reason forme or hue He kicks and stings and winces thee thy due He maketh shift in speeches mysticall To write strange verses Cabalisticall Much like thy booke and thee in wit and shape Whilst I in imitation am his Ape Mount Maluora swimming on a big-limb'd guat And Titan tilting with a flaming Swanne Great Atlas flying on a winged Sprat Arm'd with the Hemispheares huge warming pan Or like the triple Vrchins of the Ash That lie and she through Morpheus sweet-fac'd doore Doth drowne the starres with a Poledauies flash And make the smooth-heel'd ambling rocks to roâ—â— Euen so this tall Colombrum Pigmy steeple That bores the Butterflie aboue the spheare Puls AEolus taile and Neptunes mountaines tippleâ— Whilst Coloquintida his fame shall reare Loe thus my Muse in stumbling iadish verse On horse-backe and on foot thy praise rehearse Pricksong Here 's one harmoniously thy same doth raise With Pricksong verse to giue thee prick praise But prick nor spur can make thee mend thy troâ— For thou by nature art nor cold nor hot But a meere nat'rall neutrall amongst men Arm'd like the bristles of a Porcupen If French or Venice Puncks had fir'd or scald thee This man had neuer raw-bon'd Coriat call'd thee Thou that so many Climats hotly coasted I wonder much thou wast not boild nor rosted Yet euery man that earst thy carkasse saw Are much in doubt if thou bee'st roast or raw Iohannes Pawlet de George Henton Now here 's another in thy praises ran And would intitle thee the great god Pan. No warming pan thou art I plainely see No fire-pan nor no frying-pan canst thou be Thou art no creame-pan neither worthy man Although thy wits lie in thy heads braine-pan Lionel Cranfield This Gentleman thy wondrous trauels rips And nothing that may honour thee he skips Thy yron memory thy booke did write I prethee keepe a wench to keepe it bright For cankerd rust I know will yron fret And make thee wit and memory forget Left rust therefore thy memory should deuoure I 'd haue thee hire a Tinker it to scowre Iohannes Sutclin Now here 's a friend doth to thy fame confesse Thy wit were greater if thy worke were lesse He from thy labour treats thee to giue o're And then thy case and wit will be much more Lo thus thy small wit and thy labour great He summons to a peaceable retreat Inigo Iones What liuing wight can in thy praise be dum Thou crowing Cock that didst from Odcom com This Gentleman amongst the rest doth flocke To sing thy fame thou famous Odcomb'd cocke And learnedly to doe thee greater grace Relates how thou canst scrue thy veriuyce face He wishes him that scornes thy booke to read It at the sessions house he chance to plead That he may want his booke although he craue But yet thy booke will sooner hang then saue So many gallowses are in thy booke Which none can read without a hanging looke Georgius Siddenham Now here 's a Substantiue stands by himselfe And makes thee famous for an anticke else But yet me thinkes he giues thee but a frumpe In telling how thou kist a wenches rumpe To spoile her ruffe I thinke thou stood'st in fearâ— That was the cause that made thee kisse her there Robertus Halswell Thy praise and worth this man accounts not small But ' thad bin greater writing not at all Thy booke he calls Dame Admirations brother I thinke the world vnworthy such another Thy booke can make men merry that are sad ' But such another sure will make men mad Iohannes Gifford This friend amongst the rest takes little paine To laud the issue of thy teeming braine And to applaud thee with his best endeauor He begs his wits to helpe him now or neuer He bids graue Munster reuerence thy renowne And lay his pen aside and combe thy crowne He praises thee as though he meant to split all And saies thou art all wit but yet no witall Except thy head which like a skonce or fort Is barracado'd strong left wits resort Within thy braines should rayse an insurrection And so captiue thy head to wits subiection Robertus Corbet The luggage of thy wit thy Booke he tearmes The bagge and baggage of thy legs and armes That neuer can be vnderstood by none But onely such as are like thee alone Iohannes Donnes This Gentleman commends thy Trauels much Because like thee was neuer any such Decembers thunder nor hot Iulies snow Are nothing like the wonders thou dost show Iohannes Chapman Here 's one in kindnesse learnedly compacts Thy naturall iests and thy all naturall acts And craues the Reader would some pity take To buy thy booke euen for his owne deare sake For of thy trauels and thy great designes There 's little matter writ in many lines Thou in much writing tak'st such great delight That if men read thou car'st not what thou write This man could well afford to praise thee more But that hee 's loth to haue thee on his score For he no longer will thy praise pursue Lest he should pay thee more then is his due Iohannes Owen This Author to thy fame in friendship saies How ancient Writers pend the Asses praise And wishes some of them aliue agen That they alone might thy high praises pen. Petrus Alley Now here 's a friend that lowd thy glory rings With Cannons Sakers Culuerings and Slings Guns drums and phifes and the thrill clang'rous truÌ„pet Applauds thy courting the Venetian struÌ„pet Samuel Page This Gentleman accounts it no great wrong Amidst thy praise to say thy cares be long His meaning my construction much surpasses I wet not what he meanes except an â—â—â— Thomas Momford Here 's a strange riddle puts me much in doubt Thy head 's within thy wit thy wit 's without 'T were good some friend of thine would take the paines To put thy wit i' the inside of thy braines For pitty doe not turne it out of dore Thy head will hold it if'twere ten times more Thomas Bastard This Gentleman aduiseth thee take heed Lest on thy praise too greedily thou feed But though too much a surfet breed he saies Yet thou shalt surfet but not die of praise Guilielmus Baker Here 's one by no meanes at thy same can winke And saies how most men say thou pissest inke If it be true I 'de giue my guilded raper That to thy inke thou couldst sir-reuerence paper Thy gaines would be much more thy charges lesse When any workes of thine come to the Presse 'T were good thy eares were par'd from off thy head 'T would stand Cosmographers in wondrous stead To make a Globe to serue this massie earth To be a mappe of laughter aud of mirth All new-found sustian phrases thou do'st sup And ' gainst a dearth of words dost hoard them vp Yet where thou com'st thou spendst thy prating pelse Thogh no man vnderstand thee nor thy selfe Thou art a iewell to be hang'd most fit In eares whose heads are nothing
Anothers Horses drawes it quite away One giues a Iarrs of Oyle to scape the soile An Oxe o'retures the Iarre and spils the Oyle And thus like Pharaohs kine he hath the power To make the fastest bribes the leane deuoure His motions moue commotions and his suites Foure times a yeare doe Termely yeeld him fruits Foure sundry wayes a Kingdomes Lawes are vs'd By tow maintained and by two abus'd Good Lawyers liue by Law and 't is most fit Good men obey the Law liue vnder it Bad Lawyers for their gaine doe wrest the Law Bad men of God or mans Law haue no awe But whether these men vse Law well or ill Th' intention of the Law is honest still For as the text is rent and torne and varied And by opinions from the sence is carried By ignorant and wilfull Hereticks Or impure separating Sehismaticks Though from the truth of text all men should seuer The text is permanent and Sacred euer Euen so the Law is in selfe vpright Correcting and protecting wrong and right T is no just Lawyers or the Lawes desame Although some hounds of hell abuse the same This Cormorant I meane gulps whom he list And hauing swallow'd fees into his fist Deferres the motion till the Court with drawes Then to the cushions pleads the poore mans cause As formally as if the Iudge fate No matter for the man the money 's gat My Cormorant was neuer match'd till now If I said o'rematch'd I le resolue you how And you that reade it shall confesse it true Perhaps it is a thing well knowne to you Where Corâ—â—ants haunts numbers of fish grow lesse But where bad Lawyers come there brawles increase Now master Vndershrieue I vnderstand You bring my Lawyer worke vnto his hand You bring him stuffe hee like a Taylor cuts it And into any shape hee pleaseth puts it Though to the Client it appeare slight stuffe It shall out-last him any suite of Buffe For though from terme to terme it be worne long T is drest still with the teazle of the tongue That though it be old at euery day of heating It lookes fresh as 't had neuer come to wearing And though it seeme as th' owner neuer wore it A Broaker will not giue him three pence for it Sweet master Shrieue let it not grieue your mind You being the last o' th brood come last behind No doubt you might be first in a bad case But being call'd vnder I make this your place I know where e're you stand you are so good You 'l scorne to be vnlike one of the brood And tak 't in dudgeon as you might no doubt If mongst this ranke of Corm'rantsâ— you were out I haue a warrant heere for what I doe Plaine truth it selfe and that haue seldome yoe Some of your tribe a man may honest call But those my Corm'rant meddles not withall You that dare fright men of a shallow wit Who cannot read when there is nothing writ And can returne when you are pleas'd to saue A Non inuentus for a bribing knaue For one that stands indebted to the King A Nihil habet if his purse can ring When a poore man shall haue his Bullockes ceaz'd And priz'd at little to make you appeaz'd You haue the art and skill to raze words out Of Writs and Warrants to bring gaine about I will not serue you so for if you looke Your name stands fairely printed in my booke For every one to reade how you can straine On Widowes goods and restore none againe Picke Iuries for your purose which is worse Then if you pick'd the wronged Plaintiffes purse Returne your Writs to your aduantage best Bring in some money and drab out the rest Leauing oft times the high Shrieue in the lurch Who stops the bountie should repaire the Church Or buy some Bels to sound out his deuotion If either Ayre or Earth or the wide Ocean Can shew worse Cormorants or any brooke I 'le neuer aske a penny for my Booke EPILOGVE Now Reader tell me if thou well canst iudge If any honest man haue cause to grudge At these my Stayres being plaine and true Giuing the world and the Diuell their due I haue but bluntly call'd a spade a spade And hee that wincheth shewes himselfe a â—ade Be quiet see thy faults and learnet ' amend Thou shewest thy guiltinesse if thou contend FINIS TAYLORS WATER-WORKE OR THE SCVLLERS TRAVELS FROM TYBER TO THAMES WITH his Boat laden with a Hotch-potch or Gallimawfrey of Sonnets Satyres and Epigrams With an Inkhorne Disputation betwixt a Lawyer and a Poet and a Quarterne of new-catcht Epigrams caught the last Fishingâ—â—â— together with an addition of Pâ—storâ—â—â— Equiâ—â—â— or the complaint of a Shepheard â—… DEDICATED To neither Monarch nor Miser Keaser nor Caitiffe Pallatine or Plebeian but to great Mounsier Multitude ahas All or euery One IOHN TAYLOR sends his Scull-boats lading to be câ—nsured as please their Wisedomes to screw their Lunatike opinions MOst Mighty Catholike or Vmuer sall Mounsier Multitude whose many millions of Hvâ—raes heads Arâ—â—-eâ—es and â—â—â— hands â—â— if you pleaseâ— to iudge of my Water-Muses â—â—â—â—â— to looke with hundreds of â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â— of my Sculler or to lend a few of your many hands to helpe to tugge me a shore at the Hauen of your goodwâ—ls which if you doe it is more then my â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â— expcet or merit But if you will not assâ—st me I will â—â—â—â— the next high tide and scramble vp intoâ— though â—he fast a ground for my labour â—e grable for Gudgeons or fish for Flounders in the Rereward of our eâ—â—â— temporizing â—â—umorists sharpe Satyrists or â—â—â— call â—â—â— I could wish my lines might please like Cheese to a Wâ—lchman Rutter to a Flemine Vsâ—â—â—baugh to an Irishman or Honey to a Beare To conclude I wish best to the Protestâ—â—t I â—â—â— the â—â—â— praying for the perseuerance of the one and a Reâ—ormation of the other Meane â—â—â— my â—â—â— like a Barbers shop is readie for all commers bee they of what Religion they well paying their Farewell Yours ten thousand wayes IOHN TAYLOR To the Right Worshipfull and my euer respected Mr. IOHN MORAY Esqire OF all the wonders this vile world includes I muse how sâ—atterie such high fauours gaine How adulation cunningly deludes Both high and low from Scepâ—er to the swaine But it thou by Sâ—â—tterie couldst obtaine More then the most that is possest by men Thou canst not tune thy tongue to falshoods straine Yet with the best canst vse both tongae and pen. Thy sacred learning can both scan and kâ—n The hidden things of Nature and of Art 'T is thouh all â—â—'d me from obliuions den And made my Muse from oblcure sleepe to start Vnto thy wisdomes censure I commit This first bâ—rne issue of my worthlesse wit I.T. To my deâ—re respected friend Maister Beniamin Iehuson THou canst not â—â—â— for though the strâ—â—â— of death Depriâ—â—â— the World of thyworst â—â—â—thly part Yet when the corps hath banished thy
a Mace Great and well Guilt to do the Towne more grace Are borne before the Maior and Aldermen And on Festiuities or high dayes then Those Magistrates their Scarlet Gownes doe weare And haue sixe Sergeants to attend each yeare Now let men say what Towne in England is That truly can compare it selfe with this For Scituation strength and Gouernment For Charity for Plenty for Content For state And one thing more I there was told Not one Recusant all the Towne doth hold Nor as they say ther 's not a Puritan Or any nose-wise foole Precisian But great and small with one consent and will Obey his Maiesties Iniunctions still They say that once therein two Sisters dwelt Which inwardly the pricke of Conscience felt They came to London hauing wherewithail To buy two Bibles all Canonicall Th' Apocryâ—ha did put them in some doubt And therefore both their bookes were bound without Except those two I ne'r did heare of any At Hull though many places haue too many But as one scabbed sheepe a slocke may marre So there 's one man whose nose did stand a jarre Talk'd very scuruily and look'd ascue Because I in a worthy Towns-mans Pue Was plac'd at Church when God knowes I ne'r thought To sit there I was by the Owner brought This Squire of low degree displeased than Said I at most was but a Water-man And that they such great kindnesse setting forth Made more a' th flesh then e'r the broth was worth Which I confesse but yet I answer make 'T was more then I with manners could forsake He sure is some high-minded Pharisee Or else infected with their heresie And must be set downe in their Catalogues They lou'd the highest seats in Synagogues And so perhaps doth he for ought I know He may be mounted when I sit below But let him not a Water-man despise For from the water he himselfe did rise And windes and water both on him haue smil'd Else The great Marchant he had ne'r bin stil'd His Character I finely will contrue He 's scornefull proud and talking talkatiue A great Ingrosser of strange speech and newes And one that would sit in the highest Pues But bate an Ace he 'l hardly winne the game And if I list I could rake * But I was euer better with forks to scatter then with Rakes to gather therefore I would not haue the Townes-men to mistake chalke for Cheese or Robert for Richard out his name Thanks M r. Maior for my Bacon Gammon Thankes Roger Parker for my small fresh Sammon 'T was ex'lent good and more the truth to tell ye Boyl'd with a fine Plum-Pudding in the belly The sixth of August well accompani'd With best of Townes-men to the waters side There did I take my leaue and to my Ship I with my Drum and Colors quickly skip The one did dub a dub and rumble braue The Ensigne in the aire did play and waue I launc'd supposing all things had bin done Bownce from the â—lock-house quoth a roaring Gun And wauing Hats on both sides with content I cri'd Adiew adiew and thence we went Vp Hâ—mbers â—â—ood that then amaine did swell Windes calme and water quiet as a Well We Row'd to Owse with all our force and might To Cawood where we well were lodg'd all night The morrow when as Phoebus 'gan to smile I forwards set to Yorke eight little mile But two miles short of Yorke I landed than To see that reuerend * At Bishops thorpe where the right reuerend Father in God Toby Mathew Archbishop of Yorke his Grace did make me welcome Metropolitan That watchful Shepheard that with care doth keep Th' infernall Wolfe from Heau'ns supernall Sheepe The painefull Preacher that most free Almes-giuer That though he liue long is too short a liuer That man whose age the poore doe all lament All knowing when his Pilgrimage is spent When Earth to Earth returnes as Natures debter They feare the Prouerbe Sâ—ldome comes the better His Doctrine and example speake his due And what all people sayes must needs be true In duty I most humbly thanke his Grace He at his Table made me haue a place And meat and drinke and gold he gaue me there Whilstâ—l my Crue i' th Hal were fill'd with cheare So hauing din'd from thence we quickly past Through Owse strong Bridge to York faire City â—â—â—â— Our drowning scap'd more danger was ensuing 'T was Size time there and hanging was a brewiâ—â— But had our faults beene ne'r so Capitall We at the Vintners Barre durst answer all Then to the good Lord Maior I went and told What labour and what dangers manifold My fellow and my selfe had past at Seas And if it might his noble Lordship please The Boat that did from London thither swim With vs in duty we would giue to him His Lordship pawsing with a reuerend hum My friend quoth he to morrow morning come In the meane space I 'l of the matter thinke And so he bade me to goe nee'r and drinke I dranke a Cup of Claret and some Beere And sure for ought I know he a There is some â—ddâ—â— betweene keeping and spendâ—â—â— keeps good cheâ—â—â— I gaue his Lordship in red guilded leather A well bound booke of all my Workes together Which he did take b Heere I make a full point for I receiued not a point in â—â—â— change There in the City were some men of note That glâ—dly would giue money for our Boat But all this while good manners bade vs stay To haue my good Lord Maiors yea or nay But after long demurring of the matter c I thought it my duty being we had come a dâ—â—â—rous voyage to offer out Boat to the chiefe Magistrate fâ—â— why should not my Boat be as good a monument as Tâ—â— Câ—â—â— euerlasting ouertrampling land-conquering Shooes thought He well was pleas'd to see her on the water And then my men Row'd halfe an houre or more Whilst he stood viewing her vpon the shore They bore his Lordships Children in her there And many others as she well could beare At which his Honour was exceeding merry Saying it was a pretty nimble Wherry But when my men had taken all this paines Into their eyes they might haue put their gaines Vnto his shop he did d And forgat to say I thanke you good fellowes perambulate And there amongst his Barres of Iron sate I ask'd him if he would our Boat forgoe Or haue her And his Lordship answer'd No. I tooke him at his word and said God buy And gladly with my Boat away went I. I sold the Boat as I suppos'd most meet To honest e â—â—â—â—â—tiall worthy Citizen who hath beene Shrieue of York and â—â—â— keepes the George in Cunny street M r. Kayes in Cunny street He entertain'd me well for which I thanke him And gratefully amongst my friends I 'l ranke him My kind remembrance here I put in paper To worthy M r. Hemsworth there a Draper Amongst the
Fisting hound all these are for pleasure by which wee may perceiue that Man is allowed lawfull and honest recreation or else these Dogges had neuer bin made for such vses But many pretty ridiculous aspersions are cast vpon Dogges so that it would make a Dogge laugh to heare and vnderstand them As I haue heard a Man say I am as hot as a Dogge or as cold as a Dogge I sweat like a Dogge when indeed a Dog neuer sweates as drunke as a Dogge hee swore like a Dogge and one told a Man once That his Wife was not to be beleeu'd for shee would lye like a Dogge marry quoth the other I would giue twelue pence to see that trick for I haue seene a Dogge to lye with his Nose in his Tayle FINIS The VVorld runnes on wheeles OR Oddes betwixt Carts and Coaches The meaning of the Embleme THe Diuell the Flesh the World doth Man oppose And are his mighty and his mortall foes The Diuell and the whorish Flesh drawes still The World on wheeles runnes after with good will For that which we the World may iustly call I meane the lower Globe Terrestriall Is as the Diuell and a Whore doth please Drawne here and there and euerie where with ease Those that their Liues to vertue here doe frame Are in the World but yet not of the same Some such there are whom neither Flesh or Diuell Can wilfully drawe on to any euill But for the World as 't is the World you see Itâ—â—â— on wheeles and who the Palfreys be Which Embleme to the Reader doth display The Diuell and Flesh runne swift away The Chain'd ensnared World doth follow fast Till All into Perditions pit be cast The Picture topsie-turuie stands hâ—wwaw The World turn'd vpside downe as all men know TO The Noble Company of Cordwainers the worshipfull Company of Sadlers and Woodmongers To the worthy honest and laudable Company of Watermen And to the Sacred Societie of Hackney-men And finally to as many as are grieued and vniustly impouerished and molested with the Worlds running on Wheeles GEntlemen and Yeomen maruell not that I write this Pamphlet in Prose now hauing beforetimes set forth so many Bookes in Verse The first reason that moued me to write thus was because I was Lame and durst not write Verses for seare they should be infected with my Griefe and be lame too The Second Reason is because that I finde no good rime for a Coach but Broach Roach Encroach or such like And you know that the Coach hath ouer-throwne the good vse of the Broach and Broach-turner turning the one to Rackes and the other to Iackes quite through the Kingdome The Roach is a dry bish much like the vnprofitable profit of a Coach it will cost more the dressing and appurtenances then t is worth For the word Encroach I thinke that best befits it for I think neuer such an impudent proud saâ—cie Intruder or Encroacher came into the world as a Coach is for it hath driuen many honest Families out of their Houses many Knights to Beggers Corporations to pouerty Almesdâ—sdâ—s â—â—â— to all misdeedes Hospitality to extortion Plenty to famine Humility to pride Compassion to oppression and all Earthly goodnes almost to an vtter confusion These haue beene the causes why I writ this Booke in Prose and Dedicated it to all your good Companies knowing that you haue borne a heauie share in the Calamitie which these hyred Hackney bell-Carts haue put this Common-wealth vnto For in all my whole Discourse I doe not enueigh against any Coaches that belong to persons of worth or qualitie but onely against the Carter piller swarme of hyrelings they haue vndone my poore Trade whereof I am in Member and though I look for no reformation yet I expect the benefit of an old prouerbe Giue the losers leaue to speake I haue imbroadered it with mirth Quilted it with materiall stuffe Lac'd it with similitudes Sowed it with comparisons and in a word so plaid the Taylor with it that I think it will fit the wearing of any honest mans Reading attention and liking But howsoeuer I leaue both it and my selfe to remaine Yours as you are mine Iohn Taylor The VVorld runnes on VVheeles WHat a Murraine what piece of worke haue we here The World runs a wheeles On my Conscience my Dungcart will be most vnsauorly offended with it I haue heard the words often The World runs on Wheeles what like Pompeies Bridg at Ostend The great Gridyron in Christ-church The Landskips of China or the new found Instrument that goes by winding vp like a Iacke that a Gentleman entreated a Musitian to Rost him Seliengers Round vpon it Ha! how can you make this good Master Poet I haue heard that the World stands stock still and neuer stirres but at an Earth-quake and then it trembles at the wickednes of the Inhabitants and like an old Mother groanes vnder the misery of her vngracious Children well I will buy this volume of inuention for my Boyes to reade at home in an Euening when they come from Schoole there may be some goodnes in it I promise you truly I haue found in some of these Books very shrewd Items yea and by your leaue somewhat is found in them now and then which the wisest of vs all may be the better for though you call them Pamphlets to tell you true I like em better that are plaine and merrily written to a good intent then those who are purposely stuffed and studyed to deceiue the world and vndo Country That tells vs of Proiects beyond the Moone of Golden Mines of Deuices to make the Thames run on the North side of London which may very easily be done by remouing London to the Banke-side of planting the I le of Dogs with Whiblins Corwhichets Mushromes and Tobacco Tut I like none of these Let mee see as I take it it is an inuectiue against Coaches or a proofe or tryall of the Antiquitie of Carts and Coaches T is so and Gods blessing light on his hart that wrote it for I thinke neuer since Pheton brake his necke neuer Land hath endured more trouble and molestation then this hath by the continuall rumbling of these vpstart 4. wheel'd Toâ—toyses as you may perhaps find anone For as concerning the Antiquity of the Cart I thinke it beyond the limmits of Record or writing Besides it hath a Reference or allusion to the Motion of the Heauens which turnes vpon the Equinoctiall Axeltree the two wheeles being the Articke and Antarticke Poles Moreouer though it be poetically feined that the Sunne whom I could haue called Phoebus Tytan Apollo Sok or Hiperion is drawn by his foure hoâ— and headstrong Horses whose names as I take it are AEolus AEthon Phlegon and Pyrois Yet doe I not finde that Triumphant Refulgent extinguisher of darknes is Coach'd but that hee is continully carted through the twelue signes of the Zodiaque And of Copernicus his opinion were to bee allowed that the Firmament with the
perhaps you shall haue an Irish footman with a â—acket eudgeld down the shoulders and skirs with yellow or orenge tâ—wny Lace may â—â—â—t from London 3. or 4. score miles to one of there decayed Mansions when the simâ—ring scornfull Passe the supposed â—â—â— of the house with a mischiefe who is indeed a kinde of creature retired for a while into the Countrey to escape the whip in the City â—hee demands out of the window scarce ready and dressing herselfe in a glasse at noone Fellow what is thine Errand hast thou letters to me And if it be about dinner a man may sooner blow vp the gates of Bergen â—p Zome with a Charme then get entrance within the bounds of their Barr'd Bolted and Barracadoed Wicket About two of Clocke it may bee walking an house or twaine Sir Sellaâ—â— comes downe vntrust with a Pipe of Tobacco in his fist to know your businesse hauing first peeped thorow a broken pane of Glasse to see whether you come to demand any money or old debt or not when after a few hollow dry complements without drinke he turnes you out at the gate his worshippe returning to his Stoue What Townes are laide waste what fields lye vntilled what goodly houses are turn'd to the habitations of Howlets Daives and Hobgâ—â— what numbers of poore are increased yea examine this last yeere but the Register books or buriaâ—â— of our gred â—est Townes and Pariâ—â—â— of the land as Winondham in Norfolke Wâ—â— Chappell neere Evâ—don and many other and see how many haue beene buried weekely that haue meerely perished for want of breaâ— whâ—â—â— Pride and Luxury dam vp our streetesâ— Barracado our high waies and are ready euen to driue ouer their Graues whom their vnmercifull Pride hath famiâ—hed Whence come Leather to be so deare but by reason or as I should say against reason â—â—â— the multitude of Coaches and Corâ—oâ—â—â— who consume and take vp the best Hides â—â—â— can be gotten in our Kingdome â—â—â— that I cannot buy a paire of Boots for my â—â—â— vnder an Angell nor my Wife a paâ—â—â— of Shooes though her foote be vnder the â—â—â— vnder eight roates of three â—â—â— by which meanes many honest shooâ—â—â— are either vndone or vndoing and â—â—â— numbers of poore Christians are enforced â—â— got â—are footed in the cold Winters till â—â—â— very beâ—â—mmeâ—nesse some their toâ—â— â—â—â—â—â—â— their feeâ—â—â—â—â—â— rotted off to the â—â—â— lesse increases of crooked Cripples â—â—â— woodden â—â—â— beggers of which sort of â—â—â—â—â—â— wretches euery streâ—â—â—â— pleâ—â—ifully stored with to the scorne of other â—â—â—ions and the shame and obloquy of our â—â—ne The Saddlers being an ancient a worthy and a vsefull Company they haue almost ouerthrowne the whole Trade to the vndoing of â—â—ny honest families For whereas within our memories our Nobility and Gentry would â—ideâ— well mounted and sometimes walke on â—â—â— gallantly attended with three or foureâ—â—ore braue fellowes in blue coates which was a glory to our Nation and gaue more â—â—â—â— to the beholders then forty of your Leather tumbrels Then men preseru'd their bodies strong and able by walking riding and other manly exercises Then Saddleâ—s were a good Trade and the name of a Coach was Heathen Greek Who euer saw but vpon â—â—traordinary occasions Sir Philip Sidney Sir â—â—â—is Drake Sir Iohn Norris Sir William â—â—â— Sir Roger Williams or whom I should â—â—â—e nam'd first the famous Lord Gray and â—â—â—â—â—â—ghby with the renowned George Earle of Camberland or Robert Earle of Essex These soâ—â—es of Mars who in their times were the glorious Brooches of our Nation and admirable terrour to our Enemies these I say did â—â—â—e small vses of Coaches and there were â—â—o mayne reasons for it the one was that there were but few Coaches in most of their â—â—nesâ— and the second reason is they were â—â—lly foes to all sloth and effeminacy The â—â—â— was Sir Francis Vere with thousands others but what should I talke further This is the tarrling rowling rumbling age and The VVorld runs on VVheeles The hackney-men who were wont to haue furnished Trauellers â—â— all places with fitting and seruiceable horses for any iourney by the multitude of Coaâ—â—â—â—â—â— vndone by the dozens and the whole Common-wealth most abominably iaded â—â—in many places a man had as good to ride vpon a woodden post as to poast it vpoÌ„ one of â—â—â— hunger-staru'd hirelings which enormiâ—â—â— can be imputed to nothing but the Coaâ—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—sion is the Hackneymans confusion Nor haue we poore Water-men the least â—â—â— to complaine against this infernall swarm of Trade-spillers who like the Grashoppers or Caterpiller 's of Egypt haue so ouerrun the land that we can get no liuing vpon the water for I dare truely affirme that euery day in any Tearme especially if the Court be at VVhitchall they do rob vs of our liuings and carry Fiue hundred sixty fares daily from vs which numbers of passengers were wont to supply our necessities and enable vs sufficiently with meanes to doe our Prince and Countrey seruice and all the whole fry of our famous whores whose ancient Lodgings were neere S. Katherines the Bankeside Laâ—nbethMarsh Westminster VVhite Fryers Coleharbor or any other place neer the Thames who were wont after they had any good Trading or reasonable commings in to take a Boate and aire themselues vpon the water yea and by your leaue be very liberall too I say as a Mercer said once A whores mony is as good as a Ladies and a bawdes as currant as a Midwiues Tush those times are past and our Hackney Coaches haue hurried al our hackney customers quite out of our â—each toward the North parts of the City where they are daily practised in the Coach that by often iolting they may the better endure the Cart vpon any occasion and indeed many times a hired Coachman with a basket-hilted blade hang'd or executed about his shoulders in a belt with a cloake of some pide colour with two or three change of Laces about may manne a brace or a Leash of these curuetting Cockatrices to their places of recreation and so saue them the charge of maintaining as Sir Pandarus or an Apple-squire which seruice indeed to speake the truth a Waterman is altogether vnfit for the worst is most of them are such Loggerheads that they either will not learne but as I thinke would scorne to bee taught so that if the Sculler had not been paid when he was paid it is to be doubted that he should neuer haue bâ—â—paidâ— for the coachman hath gotteÌ„ all the custom from the Scullers paymistris This is one apparant reason why all the whores haue forsaken vs and spend their cash so free frequent vpon those ingenious well-practiz'd seruiceable hired coachmen but a Pox take em all whither doe my wits run after whores and knaues I pray you but note the streetes and the chambers or lodgings in Fleetstreet or the Strand how they are pestered with them especially after a Mask or a Play at the Court where
according to my will My faults would make compare with any ill But yet I muse at Poets now adâ—yes That each mans vice so sharpely will dispraise Like as the Kite doth o're the carrion houer So their owne faults with other mens they couer Cause you shall deeme my iudgement to be just Amongst the guilty I cry guiltie first Epigram 3. GLacus that selfe conceâ—ted câ—iticke foole Vpon my Epigrams doth looke a scaunt And bids me pat my borren wit to Schoole And I in anger bid the Affe auaâ—â—â— For till some better thing by him is pend I bid him fault not that he cannot mend Epigram 4. A Skilfull Painter such rare pictures drew That euery man his workemanship admir'd So neere the life in beautie for me and new As if dead Art 'gainst Nature had conspir'd Painter sayes one thy wife 's a pâ—â—tty woman I muse such ilâ—-shapt Children thou â—ast got Yet makest such pictures as their like makes no man I prethâ—e tell the cause of this thy lot Quoth he I paint by day when it is light And get my Children in the darke at night Epigram 5. VNlearned Azo store to Bookes hath bought Because a learned Scholler hee 'l be thought I counsell'd him that had of Bookes such store To buy Pipes Lutes the Violl and Bandore And then his Musicke and his learning share Being both alike with either might compare Epigram 6. FAire Betrice tuckes her coats vp somewhat hie Her pretty leg and foot cause men should spie Sayes one you haue a handsome Leg sweet ducke I haue two quoth she or else I had hard â—ucke There 's two indeed I thinke th' are twinnes qd he They are and are not honest friend quoth she Their birth was both at once I dare be sworne But yet betweene them both a man was borne Epigram 7. THe way to make a Welch-man thirst for blisse And say his prayers dayly on his knees Is to perswade him that most câ—â—taine 't is The Moone is made of nothing but greene Cheese And hee 'l desire of God no greater boone But place in heauen to feed vpon the Moone Epigram 8. A Gailant Lasse from out her window saw A Gentleman whose nose in length exceeded Her boundlesse will not limited by Law Imagin'd he had what she greatly needed To speake with him she kindly doth entreat Desiring him to cleare her darke suppose Supposing euery thing was made compleat And correspondent equall to his nose But finding short where she expected long She sigh'd and said O nose thou didst me wrong Epigram 9. YOung S r. Iohn Puckefoist and his new made Madam Forgets they were the off spring of old Adam I 'm sure 't is not for wit nor manlike fight His worthlesse worship late was dub'd a Knight Some are made great for wealth and some â—or â—it And some for valour doe attaine to it And some for neither valour wit nor wealth But stolne opinion purchase it by stealth Epigram 10. ONe told me fiattery was exiâ—'d the slate And pride and lust at Court were out of date How vertue did from thence all vice put sue 'T is newes qnoth I too good for to be true Epigram 11. HE that doth beate his braines and trie his wit In hope thereby to please the multitude As soone may ride a Horse without a bit Aboue the Moone or Sunnes high altitude Then neither flattâ—rie nor the hope of pelfe Hath made me write but for to please my selfe Epigram 12. A Rusticke swaine was cleaning of a blacke And hum he cryes at euery pond'rous krâ—oâ—â—ke His wife sayes Husband where fore hum you â—â— Quoth he it makes the wedge in further goe When day was done and drow sie night was come Being both in bed at play shâ—â—â— bids him hum Good wife quoth he â—ncreat me hum no more For when I hum I cleaue but now I bore Epigram 13. VVhen Caualeâ—o Hot shot goes with Oares Zoun's rowye Rogues yeâ—â—z knaues make hast â—â—â—yle of Fidlers and a brace of Whotes At Lambeth stayes for me to breake their fast He that 's so hot for 's wench ere he come nieâ—â—er Being at her once I doubt hee 'l be on fire Epigram 14. IT was my chance once in my furious mood To call my neighbours wife an aâ—â—â—nt who â—re But she most â—â—â—â—y on here credit stood â—â—aring that sorry I should be there â—oâ—â—â— re Her Husband vnderstanding of the case Protested he would sue me for a slaâ—der When straight I prou'd it to his forked face He was a Knaue a Cuckold and a Pander Obo quoth he good neighbour say no mo I know my wife lets out her buggle bo Epigram 15. THe Law hangs Theeues for their vnlawfull Stealing The law carts Bawdâ— for keeping of the dore The Law doth punish Râ—gues for roguâ—â—sh dealing The Law whips both the Pander and the Whoâ—e For yet I muse from whence this Law is growne Whores must not steale nor yet must vâ—â— their owne Epigram 15. OLd Fabian by Extortion and by stealth Hoth got a huge Masse of ill gotten wealth For which he giues God daily thankes and praise When 't was the Diuell that did his â—â—tunes rayâ—â— Then since the gatting of thy goods were euill Th' hast reason to bee thankful to the deuill Who very largely hatn increast thy mocke And sent the Miser Midaes golden locke Then thanke not God for he hath hâ—lpâ— thee leaft But thanke the Diuell that hath thy â—â—â—â—â—â—creast Epigram 17. WHat matter i st how men their dayes doe spend So good report do on their deaths attend Though in thy former life thou ne're didst good But mad'st Religion for thy faules a hood And all blacke sinnes wereâ—… And tooke thy Conâ—… Yet at thyâ—… â—â—â—â— haue â— Sernâ—… A threadâ—… And inâ—… Will makâ—â—… Andâ—… Ourâ—… Who was theâ—… N Dâ—â—â—â—â—… swearer No grâ—edâ— Vâ—urer â—… Odeâ—… And thus an end at hasâ—… Thus Mr. â—… To make a Vâ—llâ—ineâ—… And to oneâ—… Much more then â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â— worth of words Epigram 18. LOrd who would take him for a p'ppâ—n â—quire That'sâ—… Can the dun'd windâ—â—â—â— or base â—â—â—â—â—â— Maintaine the slâ—uâ— in this 〈…〉 No 〈…〉 Vâ—â—tue's at to law a price When man knowes better how to thrâ—â—â—â— by Vice Epigram 19. ALL Bradoes oathes are new founded quence As though they sprung from learned Sapience He sweares by twitâ— pâ—â—d I â—â—â—â— fiery Car By Marses Launce the fearfull God of war By â—â—uâ—ias Bo â—â— Mâ—â—â—â—â—es charming Rod By Bâ—â—â—â—â—â— Diâ—ty that drunken God By gum sac'd â—utâ— and Aâ—ernus â—aues Bâ— Eoius blasts and Neptunâ—â— raging Wâ—ues Bâ—â—â—â— sweâ—â— Mâ—â—â—us â—â—â—â—ght â—â—â—â—â—â— eyes All other Oathes his hâ—mon doth despise Epigram 20. SIgneor Scranoto and tro doth range And at high Noone he visits the Exchange With stately gate the peopled Burse he stalkes Prving for some acquaintance in those walkes Which if he Spyâ—â—â—â—â—â— but has strange salute Marke how he 'l spread to shew his broaking sute When he perhaps that ow'd that cast apparell Not a fortnight