light by Church-Ministers esteeming of them Sons of Beelzebub Merchants of Babilon or broken Armies of Magog is highly devilish full of poison and calls for great damnation to affirm that the generality of the Nonconformist-Preachers are weak shallow illiterate and inconsiderate Men is a damnable lye for they are generally sober and thinking men to call them Brethren with such blasting and poisonous breath is the Serpent and worse than a Dog Pag. 26. If the Nation should be influenced by such men as the flocking to them and leaving the other tends thereunto then down goes our Schools of Learning the famous Universities and not only so but down goes our Churches and Publick Meeting-places which are the best conveniences for solemnizing of Gods Publick Worship As I knew a mechanic Brother once that wished that all the Parish-Churches in England were of one intire body and that he was able with a Cable to draw them into the Sea he would do it thô he perished with them And this not all neither but down goes the Ministers Maintenance I might inlarge here but I spare the weak 1. They deny Learning 2. They trample Tradition 3. Reason itself this noble and renowned Soul falls under the same misfortune with its good old Friend and Neighbour Tradition Oh! what Clamours have we raised against it calling of it carnal Reason corrupted Reason blind Guide and what not and blows struck ready to break the Pulpit that they may thump it down sufficiently To bring in one person that might be mad and mislead and Enemy to Parish-Churches and desire their downfal and to lodge this at the doors of the Party It makes the Author a grand Devil That passage I might enlarge here but I spare the weak savours of contempt and hellish pride to say that they deny Learning trample upon Tradition and beat down Reason is so grand a lye that the Author can never stand under it when God comes to judge for it Pag. 28. They tolerate men uncapable of the former and very defective in the latter such whose learning never made them capable of reading with a didinct and proper pronunciation They slight undervalue and reject men of the best parts and learning in the Land as might be made appear nor only by the surly carriages they shew towards them but by shunning their company and at all times refusing to hear them To set aside more private disorders we have them that are open to the sight of the Sun viz. forty distinct Sects some say twenty at least That they tolerate Men uncapable of Tradition and defective in Reason slight and reject men of the best parts and learning in the Land and shew it by such carriages and shunning their company at all times refusing to hear them This is so notorious and foul a slander that declares the Author to be a blind and besotted Devil To number up the Sects to twenty or forty carries a secret malice in it that must be accounted for Pag. 29 30. That such do most abound and we are most certain to have them in the Ministry of the Church of England for the clearing of this the experience of many years tells us that out of the Ministry of the Church of England we have had Men fit to Preach before great and mighty Princes the high Courts of Parliament the grave and reverend Judges of the Realm the Magistrates and Courts of Aldermen in great Cities and Corporations yea their Learning and Education hath been such as hath rendred them fit to be Counsellors of State to give Advice to Princes to go Ambassadors upon grand Messages for their Countrey 's good into Foreign Parts But where have any arose out of the Mechanic Preachers of the Nonconformists And is not this for the honour of a Nation where Science shall so flourish that a sort or rank of men which commonly is below the Gentry in point of descent should by Learning and good Education become able to deliver God's Message to their Princes and Rulers and their Princes Ambassages to Foreign States and would not all this be lost if the Nation should be suffered to lose its Learning and to be immersed into dull and clownish Illiteracy There will be a freedom from a needless charge in contributing to the maintenance of weak and silly Men who carelesly leave either their civil Callings and expose their Families to ruin and decay and to depend upon others to be provided for under a pretence of being called to Preach when God knows they do not understand their A B C in Religion can hardly speak common sence and are so far from being able to convince critical Gainsayers as that they know not how to teach the Ignorant or to form one right intelligible Notion of Points fundamental nay such they are as often preach Nonsence Confusion and sometimes Blasphemy It is suggested as if the learning of the Nation and mens being made useful thereby was in danger of being lost if the Noncons should prosper That many Preachers leave their Gallings and Families under pretence of being called to preach that understand not their A B C can hardly speak common Sence that often preach Nonsence Confusion and sometimes Blasphemy that have not an habit of Knowledge nor Books nor allow themselves time to study A further Account of the sad State of Mr. John Child as it was written with his own Hand being found in his house after his death and delivered by his Wife to Mr. H.C. take as followeth Pride Folly Madness Villany and great wickedness retracted THat Satan may fill the hearts of men as to make them forget God grieve his good Spirit sin against Christ offer horrible violence to the light of Grace the sacred Law of their Maker and the rational powers of their own Souls as well as cause grief and piercing sorrow to the hearts of their dear Brethren is not only verified and confirmed by variety of bad Examples and instances both from Scripture and History but hath also appeared notorious and evident in a late unparallel'd instance of one who hath been a Professor of the Christian Religion and that after the most strictest manner of these latter times for many years viz. The Author of the Second Argument who forgetting God and the great Obligation he stood in to Him and to all Mankind especially the good and best part thereof did suffer himself so far to be acted by a diabolical influence and the ministry of Darkness as not only to desert those persons which he did believe and knew to be God's Jewels choice and good but with a hard heart and bold impudent and steeled forehead a most poysonous breath and viperous tongue did set forth to the great dishonour of God and the unspeakable grief of multitudes of good and pious Souls a prophane and scandalous Libel under pretence of perswading to Peace and Unity whereas the chiefest design of it was to advance his
till about July last About August last I gave him another Visit and then found him tho' naturally of a strong Constitution and lively Spirit so exceedingly shaken that the horror of the sight made such deep impressions as I think will at seasons recur and set it self before me afresh as long as I live His Speech was very regular which discovered his Memory to be good and that his Distemper had not seized his Head but his Heart He freely discoursed the grief of â—is Mind expressing and setting forth his Condition to be most deplorable as having no hopes of salvation I laid before him with the greatest tenderness the freeness and riches of Gods Grace chusing to argue from his own former declared Opinion against limiting of it but could fasten no word of consolation or hope upon him With some Reluctancy he granted me liberty to pray with him but said his Spirit was shut up he could not pray and while I was praying he often groaned and after I had ended told me God would make him a terrible Example to this present Age and tho' he was full of benignity yet he was also a terrible God being provoked These Expressions and the horror that appeared in his Eyes and all parts of his body drew many tears from mine Eyes and rendred the Spectacle so dreadful that I cannot say as is reported of one that visited Francis Spira that he would go a thousand miles to see another Spira but on the contrary I desire I may never see the like Spectacle again whilst I live in this world He told me he thought either in a dream or when he was awake he could not tell which that I should say to him If he died the common death of all men the Lord had not spoken by me I answered He better knew the temper of my Spirit and Principles than to conceive such a thought of me or that I should take up the words of the Prophet of God divinely inspired and apply them to him but all I could say abated nothing of the horror of his Soul that I could perceive This Comment I make upon it that if any Atheist in the world who had formerly known this man and had conversed with him in these his Agonies he would have seen sufficient to have convinced him that there is a Power besides and so much above Nature as can with a touch shake and disorder and turn into confusion the strongest constitution of body by ministring and fastning terrible things upon the Soul That when God wounds the Spirit of a man neither he himself can bear it nor can any other aid him Therefore it is a fearful thing to fall under the Wrath of the living God who is a consuming Fire and can at his pleasure awaken a stupid Conscience and revive upon it the memory and horror of such sins as seem to be past over and forgotten My Prayer is that this man being made as a Pillar of Salt may warn the present and future Ages of the danger of sinning against the present Light of their Understandings The Effect of a Conference between Mr. John Child and Mr. B. K. ABout the middle of July 1684. Mr. B. K. went to see Mr. Child not hearing the least report of any trouble he was then under and after some discourse which passed between them Mr. K. occasionably mentioned that Book called A Second Argument telling Mr. Child he was reported to be the Author thereof which he presently acknowledged and cried out against himself in a bitter manner saying What he had done therein was out of Malice and Revenge against those People and seemed to abhor himself for casting such abominable Reproaches upon them whom he said he knew deserved it not and presently desired Mr. K. to go up stairs with him which he did and then he farther signified to him his deplorable condition and what horror and anguish of Soul he lay under and that there was no mercy for him And Mr. K. being on a sudden surprized with his deep expression of horror of which he had heard nothing it did amaze him yet he endeavoured with the utmost of his ability to comfort him by shewing the greatness of Gods mercy to true penitent persons together with the infinite worth and value of Christ's Bloud telling him withal that he was glad to find he had the sence of his great Evil on his heart or words to that effect and that he hoped this breaking was in order to healing But Mr. Child said he doubted of that And all the Words and Arguments Mr. K. could use to satisfie him were in vain so that at that time it being late at night he took his leave of him Mr. K. Soon after he came to seek me at my house but then I could not stay long with him But a few days after when he sent for me I went and found him in bed rowling and tumbling up and down in a lamentable manner enough to pierce ones heart I said to him Mr. Child I thought by your deportment when you was at my house the burden was pretty well off or to that effect Mr. Child No no my burden is greater than I can bear I would fain be satisfied as touching one thing Mr. K. What is that Mr. Jo. Child Whether my sin may not be that against the Holy Ghost Mr. K. I hope and believe it is not Mr. Child But I wrote the Book out of malice Mr. K. There is a great deal of difference between doing a thing out of malice and prejudice against the Lord's People and acting out of malice against Christ himself or doing despight to the Spirit of Grace I do not doubt but that you always had holy and reverent dread and respect to the Name of God tho' you might take up a great offence against some of his People Mr. Child I have often had that Scripture brought to me Psal 50.19 20. Thou givest thy mouth to evil and with thy tongue thou forgest deceit Thou sittest and speakest against thy brother and slanderest thy mothers son And of that which follows Consider this ye that forget God lest I tear you in pieces Mr. K. But pray observe tho' you should be guilty of that great evil there mentioned yet there is ground of hope in that you are exhorted to consider I used many Arguments to perswade him to rely on the mercy of God thro' Christ mentioning that passage of the Prophet David Forgive me my sin for it is great and how wonderfully he had manifested and magnified the attribute of his mercy in pardoning great and bloudy sinners Mr. Child Breaking forth into bitter tears cried out I know that the Majesty of Heaven is a good and gracious Being yet when provoked stretching forth his hands in a frightful manner he is a terrible God Mr. K. I think it is necessary that you retract what you have written in that Book for that I think nothing short of it will be
a demonstration of the sincerity of your heart and proof of the truth of your repentance Mr. Child I have begun to write but I cannot write neither have I any one of the Books Mr. K. I will see and get you one of them and send it to you At another time I advised him to consult some Physician about his health To which he made no answer Mr. K. Shall I acquaint any persons with your condition mentioning some worthy Ministers to him whom he knew Mr. Child formerly had a great esteem for Mr. Child I should be glad to sâ—e Mr. P. Mr. K. assured him he would do his endeavour therein and accordingly did and made known his fearful state to divers others by which means Mr. J. sent him a comfortable Letter and many godly persons went to visit him Mr. K. at another Visit not long before his death perceiving the anguish of his Spirit was rather greater than ever asked him Have you not yet any more light Mr. Child No nor never shall Mr. K. Shall I and two or three more such as you shall best approve of come and spend some time in Prayer to the Lord for you To which he gave no answer tho' much prest to it Mr. Child at another time said I have touched the Apple of God's Eye I am damned Mr. Child's Wife said That she found sometimes in the night-season that the very ends of his Hair did stand in drops thro' the anguish of his Spirit continually crying out against himself for writing that Book A Letter in July 1684. from Mr. J. to Mr. Child I Am informed that your Soul is greatly afflicted in the sence of your Evil I design not to add to your grief but as I ought to pity the afflicted Our Lord will not break the bruised Reed nor quench the smoaking Flax And I have learned from him my part the duty of a true Neighbour to do what I can for cleansing and healing the Wounds you have made in your own Conscience Thereforefore I pray you consider 1. God's own Children are sometimes guilty of backsliding 2. That 't is the Will of God they should return to him from whom they have revolted 3. That he is ready to receive and heal them upon their return and I pray God you may be helpt to say the next words in sincerity of heart Behold I come unto thee for thou art the Lord my God Consider upon repentance and returning Isai 55 God will abundantly pardon such as have abundantly sinned The Lord help you to plead as David did For thy name sake pardon my iniquity for it is great Psal 2â— Consider Christ is able to save to the utmost Heb. 7. them that come unto God by him Let these few Lines be acceptable to you from him who prayeth for you and remains Your Cordial Friend J. J. Upon the receipt and reading this Letter Mr. Child was heard to say What! is J. J. whom I have so greatly envied so kind to me and presently set Pen to Paper and writ and in some few days sent a doleful Letter to the said J. J. A Copy whereof follows Mr. J. July 30. 1684. YOurs I received this day but without date the latter part of which hath attained its wish and desire for it is very acceptable unto me and can be no otherwise where the least degrees of gratitude do remain And for the Expressions of your Christian love and desires of my happiness in all respects lays a double obligation upon me to esteem your friendship What you have been informed of my Souls affliction is true and I think no small cause for it dishonour to God grieving his Spirit sinning against Christ blaspheming his Tabernacle persecuting the Saints grieving and wounding thousands dear to Jehovah stumbling the Weak shortning Life weakning Senses destroying rational Powers giving occasion to the wicked to blaspheme and the uncircumcised to rejoyce the destroying inward Peace and outward Felicity the turning Light into Darkness and the Noon-day into horrible Night the provoking God to make the Heavens Brass the Earth Iron and the Rain nothing but Powder and Dust the shutting a man out from the comforts of the Promises and bringing of him under the most dismal Threats that ever an Almighty Being gave forth marring all Comforts spoiling all Joys making the Life a Burthen and Death a Terrour the putting besides Duty and all acceptable improvements of Talents the giving the Devil advantage and bringing the Salvation into imminent danger the being possest with Doubts Fears and Tremblings night and day the sad savour of Gall and Wormwood and harsh relish of Gravel-stones the sad apprehensions of Curses Blasting and Mildew of Caterpillars Locusts and Cancer-worms the dismal sound of the mad Prophets words I shall see him but not now I shall behold him but not nigh is a sufficient ground of Soul-affliction Your tender aim and charitable design in the balmy Application you sent I have reason well and kindly to resent and wish they had been high enough to hit the mark and have answered the design Had I been a Backslider of an ordinary size they might have had an effectual Operation but to that it 's vastly different I have a Voice behind me or dire Texts that make a dreadful sound To love and to make lyes is a qualification for the Lake He shall have Judgment without mercy that shewed none To offend one little one is a sin against Christ and a condition worse than to have a Milstone about the neck with a cast into the Sea To slander the Mothers Son is near destruction by a tearing to pieces but what is prepared and justly deserved for condemning many Generations of the just branding and wounding and grieving Thousands and Ten Thousands of good and just Men by charging Consequences upon their Principles beyond the sence of their minds and rendring them not only mislead and deceived but no Church no Christians vile Monsters Infidels Robbers of God my Murderers of the worst sort and highest order great Enemies to their Native Country but the aking of my Heart stops the progress of my Hand upon the repetition of these astonishing things I thank you for your kindness I beg pardon for my own shortness and conclude these Lines very sad and hopeless John Child After the receipt of this from Mr. J. Child J. J. wrote again to him to this effect Mr. John Child Aug. 1. 1684. IN continuance of my tender Compassions because of your Soul's Afflictions and being encouraged by your kind acceptance of those few Lines I sent you before I now write again taking notice of your many doleful Expressions wherein you highly and I hope humbly aggravate your Backsliding from God wronging his Servants and toward the close that my application of God's healing backsliding Children might have hit the Mark had you been a Backslider of an ordinary size Now therefore that I may be a little helpful to your distressed Soul