making of a Hero In this sad and doleful posture he laments the state of this present Age in comparison with former Ages and cries out with the Poet Aetas parentum pejor avis tulit Nos nequiores mox daturos Progeniem vitiosiorem Hor. And every Age may say the same and perhaps truly yet while the Vices of Ages are not recorded and so are unknown to after-times and present Ages have personal view of themselves they judge the present always worst and out of well wishes for amendment it has been wisely designed to commend the former and rebuke the present Age and the same aetas parentum c. will be perhaps used by our Children though we have seen the horrid'st Times that have been since our Saviours It is true the present time in which we now live doth differ from the Times on this side Hen. 8. and yet can compare with all before The reason of the difference may in some sort be that after the Crown of England justified it self Imperial and the affair of Church Government Independent of either the Eastern or Western Patriarchs our Islands dividing from all claims of Foreign Jurisdiction and differing in some points of Religion became estranged from Confederacies with other Nations and so had not the opportunities of training up our Youth in Martial Activities abating what little formal Artillery was in the Netherlands which brought our Nation into some effeminacy and occasioned the losing of much of those magnanimous Improvements which used always to be welcome to English minds And this continued till the late Civil War which most influenced the conquering Rebells made up of Mechanicks of the lowest Ranks and Plebeians The ancient Gentry under Sequestration and Plunder the glory of their loyalty contenting themselves to suffer for that Cause which they could not retrive And now lately opportunities have been ministred for our Soveraign to join with the most Christian King in order to the redeeming of the of the ancient Gallantry which used to attend the Subjects of Monarchy and hath been a long time fettered and almost stifled yet may now Exert it self in the rebukes of the Treacheries of an unsaithful Anarchy And a Liberty like that of our Neighbours being for the present assumed to uncage the mighty English souls and to give them Elbow-room in order to the great popular designs now abroad in the World it may be true that some looseness perhaps may mix with that Liberty and steal insensibly on some of the narrowest and less wary Designers of popular Enterprizers Yet this if so hinders not but the present Age all circumstances considered is in fairer way for improvement in all sorts of honourable Science and heroick purposes than any Age before us some instances whereof may perhaps occurr in our particular notice of the Remarques Sir Methinks your Adviser was somewhat out while he Courts you sometimes with mighty Encomiums and acknowledges you to understand as much of true sense and good breeding as most yet he insinuates the sweet and prudent conduct of your Mother to overcome unpleasant obsequiousness and the love of childish Liberties as arguments to you not to leave the Country life So that notwithstanding what he says well of you sometimes at other times he says as ill or at least would have the World believe worse of you telling what mean Opinion your Mother has of you who would still have you under her Regiment fearing yea perplexed that you will be debauched with the Vices of the Town which is as much as to say Sir you understand as much as any one but yet it is fit your Mother should govern you still for you have not understanding enough to protect you from vicious practises Sir you are beholding to him pray thank him for nothing He and your Mother have consulted well together they are both willing you should pursue noble Enterprizes especially those of serving King and Country but it must not be at London no nor must you go thither to see if you have a King to serve nor to learn how to serve him or your Country These great Undertakings are to be accomplished under the Conduct and Regiment of your Mother and to be taught you by inspiration and so upstart Mushrom Hero in one Moon-light night in the Country But Sir we had best have a care we mistake not honest Country meaning the Man says A life partly of Conversation and partly of leisure and retiredness is most suitable to the affairs and interests of men and well is it said too i. e. Reading Meditation and Converse conduce much to make you a Hero and to serve King and Country Well said in good sooth have at Arts and Arms now Ah but its Country Arts and Country Arms he means Pish then 't is no more but this you are to send to London I say send for come not you here on pain and peril that will fall thereon therefore once again send for the Statute Book and the two famous Books of Daltons and Shepherds Justice of Peace Office especially that of Dalton for there you will have all presidents of Warrants Mittimus's and the whole Artillery of a learned Justice there you will be furnished with so much skill as will make you be counted a Hero Judge to punish Offenders against the Crown and Dignity of our Soveraign Lord the King against the dignity of your Office and Heroship who shall wickedly neglect to say Worshipful at every word and to do what you command right or wrong by which means abating the Regiment and Conduct of your more learned Mother you shall be absolute Commander of all men and things that fall under the swing of the learned part of you You will also strike such awe into the minds of Tenants Neighbours and Dependants that they shall admire to hear you over a Boull of Nogg to tell News like a little News-monger to arraign trie judge and condemn the Consultations Actions and Designs of King Council Parliament and Ministers of State and by the help of your Advisers Letter to quarrel at all things you are to be ignorant of and make them wring their hands and wonder you are not made a Privy Counsellor they not dreaming your Mother and her Secretary will not let you go to London And to conclude this Discourse of Arts for we are to suppose all Arts to be in a Country Justice be sure you get a good and well-grounded Clerk for that makes the Justice and Justice the Hero Next Sir you are to serve your King and Country in way of Arms which is the latter part of your Hero-ship In order to that you are in Country leisure and retiredness to read that excellent and profound Piece called The Soldiers Grammar which Book in short time with your Mothers Annotations will make you as to Arms fit to be in your Advisers opinion a Deputy-Lieutenant then you are to buy a great red Scarff with great gold Fringe get
Goods 5000 l. in toto 10000 l. she being afrighted at the Disease which had taken away her Husband removed into Country for a time and happened into this Mr. Richman's Town and growing acquainted with this Family by discourse was discovered that her late Husbands Mother was of the Family of the Scrapes and so a kind of affinity was started between her and them and improved so far as she was desired to reside during her stay in the Country at that House where she had not long been ere the Widow imparted the value of her Estate which took presently with the old Woman who could not rest till she had engaged a Treaty between her and her Son Ezekiel for a Marriage and though the Widow had nothing to commend her to his acceptance but her wealth yet that Argument improved by an indulgent Mothers descants prevailed for a Match which was soon dispatched and the joy that the hopes of this round sum of mony brought occasioned open House-keeping for a moneth and publick Entertainment for all comers which cost at least 1000 l. soon after which Jollities ended the Bride and Bridegroom went to London with purpose to remove the Treasure into the Country but when they came there consulting some wiser than the former Apprisers it was found that the Jewels Plate and other Goods were indeed of the value of 5000 l. but they were pawned but for 1500 l. and the sums mentioned in the Bonds were indeed of the value but by the conditions of those Bonds it appeared that the Bonds were given only for further security for the same Moneys lent on the Goods so she was worth in truth but 1500 l. whereof 1000 l. was spent on the Weddingsolemnities This angered good Ezekiel to the heart and his old Mother too who cursed London Widows and advised the younger Sons to stay in the Country still lest they also should be cheated not considering this Trick was in the Country and lay at their own door through want of Wit and Consideration which the Wit of the Town would have obviated The new married man wanting the Whetstones of his Love Beauty and Money neglected his Wife even to hatred returned to the ways his Brother George had taught him and followed that course till he and his Brothers had almost emptied the Country of Maids His Wife not being in his debt received as good Visits as he made and between them both the Government of the House seemed dissolved a mixt concourse of Visitants constantly filling the Beds emptying the Bottles for they were used also to drive away discontent the Buttery and Treasury so that the name of Rich-man began to seem improper for person and place The younger Sons following the way of their Education notwithstanding grave Supervisors advice became so clear-sighted as to see to the furthest end of their Portions without the help of a Teloscope the Annuities being deeply dipped to Mr. Getmore one of the Supervisors by the procurement of his Partner the trusty Parson on whom and at whose House much of the money was spent and the Portions of money in like manner was three parts spent Whereupon they considered that they were of good extraction having pure and uncommon bloud leaping in their veins that they had been educated in the way of Country Hero's that universal expectation claimed from them things generous and heroick and how to carry on noble Enterprises and to arrive at great and honourable ends with a remnant of Estate in the Desarts of the World for so they now call the Country by the trifling vanities of sports so now they called the Country divertisements must be thought on and without much ado labour or study it was concluded and so soon as one would think it was dictate of Nature to London they must go and try their fortunes and to London they went and not having fortune enough or good enough to purchase the friendship of Court nor Learning enough to join with the Societies of Learning nor money enough left to fall into Commerce nor courage enough to take up Arms they furnish themselves with Peruches and Pantaloons and find out the Wastcoateers formerly sent from the Country for the better shaping of their Bodies who had improved themselves by this time into the exactness of some eminent Vices especially of that which they brought from the Mannor of Richman and now were become able to instruct their Country Gallants and to bring them acquainted with others such as your grave Adviser Sir has by long experience known and has elaborately told you of and so we leave them together and there is an end of the Story Sir As soon as this Story was told me I was thinking that if it were duly considered in all its branches and well weighed it would be an answer to your Advisers Letter without more ado but it coming but now to my hands I here insert it Sir As for a Story where the Sons of Country Gentlemen have by good and proper Education become true Hero's Patriots of their Country and possessing eminent ranks of Authority and Dignity I take it needless referring you to Beloved History either in City or Country from which may be collected Volumes of such Hero's exceeding Fox's Book of Martyrs and truer too And though the obliquities of the late Times have discouraged Learning to a great degree and laid shackles on Gentlemens Parts and Estates yet since our Soveraigns return it 's obvious that greater improvements have been made by the Scyons of Nobility and Gentry in all Arts in 12 Years than in an hundred before But Sir to the Letter again and let us see more of the Town faults and a great one rises next and that is a Language divers from the times of our Ancestors is in London used Language said he Marry till now I took London to speak the best Language of all England and England to speak the best Language except the universal one but I am told otherwise now this Age this Nation is corrupt in its Language A bold charge is it on the wisest Age and wisest Nation and where is the fault in using French words vile French even vile French words unworthy of the manly Language of English to use French words Sure this Man Sir has been stung with a Bee and now loves no Honey He has perhaps suffered under some distemper called French and so will starve rather than eat Fricacie or Ragoo But a serious word Sir Our Language of England is that of those Germans called Saxons who possessed themselves thereof next preceding the Normans and that Language was mostly Monosyllables of which Radixes have since been made Compounds and though it has been thought that from such various Roots might arise Compound-words answerable and so no need of what is Foreign yet in that Age and that People Knowledge was stinted and few words would express few things and so no need was there of enlarging the Lingua or opportunity for
it Historians tell us that when the Normans expulsed the English among the Clerks in Holy Orders if one had learned the Grammar every one wondered at him as a mighty Scholar After that time Learning began to encrease and by the Normans came the French Tongue hither and though they could not introduce their Laws yet their Language they did and put our Laws into it by reading of which and conversing with them grew a mixture of Tongues with the French which has been improved by a commerce more familiar with that Nation than with any other And it 's true that in this last Age wherein our Nation has out done all others in the super-structures of true Science several terms of Art have mixed with our ordinary discourses which by reason of their easiness to intelligence can hardly be avoided And it 's remarkable that what words soever our Nation has adopted they are most significant of the things they express and so occasion a succinct and comprehensive stile in our Conversation and Writing And as for the old Dotage of keeping to our first Language which was Teutonick I would ask your Adviser Sir to give me one instance of any People that does it Let him look into Verstegan for the Monosyllables and acquaint with the High and Low Dutch Normay Sweden and Denmark and see if any of them retain the old Teutonick and how much and how they differ from it and among themselves and he shall soon find that every one of them as well as we do differ from the serious manly Language of our common Ancestors as they are severally scituated in the several parts of their respective Nations so do we in England An instance whereof you may have in Verstegan who thereby answers himself in the whimsie your Adviser borrowed from him As one woul say at London I would eat more Cheese if I had it The Northern man says Ay sud eat mare Cheese gin ay hadet And the Western man says Chud eat more Cheese an chad it Be you Judge now Sir who speaks best English London or Country And I challenge all his Country Hero 's who were never educated in London to caress you with an Harangue like that of his Remarques which as the matter is Romantick so the stile Rhodomontade sufficiently laced with Foreign words rude French and all does amply turn upon himself and silence the impertinent complaint And so much shall suffice to have been delivered concerning the old serious manly English Language Only I must not forget that after his invectives against French he kindly says That Language is highly necessary to all that frequent Courts and that have to do in the important affairs of the World This startled me when he says French Tongue is necessary to Courtiers and those concerned in important affairs and yet not to you whom he designed and advised to be a Hero It made me recollect my self and consider what a Hero is I find the word is not Teutonick no more than Idaea Chimera Conduct Regiment with many others which are for this time deigned worthy to be the embroidery of his Lines and the Livery of his Pages But I found out what usually English men understand by this Remarqueable word Hero and it happens to be the very same that the Greek word imports viz. one who has attained to great Renown by great Parts Knowledge and generous Archievements in the ways of Arts Arms or other the important affairs of the World to such a one as this the French Tongue it seems is highly necessary Then Sir while he inveighs against the French Tongue to you judge you what manner of Hero he would have you to be you are to be a Hero but the necessariums to it you must avoid Mahomet told his Prosylites that he should be like a great Ram with a great Fleece and they should be like little Fleas shrouding themselves in his Fleece and then he would give a jump into Paradice and carry them with him Just so your Adviser Sir is to jump you into a Hero You must abhor the French Tongue not have to do in the important affairs of the World nor frequent Courts nor so much as see wicked London but you must be a Hero ay that you must you must live in Ignorance and become like an useless Country Vermin and King Oberon at a lucky chance shall ipso facto Metamorphose you into a Hero A chance indeed like that the Pro-Consul spake of to St. Austin in the Discourse of Judicial Astrology viz. the force of chance diffused about in the nature of things brings to pass as foretold c. Sir I must tell you it must be a chance and a very lucky one too that will make you a Hero without means or indeavours A Privy Counsellor Lord Lieutenant a General are not Hero's as such but as they are qualified to be such Advance we two or three steps further and there we shall meet your Remarquer Sir at the turn of a Corner ready to scare you as he scares Children in the Country and cries don't go to London for Tom Poker will get you and put you into his Pocket You must write a Play Sir his design being to keep you in ignorance and fright you with Learning he might rather have said if you go to London you must plead Causes Anatomize humane Bodies pass Fiery Trials with Prince Robert and Mr. Boil in the Laboratories c. this had been a noise able to scare a good chubbed Country Fellow or like Tays the Moving Clod that scared the Tuscan Ploughmen But Sir notwithstanding this Country Chancellors Decretal Musts I do assure you on my credit you are no more obliged to write a Flay than your Marks-man was to write his Letter either of which may be accounted a bold undertaking the success being so hazardous And since we are speaking of writing Plays and Books I must observe to you that about the time your Letter was published there was a Comedy acted at London in which to see how good Wits may jump was all the wit of the Letter and a thousand times more There was a Country Hero among a company of poor ignorant brutish Boors that word is Teutonick drinking sotting telling news and particularly concerning that great City called Ditto in the Gazette and the miserable estate of Poland rayling at London charging all the Blunderbusses and Granadoes of his Office in defiance of all that should laugh at an Ignorant-Justice-Captain of 2000 l. per annum and hoped to be Deputy-Lieutenant and in short one who by the help of a fierce Dapple-grey Mare and an obsequious Setting Dog judged himself a greater Hero than London ever saw This Hero's name Sir was Hugh Clodpate Esq of an Ancient Family known in all the Counties of England the Plays name was Epsom Wells I advise you Sir to send up to London for a Copy of it for 't is not yet printed lest it should spoil the sale of
in fair to make as many Rogues as he did Whores These Daughters of this mighty Family being thus by the aid of great Portions provided for the good old Gentleman prides himself in the Companies of his goodly number of Sons fancying every one to be a seventh a Conjurer a Fortune-teller Magician Cunning-man or at least no Fool. He kept a House like the Old Courtier of the Queens or the Queens old Courtier He had all his sons set about his Table with their Hats on their heads as they did at all times in Fathers presence though two of them were under 20. years of Age. These Sons could scarce read or write their names well And that hapned thus when the eldest was very young and intended for School a Puritan came to the good old Father and told him of a pious Book called the Confessions of good Austin which he had often read and found that one of the first great offences that Holy man repented of after his Conversion was robbing of an Orchard which he was enticed to by the wicked solicitations of his Fellow-Scholars at a Grammar School therefore worthy Sir quoth he send not your Son to School for he will learn to rob Orchards and then be forced to do Penance in old Age and that before the uncircumcised Formalist of his Parish according to the Idolatrous Rubrick At which discourse there hapned to be present a Paedagogue who took up the Cudgels in defence of School-Education using many Arguments to that purpose and for answer to the Orchard business told of one of great Natural Wit who bewailed his not going to a Free-School for many reasons in particular for that he missed the opportunities of Robbing Orchards whereby he might have learned the Arts of Scaling of Walls besieging of Towns Approaches Retreats c. at which the old Gentleman stopped him saying Hold Sir I like not you nor your Man of Natural Wit neither who seems to me to be a man void of Grace especially in comparison of this Godly man whose directions I will follow who hath informed me from the same Austin that Grace is enough without the prophane Learning of the Heathens And from that time he resolved against Learning and provided for his Sons according to the Country Education a Huntsman with a Kennel of Blood-Hounds Fox-hounds Beagles and Tarriers A Falkoner with Sparrow-hawks Lanners Tassels and Goss-hawks A Warrener with Tumblers and Lurkers besides other implements of his Art Another Servant who attended the Grey-hounds and Setting-Dogs an Archer for the Long-Bow Cross-Bow and had the skill of Gun and Stalking-Horse too and all his Materials and Instrnments of Game were kept always at hand A Fisherman used his time well about the Ponds Dams and Meers in furnishing the Table with most sorts of Fresh-water Fish and made it pleasant in the taking them with Angles Trolls Snares Nets and other Engines There was also a Billiard-Table Shovel-board Chess-board Cards Dice Nine-Pins and they that would might also play at Nine holes or Span Counter There was designed a Tennis Court to be built but one like your Adviser Sir came and told that it was used at London and that naughty people used to come thither and to go from thence to naughty places which spoiled the project So strange a thing is a prejudic'd mind as if a Tennis Court were not less noxious then Cards and Dice yet such is the foolish admiration of persons That Errors are espoused for the Authors sake and some such weighty reason pulled down the Tennis Court at New-market But to our business again Sir i. e. to the Story of the seven Sons who you see were provided for to make Country Hero's far beyond what your Adviser has mentioned to you Sir These young Gentlemen every day made use of some of these divertisements and doubtless became good proficients therein only George one of the youngest often staid at home pretending to break his Fast with Curds and Cream Fresh Butter and New brown Bread Butter-milk or Whey and doing often so the eldest Brother Ezekiel fansied the Dairy afforded something more pleasant than what he knew and so watched George on a time and through a Creviss perceived that George had found out a Recreation not provided for by the Old man and that was to help Tydy the Dairy Maid to Churn which Churning was done after such a manner as made Ezekiels Teeth to water as if Buttermilk or Whey had a Spring in his mouth All this Ezekiel kept to himself and when George was a Hunting then he helped to Churn with Tydy which priviledge he obtained to keep Counsel and on the same score every one of the Brothers had their turns and I think she was well helped to Churn insomuch that by over-labouring or by one thing or another the poor Wench grew sick a mornings and you might see her red Stockings half way up her legs which made her ask leave to go home to her Friends and being granted was conveyed to London at the charge of the Eldest Brother only for he stood on his reputation as heir of the Family and in hopes of preferment courted secrefie but George and the rest as they had no more then younger Brothers expectancies so expected no disparagement by a younger Brothers Frolick And from that time 't is strange such a thing should happen in Innocent Country there was not a Maid-servant could stay in that Family above six Moneths what became of them I know not but it is said that a great many Women Folk went from that house to London Well Sir By this time Age gave the old Gentleman an intimation of removing to t'other World so he sent for the Parson whose name was Lionel Drinkwell who made his Will by which his wife was made Executrix and all his Mannors Lands Tenements and Hereditaments was bequeathed to Ezekiel his eldest Son he gave to his second third and fourth Son 100 l per annum a piece during life and to the other three younger Sons he gave 1000 Marks a piece and made the said Parson and one Mr. Getmore a Neighbour Supervisors desiring them in all love to be aiding and assisting to his said Sons with friendly advice and so he died was buried and forgotten After whose death the heir grew House-keeper the old Gentlewoman doing all the Offices of a Wife excepting what Tydy used to do The Brothers also paying for their Boards continued their former Courses went to Bed early slept quietly by the help of Idaea's had glorious dreams rose before the Sun sported on the beautiful Foot-cloths of Nature and twenty things more besides wasting their Portions Soon after it happened one Thomas Lender of London a Pawn-Broker died of the Plague intestate leaving a Widow of about 35 years of Age after whose death she caused her husbands Goods to be Inventoried and Appraised in which Inventory was mentioned in Bonds 5000 l. in the Shop in Jewels Plate Watches Books and other