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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A16760 A merrie dialogue betvvixt the taker and mistaker Breton, Nicholas, 1545?-1626? 1603 (1603) STC 3667; ESTC S104778 20,223 38

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of my loue-taking or my taking louer I began to bethink me what course I were best to take for my comfort when finding many malitious people that could not liue quietly with their neighbours spend much mony to litle purpose and so feed the Lawyers with fees that they left their purses without money I began to thinke that a litle studie in the law would gaine much good in a commonwealth Wherupon without much circumstance I got me into the formall outside of a iolly fellow and for the better countenance to my credite furnished my studie with more bookes then I had either time to reade or wit to vnderstand When hauing gotten acquaintance with some setters for clients rubbing ouer my poore French hauing Litl●ton before me and a booke of notes I know not of whose writing I would set on such a counselling countenance as if I had bin at the barre before I know the hall when what with the multitude of clients and golden fees I made such a gaine of my dissembling that nere a Lawyer of my standing but I caried it cleane from him man and matter and all In which pretie thriuing course I had not continued long but that being found by my learning vnsit to pleade for a blacke pudding I was taken for a p●tti-fogger and not so good as a poore Clarke so that my condition being found to be but a practiser with cunning to trouble the quiet of honest people for feare of being turned ouer the barre I was faine to turne my compasse to another course But to tell you during the time of my profession how honest a man I was taken among knaues and how contrarie among honest men I would be loth to haue notice taken for indeed I was rather a bench-whistler then a bencher and more meete for my good conscience to be arraigned at the barre then to pleade at a barre But as I said before lest I should be taken for that I truly was I left that course and tooke another inuention by the back I got me into a countrie where I was vnknown and there hoping that men that sought to win heauen by their good deedes would surely enrich me with their charitie I began to connterfeit a diseased creature and seeming with the ruefull countenance that I could frame for the purpose I would so moue the hearts and picke the purses of kind people that I doubted not in time to grow a wealthy begger And with this inuention I went forward till after that I had so long followed my profession that my benefactors grew wearie of their liberalitie it fell out by good or ill hap rather that I chaunced to beg of a very neat and handsome man who seemed by his mild eye to haue a heart pitifull to the distressed But he more cunning to prie into the knauery of my dissembling then to cure me of my disease if I had had any asked me of my paine and how long I had bene diseased Which when I had vntruly told him he willed me to come home to him and he would vndertake to heale me Oh how glad I seemed of his kindnesse and promised to waite vpon him with many humble thanks But fearing this my vndertaker should so ouertake me in taking me napping in my knauerie I fairely tooke my way out of the towne and neuer came within the gates after Thus was I almost ouertaken with a water before I had made my fire burne halfe kindly To be short if I should tell you all the courses that I haue taken and how I haue bene taken in euery of them I should make you thinke all your mistaking but a trisle in comparison of many a miserable taking that I haue bene in Dor. Why man so long as you neuer tooke any course so farre out of compasse but you could guesse whereabouts you were nor euer went so farre any way but you could find the way home againe let vs take hands together like good friends and take all well that hath hit well and warning by that hath falne amisse to follow such a follie any further Lor. You say well but yet ere I make a full end I will tell you how kindly I was entertained in a place that by chaunce I tooke vp for my lodging where being taken as indeed I was a man of more honestie then wit and kindnesse then wealth after good cheare and welcome the good man of the house taking me aside beganne to reade me this honest lesson My friend quoth he for that I take you for a man of that good disposition that will take any thing well that is well meant let me tell you there be many men in the world that with mistaking the right course of discretion ●unne such wild courses as bring many of them into many pitifull takings Some no sooner come to their land but they take vp their rentes afore the day so long that they are readie to make a newe taking for an old matter other take money for leases ere they knowe the value of their landes other take money for their landes ere they well knowe the Summarie of their rentes All these are commonly taken prisoners either with the heart-ach for want of money or the heade-ach for want of witte And for many of them they are taken either with the begger the theefe the cheater or the foole Some when they haue nothing to take to will take a wife to helpe forward a mischiefe or mend an ill matter but such a one may hap to take a wrong sow by the eare that may bite him by the fingers for his labor another perhaps takes vpon him to be a Phisitian or a Surgeon and with a pill and a plaister makes profession of great wonders Now he with taking vpon him much skill takes much money and though for want of knowledge or through crafty villany he is determined to make a gaine of his patient he will one day giue him ease and another day torment as he finds the nature of his purse in stead of his pulses Now is it not pitty but that such a horse-leech were taken and hanged that to make a gaine of griefe will bring any Christian into such a taking Lor. O Lord is it possible that there is any such creature in the world that by so diuelish a nature will shew himselfe such a dog Dor. Too many but giue me leaue a litle Some take vpon them to be Diuines which only make the name of God a cloake for their knauerie but those may rather be called lurch men then Church-men who is they are not troubled with much learning so they 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 more honest● then they may well away withall But these who take eleuen for tenths and yet can scarce reade any other names then are written in their Easter bookes is it not pitty but their places were taken from them and giuen to them that could and would take more carefull paines in them Lor. I take it so but
the weather had held faire and that you had met with a good prize you would not haue thought your selfe mistaken in the merie life of the mariner Dor. Indeed sometime the ioy of taking helpes the miserie of mistaking Lor. Yea but when the theefe that hath taken a purse if he be ouertaken in the high way and so take the gallowes for his Inne that ioyfull taking in the beginning brings a sorrowfull mistaking in the end Dor. Well as for that part it is none of my play and therefore I will leaue it to them that loue it Now to tell thee of my second mistaking When I had bene a litle on shore had weathered my selfe dried my clothes filled my belly and emptied my purse I now beganne to thinke how my wits should worke for my welfare and first intending to seeke intertainment of some Noble person that would honourably looke into the vertues valour and good qualities of a good mind I began to put on a resolution to aduenture any fortune and indure any discomfort that might be a hinderance to my happines And with this resolution trauelling till I was wearie almost penilesse and exceedingly hungrie I came to the view of a goodly faire gorgeously built house which stood as it were a mile from a citie neare adioyning Now in hope there to find some such person as I before spake of I began to rowze vp my selfe as one that had an assured hope at least of some good victuall I meane of a good dinner scot-free howsoeuer otherwise fortune would be my friend When ere I would approach too neare the house lest I should be seene in any vnfit manner I combed my beard gartered vp my stockings trussed euery point buttoned euery button and made my selfe readie in the best maner I could to appeare before the presence of such as I should meete withall in this gallant mansion But when I came neare vnto the house and finding the doore shut I did imagine being about the mid time of the day that the seruants were all at dinner and the lord of the house either laid downe to sleepe or gone into his closet to talke vpon some accounts with his ladie but hearing no sound of any noise nor voice within of either man or dogge I feared some ill fortune that there was some great sicknesse or daunger of death that might dampe the spirits and so cause the sorrow of the whole house but staying awhile and neither hearing any voice within nor any poore creature without at the gate that might hope of almes from the hall I feared the charitie within was so litle that my comfort without would be according but after that I had stood awhile loth to lose time I knocked at the doore where I knocked long before I had any answer and in the end was saluted at a windowe farre within by an old fellow who it should seeme to saue a groat had slept out his dinner whose speech with a wide mouth gaped out was this What lacke you My friend quoth I I pray you let me speake with you No quoth he I cannot come downe I am busie my maister is not at home and here is no bodie in the house but I and my wife and she is not well but say your errand and I will heare you My errand thought I was there euer such a kennell for such a curre doth he take me for some sorie fellow or hath he no better kind of greeting for strangers And thus while I stood musing and fretting at my fortune and this bad fellow he shut the window and I with a sigh to see how I was mistaken in this faire house turning me from it I met with a foole in a pyed coate who looking vpon me after he had ouerlaughed himselfe told me Sir you are mistaken this is a banquetting house where the gazers are onely fed with conceipts for there is not a chimney that smokes nor a doore open it is called Mock-begger ha ha ha Now when the foole went thus laughing away and left me more foole to tarie there Before I stirred my foote out of my pocket I tooke my table booke in which I writ downe my second mistaking Lor. Indeed this is too common a mistaking in many countries but it may be you might haue taken it in such a time as might haue giuen you cause to haue spoken better of it but indeed faire houses are for rich men and cottages for the poore and therefore being in that predicament it is no maruell you had no better entertainement But I pray you proceed with your trauell Dor. I will tell you melancholy walking a litle from this Mocke-begger I began to frame my selfe to the humour of a cunning begger when meeting with a graue old man who by his veluet coate his golden chaine and his rich furred gowne should seeme to be at the least some rich Burgor if not some Burga-maister of some city this well apparelled picture with a kind of life that gaue the body leaue to cary the head vpon a square paire of shouldiers I in hope to find more comfortable then the faire house maister Mocke-begger I saluted with a great reuerence requited with a proud nod I yet aduentured to bord with a few words When hoping to haue found him a man of no lesse vnderstanding spirit to iudge of the estate and conditions of men then bounty in the reliefe of the vnfortunatly distressed I fell aboord with him with these words Sir I thinke you haue heard of the hard fortune of the Buon-auenture who put into your harbor this other night hardly sauing her life with losse of all her goods and some of her peoole My selfe with much ado well weather-beaten as you may see with some few that lie sicke in the hauen got to shore and am now trauelling towards your city here before me Loth I am to enter into any base course for my comfort but if I might be beholding to your good fauour in this time of my distresse giuing me your name withall I doubt not if I liue but either by my selfe or my better friends to find a time either to requite or deserue it He as one whose heart was so shut vp in his purse that he vnderstood nothing but ware and money after a harsh humme or two gaue me this answer Was there nothing saued of her goods I pray you what was her fraught Sit quoth I it was most silkes and spices but some pearle and money more then would haue bene willingly lost Good commodities quoth he by my fay a shrewd mischance I am sory for ye I would I could do ye good but I am now in hast going about a litle businesse and therefore I cannot stand to talke with you God be with you the towne is hard before you you will be there anon But if you haue any iewels or pearle that you haue saued I will giue you mony for it if I like it Truly