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A04821
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Hallelu-iah: praise yee the Lord, for the vnburthening of a loaden conscience By his grace is Iesus Christ vouchsafed vnto the worst sinner of all the whole world.
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Kilby, Richard, d. 1617.
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1618
(1618)
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STC 14955; ESTC S106533
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55,442
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148
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had done enough and enough my heart being farre from God and not once assaying to come neere vnto him Here I would aske a question of the common sort of people young and old I would aske you for no harme Is not this your religion I meane to say your praiers to heare seruice I will not put in to say seruice without any special stirring of your heart not actually minding that you are in talke with God nor so affected as they who perceiue themselues to be so neere vnto euen before the face of that Almightie King who is terrible vnto the Kings of the earth they are his seruiters I take that blessed God to witnesse against my soule if I speake vncharitably or idlely I am perswaded that I haue good reason to feare that a great many of you haue little religion in your hearts but content your selues with saying and hearing and some outward ceremonies Then I can tell you what religion is the fittest for you Euen that which you call the old religion for that wil so furnish you with outward workes and ceremonies that you shall not dreame of medling with your heart You see the deuoutest of them can swallowe downe into their soules lying forswearing murther and treason They make no bones of such matters And why Because the ceremonie-law of Rome serueth their turne I speake vpon my conscience for the glorie of my Lord God and for the good of my countrey It pleased God that specially by the meanes of M. William Olney of Tachbrooke neere Warwicke who tooke me from my poore parents I was in some sort continued at schoole About foureteene or fifteene yeares of age I fell into acquaintance with diuerse that fauoured the Popes religion among whom one lent me a booke thus intituled A defence of the censure giuen vpon two bookes of William Charke and Meredith Hanmer ministers which they wrote against M. Edmund Campian priest of the societie of Iesus and against his offer of disputation This little booke beeing one of the most dangerous bookes that euer I read for they bee little ones that either doe good or harme vnto the greatest number of people did thoroughly distast me with the Protestant-religion before religion was in mine heart A principall case of my distast was the many euill reports which with great pretence of truth it signifieth touching the liues of Luther Caluin and Beza bringing in this reason withall that the authors and beginners of an extraordinary reformation in the Church of God should at the least be ordinarie honest men in life and conuersation which those men were not if that booke be true Here I humbly entreat all people to take knowledge of two things which I haue found true by experience First it is not safe for a man to betake himselfe to this or that side in controuersie of religion vntill his heart and life bee setled in some vprightnesse of obedience vnto God Can a man iudge of colours before he bee borne No. Then how can a man rightly discerne the truth in questions touching the mysterie or secret of godlines he not beeing renewed by the spirit of God Although he haue great learning or depēd vpon the iudgement of great learned men yet Sathan the deuill will haue an hand in him because they which doe not conscionably obey God are subiect to be wrought vpon by him Eph. 2.2 The second thing that I would desire you to take knowledge of is this When a man is well assured that he is entred into a conscionable course of obeying the commandements of God which is the practise of repentance to settle his iudgement touching this or that controuersie in religion hee must not bee lead by the sermons or books or liues of men but principally hee must apply himselfe vnto the grounds of his faith which are two God and Gods word How shall he apply himselfe vnto God By verie often humble and earnest prayer that he will vouchsafe for Iesus Christs sake to giue him the spirit of reuelation the inlightening of minde to perceiue the holy truth S. Paul telleth vs plainly that the secrets of God cannot be rightly known but by the spirit of God 1. Cor. 2.10.11 And our Lord Iesus hath giuen vs this assurance that if we doe earnestly pray vnto God for the holy Ghost hee will giue him vnto vs Luk. 11.5 6 7 8 c. How shall a man apply himselfe to the word of God In following the example of the Iewes that dwelt at Berea who when S. Paul preached vnto them receiued the word with all readinesse But how They searched the Scriptures dayly whether those things which S. Paul deliuered vnto them were so as he said yea or no Act. 17.11 And for your encouragement see what followed Act. 16.12 Therefore many of them beleeued If any say hee cannot vnderstand the word of God I answer he may bee sorrie and ashamed to say so for to what end hath God giuen his word but to be vnderstood euen of very simple folke for of all the books in the world there is none that hath more plainenesse in it then the booke of God hath Many fine schollers haue no minde to reade Gods word because it is so plaine It is certainely one of the maine drifts of Sathan the deuill to make people beleeue that Gods word is hard to bee vnderstood because he would not haue them to vnderstand it for he knoweth that nothing in all the world is so great an hinderance vnto him as Gods word beeing vnderstood Now I will goe forward in my confession I went first to Oxford and then to Cambridge At Oxford I was in Gloster Hall about foure yeares first and last at Cambridge I was in Emanuel Colledge not so long but to that Colledge I am singularly bound Afterward I tooke vpon me to be a schoolemaster and then entred into the ministerie in the yeare of our Lord one thousand fiue hundred nintie and sixe The next yeare after vpon the commendation of diuerse reuerend Ministers in Kent namely my fatherly friend Doctor Milborne of Seuenoke M. Bust of Penshurst M. Deiose of Chiddingstone M. Smith of Chelfield I obtained of Archbishop Whitegift a generall licence to preach I haue beene a minister eighteene yeares and so much more as since the sixeteenth day of May last for as vpon that day Doctor Young Bishop of Rochester gaue mee orders at Bromeley in Kent All this while vntill this verie yeare one thousand sixe hundred and foureteen my heart continued in that inward behauiour wherwith it was first possessed in my childhood Now let me goe backe againe and make report how the Father of mercie hath striuen with me from my youth yea and nowe in good and comfortable measure blessed be his name vanquished the setled wickednesse of mine heart Euer since I had any vnderstanding of Gods will something hath been working vpon my mind perswading me very earnestly to forsake sinne and wholly to submit my selfe
S. Gregories authoritie in his dialogues lib. 4. cap. 39. and so make a purgatorie matter of it and therefore shall neuer be called into question O how apt are we to deceiue our selues Doth not our Lord Iesus very plainely say these words Matth. 12.36 But I say vnto you that euery idle word that men shall speake they shall giue an account thereof in the day of iudgement 37. For by thy words thou shalt be iustified and by thy words thou shalt be condemnd If in the day of iudgement we shall bee tried whether we be fit to be saued or condemned euen by our words and if euery idle world shal then be brought in question it behooueth them that would be saued to make more conscience of their talke then the prating practise of this world affoardeth Certainly old Nicholas Denuse said very truely Of much speaking come many euills specially three the losse of consideration the dulling of deuotion and the multiplying of sinne I haue time and time perceiued the truth of Denuses words in mine owne selfe Yea euen in preaching when I haue beene more word-full then needs which such shallow preachers as I am be driuen to for lacke of matter the more pitty that people should be fed with winde those three euills haue come vpon me It may be asked what counsell I would out of my poore experience giue vnto weake ministers Vpon my conscience in the sight of God this I say Some goe for ministers which are not capable of that knowledge which a minister of the Gospel necessarily should haue The parish where such a one is should wholly ioyne together housholders men-seruants women-seruants and all that haue any thing in the world to giue for the allowing of him so much yearely maintenance to leaue the Ministerie as he hath by continuing in it yea and for the assuring of it vnto him for the tearme of his life This is much but the saluation of any one soule in the parrish is much more And where an vnable minister is certenly many a soule is in great danger If some should in loue of their saluation put themselues to this charges he that hath title to giue the benefice may put in such an other for it is too well known that many Patrons so they are called that giue benefices are very corrupt and haue no feeling of conscience in that businesse O that they knew what a huge measure of Gods vengeance they pull vpon themselues and vpon their house Sir whosoeuer you are know this for a certain the Sonne of God hath a Nisi prius against you to be tried at the great assizes of the world Then shall come foorth many poore soules cast away by meanes of your corruption and they shall crie out vpon you before the face of God Angels and men saying O Lord this is he that hath caused our damnation for he put vpon vs a man to be our minister that had not the grace of ministration in him I vndertake vpon mine vttermost perill that if faithfull inquirie be made diuerse such corruptions shall be found in Derbieshier yea gentlemen sharing with the minister in things dedicated vnto the Gospels maintenance O base more base and vile then to robbe by the high way side Those Ministers which are capable of competent knowledge but yet haue it not I would humbly intreat that aboue all other businesse whatsoeuer they will giue themselues in the feare of God most hungerly and thirstily to studie for it Though I entred not into the ministerie vntill the third yeare after I was batchelour of art which I confesse was too too soone and though that learned Colledge so I dare say Emanuel in Cambridge did in such fauourable manner approoue mee that my grace to commence Master of Arts was passed in the house before I knewe it or thought of it but I neuer went to commence yet was I glad God knowes to toile my selfe night and day else that lowest degree of sufficiencie which by Gods mercie I haue I should neuer haue had I haue been forced to renew my knowledge of logicke the Art of vnderstanding againe and againe and yet am farre short of perfection Hee that is ignorant of this Art I cannot deuise how hee may bee an vnderstanding Minister In the Latine tongue I was not verie perfect yet some-what readie But to get a little smacke in that learned language the Greeke mine eyes haue foregone much sleepe and been made to smart very often Into the language of Chanaan the Hebrew I haue so little sight as may be yet it cost mee some labour and expence withall By these paines I haue obtained God beeing mercifull vnto me this profit I can make a shift to vnderstand many learned Authors that haue written books verie helpefull for him which studieth Diuinitie Thus I am only able to abide the Churches triall and to passe for a sufferable minister if sanctification be not wanting If any vnable minister being capable of knowledge did but perceiue first his owne want and then the comfort which my soule takes in this lowest degree of abilitie which thorough Gods great mercie I haue attained vnto hee would enforce himselfe night and day to get knowledge so be quickly gone beyond me I would withall mine heart that I beeing no lesse able then I am as sufferably I can not bee were in abilitie ministeriall the very lowest of all the ministers in this Land It grieues mee to consider that some are not onely vnable which they shall find to be miserie too much but also which is much more miserable confidently perswaded of their sufficiencie I kept my selfe in some small measure of good order all that weeke much what by shunning vnnecessarie companie But my terrible disease increased vpon me and so tormented me that the foureteenth of August beeing Sabbath by drinking much new ale to ease my paine I almost ouerthrewe my selfe and was sore afraid least I should haue failed in my ministration Yet see thee admirable goodnes of God! I preached in the forenoone and in the afternoone went sicke and sowning ripe into the pulpit so that I betooke my selfe to the pleasure of God by way of preparation for some dismall successe yea before I spake any word I secretly said thus vnto my Lord Blessed Lord God make way for thine owne good pleasure and glorie and doe what thou wilt vnto mee spare mee not Yet I say againe see the most wonderfull goodnesse of God! there were diuerse of good iudgement yea and a Preacher who I verily beleeue will say they neuer heard mee preach more effectully nor with a more constant voice I must and by Gods grace will knowing mine owne exceeding weakenesse acknowledge it to be a gracious fauour of God In the morning I beeing so sore pained that I could not endure either to reade that which I had prepared to preach or to thinke vpon it did deuoutly promise vnto the Lord that in zeale of his glory I