Selected quad for the lemma: book_n
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A67523
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Step to Stir-Bitch-Fair with remarks upon the University of Cambridge.
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Ward, Edward, 1667-1731.
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1700
(1700)
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Wing W757; ESTC R13160
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17,022
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18
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or undergo the Ridicule of the whole House for the Ill-natur'd breach of an Old Custom This Ceremony being ended and the usual dues Collected and brought in in such sundry sorts of Liquor as might please every Bodies Pallat spur'd on by our Appetites we began to enquire what sorts of Provisions they either had in the House or intended for our Dinners To which the Master answer'd The only thing that the Town was fam'd for was Eels in the ordering of which they had so compleat a Knowledge they would undertake to dress 'em as many several ways as ever a French Cook did a Feast of Frogs or a Dutch Skipper a Dish of Pickl'd Herrings And it happening so Fortunately that every one of our Company being great Lovers of this Fish we readily united in one Opinion and order'd that our Dinner might be all Eeles desiring the Cook might serve us up with as great variety of this Slippery Food as her utmost Skill in the useful Art of Cookery would give her Leave without further directing her to any particularities but left her wholly to her own Freedom and Discretion in the Business which indeed she manag'd so well to her Masters Interest and to the Companies Satisfaction that I believe never was a a parcel of Mud-worms serv'd up to the Table of an Epicure and render'd more pleasing to the Pallat with such variety of Sawces or made fit for the Stomach by such sundry Stratagems as were us'd in the industrious Coquination of these our slimy Eatables Besides the ordinary ways of Boyling Frying Baking Stewing Roasting and Toasting we had 'em Coddl'd Parboil'd Sows'd Dows'd and the Devil and all When we had Plentifully Feasted on our Fish like so many Cormorants and wound up our Dinner as decency requires with a short Thankigiving we call'd for a Bill to inform us what we had to pay accordingly one was brought wherein more particulars were inserted than ever were found in a Taylors debt-Debt-Book or a Boatswain's Catalogue of Materials for the new rigging of a Vessel which sum'd up came as exactly to half a Crown a Head and Twelve-pence for the Cook as if the Master himself had been well Skil'd in Arithmetical Proportion and knew well upon Expedition how to prevent Fractions in a reckoninig tho' we told 'em we thought our selves a little unreasonably dealt with yet they so very much insisted on the extraordinary Trouble we had put 'em to that they Talkatively prevented any manner of Abatements only the Master very Politickly presented us with a Dram a piece of right French Brandy to wash away the grumbling in our Gizards that we might not report to his Prejudice the hardness of our Usage We all now had recourse again to our Countrey Vehicle where we restated our selves in our former Misery and underwent the Pennance of being cramm'd as close as Potted Pdigeons till we came to Puckeridge where the Coach-man only call'd to wash the Dust out of his Mouth and supply his Salival Ducts with a little Moisture which might well become Drowthy with his talking to his Horses upon whom he vented as much Spleen Passion and Flagellation as ever did peevish Pedagogue upon a dozen of Block-heads who had neither Wit nor Memory All that was remarkable here was an Ax which they show'd us kept as sharp and as bright as if it were whetted as often as their Knives or scowerd as often as their Handirons this antiquated Weapon as they tell you had the Honour of cutting off some great Mans Head but who or upon what Account they are at a great Loss to inform you From thence we jog'd on till we came to our Evenings Stage a Town call'd Barley where we put into an Inn distinguished by the Name of Old Pharaoh which Title it acquir'd from a Stout Elevating Malt-Liquor under the same Name for which it has long been famous This Inn is kept not only by a Female but according to her own report and the Belief of her Neighbours a Maid too and of such a Herculean Proportion that had she been in the same Jeopardy with the Virgin of Old she would have been able to have made her Party good with the Dragon and if the English Champion had lent his assistance to the weakest side which I am sure must have been the Monster I am certain she 'd have prov'd strong enough to have beat St. George into the Bargain Here our Entertainment was very good tho' not so cheap as to be attended with no Fault here we heartily enjoy'd the true English Pleasure of Substantial Eating and supply'd that Emptiness the slippery Eels had left in our Stomachs with well-fed Mutton and fat Fowles which we wash'd down with old Pharaoh till we made our selves as merry as Bumpkins at a Harvest home till the Women like true Gossips over their Liquor began to let their Tongues run as fast as the quickest Division of Tollets Ground quarrelling about the uneasiness of one anothers places in the Coach as if their Bumfiddles had been gaul'd by the hardness of their Seats whilst indeed I heartily wish'd their Tongues in the same Condition Our bouncing Maiden-Landlady to show a peculiar respect to us the Company of the Coach which I suppose she esteem'd as generally her most profitable Guests oblig'd us with her Company not only to Supper at which according to old custom she compos'd her Dutch-built Stern into a sedential Posture at the Upper end of the Table but also honour'd us after with a great deal of her Blunt Conversation which was very pleasant and consequently acceptable entertaining us with a great many merry Stories one of which I thought more particularly diverting and being manag'd by her self and Transacted in her own House I think it worth the Reciting About the middle of this last Summer a couple of jolly Country Parsons were coming up to Town mounted upon Roan and Sorrel with their Wives behind 'em and chanc'd in the close of the Evening to put into old Pharaoh and Inn there for the Night the House happening to be full of Travellers insomuch that the best Rooms were before taken up had but one Chamber to spare wherein there were two Beds which the Parsons rather than to go further and fare worse consented to accept of Ordering a couple of Fowls to be laid down to the Fire it being difficult for a Priest to rest quietly that Night he goes to Bed without Roastmeat for his Supper says our Maiden Landlady they all being hot with riding and half choak'd with the Dust upon the road call'd plentifully for old Pharaoh which their Wives seem'd highly to approve on complaining greatly they had met with but indifferent Liquor thro'-out all their Journey till they had happily arriv'd at Barly upon which says she one of the Parsons Punn'd upon the Name of the Town after the following manner Good Barly makes good Mault Good Mault makes this good Liquor Which has no other Fault Vnless it 's
Milleners Toy-men and Cabinet-makers and is chiefly frequented by Powder'd Beau's Bushy Wig'd Blockeads Country Belfa's and Beautiful Bury Ladies the latter of which being as commendable for their good Nature as remarkable for their Prettiness are attended with such Crowds of Dutchified Fops with their Hats under their Arms and their Hands in their Pockets Bowing and Cringing with such Flexible Submission to each Proud Enchantress as if their Backs were made of Whalebone which brought into my Mind the following Distich of my Lord Rochesters in which if I alter one Word for decency's sake I hope the Reader will excuse it So a Proud Minx does lead about Of Humble Curs the Am'rous Rout. This Place terminates in a Place call'd originally Cooks-Row but now more properly Cuckolds-Row from the great Number of Booksellers that are now crept into Possession of their Greasinesses Division this Learned part of the Fair is the Schollars chief Rendezvouz where some that have Money come to buy Books whilst othes who want it take 'em slily up upon Condition to pay if they 're catch'd and think it a Pious piece of Generosity to give St. Austin or St. Gregory Protection in a Gown Sleeve till they can better provide for ' em Here the most famous Auctioneer of all Great as well as Little Britain sells Books by the Hammer and gives the Scholars as merry an Entertainment as a Mountebank and his Andrew Here 's an Old Author for you Gentlemen you may Iudge his Antiquity by the Fashion of his Leather-Iacket herein is contain'd for the Benefit of you Scholars the Knowledge of every thing written by that famous Author who thro' his Prosound Wisdom very luckily discover'd that he knew nothing For your Encouragement Gentlemen I 'll put him up at two Shillings advance 3 Pence Two Shillings once What no Body bid The Bidder advances 3 d. Two and 3d. once Gentlemen Fye for shame why sure Men of your Parts and Learning will never suffer the Works of so famous an Author to be thus undervallued If you 'll believe me Gentlemen he 's worth more to a Powder-Monkey to make Cartridges of than what 's bid Two and three pence twice What no Body amongst you Gentlemen of the Black Robe that has so much respect for the Wisdom of our Ancestors as to advance t'other 3d Well Sir I find you must have him at two and three pence Knock and now you 've bought him Sir I must tell you you 'll find Learning enough within him to puzzle both Vniversities And thus much I promise you further Sir when you have read him seven years if you don 't like him bring him to me again in Little Brittain and I 'll help you to a Man shall give you a Shilling for him to cover Band-Boxes At this sort of rate he banters the young Studients and whatever they purchas'd gave 'em a Jest into the Bargain From thence I pass'd into a great Street call'd Cheapside where on one side were a considerable number of wholesale Tradesmen as Linnen-drapers Silk-men Iron-mongers Leather-sellers Tobacconists c. who swell'd in their Shops and look'd as big above the rest of the Petty-Dealers as the bluff well-fed Senior-Fellows of a College do above the lean thin-gutted poor Sizers On the opposite side are Suttlers Booths much frequented by the London Citizens who are easily to be known by their thin Calves-Leather Boots and the Bloodiness of their Spurs whose Rowels have been often buryed in the sides of their Hackneys Their pretence is coming down to meet their Customers tho' its plain by their Loitering they have little else to do but to Drink Smoke and Whore and to help support the Fair in its Ancient Custom of Debauchery couzening themselves of their Time their Families of their Money and their dear Wives of their Company Their Whips they wear under their Arms as a Beau does his Hat and tie up the ends of their Bob-Wigs in Black Bags with a ridiculous hope of being thought Gentlemen Behind these Booths is a place call'd the Duddery incompass'd round with Salesmen and People that fell Norwich-Stuffs and in the Middle abundance of Packs of that Deceitful Commodity Yorkshire-Cloth The Sales-men Ply at their Booth-doores as they do in Long-lane and Lug and Tug the poor Country Folks into their Mercinary Wardrobes as if they had power to Arrest 'em who are surely Cheated if they Buy and almost Worry'd if they dont In the Center of this Place stands an old weather-beaten Pulpit where on Sunday a Sermon is deliver'd for the Edification of the Strowling Sinners who give open Attention as in a Field-Conventicle Here is also great quantities of Wooll put up in Bags which they call Pockets weighing at least a Tun Weight An Irish Gentleman coming by and staring very hard upon ' em By my Shoul says he they are the largest Feather-Beds dat ever I did shee I wonder how they do to turn 'em when they make ' em On the other side the River there 's a little Town call'd Chesterton in which there is the Sign of the Black Bull where the Country Chapmen generally Lodg that come to the Fair for the sake of rare strong humming Ale for which 't is famous over which they get Drunk Quarrel and make Bargains till the Fox brings 'em to Sleep and Sleep by the next Morning to a Sober Repentance The chief Entertainment of the Fair is Stubble-Geese and Apple-Sauce Fat Pig and Fly-Sauce Bad Sack and Good Walnuts the last of which the Citizens send as Fairings to their Wives to Divert 'em behind the Counter in their Husbands Absence At Night when their Booths are shut up which is only by Skewering two Hair-cloths together then all that are Freshmen are sought by their Acquaintance in order to be Christened The manner of which is thus Two or three contrive to decoy him or her into a Sutlers Booth under pretence of some body being there to speak with them about Business and then privately send for an old Fellow dignified with the Title of Lord Tap from his going Arm'd all-over with Spiggots and Fossets like a Porcupine with his Quills or looking rather like a Fowl wrapt up in a Pound of Sausages who when he comes rings his Bell over the Head of the Party repeating these Words with an Audible Voice Over thy Head I ring this Bell Because thou art an Infidel And I have found thee out by th' Smell With a Hoxius Doxius call upon him That no Vengeance may Light on him Then the Party Christ'ned chuses two out of the Company to be his Godfathers who generally give him some very Bawdy Name then they swear him upon the Horns as at Highgate make him give Tap Six pence and spend four or five Shillings to treat the Company and then for ever after he 's free of Stir-Bitch-Fair Of which having given my self the Satisfaction of a General Survey I went back to Cambridge took a Place in the Stage Coach and return'd to London FINIS