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A13240 The araignment of leuud, idle, froward, and vnconstant women or the vanitie of them, choose you whether : with a commendation of wise, vertuous and honest women : pleasant for married men, profitable for young men, and hurtfull to none.; Arraignment of lewd, idle, froward, and unconstant women. 1615 Swetnam, Joseph, fl. 1617. 1615 (1615) STC 23534; ESTC S529 43,338 78

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Venice then I am sure that you would either haue wooed me to haue them or wished to see them But I will here conclude this first Epistle praying you with patience to heare the rest for if I offend you at the first I will make you amends at the last and so I leaue you to him whose seate is in Heauen and whose footestoole is the Earth Yours in the way of Honesty Ioseph Swetnam To the Reader Reade it if you please and like as you list neyther to the wisest Clarke nor yet to the starkest Foole but vnto the ordinary sort of giddy-headed young men I send this greeting IF you meane to see the Beare-bayting of womē then trudge to this Beare-garden apace and get in betimes and view euery roome where thou mayest best sit for thy owne pleasure profite and hearts ease beare with my rudenes if I chance to offend thee But before I doe open this trunke full of torments against women I thinke it were not amisse to resemble those which in old time did sacrifices to Hercules for they vsed continually first to whip all their dogges out of their City and I thinke it were not amisse to driue all the women out of my hearing for doubt lest this little sparke kindle into such a flame and rayse so many stinging Hornets humming about my eares that all the wit I haue will not quench the one nor quiet the other for I feare me that I haue set down more then they will like of and yet a great deale lesse then they deserue and for better proofe I refer my selfe to the iudgement of men which haue more experience then my selfe for I esteem little of the malice of women for men will be perswaded with reason but women must be answered with silence for I know women will barke more at me then Cerberus the two-headed dog did at Hercules when he came into Hell to fetch out the fayre Proserpina and yet I charge them now but with a bulrush in respect of a second booke which is almost ready I doe now but fret them with false fire but my next charge shal be with weapons and my larum with powder and shot for then wee will goe vpon these venemous Adders Serpents and Snakes and tread and trample them vnder our feet for I haue known many stung with some of these Scorpions and therefore I warne all men to beware the Scorpton I knowe women will bite the lip at mee and censure hardly of mee but I feare not the curst Cowe for she commonly hath short horns let them censure of me what they wil for I meane not to make them my Iudges and if they shoot their spite at me they may hit themselues and so I will smile at them as at the foolish Fly which burneth her selfe in the candle And so friend Reader if thou hast any discretion at all thou mayest take a happy example by these most lasciuious and crafty whorish theeuish knauish women which were the cause of this my idle time spending and yet I haue no warrant to make thee beleeue this which I write to be true but yet the simple Bee gathereth honey where the venemous Spider doth her poyson And so I will hinder thee no longer from that which insueth But here I wil conclude lest thou hast cause to say that my Epistles are longer then my booke a Booke I hope I may call it without any offence for the Collyer cals his Horse a Horse the Kings great Steed is but a Horse If thou read but the beginning of a booke thou canst giue no iudgement of that which insueth therefore I say is the Frier who in the midst of his Sermon said ofte that the best was behind And so if thou reade it all ouer thou shalt not be deluded for the best is behind I thinke I haue shot so neere the white that some wil account me for a good Archer And so praying thee to looke to thy footing that thou run not ouer thy shooes and so be past recouery before my second booke come Thy friend JOSEPH SVVETNAM CHAP. I. This first Chapter sheweth to what vse Women were made it also sheweth that most of them degenerate from the vse they were framed vnto by leading a proud lazy and idle life to the great hinderance of their poore Husbands MOses describeth a Woman thus At the first beginning saith hee a woman was made to be a helper vnto man so they are indeed for she helpeth to spend and consume that which man painefully getteth Hee also saith that they were made of the ribbe of a man and that their froward nature sheweth for a ribbe is a crooked thing good for nothing else and women are crooked by nature for small occasion will cause them to be angry Againe in a manner shee was no sooner made but straightway her mind was set vpon mischiefe for by her aspiring minde and wanton will shee quickly procured mans fall and therfore euer since they are and haue beene a woe vnto man and follow the line of their first leader For I pray you let vs consider the times past with the time present first that of Dauid and Salomon if they had occasion so many hundred yeares agoe to exclaime so bitterly against women for the one of them said that it was better to be a doore-keeper and better dwel in a den amongst Lyons then to be in the house with a froward and wicked woman and the other said that the climing vp of a sandy hill to an aged man was nothing so wearisome as to be troubled with a froward woman and further he saith that the malice of a beast is not like the malice of a wicked woman nor that there is nothing more dangerous then a woman in her fury The Lion being bitten with hunger the Beare being robbed of her young ones the Viper being trod on all these are nothing so terrible as the fury of a woman A Bucke may be inclosed in a Parke a bridle rules a horse a Woolfe may be tied a Tyger may be tamed but a froward woman will neuer be tamed no spur will make her goe nor no bridle will hold her backe for if a woman hold an opinion no man can draw her from it tell her of her fault she will not beleeue that she is in any fault giue her good counsell but she will not take it if you doe but looke after another woman then she will be iealous the more thou louest her the more she will disdaine thee and if thou threaten her then she wil be angry flatter her and then she will be proud and if thou forbeare her it maketh her bold and if thou chasten her then she will turne to a Serpent at a word a woman will neuer forget an iniury nor giue thanks for a good turne what wise man then will exchange gould for drosse pleasure for paine a quiet life for wrangling brawles from the which the
many other notable sentences fit for this purpose saith that a faire woman without discreet maners is like a gold ring in a swines snowte and if thou marriest for wealth then thy wife many times will cast it in thy dish saying that of a begger shee made thee a man againe if thou marriest for beautie and aboue thy calling thou must not onely beare with thy wiues folly but with many vnhappy words for shee wil say she was blinded in fancying thee for she might haue had Captaine such a one or this Gendeman or that so that thou shalt neuer neede to craue a foule word at her hands in seuen yeares for thou shalt haue enow without asking besides I feare mee thou wilt be better headed then wedded for shee will make thee weare an Oxe feather in thy cap yet he which hath a fayre wife will aduenture on a thousand infamies onely in hope to keepe her in the state of an honest woman but if shee be ill giuen do what thou canst breake thy heart and bend thy study neuer so much yet all will not serue thou maiest let her goe all howres of the night shee will neuer meete with a worse then her selfe except shee meete with the deuill himselfe Therefore yet once more I aduise thee in the choyce of thy wife to haue a speciall regard to her qualities and conditions before thou shake hands or iumpe a match with her Also inquire and marke the life and conuersation of her Parents let the old Prouerbe put thee in mind hereof that an euill Bird layeth an ill Egge the Cat will after her kind an ill Tree cannot bring foorth good fruit the young Crab goeth crooked like the Damme the young Cocke croweth as the old and it is a verie rare matter to see children tread out of the pathes of their Parents Hee that commeth into a Fayre to buy a horse will prye into euery part to see whether hee bee sound of winde and limbe and without cracke or flaw and whether his breeding were in a hard soyle or whether he be well paced and likewise he will haue a care that his horse shall haue all outward markes which betoken a good horse yet with all the cunning he hath he may be deceiued but if hee proue a Iade he may put him away at the next Fayre But if in choyse of thy wife thou be deceyued as many men are thou must stand to thy word which thou madest before the whole Parrish which was to take her for better or worse for there is no refusing shee will sticke to thee as close as a saddle to a horses backe and if she be frowardly giuen then she will vexe thee night day Amongst the quietest couples that are yet houshold iars will arise but yet such quarrels which happen in the day are often quallified with kisses in the night but if it be not so ended their thirst will goe forward like the carriage which is drawn between two horses taile to taile if she cannot reuenge her selfe with her tongue nor with her hands nor with conuaying thy goods yet shee will pay thee home priuately for if thou strike with thy sword she will strike with the scabard choose not the rapier by his ringing nor thy wife by her singing for if thou doest thou mayest be very well deceyued in both for thy rapier may proue a gad and thy wife but little better Now if thou aske me how thou shouldest choose thy wife I answere that thou hast the whole world to make choyse yet thou maiest be deceyued An ancient father being asked by a young man how hee should choose a wife he answered him thus When thou seest a flocke of maydens together hudwinke thy selfe fast and runne amongst them and looke which thou chasest let her be thy wife the young man told him that if he went blindfolded he might be deceyued and so thou maiest quoth the old man if thy eyes were open for in the choise of thy wife thou must not trust thy owne eyes for they will deceiue thee and be the cause of thy woe for she may seeme good whose waste is like a wand or she which hath a spider fingered hand or she which on her tiptoes still doth stand and neuer read but in a golden booke nor will not be caught but with a golden hooke or such a one as can stroke a beard or looke a head and of euery flea make her selfe afraide if one had a spring such a wench would make him a beggar if he were halfe a King then this is no bargaine for thee But harke a little further the best time for a young man to marry is at the age of twenty and fiue and then to take a wife of the age of seuenteene yeares or thereabout rather a maid then a widdow for a widdow is framed to the conditions of another man and can hardly be altered so that thy pains will be double for thou must vnlearne a widdow and make her forget and forgoe her former corrupt and disordered behauiour the which is hardly to be done but a young woman of tender yeares is flexible and bending obedient and subiect to doe any thing according to the will and pleasure of her husband And if thy state be good marry neere home and at leisure but if thy state be weake and poore then to better thy selfe after enquiry made of her wealth and conditions go farre off and dispatch it quickly for doubt lest tattling speeches which commonly in these cases runne betwixt party and party and breake it off euen then when it is come to the vp-shot but as I haue already said before thou put thy foot out of doores make diligent enquiry of her behauiour for by the market-folke thou shalt heare how the market goeth for by enquiry thou shalt heare whether she be wise vertuous and kinde wearing but her owne proper haire and such garments as her friends estate will affoord or whether she loue to keepe within the house and to the seruants haue a watchfull eie or if shee haue a care when to spend when to spare and to be content with what God doth send or if she can shed no kind of vnstained teares but when iust cause of hearty sorrow is and that in wealth and woe in sicknesse and in health shee will be all alike such a wife will make thee happy in thy choise Although some happen on a deuilish and vnhappy women yet al men doe not so and such as happen ill it is a warninge to make them wise if they make a second choise not that all other shall haue the like fortune the sunne shineth vpon the good and bad and many a man happeneth sooner on a shrew then a ship Some thriue by dicing but not one in an hundreth therfore dicing is ill husbandry som thriue by marriage and yet many are vndone by marriage for marriage is either the making or marring of many a man and