he shall scarce get water for his hands Once I saw poor Mithophilact in great trouble he was quarrelling near the Colledge of Sorbon with another Author who amongst many injuricus speeches called him Glories Almesman which he went up and down begging from foor to door these last words were over-heard by one of the Beadles that had order to carry all beggars to Bridewell who with his fellows immediately seised on him being ragged enough to justifie him of that profession and I had much ado to perswade them to let him go But at last I effected it remonstrating to them that his Profession of a Poet naturally of it self carried him to Bridewell or at best an Hospital and that therefore there needed no other Beadle than his ill fate to convay him I could tell you very many other pleasant Stories of him but my impatience fore-seeing this Catalogue of Books will not permit it Then Volateâ—â—â—â— who perceived by a nod of Belastre's head that he desired immediate satisfaction continued to read Catalogue of the Books of Mithophilact A Masiados or Gauleidos A Poem Heroick Comick containing the Actions Sayings and Prowesses of Amadis de Gaul and other Noble Knights Divided into 24 Volumes every Volume into 24 Canto's every Canto into 24 Chapters a Work of 1724800 Verses besides the Arguments The Perpetual Motion or Project of an Vniversal Romance Divided into as many Tomes as the Stationer is wiling to pay for Poetical Lamentation of an Author on a loss at removing House Of 14000 Sonnets besides Stanza's Epigrams and other Pieces I was present said Charroselles when this hapned and never saw Author more dejected than he at the News of this accident I endeavored to comfort him as much as possible according to my small talent and being told by the Porter that carried the Papers that they were lost somewhere about the New Market I assured Mitâ—ophilact they had been taken up by some Butter-woman to whom they were most necessary and that he had no more to do but buy as many Pounds of Butter as he had lost Sheets toward recovery of every one of his pieces By my faith said Belastre this is a very malicious Consolation and very suitable to your Genius as you say but cause not the Clerk whom I have ordered to go on to lose time Volaterran therefore began to read in the same tone he had begun A Discourse of the Principles of Poetry or an Introduction to Libertinism The Grand Register of Follies in which are contained all that are committed in this vast Kingdom by an Alphabetical Order This interrupted Charroselles is a brave design I thought upon it before him and had gone thorow with it if I had not fallen into the ill opinion of the Stationers for it suits my Genius exceedingly I have often conferred with the deceased about it who told me he intended 30 Volumes every one as big as the Book of Martyrs or Perkins Works But indeed I still fore-told him let him be never so laborious nay though he devoted his whole life to the Work he would leave it imperfect But excuse said he this interruption and go on Volaterran then continued A Poetical Dictionary or Collection of Words proper for Verses as Charms Arrows Darts Flames Incomparable Beauty Wonder of Nature and the like with a Preface demonstrating that there are not above thirty words in which consists the Poetical Leaven that puffs up Poems and Romances to infinity A Comment on the Book of Roger the Dane 〈◊〉 which by explication of the Moral Allegorical Anagogical Mithological and Aenigmatical Sense appears that all things that are or ever were are contained in it with the Secrets of the Philosophers Stone much clearlier than in Argenis the Dream of Poliphile the Cosmopolite or any other Dedicated to the Overseers of Bedlam A Treatise of Chiromancy for the hands of Apes a Work neither seen nor once imagined before A horrible imprecation against Thersander who first of all taught the Author to make Verses or a Paraphrase on this Text Hinc mihi prima mali labes Rubricology or the Art of Inventing Titles Demonstrating That a handsome Title is the best Broker to make a Book sell Certain Orations and Arguments pronounced at Stationers Hall at a Consultation about printing several Books that had been presented with judgement upon them Midas sitting President where the French Cook and Gardener were received and several good Authors both Ancient and Modern rejected Advice and Memorial to the Kings Attorney to draw a Patent for Incorporating Poets and Authors amongst other Trades of the City treating of the strange abuses crept into these Professions that they ought therefore to be regulated by a Master and Wardens as other bodies that are less considerable Of Dedications of Books with all Questions that may arise about them I beseech you cried out Charroselles very hastily let us read no more how pleasing soever but fall on this in particular for I have often heard it spoken of besides that the Subject is new and very necessary to Authors I would gladly satisfie your curiosity said the Clerk but in what time think you is it possible to read over these Four Volumes I believe Twelve long Vacations were not sufficient Obstinate Charroselles nevertheless would have some read from which he said doubtless they should derive advantage The Clerk all the while turning over the Leaves replied I will give you such satisfaction as my time permits and read you such heads as seem most considerable OF DEDICATIONS OF BOOKS Of Dedications in general and of their good or bad qualities Whether Dedications be absolutely necessary to Books decided in the Negative contrary to the opinion of many Authors both Ancient and Modern Of the first Inventor of Dedications with some Historical Conjectures that they were found out by a Mendicant Confutation of a Popular Error by which some are perswaded that the Name of a Prince or great Lord set in the Frontispiece of a Book can defend it against envy and detraction with many examples that justifie the contrary Consideration of the comparison some have made between their Maecenas's and the Phenix which shews that though it hold in respect of rarity it is very defective as to the time of lasting besides that the ashes of the Maecena's seldom or never produce another of the same kind How to make a judicious choice of Maecenas's and that the most ignorant are the best verified by reasons and inductions A Paradox easily verified That the Greatest Persons are not the best Maecenas's it treats also of a sudden palsie to which Great Mens hands are very subject at the minute of remuneration The Authors indignation against Dedications to unworthy Maecenas's in revenge of which in the First Book he publishes he intends an Epistle Dedicatory to the Hangman Whether consideration ought to be had of the Charges in Binding Form of the Print Florishings Cuts and Capital Letters with other Charges as of
the Picture or Arms of the Great Man sacrificed to with a Notable Observation That such Knacks give a presumption that the Book in it self can pretend to no great merit Treats of Dedicatory Epistles of Second Impressions and what they may pretend to on this occasion a Maecenas was once very pleasant and rewarded the Author that presented it with an old turned Suit Whether any consideration ought to be had of a Stationer that dedicates other mens Works or a Book he hath found out known'd rightly parallelled with those that steal Children to countenance and advantage them in bâ—gging Whether an Author may bring his Action at Law against a Maecenas foâ—â—â—yment of a Dâ—â—â—â—tory Epistle On the contrary Whether a Meenas that payes for a Book before he reads it the Book proving naught may have relief in Chancery A Notable Sentence given in behalf of a poor Author that had made a Dedicatory Epistle in the Name of a Stationer for Thirty Sons by which the Author was admitted to share in the summe of One hundred and fifty Livres a Lord had given the Stationer as a reward for his Dedication with all the Pleadings of the Advocates which admirably set out the misery of Authors and Craft of Stationers Of a very easie and universal way found out by Maecenas's for solving al these difficulties namely To give nothing and on occasion of this a Description of Avarice and the removal of her Lodging in our times where she dwelle in Courts and Palaces whereas formerly she as confined to Cloysters and Colledges Whether Maecenas's ought to pay the Dedications of Books more or less according to the Incense offered up to them in the Epistle with a new Invention of a Pair of Scales to weigh it Of the value of Caret of Praise where it is shewed that to be fine it ought to be of Twenty four Carets that is extended to the highest excess A true Paradox That the most moderate commendations are the best contrary to the opinion of the TImes and Great Men with a Table of the Degrees of Consanguinity between Flattery and Tossing in a Blancket Of Commendations notoriously false with proofs that they should be doubly recompenced and that for two reasons The first Because the Author ought to be considered for the injury he does himself by lying impudently The Second Because the Maecenas will first of all confirm the lie if he makes it not appear a truth by a liberal reward Whether Commendations ought to be higher rewarded in Histories than in Poems and Romances Many advantages of Historian over Poets and Romancers and their excellent opportunities to obliege all manâ—â—â— of Persons the question is Whether the Licence of the later for hyperbolizing and being can equalize them to the former What Wages or Pensions are due to an Author that hath written the History or Genealogy of a Family Of the prodigious number enabled by such Writers Crafty trick of an Author that presented his Maecena's a Book covered only with Blew Paper telling him that was the colour of the Children of the Hospital A Digression concerning Kibed Heels to which Authors are very subject while they wait a favorable hour to present their Books There were many more but Belastre would not stay and told Charroselles You are to thank that Lady pointing to Collantina or you had not seen so much I have prevaricated from the duty of Charge in such a manner as Persons of my Quality seldom do Yet said Collantina since you have gone so far you must needs she me one Piece of which you have made mention in the last Book you read in a certain place where I had a great mind to have interrupted you where the Hang-man is spoken of who being an Officer of Justice to all which I bear a respect I would gladly know what is said of him Very willingly replied Belastre I had the same curiosity and should have complied with it as soon as I came home but we will now look on it immediately He then commanded the Clerk of seek about the middle of the Book that Piece whose Title he had seen in the Table The Clerk obeyed and finding it read thus ☞ THE EPISTLE DEDICATORY to the First Book I intend to publish To the most Redoubtable EXECUTIONER OF High Justice THis is certainly the first Book that hath been dedicated to you and you look on a Present of this nature to be so rare its novelty will surprize you You will possibly fancy I go about to court your good opinion as all Authors do by their Dedications but I assure you there is nothing of it I neither have nor desire to have any obligation to you This is the first Epistle Dedicatory that was ever made without interest by so much the more valuable in that it contains neither disguised nor corrupted Conceptions I have been long weary of seeing Authors sacrifice to such as perhaps came short of you in merit allured by hopes of pensions and recompences they scarce ever attain to nay they seldom acquire such favors as cannot with justice be refused them and it is not long since I saw a deserving person purchase at a very dear rate a place under a pretended Maecenas yet was excluded by the Intrigues of a Prating Parasite that had made a party amongst his Servants Having heard so many Rascals in the Equipage of Great Persons and so many Great Persons that have the Souls of Rascals commended I was strangely tempted to do the like for you and certainly with no less reason than such Flatterers How many of those they so highly vaunt will never rightly understand themselves till they come under your hands They are not so honest in their Profession as you in yours none more punctually executing the Orders of Justice whose principal Pillar you are I do not go about to maintain a Paradox nor with Isocrate and other Orators commend a Busiris the Gowt or a Tertian Ague It seems to me that you may be very conscientiously applauded if for no other reason that you bring many into the right way and open them the Gates of Paradise according to the Proverb That more go thither from the Gallows than from the Churchyard Now to shew that your employment is not ignoble is there not a Countrey in Asia or Africk I know not whether where the King thinks it an honour to hang his Subjects with his own hands and takes this to be so inseparable from his Crown that any that should go about to concern himself in it would be punished as a Traytor When the Holy Fathers called Attila Saladin and so many other Princes the Executioners of Divine Justâ—ce did they not assign you Illustrious Companions Neither is your Dignity a little manifested by your Train for at performance of the Functions of your Magistracy you are attended by Guards and a multitude of Followers How many Officers are there that labour only for you and to give you employment
SCARRON'S CITY Romance Made English Horat. de Arte Poetica Non satis est pulchra esse Poemata Dulcia sunto In the SAVOY Printed by T. N. for H. Herringman at the Sign of the Blew Anchor in the Lower Walk of the New Exchange 1671. THE EPISTLE THough you neither buy nor read this Book but for your pleasure yet if it afford you nothing else you may justly complain both of your loss of time and money but I can assure you it was not writ to delight alone but chiefly to instruct As some Physicians purge with agreeable Potions so some pleasant Books give profitable Advertisements Experience hath taught us the uselessness of Dogmatick Morals and let good Maxims be never so often inculcated they are observed with no less difficulty than attended to with impatience but when we see Vice made ridiculous we amend least we become objects of publick derision The greatest imputation against the Present I now make you is that it treats only of trifles and directs in matters of the slightest consideration But let us recollect how many preach great Vertues and decry great Vices and how few reprehend ordinary defects by how much more frequent by so much more dangerous since becoming habitual we scarce ever take notice of them Do we not daily meet infinite numbers of fantastick brains impertinent covetous and cavelling he and she busie-bodies yet who minds them of their follies unless Comedy and Satyr which leaving to Divines and Magistrates the care of opposing crimes employ themselves in correcting what is indecent and ridiculous and these are no less necessary and often more profitable than all the other serious discourses For as many stand in no need of Professors of Philosophy that cannot be brought up without School-Masters so we rather want Censors of small faults to which we all are subject then of those great ones to which only the corruptest are liable The pleasure we take in rallying others makes us swallow with delight such Physick as is wholsom to our selves to which purpose Histories and Characters ought to be so suited to our Customs that we may believe we discern in them the persons we daily frequent And as an excellent Picture causes our admiration though we have none for the person it represents so Fables well written and under borrowed Titles make greater impression on us than true Names and real Adventures for he that in presence of a crooked man fains to be crooked gives him greater sense of his burthen than the sight of another that hath indeed the same deformity and the Story of Lucrece which you will find in this Book hath as I am credibly informed cured a considerable Maid of this Town of her love to a Lord whose events in all probability must have been like the other All the favour I desire is since I have been so careful to acquaint you there is not any thing here but what is fabulous that you do not vainly enquire after the person whose Portrait or History you imagine you have found out to apply it to such a Gentleman or such a Lady under pretence of resemblance of Name or Character I am sensible enough that reading this Romance your first business will be to seek a Key which yet the mixture of the wards will render useless and when you suppose you see the Picture of one you will find the Adventures of another A Painter that draws Faces guided only by his fancy shall accidentally give some of them Airs not unknown to us though he designes only imaginary Hero's and you when you discover in these figures the resemblances of some of your acquaintance will be too rash if you cry out this is he rather be careful here being Idea's of many Fools that you lite not on your own Effigies THE CITY ROMANCE I Sing the Amours and Adventures of certain Citizens of Paris of both Sexes and though it may seem strange that I sing having no Skill in Musick yet Romances being Poems in Prose I should do ill by any other Exordium to deviate from the examples of my Masters For since old Virgil sung Aeneas and his Arms and Tasso of Poetical Memory distinguished his Work into Canto's their Successors not a jot better Musicians than my self have still repeated the same Tune and begun with the same Note But I will extend my imitation no farther nor fall to invoke the Muses as all Poets use at the beginning of their Work thinking it so necessary that they adventure not on the least Sonnet without a Prayer to which their Deities are but seldom propitious I will omit many other Poetical circumstances and not flea the Eel by beginning at the Tail like those that think to excel and surprise by such a representing an adventure This usually engages them in a confusion that ends not till some charitable Squire or Waiting Gentlewoman comes to illustrate what hath passed by the discovery or surprisal of what tends to understanding the History Instead of deceiving you by such vain subtleties I will honestly and plainly tell you some little Tales or Gallantries happened amongst Persons that are neither Hero's nor Heroines that neither defeat Armies nor subdue Kingdoms but being honest People of an ordinary condition fairly jogge on the High-way Some of them shall be handsom others ill-favoured some wise others foolish and of these I think the greater number Notwithstanding which such as conceive they are better qualified may in them contemplate themselves and profit by examples of follies from which they judge they are the most remote To avoid the over-worn paths which others have beaten the Scene of my Romance shall be moveable sometimes in one Quarter of the Town sometimes in another I will begin with that which hath most of the City commonly called Place Maubert An Author less faithful and more desirous to appear eloquent would be very loath to omit a magnificent description of this place His Encomium should begin with its Name 's Original telling you it was made famous by that renowned Doctor Albertus Magnus who taught there that of old it was called The Place of Master Albert and by corruption of time Place Maubert and if he occasionally writ the Life of its renown'd Godfather he was not the first that made a digression as far from the purpose After this it should be stately built more or less according to the expence his fancy resolv'd on the design of the Place Royal would not at all satisfie him and it must be at least as fair as that where the Carrowsels had wont to be made in the Gallant and Romantick City of Grenada Do not imagine he would describe it as really it is a Triangular Place encompast with mean houses for reception of Tradesmen he would hang himself but he would make it a Square and turn all the Stalls into Galleries or Porches the Windows into Balconies and Posts into Marble Pillars But when he came to describe the Carmelites Church
Architecture should freely display it self perhaps not a little to its prejudice He would present you a Temple beautiful as Diana's of Ephesus supported by 100 Corinthian Pillars fill all the Niches with Statues made by Phidias or Praxiteles and adorn them with Histories in Embossed Figures The Altar should be Jasper or Porphyry and if it came in his head the whole Edifice for in the Countrey of Romances the preciousest Stonâ— cost no more than rubbish Neither would hâ— fail of bedecking â—his Description with Metopes Trigliphes Volutes Stilobates and other uncouth Terms he had found in the Tables of Vitruvius or Vignoles so to perswade many of his Skill in Architecture This makes Authors so itch after such Descriptions that they omit no occasion of making them nay drag them in headlong and to lodge some Vagabond or Pirat that carries all he is worth about him build a Pallace fairer than the Louvre or Seraglio Thanks to my sincerity I am without any care of this and though all these things might with little charge be afforded to set out the Stage had rather present you this piece without pomp or splendor and as was usual of old with a simple Tapistry for all Ornament so that I will not so much as give you the fashion of the Church though considerable enough but leave such as know it not to go at their pleasure to view it or else build it in their imagination in such a manner as best likes them All that I think necessary to acquaint you with is that it is the Center of the City Gallantry and very much frequented because of the liberty allowed there Hither about Noon come Bevies of Ladies whose Mothers within ten years wore Chaperons the certain Mark and distinction of Citizens but these they have gradually so often pared they are at last vanished I shall not need to tell you there come also Gallants of the same stamp the consequence is too natural every one hath her Train of these greater or lesser according as her Beauty or Fortune is attractive One solemn Holyday this Assembly was more numerous then usually and besides the Devout Lovers of Musick were invited by a consent of 24 Violins others flocked to hear an Eloquent Preacher This was an Abbot without any Abbey that is a Son of a good Family in Orders one of which commonly carries that Title His Surplice was laced neatly folded and starched his Beard turned up with Irons his Hair very much frizled to appear the shorter and he affected a kind of lisping that his Tone might be more taking He thought the Excellency of his Sermon was to be valued by the Price of the Pews and he used all possible industry to invite Auditory such especially as would come in Coaches He sent to all his Acquaintance to desire their presence and dispersed Tickets like the Players A fair Maid who was that day to be Collectress for the Poor attracted many and all Gallants that pretended to her favor flocked thither expresly to present her some considerable piece this manner of Collecting being the touch-stone of Maids Beauties and Mens Affections He that presents most is thought to love most and She that collects the greatest Sum is held the fairest in so much that as formerly Gentlemen justified their Mistrisses Beauty with the Lance in Rest against all Opposers so in later times the City proof is for the Mistriss to appear with a Bason in her hand against all Rivals The Collectress was indeed fair and had she not been City born and bred might have been very agreeable to a Man of Quality Expect not yet that I give you her description as is usual on such occasions for when I have told you she was tall and slender quick and rolling Eyes flaxen Hair naturally curled and many other particulars of her Person you will not for all that know her nor that she was perfectly beautiful for she might have had Warts Pushes or Pockholes witness many Hero's and Heroines handsom in Paper and masked in a Romance that are very ill-favored in flesh and blood I could with greater ease have acquitted my self of this by giving you her Picture at the beginning of the Book if the Stationer would have been at the charge and it would have been no less necessary than the Figures of Battels Temples and Navies that signifie nothing but to raise the price of Books yet I blame them not lest I be taxed to reprehend that which is most valuable in our Modern Authors I return to my fair Collectress and for her sake pass by at least till a fitter opportunity all such other Adventures as that day happened in the great Assembly of such as were listed under the Standard of Gallantry This Maid was then in all her glory bedecked to the utmost possibility her Head dressed by a Waiting-Gentlewoman of the Neighbourhood that had immediately learned of one that belonged to the Court She had not only borrowed Jewels but a Lackey also that carried up her Train and though this exceeded her quality she was glad to make use of the occasion to satisfie her vanity nothing being liable to exception that is done to advantage the Church and Charity she was led by her Fathers Head-Clerk as well for necessity as Ostentation for how could she otherwise have traversed the Church on Chairs and Benches at least without the activity of a Rope-Dancer All these Advantages tended well to the Churches profit but before I leave her I must needs acquaint you she was very young it being essential to the History as also that she had much of innocence good nature or simplicity which of these 3 excellent Qualities it was I shall not point out your selves may judge by the consequents At this Solemnity was present an Amphibious Animal that was in the Mornings an Advocate and in the Afternoons a Courtier in the Fore-noons he went in his Gown to the Hall either to plead or listen and in the Evenings as fine as he knew how to make himself courted Ladies He was one of those young Students that in spite of their Birth and Education will pass for Gallants and when they fancy themselves to be drest a la mode and contemn or rally their Kindred imagine they have acquired a degree of elevation above their equals You could not have known him after a change of habit His Hair which he wore short when he went a Mornings to the Hall was in the Evenings covered with a fair Flaxen Periwig most frequently visited by a Comb that was oftner in his hand than his Pocket His Hat bore so great respect to it it durst hardly touch it His Head and Shoulders were alwayes well powdred his Ribbons abundant and his Linnen richly laced but what most set him out was that he had luckily a Wart on his Cheek that gave him an honest pretence to wear a Black Patch in a word he was so fine that a Countrey Gentleman would have made him
might you have had you will all had come to nothing Chuse whether you will thank me or no but I do little less than give you this Money Lucrece surpriz'd at the Complement and more at the conclusion than beginning of the Suit answered in such a manner as expressed a generous contempt of riches pretending she would not out live it and that she had disapproved the whole proceeding She thanked him nevertheless for his good will and that very night sent him a summe of money as a reward for the pains he had taken which he generously refused and next day made him a Present of thrice the value which he courteously received Lucrece was now no longer concerned to publish her secret indisposition but to find new inventions for concealing it which she did as you shall know hereafter but it is best to let her rest a while it being incivil to be too long troublesome to a Maid that is with-child Nicodemus very glad to have thus purchased his quiet went immediately to Javota's Father yet not before he had pacified her Mother by sending her another Looking-Glass another Theorbo and another China Vessel but Vellichou received him not so cheerfully as he expected not much valuing the renunciation of the opposal and under pretence that he which had been guilty of one folly might probably have committed many other demanded time to make enquiry and therefore would have the Wedding deferred which Nicodemus was fain to suffer yet not without regret of the money he had paid in hope of being suddenly married This yet was not the reason of Vollichou's delay but because a day or two before a more advantageous Match had been propounded for his Daughter and that he might have as he called it two Strings to his Bow and if he could engage with the more wealthy immediately break off with the other The other Gallant propounded for Javota was also an Advocate or at least one that went to the Hall in a Bar Gown though the only time he ever appeared there was when he took his Oath to observe the Rules and the truth is he observed them very well for the never had occasion to break them In twenty years he never missed the Hall one Morning in Term time yet no body ever took his Council imploied him to draw a Bill or plead but instead of these he walked still up and down the Hall very busie in discoursing false News and erroneous Politicks censuring the Government amongst such other idle persons as take upon them to be State Controllers Officers in great request and which I wonder are not taxed in the Subsidy-Book in the Afternoons he went to hear Lectures Mountebanks and to all other Publick Diversions that cost nothing for avarice had an absolute dominion over him and was a quality he derived from his Father who was a Haberdasher with his inheritance He was grown very rich by sparing his Money and very grave by sparing his Beard his Name was John Bedou short of stature and grey somewhat flat-nosed and broad-shouldered His Chamber was a Cabinet of Antiquities not in regard of any particular Curiosities but of all its Furniture His Table and Cupboard were ingraven with ancient Figures so tender and delicate I mean the Table and Cupboard it would have been impossible for them to have suffered removal without packeting in Cotton or Straw like Earthen Ware His Stools and Hangings were several pieces every one of them so considerable it had not its fellow Over his Chimney were placed two or three Fire Arms which had rusted there ever since the time of the League At the Beam went cross his Roof hung Cages of Birds taught by himself to sing and whistle But the only thing in which he pretended to be profusive was a Library consisting of Choice Books for he was very careful to select such as were cheapest The several Tomes of one and the same Author were of different Volumes Impressions and Bindings and ever imperfect He avoided to come in good company out of apprehension it might cost him Money and broke off from a Soceity where was very good discourse that might have been instructive to him because at the years end he should have paid Half a Crown for some small conveniences and to a poor man that made clean the room He thought this present too excessive but was willing to give Sixpence which with no small pains and having turned his Pocket encombred with many other Trinkets he at last drew out and amongst the rest a good handful of Crums of Bread which made some rally him and say he had on purpose put these amongst his Money to keep it from rusting as Knives seldom ussd are kept bright in bran this rupture was satisfactory enough to the Company for they perceived his Brain was like a Pumice Stone and could not possibly be polished He wanted not yet some good qualities for he was chaste and sober in an eminent degree and no less possessed of all thrifty vertues He was very bashful which might have become him had he been young He could not look on a woman without blushing like a Cherubim and he was so very shamefaced that still whilest he talked to one he looked on another playing with his Buttons or Bandstrings sometimes gnawing his Gloves and scratching where it itched not in a word he had not the least assurance in his Meen His Clothes were no less ridiculous than it they were Memorials of all Modes that had ever been in vogue in France His Hat and Head were alike pointed his Shoes flat and the soles as even as the Floor He never approved Fashions but when little Bands little Skirts and Strait Breeches were in use these because they spared Stuff he was very Opiniator in adhering to his Hair was fat though his Face was lean and his Beard and Eyebrows very well grown considering how slenderly they were fed It was pity a Plant so excellent and singular in its kind produced no Ciens he therefore spoke of marrying or rather some body else spoke of it for him for he was a man to marry as Princes use to do by an Ambassador as greatness obliges those so did bashfulness him In order yet to this he had a mind to play the Gallant and to visit now and then his Neighbors and that so friendlily that they supped together on Sunday and Holyday Nights every one sending in his Dish where it once pleasantly happened there came in eight Shoulders of Mutton from eight several Families that made up the Company But his greatest expence was at the Carneval when he as well as the rest feasted in his turn I must needs tell a little Story that happened at one of these neighbourly good Fellowships a Scrivenors Wife used to lock up her Bread after she had cut some slices for her Prentices and Maids Suppers and one Night feasting amongst her Neighbours had forgotten to leave them out their Luncheons so that an
Angilica's very good Company who sometime controverted Questions of much Curiosity and endeavoured to imitate all that passes in the rich Alcoves of Ladies of the highest Order On the day of Javota's admittance into this Company it was but thin and not so tumultuous as usually It happened also that the entertainment was sublime and agreeable to which though Javota contributed only by her presence it will not be amiss to insert here a part which she listned to with most remarkable attention To make this Digression excusable whilst it lasts imagine if you please that it happens here as in other Romances that Javota is gone to Sea that a Storm casts her on a forrain Shore or that some Ravisher hath carried her to parts so remote we cannot in a long time hear from her After the first Complements with which the simplest usually come off well enough since they for the most part consist only in a low Reverence and a Gallimaufry pronounced between the teeth in such manner that nothing of it can he heard Hippolita that pleased her self only in learned Discourses soon diverted them from the Vulgar Entertinaments of ordinary Visits and she blamed Lorenca for having begun to talk of the News of the Town and Neighbourhood telling her that smells of the Visit of a Woman that lies in and the tattle of Gossips that in good Companies Books only and high Notions were to be admitted She immediately fell on the Jacket of certain poor Authors who are ever the first that suffer by these Virtuosa's when their critical humor possesses them Assure your selves they were then paid home but excuse me that I silently pass over this Conversation for I dare not name any Author that is alive who would probably accuse me of all that was then spoken though without my abetting It were to little purpose in my excuse to disapprove all the Sentences that had been given against them the very mentioning them would be looked on as a Capital Crime They would use me worse than an Historian or Gazettier who are not obliged to justifie all the passages they relate Besides that these Gallants are so quickly moved that the least raillery or faint commendation puts them in heat and makes them your irreconcilable enemies after which they are mute as to all the renown they before bestowed upon you and this to the great prejudice of the Stationer that is concerned in the Vent of a Book I have too great respect for them to use them as some Writers do who speaking of them only invert their Names hash or anagrammatize them which is to little purpose for if the Names be well disguised the Discourse is obscure without force or ornament or at least can please but very few and if they be discoverable as they almost ever are to what purpose serves the disguise Readers usually finding wayes to get the Key besides that sometimes Pilferers of honour make false ones I will not therefore speak a word to particulars but only of what was said in general at which none can take exceptions if he be not of a very cross humor or have a Conscience very much burthened They first of all expatiated on Poems and Romances and talked much of the Institution of a Poet and wayes of becoming an Author and acquiring repute in the World There is nothing I so passionately desire said Hippolita amongst the rest as to be able to make a Book it is the only thing I envy Men for who make so many I imagine they derive the faculty to do it from the advantage of their Sex There is no need answered Angelica to desire to be of another Sex on that account our own hath in all ages produced such Compositons as Men have envied That is true said Lorenca but they which write well conceal it as if it were a crime and they which write ill are the scorn and Table-talk of the World so that amongst which soever our merit ranges us there accrues no great glory For my part said Philalethe who was the Gallant Man I spoke of I am not of this opinion and hold that they which conceal their knowledge merit double honour because they joyn modesty to ability neither are the others without some praise for their endeavors to raise themselves above their Sex in despite of its weakness And I said Charose les if ever it were in my power would forbid â—ll Women coming in print neither would I ever â—â—ffer their Books to be licenced for the trifling Poetry and Romances they give us so exhaust the Stationers money they have not wherewithal to print Grave Authors that treat of History and Philosophy this hath very sensibly moved me and extreamly wrongs all Writers of a fertil vain of which I can speak by experience Sir It seems to me said Pancrace another Gentleman that was there accidentally your interest obliges to speak but let us consider that though many Romances and Poems are printed many other Voluminous Authors both in Verse and Prose are not left out so that the merit of those the Stationers refuse may be civilly enough questioned If that were all replied Hippolita I would not be a jot troubled for a Stationer that lets me out Romances would desire nothing more than to print for me particularly because I aske no money for scarce any of them ever refuse Copies that are freely given besides I have so many friends and so strong a Cabal I can give them security for the sale That which you have mentioned last is most advantageous for Printing and Selling Books and my bad fortune is to be imputed to the want of it alone At my first coming into the World I unluckily began to satyrize and so incensed all Authors Were I to begin again You would speak favorably of all said Lorenca who had known him long and that would be the worse for you for that is a thing so unusual it were a miracle if it took Well said Charoselles I will no more lament what is passed since it is not to be recalled but I resolve to publish my Treatise of the Grand Cabal which shall discover the Cheats of many of those admired Authors that carry their heads the highest and prove them to be very Pick-locks of Reputaton more worthy to be punished than they which carry false Dice and cut Purses and will find means to get it printed in spite of the Stationers though I give it away to some of the Authors taht have brought up a fashion of Adopting Books It is true said Angelica that Friends and a Cabal have oftentimes served to give Men reputation but that lasted no longer than they had the modesty and discretion to conceal their Works for as soon as they have given them to the Publick that hath been impartial and all reputation that had no solid foundations fell to the ground I was in a mortal fear added Pancrace lest you would have quoted some example that might have
engaged us in a quarrel I mean not one of those in which I know very well how to comport my self with honour But said Philalethe will not you reckon in the same rank those which make Verses to be placed at the beginning of Bocks Prefaces and Comments for these applaud till they are weary without offending in the least the Authors modesty Yes said Charoselles and it is a very good design so to beg fame not but that there may be knavery in it for an Author will sometimes borrow a Name of a friend or suppose a Romantick one and under it be very lavish in his own commendations Amongst friends I may tell you I have practised this with very good success and under a borrowed Name as Commentator to my owne Work burnt incense to my self till I was weary Be this as it may said Hippolita I could never understand how it is possible to make those huge Volumes with concatenation of so many intrigues and accidents I have a hundred times undertaken to make a Romance but could never bring it about for Songs Epigrams and other small pieces it is sufficiently known I acquit my self as well as another and that I can make as many as I please Take notice said Charoselles here is another way to arrive easily at reputation in this wretched Age where we mind nothing but trifles nothing else is valued nothing else sells whilest the sublimest thoughts and noblest conceptions still lie upon our hands It seems then said Angelica you are of that opinion that take Madrigals to be the first steps to renown and great Poems the first towards disgrace 'T is possible added Pancrace but how can such trifles give any honour You mention not their main advantage added Lorenca which is to be se to Tunes That certainly is the reason cried Charoselles that all these small Poets court the best Musicians who never make Airs to any Verses but those of their Favorites for if they should they would have a great deal of work It cannot be denied said Philalethes but this invention is very good for by this means their Verses are sung by the greatest Beauties of the Court after which they are famous thorow the World besides that the goodness of the Tune like Paint deceives and dazles and I have heard many things commended when sung that written had neither rime nor reason I compare them said he to those ill shaped Images which covered over with Glass pass for admirable in a Closet And I said Pancrace to a Droget Suit which the humor of some great Person hath enriched with Embroidery This puts me in mind said Lorenca of a man I have seen at the Court of a great Princess that get a high reputation by that harmonious trifle he had worded many Songs and pretended to have very sublime fancies and indeed they were above all understanding but without this never produced two lines that were not hist at I admire at it said Hippolita for Court Poets have ever their Trains of Applauders Either his Book was very bad or he had few friends That was it I looked for said Charoselles and I hold that there is nothing more necessary to the reputation of a Poet than either to frequent the Court or to have been bred there for a Town-wit is little considerable I would have him have access to all Alcoves Assemblies and Academies of Gallantry with a Mecenas of eminent quality to protect him and make his Works considerable and that in so high a manner that men should be forced to commend them whether they would or no and not to make their Court without doing it I would have him write to the greatest Lords for the Maids of Honour and on all Adventures of the Cabinet counterfeit himself to be in love under some borrowed Name or in a Romance but the highest of his fortune were to write a Maske Play or Epick Poem above which Poets have nothing to aspire to I cannot deny said Angelica but all these inventions especially the countenance and authority of a great Person are very advantageous for three Quarters of the World judge of Books without ever looking on them and are of the opinion of him that first censures them as Sheep still follow their Leader You many adde said Phila-lethes that many talk so long contrary to their judgement that they lose it and at last approve of that they with very great reason at first condemned because they have been so many times obliged to speak favorably of it out of other considerations I my self said Pancrace knew once a Court Poet very much esteemed because Men sometimes made their fortunes by commending his Verses as by bad Verses had before made his own I know him also said Hippolita and find he was not esteemed without reason for amongst all Poets such as enjoy Wealth and Honour have my Vote and for those that have so much they can keep Coaches I think it insolence to censure their Works To be born rich will as soon raise a Poet to renown as the Natural Genius so much talked of and which hath caused it to be said Orators may be bred but Poets must be born And for my part I would advise any that had a mind to be of this Trade to sell all to purchase one of these Chariots of Honour To say truth Poets or Musicians Coaches for both these we daily behold cost no much nay I know a Lords whose Furniture cost but Four Pounds and had the misfortune to be mired in the blowings of some body's Nose neither is the keeping it any great matter such Gallants usually living no other Mens charges whether in Town or Countrey sometimes with one sometimes with another Alas interrupted Charoselles this Discourse is to no purpose I long kept a Coach to this very end likely enough as you know to pass for an Authors Coach yet my Credit is lost amongst these damned Stationers that will print no more of my Works I can give you good counsel said Lorenca and that is to deliver loose Pieces to such as make Collections who suffer nothing to escape them The good give value to the bad as false Money passes when mixed amongst that which is current This invention I thought of answered Charoselles with a great sigh but it would serve but one time for after they had refused a whole Book of mine having bashed it small and presented it in Episodes and Fragments I indeed got the Volume though all my own to be printed under the Title of A Collection of Pieces of several Authors yet the Stationer at last unluckily discovered the trick and reproached me with its lying on his hands I wonder at that answered Philalethes for Collections have formerly sold well It is true they are a little decryed of late in that particular like Wine good for nothing when it runs low though excellent when first set a-broach But said Hippolita do you not find that these Collections make
us famous very easily and at small charge Many Authors are no otherwise known I have a good mind to do the like and can find Odes and Elegies enough to print in my Name which if it be necessary I will prefix to them I think said Angelica this may serve at least for an Essay to-wards reputation for if the Pieces we adventure upon take the glory is our own securely if they fail we are quit for dis-avowing them or saying They were taken from us by stealth and never made by us with intention to publish I acknowledge said Pancrace that such as have reputation and whose Works have gained the approbation of Cabinets and Alcoves have preserved this in Collections but I find not that such as were formerly obscure have had any great success by them for which reason very few Qualified Persons have set their Names to them I was the other day said Philalethes Spectator of a difference that will very well confirm what you say and this was in the Shop of one of the greatest Printers of Collections A well qualified Person that would not pass for a declared Author threatned to beat him for having printed some Verses of Gallantry in his Name and placing it in the Catalogue of Authors at the beginning of the Book which he had posted at the Corners of Streets The Stationer in a lamentable tone nay really weeping said Alas Sir the condition of us poor Stationers is very miserable and we are strangeiy put to it to give content to Authors but just now went one from hence that threatned me no less than you have done because I put not his Name to a Song and saying this he shewed him the Song which was the worst piece in the Book See the difference of humors said Lorenca it had been very pleasant if these two Gallants had put their designs in execution at one and the same time For my part said Charoselles I cannot condemn those that seek glory this way for in Poetry which you know I have alwayes considered as a trifle I have observed the worst Traffick is to deal in gross I mean to print ones Works all together and make a Volume it is a better Method to vent them by parcels and give them out piece by piece as Men use to do by Rattles and Windwills to please Children Your Maxime is sufficiently confirmed by experience said Angelica for we have know Authors whose small Pieces have acquired as much or more glory than Volumes published at once by others and that effectually were of greater merit Wonder not at that said Philalethes the impatient humor of our Nation is tired with long Works and this is remarkable in that such as have in their hands Book of Poetry will sooner read a Sonnet than an Elegy and an Epigram than a Sonnet and if a Book contain onely Epigrams those of four or six Verses shall be read sooner than tose of a dozen I am very glad said Hippolita that small Pieces are better esteemed in France than great ones for for Madrigals I can make themas I list as I said before for there belongs no more to it but to find out a smooth line or two and there is an end whereas it is hard to come by conceits for Epigrams and Verses of State for Sonnets But said Charoselles all this is not enough to make small pieces to take they must suit the times I mean the Mode and for quicker dispatch in the sale the Subject must be choice as on the death of my Ladies little Dog her Parret or some other great Adventure happend in the gallant and poetical Vniverse For my part replied Hippolita above all other I love Distichs because they are commonly ex tempore which I judge to be the most certain token of wit You are not alone in your opinion said Angelica I have know many Women so besotted on these ex tempories they have preferred them to the perfectest Works and most studious endeavours I am not of the opinion of those Ladies Charoselles briskly replied and I know no certainer sign of reprobation in what relates to Poetry than to be taken with such things for they which are best at them are only gay and sportive persons nay sometimes such as are mad are happy enough in them whereas a true esteem belongs only to Pieces wrought with mature deliberations where Art and Nature unite Not but that the greatest Wits may sometimes produce Gallantries on the sudden but it must be done very discreetly or otherwise they expose themselves to strange absurdities as almost all sudden Wits sometimes do Adde to this said Philalethes that no ware is vended that is more deceitful for as at Gaming Ordinaries men often cheat with false Dice no less is done in Academies with Extempories and some take those to have newly seen the light that indeed are old and weather beaten This is true said Pancrace and I have known a certain pleasant fellow well enough looked upon in the World that never went without Pocket Ex tempories and had provided so many on several Subjects that he had large Common Places He usually carried along with him some one with whom he corresponded by whose assistance he diverted the discourse to several Subjects and so drew people into straits where he had laid some Ex temporie ambush and then the Gallant fell on and defeated the bravest Champions of Wit not without the admiration of the Company I am glad said Lorenca to be informed of the deceits that are committed because in any such things be hereafter presented me I shall desire attestations of honest and honourable Persons that they were made in their presence without fraud or covin I said Angelica never applauded such Pieces for this were to sell reputation at a very low rate which I reserve for polite and serious Works particularly for Sonnets which are as one of my good friends calls them the Master-pieces of Poetry and the most Noble of all Poems You will not often be in a condition to be lavish of of them added Charoselles for it requires a great stock of wit to be successful in them neither do many profess the making them and even they for one good one give us a hundred that are bad I have seen so many bad ones said Pancrace I am perswaded the greatest part of them are such and unless some understanding person assure me of their goodness I cannot find in my heart to read them I have said Philalethes been long sensible of the difficulty to make good ones and seen eminent Poets that have acquired glory by great Poems whose reputations have fallen in some Sonnet Now you speak of Sonnets said Javota who had till then been silent I have a very good one about me which a Client of my Fathers left in his Study Pancrace besought her to oblige them with the reading it and adding grace to it I beg of you to excuse me said Javota for it is so
are apt to take fire at the first proposal of love that is made them by one that is handsom for the two Sexes being formed each for other their inclinations to each other are very attractive not unlike a Spring when wound up being in a forced posture returns with greater vigor when it finds liberty The should therefore be governed with much moderation and allowed some freedom whilest the respect of an over-looking eye inspires modesty and banishes licentiousness It is no otherwise with reading if a Maid that is curious be forbidden it she will fall violently upon it and her danger be much the greater because making use of Books without choice and judgement she may lite on some that will immediately corrupt her amongst such I cannot but reckon Astrea for the more naturally he expresses the passions of love the ore powerfully they insinuate into young hearts and with them an imperceptible poison that seises the Vitals before any Antidote can be received Neitehr is it like those other Romances that contain only the Loves of Princes and Potentates which bearing no proportion with ordinary people never move them nor raise in them any desire of imitation It is not strange that Javota brought up in obscurity without any reading to fashion her thoughts or acquaint them with the Passions of Love fell on this Precipice on which all others that are educated like her will also fall No occasion could oblige her to lay aside her Romance unless a Visit to Angelica She sought all occasions of this and begged of her Neighbours to call her as they went by and get leave for her of her Mother Pancrace was also very frequently there because he could no where else get a sight of his Mistriss He admired at the progression she had made in a few dayes reading and at the improvement of her wit She was no longer silent but began to take her share of the Conversation and to make appear that her simplicity was not an effect of incapacity but of want of Education and knowledge of the World He wondered yet more that the work he had begun went so well forward when he found that he had a place in her heart for though she fashioned her self on Astrea's Model and imitated all ehr actions and discourses nay designed to be as rigorous to Pancrace as that Shepherdess was to Celadon she nevertheles came short in experience and addresto conceal her thought so that Pancrace easily discovered them and to comply with her according to the Stile of her Romance acted very well the part of an unfortunate Lover complaining of her cruelty with all the transports and grievances of the most passionate languishers which was very pleasing to Javota desirous to be courted in manner and form according to the Book that had charmed her As soon as he discovered where she lay open he drew great advantages from it He himself began once again to read over Astrea and so well studied it that he admirably personated Celadon and took that Name upon him seeing it was acceptable to his Mistriss she in like manner taking that of Astrea In a word they so well imitated that History it seemed they had a mind to act it over again at least if it was ever acted The Adventure of Alexis excepted which they could not act Pancrace sent her other Romances which she read no less greedily night and day and made so good use of her time that she quickly became one of the nimblest Cacklers of the Parish Her Father and Mother observed well this change in her manner of life and admired at her improvement by frequenting company It seemed to them she grew too knowing and they lamented her as little better than undone and for fear she should grow worse resolved to marry her at Shrovetide All their present trouble was to weigh well the two parties they had on their hands They had engaged with the first but the second as I have told you was much more advantageous Her Mother could not endure Nicodemus since the adventure of the Looking-Glass and Theorbo and the Father had been discontented since the opposal made in behalf of Lucrece though the Lover thought he had very well accommodated the business by the reparation he had made and the discharge he had brought All that now remained was to find a pretence for breaking with him and treating with Bedou and his folâ—y quickly gave them an occasion which though very sleight they neglected not to lay hold on He came one day to visit his Mistriss very gay and pleasant and shewing her a great deal of Gold told her he was the happiest person in the world and that he had won Six hundred Pistols at Dice Mr. Vollichou and his Wife naturally avaritious cheered by the lustre of that noble Mettal without any farther consideration congratulated his good luck and wanted not much of wishing him married to their Daughter as Fortunes Darling but an Uncle of Javota's a grave and judicious Clergy-man remonstrated that as he had then won Six hundred Pistols so change turning the next day he might lose a thousand That he would not advise them to an Alliance with a Gamester that in a moment might be quit of their Daughters Portion besides that few inclined to play took the care they ought of their Family and Profession if therefore they were minded to break off with him they ought not to let slip so handsom an occasion To compleat the misfortune Villeflattin meeting Vollichou the next day asked how his Daughters Wedding came on and without staying for an Answer told him We have plucked good Feathers from our Goose meaning Nicodemus I have procured Mrs Lucrece consderable damages and advantages as I undertook When I concern my self for my friends I never fail He afterwards told him all he had done and that he had gotten his Client Two thousand Crowns on account alone of Nicodemus his fear to stand out the Suit Vollichou took Nicodemus to be either very deboist or very prodigal because he made his peace with Lucrece at so dear a rate and imagined the occasion to be greater than indeed it was This made him swear a breach of which he gave some testimonies to Nicodemus that very night who would not give over for all that He caused it to be confirmed by Javota her self who very heartily made him a frank declaration that she would never be his Wife to which though her friends should compell her she should never either love or endure him Then he perceived it was impossible to row on since both wind and tide were against him if he obstinately pressed forward what could he get but horns and if he went to law the issue was uncertain It is true he could keep Javota bound up but himself would be no less so which would hinder him from seeking his fortune and providing otherwise To make short after two or three dayes irresolution he advised with his friends and not
was a silly expedient in order to her amendment this was out of the Frying Pan into the Fire for although those good Sisters live themselves with all imaginable vertue yet having nothing else to subsist upon they are fain to receive indifferently all manner of Boarders All Women that have a mind to go to law with their Husbands or conceal the irregularity of their lives or other disasters are received and in like manner all Maids whether they would avoid the prosecutions of Gallants or wait to snap some of them Such of them as have experience and understand all the turnings and windings of the world instruct the young innocents that their ill fate brings thither who undergo a Noviciate of Gallantry when it is expected they pass thorow one of Religion In a word in what concerns these Boarders there is no other reformation then that of the Grate which yet signifies nothing to such of them as have liberty to go abroad thrice a Week to look after their affairs besides that there are Parlors in this Nunnery every day so full of company that places are still retained in them before-hand as in the Play-houses Javota quickly gave her Lover notice of the place of her imprisonment and you need not ask if he went thither every day when he went abroad his Sedan-men never asked which way for to go thither became a natural motion to him he could not have wished a place more to his purpose for here he could singly entertain his Mistriss and as long as he pleased whereas before he saw her but seldom and that in company where they were continually interrupted He had now time enough to give her thanks for the generous act she did for his sake and to laugh at the confusion of his unfortunate and ridiculous Rival whose words and actions entertained them long He had time also to let her know that his passion augmented daily and give her such testimonies of it that never two persons were more firmly united When he was forced to leave her he left her Books to entertain her amorous fancies so that between the Parlors and that pleasant Study she passed her time with great content When her Mother visited her she wondred that the place she had confined her to as a punishment and prison did not at all alter her nor inspire her with such thoughts as she desired Seven or eight Moneths being thus passed over and Javota having read all Romances and Books of Gallantry that were in vogue for she began to be knowing in them and could not endure bad ones which would have held her play to eternity Idleness made her Melancholy and she began to be sensible of her want of liberty in this humor she writ to her Parents to desire them to release her This they consented to conditionally that she signed the Contract of Marriage with Advocate Bedou who they thought was still at their devotion but they were out in their reckoning she refused liberty on those terms and after many intreaties and some kind of menaces at last despair or more truly her passion for Pancrace made her condescend to his Proposal of stealing her away I do not hold it necessary to give you here particularly all his passionate expressions and arguments to win her to this no more than the vertuous resistances made by Javota with the Combats between Love and Honour in her Heart for you are little versed in Romances if your memory be it never so bad retain not twenty or thirty of them These use to be so common that I have known some that to express how much of a History they had read would say I am at the eighth stealing away the Lady instead of I am at the Eighth Tome Nay Authors that make no more are to be esteemed very discreet for some bring them in not onely in every Tome but every Book at every Digression or Tale. The greatest Orator or Poet in the World let him be never so inventive can tell you nothing in this kind that you have not heard a hundred times before In some the Proposal is only made and refused in others condescended to to them therefore I refer you if you will take the pains to seek them out and I am sorry for your sakes that those sorts of Books have no Indexes like many others that are neither so big nor so often read You may interlarde this with such as best pleases you and sâ—it best with the subject I thought once to have ordered the Stationer to have left here some empty sheets for the more convenient reception of that you make choice of this would have been satisfactory to all manner of persons for some will blame me for passing over matters so important without giving them their circumstances and others say that to write a Romance without such Combats of Passion which are the best things in them is as if in the Description of a City one should omit its Palaces and Temples but another more hasty and willing to rid a great deal of ground in a little time will be glad of epitomising To return to my subject I freely acknowledge that the reason why I have not written the Combat between Love and Honour in Javota's Heart is because I have no particular Memorials of it it is therefore in your choice to have a good or bad opinion of her I write no Morals but a History only and am not obliged to justifie her neither hath she paid me for it as Historians men desire should be favorable to them are wont to be paid All that I could learn of it is that she was easily gotten away by help of a Ladder of Cords applied to the Garden Walls which were low for the good Nuns had lately bought it of a poor Gardener whose Cabages not so hard to be kept by much as Virgins they well enough secured give occasion to any admirable event in the prosecution of it but it jumps with a wicked Custom that hath been long predominant in Romances all whose Personages are very liable to meet accidentally in remote Countries how contrary wayes soever they have taken or how different soever their designs have been This serves for something at least to save a new description to such as are so very exact in making them of all the places they mention as Authors that intend large Volumes blowing them up as Butchers do their Meat besides that such rancounters give a Connection to the Piece which without them would be much dislocated The truth is that these two Adventurers in Gallantry made a great friendship and they were my heart and my dear the first day giving each other relations of their Adventures but not with too great sincerity But they had no long time to cultivate this for after Lucrece had received two or three Visits at the Grate by such as published the truth of her reformation and being cloistered she privately left the House on pretence of Sickness
not only to an impossibility of presenting them to the publick because the accursed Stationers refuse to print them but also of finding some one that hath the civility to hear them read in private I fear I shall at last be compelled to do like those unfortunate Lovers that recite their Adventures to Woods and Rocks and after the example of a venerable Bede preach to a heap of Stones Did I yet meet the repulses only of Criticks that approved nothing but what they write themselves it were to be borne more easily but to suffer thus from a vulgar person not capable of discerning the defects of my Works could it be supposed they had any and from whom I ought to expect the highest applauses this this is too far beyond all patience Collantina all this while read on and often interrupted our disconsolate Authors sad Meditations pushing him with her Elbow and saying Do you not admire how well my Attorney hath worded this You shall see by and by something of the contrary party and judge how short it comes She also often asked what he thought of it and he that had sworn never to commend any thing and ought himself to be commended that he would not be perjured on this occasion in the terms of a Pedant of which he had not a little the humor told her I find nothing in it nisi verba voces Collantina became a-dry with so long reading which with the heat of the weather obliged this small Pretender to Gallantry to offer her a Collation of which she accepted The Cloth was no sooner laid but the Lady began to poize the Bread in her hand and to find fault that it was not weight and threaten to have the Baker punished This difference with the thrift of him that gave the Treat caused them to fare very ill but the worst was when the reckoning came to be paid Charroselles arguing every particle with the Hoste in this he was very loud and at last seconded by Collantina who resolved to have more than her share in that dispute she her self therefore took the Counters and wrangled on every point even on those that had been already passed by Charroselles She said it was not the value of the thing that moved her but that she would not suffer such exactions and though we must believe this to be done by others out of avarice we may allow it in her only to have pleased her self by contesting But at last Charroselles became liberal by force got free of this trouble to the no little displeasure of Collantina to see him pass by so excellent an occasion of a Suit Our poor Author who got not so much as commendations for all his Charges sought many other occasions in his Visits to Collantina of reading something to her but she ever stood upon her guard not that she had any aversion for his Works but because she had so many other Papers to read that pleased her better One day amongst the rest after several unsuccessful attempts he grew so mad that he resolved to bind her and put a Gag in her Mouth to be revenged and preach to her at his leisure when a new occasion of a Suit interposed I know not what waâ— the subject of their discourse when the Lady told him Now I think on it I have a request to you and would borrow a small Piece that is in the Study of your deceased Father Do you then said Charroselles want any Books of War or Knight Errantry I have the Fortifications of Errart Friâ—â—â— de Ville and Marolois the Engines of John Battista Porta and Solomon de Caux the Treatises of Phurinel and la Colombiere by these to perswade her his Father had been a great Soldier None of these said she it is but a Paper that I want I have divers said he and some very curious all that was written during the League and against the Government Le Divorce Satirique La Ruelle mal assortie La Confession de Sonci and many other Neither any of these replied Collantina but the Copy of a certain Sentence which will be a good President in one of my Suits and as I have been told was pronounced in a Cause to which your Father was Attorney Do you speak this said Charroselles to affront me Do you not know that I am a Gentleman That I have Fiâ—â— thousand Livres a year a Coach two 〈…〉 and a Valet de Chambre and can 〈…〉 me to be the Son of an Attorney What if I should said Collantina I conceive it not any injury for I take an Attorney to be every jot as good as a Gentleman I have a hundred reasons for this one especially very decisive to the advantage of Attorneys for the richest Gentleman could never yet undo the poorest Attorney and there is no Attorney so poor but hath undon many rich Gentleman Without giving him time to interrupt her she that admirably understood the Hall and all that related to it to make appear she talked not at random named the Solicitor and Serjeants he employed the Clerks that had lived with him and Tipling House where he used to drink his Mornings Draught with so many other particulars that Charroselles convinced and confounded at this reproach knew not to what to have recourse but to his impudence and bravely maintained all to be false It seems then said Collantina I have lied and in that very instant blows on the face were reciprocally and respectively given She struck first and cried out Murther first and though she got the fewest blows complained the loudest Poor Charroselles was only on the defensive and though he was not at all restrained by respect of the Sex for he had not any either for Sex or Age the advantage was not on his side for he had not been used to cuff but bite But it was pleasant above all the rest that amongst the Neighbours that came in to part them was the Brother of Collantina that had inherited the Office of Serjeant Though he loved her very well he would not concern himself to part the Combatants who embraced each other not a jot amorously but charging those that came in to bear witness began to write what passed and the faster they fought the faster he writ Our unfortunate Author was at last fain to take to his heels all the Neighbourhood falling upon him and reducing him to as sad a condition as a Bird without feathers When the Serjeant would have sent for a Constable his Sister was very angry bidding him meddle with his business that she was well enough versed in Law to understand how to undo her adversary and that she would reserve to her self alone the honour of beginning and carrying on the action of Battery Going before a Justice she in an instant gave in whole Volumes of Informations and then was most evidently made out the saying of a certain Spanish Author That nothing grows so fast nor so much as a Crime
is a long while since I apostrophised the Master whose Character you questionless expect I give you and you shall have at least some slight touches He was as ugly as one would wish if it be so that ugliness can be wished for but I am not the first that hath used this manner of expression His mouth was wide a sign he loved to talk to his own Ears that were likewise large certain testimonies of the excellency of his wit his Teeth were alternatively placed in his Gums like Battlements on the Walls of an old Castle his Tongue was thick and dry like a Neats-Tongue and no less smoked by the daily vapor of a dozen Pipes of Tobaco his Eyes were little dull and hollow his Nose and Forehead very prominent his Hair Black and Sweaty his Beard Red and dry one of his Shoulders commanded the other as a Mountain does a little Hill and his Statute was as short as his Understanding In a word his Physiognomy had all bad qualities unless to bely him Valiant he must needs be said to be from Head to Foot and this he especially manifested by his Heels and Jaws Ill fortune followed him so close in the Army that in twenty Campania's he got not so much as had been left him by his Father to express less is impossible so that he was forced to seek a subsistance at Paris that proved his best Winter Quarter His mind was very worthy his Body and though it appeared not in its lustre unless on the Bench some sparks of it yet may discover his Character He enquired what the Brazen Horse on the New Bridge was made of and they which perceived his simplicity perswaded him that Fisher-men came in the night to steal hairs out of its tail to make Lines to angle with A Friar one day speaking of the Holy Inquisition he said It was a great mistake to call it holy it having no day in the Almanack Walking once in the Thuilleries some of the Company wondring why that Garden was called so he told them that in former times there had been a King of France called Tuile that gave it his Name was not this to be very knowing in the History of his Countrey Yet I believe he had as much reason as that other Etymologist that derived Salade from Saladin He was so skillful in forain Governments that he used to say The Dog of Venice and Sapire of Persia instead of the Doge and Sophie His Apothegms would be many were a Colliction made of them and might serve for a Supplement to the Book of Sieur Gaulard having much of the same Genius Notwithstanding these ridiculous qualities both of Mind and Body Fortune elevated this Monky to sit on the Bench as Mountebanks do by the like Animals to make the People sport and he became a Justice which degree that would have been an honour to another was the shame of Belastre for so this ridiculous Magistrate was called He acquired his Commission by recommendation of one of quality to whom he was little known There is nothing of which great Persons are so prodigal as of recommendations since they can no wayes more easily recompence real services than by words and complements but nothing having been here merited and some body informing of the small capacity of the pretender sufficiently discovered by his Physiognomy all had been spoiled had he not inveigled a Widdow who thought it no small honour to marry a Magistrate and was so mad for a Husband she would have sought one in the East-Indies this Woman also engaged her Mother a great Doctress famous for her Intrigues and Posted Papers Her Prate more than Skill had acquired her Reputation for curing certain Diseases of the Scrotum and amongst others she drest or rather cheated a Judges Son whom her false reputation had gotten under her cure This Judge was very eminent and had no other weakness but to be too much swayed by his Children by whom he was insatuated Belastre's Wife therefore besought her Mother the Mother her Patient the Patient his Father who thus surprized signed a Certificate in favor of Belastre without ever reading it by this he attested him to be a Gentleman and of good life nay one article said something of his ability after this it was easie for him to obtain many more Certificates all men erring by example and as in a Dance following him that leads After so many authentick testimonies he could not chuse but take though he became afterwards as famous for ignorance as others have been for knowledge He gave outt hat providence above had miraculously advanced him and the Parson of the Parish was not wanting to publish this in his Sermons deceived by his pretended zeal He sometimes endeavoured to justifie himself by the example of a Butcher of Lions chosen Sheriff who when the Governour of the Town admired how he could perform it not knowing how to write and read answered Well though I cannot read and write I can score One testimony of his excellent capacity which he gave before he was made a Justice must not be omitted he was one day walking in the great Hall amongst Officers of the Army that bought Books and he that he might not be singular willing to do the like asked the Stationer for one who desired to know what Book he sought whether in Folio or Quarto Belastre ignorant of those terms of Art had not known what to have said had not some body pointed to a Volume he then answered he would have a great Book the Stationer asked whether of History Philosophy or some other Science Belastre replied that was not very material only he had occasion for a Book But persisted the Stationer that you may not lay out your Money in vain tell me to what purpose you would make use of it Belastre presently replied To press my Bands He understood so little his place that one citing the Law of the Twelve Tables he cried out O what good House-keepers were the Romans Such was the Genius of this Personage and his very Meen did not a little divert all that knew him extreamly pleased not only in considering his Cloaths but comportment He walked the Streets with the state and gravity of a Welsh Judge and when he was upon the Bench had usually his Clerk very near to prompt him He was a most worthy subject of satyr and publick raillery but that was not his greatest misfortune for he could make a better shift against the girds of Authors than against the Actions of Collantina who very unluckily for him had a Cause determined before him importing only 10 Groats in which not obtaining satisfaction she threatned him on the very Bench and at last found out something owing by him to one of her relations Though she had no interest in the affair she put her self at the head of those that prosecuted him but faintly because of his Office with so many tricks and devices as confounded the poor man
The subject of this he took from an imprisonment imposed upon him by an Order Collantina had procured for recovery of a Fine He sought in the Terms of the Law which lay constantly on his Table for the most extravagant and barbarous words as School-boys make use of Textor's Epithites and having composed a Letter very little worth and as little intelligible had recourse to his Clerk who expunging almost all renued it in the following terms Belastre's Letter to Collantina Madam IF I complain against your rigors it is not for having imprisoned me but that in contempt of Sentences for my enlargement your Charms have over and above decreed against my heart which having notice of it hath voluntarily rendered it self in the Jail of your Merit it will not appeal from that Decree nor petition for Prohibitions against Proceeding but on the contrary submits to all that you please to impose upon it if you will not rather admitting its Justifications seal the pardon of my temerity out of consideration that the Case is very pardonable and that if I offended you it was only in defence of my heart to which purpose making all protestations that are to be made particularly to be whilest I live Your most humble and most patient Servant BELASTRE Having finished this Letter he looked on the stile as admirable applauding himself as if it had been his own composition because he had put in two or three terms of Law which gave his Clerk hints of drawing it up and as soon as he had written it over fair sent it to Collantina I cannot precisely tell you what impression this made on her thoughts since there was no spie to give relation a great misfortune and very extraordinary for at the reception of such a Letter there ought according to rule to have been some body that observed all words and changes of countenance most sincere testimonies of Ladies thoughts and that discover them sometimes very indiscreetly But there happened a greater misfortune that the Answer for she hath since acknowledged that she answered was lost because having no Lackey she put her Letter in one of the Boxes for the receipt of Post-Letters with two-pence the immediate cause of most unhappy influences on all Letters that are paid for before-hand If we may yet make conjectures on the success of this Letter the stile was very pleasing to Collantina as extreamly sutable to her Genius augmenting her esteem for Belastre and causing her to judge him worthy of a more smart prosecution which she indeed performed for she changed the old Proverb That they which love well correct well to They which love well prosecute well Belastre for his part pressed on omitting no occasion of complementing and courting Collantina I mean without prejudice of his rights and pretences He sent her the best that was to be had at Bakers and Victuallers presents that accrued to the Exercrise of his Function He caused place to be made for her at the Sessions and Executions and at last apeing Gallants who whethet Poets or not suppose they cannot make love without making Verses being extreamly addicted to Formalities would not neglect one that is thought essential but not being so foolish on the sudden as to go about to make them on his own head nor knowing how else to come by them not having right expresly to command any to make them for him nor wherewithal to buy them these being Priviledges that belong only to great and wealthy persons he found a middle expedient to take out of some printed Book those he thought fittest for his purpose a litttle disfiguring them that they might pass for his own more securely and because his theft would be the more discoverable if he made it upon any of those Modern Authors are daily read by every body he was careful to seek out the ancientest Poets that could be found Guess now by what he judged whether an Author were Ancient or Modern for he neither knew the time they lived in nor yet their Stile or Name he therefore went to the New-Bridge amongst the Sellers of Old Books and there chose such as he found most greasie and dogs-ear'd supposing them of greatest antiquity There he one day lit on a Theophile with all those marks and bought it at twice what it was worth thinking he had made an excellent Bargain and cheated the Stationer After tumbling it up and down he drew some extracts from it which if they related to love he without farther consideration took to be admirable some of these he sent to Collantina after he had corrected and ordered them at his pleasure that is corrupted and spoiled them He that carried them was commanded to say he saw them made on a sudden and that Belastre had not time to pollish them Though Collantina understood nothing at all of Poetry she yet put a high esteem on those he sent her not as good or yet as bad but because made for her sake for such women be they never so foolish and ignorant are more elevated by these than Persons of Quality that are wont to receive them she therefore shewed them as great rarites to all that visited her even from her Attorney to her Laundress but she expected that Charroselles should prove their greatest admirer As soon as she saw him she ran with them in her hand to meet him who immediately became pale as fearing a Sub-poena and suddenly cried Could you have imagined Verses should have been made in my commendations look here though you that make Books never had the wit to write any thing for me Charroselles muttered between his teeth a kind of Complement it would have been hard to decipher and received the Papers trembling apprehending to suffer more in reading these Verses than had they contained Law French in Court-hand He immediately fore-saw it would cost him commendations constantly exacted by all that present their Verses to be read and this was to him an insupportable punishment but he came off better cheap for as soon as he cast his eyes upon them he discovered the theft and told Collantina they were Theophile's and that they fooled her that went about to perswade her they were made expresly for her and for conviction brought her the printed Book which Collantina received with a great deal of joy not faling to affront poor Belastre the next time he came to see her telling him as soon as he entred that she had gotten a definitive Sentence she would produce against him Belastre that no more doubted of being discovered than if he had robbed amongst the Antipodes thought she spoke of her Suit and answered he would move for an Appeal but Collantina to disabuse him told him she spoke of the Verses he had sent her and added Truly Sir you have reason to say that Verses cost no pains since you find them ready made Belastre that expected infinite thanks was strangely surprized at this raillery yet no less confident than a Knight of
the Post desperately swore he made them expresly for her But what will you lay replied Collantina that I do not shew you them printed in this Book All that you please said Belastre who observing the Book she had in her hand was new bound never doubted it could be the same with his own which he took to be very old A Wager having been made for a Collation the Book was opened in the place of the theft marked by a great turning down the leaf which no less surprized Belastre than had his Confession been divulged He enquired then the Name of him that could discover so great a secret and being told it was his Rival accused him of Magick he really thought it must be either a Witch or Devil that could discover a thing so much concealed for argued he either this man hath read all the Books in the world and can say them by heart or he cannot have seen mine which is the oldest that can be found A little after this ridiculous reasoning common enough among the ignorant having paid his Wager he took leave and to be revenged on his Rival went to Council to know how to draw up a Bill of Indictment against a Conjurer They told him he must first of all have a witness Well said he where may I find one I will send my Constables to fetch him This made all that were present laugh but he added in choler Why are not Witnesses Officers they shall do their duty or I will lay them by the heels The laughter was redoubled and Belastre persisting said Do you think I am so ignorant to believe that in France where the Government is exact and Officers so abundant I shall want such as are necessary towards indicting a Conjurer but for all his choler he was fain to defer his revenge to another occasion That he might for the time to come avoid the like affront and repair that he had received he resolved cost what it would to make some Verses on his own head which as soon as he had once attempted he thought it impossible not to make them this is a Disease may very fitly be compared to the Gout or Gravel of which whoever hath one fit is never free all the rest of his life He was very much troubled to discover what were their materials and having tumbled over many Books chance brought before him a certain passage where a certain Poet admired how he came to make so good Verses having never drunk of Hipocrene the resemblance of the Name made him take this for Hipocras and sent to the Tavern to bespeak some Hipocras to make Verses with and was laughed at for his labour but he added If you have none make it purposely for me and I will pay you though it cost a Crown a Pint. Another time having read that towards making excellent Verses it was necessary to be in fury to tear ones Hairs and bite ones Nails he practised this very exactly He gnawed his Nails till he fetched Blood pulled of his Hair till he was almost bald and put himself into such a Choler for he understood no other fury that his young Clerks became great Sufferers and long carried the Marks of his Poetical Vein on their Shoulders At last he had recourse to his Head-Clerk who also dabbled in Poetry and made Verses wretched ones you may imagine and a little before had caused a Pastoral of his composing to be acted in his Chamber on a Stage made of Boards and Barrel Heads adorned with his Bed Curtains and two pieces of striped Stuff Thâ—s man taught him how to scan Verses on his Fingers which he before measured with a Pair of Compasses for he could not conceive that any thing more went to making Verses than to draw words into files as he had seen soldiers placed at Countrey Trainings This brave Tutor also told him there were Rimes Masculine and Feminine at which Belastre exclaimed with admiration do Verses then ingender like Animals At last after some Moneths Apprentiship and scribbling as much Paper as a scrupulous Maker of Anagrams he framed three Coplets not without as much sweating as one that had played four sets of six at Tennice He had also heard that to make good Verses one must get the favour of the Muses to whom all great Poets applied themselves and marked four lines of Virgil which his Clerk said were the invocation of the Aeneids and having conned them recited them still as devout Oraisons every time he went to work Having as he imagined so good success in his design after a hundred applauses to himself for the most ignorant are still the most satisfied in their own productions he went with this Master-piece in his Pocket to visit Collantina where he entred with a strange confidence to efface his late affront crying I defie you to prove these Verses stollen for all the Books in the World have no-nothing like them not that I care for pretending my self an Author or a Wit but to let you see that when I have a mind to it I can make Verses like a Gentleman Charroselles was come in a little before very unfortunately for him and hearing him name these Verses trouble some to all knowing Persons never considering whether he had a rational Antagonist immediately cried out What do you mean by making Verses like a Gentleman such wretched as tire all the world Belastre ventured to reply he meant Verses made by Gentlemen out of Gallantry alone without understanding the Rules of Poetry or ever having read or made it their Profession Why the Devil do they meddle in it if it be not their profession said Charroselles something in heat Will any body excuse a Mason that makes a bad Kettle or a Smith a bad Slipper because they belong not to their Profession Would not all the world laugh to see a Lawyer that makes no Profession of Courage go on to the assault of a Breach and there shew himself a Coward I have no less contempt for Gentlemen that pretending to acquire esteem amongst Ladies neglect Arms Tiltings and Riding the Great Horse and affect to be thought Wits or Poets yet millions of wretched Verses pass under this specious Title of En Cavalier that justle away all the good and take their places How many Ladies are there that slight passionate and excellent Poems made by some man of parts with all imaginable industry and admire the trumpery of a Pen no smoother than that of Erra Pater or Nostredâ—mus O Muses if it be so that your assistance is necessary to Lovers why suffer you those that dawbe and disfigure you to be favored by your Meditations and your dearest Children to be ordinarily slighted This Enthusiasme had extreamly transported Charroselles for his invectives were ever long though he had no great interest in this seldom making any Verses had not Collantines impatience interrupted him saying aloud Without more preambles let us see the Verses you talk of be they
with a Bill one may do more mischief than with a Satyr Their adverse parties are still fain to redeem themselves from their vexations with money or abandoning part of what is contested so that how bad soever their cause be if they can but spin it out in length they get by it Your speaking of those that take pleasure in pleading interrupted Charroselles puts me in mind of a rancounter I had the other day at the Hall I met there a Countrey Gentleman that having given a Box on the Ear to an Attorney one of his Neighbours was terribly prosecuted and at last condemned in great costs and damages I heard one of his Countreymen say Well Battista so it seems this Cudgel-Attorney was called thou hast lost thy Suit What then said he I can have another when I please The laughter caused by this made some enquire the grounds of the Suit and at last grant that nothing was more easie than to obtain such Suits but that it was not the way to grow rich I speak not of such kind of Suits then said Collantina God bless us from them nothing is so dangerous as to be Defendant in Criminal Affairs but I mean such litigious ones as may be bought good cheap of necessitous and ignorant persons by this Trade I have long subsisted and complain not I have already undone by it seven good Yeomen and four Families of substantial Citizens besides that I have three Gentlemen now in my clutches and doubt not but by divine assistance to reduce them all to beggery Collantina then began to relate her exploits as well in gross as particular and had not so soon given over without Belastre's interruption who said Without going any farther you have given me sufficient proofs of your skill and have been long vexations to me on a pretence on which there is not a farthing due How cried Collantina in choler do you owe me nothing Have you the impudence to justifie this I shall make you see the contrary and refer my self to this Gentleman pointing to Charroselles they then both of them attempted to relate the several Suits they had against each other before Charroselles as if he had been their competent Judge and both talked at one and the same time pleaded argued and contested neither of them giving ear to the other It is very usual with Clients to make the first man they meet their Judge to plead their Cause before him and take his opinion yet not definitive so that though I had extended this interposed Story a great deal farther I had done no wrong to probability but it would have been pleasant only to the Auditors and not a jot so to the relator They had scarcely agreed who should speak first for this point was long debated when some body knocked at the door which proved Belastre's Clerk who came to him to Collantina's knowing he was there to get him to sign the Copy of an Inventory he had newly taken besides which he had under his arms a large green Bag of many Papers specified in the Inventory and deposited in the Office to secure the Fees of the Officers His arrival made a truce between the two pleading parties and after a short private Audience of Belastre this Clark called Volaterran gave the Inventory to be signed by this Venerable Magistrate Charroselles that had an Oar in every bodys Boat was curious to see it and stooping down on pretence of one of his Gloves read this Inscription endorsed upon it Mithophilact's Inventory How cried he out Is poor Mithophilacte dead he that hath been so famous in Paris as well for his manner of living as his Works I am confident he hath left many Curiosities behind him If you have a mind to see them said the Clerk very civilly contrary to the Custom of such Cattle this Inventory I have drawn up is very exact You could not do me a greater pleasure said Charroselles Nor me added Collantina Belastre was also willing to hear read a piece he was to sign thinking it might in some sort recommend him to Collantina so that he not only praised their curiosity but by vertue of his authority over the Clerk commanded him to give them satisfaction The Clerk obeying sate down and the rest of them having done the like after silence made read as follows Mithopilacts Inventory IN the year 1670 I beseech you said Charroselles pass over these insignificant formalities How cried Collantina Insignificant you mistake nothing is more essential I should grant that replied Charroselles if a Bill were to be drawn up or a Sentence to be given but all our curiosity at present being to take cognisance of the Goods and Chattels of Mithophilacte it were but time and talk cast away This prevailed to the grief of Belastre that took no little pleasure in circumstances First of all a Bed in which the party deceased then lay made up of three Planks upon two Tressels a Mattress with an old Valese that served for a Bolster with a Counterpain of Striped Staff Item Two Matted Chairs with a limping Couch covered with Dornix Also a Firre Chest on which we found our Seals unviolated and in it only the Papers hereafter mentioned For Gods sake said Charroselles let us make haste to these Papers which I only desire to see expecting amongst them something excellent The rest of his Moveables we may very well judge of by what hath appeared already and it is evident enough that poor Mithophilact died extreamly necessitous I no longer wonder that he was so unwilling to be visited and so careful to conceal his Lodging from his most intimate friends to whom it was as indiscoverable as the fountains of Nile and expecting no less misery through the whole Inventory Good Mr Scrivener dispatch and fall to the List of his Papers since the Companies curiosity aims at nothing else This was done as soon as said and Vellaterran having skipped over several leaves thus continued First of all the Testament or Last Will of the Deceased dated the 13th April For Gods sake once again said Charroselles we have nothing to do with dates let us only hear the Legacies and pass by the Preamble with those flourishes of Scrivenors that serve for nothing but to waste Parchment The Clerk then took the Will in his hand and hastily mumbling over two or three sheets of formalities began with a more intelligible voice to read the following clauses Imprimis For what concerns my Funeral I leave the care of it to the Landlord of the House where I shall depart not doubting but his courtesie would have obliged him to it though I had not made it my request Item To all poor Authors that shall attend my corps I give and bequeath one printed Copy of a Book written by me intituled The Poets Daily Exercise in which they shall find a most admirable example of constancy in supporting hunger and misery with a most zealous Prayer composed by me in their behalf
that rich men may have greater compassion on their condition than they ever had on mine I also give and bequeath to Claude Catharinet my best friend and second self my Almanack of Dinzers containing the Names and Dwellings of all my acquaintance with observations made by me of the blind side of Great Persons the better to flatter and screw my self into their good opinions as also into those of their Porters and Stewards hoping that by help of this Work he may get a subsistance as I have hitherto done Item To all my pretended Maecena's I give and bequeath a free discharge of all that may be owing to me by them for Incense burnt in Dedicatory Epistles Panegyricks Epithalamiums and Sonnets or in any other manner whatsoever being no wayes desirous that their souls should be tormented in the world to come as probably they will be for having kept back the Salary so justly due to me I do no less in behalf of the wicked Stationers that have eaten the fruit of my labours and under whom I have so extreamly suffered since I lay at their mercy Item I give and bequeath to George Soulas formerly my Servant and Amanuensis but now by a frequent fingring my Works become my Comrade and Brother in Apollo as well in consideration of the Wages I owe him as out of pure liberality all the remainder of my Works and Papers as well printed as to be printed with all such profits as can be recovered of Comedians Stationers and all other persons to whom he shall present or dedicate them yet upon condition and under penalty of revocation that he cause these Manuscripts to be printed in my Name not his own without robbing me of the honour may from thence accrue as I know some pilfering Authors have formerly practised Item I constitute and appoint John Freyar Stationer to be the Executor of this my Last Will and Testament in consideration whereof I require of George Soulas the sole inheritor of my Works when he shall print any of them to give him preference before all others in recompence of the loss he hath sustained by the decried Pieces of mine he hath printed which would not sell c. Really then said Charroselles I had a great esteem for poor Mithophilact but I am not pleased that he courts these small Stationers It is sufficiently known how they stand upon their terms when Copies are offered them They accept none but those of a certain Cabal they fancy and these at their own price for though others were thrown at their heads they would not bestow the printing them You have above a hundred times made me this complaint of your Stationers said Collantina why would you have them print your Books if they cannot hope to sell them Why do you not print them at your own charge like a certain Author I have heard talk on that hath a Thousand pounds worth lying on his hands Were I you I would rather sell my Coach and Horses to purchase glory since you are so hungry after it or why do you not rather give over all Baubles of Philosophical Romantick and Historick Compositions and write Tenures and Law Cases these are the Books that sell and of which Stationers are no less greedy than of Geneva Bibles But I beseech you let us quit this Subject for I perceive you desire to reply with a tedious complaint Since the company hath a curiosity to see these Papers let us pass to Conveyances and Settlements of Land and Houses which are the considerable points of an Inventory Of these things said Belastre we have not found any only many Actions for Passive Debts neither does the rest of the Inventory contain any thing but Manuscripts which one of the heirs required us to put into it that he might procure them to be delivered to him since as he says the deceased so bequeathed them These are the only things we desire replied Charroselles and these I believe are the Legacies to George Soulas you have heard of I beseech you let us make haste to look over this Catalogue I am against it said Collantina and first of all require one Article of the Will to be explained Concerning the Almanack of Dinners left to Catharinet and which it says is sufficient for him to subsist upon Content answered Belastre I will cause my Clerk to seek it for I very well remember I put it in the Inventory I shall have much ado to find it now replied Volaterran for it contains not above five or six leaves and is amongst a great many other Papers but I can tell you the substance of it having considered it very attentively This Almanack of Dinners is made in form of a Table divided into Columns and contains a List of all that keep Open Houses in Paris as also of all other acquaintances of the deceased with whom he used to dine It is divided into Moneths Weeks and Dayes just like an Almanack assigning Meals on certain Dayes at the Tables of certain Great Persons On Monday at such a Lords on Tuesday at such a Bishops thus he subsisted the whole year and in case of necessity if all failed had recourse to a Gaming Ordinary and munificence of a lucky hand This said Charroselles gives us sufficient light of the whole Piece and without seeing any more I could very well write a Comment on it for I am afraid it resembles an Almanack in nothing so much as Fasting Dayes of which I belive it contains more than are commnanded by the Church And in place of the Prognosticks that are wont to accompany every Moon I suppose it fit to write here very often Great Famine Dearth of Friends House-keeping broke up Predictions more infallible than Lillies I conceive he might also have composed an Historical Almanack of Feasts and Weddings where he had been and marked all his good and bad dayes in such a Calendar This man said Collantina was certainly in a most wretched condition since he could not live without sharking which is in my mind below the meanest employment and unworthy of him that can otherwise obtain bread and water That consequence is not good quoth Charroselles I know Lords and others of plentiful fortunes that make not the least scruple of being habitual Sharks at certain good Tables and our poor Mithophilact often complained of this disorder For said he those men under pretence of capacity or experience in the Legend of Sauces and exquisite Pallates think it belongs to them as their due to censure the best Tables who cannot obtain an opinion of curious and delicate without their approbation This so far transported him and others that they called such persons sacrilegious for eating up the bread of the poor I yet hold him excusable who went not out of Epicurism but necessity for in what other manner can an Author that hath no revenue live It is to little purpose for him to labour night and day at the Stationers mercy from whom