Vpon the Frontispice Convivas Vitulos Hircos Asinosque suesque preusae vides bruto stringere vina pede Quid mirare ivos hic aspicis Helluo fratres qui quoties coptus talis es ipse pecus Quandoquidem pressis rationem sensibus aufert AEmula Cyrcaeis Artibus Ebrietas Quam si bellipotens Brittannia tollerit Hostem Clarior hac nusquam natio gente foret Thus Interpreted CAlues Goates Swine Asses at a Banquet set To graspe Health's in their Hooff's thou seest here met Why wonder'st thou oh Drunkard to behold Thy brothers In whose ranke thou art inrowled When thou so oft as tox't at any Feast Can'st bee no better held then such a beast Since like Cyrcaean Cups Wine doth surprise Thy sences and thy reason stupifies Which Foe would Warre-like Brittaine quite expell No Nation like it could bee said to excell T.H. Philocothonista OR THE DRVNKARD Opened Dissected and Anatomized LONDON Printed by Robert Raworth and are to be sold at his house neere the White-Hart Taverne in Smithfield 1635. The Author to the Booke THere 's no faith in the forehead Drunkard goe Tell all of that condition that are so Stil'd worthily they are Helluoes and not men If they be vext say ore and ore agen They are Statues onely gasping a short breath Like dying men each houre expecting death Tubbs-bottomlesse in which what ere you fill All runs to waste the more you powre you spill Casks open to receive what so you please To glut their Concaves with health or disease To them all 's one Fowle Kennells that make stinke The pure raine they from spouts and gutters drinke And turne them into puddle Froggs not content To live in water their sole nutriment But ever croaking to find something new After the evening and the mornings dew Dry Spunges alwayes thirsty in their kind And drunke being squeez'd leave all the dregs behind They are no day-birds rather Owles and Batts These looke not on the Sun but see like Catts Best in the night To rest they lay their heads When th' early Cock calls other from their beds Though men of fashion and possest of land Yet on their owne free ground they cannot stand They live in thicke Foggs which like Etna choake By Candle-snuffes and in Tobacco-smoake Somtimes they like those heathen Idolls be Have Eares and Eyes but neither heare nor see Meere Ethnicks I l'e not call them Christians neither But the seuen grand sinnes bundled up together Thou art none such Then Booke away begon And tell the World Ebrietas quid non Tho Faeni-lignum GEORGE DONNE To his industrious Friend THere rests the height of knowledge when wee see The Praticke part linck'd with the Theorie To both these Obseruation To contend Whether this Art th' ast best obseru'd or pen'd Is questionable most thou say'st doe draw A lawlesse drinking into rules of law The Souldier Clearke and Sea-man from this part Speake all in their owne termes and drinke by Art Yet heer 's the master piece thy Art could faine To shew to drinke and drinking to abstaine OF PHILOCOTHONISTA The Reader To the Author NEPHALIOPHILVS THou hast my learned friend with happy fate Shew'n to the world A Monster at cheape rate Much more A Prodegy then all the Toyes Set out to cozen Women Fooles and Boyes At Fayres and Markets In the Gulph of drinke Where giddy vessells reele and lastly sinke The Quick-sands Whirle-pooles the Rockes the Shelues Are so describ'd that they must read Themselues Guilty of wilfull Shipwracke who ore-looke Thy paines yet then be saved by thy Booke Hang Bookes Let it goe round Follow your Leader Pardon I 'm but Interpreter to th' Reader IOHN FOORD ⧠The BOOKE to the sober and discreet Reader GEnerous Reader thou hear'st my charge and I come to present my selfe to thy viewe like a Chancery Bill pitifully complaining The reason is because I am turn'd out like a masterles man without Patron or Mecaenas to countanance mee much misery I undergoe meerely for my names-sake For is he that hath a bad name is said to be halfe hang'd what may I hope for then when mine is so abominable Notwithstanding if my condition had accorded with my Title I might have had Incouragers enough and too many but when they understood my nature and my name were directly opposites For many who were loath to have me follow them publikly in the streetes would have beene glad to have hugg'd me in their private Chambers I then was left destitute both of pitty and patronage For instance I presented my service to a great Favourite in the Court who when hee apprehended that my comming was rather to plucke up then plant the Vine and to condemne not countenance the vice he bit the lip contracted the brow and made me this answere And would'st thou barre me from drinking healths to the Prince whom I serue the Lords whom I honour and my Mistris whom I love So with a looke able to sowre the next draught before he swallowed it left me From the Court I tooke my progresse into the Countrey where hearing of a Noble house-keeper who kept liberall hospitalitie not common in these dayes I tendred my seruice to him who generously excused himselfe thus Friend would'st thou have mee now close-handed and to set a pad-locke upon my Buttery hatch If my seruants bee freely entertained in other great mens Sellers Shall I forbid their followers to drinke drunke in mine From him I went to an old Country Lawyer his next Neighbour who presently clapt his spectacles on his nose and reading my inside with my Title in a great chollar which swell'd up his ruffe as hie as his veluet cap said Hence from my doores thou imposture which art not what thou seemest were it not for such of thy name who quarrell in their cups how should I doe for clients to maintaine my estate Neere unto the Lawyer dwelt a Farmer I descended so low as to offer my selfe to him telling him my condition and qualitie he replied in a furie How then shall I pay my Land-lord were it not for Drunkards I should sow no more Barley so might the Malt-men starue and I perish Having such cold comfort in the Countrey I then provided to come up to London with the Carryer The first Inne wee came unto I open'd my selfe to mine Host a Iollie Corpulent fellow and a boone Companion who at the very motion first stamped then staring he began at length to be starke mad saying aloud Who then shall keepe my guests vp all night call in for drinke and put them to unnecessary charges how shall my Tapster live or I maintaine fire in thy Kitchin As good perswade me to cut downe my signe-post For thinkest thou that I can eate and drinke hay and water with the Horses Much adoe I had to get lodging there that night but with condition to be gone thence by the day breake in the morning At length I came to the Citie and hoping to have
beene entertain'd by one of the Sheriffes I found the Seargeants and Yeomen ready to beate their siluer Flagons about mine eares Their Sellers were open for all commers and I onely excluded and extruded for by no intreaty they would shew me to their Masters The French and Spanish Merchants that trade in Wines rejected me as one who had laid some project to undermine and blow up their trafficke I then thought good to find some reliefe at Vintners Hall but there I was more churlishly repulsed then at any time before They call'd mee Innovator and told mee I had laid a plot to begger them who had 〈◊〉 so many I went thence to the Fraternitie of the Brewers and finding them assembled I had no sooner petitioned to them but they presently open'd so many stale bottles mouthes against mee that I was afraid either to be drown'd in their frothy 〈◊〉 which powr'd upon me like a deluge or to be shot to death with their corkes which peal'd against mee like so many Pot-guns For which injury I complained to a Iustice desiring his warrant and withall besought him of entertainement But hee gave me this short answere I prethee friend how then dost thou thinke my Clerke should live I then was in dispaire but thus comforted my selfe surely one Schollar will 〈◊〉 the worke of another and so put my selfe upon a Poet who looking first stedfastly upon mee after a small pause gave mee this short answere and so left mee Ennius ipse pater num nisi potus ad Arma prosiluit Old father Ennius never durst aspire To write strong line till Bacchus lent him fire I have now no refuge but to thee oh temperate and discreete Reader under whose wings I hope at length to be shadowed if not supported For which favour I shall protest me thine in all sober sâ—…dnesse Philocothonista Anatomized The Contents of the first Tractate CHAP. I. THe excellency of Sobriety illustrated and the hâ—…rrid effects of 〈◊〉 discovered The first for Imitation The second for detestation c. CHAP. II. A Catalogue of sundry Helluoes and great quafsers amongst the Grecians Infamous for their 〈◊〉 CHAP. III. Of famous Wine-bibbers amongst the Romanes and other Natioâ—…s c. CHAP. IIII. A particular discourse of those nations most addicted to Vinosity and Drunkennesse with the monstrous effects thereof c. CHAP. V. Of sâ—…verall sorts of quaffing Cups and drinking Bowles most frequent in Greece and other Countreys CHAP. VI. A discovery of sundry other Cups of severall fashion and size CHAP. VII Of Nestors quaffing Bowle the same which hee used at the siege of Troy CHAP. VIII A discourse of severall sorts of Wines and first of them most frequent in Italy CHAP. IX The like of the Wines of Greece and elsewhere with their appellations and operations c. The Contents of the second Tractate CHAP. X. OOf our English Drunkards The titles they give one to another with the varietie of their drinking Cups and Vessells CHAP. XI What forraine Wines and sundry sorts of drinks are now frequent in this Kingdome CHAP. XII Of a new order of drinking lately come up amongst us call'd a drinking Schoole or Library The degrees taken in the Schoole The Tongues and Bookes which they studdy with the severall titles proper to the Professors of that Art CHAP. XIII Their phrases borrowed from severall Courts with places of dignity 〈◊〉 by them both Civill and Martiall CHAP. XIIII Of their Sea-seruice Their new termes for new 〈◊〉 Their Writing-Schoole c. CHAP. XV. Of certaine penall statutes enacted by drunkards vpon severall forfeitures committed in their healthing With Writs that issue upon the forfeitures c. CHAP. XVI Of sundry Termes and Titles proper to their yong Studients with Customes to be obserued and forfeits upon the breach with divers Proverbs used amongst them c. CHAP. XVII Divers Cases to be put in their healthing which have beene weightily considered and learnedly determined amongst themselues CHAP. XVIII Divers stories of such whom immoderate drinking hath made most ridiculous CHAP. XIX Of some who have liued abstemious and altogether refrained from Wine CHAP. XX. A moderation to be obserued in drinking borrowed from Antiquity CHAP. XXI Of the most horrid effects of Drunkennesse and a Christian like admonition to Sobriety and Temperance Philocothonista OR THE DRVNKARD CHAP. I. The excellency of Sobrietie Illustrated and the horrid effects of Drunkennesse discovered The first for Imitation The second for detestation c. THe first age of the World which is reckoned from Adam to Noah or the Creation unto the Deluge might be called the Temperate or Sober age for then Man-kind neither tasted the flesh of Beast nor Bird nor dranke of the Ivice or liquor of of the Grape their Meate was the fruites of Trees and the Rootes and Herbage of the Field Their Drinke the fresh and unmixed Water of the Rivers and Fountaines But after the great Cataclisme or Flood when the waters were ceased from off the face of the earth Noah was the first that planted the Vine and was made drunk with the strength thereof Some are of opinion that because in the dressing of it hee moystened the rootes with the blood of sundry beasts It still retaines that predominant quality to put Drunkards into such severall humors For wee find by common experience some in their healthing to be made wilde as Lyons apt for any mischiefe or outrage Some in their Cups dull and sortish as Asses almost voide of motion or spirit some Luxurious as Goates forgetting both Civilitie and manners Others crafty as Foxes then most subtle either in Cheates or Bargaines and so of the rest but it is an Argument on which I will not insist but passe it over as rather a fancie then a maxime onely I will make my first Corrolary to shew a reason why severall Drunkards may be properly paralleld with sundry Beasts and first of Ebrietas Asinina THe horrid vice of Drunkennesse and Intempeance which like the Cup of Cyrces turnes Men into beasts is to be avoided as an open enemy to all goodnesse and vertue Macrob. lib. sat 2. tells us that of the five Sences the unlawfull pleasures of two If immoderately used Man communicateth with the unreasonable Creature Namely these of the Touch and Tast and therefore all such are to be numbred amongst Beasts who brutishly forget the Noblenesse of their owne Nature and give themselues over to inordinate and carnall appetites Amongst which such may be called and not amisse Drunken Asses who beare themselues in their lavish and riotous cups no otherwise then the Beasts whose names they deserue as being rude Ignorant Infacious Ill-nurtered shamelesse Ill-tutered and unmanerly who neither obserue their betters nor reverence their elders regarding not Matrons nor respecting Virgins who not onely are of that impudence to utter squirrelous and absceane speeches in their hearing but in their absence to asperse their Chastities boasting what either they have or might
from them all From the French Red White Claret Graves High-countrey Gallicke from Gascoyne Rochel Orleance c. From the Spaniard all kinds of Sacks as Malligo Charnio Sherry Canary Lcatiea Palerno Frâ—…ntiniack Peeter-see-mee Vino deriba 〈◊〉 Vino dita Frontina Vino blanco Moscatell perarsarvina Calis Callon gallo paracomer c. And from other Islands sweet wines Bâ—…stard white and browne Raspis Tent Halligant Melnisee Muskadell From Germany Rhennish Backrag c. And besides these sundry Greeke wines to every of which as they but vary in taste so they giue them new adulterate names never before heard of We have moreover Wine of the Vintners owne making conjvred from the rest Ipâ—…cras white and red Boxt Alligant with Sugar and Eggs Stitch-broth brew'd with rose-water and Sugar Burn'dSacke Burn'd-Wine Muld-Wine TomlonsBalderdash c. And notwithstanding we have it in our owne dominions Metheglin from Wales and nearer hand Whey Perry Syder Beare Braggat and Ale To adde to these chiefe and multiplicity of wines before named yet there be Stills and Limbecks going swetting out Aquavitae and strong waters deriving their names from Cynamon Lemmons Balme Angelica Anniseed Stomach-water Humm c. And to fill up the number we have plenty both of Vsque-ba'he and Scotch-Ale neither can I thinke that any nation under the Sunne thirst more after variery of variety But I could wish all our deep Carowsers and health-quaffers to listen to the words and counsell of Zenophon who thus saith I would have all my friends to drinke Wine but with a limit and moderation for when it hath water'd and quickned the spirits It qualifieth cares and expells the dolourous passions of the mind it â—…th the power of Mandragora to provoke men to quieâ—… and sound sleepe and as oyle putteth life into the flame so it wakens and stirres up the dull and slothfull spirits to agility and quicknesse for mens bodies may be compared to the flowers and plants of the eâ—…th for when they are over-watered and almost drown'd with suddaine showers and tedious and intempestive Raine they droope and hang their heads as not able to hold them up through the extremitie of moysture but when they receive a gentle dewe and drinke no more from the soft melting cloudes then is sufficient they appeare much refreshed and are made more capable thereby of suddaine grouth and fertile production so wee when wee poure into our bodies deepe and lavish cups they dull the understanding darken the eyes captive the sences suffocate the breath dull the tongue making vs neither fit for speech nor motion but to drinke moderately sharpeneth the appothite helpeth digestion and prepareth the spirits to active mirth and alacritie Our Feasts banquets and meetings should be rather ordered and prepared like that of which Zenophanes Colophonius speaketh expressing himselfe in these words Iamque solum purum est manus huic pocula cunctis Puraque quae-cingit nexa corona caput c. Cleane swept the flower white hands Pots without staine And pure and fresh the Crowne that girts thy braine An unguent one Cup holds with odours sweete A second fraught is brought these a third meete Full of sweete smelling flowers in midst of which Another bowle is plac't that 's fil'd with rich And purest Frankinsence the feast to grâ—ce Whose devine smell doth sweeten all the place Fresh pleasant water is not wanting there Vpon the the reverend Table All the cheere Is Yellow cakes pure Hony and fat cheese The Altan that stands by hath the degrees With faire flowers strowed so likewise is the ground With festive songs the Courts about resound They offer first unto the Powers divine As good men ought before they taste their Wine With hearts sinceere unto the Gods they pray That nothing ill may there be done that day They doe not drinke to surfit but for thirst Ryot with them is starv'd and temperance nurst Extreames they shun the meane they doe not breake Not he that most can drinke but best can speake Hath their repute All quarrells they extrude Mong'st them the Giants warres are not renew'd Nor Centaines Feasts but in their cups they beare Hearts like the Gods so upright and sinceere The like we reade in the Excellent Poet Anacreon Nullus amicus erit qui tecum pocula siccat Dum rixas bella c. No friend of thine let such a man be held Who when he empties cups with thee is swel'd With rage to braule and fight but onely hee With whom the Muses and sweete mirth agree CHAP. XII Of a new order of drinking lately come up amongst us call'd a drinking Schoole or Library The degrees taken in the Schoole The Tongues and Bookes which they studdy with the severall titles proper to the Professors of that Art HOw farre fâ—…om these and the like our Bachinalls are may appeare by the sequell For there is now profest an eight liberal Art or Siâ—…nce call'd Ars bibendi â—… the Art of Drinking The Students or Professors thereof call à greâ—…ne Garland or painted hoope hang'd out A Colledge A signe where there is lodging mans-meate and horse-meate An Inne of Court an Hall or an Hostle where nothing is sold but Ale and Tobacco A Grammar Schoole A red or blew Lattice that they terme A free Schoole for all commers Now wee know that in all Schooles there are severall degrees to be attain'd unto therefore they in their deepe understandings and prosound Iudgements have thought it expedâ—…ent to call A fatt corpulent Fellow A master of Art A leane Drunkard A Batchelor Hee that hath a Purple face inchac't with Rubies and such other ornaments A Batchelor of Law Hee that hath a red nose A Doctor and hee that goes to schoole by sixe a clock in the morning and hath his lesson perfit by eleven him they doe hold to be a pregnant Schollar and grace him with that Title Now before they goe to study at what time of the day or night soever it is necessary to know what language If the English Tongue He drinkes Alâ—… If the Dutch  Beare If the Spanish  Sackâ—… or Canariâ—… If Italian  Bâ—…stard If the Grecian  Rennish or 〈◊〉 If Irish  Vsqueba'he If Welâ—…  〈◊〉 If Latine  Halligâ—… If Greeke  Muskadell If Hebrew  Hypocrâ—… The bookes which they studdy and whose leaves they so often turne over are for the most part three of the old translation and three of the new those of the old translation First the Tankard Secondly the Black-Iacâ—… Thiâ—…dly the Quart-Pot rib'd or Thorondell Those of the New be these First the Iugge Secondly the Beaker Thirdly the double or single Can Or Black-Pot You heare what the Bookes most in use amongst them are It followes now as a thing necessary to make knowne unto you what the professors bee or at least what Titles they have amongst them He that weepes in his cups and is Maudlen drunk studies Hydromancy He that laughes and