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A18918 An almond for a parrat, or Cutbert Curry-knaues almes Fit for the knaue Martin, and the rest of those impudent beggers, that can not be content to stay their stomakes with a benefice, but they will needes breake their fastes with our bishops. Risum sum plenus. Therefore beware (gentle reader) you catch not the hicket with laughing. Nash, Thomas, 1567-1601.; Lyly, John, 1554?-1606, attributed name. 1589 (1589) STC 534; ESTC S104396 29,496 48

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why should we tie our Ministrie to the prophane studies of the Uniuersitie What is Logicke but the highe waie to wrangling contayning in it a world of bibble babble Néede we anie of your Gréeke Latine Hebrue or anie such gibbrige when wée haue the word of God in English Go to go to you are a great company of vaine men that stand vpon your degrées and tongues with tittle tattle I cannot tell what when as if you looke into the matter as you ought the Apostles knew neare a Letter of the booke I wis it were not two pins hurt if your Colledges wer fired ouer your heades and you turnde a begging forth your fellowshippes like Fryers and Monkes vp and downe the Countrie I marie sir this is somewhat like now Martin speakes like himselfe I dare saie for him good man he could be contented there were nere a maister of Art Bachelour of Diuinitie Doctor or Bishop in England on that condition he prest Fishermen scullers Co●pers Stitchers Weauers and Coblers into theyr places You talke of a Harmonie of the Churches but héere would be a consort of knauerie worth the publishing to all posteritie Would you not laugh to sée Cli. the Cobler and New the souter ierking out theyr elbowes in euerie Pulpit Why I am sure Ladie Law would fast mans flesh a whole moneth together but shée woulde giue either of them a gowne cloth on that condition My selfe doe knowe a zealous Preacher in Ipswich that beeing but a while a goe a stage player will now take vpon him to brandish a Text agaynst Bishoppes as well as the best Martinist in all Suffolke Why I praie you goe no farther then Batter haue wée not there a reuerent Pastour of Martines owne making that vnderstands not a bit of Latine nor neuer dyd so much as looke towards the Uniuersitie in his life yet you sée for a néede he can helpe discipline out of the durt and come ouer our Cleargie verie handsomely with an héere is to bée noted Oh he is olde dogge at expounding and deade sure at a Catechisme alwayes prouided that it bée but halfe a shéete long and he be two yéeres about it And well too my maisters for such a one that vauntes himselfe to bée as hée is as good a Gentleman euerie inch of him as anie is in all Stafford shéere Bée what he will one thing I wote hée is seldome without a good Chéefe in his studie besides apples and nuttes although his wise can neuer come at them I hearde not long since of a stoute conference hée had with a yong scholer who taking my Deske-man somewhat tardie in his disputations told him hée was inspired with too much Logique Wherevnto hée replyed with this solempne protestatiō I thank God al the world cannot accuse me of that arte I hope anon maister Martin I shall bée méetelie euen with you for your knauerie if I goe but two mile further in your Ministrie It is not the Primitiue Church shall beare out the Uicar of little Down in Norfolke in groaping his owne hennes like a Cotqueane I am to come ouer him when I haue more leasure for his tenne shillings Sermons at Thetforde wherein if he raue as hée was wont to doe Ile make him wishe that hée had béene still Usher of Westminster Well to the purpose You saie Bishoppes are no Magistrates because they are no lawfull Magistrates Is it euen so brother Timothie will it neuer be better must I euer leade you vp and downe antiquitie by the nose lyke an Asse May neither Scriptures nor Fathers goe for paiment with you but still you will bée reducing vs to the president of the persecuted Church and so confounde the discipline of warre and peace If you will néedes make vs the apes of all their extremities why doe not you vrge the vse of that communitie wherein Ananias and Saphira were vnfaythfull Perswade Noble men and Gentlemen to sell theyr landes and laie the money at your féete take awaie the title of mine and thine from amongst vs and let the worlde knowe you héereafter by the name of Anabaptistes Admit that the authoritie of Bishoppes were as vnlawfull as you woulde make it yet since it is imposed vnto them by the Princes owne mouth and ratified by the approbation of so many Kings and Emperours as well in their particular Parliamentes as generall counsayles you are bounde in conscience to reuerence it and in all humilitie to regarde it insomuch as Christ denide not tribute to Caesar an vsurper nor appealde from Pilate a Pagan who occupied that place by the intrusion of tyrannie Were the Israelites in captiuitie anie whit exempted from the obedience of subiectes in that they liued vnder the scepter of Nabuchodonesor an Idolater who had blasphemed their God defafaced their Temple and defiled their holie vesselles Nay are they not expreslie commaunded by the Lordes owne mouth to honour him as their King Howe can they then escape the dampnation of contempte that béeing priuate subiectes to such a vertuous Soueraigne as is zealous of Gods glorie will controll her disposing of honours and oppose vnto publique derision those the especiall pillers and ornamentes of her state whome shée hath graced from their infancie with so many sundrie ascentes of dignities But were this all then shoulde not treason bée such a braunche of your religion as it is Haue not you and your followers vndermined her Graces Throane as much as traytours might call to minde the badde practise of your brother the Booke-binder and his accomplishes at Burie who béeing as hotte spirited as your worshippes in the schismaticall subiect of reformation and séeing it woulde not come of halfe kindlie to theyr contentment made no more a doe but added this newe Posie to her Maiesties armes Those that bée neither hotte nor colde Ile spue them out of my mouth sayth the Lorde Denie this and Ile bring a whole Assizes as Obsignatos testes of your trecherie To come neerer to thée Brother Martin Hast not thou in thy firste booke agaynst Doctour Bridges as also in Hay anie worke for Cooper excluded her Highnesse from all Ecclesiasticall gouernement saying shée hath neyther skill nor commission as shée is a Magistrate to substitute anie member or minister in the Church And in an other place that there is neither vse nor place in the Church for members ministers or officers of the magistrates making If this wyll not come in compasse of treason then farewell the title of Supremacie and welcome agayne vnto Poperie By this time I thinke good-man Puritan that thou art perswaded that I knowe as well as thy owne conscience thée namely Martin Makebate of Englande to bée a moste scuruie and beggerlie benefactor to obedience per consequens to feare neyther men nor that God who can cast both bodie and soule into vnquenchable fire In which respect I neyther account you of the Churche nor esteeme of your bloude otherwise then the bloud of Infidelles Talke as long as
a iackanapes on his wiues shoulders scold for the best game with all that come He is sauing a reuerence a spritish dispuer and a pestilent below at an vnperfect sillogisme Nay mark me well take me at my words he shal speake false Latine forge a text abuse a Bishop or make a lie of reuelation for more then I speak off with any man in Engāld Neither do I flatter him herin for he hears me not if I did it were no matter considering that virtus laudata crescit From iest to ernest I appeale to you Gentlemen how ridiculous in pollicy this disputation would proue if it were granted First for there Bibles the touchstone of all controuersies they must bee of their Fauorites translation or els they will deny there authority as friuolous Admit they go to the originall which but few of them vnderstand they wil haue euery man his sundry interpretation Let our deuines alledge any text they will expound it as they list say the fathers or other auncient writers what they will For such is the growth of ther arrogancy that they are not ashamed to compare themselus with Ierome or Austen and in their tedious sermons preach against them as prophane If this thē bee any betraying of the wretchednesse of our cause as they call it not to dispute with them that deny all principles not to contend with thē that wilbe tride by none but themselus I refer it to all considerate iudgementes that haue no more experiēce in the actions of peace then a reasonable soule may afford The more pacified sort of our Puritans would néeds perswade the world that it is nought but a learned ministry which their chāpion Martin endeuors were it no otherwise his pardon were easely sealed but those that know the treasō of his books can report of his mallice against Bishops One thing I am perswaded that he neither respects the propagation of the Gospel nor the prosperity of the Church but only the benefite that may fall to him and his boulsterers by the distribution of Bishoprickes Beshrewe mee but those Church-liuings would come well to decayed courtiers O howe méerilye the Dice woulde runne if our lustye laddes might goe to hazard for halfe a dozen of these Dioses Not a page but woulde haue a flinge at some or other impropriation or personage and in conclusion those liuings which now maintaine so many schollers and students would in two or thrée yeares be all spent in a Tauerne amongst a consort of queanes and fidlers that might carouse on their wine-bench to the confusion of religion Well to procéede in this text of reformation is not this thy meaning Martin that thou wouldest haue two and fiftie thousand Pastors for two and fiftie thousand Parish churches in England and Wales If thou saiest the word we will haue a place in both Uniuersities begin in Oxford first with the fresh-men and so go vp to the heades of the Uniuersitie and then count how many thou canst make Our Beadles that know the number best would néedes perswade vs that of all sortes there is not full thrée thousand in Cambridge they say there is not so many by a thousand then call thy wits together and imagin with thy selfe out of these thrée thousand and two thousand of all gatherings how many good preachers may be mustered some foure hundreth as I gesse peraduenture thou maist rebate them to some fiftie or thréescore because there is no more open-mouthes of thy profession in both Uniuersities How farre this fiftie is from fiftie thousand a farthing worth of Arithmetike will teach you where wilt thou haue then a competent number to fill vp those defects of dum ministers inspiration I perceiue must helpe to patch vp your knauerie and then welfare the cobler of Norwitch that being one morning somthing earelie at Saint Androwes and the Preacher not come before the Psalme was ended stept vp into the pulpet verie deuoutly and made me a good thriftis exhortation in the praise of plaine dealing If this bee not true aske the Maior that committed him to prison for his labour Such another Doctour would he proue that standing in election for a liuing that was then in her Maiesties bestowing came to be examined by men of grauitie in the circumstance of his sufficiencie who discending est soones into his vnschooled simplicitie gaue him this litle English to be made in Latin There be thrée Créedes the Nycen Créede Athanatius Créede and the Apostles Créede all which ought to be belieued vpon paine of damnation The good simple superintendant that saw himselfe so hardly beset craued respite to compasse this vulgar which grannted after some deliberation he began thus to go forward Tria sunt Creda vnum Niceni alterum Athanasii tertium Apostolorum quae omnesdebent esse creditum sub poena condemnationis I marrie Sir here is apéece of scholershippe of the new cut which for the goodnesse of the Latin might haue borne a part in the Pewteres paggeant I kéepe a register of ten thousand such knacks Why there is not a Presician in England that hath abused arte or mistoken a metaphor but I haue his name in blacke and white what say you to that zealous shéepebyter of your owne edition in Cambridge that saide the wicked had a scabbe a braune and a crust on their conscience being so full of their wilie gilies that we that are the true children of God can not tell how to concerne them or was not hee a sound carde that talking of the maiestie and authoritie of the scriptures said they were the swéete meates of Saintes the houshold stuffe of heauen and the home spunne cloth of the Lords own loombes being deliuered from the stonebow of his mouth when he appeared in glory on mount Sinay But this is nothing to the good sport of that is behinde What I must tell you of a fellow that trolles in his rethotike like Martin in his riddles This hors-holy father preaching on a time in Saint Maries at Oxford came off with this mannerly comparison There is an vglie and monstrous beast in our tongue-called a hogge and this vgly and monstrous beast in boistrous and tempesteous weather lifts vp his suoute into the ayre and cryes wrough wrough euen so deare people the children of God in the troublesome time of temptations cry Our helpe is in the name of the Lord. Such another woodcocke was he of Yarmouth that said openly in the pulpet whosoeuer weares a vayle is an whore without exception and on an other time two women comming to be churched whereof the one wore a vaile the other went without He began his thankesgiuing in this forme Let vs giue God thankes for the safe deliuery of one of our sisters for the other let vs not giue God thankes for she is a straunger and we haue nothing to doe with her I take her to be Dinah the harlot that sat by the high way side for she hath a