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book_n bishop_n common_a prayer_n 2,849 5 5.9146 4 true
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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A28201 The assembly-man Birkenhead, John, Sir, 1616-1679. 1663 (1663) Wing B2961; ESTC R17326 9,051 22

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Assembler was heard against Job His whole Prayer is such an irrational Bleating that without a Metaphor 't is the Calves of his Lipps And commonly 't is larded with fine new words as Savingable Muchly Christ-Jesusness c. and yet he has the face to preach against Prayer in an unknown Tongue Sometimes he 's founder'd and then there is such hideous Coughing But that 's very seldom for he can glibly run over Non-sense as an empty Cart trundles down a Hill When the King girt round the Earl of Essex at Lestythiell an Assembler complain'd that God had drawn his People into the Wildernesse and told Him He was bound in honour to feed them for Lord said he since thou giv'st them no Meat we pray thee O Lord to give them no Stomachs He tore the Liturgie because forsooth it shackled his Spirit he would be a Devil without a circle and now if he see the Book of Common Prayer the Fire sees it next as sure as the Bishops were burn'd who compil'd it Yet he has mercy on Hopkins and Sternhold because their Meeters are sung without Authority no Statute Canon or Injunction at all only like himself first crept into private Houses and then into Churches Mr. Rous mov'd those Meetres might be Sequestred and his own new Rithmes to enjoy the Sequestration but was Refus'd because John Hopkins was as ancient as John Calvin Besides when Rous stood forth for his Trial Robin Wisdom was found the better Poet. T is true they have a Directory but 't is good for nothing but Adoniram who sold the Original for 400 l. And the Book must serve both England and Scotland as the Directory Needle point's North and South The Assembler's only Ingenuity is that he pray's for an ex tempore Spirit since his Conscience tell 's him he has no Learning His Prayer thus ended he then look'd round to observe the Sex of his Congregation and accordingly turn's the Apostle's Men Fathers and Brethren into Dear Brethren and Sisters For his usual Auditory is most part Female and as many Sisters flock to Him as at Paris on Saint Margaret's day when all come to Church that are or hope to be with child that year He divides his Text as he did the Kingdom make 's one part fight against another or as Burges divides the Dean of Paul's House not into Parts but Tenements that is so as 't will yield most money And properly they are Tenements for each Part must be dwelt upon though himself comes near it but once a Quarter and so his Text is rather Let out than Divided Yet sometimes to shew his skill in Keckerman he Butcher's a Text cut 's it just as the Levite did his Concubine into many dead Parts breaking the Sense and Words all to pieces and then they are not Divided but shatter'd like the Splinters of Don Quixot's Lance. If his Text be to the Occasion his first Dish is Apples of Gold in Pictures of Silver yet tells not the People what Pictures those were His Sermon and Prayer grin at each other the one is Presbyterian the other Independent for he preaches up the Classes yet pray's for the Army Let his Doctrine and Reason be what they will his Use is still to save his Benefice and augment his Lecture He talks much of Truth but abhors Peace lest it strip him as naked as Truth and therefore hates a Personal Treaty unlesse with a Sister He has a rare simpring way of expression he call's a Marryed Couple Saints that enjoy the Mystery and a man Drunk is a Brother full of the Creature Yet at Wedding Sermons he is very familiar and like that Picture in the Church at Leyden shew's Adam and Eve without Fig-leaves At Funerals he gives infallible Signs that the Party is gone to Heaven but his chief Mark of a child of God is to be good to God's Ministers And hence 't is he call's his Preachment Manna fitted not to his Hearers Necessity but their Palat for 't is to feed Himself not them If he chance to tire he refreshes himself with the People's Hum as a Collar of Bells do chear up a Pack-horse 'T is no wonder hee 'l preach but that any will hear him and his constant Auditors do but shew the length of their Ears For he is such an 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that to hear him make's good Scholars sick but to read him is death Yet though you heard him three hours hee 'l ask a fourth as the Beggar at Delph craves your Charity because he eats four pound of Bread at a Meal 'T was from his Larum the Watch-makers learn'd their infinit Skrew His Glasse and Text are equally handled that is once an hour nay sometimes he sally's and never returns and then we should leave him to the Company of Lorimers for he must be held with Bit and Bridle Who ever once has been at his Church can never doubt the History of Balaam If he have got any new Tale or Expression 't is easier to make Stones speak than him to hold his peace He hates a Church where there is an Eccho for it robs him of his dear Repetition and confounds the Auditory as well as he But of all Mortals I admire the Short-hand-men who have the patience to write from his Mouth had they the art to shorten it into Sense they might write his whole Sermon on the back of their Nail For his Invention consist's in finding a way to speak Nothing upon any thing and were he in the Grand Seigniors power he would lodge him with his Mutes for Nothing and Nothing to purpose are all one I wonder in conscience he can preach against Sleeping at his Opium-Sermons He preaches indeed both in season and out of season for he rayl's at Popery when the Land is almost lost in Presbytery and would cry out Fire Fire in Noah's Flood Yet all this he so act 's with his Hands that in this sense too his Preaching is a Handicraft Nor can we complain that Playes are put down while he can preach save only his Sermons have worse Sense and lesse Truth But he blew down the Stage and preach'd up the Scaffold And very wisely lest men should track him and find where he pilsers all his best Simile's the only thing wherein he 's commendable St. Paul himself having cull'd Sentences from Menander's THAIS though 't was his worst that is unchast Comedy Sometimes the Assembler will venture at the Original and then with the Translator of Don Quixot he mistake's Sobs and Sighs for Eggs and Collops But commonly for want of Greek and Latin he learns Hebrew and streight is illuminated that is mad his Brain is broke by a Brickbat cast from the Tower of Babel And yet this empty windy Teacher has Lectur'd a War quite round the Kingdom he has found a Circulation of Bloud for Destruction as famous Harvey for Preservation of Mankind 'T was easie to foresee a great Mortality when Ravens were heard