Sects are more inclin'd to favour Popery whatever their Clamours may be to the contrary than to encourage the Church and vote for the Defence of it For my part I 'll try what Service I can do in pursuing this Method 1. Enquire out the Author 2. Discover the Errors of the Book 3. Bring our Cause to a fair Trial. 4. Determine according to Truth 1. First For the Author 'T is hard to find out who this Friend Henry is whether Quaker or not If I own the Truth he was a wise and honest Man and were it not in hopes of securing Voices by People's Ignorance I cou'd heartily wish all English-men knew and consider'd so much as he has written O Interest Interest I cannot like any thing that crosses Thee Plain Dealing 's a Jewel but have a care of the latter part of that known Proverb Why should any Man create Enemies to himself Had he not medled with our Diana and the Crafts-men to expose them had not he defended Monarchy Episcopacy and the Whole Religion and Government of the Church of England at such a conjuncture in which we are contriving to subvert 'em I cou'd have more freely excus'd and pardon'd that Author Now we must wait long enough for a Republick we have been plagu'd with Bishops for above Sixteen hundred Years already and 't is to be doubted we shall ne'er get rid of 'em while the World endures We have blacken'd the Church with more than bare Suspicions of Popery and must never again use that Trick to deceive the People All the Dissenters in the Kingdom if they understand Sense and the force of Argument must confess that the Church of England is Orthodox and Apostolical and that no just Imputation of Popery can be fastned on her I desire the Author in his next Edition to abate something of his Virgin Modesty in concealing his Name and Residence The Hornets may buzz about but cannot sting him or if they do he has many Friends Men of Honour Art and Integrity to take care that the Venom may not prove Mortal The Danger is not worth naming when the Religion-Broker is so pleas'd with his Gainful Recipe that he offers Twenty Pounds in Requital Mr. Maggot seems concern'd that the Author wou'd not give him leave to be grateful Our Knight extravagantly promises a Full Bottle of the Best and to give him the Honour of seeing the Parliament for his Reward The Church-men are more oblig'd for those convincing Reasons on their side which require some Time and Skill to answer Porringer and Mouth may be excus'd for Charity 's grown cold among their quondam Benefactors If a Woman one of the Fair Sex as some say was the Author and is as lovely in Body as Mind our good Members earnestly desire to be most intimately acquainted with her If Law Divinity and Physick as most think were engag'd in this Composure w' are over-match'd by far All we can do besides This Trial is by way of Recrimination which will neither invalidate the Book nor extenuate our own Faults Truth will prevail We may endeavour to blemish their Reputations attempt to render these Gentlemen as immoral and vile as we are yet without all peradventure the Envy Hatred Malice Lying Spiritual-Pride Beastiality Deceit and Treachery too commonly approv'd and practis'd among Dissenters do by as many Grains out-weigh the smaller Infirmities and Failures of the Church of England as the solemn and deliberate Crimes of riper Years do the Extravagancies of inadverting Youth Whoever was the Composer we shall hardly dance after his Pipe He has set a fairer Copy than the Dissenters of Scydromedia will transcribe in one day In compliance with their Temper I 'll try if I can spoil the Musick blot and blur the Book to make it less valuable For though I cannot discover the Author I have found out 2. Secondly The Errours of the Book which I intend to bring in as Evidence against it I should begin at the wrong End a preposterous Method is most agreeable to all our Proceedings 'T is very true of Making Books there 's no End This is not the first time our choice Friends have been read in Print and cannot be the last I doubt not but we shall daily afford fresh Matter for ingenious Men or Women to try their Wits on Oh! If we had truly fear'd God and kept his Commandments we had never been troubled to answer this Untoward Book It may not be judg'd a Matter of Imprudence in entring first upon the Conclusion of it there being but here and there a little in the Body and substantial Part but what 's too firm and unanswerable However at present we 'll call it a silly vain scurrillous Pamphlet meriting not so much Regard as the bare reading it amounts to let the Church-men say what they will of the Validity of its Arguments of the Truth of its History That this Conference has done the Church of England Right and the Inhabitants of Scydromedia no Wrong there are yet some Errata's or Mistakes to be retracted or amended in the next Edition else by my Consent it shall never pass Muster amongst the Saints But for the better Satisfaction of the World and that Truth and Justice may take place the COURT has impanell'd a Jury of several Persuasions that the Book with the Persons and Matters therein represented may have fair Play The Jury indifferently chosen are Five Church-men Four Presbyterians Four Independents and Four Quakers Honest Men and True stand together and hear your Charge viz. Judge A late bold Pamphlet call'd The Best Choice for Religion and Government written in favour of Church and King questioning the Reputation of the Saints under the Names of Latitudinarians Presbyterians Independents Seekers c. who have here put themselves upon this Trial of Truth You are to enquire therefore without Favour or Malice Whether Guilty or not Guilty And to take special Care before Verdict given That you duly and impartially consider the Matters and Things urg'd on both Sides that Sentence may pass accordingly You Gentlemen of the Jury I am farther to inform you that the Matters in Question are Matters of Fact whereof You are the proper Judges Attend then First To the Evidence for the Saints drawn out of the Errours and Insufficiencies of that Book no less than Fourteen of ' em Mr. Mouth complains of the Book for Flattery and Untruth His Father was no Committee-Man in the late Blessed Times of Plunder and Rapine He was one of your honest Sequestrators one of those conscientious Men that first seiz'd and then took away the Goods of Church and Kingdom Religiously converting them to better and more holy Uses leaving a well-gotten Inheritance to his Children We have an English Proverb Bless'd is the Son whose Father goes to the Devil true enough of such Fathers who swell'd with Pride hardned with other Vices and given over to Invincible Prejudice Invincible Perverseness do seldom end with True
Family within the Kingdom the first Offence Five Pound the second Ten the third to suffer One whole Year's Imprisonment without Bail or Mainprise This had been hard indeed if the Saints had not done it But they were encourag'd by Honest Cromwel who publish'd an Order Novemb. 24. 1655. That no Person who had been sequestred for Delinquency been in Arms against the Parliament adhered to abetted or assisted the Forces rais'd against them should keep in their Houses or Families as Chaplains or Schoolmasters for the Education of their Children any sequestred or ejected Minister Fellow of a Colledge or School-master nor permit any of their Children to be brought up by such That no such Person of the Church of England shou'd any where administer Baptism or the Lord's Supper or Marry any Persons under some strange and hard Penalties which I think improper to mention and I hope our Judges will not insist upon that Point for then our Argument falls to the Ground our loud Complaints of Suffering must perfectly cease I have ever admir'd the Wisdom and Policy of the Dissenting Guides in this as in many other things like that of the Romish Clergy To keep the People in Darkness not permitting them to know the Truth or read the Books that have been written in defence of it no not so much as to acquaint themselves with the Common Prayers to understand them and all that while the unknowing People might rail with a better Grace with some shew of Honesty because they not erring against Knowledge their wilful Ignorance may be some tho' a very lame excuse for their Separation from the Church of England 'T is needless to multiply Particulars I might in the Presbyterian Mode increase the Number to Two and fortiethly when all might be reduc'd to three or four Heads If I 'm not much mistaken the Book will be sufficiently baffled when I have added one more which I take to be Instar omnium viz. How unconcluding and inconsequent is it to say That because such and such Members have many notorious Faults therefore the Dissenters ought not to Vote for them Alas the Saints themselves are not free from Vices of the same kind tho' they don't own them and so the most corrupt Members are the most agreeable Persons to understand their Secrets to be entrusted with their Designs To say A Man's bad as bad as may be and offer that as a Reason against the Dissenters Electing him is altogether as improper as to deny Birds of a Feather their natural Society For if the Blood and Treasure extorted by them the Spoils and Ravages of the late War the enslaving and oppressing all Ranks of Men and what 's above all the horrible Murder of an excellent incomparable Prince amount not so high as to be accounted any Sin what can it signifie to be corporally Vile To be guilty of that common that venial Sin of Uncleanness among them But lest this duller heavy Trot of Prose shou'd tire the Patience of our prudent Judges be pleas'd to take The Vindication of the Saints in this smoother and more delightful Amble of a late Poet. Listen Dear Holy my Beloved Friends To th'cutting Scandals our Opponent sends And join with me t' assist our Burrough's Knight Let 's vindicate our Members to our Might It cuts to th' quick to see our Corporation Carry the Looks of Shame and Lamentation We 'll not stand still to see our Enemy batter Our Tow'ry Castles and our Knights bespatter For if we dare but make one Sally out Wormly and Ware will send Recruits no doubt What tho' our Knight a burning Letcher be What if his Son 's to th' full as bad as he What tho' our famous Porringer-Publican To tamper with the squeamish Maid began And our Ware Friend the Pharisaick Scot A Meal as well as Malt-Prize would have got And run away forthwith Pray Sirs why not For Lust and ripe Deceit are sav'ry Spices With us not singly season'd grant 'em Vices Suppose his Worship Mr. Openmouth To serve a Turn swears flatly North is South If Master Maggot and old Drugs Ponteus From plaguy Popery pretend to free us Tho' they are often forc'd to trim to buckle And to the vilest Shifts sometimes to truckle What tho' enlightned Friends for once comply To th' Substance and the outward Form deny To keep up Trade and Christian Liberty What tho' the ven'mous Brazen Serpent vote For 's wealthy Lodger Tho' he 'd cut his Throat If 't was not by that means to gain a Groat When Coin runs thin when Times are hard and pinching From hungry Justice then methinks best flinching The Scot by vig'rous Praying turn'd the Penny For Women largely drop when they have any Some ask Why all this Privacy in Prayer Why pretty Cousin and a Sister fair In one House might not holy Notes compare Some fulsome rank Hypocrisie can smell In a Religion stooping to the Tail But to my wiser Friends I now appeal Shou'd Pray'r or Sanctity be made A Tool to work lascivious Ends Both Bad but sure his midnight Trade Abuses less the sober Friends For every one does not espy The Husband put to By by by When Fowl and Gravy-Sauce appears In pious Lust up to the Ears Nor yet the pretty Dance he takes When Ware Chimes the Musick makes When Friday night is thought the best To play fine Pranks 'bove all the rest The watchful Wives set ope Back-doors To be his Proselytes and Whores So paying off the Men's old Scores Whilst they securely lodge above Attending on their Barely-Jove Pity another brisk young Squire Flask'd away Five Pounds like Wild-fire To build this Holy Scot an Hive To make his Bees the faster thrive And ne'er once come to tuste the Honey Shedd smelt so rank of Smock and Money Besides he heard from trusty Scout Of the Rencounter that fell out As Questions and Commands i' th' Field The Ladies being forc'd to yield So truly give his Worship 's due In time he prudently withdrew Cuckoldry might have been his Fate His Off-spring mungrelliz'd Estate Might dwindled be into decay Whilst Wife and sharping Gamsters play Ah Scot thy Handkerchief can't dry All Tears that fall from lustful Eye Ye knew his Country-Predecessor Was such a Sanctity-Professor His Love one Object must out-ride He then on two Wives got astride Witness the Wades-Mill Evidence Who had it from a Lard of Sence Nay as their Pastors so their Flock Place all their Comfort in the Smock Incestuous Opportunity Made one with his Wife's Sister lie Another Saint to London went With Country-Diet not content Nor being us'd to Town-Intrigue Gave such Discov'ries of the League That tho' he had secur'd his Whore Came Towns-man knocking at the Door Your Business Sir who want you here Are you not 'pray mistaken Sir Says shame-fac'd Miss With that dash'd in Friend Tarr and under Bed of Sin Found Fornicator The Daughter of an Indian Weed With many more in place
Government therein establish'd Be you unbyas'dly true to that Church lay aside all those unhappy Feuds and Animosities which these English Jesuits the Dissenters have rais'd amongst you Meet often understand one another maintain a friendly Correspondence with all that have any Favour for this Church Agree as one Man in every Publick Election And let those who are to serve in Parliament be sure constantly to attend on that Trust repos'd in 'em not to receive the Honour only but faithfully to do the Service for which they are chosen not by absenting or any inadvertency to leave the Church to the Mercy of those Men who whilst their Master is roaming about sit still there seeking whom they may devour Let all honest Churchmen favour and encourage the Conformable Clergy set a good Example to their Tenants and Neighbours to fill the Churches Serve your King and Country with all chearfulness Let no Mans Estate or Quality raise him above the Care of seeing Justice duly administred lest by forcing the Government to find Magistrates and Juries among inferiour illiterate and ill-principled Men you venture your Rights and Liberties Estates Religion and Lives more valuable than Ease in very dangerous Hands Nothing can be carry'd against you nor to the prejudice of King or Church if you appear for your selves and them Remember once more that Dissenters are ever for dividing of you and by your Divisions to encrease their own Party that so often as you differ on any Publick Occasions so often you disable the Church and weaken your own Interest Can it be any Fault to use the same Policy for preserving the Best Churoh in the World which the several Sectaries use to advance themselves by They unite and besides that they rarely lay out any Money but with those of their own Party So the Donatists upheld their Separation from the Church and kept their Party fast together by Trading only within themselves by employing none to Till their Grounds or be their Stewards but those that wou'd be of their Side nay sometimes hiring Persons by large Sums to be baptiz'd into their Party as Crispin did the People of Mapalia How evident is the same Policy among our modern Quakers It needs neither Proof nor Observation Independency was a Faction not matter of Conscience needy broken decay'd Men who knew not how to live and hop'd to get something became Sticklers for it Thus it was in the Late Times and thus it is Now. Look into the Trading Part of the Nation and he must be an heedless and indiligent Observer that does not take notice how Interests are form'd and by what Methods Parties and Factions are kept up How many thousands of the poorer sort of Dissenters depend on this or that Man for their Work Livelihood and Subsistence how many depend on others for Trade and Custom whom accordingly these Leading Men can readily produce to give Votes and encrease Parties on all Publick Occasions And which is no less remarkable what very small Encouragement any Man finds from them that once deserts 'em and comes over to the Church of England If we that are Gentlemen and all that wish well to the Church wou'd cease to enrich our Opposers by Trading or Dealing with them but wou'd unanimously agree to Encourage our Friends by dealing with no others We shou'd never lose the Day at any Election nor need any more Laws to bring Men to Church For the Dissenters wou'd soon grow weary of their ungainful their unprofitable Separation Here ends the TRIAL Court Huzza Huzza Church and King Church and King THE EPILOGUE WHen truest busie Fame all o'er Such Rumours spread ne'er heard before From Stew or Pit from Carp and Cage Unless in Conventickling Age Old Putt and Tickler slily came I an ancient Town with fine new Name Thinking at sight to have subdu'd The noisie talking Multitude Or by their known Dissimulation To Milk or Ride the Corporation Else if in Charter but one Flaw To make all void by Dint of Law But Good Old Cause the Devil 's in 't And Members too appear'd in Print Prevailing Truth that plaguy Book With this Impartial Jury took And Stranger yet the Cause when try'd 'T is thought not one forswore or ly'd Safely I swear Whoever writ it Did to all Sorts and Sizes fit it Left nought untouch't not am'rous Oak Disguising Periwig or Cloak Bold Pyrate Chamber-Practice Rape Cou'd not that Author's Pen escape The Sober Party justly fitted Lost is their Cause the Church acquitted Cast and condemn'd the Whiggs are crost With Grief and sore Amazement tost 'T is vain to boast of Innocence Or colour Vileness with Pretence Say ye Sir Say ye one Saint cry'd We never more shall stem the Tide Not all our Violence and Spite Can take away the Churches Right If Judge Sincere and Jury Loyal We 'll never move for second Trial. How well-advis'd the Bell-man lurks Shunning to try his Water-works While some perhaps of blest intent Are doom'd to suffer Banishment Be gone then Hotspurs cross the Main Freach up Presbytery in Spain Why shou'd your Bond of Conscience be By Inquisition 's Danger free Bewitching Elymas no more Thy Thievish Porringor adore Tell Pope this Truth Thy Cant and Whine Are Friends to Rome Then he 'll be thine There great Reward thou maist obtain Till Mischief sends thee back again Mouth who canst bellow bray or bark And speak all Lingua 's of the Ark Go among Wolves and Tygers go On these thy mighty Gifts bestow Creatures of Reason better know Let Maggot never turn to Fly More generate or multiply Lest he proud Swarms of Insects breed That may this Sheepish Nation bleed Ne'er out of Fleece once shew thy Head Till we conclude The Maggot 's dead Ponteus purge Presbyter John Much griev'd with Superstition Swell'd with a Tympany of Pride And damn'd ill Qualities beside Give him a swinging Dose repeat Till thou hast made the Cure compleat However carry on the Cheat. Friend Henry Thou of all the rest Deserv'st to be accounted Best Stay Friend Thou hast the Churches Voice The Wise and Good applaud thy Choice No Church-Whiggs or Dissenters Crew None but the honest Church-man's true None else give God and King their Due FINIS Sal. lib. 3. Sir H. Ch. See the Case of Elections stated * Case Vid. Case Errour 1. Errour 2. Errour 3. Errour 4. Errour 5. Errour 6. Errour 7. Errour 8. Errour 9. Errour 10. Errour 11. Errour 12. Errour 14. A new Poem In Imitation of Hudibras D. Crisp p. 274 275. Ruth on Dan. 6. xxvi before the Commons in the Year 43. 2 Tim. 4. 5. Vid. Catalog and Discovery of Errours Vid. View of Troubles 2d Part Edw. Gan. Edw. Gangr Jenkyns Serm. 46. 1648. Vid. The Lawfulness of hearing the Publick Ministry by Mr. Nye Mr. Robinson c. See Mr. Corbet 's Nonconformist's Plea for Lay-Communion Mr. Marshal Hist Indep Dionysius the good Bishop of Alexandria Vid. Euseb l. 6. c. 45. Cypr. de Unit Eccl. fol. 181 182. Synecdoche est cum totum ponitur pro parte aut pars pro toto Numerus singularis pro plurali Numerus pluralis pro singulari Vossius lib. 4. c. 6. Lev. 20. 27. 1 Kings 22. 22. Isa 19. 14. Mar. 9. 25. 2 Th. 2. 11. Joh. 14. 17. Rom. 1. 4 18. Eph. 4. 3 4. 1 Cor. 4. 12. Isa 11. 2. 1 John 4. 6. Heb. cap. 5 6 7. Impudentia pro telo Ignorantia pro scuto Exod. 39. 10 11 12 13. A Vindication of the Presbyterian Government 1649. p. 130. Instit lib. 4. Sect. 10 11 12. fol. 349. Matt. 15. 6 7 8. Vid. Aug. Ep. 173. ad Crisp * Scydromedia