Well this Bayes we are speaking of having fam'd the Bishop for bravery Trans says he should have furnisht him with a Sword like Bishop Odo's which was like an other Irish Clergy-man's which was as like a Nut-Cracker for it Crack'd men clad in Steel as the men that were Crack'd as he tells me that is crack'd were like Nuts It is there describ'd however that the Bishop might not mistake it seems at large in four Wild-Irish I think Verses He might as well have took Ay by His side he wore a long Pavade And of his Sword full trenchant was the Blade Out of Chaucer for they are better but I believe he durst not look in him for fear of meeting with the Plow mans Tale. But let a man behave himself how he will with his Whineard He gets no Commendations of Bayes but upon two Conditions That he dye or be of his Party Which I think is as much as to say that He rejoyces at no bodies success that is against him not will Preach at nobodies Funeral till they be Dead But when he does He will do it for Exploits which He will take out of the Knight of the Sun Why Trans is every thing that is Heroically done applicable to every Body Suppose you were past that which you may chance to come to I mean suppose you were Dead If I should say Living He fought like Mad or Drunk For Dame Religion as for Punck Were this Commending the Author of the Rehearsal Transpros'd It is not it is not They abuse you only and so you ought to understand it whoever dead or alive does but offer to Glance at you with such an Expression But Bayes gives the Bishop such improbable Elogies that He had dyed the death of Secundinus if the swelling of Truth would have choaked him Why Trans art thou mad if the Elogies were not true what hurt would the swelling of Truth have done Bayes but if they were how horribly is all thou hast said swell'd with Lies But I perceive you think it would have been dangerous if you had done otherwise Truth might have choaked you Nay then I 'le never blame your Rayling at them both Defaming the Church and pretending to be only for Toleration for I would have no man Guilty of his own death But passing this what News Why while Bishop Bramhal was doing Feats in Ireland Bishop Usher busied himself in Grubstreet about Modern Orthodoxy I acknowledge this Expression to be nice and smart But I understand it not originally your own What the Bishop busied himself about was Refuting pretty ancient Error So you endeavour by applying it here to abuse at once but the Bishop the World and the Author But is there no more Yes Bayes represents Bishop Bramhal like St. Christopher who though as big as big as ten Porters sweats under the burthen of an Infant Why then he means your Book Which though it every where sufficiently discover the Infant yet the Title above all shews the Child could not so much as speak plain But to be serious Bishop Bramhal you say endeavoured to make a Catholick agreement amongst the Churches of Christendom Why are not you now endeavouring to make every body if you could Nonconformists But it was a most presumptuous thing to think he could perswade and fascinate are these two all one then all you perswade are bewitch'd The Roman Church which by a regular Contexture of Policy hath interwoven itself with the Secular Interest and made it self necessary to most Princes and at last erected a Throne of Infallibility over the Conscience Now I perceive whom I am to speak to Why Mon Pere hath she shew'd any more Policy then other Princes who have lost half what they had But she hath made her self necessary to most Princes You do not mean sure so necessary that they must let Her serve them in spight of their Teeths But she has erected a Throne of Infallibility over the Conscience Do'st thou take this to be the first of April when they say folks send fools of Errands We have searched the Pope's Person for this Infallibility but we find him ever and anon asking Placet or Non placet of his Conclave of Cardinals They both give the way to a General Council Lastly your Writers say It is in the Body of the whole Catholick Church I can liken our Journey to nothing so much as the imployment one finds in a Fortune-book Where the first Chance sends you to the Philosopher Pythagoras He bids you Go to King Prian and He to King Pipin at last you come to the Oracle and when a man is there He is told perhaps He shall have two Wives or else his Wife miscarry of her first Child But because I would be perfectly satisfy'd before I ventured to deliver my opinion of this I went to Lylly and desired Him if he could that He would give me some Information So he told me there was one indeed that was of such a Stature such a Complexion pretty well-spoken grievous long-winded and he was indeed a person that was Bating Errors infallible But as for the Alteration which you say you think God hath signified in parâ— what means he will accomplish it by it is a sly Insinuation and the answer consists onely in taking notice of it But the Bishops project remains still as likely to go on as yours And whereas you ask if he had hammered the Romanists and Protestants into one Colossâ—an Church that 's Quibble round Now then shall the people do for Bibles Since the Bishop would not have unqualify'd people read the Scriptures Why they might have Bibles of the Doway Translation which look like Bibles enough to satisfie them yet are you know clean another thing Again you bring the Church of Rome to observe our weakness that we should think of uniting our Neighbours who can't agree together at home Why and we if you will have it observe Hers too in the same kind â— That she should send her Missions to â—he Indies China and the Anâ—ipodes affecting a Government â—ver Nations so remote that she must direct her Dispatches To our Dearly beloved c. In Aethiopia their Children or Grand-children for a Generation or two must die at least before â—he Letter can be delivered Otherwise as to our own Differences I 'le â—ell you one piece of my mind without your giving me cause And that is I confess I think it a simple thing for Frogs and Mice to fall out till there be no Kites But forsooth the Ceremonial Controversie amongst us can be defended by no Arguments but what are fetch'd out of the Pope's Arsenal We don't desire to defend the Controversie but to end it But would the Popes Arsonal be so kind Poor Arsenal 'T is pity it was not better stor'd with Arguments against Pillars too when the French Embassador was lately us'd there with so little Ceremony But thou mak'st the strangest Piece of the Pope that keeps his
Disâ—ursive phansie yet all is so ill as it â—elates to Iudgment that knows when it has done well and said enough that I must leave both here and elsewher the burthen of the Song to the Reader and Him to find that it does its own work it self After this the Author comes to Town and gets one that lov'd Drolling to his Master if all Masters did so thou wouldst never get a place The Author 's Hypochondria where 's your hat and your leg to Hudibras got up into his brain and His head swel'd like ee'ne what you please In this Family he walk'd amongst the Innocent Hens bowed toward their pâ—w till He left them as Innocent as he found them with which Libertinage he was so transported that there being much more of the same still I wish all Fops at old Nick. But Lycanthropie I must take notice of that for the pain it cost me He says the Author has contracted the Distemper of Lycanthropy in so much that if there were any sheep here to wit in the 68 Page of the Rehearsal Transpros'd you should see him pull and suck Now I tell you Auditors that I have look'd in Thomas his Dictionary I find Lycanthropy indeed a sort of melancholy humour with which the parties that are affected Howl but that they believe themselves Wolves is more then He knows And I was the rather induced to misdoubt it because I suppose Trans does not think himself a Plant-animal nor for all his repeating and imitating the Rehearsal really believe himself to be Bayes But to something else Doctor P. yet again Well I see I must have t'other Tug at him for I would willingly shew you him in a Telescope though I can't in a Microscope if I die for 't He 's too big already Dr. P. I say tax'd Dr. H. for having New-fangled Divinity like yours but Created him Doctor of Divinity or ours Bayes is an Enemy to Controversial skill or the Calvinists Does he call them any where Controversial Fishes Bayes persecuted Germany taking it to be Mr. B. for which fault if he should raise up Bishop Bramhal's Ghost it would be angry as it had reason and rebuke him for it he shews you how in Rime Then comes once upon a Time the Guelfs and Gibbelines which of them were the Nonconformists in those days he can no more determine then which of us here at home you see He 's none of Us are now Schismatical then he says Bayes won't forgive Mr. B. nor for all our Jesting be Penitentiary Universal Hey ho Then he blames him for Preaching upon nothing but that particular Repentance which it seems he had chosen particularly for his Subject He speaks of the Name of God with Reverence literally but implicitely wholly without it Bayeâ— is the first Minister that has Commission 〈◊〉 Rail against all Nations but take notice it is void because it never was sealed by St. Thomas Britches again So often fumbling with them What ar't a Taylor Marry pray He bâ—n't worse Gentlemen have a care of your Pockets Let folks fear God Honor the King Look to their Chimneys There 's Piety Remarkable respect for his Majesty and an End of the wittyest froth of five of his Leaves more Skip soundly and you come to a huge deal of Sport about I. O. and the Letters of the Alphabet Fighting through Squadrons of Mutes Semi-vowels does any man know what they be and Liquids With these Bayes he says keeps himself in exercise as Cats whet their Claâ—s against they incounter Rats He had heard of Elephants whetting their Teeth but forgetting He is not now talking of Elephants Teeth he says Cats whet their Claws They do not they do not They onely claw the Hangings sometimes to stretch themselves as I am assured by a Lancashire witch that was One. Now pick what letter you will c. but I 'le swear I am ashamed to let any body know when this was the Entertainment that I stay'd longer in the Company Wherefore to pass quietly without noise as I can by such Dull nuts as Io Poean The Focus of Burning Glasses I meant to Ieer but I see I need onely repeat him The Stars smiling and the Fountains warbling nay and Tom Triplet too Quis enim tam durus ut in Te We come now at last to be told that I. O. He hath serv'd this whole Campaigne for betray'd the Enemies Design to the Rats and tormented the poor Letters worse then the Arrantest Dunce that ever made Acrostick Telestick or Anagram that I. O. I say though like his Couzen Bartholomew Trans could not pass by any shop but He must be buying was not the Person Bayes intended but the King Now it begins to work His Majesty before his happy and miraculous Restauration How if you had begun thus Scarce had the ruddy Aurora risen from the Bed of the aged Titan when c. But please your self Onâ—ly I would not willingly be tyred at the very beginning of a Speech Well Sent over a Declaration of his Indulgence to Tender Consciences but before the Toleration which is now pass'd came out Bayes put out his Ecclesiastical Policy in which the Grand Thesis upon which He Stakes the Fates of Princes and Conscience of Subjects to pass by your fiddle faddles is This That it is absolutely necessary to the Peace and Government of the World That the Supreme Magistrate of every Common-wealth should be vested with a power to Govern and Conduct the Consciences of Subjects in Affairs of Religion This say you being the Magisterial and main Point the rest of his Assertions may be reckoned as Corollaries without which it can never be justified First I confess I never heard before that Corollaries prove the matter that precedes but that Justifies the Corollaries He had the notions in his head jumbled together about Corollaries Postulat's and either could not find what the thing he meant to speak of was or if he knew that which was the right name to call it by because t' should seem it was not in His Iustine I have been wondring all this while why he said the Author's Preface would serve for a Post-script to the Bishop's book Now my Dream is out for I see he understands that a Consequence may Play at leap frog with a Proposition and that which is a Postulat one may calla Corollary If this World hold there 's hopes we may baffle the Irrefragable Doctor and the Master of Subtilities both by and by After some more Citations ouâ— of the Author Trans says Having 〈◊〉 enabled the Prince that is proved his Assertion by Corollaries dispensed with Conscience fitted up a Moral Religioâ— this is all impertinent now to the course of an Argument he the Author shews next how much those moral vertâ—â—â— are to be valued Affirming that it is 〈◊〉 necessary Princes should set up a stricter Goâ—vernment over mens Consciences Perâ—swasions And that it is less hazardous 〈◊〉 give Liberty
his Seam-stress and his Cook And then he crys out like King Harry in Shakespear My Conscience My Conscience He has not the Conscience to see himself want and 't is pity he should while there is any Monoye de Cordelier He is so Religious There needs little more be said to the rest the reason why is given already Onely whereas upon the Authors saying If a pin be pull'd out of the Church c. and mentioning Pushpin Divinity you say you will have a care you don't swallow the pin The pin it seems is in the Church So we 'l ease you of that care by keeping you from Swallowing Her I think I have answered all your Quidlibet's if not Remember the Thesis Trans Now does it come in my head that this would make a Burthen for a Song Your performance deserves richly to be Recorded 'T is a Dull thing to be alwaies Transcribing other peoples Verses as you do Troth le ts ee'n try once what We can do our selves Ho! The Wine press Give me a Glass of Champaigne There was a Wight And He was no Knight And he took Pen in hand He writ so well He did excell Most Quakers in the Land He Transpros'd Playes And he hop'd that Bayes He could bring to the Roman Dancâ— Now hands all But I pray remember the Thesis the Thesis Remember the Thesis Trans Is not that very well now I Caâ— I 'le be Bayes my self now I think on 't and have it sung next time Love in a Nunnery is Acted And now I make account I have done my business and completely answered your Book There are not above 200 pages or so left But after the Memorable Battel of Thesis there 's no body needs take any more notice of any thing you say as pretending to Argue 'T is but crying Hus redi mecum contende sub illo And therefore henceforth as it fell out after the Chivy-Chase Engagement Your Logick must rue that is unborn The Bickering of that Day So now we 'l go on only to make an end of Christmas as they say and first I find you can't forget a Grudging till the cold weather be over and to shew us a man need not be idle when he kept his Chamber you give us a Punctual account at large of the Rise and Cure of the F. Pox. We don't doubt but you have Conversed with a Chirurgeon But Mr. Bayes will see you recover well before he venture to follow your Directions But say you To resume the former History concerning the Author's Books He has not been considered nor got no Preferment by writing for his pains Oh! you would discourage us that way from Patronizing this Cause any further if you could would you Why Trans I 'le tell thee for my part whether ever I get any thing or no I will scorn to beg in Print and take an occasion when there is none to say Good people A Gentleman of your side can't well support his Quality without some Accession from the Publick Then as for the success his Books have I don't know what success an Argument can have if that be none that they shew themselves forc'd as cunningly as they can to slip by who pretend to Answer it And so I think you do I. O. no great Courtesie neither in repeating nothing of him but his asking what was become of the old Plea of Ius Divinum For it is as much as to say that He did not go about which in this respect was his Place To answer neither I never saw the Gentlemanâ—s Book and so don't determine there is nothing in it more to the purpose he may write for then this Question But Trans I will say something for thee still though thou hast not done what thou shouldest that is Answered thou hast done what thou couldest Thou hast chatter'd hideously and spread thy Tail at the Hawk like thine own Magpie Thou hast mudded as thou callest it the matter with Ink like any Sepia and like thy Taylors Wife thou hast held up thy Thumbs at him in the very Ducking-stool Thou wantedst nothing but a Good cause for thou hast sufficiently shewed a voluble tongue and mayest pretend still if thou wilt for me That her were as good a Shentleman as the best of them if her horse would but go After this he falls to quoting several passages in the Authors books to shew the Authors Principles thwaâ—â— one another He begins about Magistrates power To this I need onely keep where I was and tell you that if the grand Thâ—sis stand firm whatâ—ver Consequences are legitimately deduced from that are good and true whatever become of the rest and that your going about thus to confound us with a deal of stuff that does not belong to the way you should handle the Question is but like Gipseys toling us on with a ramble of words till we have forgot our selves at last and then they pick our pockets However to please you to your first whole side of Citation which ends in Therefore 't is necessary for the security of Government to set bounds to its Iurisdiction I answer it is bounded by being subordinate to the will of God and so I believe the Author answers too though you found it not so convenient I suppose to continue on your quotation till he came to shewing in what manner he explains himself Now though that does indeed oblige the Magistrate to as tender a conscience as you say as any of his Subjects yet it does not take away the Magistrates power he pleads for and so you may go Hoop as you do and Holla with your rest Now comes Transprosal to be agreeved that the Author had said A Prince that sottishly neglects his Security deserved to Perish like Sardanapalus Whereupon he says He knows not why a Prince should not be willing to enjoy the Innocent Comforts of this life as well as do the Common Drudgeries Truly nor I neither nor any Honest man else But how comes this in upon the Author 's naming Sardanapalus Was Sardanapalus his Sloth and Effeminacy Innocent Comfort Or would you have every Prince enjoy such as were Sarnadapalus's Thou doest meanly aim now at making some poor and wretched Complement Fie for shame shew thus in Print what you would condescend to do if any body would imploy you rather then a Gentleman should 〈◊〉 from the Publick wherewithall to support his Quality But now he must see how matterâ— stand betwixt the Author and His Answerer any thing in the World Trans but undertaking to Answer your self may be safe Go to then His Answerer had objected that Bayes had represented all Tradesmen as Seditioâ—s The Author reply's He onely supposed some Tradesmen tainted with Seditiâ—â—â— Principles Trans will shew He contradicts himself and having quoted those words crys Holla Bayes in the 49 page c. you say no sort of people are so inclinable to seditious practices as the Trading part of a Nation Upon which he wisely
S'too him Bayes Or Some OBSERVATIONS Upon the HUMOUR of Writing Rehearsal's Transpros'd Hanc Veniam petimusque damusque vicissim OXON Printed in the Year 1673. ADVERTISEMENT The Reader will take notice that it is the Second Impression of the Rehearsal Transpros'd to which these Animadversions are directed â— for not being much curious of such things it was but lately that I happened upon the Book SOME OBSERVATIONS Upon the Humor of Writing Rehearsal's Transpros'd TO begin with your Title The Rehearsall Transpros'd It Intimates the Author has imitated the Rehearsal for which you think good to make a Play of the Author It rests therefore to be examined whether He be Bayes in a Preface or you the fool in the Play I come to the bottom of your Title Page At the sign of the Kings Indulgence on the South-side of the Lake of Lemane and sold In Chancery Lane Amongst the Lawers will it sell best there Why you don't think the Lincolns-Inn and Temple-wits will take the Rehearsal Transpros'd for a Case of Alienation or Observations upon a Preface for A Book of Reports Upon my word they don't like your Iesting with Playes so near them Somebody may Transprose Ignoramus shortly at this Rate too and then who knows where the Stone may light at last As for the Lake of Lemane I 'le suppose it a Standing water and so may Tarry till I come to it again by and by Then I shall exanine its Situation and see if there be a North or a South or a Blind side belonging to it But At the sign of the Kings Indulgence 'T is true He hath given you one but I don't think He looks upon it for civilly or indeed craftily done of you to be at every turn Quoting Him on this fashion for it upon Needless or Buffoon occasions You know in Scripture such and such things were permitted the Iews for the Hardness of their Hearts Should they now ever and anon have been Rallying Moses for his Condescentions had they not as good have told him in Plain Hebrew that the Hardness of their Hearts had been too Hard for Him But to the business Your book begins for a lucky hit with a Dilemma you say you have caught the Author in of his own making For if he will not accept his own Charge his modesty say you is all impudent Call you this Catching him in a Dilemma Pray whatâ—s the meaning of Impudent Modesty Is your Design to Convince or to Pose us We are Modest people and shall remember Alonzo Tiveria as well as we can but we would not be put altogether to submit to your Arguments by believing in your words We cannot always as you desire expound a Pillar or Explicate a Post besides one would think you had been told often enough of Particular Universal Round Quadrangle that a man ought not to talk like a Ninny-hammer but when it were evidently Courteous and Gent or Tuant or Great But if this be still a Dilemma thou art the unluckyest Disputant in the world for thou pretendest to argue for General Liberty and concludest for nothing but meer Lutheranism for Impudent Modesty is the very Doctrine of Consubstantiation Yet happy happy thou since thou must needs Transprose hast had the fortune to light upon the Rehearsal for since people will be so idle as at first dash you see to ask what signify's Impudent Modesty Thou may'st there find an Answer which no Schoolman but Bayes ever light upon and may'st tell them Nay pray Sirs have a little patience Godsookers you 'l spoil all my Transprosal Why 't is impossible to answer every impertinent Question you ask But for all this I know his Majesty does not intend his Toleration shall extend to Nonconformity in Sense also and therefore for this time I will tie you to that Ceremony of the Church of England as to Speak it But to proceed you hoped ay and I dare say would have lost your ten pound wager on the Condition that He nor nobody else would have written any more in behalf of the King of Englands Rights for all your being sure you had the Keys of Transprosing but he hath that there are Grounds for Fears jealousies of Popery And pray are there not Since the Popish Interest as your self make anon appear is founded chiefly upon Keeping the people in Ignorance and some of the wisest of them are so Ignorant already as to talk of Impudent Modesty yet if such kind of Terms seem necessary for the Ends you use them then Oh too frail Reason that contradicts Transprosal But let 's see what is the mischief the Author is going to do To trick up Bishop Bramhal in a yellow Coif and a Bulls Head What sense the Author can be said to trick him up in a Bull 's Head in I confess I do not understand But your Conceits are all so easie and familiar that I am confident you mean something by it You fall next upon the unfortunate Invention that Printing has proved to be That Villanous Engine the Press and Reformation being invented much about the same time Pre'thee leave fooling and tell us what thou art Ieer the whole Reformation All that are not Romanists I have heard there was a certain Counsellor that when he had pleaded a long while the Iudge asked him who he was for Plaintif or Defendent But thou makest Our Case worse Thou abusest thy Clients At this rate we must wish you would write express in defense of Popery for the credit of the Protestant Religion But you say 'T was happy when all Learning was in Manuscript some little Officer like the Author kept the Keys of the Library I doubt you 'l find him a great Officer by and by and the Door of his Preface so well kept that it will be past your Skill to pick the Lock And there was a time another happy time when the Clergy needed no more Knowledge then to read the Liturgy The Wound was great because it was but small Th'adst been a Bishop needed none at all Nor the Laity more Clerkship then to then to save them from Hanging 'T is Sung you might let point of Clerkship alone having been your self sometime beholding to it But no more of that You say next the Mischief of Printing is that now if a man write a Book presently he is answered Here you must give us leave to distinguish betwixt Transprosing and Answering 'T is plain some Persons are presently Transprosed but we can't perceive that any of the Principal things they say are Answered Next you fall upon B. and L. and call them Publick Tooth-Drawers no doubt you mean Printing's Tooth-Drawers For Publick Tooth-Drawers signifies no more then Tooth-Drawer and were Tautology like Publick Shooe-maker or Publick Cobler now you do not mean they are literally Tooth-Drawers for that would spoile the Sense of your Allegory wherefore you have mistaken your self and these things when B. and L. meet with They expunge
neglect of Sacraments necessary conditions of Church Communion So that all the Nonconformists in your understanding go about to prove is onely the unreasonableness or unlawfulness of the Penalty And you your self acknowledge that our Ceremonies are Indifferent things Now if after all you commend this Text as in order to its proving our Ceremonies to be Sacraments You give your self the what i st Oh The word no flesh can bear But if you commend it as pertinent to prove the Penalty unlawful you talk non-sense for it does not at all concern Matter of Penalty and so it is neither way a Pertinent but an Impertinent passage and you might as well have commended the Pertinency of the Cover of St. Austins Book But your aim I see every where is but to keep up the Iangle amongst us as long as you can and it seems we are not a little distracted already For there are two Books whilst I am now writing come out against you and the second finds fault with the first And if there be e're an addle Headed fellow to follow this ten to one but he picks one hole or another in us all Three but men of sense sure will have more Wit and if they do write mind their Business I am come now where the Quotation I meet is certainly one of the Sorâ—es Virgilianae you speak of for your own self Cum Tot sustineas tanta Negotia solus for thou seest I leave all and will upon thy own back But I must take notice now of your Apologizing here as several times you have done before for your so often speaking Latine You being now forsooth ee'n hardned in it I must tell you I have sometimes heard men taâ—k Latine Pedantically but you excuse yours so affectedly that I must say you are the first that ever I saw Pedantically decline speaking it If your Latine Citations are pertinent they need not be excused if they are not they can't be So pray trouble us no more like my Lady would be with My breeding hath not been so course To offend with Pertinacy we do believe it You may believe it c. for Latine or no Latine you 'r like to get but little here besides The Plot stands still and the Grand Thesis is all this while you are Courtesying taking its pleasure near Lambeth in a Gundalo This ramble of yours ends in the Author 's knowing it is not always safe nor Honourable to be of a Father's Opinion You don't mean to bring your Proofs out of St. Thomas or St Austin do you I shall not speak a word ex professo about their Controversie who affect in their Worship a simplicity free from all External Circumstances but such as are Natural or Customary which I am now come to Nempe superba manet Babylon spolianda Trophâ—is If you can find any thing formerly said that touches them either by Implication or Consequence much good do you And so you may take me for one of them my self if you please I am sure you are not that say they foul St. Austin with their Thumbs c. And so I skip both good bad and indifferent from this place to your Citation out of Bishop Bramhal whose Ashes by your leave shall not be Consecrated in the Form you do it As if That which he saw in matter of Doctrine he would not see in matter of Discipline No certainly nor He could not except his Name had been Cinna Quod non est Cinna videre potest At last you wish the Author may not prove An accursed Bay Tree And He wishes that you may not turn to a Huge Elephant but I hope there 's no danger You are deadly sly in your next Paragraph 〈◊〉 Our Church you say does piously declare that Kneeling at the Lords Supper is not for Adoration of those Elements and so of the other Ceremonies c. But the Romanists this is your Roman Empâ—re too Trans that comes in as often as you well cau frâ—m whence we have them who have Wine from the Canary's and Plums from Zâ—â—t and who said of old we would come to feed of their meat as well as eat of their Pâ—rridge Oh! This is the Alteration belike that you like a Minor Prophet under them said You think God has signify'd by what means he will effect do offer us here many a fair distinction and Declaration in very weighty matters To which nevertheless the Conscience of our Church hath not complyed And thus on Now I think it is plain enough whose cause you are Pleading but I will not bind you in such cords as you bound the Prefacer for I see well enough what hole you will slip out at if I should charge you here too home You will but cry like Falstaff when the Prince asked him if he had said he was a Sneak-Cup Did I Bardol You can't deny but you will own nothing Wherefore passing the rest of your Good morrow's which are as many as you could tell how to sum up I come to the end where you innocently conclude Which things I do thus sparingly set down onely to shew the Danger of Inventive Piety Why truly Trans and I will be very civil to you and since you say that 's your sole reason I will not deny it But then I expect you should be so civil to me as to acknowledge that I neither do not present and hint these things as absolutely concluding that you are neither Roman Catholick or Iesuite or Design Popery but onely to shew the danger there may possibly be of being wheedled and over-reached and cheated under many a mans pretending to be Consciencious onely against Cruelty and for a Brotherly and Christian Tenderness to one another To your long business about the Clause to the Wednesday Act and its binding the Conscience or no I answer it does not bind as Gods immediate commands do but it does as He commands us to obey the Magistrate who hath power to injoyn it But I find my self run into a World of Seriousness who as I am a Virgin never intended at first to meddle with any thing of you but that which thou would'st have us take to be Wit But when I find you come to forget Play with me but hurt me not Iest with me but shame me not You see what a troublesome Alteration you have brought upon the Company You might have writ Plays Governed the Coffeehouse drunk your Glass of Wine nay more too and I had ne'r contradicted you But if you must needs talk of Conscience cry Conformists have Bull's-heads and Nonconformists Durty Thumbs and tire a body's heart out with a Bramble and the Lake of Lemane Why 't is as bad as giving us the Que ditez vous And I must cry then Brother George hold my Band and At you if you were as big as Paul's Steeple Now I begin to grow sick again for I am looking to see what 's next in thy book Well I will not put my self
Bellarmine Bayes distinguishes you know betwixt the Wealth and the Phanatick and so he 'l do too betwixt the Wit and the Papist and if there be never so many Penal Acts there 's nobody will meddle with Paul the simple Besides who can accuse you for either Preacher or Disputant The most they can make of thee is but a Nuntiâ— for thou dost indeed mentiri pro patria sufficiently But still that Quality is Sacred and therefore do you but onely as they say at Nâ—â—gaâ—e Plead you Rogue as I bid you and I warrant thee come off jure gentium Wherefore since we are now so near let 's pass Rubicon merrily for though Moses dissuaded Caesar yet He does not hinder any of us and if it were the Hellespont I hope one might go drink a Pot with Parthenope after so long a Journey Well I have lookt to the End see it 's in vain to spur for thou art quite tired and settest in a kind of a hard Trot to give us solemnly the Reasons that occasioned thy Writing Why Trans you must know that we take our selves to have very good reason to suspect that you writ this Book but one Reason and that is for a Reason that was Given you For it seems to me thou goest on so lumpishly every where that thou wer't meerly dragg'd to 't after a much wiser man as I am inform'd had refused the Imployment But Madam D' Olonne could not refuse Paget when his Letter argued from so undeniable a Maxim as 2000 Pistols and so you condescended at last to talk of Kings and Princes notwithstanding your private Fortune and Education and Your Thoughts as well as Bayes his resolved which way to work themselves when you saw Arguments produced for it That were not meerly symbolical But le' ts see what are thy Reasons First you were offended at Bayes's Arrogant Style since there is nothing you say in it worth his own taking notice of Why Trans this is the strangest Reason that ever I heard that it should be pity that a man that writes simply should be so fond as to like his work I should think rather 't were pity but he should be condemn'd for his pains to the stupidity of never knowing what an Ass he had made himself So that you and I differ clearly though we are both I see Tender-hearted in application of our Charity For in your case now I am content you should think you have done very well still Next His infinite Tautology was burthensome Marry come up A small Tâ—â—e then about Bishop Bramhal a Manual of the Letters of the Alphabet a Parenthesis of seven sides out of Mr. Hales the old Legend twice over of Austin the Monk and the Novel's of Sibthorp and Manwaring and Manwaring and Sibthorp I warrant Tire no body Why thy whole Book consists of nothing but Long Distichs though I believe thou wouldst make any man glad of a Seat upon hearing but a Dimeter of thine Nay thou canst do it in less compass then Impudent Modesty Your Third reason is your Exception against him because All the Variety of his Treat is Pork Here thou dost abuse the word Variety abominably Your friend Henry the Fourth would not have pardoned you if you had perswaded him that Chapon Boullis was Variety and Venâ—â— would sooner have sworn by Stix when By Love's sweetest part Variety she swore Then this if it must be Castrated into Conformity with your understanding nay thou debauchest the very Age too for thou bringest Love it self which should be a Divine thing and the noblest passion of an Heroick mind to meer Boar beckons Pigâ—hog wil't thou be mine When thou offerest to say all the Variety of the Treat is Pork You talk of Bayes's miserableness you are more miserable for you destroy the very notion of Variety and so I don't wonder at your being a Iew c. by Consequence being offended with Pork But you add cunningly You know the Story Prethee if Bayes himself does know it what 's that to us You have set our mouths a watering and now you take away the Meat But though we ben't worthy methinks you might have had the manners to have told it that the King at least might know it who you say Can make use of all these things Therefore pray out with it and since I have as great a Concern for the Ships as you pretend for Galleys if you have any more about Beef and Peason let 's have them too for the Pork and they being digested in a convenient Memorial together but I must pen it then for the Fleet will not have Stowage enough for the very Paper if it be left to thee possibly His Majesty may make use of it indeed and find out some Cheaper way for Victualling the Navy After this comes Eight Verses out of Gondibert Treat thee Quoth a if ever I Treat thee with Pork I 'le swear the Hog shall have his Skin on I see shew thee but Victuals and thou wil't carry away as much as will serve six men in thy Handkerchief You object Signing in Baptism with the Cross is made a necessary Condition of Church Communion I believe the reason why you are separated in truth is because no body dares let you come to their Christning and so you uuderstanding the words Astragon But those that may have more yet will have less Wiser then Nature make her kindness vain to be meant of Eating No marvel if you think his Discourse the better Scheme of Religion After this he forces himself to talk Religâ—ously again He had almost forgot who he was to be for On my conscience I might have writ for them as well as thee but it would have look'd so like Masculine Truth and Falshood deformed by Ornaments that I resolv'd like a good man to be for Feminine Truth and set nothing but my own best face upon 't to win fair Lady But having been so well paid for his Gibbelineship he gives them one more Acquittance since the rest will scarce prove a Discharge here at the end of his book for their money Do good People if you have any thing more to be ingross'd or Petitions to draw or need any further Instructions how to go on like Fools here 's one that you shall have very fair dealing with he 'l keep touch and receive all you bring him in open Market though he commit it to never so close a Coffer or private Till when you are gone But now I have done And a pious end thou hast made I 'le say that for thee but no body that hop'd to have a Reprieve ever spun out time at last as thou hast done nay and the Decorum on 't is he dies too with an Exhortation in his mouth That people will learn by his Example to be Angry and Merry Merry ar't say'st thou Methinks thou takest more pains then any Horse Let any man but look and see how hard thou art set Why since the Magisterium of the Grand Thesis is gone in Fumâ— thou art come to desire to save but any small matter Though it would but cure the Itch and so fall'st to tyring if thou can'st at least scrue Bayes his words to purport but that he made our Saviour a Player Now Mode and Figure Enthymeme Sorites and Corollary You shall see how betwixt two Stools he does it To put on the person of c. is Induere Personam as sure Trans as Your Grace is Vestra Clementia Then comes What part did he Play How This is a Saltus bona ingenia saltant you should have proceeded with saying Induere Personam was to Act and if any body believed that then have ask'd your Question Come you had all this out of the Answerer of Salmasius and your way had been to have transcrib'd the whole side again just as it lay For I see thou can'st not tell how to apply it Thou wilt make both all the High Sheriffs and Embassadors in Chrisâ—endom Players as thou handlest the matter and in truth I believe though they should be angry they can't chuse but be merry to see how much in the simplicity of thy heart thou dost it And now this last strangling for more breath is the way thou would'st persuade us thou art Merry So to crack'd Pipe and broken Tabor In Meâ—riment Clowns Drudge and Labour Thou hadst much better have let these after drops of thy Manna alone and all thy reasons too since we might have possibly took it for some amends if thou hadst onely told us in short That is as well as I can do Thou shalt see I 'le do Politickly now and give no reason except that I had nothing else to do and End so Onely since thou would'st needs bestow a thing like an Epitaph upon the Author to shew I will not be behindhand with Apollo in Courtesie if you like it take you this Here lies Transprosal That Writ a Book he could not name And Answered the Prefacer to Bishop Bramhall Without Replying a word So I pray remember the Thesis the Thesis Remember the Thesis Trans FINIS By reason of the Authors being in the Countrey these Errata have happened Pag. 21. line 16. read have two husbands or else miscarry of his first child p. 22. l. 12. r. Quibble would be p. 25. l. 5. abroad r. aboard p. 27. l. 23. r. cannot bid p. 29. l. 7. r. Whos 's Honor. p. 32. l. 13. r. Out you Rascal l. 23. advancement r. advertisement p. 25. l. 17. r. I did not p. 36. l. 2. r. St. Thomas p. 40. l. 4. r. endless fops l. 8. after Lycanthropy add for he believes himself a wolf l. 12. r. Auditores p. 44. l. 12. after onely add I have heard that so often and. p. 91. l. 21. r. Anser p. 99. l. 21. r. either p. 101. l. 21. after cause of it add O'ds S'deins you have a shrewd guess and you can't tell the cause of it p. 119. l. 11. finish r. furnish
asks Is this the same thing now No sure but Bayes never told you he never talked but one thing all his life But do these two deserve to be brought to confront one another as contraries or does either confess the Accusation What should one talk further to a Corollary-maker for So in his further Quotations about Magistrates power Inward Conscience that 's a pure word too I wonder who inventd throwing away Butter upon basting of fat meat Can you tell me where a man may buy a piece of Red Scarlet to make a Coat for his outward back And the Wednesday Act he seems sometimes to leave out otherwhile to subjoyn words of the Authors that are not nor never were intended as I guess to be Relatives to the matter he cites before or else he will not or does not understand how that which he represents for contrary is consistent as it really is Here follows but two leaves and a half of most dissolute and groundless Invective that Railing is the most material part of Bayes his Religion his â—eâ—son his Oratory his Practice and the ultimate end of all his books For thy part if this be the way of Triumpâ—ing I believe it will be a most scanâ—alâ—â— thing ere long to get a victory There is nothing in my way that hinders me and so I may now go on to the Preface to Bishop Bramhall I believe the Reader has forgot any such thing was ever mentioned You should have plac'd your Title-page here Well the King puts out his Declaration of Indulgence March the 15th 71. Upon which Bayes fell into many warâ— and glowing Meditations which occasioned his writing this Preface First here Trans brings his Dilemmâ— again You should have mended it though or got a new one for take my word this has a hurt in the Fiddle Next he calls Bayes Incendiary Idle Fellow You are a Shâ—d and a Whit and a very Tim. Give him no more Ale he shall not have a drop more But what Bayes sayes of His Majesty and the Council being toward the later end of his Discourse I am forced to defer that a little he defers that which he is not come to lest there being no method in it I should be in a perpetual maze and never know when I am at my Iourney 's end Marry that 's a provident care indeed for a Mad-man for thou shewest plainly enough I think that thou art in a maze already He continues And here I cannot altogether escape the mentioning of I. O. again Is this Going on to the Preface Do'st thou take I. O. to be the Preface to Bishop Bramhall Prethee tell me in plain words and other folks too that never read word of any of your writings when you come to 't with your Going on and say Hic incipit the Rehearsal Transpros'd or Animadversions upon a late book entituled a Preface c. Now must I run I see to I. O. and a Garden of Flowers and never know but that I also am in a 〈◊〉 there and that I. O. may be a Thief or a Gardner or knows who but Why this is Lardella's Funeral On then Rabbi Harpocrates He the Author singles I. O. out and 〈◊〉 pretence runs down all the Non confâ—â—â—ists This being as he imagined the safest way to undermine and blow up 〈◊〉 Majesty's Declaration If he had run down His Majesty's Declaration he had undermined and blown up all the Noâ— conformists but to run down the Noâ— conformists I suppose is not to undermine or blow up but to take away the subject of His Majesty's Declaration The next thing in the Garden oâ— Preface if they be all one is thâ—â— Bayes you say undertakes to prove that Railing is both lawful aâ—d expedient Now this you say but that you make a conscience of doing it you could prove a sin by Scripture if you would No doubt it requires a great Doctor to do it But why should you make a conscience if any holds it lawful to rail to convince him by Scripture that it is not Nor is it worth ones while to teach him out of other Authors What confute him neither way Why then it seems if he does hold it lawful to rail he may hold it still if he will for Trans What art thou doing or what would'st thou do You say you could quote a place out of my Lord Verulam to his confusion why don't you It is not that where he distinguishes betwixt Idola Tribus and Idola Specus is it If it be you are much in the right for forbearing for that would explain to us how though all your Tribe have a large faculty at mistakes and railing yet you may have an extraordinary gift that way beyond them all and a particular cranâ—y by your self Now this comes of your crying I know what I know Therefore pray next time either tell us down right what you would be at or else I â—ad suppose the whole Play But I must shorten a little and not take notice of every thing out of tender consideration by what I now suffer of the patience and pains of my gentle Reader Otherwise it would be a shorter Penance to injoyn the reading of the whole Book of Martyrs then this of such a one Martyr as it were an easie thing in every line almost to make of you But now you will take a walk in the Garden and gather some of Bayes's flowers I would not advise you to smell on them though for they are all Roses and grow upon that that may chance prick your nostrils mark else The first you observe is that Bayes says Several of the Non-conformists themselves if a Chimney but take fire in the City are immediately crying Iesuits and Firehals To which you Reply I understand you Sir Why does Bayes suspect you to be a Iesuit I 'le assure you I onely suspect there is one that may be of that Religion that is a Coxcomb I don't desire to reflect upon any Societies of men It is not just nor civil and besides forein to my Matter and therefore I would not be so understood but else the World may distinguish if they please betwixt some of that Order that deserve esteem upon the true account of their Wit and others if you be one that have nothing to shew but a troublesome Industry and their being indeed Indefatigable Brambles So walk on And next you seem very tender that the people should cry out Iesuits and Popish plots upon accidents and I say too God forbid that any man be he of what Religion soever should be accused wrongfully But as for any course I see you take to make folks wiser you had better in my opinion have passed this Flower by but perhaps you could not But whereas you say next speaking to the Author Take heed the Reasons which sparkle in your your Discourse have not set their Chimneys on fire I must observe this is something that is darkly said and seems to intimate more
then my Skill dares attempt the explaining After this you say Socinian Books sell as openly as the Bible Since you an so well versed amongst the Booksellers Pray what 's the price of an Answer that contains only a Question What ne'r a word What time of day is it Nor that neither Why you have not forsworn ever making an Answer to any thing again have you Thou art just like the fellow that when he had told the Senate he saw Iulia ascend to Heaven Et pro tam bono Nuntio nemo illi credidisset swore he would never tell any body again for his part if he saw a man kill'd in the open Market place However that honest Gentlemen may not be at a loss they may please to know that I never looked after the Rehearsal Transpros'd till I heard it was come to 18 d. again I find it very dear but if they please to stay a while I suppose they may have it â—'r long for 2 d. or 3 d. or a Groat at most The next Flower we come to is the Termination Ism Whereupon you take occasion as cunningly as you can under pretence of Riming to it first to shew the Church of England is guilty of Schism and secondly that those who separate from Her are not You need not have troubled your self about the former if your Design be onely Toleration and the latter For the reasons you bring for this stand upon their own Bases and borrow not their Strength from Her Example of having first separated from Rome But Trans I smell thee as rank as a Fox otherwise I could have spared taking notice of the Church of Rome The Pope is a Worthy Prince and lives in Italy and long may He live and injoy his health at Castle Gundolpho before ever I 'le begin to disturb him first But if Cardinal Chigi covets Bansted Mutton and Colchester Oysters and can't be contented with Muscadine and Eggs but must have Mornings Draughts out of our Herefordshire Red-streak and Kentish Pipins in this case I must like Frier Iohn take up Arms for my Vineyard and if I catch him there as sure as his Cap 's made of wool I 'le knock him down with a Hop-pole Therefore pray hence forward let alone my Mistress for if you come to fooling with Her I must hedge my Bet and be revenged if I can upon your Wife But to your Arguments and first to the latter Your Author Mr. Hales divides his Discourse of Schism you say into two main Branches The Cause of it and the Occasion of it The Occasion he again subdivides but upon the whole upon this Head he asks Who shall be Iudge Now say we Let that question be asked not onely of who gives the occasion of Schism but of who gives the Cause also or if you please of whether it be a Cause or no. You will perhaps find no body but the Magistrate is proper Judge of either Now to do you a Courtesie Trans if you think this very same answer be not a sufficient reason to warrant our Separation from Rome also Reserving still like you that I know what I know at this time for shortness sake I will trouble you with no other And if you had thought good I might have had your mind in as short a compass as I have told you mine And so you have indeed in less then seven leaves proved as you say that Schism rimes to Ism and just nothing else Now for having undergone this grateful Penance He means done the meritorious Act of transcribing these Citations He exults and Cackles like any Hen that were just come off her Nest after laying in so affected a Style and nonsensical Phrase as Masculine Truth and Falshood deformed by Ornaments that his Commendations of Mr. Hales prove more simple then his Rayling at Bayes and the whole Speech worse if worse can be then that about Additional Civility and when he has done for fear no body should think he could be such a fool expresly tells us He was Serious Here follows a fond Expression which it is easie to apprehend the Prefacer used as repeating words of the Persons whom he answered Yet Trans could not make less then a whole side of it but I shall Next Welcom poor Macedo What the Ioke of that is I don't know Next he undertakes the Patronage of I. O. whose Quarrel but a few leaves since he said He Interested himself no more in then if He were John a Nokes and rayled at by John a Stiles The meaning was it seems He cares not for him as of any Religion but for him or any body else that will but oppose the Church of England Now will I nick thee here Trans worse then any where in all my Book For thy business is onely to Foment our unhappy Differences and I won't speak one word neither against I. O. nor to that Controversie How simply do you next sneer at such things for Flowers as are printed in Books in distinct Characters Is not your own Book full of them A man is put to a hard shift for a conceit if for having it He must Jeer himself Then you pursue for you alwaies run on upon any scent and bring in telling us the advantages Booksellers may set out Books withall as fine paper large fair Letter Calves Leather Covers c. Though this as it happens is the onely useful thing your Book teaches being very necessary Information for us young Authors and so truly I thank you Lovingly and I 'le take a Copy of this But the word he now finds thus marked in the Preface is Categoricalness Ism it seems is lost but there 's another Rattle for the Child like Sheerness Dongioness Innerness and Cathness So he falls a Playing with Ness. Now for all your witty Conceit this does but come from the Nesses Tudes and Ty's of Malmsbury Odi Imitatores which have this difference That they were first His own secondly New thirdly Brief But your's are another Nation of Tartarians as you may see in my Cutter of Colemanstreet Transpros'd Pag. the 84th just at this place But in pursuance Bayes having translated Peace Gal. 5 c. into Peaceableness c. He asks which of the Systematical German Geneva Orthodox Divines Do you understand him beloved you that are his Brethren You see he distinguishes you all from the Orthodox nay of the Sober here I 'm sure he held his Handkerchief before his face to hide his laughing Intelligent Episcopal Divines could not how simple soever you are all have taught him better then such Forgery or Ignorance as this The reason is plain for we shall but be laid by the heels if we don't keep the Peace but to require Peaceableness of us is to exact our being really good and worthy men and that 's worse then a Penal Law Here he takes an occasion from the Day of Iudgment 's having been mentioned betwixt I. O. and the Prefacer in which was no occasion