must call it Martiall dealing But truth will tearme it Rob'ry and flat stealing For vnto all the world it is well knowne That he by force tooke what was not his owre Some Writers are with Tamberlaine so briefe To stile him with the Name of Scithian Thiefe Licurgus lou'd and granted guifts beside To Thieues that could steale and escape vnspide But if they taken with the manner were They must restore and buy the bargaine deere Thieues were at all times euer to be had Exampled by the good Thiefe and the Bad. And England still hath bin a fruitfull Land Of Valiant Thieues that durst bid true men stand One Bellin Dun a famous Thiefe suruiu'd From whom the Towne of Dunstable's deriu'd And Robin Hood with little Iohn agreed To rob the Rich men and the Poore to feede The Priests had heere such small meanes for thereâ—oâ— That many of them were inforc'd to Thieuing Once the Fift Henry could Rob exc'llent well When he was Prince of Wales as Stories tell â—hen Fryer Tucke a tall stoute Thiefe indeed â—ould better Rob and steale then Preach or reed 〈◊〉 Gosselin Deinuill with 200. more 〈◊〉 Fryers weedes Rob'd and were Hang'd therefore â—hus I in Stories and by proofe doe finde â—hat Stealing 's very olde time out of minde â—re I was Borne it through the world was spread â—nd will be when I from the world am Dead But leauing thus my Muse in hand hath tooke To shew which way a Thiefe is like a Booke A Comparison betweene a Thiefe and a Booke COmparisons are odious as some say But my Comparisons are so no way In the Pamphlet which I wrote before Compar'd a Booke most fitly to a Whore â—nd now as fitly my poore Muse alludes â— Thiefe t' a Booke in apt similitudes A good Booke steales the minde from vaine pretences From wicked Cogitations and offences 〈◊〉 makes vs know the worlds deceiuing plesures And set our hearts on neuer ending Treasures So when Thieues steale our Cattle Coyne or Ware It makes vs see how mutable they are Puts vs in mind that we should put our trust Where Fellon cannot steale or Canker rust Bad Bookes through eyes and eares doe break enter And takes possession of the hearts fraile Center Infecting all the little Kingdome Man With all the poyso'nous mischiefe that they can Till they haue Rob'd and ransack'd him of all Those thinges which men may iustly goodnes call Robs him of Vertue and Heau'nly grace And leaues him Begger'd in a wretched case So of our Earthly goods Thieues steale the best And richest Iewels and leaue vs the rest Men know not Thieues from true men by their lookâ— Nor by their outsides no man can know Bookes Both are to be suspected all can tell And Wisemen e're they trust will try them well A Booke may haue a Title good and faire Though in it one may finde small goodnes there And so a Thiefe whose actions are most vile Steales good opinion and a True mans stile Some Bookes prophane the Sacred Text abuse With common Thieues it is a common vse Some Bookes are full of lyes and Thieues are so One hardly can beleeue their yea or no. Some Bookes are Scurrilous and too obsceane And hee 's no right Thiefe that loues not a Queane Some Book 's not worth the Reading for their fruites Some Thieues not worth the Hanging for their sutes Some Bookes are briefe and in few wordes declare Compendious matter and Acutenesse rare And so some Thieues will breake into a House Or cut a Purse whilst one can cracke a Lowse Some Bookes are arrogant and Impudent So are most Thieues in Christendome and Kent Some Bookes are plaine and simple and some Thieâ—â—â— Are simply Hang'd whil'st others get Reprieues Some Bookes like foolish Thieues their faults are spâ—â— Some Thieues like witty Bookes their faults can hide â—ome Bookes are quaint and quicke in their Conceits â—ome Thieues are actiue nimble in their sleights â—ome Bookes with idle stuffe the Author fills â—ome Thieues will still be Idle by their wills â—ome Bookes haue neither Reason Law or sence No more haue any Thieues for their offence â— Booke 's but one when first it comes to th'Presse 〈◊〉 may encrease to Numbers Numberlesse And so one Thiefe perhaps may make threescore And that threescore may make ten thousand more Thus from one Thiefe Thieues may at last amount Like Bookes from one Booke past all mens account And as with Industry and Art and Skill One Thiefe doth dayly Rob another still So one Booke from another in this Age Steales many a Line a sentence or a Page Thus amongst Bookes good fellowship I finde All thinges are common Thieues beare no such minde And for this Thieuing Bookes with Hue and Cry Are sought as Thieues are for their Fellony As Thieues are chasde and sent from place to place So Bookes are alwayes in continuall Chase. As Bookes are strongly Boss'd and Clasp'd bound So Thieues are Manacled when they are found As Thieues are oft examin'd for their Crimes So Bookes are vsde and haue bin at all times As Thieues haue oft at their Arraignment stood So Bookes are tride if they be bad or good As Iuries and Graund Iuries with much strife Giue vp for Thieues a Verdict Death or Life So as mens fancies Euidence doe giue The shame or fame of Bookes to dye or liue And as the veriest Thiefe may haue some friend So the worst Bookes some Knaue will still defend As Thieues their Condemnation must abide Bookes are deem'd true somtimes somtimes bely'd As Thieues are Iudged so haue Bookes agen As many Censures almost as are men And as their faults are different in degree Some Thieues are hang'd some Bookes are burnt w◠〈◊〉 Some Thieues are for their small offences whip't All Bookes are Prest except a Manuscript As Thieues are buryed when the Lawe is paide So some Bookes in obliuions Graue are laide The Iaylors keepe the Thieues and much regards The strength of Fetters Locks bolts grates wards And will knowe when and how abroad they goe And vnto Bookes the Stacioners are so Still Bookes and Thieues in one Conceit doe ioyne For if you marke them they are all for Coyne Some Thieues exceeding braue a man may finde In Sattin and their Cloakes with Veluet linde And some Bookes haue gay Coates vnto their backe When as their insides goods and goodnes lackes Some Bookes are all betâ—tterd torne and 〈◊〉 Some Thieues endure a rugged punishment Some Thieues may come their sorowes to increase Before a shallowe Officer of Peace One that can Cough call knâ—ue with non sense Commit before be knowe for what offence A Booke somtimes doth proue a Thieues true friend And doth preserue him from a hanging end For let a man at any Sessions looke And still some Thieues are saued by their Booke And so some Bookes to Coxcombs hands may come Who can crye Pish and Mew and Tush and Hum Condemne ere they haue read or throughly scand Abusing what they cannot vnderstand Some Thieues are like a Horne-booke and begin Their A. B. C. of filching with a Pin Their Primer is a Poynt and then their Psalter May picke a Pocket and come neere a Halter Then with long practise in these Rudiments To breake a House may be his Accidence And vsing of his skill thus day by day By Grammer he may Rob vpon the way Vntill at last to weare it be his hap A Tiburne Tippet or olde Stories Cap. That is the high'st degree which they can take An end to all their Studies there they make For amongst Thieues not one amongst a score â—f they be rais'd so high they 'l steale no more Thus the Comparisons holdes still you see To Whores and Theiues Bookes may compared bee All are like Actors in this wauering Age They Enter all vpon the worlds great Stage Some gaine Applause and some doe Acte amisse And exit from the Scaffold with a Hisse Now if my Whore or Theife play well their Parts Giue them their due Applaud their good deserts If ill To Newgate hisse them or Bridewell To any place Hull Halifax or Hell And thus the Thiefe and Booke ioyne both in one Both hauing made an END they both haue DON Thus hauing Treated sufficiently of Whores and Whoring and Thieues and Thieuing I doe purpoâ—â— shortly to set forth a Pamphlet in the Commendatâ—â—ons of Iaylors and Iayles with the necessity of Hangiing and the Hangmans Art or Mystery Compendâ—â—ously described FINIS The Annagram of Rat is Art * I touch not his Trauailes to Scotland Germany or Bohemia or the Paper Boate. This Gentleman was pleased AnnagraÌ„matically to call me Water-Rat or water Art which I doe Annagrammatize Water-Rat to bee A trew Art * A Booke I writ called a Whore In the 93. page of a Booke called the Spirit of Detraction the Author cites 12. Parishes in one Hundred in Wales in this predicament Iupiters Idol in Scracusa in Sicitia The dore is Christ. One that 8 years since bought many houses where I many poore men dwelt presently raised our Rents from 3. l. to 5. l. but I changed him quickly for a better He cannot steale truly or truly he cannot steale * This fellowes Breches were not lynde with Apochriâ—ha I heard of one that had the picture of the Deuill in the back linings of his Dublet witnes at the Swan in St. Marâ—ids * This Miller kept a Windmill not many yeres since at Purflet in Essex Some say that he sold him the 4. Bushels againe and then stole one bushell for toll * He was the 40 th King after Brute he Raigned before Christs ' birth 171. yeares The Annagram of Waterman is A TREW MAN The Wherâ—yes were wont to haue all the Whores Till the Coaches Robd them of their Custom It is cald a Kicksie winsie or a Lerrio cunâ—â—wang To whom I in all humillity must euer acknowledg my obedience and dutiful Thankfulnes and seruice I have 700. Billes of their hands which in all coâ—â—es to neer 00. l. The trade of Thieuing is very profitable to many men Or none at all Run thiefe Runne Platarch Hen. 1. Rich. 2. Edw. 3. Edw. 2. There is odâ— betwixt a Keeper a Iaylor the Stationer keepes Bookes against his wil the Iaylor holdes Thieues with his will
AN Arrant Thiefe Whom Euery Man may Trust In Word and Deed Exceeding true and Iust. WITH A Comparison betweene a Thiefe and a Booke Written by Iohn Taylor LONDON Printed by Edw All-de for Henry Gosson and are to bee solde in Panier-Alley 1622. THis Water Rat or Art I would commend But that I know not to begin or end He read his Verses to me and which more is Did moue my Muse to write Laudem Authoris If for his Land Discoueries she should praise him Whether would then his liquid knowledge raise him Reade his two Treatises of Theefe and Whore You le thinke it time for him to leaue his Oare Yet thus much of his worth I cannot smother T is well for vs when Theeues peach one another This Preface is but poore 't is by a Boy done That is a Scholler of the Schoole of Croydon Who when he hath more yeares and learning got Hee 'l praise him more or lesse or not a jot Giuen vpon Shroue Tuesday from our seate in the second Forme of the famous free Schoole of Croydon By RICHARD HATTON WHen a Fresh Waterman doth turne Salt Poet His Muse must prattle all the world must know it Of Whores and Theiues he writes two merry Bookes He loues them both I know it by his lookes Alas I wrong him blame my Muse not mee She neuer spake before and rude may bee Giuen from the lowe estate of the fift Forme neere to the Schoole doore at Croydon beforesaid By GEORGE HATTON TO THE HOPEFVLL PAIRE OF BRETHREN and my worthy Patrones Master RICHARD and GEORGE HATTON Loue Learning and true Happines YOur Muses th' one a Youth and one an Infant Gaue me two Panegericks at one Instant The first Pen the first line it pleasd to walke in Did make my Art a Rat and like Grimalkin Or a kinde needfull Vermin-coursing Cat By Art I play but will not eate your Rat. I thanke you that you did so soone determine To Annagram my Art into a Vermine For which I vow if e're you keepe a Dayrie Of now and then a Cheese I will impaire yee Kinde Mr. George your Muse must be exalted My Poetry you very well haue salted Salt keepes thinges sweet make them rellish sauory And you haue powdred well my honest kna c. I thanke you to nor will I be ingratefull Whilest Rime or Reason deignes to fill my patefull You truely say that I loue Whores and Thieues well And halfe your speech I think the world belieues well For should I hate a Theefe Theeues are so Common I well could neither loue my selfe or no man But for Whores loue my purse would neuer hold out They 'l heate and picke the Siluer and the Gold out You both haue grac'd my Thiefe he bath confessed You like two Shrieues conuay'd him to be Pressed In mirth you write to me on small Requesting For which I thanke you both in harmlesse Iesting And may your Studies to such goodnes raise you That God may euer loue and good men praise you Yours when you will where you will in what you will as you will with your will again your will at this time at all time at all times or someâ—times in pastimes IOHN TAYLOR To any Reader He or Shee It makes no matter what they bee WHen you open this first leafe Imagine you are come within the doore of my house where according as you behaue your selues you are Courteously welcome or you may lay downe the Booke and goe the same way you came the flattering of Readers or begging their acceptance is an argument that the ware is scarce good which the Author meanes to vtter or that it is a Cheape yeare of wit and his lyes vpon his handes which makes him pittifully like a Supliant to begin Honorably Complaineth to your Humblenes 't is but mistaken the first should be last Some men haue demanded of me why I doe write vpon such sleight Subiects as the Praise of Hempseed The Trauailes of Twelue-pence Taylors Goose. The Antiquity of Begging A Cormorant A CoÌ„mon Whore And now an arrant Thiefe â—o whom I answer heere that many Graue and excellent Writers haue imployed their Studyes to good purposes in as triuiall matters as my selfe and I am assured that the meaner the subiect is the better the Inuention must bee for as Tom Nash said euery Foole can fetch Water out of the Sea or picke Corne out of full Sheaues but to wringâ— Oyle out of Flint or make a plentifull Haruest with little or no Seede that 's the Workman but that 's not I. And Gentlemen as I lately sent you a Whore that was honest so I haue now sent you a Thiefe that will neuer Rob you nor picke your Pockets of more then you are willing to part with all Yours at all good times IOHN TAYLOR A THIEFE I Lately to the world did send a Whore And she was welcom though she was but poore And being so it did most strange appeere That pouerty found any welcome heere But when I saw that many Rich men sought My Whore with their coine her freedom bought I mus'd but as the cause I out did ferrit â— found some Rich in Purse some poore in merrit Some learned Schollers some that scarse could spell Yet all did loue an honest Whore right well T was onely such as those that entertaind hir Whilst scornful Knaues wides Fooles disdaind hir Now to defend her harmels Innocence I send this Thiefe to be her Iust defence Against all truemen and I le vndertake There are not many that dare answer make Then Rowze my Muse be valiant and be briefe Be confident my true and constant Thiefe Thy Trade is scatt'red vniuersally Throughout the spacious worlds Rotundity For all estates and functions great and small Are for the most part Thieues ingenerall Excepting Millers Weauers Taylers and Such true trades as no stealing vnderstand Thou art a Thiefe my Booke and being so Thou findst thy fellowes wheresoeu'r thou goe Birds of a feather still will hold together And all the world with thee are of a feather The ods is thou art a Thiefe by nomination And most of men are Thieues in their vocation Thou neither dost cog Cheate steale sweare or lye Or gather'st goods by false dishonesty And thou shalt liue when many of the Crue Shall in a Halter bid the world Adue And now a thought into my minde doth fall To proue whence Thieues haue their originall I finde that Iupiter did wantonly On Maya get a sonne call'd Mercurye To whom the people oft did Sacrifice Accounting him the God of Marchandize Of Elloquence and rare inuention sharpe And that he first of all deuisd the Harpe The God of Tumblers Iuglers fooles Iesters Of Thieues and fidlers that the earth bepesters Faire Venus was his Sister and I finde He was to her so much vnkindely kinde That hee on her begat Hermophrodite As Ouid very wittily doth write His wings on head and
skill An honest Common wealth both poll and pill These fellowes steale secure as they were Millers And are substanciall men their Countries Pillers Purloyning polers or the Barbars Rather That shaue a Kingdome Cursed wealth to gather These Pillers or these Caterpillers swarmes Grow Rich and purchase Goods by others harmes And liue like Feinds extreamely fear'd and hated And are and shal be euer execrated A King of Britaine once Catellus nam'd Vpon Record his Charity is fam'd His Iustice and his memory was so Ample He hang'd vp all opressors for example If that Lawe once againe were in request Then of all trades a Hangman were the best These are the Broode of Barrabas and these Can Rob and be let loose againe at ease Whilst Christ in his poore members euery day Doth suffer through their Theaft and pine away And sure all men of whatsoere degree Of Science Art or Trade or mysterie Or occupation whatsoere they are For truth cannot with Watermen compare I know ther 's some obiections may be made How they are Rude vnciuill in their trade â—ut that is not the question I propounde â— say no Theaft can in the Trade be founde Our greatest foes by no meanes can Reueale Which way we can deceiue or cheate or steale We take men in and Land them at their pleasure And neuer bate them halfe an Inch of measure Still at one price our selues we waste and weare Though all things else be mounted double deare And in a word I must Conclude and say A Waterman can be a Thiefe no way Except one way which I had halfe forgot He now and then perhaps may Rob the pot Steale himselfe Drunke and be his owne Purspicker And Chimically turnes his Coyne to Liquer This is almost a Vniuersall Theaft A portion Fathers to their Sonnes haue left Men are begot and doe like their begetters And Watermen doe learne it of their betters Ther 's nothing that doth make them poore and bare But cawse they are such true men as they are For if they would but steale like other men The Gallowes would deuoure them now and then Whereby their number quickly would be lesse Which to their wants would be a good redresse Their pouerty doth from their truth proceede Their way to thriue were to be Thieues indeede If they would steale and hang as others doe Those that suruiue it were a healpe vnto Truth is their trade and truth doth keepe them poore But if their truth were lesse their wealth were more All sortes of men worke all the meanes they can To make a Thiefe of euery Water-man And as it were in one consent they ioyne To trot by land i' th' dirt and saue their Coyne Carroaches Coaches Iades and Flanders Mares Doe rob vs of our shares our wares our Fares Against the ground we stand and knocke our heeles Whilest all our profit runnes away on wheeles And whoseuer but obserues and notes The great increase of Coaches and of Boates Shall finde their number more then e're they were By halfe and more within these Thirty yeare Then Watermen at Sea had seruice still And those that stay'd at home had worke at will Then vpstart Helcart-Coaches were to seeke A man could scarce see Twenty in a weeke But now I thinke a man may dayly see More then the Whirryes on the Thames can be When Queene Elizabeth came to the Crowne A Coach in England then was scarcely knowne Then 't was as rare to see one as to spy A Tradesman that had neuer tolde a lye But now like plagues of Aegipt they doe swarme As thicke as Frogs or Lice vnto our harme For though the King the Counsell and such States As are of high Superiour ranckes and rates For port or pleasure may their Coaches haue Yet 't is not fit that euery Whore or Knaue And fulsome Madams and new scuruy Squires Should Iolt the Streets in pomp at their desires Like great Tryumphant Tamberlaines each day Drawne with the pamper'd Iades of Belgia That almost all the streets are choak'd out-right Where men can hardly passe from morne 'till night Whilest Watermen want worke and are at ease To Carry one another if they please Or else sit still and poorely starue and dye For all their liuings on foure Wheeles doe flye Good Reader thinke it not too long or much That I thus amply on this point doe tutch Now we are Borne we would our worke apply To labour and to liue vntil we Dye And we could liue well but for Coaches Thieuing That euery Day doe rob vs of our liuing If we by any meanes could learne the skill To rob the Coachmen as they rob vs still Then in the Sessions booke it would appeare They would be hang'd fiue hundred in a yeare Besides it is too manifestly Knowne They haue the Sadlers Trade almost o'rethrowne And the best Leather in our Kingdome they Consume and waste for which poore men doe pay Our Bootes and Shooes to such high price they reare That all our profit can buy none to weare â— in Bohemia saw that all but Lords Or men of worth had Coaches drawne with Cords And I my Necke vnto the Rope would pawne That if our Hackney Ratlers were so drawne With Cords or Ropes or Halters chuse yee whether It quickly would bring downe the price of Leather Then Watermen should haue more worke I hope When euery Hireling Coach drawne with a Rope Would make our Gallants stomack at the matter And now and then to spend their Coyne by water Without all flattery here my minde I breake The Prouerb saies giue loosers leaue to speake They Carry all our Fares and make vs poore That to our Boates we scarce can get a Whore Some honest men and women now and then Will spend their moneyes amongst Watermen But we are growne so many and againe Our fares so few that little is our gaine Yet for all this to giue the Deuill his due Our honest trade can no wayes be vntrue If some be rude amongst the multitude 'T is onely want of worke that makes them Rude 'T is want of money and of Manners to That makes them do as too too oft they doe And euery good thing that in them is scant It still must be Imputed to their want But leauing true men I must turne my stile To paltry Thieues whose Glory is their guile For thrice three hundred of them from one tooke Some of them ready money some a Booke And set their hands to Billes to pay to me When I from Scotland should returned be Crouns Pounds or Angels what thy pleas'd to writ I haue their fists to shewe in blacke and white And after that I to Bohemia went And gaue out money and much money spent And for these things those Thieues Ingenerall Will neither giue me gaine or Principall â— lately wrought a Pamphlet to the Crue â—hat spake their due for keeping of my due Wherein I gaue them thankes that had me paide â—nd