datum 13. mense Anni Platonici 1666. Anno Bestiae Bis Tibi vale Upon the Author Daphne secure of the buff Prethee laugh Yet at these four and their riff raff Who can hold When so bold And the trim wit of Coopers green hill Should piss now in every commoÌ„ squirters quill And his old prais'd Fancies kill Denham thou'lt be shrewdly shent To invent Such Drawlery for merriment And tak'st a heart To bear a part With three of most unequal pitiful fire Not fit to be enter'd in the grave Wit-quire A drawing Donne out of the mire Canto the second or rather Cento the first ALl in the Land of Bembo and of Bubb Frank Harris help me on this pocky rub How shall we doe now Jack a doggs is dead To get Tom Coriat decent buried T is fit the man that Travell'd had so much And rode a stride the vessell in High Dutch Should have a place to lay his head if he Were but dead drunk as he was us'd to be Is there no Art ho nor Commencement nigh Mutton I smell Vacation Pullets ply Toward Trumpington and Shottover a hill Neer Bellosyte hath at each end a Mill But what news from America Dost hold We shall have both our pockets full of Gold To buy us Turke-pies alas 't is hot Good Iack supply the Club and give's a Pot. Does not that Gentleman upon the Bench Love Smoak nor Sack then let him have a Wench All palates pleas'd a Scot will eat no Swine Men will eat men Reckabites drinke no Wine Hey day where are we what all-a-mort I thought we had been jeering Gondibert What is all this protest 't is wondrous good But better it were farre if understood Now 't is as plain as nose not in my face When that I rose from stool I lost my place Then face about or in more homely geere Noses revert be where your Arses were ' Uds Fish and Egs that is no swearing yet What shall we do we 'r in a deadly sweat We have got In Ano Feavor Good Kings Daughter Set on a Posnet make some Parley-water Or if you please Panada make in skellit Let not men of nose come near they 'l smell it And let it boyle three pints unto a half Then let it coole and give 't a Durham Calf Or these Calabrian Swine or Padan Goats But be ye sure sweet Princess of your Coats O tie 'um up behind or skewit tuck 'um For fear these Lads from off your Buttocks pluck 'um O arm your self for they 're adventrous fellows And commonly stav'd off with Tongs or Bellows Or break their heads with some good Cherry-stone 'T will beat them off the pit 't is ten to one Though they be cruel Cockers strike they 're marr'd And will run out and not a man die hard But if they should hold Astrayon has Clyster But pray what he with Owl upon his fist here O 't is a present to be shar'd 'twixt four The Jesses and the Hood to two no more The Eyes and Beak to two 't is fit This have we For our old Fustian your new-made Poll-Davie Thus farre out of our wits now let 's be in our senses 1. The Sun was sunk into the watry lap Of her commands the waves and weary there Of his long journey took a pleasing nap To ease his each daies travels all the year 2. Zanthus is safely said forrage to yeild For his bright Coursers with their flaming hoofs No no Elisium is too bare a field They quarter where they run in the same roofs 3. Yet do they seem to rest that is are fled From th' inclosure of our Hemisphere And to be down we say is gone to bed But they do lie in truth we know not where 4. When Gondibert and Birtha joyn'd that night And reap'd the pleasure of expectant Brides They did not sleep nor would they if they might But kept the Ephialtes from her strides 5. Forbear to speak the rest the modest Bed Did shake to think what then was got lost The Curtaines blush'd that is were very red While she was thaw'd that still that night was frost 6. Old Astragon as Fathers gladly use A Caudle brought next morning early And joy'd his daughter but she could not choose But snob and made it richer that is Pearly 7. Not that she wept 'cause she had chang'd her name But teares you know with them are too too common It was to think what time sh' had lost blames Her self she had no sooner put on Woman I am beholding but not to this D. Donne for that Stout Gnodibert grown stiffer by those teares For she imbrac'd the Man that invers'd Tree So that for certain he nere hung his eares But thrash'd and took for a Walnut Birtha she Where is the Fustian and the Bombast In your own Doublets sure compleat To Daphne on his incomparable and by the Critick incomprehended Poem Gondibert CHear up dear friend a Laureat thou must be Nay in this name entituled to the Tree Gather you Infant-wits loose Bayes from hence And weare it when you write like him high sense Homer would wish his eyes again to see To mend his Verses by thy Poetry Nor would the Chesher and smooth Mantuan Deny the praises of so brave a Man Rather if living he would D'avenant sing And in alternate muse thy merit ring Ovid would be so far from minde of those That he would gladly lend thee part of 's nose Sad of thy least Defect and spight of us For thee would write a new De Tristibus Tasso and Petrach and his Laura too Will throw off Modesty and the Bayes wooe Apollo call a Counsell make an Act And let their Verses with the Cords be packt And their 4 names be placâ—t but never higher On the 4 Toms of which the Club is Squire Whilst thou whale Gondibert shalt feast thy dish Such as these shabs shruks sea calfs sword fish Let the whole shoale of lesser Pamphlets swim As the Wit-frye Secur'd alone in him An Essay in explanation to Mr. Hobbs c. Canter the 2d 1. ILl Men and Poets are by number known Fit to consume qd he both Corn Wine Then judge which is the bad her 's four for one Foul play in verse my friends But give um line 2. O hopefull Inigo towardly old man That know'st so much that Daphne nere knew letter Oxford him bred Paris brought up Who can And the Globe clapt his Playes who can do better 3. Rime feet of Reason was his studied Art Rimes that are grasp'd by you in Divels claw Rimes Lycambaean full of Salt and Tart Tar that will burn the fingers shirt and straw 4. To sublime Reason Nature's inmate Art Did Rimes as Varnish to her house devise Rubbish lies under the rar'd plaister-part That is rough reason couch'd but not to th' wise 5. Now since the Law must clear both us and you Your neck verses perchance y' have had already For the first faults you know we hang but few Then take the book read old Nick speed ye On Gondibert CLap on thy Close-stoole apted for A Upon thy head march a rare mock Mars How strong the Poet smells good Sir impart Did you not slice at name of Gondibert With your own verses clense your tripe A proper taile-clout wipe for wipe Cockle-de-moys for the Poets Hot-cockles HOt-cockles are but childrens toyes No more my friends are Cockle-de moys We 'le play at both but who shall lie Recant and Poem late wrote high Amount unto a Book Lie faire you As you did lately and I le spare you Reach me a Ferula perhaps The clawing hand slights our fist-claps For wearing Buff but never fighting Fouling Paper in the writing For whatsoere y' have donne be Smell to my hand Sir what so coy Close 't is best a Cocle-de-moy Come Donne come neerer with your nose How nice 't is but to pluck a Rose Better do thus then go to th' Crowes Has Denham smelt He 's very ill Let him be breath'd on Cooper's hill Draw neer you fourth Rhinoceros This for your Verses and your Prose While it was made I chanc'd to whistle That take too for your learned Epistle If Mr Sheriff your Wits did stir up That is two scruples more of Syrup In Physick I le requite your pains And thank you all my K in grains If Astragon hath not enough Tantablin shall afford you stuff What 's here Church Gradus without Organs Blomesbury S. Katharine's Covent cum Finsbury Garden Canon no Christ-Church Venery Bangher Aclap Epithites that will serve foure Appellative and four proper Nouns or more Drolling Insipid Sarcustick Damned Heroick Lumbery Bombasted Fustian Hauty Pecking Upon the Authors writing his name as in the Title of the Booke D'Avenant 1. YOur Wits have further than you rode You needed not to have gone abroad D'avenant from Avon comes Rivers are still the Muses Rooms Dort knows our name no more Durt on 't An 't be but for that D'avenant 2. And when such people are restor'd A thing belov'd by none that whor'd My noches then may not appeare The gift of healing will be neer Meane while I le seeke some Panax salve of Clowns Shall heal the wanton Issues and crackt Crowns I will conclude Farewell Wit Squirty Fegos And drolling gasmen Wal-Den-De-Donne-Dego FINIS
throwes in this do please When that in Parsley-bed it sees Bully-Gondibertiades 20. Then let these Rimers now approve And say thou art their lash above Princes fight by thee and Queens love Upon the continuation of Gondibert OVid to Patmos pris'ner sent His Book to Rome without him went And though that D'avenant was confin'd The world to Gondibert was kind And by his worth so pleaded we See Gondibert set D'avenant free The power that laid the man by th' heeles Took bayle of 's feet for all the ills His Habeas Corpus now is granted Prethee no more of a nose scanted And why good Knight are we severe Because we would the Stages cleare Of Gods invoak'd and Pegasus Abuse us still good Poet thus How gallant Massey grown of late As if the man were Massey-plate But how could ever Gyges ring Have hoysted Davenant on the wing When that the ring did not convey But keep invisible we say The person on the place 't is worse The rings mistook for Pacolets horse He lay not there no not an houre No sooner was thy work at Tower But Davenant was releas'd we know it The man was pardon'd for the Poet But how comes Daphne in It followes Daphnes are alwayes neere Apollos The Muses we know are such The Tower can't hold but that do's much Nay the Muse holds our Muses now Scarce your prime Wit can scape yet how I le tell you may be safe from danger Write as you doe sans wit in anger Friend If you have indeed abus'd Homer and Virgil as accus'd Let these withdraw the action And make them satisfaction For Gondibert I nere did see The Book my friends too dear for me How come you now to offend the Bard Of lofty fame and name full hard Bold Britaines they and won't indure But my Lord Bard is for thee sure Let all the mountaines meet upon 't They 'l yeild to Bard and Bellamont I thought that Nose must be i' th' Verse Though i' th' fag end i' th' very A Wash thee in Avon if thou flie My wary Davenant so high Yet Hypernaso now you shall O're-fly this Goose so Capitall Your colours will not hold the rather Expung'd by one that drinks of neither And yet no kin to John Taylor The Author upon himself FAlse as foolish What turn felo de me Davenant kill Davenant No the whole world doth see My Gondibert To be a piece of Art Waller and Cowley true have prais'd my book And deservedly Nay I did for it look He both us robbs That blames for this old Hobs. Write on jeer'd Will and write in Pantofle That 's over Pumpho And for Will Crofts his baffle Thou maist long write That wriâ—'st to them that shite Knight hold thy nose at this One Tetrastich to wipe his versifyer Met at the Common shoar thee Will Crofts I send you Ieffery to cleanse what 's soft Be it in head can't he poor dwarf assaile But he will reach to whip you in the taile Room room for a leather flinger Pretends to be a triple singer On three feet or to a third finger Who can Sufficiently prepare 'um 'Gainst men of trium literarum who 'l fall like those that rose at SaruÌ„ 1. In triple rimes I thank a Kater Who writes as if he were my Mater But proves a most Fraterrimus Frater 2. You erre my Cautious friend in Planets As in abusing of my Sonnets The Swanns above Geese vaile your Bonnets 3. 'T is right you say 't was hard in France Ten pound for a good work t' advance You got it friend but for a dance 4. What like thy selfe still souc'd in Ale Abhorring all that 's sharp and stale You 'l find me salt both head and taile Indors'd Tih-he and seal'd with the caelature of the four-tassel'd Cap. Upon fighting Will MUst all be Fighters that do follow Camps It was not so my friends not at Ea'Tamps He that bought Armes and boldly cross'd the Maine Did honour sure in that adventure gain Who deserves most the man that is well bang'd For King or he that ventures to be hang'd Now Impudence thou 'rt up with old disgrace Better to want some nose than want a face Caro de carne mine is still as 't was When thine of flesh is batter'd into brasse Where Kings have favour'd do not thou blaspheme I onely do amand that Sacred Theme Will like a Basilisk did ride and flie And like a Regulus bold Will will die In Pugnacem Daphnem Num Latin as hîc PEr mare per terras Regi obsequiosus aravi Neptunus ceduces Arma verumque vehit Belgia me sensit retuli unde ipse Leones Sensit Bombardus Anglica terra meus Hinc ordo nam gaudet equo Neptunus equestris Et poterat Parmum nobilitare Leo Scilicet verus Campi Basiliscus ad ibam Bombardet genus ah tum Basiliscus erat Test is abest Fateor jam Functo feste Meipso Calcar adest tamen Fama superstes erit Ad eundem Law Case Leye ulpianum inter Io Oakum vel QuercenuÌ„ Io Novi stili ff. ff. ff. ff. tit. De abluendo Cerebro parag. Tuenim vel Codrus Crambe bis repetitae nolo reponere Scribe nova In Daphnen Causidicum ALl are not Martyr-Soldiers blood goar To will to fight is Soldier-confessor And does defie his sawcy hand and pen That saies he ere turn'd back to any men The Nose again ô how they plunge that scoff If th 'ad been whole they would have rubb'd it off A little man a man you may suppose As much in justice to a little Nose For with the honour'd remnant that he beares We take in snuff these often crambed jeeres I le give you Pokins leave to be nasute It is enough for us to be acute And 'cause I will in equity dispose You shall Ana eares unto your nose The Poet is angry because censur'd by one he knowes not Some men have known some man some men before Ha well done Iack 't was like be seen no more 'T is special to be known not know agen But prethee tell who was Iack Pudding then Titulus Compitis Londini cum Licentia imponendus Quid dignum tanto feret hic promissor hiatu QUantum ad Epistolae sonum videtur esse exhibitoris Tumulorum apud WestmonasteriuÌ„ adeo illi digitus Mercurialis vox Stentoria quid ni rude Donatiâ—s Tune Monstrorum remonstrator Monumentis ipsis statua major es praeter teipsum id est magistrum spectaculorum grandius monstrum nulla aetas iterum videbit Quid Castrum Backsterianum nominas abi ad ripam cum simiâ Die quolibet Iovis te ostenta Tune Elephantos Tigridasque loqueris Cedunt miracula Asinus locutus est Suscitasti stipes Cetum pro naribus sales ignem sulphur evomentem Abite Pelamides Ne forte non intelligeretur vocabulum Anglice Plaise-mouth'd fellowes Adest Leviathan sed Hobbianus non Hobgoblianus Americae
THE Incomparable POEM GONDIBERT VINDICATED From the VVit-Combats OF Four ESQUIRES Clinias Dametas Sancho and Iack Pudding {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Vatum quoque gratia rara est Anglicè One Wit-Brother Envies another Printed in the Year 1655. To Sir William Davenant PArdon fam'd Sir if in th' Adventures Against these Cyclops Wit-Centaures Or Hydra's rather for they can Spring at a Club each man his man Seconds in Draull and Seconds unto none Thy yet unhurt Reputation By me than them should suffer farther There by Wit-slaugher here Wit-murder Of small aquaintance as e're writ I am onely known unto thy wit That 's small enough will Denham say And Iack Donne swear upon the day When at the arraignment of the Wits There spleen 'gainst D'avenant pasquils spits There sits Iack Straw as eldest Bencher And spends no money but his censure He layes the Book sets Sack and Clarret And with his Quibbles doth pay for it Not thy Book onely but each Poem This Wit-Committee doth cite to 'em Thy Hot-cockler for something written By these Bumme-bayliffs hath been bitten But you my friend not Gondiberts Forbear your Sarcasmes and your flirts For if you play the Cynick still And bite so hard my Knighted Will My Woodstreet Doctor not a Wooden A sure dissecter and a good one With hand accustom'd to knife keen Shall quaintly firk away your Spleen So that you shall not bite nor raile But like kinde Puppies shake your taile This may be Donne for I have seen A Barker's that 's a Cynicks Spleen I' th' Doctors box Snarlers 't is true The Curre 's as crank as any of you And frisks and fitchets up and down As you to all the Clubbs o' th' Town All alike living by mishaps What falls from table poor Wit-scraps Will shew thy face be 't what it will We 'l push 'um yet a quill for quill And let the world at latter loose Judge which was taken for a Goose Upon the misplaced Answer upon the Preface of Gondibert Lasciva est nobis Pagina vita proba I Know the reason and 't is pat Why none of you do english that Nor will I friends for all our wrongs Should be objected in hard tongues Ergo Lasciva est vobis Pagina vita probra You have found it pro in probra if there be any such Adjective is long it was a purpose made so it is according to your life so it is all your life long Now after that note in Prose to the Verses Just at the threshold pray you look Preface you say is nose to Book Very familar sure are those We suffer to play with our nose But chief at sharp with pin or prickle Yet these are Strawes but Strawes will tickle On the Preface Room for the best of Poets jolt This is the first Wit-thunder-bolt The Sheriff's Verses must amate us They are the Posse comitatus And those that follow in this List-all Are all his men with nere a Pistoll Unlesse for Cases wide as Poulton's Perchance each man may have Paul Coulton's What doth he baffle Hobs the Nathan Hook in old boy thy Levi-athan The Wits they grant though one turnes Coat And writes now Contra that Pro wrote We do not take that much in snuff He 's still o th' weakest Penne or Buffe But what if VVill a censure made-a O' th' Poets he but did as Strada So did old Ben our grand Wits master In this Play called Poetaster The odds is ours we are the higher We are Knight Lauriat Ben the Squire Upon my conscience you wrong Out Knight that he should hate the Tongue Of either Author for 't is sed Those Languages ne're hurt his head You know full well the Latian Is routed in our Nation And why such stir for heathen Greek Is 't not enough brisk French to speak Italian brave my Signiora If sounds as high as you can rore a. He never miss'd at nose of Ovid But lov'd the nose so well approved Of the Court-Ladies Handy, dandy They both were spoyl'd by Art D'Amandi You think they feign that is they lie That spake of Gondibert so high If that their Verses were much taller Waller hath since out-Gondid VValler Why do you bite you men of Fangs That is of Teeth that forward hangs And charge my dear Ephestion With want of Meat you want Digestion We Poets use not so to do To find men Meat and Stomachs too That is a good capacity If you want that the more 's the pity You have the Book you have the House And mumme good Iack and catch the Mouse The Knight 's return'd your censures vanish And takes no Dungus but good Spanish The Author doth not put in Mun because it is the abreviation or nick of his own name Now with Virginia twit's no more The Slaves are dead we do deplore And leave I pray your fierce Bravados Slife you will end else in Barbados To Sir William D'avenant AFter so many poorer scraps Of Playes which nere had the mishaps To passe the Stage without their claps 2. When thou hadst past the Pikes and wert Thy self a royall Gondibert A Soldate then a Statesman pert 3. There so improv'd and grown so able Thou 'rt fit for War or Council-table Could'st thou be brought to penne a Fable 4. Could Knight thy emerited fancy After so high dispatch beyond-sea Stoop to contrive this rare Romancy 5. Which all Romances must adore Arcadia bow and Eglamore And all since written and before 6. Thy first penn'd Albovin must lie Forgotten in his Lumbardy For Gondibert is onely high 7. This Gondibert and so the Author Is lik'd by King and by King's daughter It makes them serious and makes laughter 8. He that hath swing'd the Prince of Condi And beat him to a hole like Lundie Better imployment send him one day 9. When that he 's weary of the Launce And hunting Rebels out of France In Gondibert his thoughts advance 10. And sighs perchance with watry sluces To see the Red-rose serve the Luces But Will the world is all abuses 11. Thou 'rt read translated in French Court The Divel himself doth well report All but these Quiblers thank thee for 't 12. When Princes Battel joyn and hurt Are farre remov'd from friends at Court Their Chirurgion then is Gondibert 13. A leaf of thee but read will stench The blood as well as any French Chi'rgion or Chirurgion's wench 14. Here Ladies may a simpling go Iohnson Gerrard do not shew A greater Betany to view 15. Translate no longer for our Leahs Good Peppers our Pharmacopaeas Of Herbals here 's the prime Ideas 16. Thou art the publique Icon mornm The Ladies lay the Book before um And Polexander's not o' th' Quorum 17. Before they treat a Lord a part Of thee is read or got by heart They 'r catechis'd in Gondibert 18. And if they lose the Virgin-name They onely say in joyfull shame Sweet Gondibert thou wert to blame 19. Their paines and