am apt to think thy Wife's Sister Elizabeth may be in Condition to cure these wild Inclinations All the while I was at the Holding-forth in Lombard-street she carried away my affections so far from what was said that not a Word of that precious Friend could sink into my Memory yea I must acknowledge to thee that my Desires went a wandring and Margaret was as much out of my Thoughts as if I had never known her Indeed Margaret hath told me that thee wast a very good Natur'd Man and didst very well understand the very Symptoms of friendly Inclinations therefore it may be thou knowest the better how to advise thy Friend in like Condition so that if thou thinkest it convenient I may take her home to me to lie in my Bosom Verily Friend this seems to be very agreeable to me and I am apt to think thy Sister-in-Law Elizabeth may have some well-wishings to me for to be plain with thee she permitted me all the time of the Meeting to use a Familiarity with her It is said That the Heathen Philosopher called Aristotle recommended it as the fittest time for Males to Marry at Thirty Years of Age and the Females at Fifteen and I am of the mind it may be very suitable if Friends may take a Heathens advice for though my Name was never entered on the church-Church-Book as they call it yet by computation I am about Four and thirty Years of Age and as I have been told she may be about Sixteen which suites so exactly with the advice of that Philosopher who they say was a great Midwife And I remember Margaret read much in a Book said to be hâ—â— that it might not be unsuitable if we did Join together for the Propagation of another Race of Friends If this will not be hearkned unto I am afraid I may some time or other requite thy kindness to my Margaret upon thy Abigail so that if it may be proper for thee to advise Elizabeth concerning this matter I would not have it be long before thee send me an Answer for if I be not the sooner Accommodated I shall go near to be in the State of the Wicked Thus I have thought fit to set before thee the whole of my Condition and to crave thy Assistance in this matter especially I having by Industry obtained somewhat of the outward things of the World and being sensible that Elizabeth will bring with her somewhat that may add to the fulness of the Creature and to the Desires of Thine in the Light J. N. An Answer of Friend unto the foregoing Letter Friend John THine of the Eleventh Day of this Fifth Month by the World called July came safe to my Hand and as touching and concerning what thou writest about Elizabeth it is very likely I may be free to act for thee according to thy desires Thee writest of the need thy outward Man standeth of a Meet-helper it is very probable that having been accustomed to use of a Yoke-Fellow thee mayst have some Yearnings after Creature-Refreshment If thee didst thy self reveal the matter to Elizabeth and shew her how the Case standeth it is very likely thee mayst find her Inclinable it being now about the Age of Desires with her and I doubt not but she may prove a Help-meet for thee upon both accounts being possess'd not only of Youth enough to set an Elder agog but having besides a considerable Stock of what the World calls Fortune besides what she expects from Pensylvania I shall give her such a Character of thee as shall not leave her insensible of thy Inclination and Ability as to the Affair in Question and herein thou shalt not fail of the best performances of Thy Friend as to the Light D. F. From the South-side of Moorefields this 19. day of the aforesaid fifth Month. A Dialogue between John and Elizabeth Elizabeth NAY John but thee mayst not think to take such freedom with me unless thee and I had been better Acquainted for to deal plainly with thee thy Carriage is no less boisterous than that of the loose carnal Ones amongst the Wicked Didst thou ever see any one so tumbled and tossed unless it were one of the Light-housewifes in their sinful Houses and dost thee think to serve me after that manner John. Yea but Elizabeth heark thee unto me I say were it one of the worldly Youths that should handle thee after this manner thee mightest have some cause to complain I say if one of the carnal Ones should press so upon thee but for me who am as thee knowest a Brother of the first Head and have divers times held forth at Meetings of Friends I say this looks as if thee wert not acquainted with that Freedom which we of the Light may use within and amongst one the other Alack if I should have come and made such a brisk Attempt upon thee in presence of the loose Ones of the World then thee mightest have had some Reason to Complain but how is it possible that thee canst have any Fellow-feeling of my Condition or I of thine unless we come close to the Business to know how things are Eliz. There may be something in what thee sayst for ought I know but I have not been much accustomed to things of this Nature and I did expect thou shouldst have come in a more Courtly manner John. What then it is possible thee expectest I should come to thee after the Formal and Idolatrous Manner that the Phantastical Fellows of the Times come to them they call their Ladies and their Misses which is much after the same manner that the Pagans do to their vile Abominations that is to say Cringing and Scraping and Bowing and Uncovering my Head saying a Thousand such abominable Lyes and Vntruths as Madam I am your most humble Servant Madam I am glad of the Honour to kiss your Fair Hands with abundance more of such frothy ceremonial useless nonsensical canting Balderdash which signifies no more than a Tale of a Tub when even themselves and aâ—â— the wiser sort of Men cannot but know that to squeeze the Question in a few honest well-meant words to the purpose and a good round warm Application to the Business in hand hath been ever found to be more available and successful as I said even amongst themselves For after all their Congees and Trips their Legs and their Lips and the Complement they bring which can Spell no Thing they must at last come close to the Matter or all the Fat 's in the Fire and their noisey blustering Complements vanish in Dust and Smoak But what signifies all this Bustle and Clutter amongst Friends Eliz. Nay I never was against that honest natural Freedom that allows every Creature to make use of their own Gifts and Talents with all the Freedom thee canst imagine but how I or mine came to be Entail'd to thee I do not yet see for I am apt to think there may be two words to a
Bargain and that thee oughtest not to lay any Claim to me without shewing any warrantable Pretence for it and before we go any farther I am willing to be satisfied as to this matter John. Yea and that thou quickly mayst for I would have thee to understand that I am Sound from Top to Toe and every way as well qualified as another Man. But if this be not sufficient I am Free that thee shouldst have any further satisfaction that thee shalt desire Eliz. Nay John if thee art of the mind that this be such an undeniable demonstration of thy right to use me as thee pleasest I shall be free to declare to thee that I would have thee to consider this looks in thee like Extravagant Motion which when thou shalt come to consult the Light will appear otherwise than now thou dost imagine and what will the Wicked say when they shall understand after what manner thou hast been making out thy Title John. First I would not have thee trouble thy mind at what the Discourses of such may be because it cannot in any ways affect us because we are not of them and besides all that they can say will imply no more than this That they deny that Freedom to us which themselves take when they think fit For if only the Carnal Ones should take the Liberty to Encrease and Multiply what must become of our Yea-and-Nay Tribe Must the Family of the Light be Extinct for want of Issue This indeed were the ready way that Paganism should again cover the Face of the Earth But Elizabeth since I find that thou art come to the Age of Maturity it may be needful for thee to receive thy measure of Creature-Comfort rather from the Hands of a Friend than an Alien and from one of the Light rather than from the Men of the World. Eliz. As for what thee wert speaking touching Maturity I can say little to it because as thee knowest we are denied the use of Books which are by Friends thought to be the Effects only of humane Learning and by consequence very hurtful to the Light though to be free with thee I am of Opinion they may in some Cases be very useful for it happened that once a Book called the Academy of Complements came to my Hands and really John thee canst hardly think after what manner it wrought with me for the Readings filled me with such warm and sweet Motions and such inward Inclinations as I think very suitable to my Years John. Yea Elizabeth and I would have thee consider how very sweet the Comâ—â—â—ts of Matrimony must be if those little Motions that stir up an Inclination to Love be so transporting Eliz. Yea John I will be plain with thee for I saw thy Letter to Daniel concerning me and he did in friendly manner open the matter on thy behalf but I must needs say neither one nor other drew forth my Inclinations towards thee as the Enlargement thou hast made on the Account which hath abundantly convinced me that it may be convenient for thee to hold forth in a State of Marriage for I have a good Opinion of thee in respect of natural Endowments and am free to tell thee That it is not the Thing called Fortune shall separate us for thou knowest I have enough of that to bid Friends welcome withal and since thou seemest to be a Man of good Parts and of good Condition I am willing to comply with thy Desires John. Elizabeth thou hast quite Captivated my outward Man and hast quite melted down the Light within me Eliz. Farewel John I shall be in pain untill I see thee again John. Farewel Elizabeth and whilst the Sons and Daughters of the Wicked are tied up by the Pagan Priests for better for worse for term of Life thou and I will be our own Priests according to the Primitive Invention of conjugal Cohabitation till death us do part Eliz. Fare thee well John. Farewel CHAP. VI. Containing divers Letters from Friends upon several Occasions A Letter from a Friend to an Attorney in London to Arrest one that owed him Monies Friend I Herewithal send unto thee the Copy of an Accompt as it was stated between J. W. of London and my self on the Seventh Month of the last Year as thee mayst see by the Writing it is a part of my outward Portion which I cannot well want And since the Jews our Predecessors are allowed to Implead and recover Debts due to them I know not why Friends may not be free to secure their part of the Worldly Mammon Therefore I would have thee to employ a carnal Officer called a Serjeant to seize upon his outward Tabernacle and lay him in Custody until such time that the Monies be paid down or some one or other known to be considerable in the Goods of this World put his Fist of Wickedness to a further Security so that I may not be defrauded of my outward Subsistence However I would have thee use all convenient moderation towards the Creature and for thy trouble herein thou shalt be satisfied by Thine in the Light W. R. Utopia this 17th of the 5th Month 81. Another Letter from Friend A. to the Parson of N. Wicked Priest THou Hireling thou Priest of Baal nay thou Member of the Beast that sittest in thy Steeple-house and there thou pretendest to be acted by the Infallible Spirit which thou receivedst when thy Predecessors of the Order of the Mag-py laid their wicked bloody and unclean Hands upon thy filthy Noddle when alas there is no Light no not so much as the least glimmering of Light in thee for thou art compassed and covered with thick darkness yea with Egyptian darkness which leadeth thy People into that State which Spiritually is called Sodom and Egypt Though thou takest upon thee to be their Pastor thou rather appearest to be an Impostor for thou strippest and starvest and sellest thy Flock for filthy Lucre If thou beest not a Jew how darest thee demand and sue for the Tenths that were given under the Law to the Tribe of Levi Art thee a Priest of that Tribe And is thy Separation to thy Office such as theirs was How darest thou hold Friends in filthy Prison-houses and starve their Families under a pretence that the Tenth of their Labour is thy due unless I say thou wert of the Seed of Abraham and the Tribe of Levi Thinkest thou that Six or Seven Years studying the Language of the Beast at one of the two Infamous Vniversities and having thy Crown scratch'd in an Ember-week gives thee a Title to the Care of the Souls in the Parish of N. I say unto thee Nay nay nay for all the while thou art in the Gall of Bitterness and Bond of Iniquity therefore I declare unto thee in the Power of the Light and in Trembling and great Assurance that a horrible Tempest will overtake thee even such as will blow up the Foundations of thy False Church and discover
discern no difference in the Habit of the Yea-and-Nay-Woman from the rest only that she wore no Lace nor Top-knot she had on Manteau and Petticoats of as rich Flower'd Silks as could be worn a white Gawfe Hood set on somewhat loose upon her own flaxen Hair and good Face which needed no hidings nor set-offs a black Hood tied somewhat loose upon that a very white Hand and a cheerful Air which were very advantageous Indications and of no small force to gain upon the Affections of those that Conversed with their Owner I made no particular Observation of any other person in the Company the rest being of that sort of people amongst whom I spent my daily Conversation and for that cause nothing of Novelty appeared worthy remarking amongst them Besides it was our particular business to detect what we could of Friends way and Inclinations as it is the purport of this Book to set before Friends and others too a Glass wherein they may discern their own Complexions But this digression must not hinder me from going on with my account of our Entertainment at Friend's Lodgings which now I re-assume A Barrel of Oysters and some Bottles of Old Hock were set upon the Table which soon set the Men on work who began their Forcible Entries Plundering the Fish out of their Rockie Enclosures and Epicurizing on the Spoils The Ladies were not forgot but were presented by the Men with the greenest and the fattest they could find Friend taking care to furnish his new Mistress with the choicest he could cull from amongst them Scarce had we made our Conquests over the Colchesterians but we were taken into a stately Dining-room very well gilded and wanted nothing of Furniture that might speak it Noble The Side-Tables groaned under their Load of massy Plate and rich Glasses The Cisterns were heaped with Bottles of the choicest Wine and every thing that presented spake the Oppulence of the House and the generous Temper of the Master of the Feast The Table was covered with Dishes of the principal Rarities that Season of the Year produced I am very loth to name them lest it should raise in some an Appetite or desire to be at a Yea-and-Nay Feast but this I assure you my Lord Mayor's Cook never sent Dishes to his Table more Exquisitely Ragousted garnished or set off You may be sure there wanted not a Quaking-Pudding dress'd in all his Formalities of blanched Almonds and steep'd in all the rich Sweets of the Indies And as every Dish was dress'd to the best advantage so the number no less discover'd the profuse Bounty of the Master for there were three times more Dishes than Guests So that I could not for bear thinking of the City of Mindas where the Gates were said to be bigger than the Town In the mean time Friend was over Head and Ears in business Carving to the Women of every Dish and loading his supposed Friend with so many Plates as if she had been to eat for all the rest of the people at the Table Nor was she more plied with Plates than with the sweet Invitations of Prithee eat if thee canst I would fain have thee to help thy self where thee best likest Prithee be as free as if thee wert at home for any thing that is here is freely thine with such abundance more of such sweetning Sawce that the poor Lady's stomach was cloyed with the sight of such heaps of Delicates It cost us at least two hours at Table before we were freed from the Attacks of fresh Dishes and a Banquet which concluded the Dinner Very little passed at Table only general Discourses but I must not omit that before all was taken away Friend whisper'd me that it would be improper to drink any Healths at that Table for he would not for any Consideration the Master of the House should ever understand that he had complyed with any thing of that kind This throughly convinced me that Friend seemed to be one thing to one sort of people and another to others and that there must be something of the Hypocrite lurk under that reservation Yet notwithstanding that Healthing was prohibited there was a great deal of Wine consumed at Dinner for the Glasses and those not of the smallest size were always kept in motion with Thee hast not tasted of such or such a sort of Wine yet why dost thee not call for that sort thee likest best I would have thee drink as freely as if thee wert at home And still when these Greetings came about you were sure to have a Bumper put into your hand that by that time we came to rise from the Table some of us had got red-coated Faces and looked as if we had been at a meeting of Gossips at a hot Sooping To carry off the Fumes of which Friend takes us into his Lodging-room and their treats us with a Bottle of Vsquebaugh to help the digestive faculty He there shew'd us divers pretty Rarities which he had in a little Cabinet and offered to present our She-Friend with a Gold Snuffbox which she would by no means accept of alledging the Entertainment she had received there had been such as she had no reason to take snuff at which Friend admitted for an Excuse however Friend was seized with something of a Qualm which made him turn up the Whites of his Eyes and make a stronger Impression upon She-friends Hand which he grasp'd with a more than ordinary vehemence and was about to whisper somewhat to her by the side of the Bed but had no more power to speak than if he had been at a silent Meeting Virtue forsooth And Modesty so stop't his Mouth At length a little recollecting himself he began to apprehend that this sort of Trance might have betray'd something more than was fitting at that time whereupon he endeavour'd to excuse himself That some sudden Vapour had surprized his Spirits and that he was subject sometimes to Hypocondriack Fits This pass'd well enough with some that knew nothing of the cause but the truth is he wish't all but one out of the room The young Lady feigned a great sorrow for him but hoped the indisposition would not be of continuance but that he would be in condition to receive her Thanks for that days generous Entertainment Friend was under some difficulty to make returns suitable to the Complements put upon him but whispering the Lady he told her That he must owe the Cure of the distemper he lay under to her Goodness as it had been caused by her Beauty The Lady knew not how to acquit her self of this without a Blush but returned She was not Conscious of any disease which she had that might spread its Malignity and be the occasion of a distemper on any one but for the Cause he had assigned She desired not to be numbered amongst those that were called the Killing Beauties and that she fansied those were rhetorical Flourishes that he had gathered out of a
Book call'd the Academy of Complements where it was usual to bring in the Men bleeding fainting or dying under the Wounds their Cruel Mistresses had given them as if our tender simple Sex said she carried Darts in our Eyes or some secret Venom about us that kill'd and destroy'd people at a distance For my share I cannot apprehend the meaning of such Imputations and unless you inform me shall be at a loss to understand the intent of them This Railery put Friend out of heart to pursue his design that way but fetching a deep sigh said to her I may take some convenient time to satisfie thee as to that matter and so the Discourse and Entertainment ended at that time my Friends Kinswoman having been disappointed of the designed Trick she had merrily intended to put upon him We took our leaves but Friend would by no means part with us until he had obtained a promise of my Kinsman and self to meet him at Eight that night at an appointed Tavern so having fixed upon the Number we parted very well satisfied that our next Meeting would give us some clearer Detection of Friend's Temper and Designs The hour being come we repaired to the Tavern where we found the Number at the Bar and were Conducted into the Room where Friend was just come before us having in his Company two persons that seemed to be Gentlemen one of them about Twenty years of Age the other seemed somewhat less they were both in Garbs very gentiel and handsome and it happened we were not much out in our Calculation concerning them for one of them was of one of the Inns of Court the other Lodged about Pall-mall and much inclined to the practice of Musick in which he had acquired a considerable Excellence Friend made somewhat of an Excuse for having taken Strangers into his Company having before made us an Assignation but withal told us they were Gentlemen of his acquaintance whom he met just in the Street as he was coming into the Tavern We gave him the assurance That any that had the Honour to be of his Acquaintance could not fail of being very welcome to us and that we ought to acknowledge it as an Additional favour that he did us the kindness to admit us into the acquaintance of his Friends We then took half a dozen Glasses round and Friend could not forbear putting the Younger of the two Gentlemen upon a Song particularly one above the rest which Friend said he much admired for one of the wittiest Pieces of Poetry which he had ever heard The young Gentleman in complyance with Friend's desire sung the ensuing Song which I think may be found in A. Brome's Poems SONG TVsh never tell me I 'm too young For loving or too green She stays at least sev'n Years too long That 's wedded at Fourteen Age and Discretion fit Grave Matrons whose Desires and Youths are past Love needs not nor has Wit They in whose Youthful Breasts dwells nought but Frost Can only mourn the Days and Joys they 've lost Lambs bring forth Lambs and Doves bring Doves As soon as they 're begotten Then why should Ladies linger Loves As if not ripe till Rotten 'T is envious Age perswades This tedious Heresie for Men to Wooe Stale Nymphs and Vest al Maids Whilst they in Modesty must answer No Late Love like late Repentance seldom 's true Gray hairs are fitter for the Grave Than for the Bridal Bed What pleasure can a Lover have In a Wither'd Maidenhead Dry Bones and rotten Limbs Turn Hymen's Temple to a Hospital Age all our Beauty dimns Tho' Lands may not till One and twenty fall The Law to Love prescribes no time at all Nature 's Exalted in our time And what our Grandams then Aâ— four and twenty scarce could climb We can arrive at Ten. Youth of it self doth bring us Provocatives within and we do scorn Love-Powders and Eringoes Cupid himself 's a Child and 't will be sworn Lovers like Poets are not made but born The Song ended Friend ask'd our Opinions of it we could not but acknowledge the Words to be very witty and that the Gentleman had expressed very much Art in Singing it but withal we could not but conclude within our selves that Friend was certainly in his Amorous Moods and Tenses and that the time was come that he could no longer suppress his Inclinations but it was pleasant to observe in what sort of Forth they discovered themselves for 't was not one Song nor ten that satisfied the Importunity of Friend's desires though the young Gentleman easily complyed with whatsoever he asked in that kind and not one of the Songs but was well Liquor'd or else some of them were gross enough to have risen upon the stomach of a Bawd. But the fatter they were the better they slipt down till at length Friend was for putting round not only a Glass but a Kiss in memory of his Coy Friend as he called her so that Love was now become so blind it could hardly distinguish Sexes By this it appeared to us that Friend had much of the Neopolitan in his Veins And that as it is said of Diogenes that another Philosopher saw his Pride look through the Raggs of his Garment So might it be said of Friend's Levity that it shewed it self through the formal Cover and disguise of his grave and self-denying Habit. Nor may it be improper in this place to recollect a little how in Clusters the Vanity of weak and unmortified Tempers shew themselves for Friend was not content to expose the folly of his Inclinations on the one hand but he must be discovering the pride of his Mind on the other hand being not able to contain the Ostentation of that splendid Treat which but that day he had entertain'd us withal but must divulge to the two young Gentlemen the Extravagance of his Banquet until they seemed to be Teazed with his unwelcome Repetitions So much doth an ostentatious Affectation and an uncurbed Passion divest a Man of that Esteem which a reserved and tenacious Temper still maintains Now was Friend wholly for making a Night on 't and giving the Body-natural a little relaxation we were for complying with the humour and the two young Gentlemen discovered no Inclination to refuse joining in the design More Wine was called for a piece of Sturgeon and some Anchovies which delicately helped on the Ferment So about one of the Clock in the Morning a Coach took us up at the door and we being all at Friend's disposal rumbled through the Watches until we alighted not far from K bridge where we were received into a very fine House the Rooms modishly furnished and shining with many Lights every thing appeared very gay and Friend told us the Gentlewoman for now he was able to speak that Language was a remote Kinswoman of his That she was a brisk Woman and had several pretty Neices that would be very good Company for us The Bottle of