Deliuer But Dick's in New-gate and hee feares shall neuer Be blest againe with that sweete word Deliuer Post gaudia luctus THree Trades-men their wiues went all to Douer To see the Monuments of Iulius Caesar From whence to Paris would they next post ouer And not disswaded be by King nor Keysar But spent two hundred pounds on idle motions That now in Ludgate liue by mens deuotions Rumpit suo pondere pordus IAne from the Iustice cannot be acquitted Whose Sonne hath deeply vpon her committed Filius ex puluere Patris MIlo grew sicke because his Dad left giuing In which consumption he had dyed out-right Had not his death at last put him in liuing By which good fortune he is dub'd a Knight Vnhappy Sonne to draw that vitall breath Who like a Pellican liu'st by his death In Zoylum ZOylus I heare you take my Rymes in snuffe Crie fie t'ls Ribaldrie or some such stuffe But Zoylus know I scorne to deale with you He writes foule stuffe that treates of your base crewe Vera filia Patris WHy striues young Gallatèa for the wall If needs you 'l know the cause qd one you shall Her Father was a Maeson and they say It makes her Ladyship leane much that way Cupiens culpare nescit DOrus disdaines these Epigrams I make Saying they sauour not of ought that 's in them Nay which is more then that hee 'll vndertake They are but stinking stuffe ere you begin them And yet before quoth he they fauour'd not See how the buzzard talkes he knowes not what Malium optanti gratum A Wanton Dame that of her Spouse repented Because he would her now and then displease Was told by one which made her much contented That he was hang'd or drown'd beyond the Seas Who dreading nought ask't what might worse ensue For this she thought was too good to be true Virescit curua Senectus CLaudus with age and sicknes long declining That had a Letcher bene in time of yore Spying a Lasse passe by him spake thus whyning To one that led him There 's a lusty Whore Commune diuersorium Meritrix IF Phoedra were but halfe so chaste as faire So kinde as coye and but so wise as wittie Shee would the ruines of her House repaire That rent and torne lye prostrate neere the Cittie Where all that trauell and are come from farre May freely enter without bolt or barre Saltim videri cupit SIgnior Fantasmo that Capricious youth Posting to London lights vpon these Rimes And tells the Stationer for simple truth They are but froth and excrements of times Who for his purpose no such Pamphet needed And but an Asse had long ere now proceeded Frustrà laues Aethiopum POntus that poore and quondam scuruie Scribe Rays'd from the rust of rude rascallitie Now proling prooues the proudest of his Tribe Yet still a Cullion will he liue and die Ex ouibus opes THat Notus should so neerely liue t was strange Who died the richest Marchant vs'd the Exchange Yet on the matter was no Marchant nether His substance came by Sheepe-skinnes altogether Domina dominatur Ancillae MAud with incessant termes reuiles her maid Hast not bene warnd qd she of this before How oft haue I this geere vppon thee laid Say Canst deny 't Art not an arrand whore Yes qd the Maid forsooth it 's partly true Else should I be more honest thought then you Admoniti foelices MAtura wearie of the Countrie life Complaines her Husband nere to London brought her That hath this twelue-month prou'd his honest wife And not consented scarce to one that sought her But bids him roundly herewith looke vnto it Be hee a Tinker next that comes shall doe it Causidici non semper beati LEntus the Lawyer prayes the Terme were ended That hath not for this fortnight got one Fee Nor ought effected as his hopes intended And yet in Commons must for custome bee But if his takings still proue such as these Let them qd Lentus packe to Hell that please Stant quae probatae GOrgonius surfet may with cordiall food Able reuiue him and restore his blood But all 's in vaine no Phisicks Art will doe it His wife 'fore any Doctor dares stand to it Funis multorum Finis LAnista many Sonnes adopted had Whome still he vs'de to title as his owne And they as duely likewise call'd him Dad But were on sudden all disperst vnknowne Till when Lanista walking Holborne spide Two of his Broode in Carts for Tyborne bound Who to their Syre with woefull Farwell cride No more may wee your Sonnes on earth be found Yea qd Lanista goes that way the game I knew not erst what of my Sonnes became Durum telum necessitas LAurence his light and late made Sommer-weede Will now this winter stand him in no steed But must be forthwith forst though nere so loath To chop with Brokers for a sute of cloath Ebria minus curiosa LVxurio to accomplish his desire Makes his Wench drunke would you the cause enquire Hee 's so deformd as not a common-Punck But would detest him if shee were not drunck 〈…〉 Charae nimis voluptas SYr Ralphe resolues to leaue this Coourt-like state And liue i' th Countrey at a lower rate Is it not reason he be close and neare That hath but bare one hundred marks a yeare Besides the money which his Knight-hood spent him Not yet repaide that so long since was lent him Vt Tempora Mores IN Times of yore was neither Bond nor Bill For each would then his word by word fulfill Till when crept in this strange Catastrophe As some for conformation wrote Per me Which now say Scriueners non est ita mos It must be Noueriut per presentes nos Nuptiae post Nummos THere was a Time when Men for loue did marrie And not for Lucre sake as now we see Which from that former Age so much doth varie As all 's for what you l giue or nought must bee So that this ancient word call'd Matrimony Is whollie made A matter now of Mony Sero vocaberis Heri LVke that in Lattine lately scorn'd to looke Would now read English might hee haue his booke Tonsores minus ditiores CVthert admires how Lawyers get so much And that his commings in should not be such Who hath beene knowne a Poler and a Shauer These fortie yeers yet nere could proue a Sauer Sublata causa tollitur c. MArcus hath all madde companie forsworne All sorts of of wine all womens vaine enticing All exercise all pleasures quite forborne All hunting hawking bowling carding dicing His Purse the maine of all hath tane infection And all that Doll can doe moues no erection Pro causa vt suprà GAlfridus takes Tobacco all in snuffe Who nere could any from his nosthrills puffe Since the Low-Countrey-warres of late consign'd him To leaue at least his Smelling-sense behind him Ebrius dissimulans BAttus though bound from drinking wine of late Can thus farre with his Oath equiuocate
shall you see his byrth and progenie His Father liu'd by gaming to defraude His Mother was an Ale-wite and a Bawde Yet doth this Outside so deceyue mens sight As oftentimes hee 's taken for a Knight But Farewell Captaine and now note this man This griping Mammon that doth all he can To bee on Earth Great Plutoes-Treasurer And when he dies in Hell an Officer This Slaue in Cash hath forty thousand pound Yet such a wretch there breaths not on the ground His Parents in their liues gaue him their state But he returnd their loues with matchlesse hate 〈…〉 That like a Pellican to doe him good He nourisht was by sucking of their blood And now possest of all they had before Vnnaturally against them shuts his Dore. Yet now this Monster liues to doe more euill Lurking here still a Ledger for the Diuell The next to him comes Prodigalitie A Townesmans Heire strowting in brauerie This Foole makes Suppers for Whores Bawds Cheators Yea lends them money but to call them Debtors Nere lookes to hate ' againe Cousnage defeat him When he wants Money at his neede they beate him No wonder for hee more deserues by halfe T is good enough for such a golden Calfe Of whom a man may trulie prophesie His ende will be diseased Beggerie Next a penurious Miser wretch comes forth That owes his bellie more then he is worth Yea faine would feede out of the Prisoners basket Wert not for feare or shame he durst not aske it Yet hath his Shoppe and Cellers stufft with Wares Which to make profite of hee onely cares Nere breakes the interest that thence redounds But is as prouident in pence as pounds Who to saue charges faine would woolward goe But that he doubts the world thereof should know Tut penny sau'de saith hee is penny got Spend they that meane to begge I like it not If labour or preuention can it let Hee l ' not in Fleete or Counter lye for Debt No no such Husbands as are worldly wise Will spend no more then nature shall suffise As not to drinke more then their braynes can carie For feare their iudgements from their wits should varie A thousand Cautions more hee might inferre To make him proue a damned Vsurer Adding still Interest to the principall Till in the ende hee hang himselfe for all But note what sober Citizen comes next That like a Preacher will expound a Text. And tell what danger comes by doing euill Speake like a Saint and doe worse then a Diuell For Golde heel ' wrong his Father cheat his Brother And yet these faults reproues hee in an other Who vnder cloake of Ciuill pollicie Presumes to couer all his villanie Pluto takes pride to see these plants so flourish Who as his Children hee desires to nourish And takes them home when they haue spent their prime Least tarrying long they should corrupt more time But wherefore rippe I vp those dregges of men That wrongs true labour and a Satyrs pen. To treat of Warres or Actions to be done Let next the Current of your Channells runne ¶ A Paradox in praise of Warre PEACE thou Corrupter of Mortalitie Mother of shame and base securitie Whos 's beggerd wombe so many Bastards brings Three parts must starue the rest like demie Kings Raigne 'ore their Brothers all maligne their byrth To haue one Father yet are Slaues on Earth Aide mee ye powers whose influence got you Fame To rippe the wombe of peace and shewe her shame Peace makes a faire showe but t is fowle within Peace like to Riuers feedes a Sea of sinne Let Warre in Forraine Lands hunt drowzie Peace And in a iust cause mans renowme increase T' is wholsome Warre dissolues the course of sinne Men best repent when dangers neere beginne To shew their Faces ' but whiles peace doth hold Our strength is weake and our Deuotion cold Safety from worldly danger makes men thinke They that stand fast on earth shall neuer sinke The Countrey-Myser that his gold preserues To feede him fatte whiles many thousand starues Is thus occasiond by this slothfull peace Which lessens vertue to make vice increase T' is searelesse Peace makes pleasure mans chiefe God We want both sight and feeling of Warres rodde That Land more happie is that Warre doth nourish Causing the world in better state to flourish For danger makes vs feare a sudden ende Feare saddes the soule because it did offend The feare of danger makes each man prepard And of his ill past life to haue regard Danger calls Conscience to a strict account Repentance makes a heauie soule to Mount T is soft securitie lulls men in sinne That onely couet but Earths ioyes to winne T is idle Peace that breedes in vs such faction As kills at home for want of Forraine action The Valiant man doth hence his Fame increase Maintaines himselfe by warres growes poore by peace Hence flowes the fountaines of detected vice Sloath Lust Deceipt and filthie Auarice Extortion Vsurie and gaines Excesse Gryping the Liuing of the Fatherlesse So they by vse or fraude their bagges may fil In show of goodnes they 'l commit all ill Cheat their owne Brother to gaine worldly drosse And make them poore by Law that such dares crosse For this all-wishing Golde is of that force As muffles Iustice and exiles Remorce Golde in these times can turne the wheele of Fate And make them best belou'd deserues most hate Golde can make peace ioyne hands of deadly Foes Gold can make warre again wound peace with blowes T' is peace that makes this Indian Golde ador'd This golden Calfe Idolatrizde abhor'd Golde in the soule breedes such an alteration As men desire it more then their saluation Some cut mens throats for Golde commit all euils Gold makes them Gods on Earth and in Hell Diuels T' is pursie Peace that makes it of such price And is the Mother of all sinne and vice Making vs prone to all securitie Which thus proceedes through times securitie Peace makes Religion faint and not regarded Vertue a Beggar Learning vnrewarded Strange new Damnations drowzie Peace beginnes And now the world well knowes the worst of sinnes Which through securitie doe so increase As endlesse plagues are matched still with Peace Plura sequerentur The faults escaped in the Printing or any other omission are to be excused by reason of the Authors absence from the Presse who thereto should haue giuen more due instructiōs Which the rather was neglected because the Booke beeing long since finished is as you see but lately published Amōgst the rest not least to be reformed in the last leafe of the Epigrams in stead of the word Ballocks read Ballackths and in steed of hauing read sauing Besides other scurrilities which should haue bene left out
blew the Candle out to breake her vow But shee performd her Oath imagine how Facilis Generosus WHo sayes Humfridus is not gentle borne Did not Crispinus beat him th' other morne And hee it gently tooke without resisting Then let him passe and leaue your further iesting Hee that for blowes hath halfe so good disgestion Must needes proue Gentleman without all question Dulee Bellum inexpertis MOunsieur Securus prowde as any hee Pray's still for Warre and braue Hostilitie But hee 's no better then a barking Dogge Or rather as a painted skipping Frogge That bragges it out with borrowed brauerie Warre is no colour for such knauerie How can he thinke to hurt his Enemie When all his Weapons are at Surgerie In Amorosum HAd I not vow'd almost to write no more Spruce Amorosus I could not forbeare To tell the world how like a common-Whore Thou spend'st each morne in trimming of thy haire Which hauing done and finisht nere so soone Thou look'st no better then a wilde Baboone Perplunias Anser SEe how young Rufus walkes in greene each day As if he nere was youthfull vntill now Ere Christmas next this greene-Goose will be gray And those high burnisht Plumes in 's Cap will bow But yet you wrong him since his purse is full To call him Goose that is so young a Gull Ad Momum MOmus you told me late I did not well Seeming as 't were my little wit to sell Why man the Aegyptians sold their babes for gaine And may not I the Infant of my braine But well I wot thou 'lt set it soone at naught And say the Childe is better fed then taught Peace Momus peace either thy good word lend it Or come and take my roome till thou canst mend it Et Puella Foemina LVcina's yeeres runnes on so smooth and euen That at sixteene shee seeemes but as eleuen Yet marke how strange the time had her beguilde Who prou'd a Mother being but a Childe Omnibus hoc Vitium AN honest Constable that made search of late And found a fellow with a wench in Bed Wish't hee himselfe had bene Associate And therefore kindely bad them both God speed Be sure qd he I le not descrie your lurking Let Nature that 's so well prouok't be working Prodit se lingua A Countrey Butcher late with Oxen passes Hard by a Dame that kept a shop of glasses Who lisping chides him with words finicall Thirra remoue your Ballocks from my Stall Whereat the Butcher smiling makes a stop But she with anger blushing leaues her shop Admonita peior PRiscill doth plainely to the world appeale Since Women that deale plaine are Baladiz'd Shee 'l with her Husband no more plainely deale Or mongst plaine dealing people be compriz'd Dum friget calescit WHo doubts but Susun when she first bore sway Had for one night a French Crown pitch pay But who so simple now knowes not the reason Shee tooke not Dyet nor the Sweate in season Asinus ex Asino GRillus outragious grewe with selfe conceit Dreaming of late hee was transformd an Asse And waking needes would to the world repeat That it for certaine truth came so to passe Who thus besotted forthwith gins to bray Attempteth eke like Bankes his Horse to daunce Runnes to the Stable there to feede on Hay Striues to Coruet Cariere Kick Wince and praunce But since that Grillus nothing so much feares As the appearance of his Asses eares Non dulce quod vtile TVrdosus train de in the Nocturnall Trade Which wee by Title of Gold-finder call With oft infusion such escapes had made As causd his Maister much displeasd withall Say thus in rage Thou a Iakes-Farmer proue A Cobler knaue would thee much more behoue To my Booke-seller THy Bookes I doubt not but will all be bought Though nere so bitter for the Title thought To putrifactious Vlcers that abide The strongest Medicines must bee applide Yet may be well inough indur'd all which Are but as Worme-wood giuen to kill the itch Nnda Veritas YOung Mistresse Sisley and her Sister Kate Scornes to be thought with tricks t'equiuocate Therfore sayes plaine if t were not true they swore Let each be censurd for an arrant Whore Soluat vtcunque Senex OLd Squinto deales with 's Wench not like a stranger Though comes perhaps but once a Weeke or so T' is knowne he keeps her still at Rack and manger Whether shee loue or loath him yea or no. He payes for all she spends and eates or drinkes Allowes her Horse and Coath to ryde at pleasure Yea what shee best for recreation thinkes That bids her vse and chuse againe at pleasure Thus doth the Dotard dull and detestable Make others doe what hee himselfe 's not able Sperare liceat Infidelibus THat Luscus hath no Lattin t' is no Lye Nor that hee writeth false Ortographye Yet passeth for a Checquer Clearke we see And hopes this Tearme to purchase many a Fee Nay more he hopes to proue an Officer If case quoth hee our Vicar doth not erre Who well remembers in his Prouerbs saith The weake in Knowledge may be strong in Faith Casta quam nomo rogauit VVHy tempt you me qd Win with words vnchast Or doe you loue to spend your breath in wast I am not Syr the Wench you take me for But scorne the motion and your words abhorre T' is knowne how well I liue without disgrace And therefore chosen haue this priuate place Where since the time we may not long inherit Your Welcome must be therefore as you merit Alas good Syr you are to mee a stranger But that 's all one when you are free from daunger I am perswaded though your yeares be young You haue a subtil and inticing toung Able to tempt a Woman goe astray Should shee not haue the grace to say you may Fye who would trust these men vpon their words The world mongst twenty scarce one true affoords But to giue each his due I must confesse You nere as yet haue wrongd me more or lesse Nay pray for beare my Maide heares all your wooings Shee knowes I am not vsde vnto such dooings You talke of matters worth as much as nought But not a word what Money you haue brought Nor euer dreame you at what charge wee liue That for our Lodgings thus much weekly giue Which such as you alas nere thinke vpon That once haue had your pleasures and are gone What will you Syr dispatch and make an ende Come you shall see I le vse you as a Frende And as befits a man of your estate Nor loue I many words expostulate Belieue Syr as you are a Gentleman I tooke no handfell since the Terme began Then in a manner thinke your selfe so spedde As purchase may my second May denhed Which though I say 't and doe not vse to flout Good Knights haue sude for oft and gone without What 's there Two shillings six pence mary musse You thinke belike wee are some common stuffe Yes in good time
reason doth contend As Light of Knowledge is put out by time And to be vertuous now is held a crime For those seuen Sciences their grounds of Arts Haue euermore possest their sacred parts Which seuen wide steppes vnto Damnation Deciph'red are in order one by one First Selfe-lou'd Pride the Idoll of the Court Is Plutoes Agent drest to make him sport And that mis-shapen Monster Drunkennesse Is his sworne Taster to the Furies messe Next horrid Murder makes his veynes to swell And is as Butcher to the King of Hell Couetousnesse is his chief'st Officer And Enuie forreine-States Interpreter Sloath is his Chamber-groome and makes the Bed To Lust his Sodomitick Ganymed Thus Pluto spends the TIME amidst those Reuills That first for pleasure were deuiz de by Diuells Who surfetting at length made drunk with myrth Casts vp those Monsters to defile the Earth That with weake Frailtie lickes those vomits vp For Plutos Nectar which must fill his Cuppe These Hellish States-men these foule-killing sinnes To follow here on Earth who so beginnes And meanes to practise as they come but neare him Well may hee know GOD but hee cannot feare him Trahit sua quemqueVoluptas HOwle on yee Satyrs whilst I sit and marke How woluish-Enuie at my Muse doth barke Backbite detract rayle slaunder and reuile With words of hatred and vnciuill stile First comes a Statesman to the Stationer And many better Bookes hee passing ouer By chaunce findes this whereon he reades a while Then bytes the lippe then frownes then giues a smile And to the Seller sayes such fiery braines Should warme the prison to reward their paines Becomes it any man of his profession Reproue vs of our manners or transgression Away goes hee Next comes my gallant Dycer His ordinarie stomacke is more nicer Who asks for new Books this the Stationer showes him Streight sweares t' is nought vnles the Poet knows him Nor will hee read a Line this Fortunes Mynion Likes for sooth nothing but his owne opinion The mending Poet takes it next in hand Who hauing oft the Verses ouer-scand ' O filching streight doth to the Stationer say Heer 's foure lines stolne from forth my last New-play And that hee 'l swere euen by the Printers Stall Although hee knowes t is false hee speakes in all Then comcs my Innes-of-Court-Man in his Gowne Cryes Mew what Haekney brought this wit to towne But soone againe my gallant Youth is gon Minding the Kitchin more then Littleton Tut what cares hee for Law shall haue inough When 's Father dyes that Cankard Miser-Chuffe Put him a Case in Ploydon then who will That being his plod you on Law-Bookes still Next comes by my Familiar yet no Spirit Who forceth me his Friendship to inherit He sees my Booke in Print and streight hee knowes it Then asketh for the Booke and the Boy showes it Then reades a while and sayes I must commend it But sure Some Frend of his for him hath pend it He cannot write a Booke in such a fashion For well I wote t' was nere his Occupation Besides by Checquer-Clarks that oft haue seene him I nere could heare of Schollership was in him T were good to poze him but to haue it knowne Or t' is no matter let it euen alone Next after him your Countrey-Farmer viewes it It may be good saith hee for those can vse it Shewe mee King Arthur Beuis or Syr Guye Those are the Bookes he onely loues to buye Well that he likes and walkes Then comes a Diuell With sober countenance and Garments ciuill A Puritane or pure one choose you whether For both as one makes selfe-same sense together Hee lookes on some and finding this the next With very sight therof his minde is vext Fye ont't saith he that any man should buye Such Bookes prophane of fained Poetrie That teacheth vice worse then your Playes on Stages And is a shame to olde and future Ages To louing Brother-hoods Communitie That are defilde by such impuritie Away retires my fained Publican And after him next comes my Seruing-man Who calls for new Bookes here 's one sayes the Boy He reads and tells him tut this is a toy And nere will please our Maides that take delight In bookes of Ladies or some valiant Knight Those wittie workes buyes hee and thence he passes Next him comes my Scholaris mongst those Asses Who scarce vouchsafes his eyes thereon to glance Or reading but a line or two by chance Must on it streight way striue to breake a iest As who shall know hee 's wiser then the rest His wit that made this well may begge by Pattln I le nere allow that good which hath no Lattin Besides how euer I disdaine to read him Vnles I knew what House or Colledge bred him Lo thus my Batchellour of little Artes Will needes presage t' is naught and so departs At length comes-by my Mungrell home-spun Clarke Whose Antique gesture I beseech you marke No sooner this my Booke in hand he seeth But rubs his elbow showes his butter teeth And sayes Is' t English then let him alone For other language tells you learnt he none But knowes by whome this Epigram was made Hee 's iust saith hee a man of mine owne Trade Then on the sudden falls his courage downe Finding a Clarke translated from a Clowne Which hauing read n'ere asks him how they sell But steales away and shames to bid Farewell Last comes my scoffing Friend of scowring wit Who thinks his iudgement boue all Arts doth sit He buyes the Booke and hastes him to the Play Where when he coms and reads Heer 's stuffe doth say Because the lookers on may hold him wise He laughs at what he likes and then will rise And takes Tobacco Then about will looke And more dislike the Play then of the Booke At length is vext hee should with charge be drawne For such slight sights to lay a Sute to pawne A Number more like Addle braines as these I could giue Physicke to for their disease But better subiects shall employ my penne Then the Low-minded muddy drosse of men That wrong our labours by their duller spirits And iudge vs by their hate not by our merits I taxe no one particular with crimes That can finde fault at my Satyricke Rimes Good men will loue mee whiles the bad I lose Hee that speakes alwayes truth is sure of Foes Sic Transit gloria Mundi MArke you loue me who 's yond marching hither Some braue Low-countrey-Captain with his feather And high-Crownd-hat see into Paules he goes To showe his Doublet and Italian Hose The whiles his Corporall walkes th' other Ile To see what simple Gulls he can beguile In hope of purchase for if such he meet They follow must his Captaine through the Street Where the poore Gulls before this Leader stand With lowly reuerence and their Hats in hand Houering an Idoll for true worth it selfe Because he keeps him braue with wrong got-pelfe But note this Gallants Genealogie Then