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A50091 The excellent comedy called, The old law, or, A new way to please you by Phil. Massinger, Tho. Middleton, William Rowley ... ; together with an exact and perfect catalogue of all the playes, with the authors names, and what are comedies, tragedies, histories, pastoralls, masks, interludes, more exactly printed than ever before.; Old law Massinger, Philip, 1583-1640.; Middleton, Thomas, d. 1627.; Rowley, William, 1585?-1642? 1656 (1656) Wing M1048; ESTC R12634 55,222 95

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wee are upon a better adventure I see Gnothos you have beene before us we came to deale with this Merchant for some commodities Clar. With me sir any thing that I can But. Nay we have look'd out our Wives already marry to you we come to know the prices that is to know their ages for so much reverence we beare to age that the more aged they shall be the more deere to us Tay. The truth is every man has laid by his Widdow so they be lame enough blinde enough and old t is good enough Clar. I keepe the town stock if you can but name em I can tell their ages today Om. We can tell their fortunes to an houre then Clar. Only you must pay for turning of the leaves Cook Oh bountifully come mine first But. The Butler before the Cooke while you live ther 's few that eate before they drinke in a morning Tay. Nay then the Taylor puts in his needle of priority for men do cloth themselves before they either drink or eat Bay I will strive for no place the longer ere I marry my wife the older shee will be and nearer her end and my ends Clar. I will serve you all gentlemen if you will have patience Clo. I commend your modesty sir you are a Bayliff whose place is to come behind other men as it were in the bumm of all the rest Bay So sir and you were about this businesse too seeking out for a Widdow Clo. Alack no sir I am a married man and have those cares upon me that you would faine runn into Bay What an old rich wife any man in this age desires such a care Clo. Troath sir I 'le put a venter with you if you will I have a lusty old queane to my wife sound of wind and limb yet I 'le give out to take three for one at the marriage of my second wife Bay I sir but how neere is shee to the Law Clo. Take that at hazard sir there must bee time you know to get a new Unsight unseen I take 3. to one Bay Two to one I 'le give if shee have but two teeth in her head Clo. A match there 's five drachmes for ten at my next wife Bay A match Cook I shall be fitted bravely fifty eight and upwards t is but a yeare and a halfe and I may chance make friends and beg a yeare of the Duke But. Hey boyes I am made sir Butler my wife that shall bee wants but two months of her time it shall bee one ere I marry her and then the next will be a hunny moon Tay. I out strip you all I shall have but six weeks of Lent if I get my Widdow and then comes eating tide plump and gorgious Clo. This Taylor will be a man if ever there were any Bay Now comes my turn I hope goodman Finis you that are still at the end of all with a so be it well now sirs doe you venter there as I have done and I le venter heereafter you good luck I beseech thee Clar. Amen sir Bay That deserves a fee already there t is please me and have a better Clar. Amen sir Cook How two for one at your next wife is the old one living Clo. You have a faire Match I offer you no foule one if Death make not hast to call her shee 'l make none to go to him But. I know her shee s a lusty woman I 'le take the venter Clo. There 's five drachmes for ten at my next wife But. A bargain Cook Nay then wee l be all Merchants give me Tay. And me But. What has the Bayliff sped Bay I am content but none of you shall know my happiness Clar. As well as any of you all believe it sir Bay Oh Clarke you are to speak last alwayes Clar. I 'le remember 't hereafter sir you have done with mee Gentlemen Enter Wife Om. For this time honest Register Clar. Fare you well then if you do I 'le cry Amen too t Exit Cook Looke you sir is not this your Wife Clo. My first wife sir But. Nay then we have made a good match on t if she have no froward Disease the Woman may live this dozen yeares by her age Tay. I 'me afraid shee s broken winded shee holds silence so long Cook Wee l now leave our venter to the event I must a wooing But. I le but buy me a new dagger and overtake you Bay So we must all for he that goes a wooing to a Widdow without a weapon will never get her Exeunt Clo. Oh Wife Wife Wife What ayle you man you speake so passionatly Clo. T is for thy sake sweet wife who would thinke so lusty an old woman with reasonable good teeth and her tongue in as perfect use as ever it was should bee so neere her time but the Fates will have it so Wife What 's the matter man you doe amaze me Clo. Thou art not sick neither I warrant thee Wife Not that I know of sure Clo. What pitty t is a woman should bee so neere her end and yet not sick Wife Neere her end man tush I can guesse at that I have yeares good yet of life in the remainder I want two yet at least of the full number Then the Law I know craves impotent and useless And not the able women Clo. I alas I see thou hast beene repairing time as well as thou couldst the old wrinckles are well fild up but the Vermilion is seene too thick too thick and I read what 's written in thy forehead it agrees with the Church Booke Wife Have you sought my age man and I preethee how is it Clo. I shall but discomfort thee Wife Not at all man when there 's no remedy I will go though unwillingly Clo. 1539 Just it agrees with the Booke you have about a yeare to prepare your selfe Wife Out alas I hope there 's more then so but doe you not thinke a repreeve might be gotten for halfe a score and t were but five yeare I would not care an able woman me thinks were to be pittied Clo. I to be pittied but not help'd no hope of that for indeed women have so blemishd their own reputations now a dayes that it is thought the Law will meet them at fifty very shortly Wife Marry the Heavens forbid Clo. There 's so many of you that when you are old become Witches some professe Physick and kill good subjects faster then a burning Feavour and then Schoolemistresses of the sweet sinne which commonly we call Bawds innumerable of that sort for these and such causes t is thought they shall not live above fifty Wife I man but this hurts not the good old women Clo. I faith you are so like one another that a man cannot distinguish 'em now were I an old woman I would desire to goe before my time and offer my selfe willingly 2. or 3. yeares before oh those are brave women and worthy to bee commended of all men in the
discoverd Gentlemen Sim. And I have a scurvy ginny laugh a mine own Will spoyle all i 'me afraid Eug. Marry take heed sir Sim. Nay and I should bee hangd I can't leave it pup there t is Eug Peace oh peace Lis. Come I am ready sir I heare the Church Bookes lost where I was borne to And that shall set me back one and twenty years There is no little comfort left in that And my three Court Codlings that looke parboyld As if they came from Cupids scalding house Sim He meanes me specially I hold my life Danc. What trick will your old Worship learn this morning sir Lis. Marry a trick if thou couldst teach a man To keepe his Wife to himselfe I 'de faine learn that Danc. That 's a hard trick for an old man specially The Horse trick comes the nearest Lis. Thou sayst true I faith They must be horst indeed else there 's no keeping on em And horse play at fourscore is not so ready Danc. Look you heer 's your Worships horse trick sir Lis. Nay say not so T is none of mine I fall down horse and man If I but offer at it Danc. My life for yours sir Lis. Saist thou me so Danc. Well offerd by my Violl sir Lis. A Pox of this horse trick t 'as playd the jade with me And given me a wrinch i th back Danc. Now heere 's your i●turne and your trick above ground Lis. Prithee no more unlesse thou hast a mind to lay me underground one of these tricks enough in a morning Danc. For your Gilliard sir You are Compleat enough I and may challenge The proudest Coxcombe of em all I 'le stand too t Lis. Faith and I 've other weapons for the rest too I have prepard for em if ere I take My Gregories heere agen Sim. Oh I shall burst I can hold out no longer Eug. Hee spoyles all Lis. The Divell and his grinners are you come Bring forth the weapons we shall find you play All feats of youth to Jack Boyes feats of youth And these the weapon drinking fencing dancing Your owne roade waies you Glisterpipes I me old you say Yes parlous old Kidds and you mark me well This Beard cannot get Children yon lank suckeggs Unlesse such Weezels come from Court to help us We will get our owne bratts you lecherous dogbolts Enter with Glasses Wel said down with 'em now we shall see your spirits What dwindle you already 2. Cour. I have no quallity Sim. Nor I unlesse drinking may be reckned For one 1. Cour. Why Sim it shall Lis. Come dare you chuse your weapon now 1. Cour. I dancing sir and you will be so hasty Lis. We 're for you sir 2 Cour. Fencing I Lis. Wee l answer you to Sim. I 'me for drinking your wet weapon there Lis. That wet one has cost many a princox life And I will send it through you with a powder Sim. Let come with a Pox● I care not so 't be drink I hope my guts will hold and that 's ●een all A Gentleman can looke for of such trillibubs Lis. Play the first weapon come strike strike I say Yes yes you shall be first I le observe Court Rules A Galliard Laminiard Alwayes the worst goes foremost so t will prove I hope So sir y 'ave spit your poyson now come I Now forty years ago backward and assist me Fall from me halfe my age but for three minutes That I may feel no crick I will put faire fort Although I hazzard twenty Sciaticaes So I have hit you 1. Cour. Y 'ave done well I faith sir Lis. If you confesse it well t is excellent And I have hit you soundly I am warme now The second weapon instantly 2. Cour. What so quick sir will you not allow your selfe a breathing time Lis. Ive breath enough at all times Lucifers Musk cod To give your perfumd worship 3. Vennies A sound old man puts his thrust better home Then a spic'd yong man there I 2. Cour. Then have at you fourscore Lis. You lie twenty I hope and you shall find it Sim. I 'me glad I mist this weapon I had an eye Popd out ere this time or my two butter teeth Thrust down my throat instead of a flap draggon Lis. There 's two peptwizle Danc. Excellently touch'd sir 2. Cour. Had ever man such luck speak your opinion gentlemen Sim. Me thinks your luck 's good that your eyes are in stil Mine would have drop'd out like a pigs halfe toasted Lis. There wants a third and there t is agen 2. Cour. The Divel has steeld him Eug. What a strong fiend is Jelousie Lis. Your dispatchd beare whelp Sim. Now comes my weapon in Lis. Heere toad stoole heere T is with you and I must play these 3. wet Vennies Sim. Vennis in Venice Glasses let em come They l bruise no flesh I me sure nor break no bones 2. Cour. Yet you may drink your eyes out sir Sim. I but thats nothing then they goe voluntarily I doe not Love to have em thrust out whether they will or ●●● Lis. Heere 's your first weapon ducks meat Sim. How a dutch what you call em Stead of a German falchion a shrewd weapon And of all things hard to be taken downe Yet downe it must I have a nose goes in too t I shall drinke double I think 1. Cour. The sooner off Sim Lis. I le pay you speedily with a trick I learnt once amongst drunkards heere 's halfe pike Sim. Halfe pike comes well after Dutch what you call em They'd never be a sunder by their good will 1. Cour. Well puld of an old fellow Lis. Oh but your fellowes Pull better at a rope 1 Cour. There 's a haire Sim In that Glasse Sim. An t be as long as a halter downe it goes No haire shall crosse me Lis. I make you stinke worse then your Polecats doe Heere 's long sword your last weapon Sim. No more weapons 1. Cour. Why how now Sim beare up thou shamst us all else Sim. Light I shall shame you worse and I stay longer I ha got the Scotony in my head already The whimzy you all turne round do not you dance gallants 2. Cour. Pish what 's all this why Sim look the last Venny Sim. No more Vennies goes down heere for these 2. are comming up agen 2. Cour. Out The disgrace of drinkers Sim. Yes t will out Doe you smell nothing yet 1. Cour. Smell Sim. Farwell quickly then it will do if I stay Exit 1. Cour. A Foyle go with thee Lise. What shall we put downe youth at her owne vertues Beat folly in her owne ground wondrous much Why may not we be held as full sufficient To love our owne wives then get our owne children And live in free peace till we be dissolved For such spring Butterflies that are gawdie wingd But no more substance then these Shamble flies Which Butchers boyes snap betweene sleepe and waking Come but to crush you once you are all but maggots
Chamber Maid once and learnt it of her Lady Duk. Sure I think she cannot be so old Wife Truly I think so too and please your grace Clo. Two to one with your grace of that shee s threescore by the Book Leo Peace sirra y' are to loud Cook Take heed Gnothoes if you moove the Dukes patience t is an edge toole but a word and a blow he cuts off your head Clo. Cut off my head away ignorant hee knowes it cost more in the haire he does not use to cut off many such heads as mine I will talke to him to it he cut off my head I le give him my eares I say my wife is at full age for the Law the Clark shall take his oath and the Church Book shall be sworne too Duk. My Lords I leave this sensure to you Leo. Then first this fellow does deserve punishment For offering up a lusty able woman Which may do service to the commonwealth Where the Law craves one impotent and useless Creon Therefore to be severely punished For thus attempting a second marriage His wife yet livinge Lis. Nay to have it trebled That even the daye and instant when he should mourne As a kind husband to her funerall Hee leads a triumph to the scorne of it Which unseasonable joy ought to bee punished With all severity But. The fiddles will be in a foule case too by and by Leo. Nay further it seemes hee has a venter Of two for one at his second marriage Which cannot be but a conspiracie Against the former Clo. A messe of wise old men Lis. Sirrah what can you answer to all these Clo. Ye' are good old men and talke as age will give you leave I would speake with the youthfull Duke himselfe hee and I may speake of things that shall be 30 or 40 yeares after you are dead and rotten alas you are heere to day and gone to Sea to morrow Duk. Introath sir then I must be plaine with you The Law that should take away your old wife from you The which I doe perceive was your desire Is voyd and frustrated so for the rest There has been since another parliament Has cut it off Clo. I see your grace is disposd to be pleasant Duk. Yes you might perceive that I had not else Thus dallied with your follies Clo. I le talke further with your grace when I come Back from Church in the meane time you know what to doe With the old woman Duk. Stay sir unlesse in the mean time you mean I cause a Jibber to be set up in your way and hand you at your return Wise Oh gratious Prince Duk Your old wives cannot die to day by any Law of mine for ought I can say too em ●●●y may by a new edict bury you and then perhaps you pay a new fine too Clo. This is fine indeed Wife Oh Gracious Prince may he live a hundred years more Cook Your venture is not like to come in to day Gnothoes Clo. Give me the principall back Cook Nay by my troath wee l venter still and i 'me sure wee have as ill a venter of it as you for wee have taken old wives of purpose where that we had thought to have put away at this market 〈◊〉 now we cannot utter a pennyworth Duke Well sirrah you were best to discharge Your new charge and take your old one to you Clo. Oh Musick no musick but prove most dolefull Trumpets Oh Bride no Bride but thou must prove a Strumpet Oh venter no venter I have for one now none Oh wife thy life is sav'd when I hope t 'had been gone Case up your fruitless strings no penny no wedding Case up thy Maiden head no Priest no bedding Avant my venter it can nere be restord Till Agg my old wife be thrown over board Then come agen old Agg since it must be so Let Bride and venter with wofull Musick goe Cook What for the Bride cake Gnothoes Clo. Let it be mouldy now t is out of season Let it grow out of date currant and reason Let it be chip'd and chopt and given to chickens No more is got by that then William Dickins Got by his wooden dishes Put up your plums as fidlers put up pipes The Wedding dasht the Bridegroome Weeps and wipes Fidlers farwell and now without perhaps Put up your Fiddles as you put up scraps Lis. This passion has given some satisfaction yet My Lord I think you 'l pardon him now Withall the rest so they live honestly With the wives they have Duke Oh most freely free pardon to all Cook I wee have deserv'd our pardons if wee can live honestly with such reverent wives that have no motion in em but their tongues Wife Heaven blesse your Grace y' are a just Prince Clo. All hopes dash'd the Clarks duties lost Venter gon my second wife divorc'd and which is worst the old one come back agen Such Voyages are made now adayes I will weep too salt Of our nose besides these two fountaines of fresh water Your grace had been more kind to your yong subjects Heaven blesse and mend your Lawes that they do Not gull your poore Country men fashion but I am not The first by forty that his been undone by the Law T is but a folly to stand upon Termes I take my leave of your Grace as well as mine eyes will give me leave I would they had been a sleep in their beds when they opend em to see this day come Agg come Agg. Creon Were not you all my servants Cook During your life as we thought sir but our yong Master turnd us away Creon How headlong villaine wert thou in thy ruine Sim. I followed the fashion sir as other yong men did If you have as we thought you had been We should nere have come for this I warrant you We did not feed after the old fashion on Beefe And Mutton and such like Creon Well what dammage or charge you have run Your selves into by marriage I cannot help Nor deliver you from your wives them you must keepe Your selves shall againe retaine to me Om. We thank your Lordship for your love and must thanke our selves for our bad bargains Duk. Cleanthes You delay the power of Law To be inflicted on these misgovernd men That filiall duty have so far transgrest Clean My Lord I see a satisfaction Meeting the sentence even preventing it Beating my words back in their utterance See sir there 's salt sorrow bringing forth fresh And new duties as the sea propagate The Elephants have found their joynts too why Here 's humility able to bind up The punishing hands of the severest masters Much more the gentle fathers Sim. I had nere thought to have been brought so low as my knees agen but since ther 's no remedy fathers reverent fathers as you ever hope to have good sons and heirs a handfull of pitty wee confesse wee have deservd more then wee are willing to receive at your hands though sonnes