now done after I have which is but just taken leave of my Author Sorry I am to waken him out of that pleasant Dream I left him in when repos'd under the Arms of a spreading Bramble But I will disturb him as little a time as may be a few things only I have to say to him at parting and then let him take the other Nap. First then I cannot but take notice of his Scripture Railery for though he has told the Ecclesiastical Politician p. 166. that he really makes Conscience of using Scripture with such a drolling companion yet he makes none of Travesteering it for amongst the many good jests he says pag. 198 he has balk'd in writing his Book lest he should be brought to answer for every prophane and idle word he could not find in his heart to balk such as these The Nonconformists were great Traders in Scripture and therefore thrown out of the Temple p. 232. and p. 207. he tells us his Adversary is run up to the wall by an Angel And again p. 77. that He is the first Minister of the Gospel that ever bad it in his Commission to rail at all Nations So that if any Man will learn by his Example as he advises in the Close of his Book he may proceed a most accomplish't Burlesquer of the Scripture wiithout violating and prophaning those things which are and ought to be most sacred Next for his Politicks when I observ'd how he limited Kings and set Subjects free exempting all Affairs of Conscience from the Jurisdiction of the Soveraign and exclaiming against Laws as Force and the Execution of them as a greater violence divesting the Civil Magistrate of his Authority in things Indifferent the greatest part of his power and caâ—olling Princes out of their Right in Complement to their Subjects forsooth flourisht with many Stories cull'd for the purpose and garnish't with a Bumkin Simile or two of such ill bred Clowns as would desire to be cover'd before their Betters I imagin'd he made his Collections out of such Authors as Buchanan and Iunius Brutus And when I remarked how small a matter he made of exposing the Wisdome of King and Parliament for a Superfetation of Acts about the same thing I could not but wonder that any one of a Private Condition and Breeding who it may be never had the Government of so large a Family as that of a single Man and a Horse should think himself sufficiently capacitated to make better Laws for the Government of three Kingdoms Certainly not every Man that has set his foot in Holland and Venice or read over Baxters Holy Common-wealth and Harrington's Ocâ—ana and made a Speech once in the ROTA is Statesman compleat enough for such an undertaking No the Training of Boys and Education of Horses are Tasks above the experience and abilities of some of these imperious Dictators that assume to themselves a Power of correcting their Governors The new Modelling of a State is somewhat beyond the Oeconomy of a School and Monarchs are above the Pedantick Discipline of the Ferula it is Arrogance then in a great Degree for Pedagogues to Lecture Princes and Senates and a high Presumption for every Tutor to claim the Authority of a Buchanan 'T was this I was displeas'd with his irreverent and disrespective usage of Authority His Malicious and Disloyal Reflections on the late Kings Reign traducing the Government of the best of Princes and defaming his faithful Councellors in so foul a manner as if he had once made use of Miltons Pen and Gerbier's Pencil So black a Poyson has he suckt from the most virulent Pamphlets as were impossible for any Mountebank but the Author of Iconoclastes to swallow without the Cure of Antidotes And certainly if that Libeller has not clubb'd with our Writer as is with some reason suspected we may safely say there are many Miltons in this one Man Not to recite too often his too good Causes of Rebellion and his Caution to Wise Princes only to avoid the like occasions To which I may add his insolent Abuse of his Gracions Soveraign in so cheaply prostituting his Indulgence for a Sign to give notice of his Seditious Writings I was not a little offended to see him cast so much Dirt on the Venerable Names of Laud Bramhal and Cousens aspersing the last as a Papist notwithstanding his incomparable History of the Canon of the Scripture and with the like Solecisme branding him that wrote De Deo for an Atheist His disingenuity is visible in his misrepresentation of the Loan and his mis-quoting of Thorndikes Passage of Schism And what is no less remarkable is his injurious dealing with Mr. Hales in citing his Tract of Schisme which he could not but disallow of when he declar'd himself of another Opinion obtaining leave of Arch-bishop Laud who converted him to call himself his Graces Chaplain that naming him in his Publick Prayers for his Lord and Patron the greate notice might be taken of the Alteration But to conclude all the Impertinences of our Author I will not deny but the Transproser has merited that Crown at least which Gallienus the Emperour awarded him who in a solemn Hunting flinging ten Darts against a Bull from a little distance never touch't him with one Alleadging this Reason when some seem'd to wonder at the Sentence This Man says he is Expert above you all For to cast ten Darts so little a way against so great a Mark and not to hit it is a thing which none knows how to do besides himself Give me leave to close all with this short EPILOGVE For ours and for the Kingdoms Peace May this Prodigious way of Writing cease Once in our Lives let somewhat be Compos'd Not bare REHEARSAL all nor all TRANSPROS'D FINIS ERRATA PAge 2. for transpos'd twice read transpros'd p. 5. for impenitently r. impertinently p. 7. for Anonymus r. Anonymous p. 17. for Transposer r. Transproser p. 20. for ago off r. gâ— off p. 36. for we so loud r. were so loud p. 40. for a muse r. amuse p. 48. for the Antagonist's Book sellers and Stalls r. Book seller and Stall p. 72. for reduce r. deduce and for Populi Anglicania r. Populi Anglicani p 75. for Heir to his Majesties Vertues r. Heir to his Fathers Vertues p. 80. for in these words r. on these words p. 112. for Arcabian r. Arcadian p. 303. Mr. Cowly's Puritan and Papiâ—t 167â— Pag. 78. P. 233.
Pencil And indeed for this inimitable Art of the Sponge this of Expressing Slaver and Foam to the Life I will not deny but his work deserves to be celebrated beyond the Pieces of either Painter If you will have it in his Elegancy I never saw a man in so high a Salivation If in Miltons I know he will be proud to lick up his Spittle He has invested himself withall the Rheume of the Town that he might have sufficient to bespaul the Clergy But enough of these two loathsome Beasts and their spitting and spauling Now what think you of washing your mouth with a Proverb or two For I cannot but remark this admirable way he has of Embellishing his Writings Proverbial-Wit As for instance One night has made some men Gray pag. 144. and better come at beginning of a Feast then latter end of a Fray pag. 166. Which to express them Proverbially are all out as much to the purpose as any of Sancho Pancha's Proverbs For the truth of this Comparison I shall only appeal to the Leaf-turners of Don Quixot Some there are below the Quality of the Squires Wit and would better have become the Mouth of his Lady Ioan or any old Gammer that drops Sentences and Teeth together As speaking of his own Tale of the Lake Perillous he faith in its Applause this Story would have been Nuts to Mother Midnight pag. 56. and pag. 142. A year nay an instant at any time of a mans Life may make him Wiser And his Adversary hath like all other fruits his annual Maturity Though there is one sort of fruit trees above all the rest that bears with its Fruit a signal Hieroglyphick of our Author and that 's a Medlar A Fruit more remarkable for its annual maturity because the same also is an annual rottenness As for his wonderful Gift in Rhyming I could furnish him with many more of the Isms and Nesses but that I should distast a Blank Verse Friend of his who can by no means endure a Rhyme any where but in the middle of a Verse therein following the laudable custom of the Welsh Poets And therefore I shall only point at some of the Nesses the more eminent because of the peoples Coiage and of a Stamp as unquestionable as the Breeches and so far more legitimate then any that have past for currant since the People left off to mind words another Flower of their Crown which they fought for besides Religion and Liberty they are these One-ness Same-ness Muchness Nothing-ness Soul-saving-ness to which we may add another of our Authors own Pick-thank-ness in which word to keep our Rhyme there is a peculiar Marvelousness I should now in imitation of our Author proceed to his Personal Character but I shall only advise his Painter if ever he draws him below the Wast to follow the example of that Artist who having compleated the Picture of a Woman could at any time with two strokes of his Pencil upon her Face two upon her Breast and two betwixt her Thighs change her in an instant into Man but after our Authors Female Figure is compleated the change of Sex is far easier for Nature or Sinister Accident has rendred some of the Alteration-strokes useless and unnecessary This expression of mine may be somewhat uncouth and the fitter therefore instead of Fig-leaves or White Linnen to obscure what ought to be conceal'd in Shadow Neither would I trumpet the Truth too loudly in your ears because 't is said you are of a delicate Hearing and a great enemy to noise insomuch that you are disturb'd with the tooâ—ing of a Sow-geIders Horn. Some busie People there are that would be forward enough it may be to pluck the Vizor off this Sinister Accident not without an evil Eye at your Distich on Vn Accident Sinistre to which they imagine some officious Poet might easily frame a Repartee to the like purpose as this Tetrastich O marvellous Fate O Fate full of marvel That Nol's Latin Pay two Clerks should deserve ill Hiring a Gelding and Milton the Stallion His Latin was gelt and turn'd pure Italian Certainly to see a Stallion leap a Gelding and this leap't fair for he leapt over the Geldings head was a more pâ—eposterous sight or at least more Italian then what you fancy of Father Patrick's bestriding Doctor Patrick Neither is it unlikely but some may say in defence of these Verses that Nol's Latin Clerks were somewhat Italianiz'd in point of Art as well as Language and for the proof of this refer those that are curious to a late Book call'd the Rehearsal Transpros'd where p. 77. the Author or some body for him asks his Antagonist if the Non-conformists must down with their Breeches as oft as he wants the prospect of a more pleasing Nudity And for his fellow Journey-man they may direct the Leaf-turners to one of his books of Divorce for he has learnedly parted Man and Wife in no less then four Books namely his Doctrine and Discipline where toward the bottom of the second Page they may find somewhat which will hardly merit so cleanly an Expression as that of the Moral Satyrist words left betwixt the Sheets Not but that he has both excus'd and hallow'd his Obscenity elsewhere by pleading Scripture for it as pag. 24 25. Of his Apology for his Animadversions upon the Remonstrants Defence against Smectymnuus And again in his Areopagitica p. 13. for Religion and Morality forbid a Repetition Such was the Liberty of his Unlicenc'd Printing that the more modest Aretine were he alive in this Age might be set to School again to learn in his own Art of the Blind School-master Thus have you had the Transproser Rehears'd And now perhaps you may be in expectation of the Fâ—fth Act promis'd you in the Title but because it is the Bookseller's as well as Poetâ—s Art to raise your Expectation and bring you off some extraordinary way I will not deprive you of the Pleasure of being Cheated but since the Transprosing Muses are gone to Dinner I shall at present according to a late Precedent only read you the Argument of the Fifth Act receding as little as I can from that which was found in Mr. Bayes his Pocket and then making our Author personate Prince Pretty-man and varying old Ioan to the Church of Geneva it is in effect no more then this that Prince Pretty-man the Character is Great enough for a man of Private Condition being passionately in Love you may allow him to be an Allegorical Lover at least with old Ioan not the Chandlers but Mr. Calvins Widow walks discontentedly by the side of the Lake Lemane sighing to the Winds and calling upon the Woods not forgetting to report his Mistresses name so often till he teach all the Eccho's to repeat nothing but Ioan now entertaining himself in his Solitude with such little Sports as loving his Love with an I and then loving his Love with an O and the like for the other Letters And
Grove and shrubby-Hill This teach each he has upbraided the Bishop with in his Apology for his Animadversions on the Remonstrants Defence against Smectymnuâ—s You see Sir that I am improved too with reading the Poets and though you may be better read in Bishop Dav'nants Gondibert yet I think this Schismatick in Poetry though nonconformable in point of Rhyme as authentick ev'ry jot as any Bishop Laureat of them all Tell not me now of turning over the moth-eaten Criticks or the mouldy Councils the Gazetts and the Plays are fitter Texts for the Rehearsal Divines men more acutely learned than Parson Otter and Doctor Cutberd the Canonist than a company of dry Fathers and School-men that write in Latin and Greek Romances are thumb'd more than St. Thomas and Gondibert is Dogs-ear'd while the Rabbies are untoucht Mr. Bayes his Ipse Dixit will pass when Pythagoras his will not and the Rehearsal is more universally applicable than Homer or Virgil though they and their Commentators have taught the World the Mysteries of Handicraft the Principles of Arts and Intrigues of Government This Mock-Play not only reveals all the Stratagems of War all the Policies of Courts and Subtilties of Schools but is so sufficient of it self for all Professions Trades and Sciences that if all other Books were lost it is conceived they might be abundantly supply'd from this It has not only thrust the Duellist's Caranza out of doors but the Politicians Machiavil the School-mans Scotâ—â— and the Soldiers Vegetius too So compleatly necessary it is for resolving all Scruples and Cases of Conscience that the neglected Casuists unregarded and forsaken of all lye cover'd over with dust and cobwebs as in Astragons's Library where a deep dust which Time does softly shed Where only Time does come their Covers bear On which grave Spiders streets of Webs have spread Subtle and slight as the grave Writers were Now my curiosity tempts me to wonder not a little why the Poet after he had enumerated the Linguists School-men Natural Philosophers Moralists Historians Physitians Civil Lawyers and Poets in Astragon's Library should in the tale omit the mention of the Dramatists and Gazetteers it being a thing wholly unlikely that the wise Astragon should be unprovided of such excellent Authors I conclude therefore that the Dramatists must be included under the Title of Poets and the Gazetteers under the name of Historians and the latter at least I am the rather inclin'd to believe because our Animadverter a man of profound learning pag. 187. tells us the story of Macedo is matter of Gazett which by the way is an important Discovery as it serves to correct a popular mistake for if Iustin and Quintus Curtius were Gazetteers it is most certain Gazetts are not so late an Invention as is supposed And of this I doubt not but our Author can produce undeniable Testimonies if any man should be so bold as to call his authority in question for I presume he has all the Gazetts upon the file from Alexander the Great to this present Day and Year Well such a Collection is an invaluable Treasury but of all the rest the Greek and Roman Mercuries best deserve a corner in a States-mans Cabinet Who would not give more for an Express from Salamis or the Letters from Pharsalia then would purchase the Sibyls Leaves and rate the Diurnals of Caesar and Pompey at the price of Philadelphus his Library How cheap was Fame then when Luean acquir'd it by transversing the weekly-Posts Who might despair of Honour when it cost Livy no more than a Body of Collections not much superiour to Rushworths and Pliny procur'd it by setting forth a Volumn of Phylosophical Transactions But I am too sensible these Reflections are not proportionable to their Subject Your Notion Sir is capable of higher improvements and I leave it as an ample Theme for the Wits to dilate upon Only from hence if I may augurate the good fortune of your Writings I dare assure my self when the Acts and Monuments of Hen. Elsing Cler. Par. Shall suffer by the hands of the well-affected Cooks and Pye-men yours deserving a more honorable fate shall be prefer'd to the Gazett Vatican and live amongst the immortal Memoires of the Coffee-House The zealous Citizens if Fame be no lier have bought up three Editions of your Book and not unlikely for they are yearly at a great expence in Paper for Prunes and Castle-Sope Your Writings are made free of all the Trades and wâ—oso hath occasion to buy at many shops purchases all your Treatise in parcels for that and Pack-thread are given into the bargain This way of selling your Book by Retail is a notable expedient some have found out to disperse Orthodoxy with their Wares which no policy can prevent unlesse by making an inspection into the Covers of the Non-conformists Sugar loaves and Comfits You travel with every Pound of Candles and make every Race of Ginger a dear Token to the Brethren Each Page of yours is sold by weight and as Dr. Doâ—â—e on a like Writer for vast Tomes of Currans and of Figs Of Med'cinal and Aromatique twigs Your leaves a better Method do provide Divide to Pounds and Ounces sub-divide Disdain not Sir to stoop to these inferiour Offices for some of your Papers may be reserved unhappily for baser uses and dye the common death of Illegitimates thrust into no other grave than the ordinary Jakes and meriting no nobler Epitaph than this Here lies in Sheets TRANSPROS'D RFHEARSAL Condemn'd to wipe his or her A hole If ever the Blue and White Aprons should be solicitous for a fourth Impâ—estion the Coffee-men I hear will bid fair for your Stationers for besides that you have singularly oblig'd them in demonstrating to the world the wonderful effects of an Education in their Academies you have no less ingag'd their Customers in furnishing them with the best part of their Cheer News and pleasant Tales As any one may see p. 242. 243. and at large in your whole Treatise which is a Gazett of 326. pages To this we may add that your Wit is much after the same Rate and standerd with theirs and your Disputes maintain'd with as much Zeal and as little Reason For let any of the oldest Graduates in those tattling Universities resolve me whether there was ever so sure and compendious a Method of silencing opponents as you have found out For 't is but calling a man Mr. Bayes four times in a page this you do under pretence of avoiding Tautologies Lampooning the Anâ—agonists Booksellers nay his Stall and the very Avenues on which the Title of his Book is posted for it is an horrible affront to any Idle gaping fellow that he cannot so much as look at the Wall nor pass by a Stall but he must be out-star'd by an impudent Preface tacking such words together as Roman-Empire and Ecclesiastical Policy crying this is a Scene out of the Rehearsal and that is matter of Gazett for these two like