Selected quad for the lemma: book_n
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A53929
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Advice to Balam's ass, or, Momus catechised in answer to a certaine scurrilous and abusive scribler, one John Heydon, author of Advice to a daughter / by T.P., Gent.
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Pecke, Thomas, b. 1637.
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1658
(1658)
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Wing P1039; ESTC R7861
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22,600
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69
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a remarkable Notion I am none of the Greatest Strangers to Latin and English Poetry and yet I thinke the last Verse was longer than Parnassus by halfe a foot But least you should fall too much in Love with Our Authors Muse Pray lend your View to this Elegant Prose To his Daughter Daughter I have forborne to set your Name on the fore-head of these Aphorismes not that I am ashamed of either of them or you You ashamed of your Aphorismes No 't is enough for the Stationer and Reader to be so Make but your Daughter as Brazen-faced as her Father And if any of her Uncles the Chymists take like their Coryphaeus Friar Bacon Send Her to them And they shan't need watch three Weeks to heare A Brazen Head Speak But because your Enemy and his Sonne have done so before me If they have bin your Enemies No question but Gratitude will reconcile them to you since you are pleased to Honour them with an Imitation for which they are wonder fully beholding First we give to all the Vertues the Habits and Visages of Women I hope you are so well Verst in Axioms as to understand Nullū simile est Idem All is not Gold that Glisters And are not all the Furies also pourtraied like Women Iustice is naked and is it not fit that all the Sex should imitate such an excellent pattern and Mistresse Excellent advice surely your Father is the Key that unlocks Venus Cabinet By going Naked you 'l save A great Deale of Mony And though ve shall have no Pockets to put it in your Father with his will supply that defect And ye shall be sure not to want credit as long as your personall Estate is so Evident But how will ye reconcile going Naked with the Advice in the latter part of the Epistle Follow not Daughter their Fashion that uncover the chiefest parts of their Beauty As their Face Neck Brests and Hands as the Index of the more secret object Note ye must alwaies weare Masks Eate with your Gloves on Not hold up your Head for feare ye should shew your white Necks But since he would have you cover all parts let your Names be written upon your Brests Or for the satisfaction of your Acquaintance hire a Crier for a Gentleman-Usher that he may salute each passenger with O yes O yes here goes Madam such An One c. Really it would be a Riddle how to please your Father first ye should go Naked page 2 then all covered page 4 But that his worship is his owne Interpreter page 5. My Advice is to shew all or Nothing T is great pitty He is not chosen Major of Blomsbury or carnall Rector of St. Giles in the Fields Such Titles were More proper to such An Adviser than the Secretary of God and Nature page 3. Women uncloathed are all alike Yes as much as Venus and Hecube Alabaster and a Westphalia Gammon Man is the Consummation of the Creation The great Book of Nature was perfected by Man's Creation Only Woman was made Vice Corollarij as a Post-script or Appendix And Woman the Consummation of Man Nay Pray Iet Man be the consummation of Woman for reflect either upon the Admired pulchritude of the Body or excelling faculties of the Soule and what may glory of these but the Head How generall is the affection of Old Men to Women Well perhaps by continued practice they have at last obtain'd Vertue in Gradu Heroico in the highest exaltation And therefore now dare grapple with the worst of Evills If any Clumsy Old Doting Wittall c. You do well to furnish your Daughters with Complements I hope they 'le retort them upon their Father Although He is such An Eminent person for His writings that He who protests against the sufficiency of Them Adventures to make the Sun Stand Still and willfully goes about to Counsell his Master page 7. and 8. The World is full of Deceit And your Booke is not without For when I saw it first I charitably expected prudent Admonitions drawn by the Pencell of an Eximious Rhetorician but found A few frigid Conceptions distill'd in the Balneo Mariae of a Rosa-Crusians Noddle Beauty affords contentment But it is too feeble a foundation for a Wise Man to build his Felicity upon yet thus far I 'le accord with you as I once vented my Thoughts upon this Subject Beauty alone may for a time content But to my Bed a Vertuous Wife present Let Age or Sickness◠furrow her smooth Skin They cannot raise her Beauty that 's within I know there was much of Naked Truths in it If your Daughters would follow your Advice forecited page 2. they should also as wel as your Book shew much of the Naked Truth Your Loving Father c. You might have spared c. for every intelligible Person will ad an et caetera And so for this time we will say You writ this Epistle c. Advice to a Daughter Who is this that darkneth Knowledge by Words without understanding I answer Iohn Heydon Come thou Embrio of an History thou Cadet of a Pamphleteer Why thou Geoffrey in swabberslops thou little Negro mounted on the Elephant of thy owne Folly you and I will be sure to write something Authentick as long as we can steale from Mr. Cleeveland's Diurnall-Maker And now I thinke upon it I will allow thee time to Breath Bravely resolved a Noble Enemy is alwaies courteous It speaks like a Man c. Then by your own confession it is rational It is the first tincture and Rudiments of a Writer dipped as yet in the preparative Blew like an Almanack Well-willer Our Gentleman likes Mr. Cleeveland's entertainment so well that he is come againe for the other Dish and falls on like a most undaunted Plagiarie Send out an Hue and Crye and you will overtake him in Company of a Characteriz'd Diurnall-Maker Behold his directions c. Under the five generall Heads I will cut off and you will think him the Tripple-headed Porter of Hell Alas Sir that you should forget to make a Commentary in Folio upon this Mysticall Expression Your Enemies five Heads shall be cut off Ergo the leaving Him no Heads is the way to make him Tripple-Headed If Little David as you style your selfe stumbles thus upon Non-sence the Ladies may account it a sad Omen that their Champion may chance not to kill great Goliah I scorn to kill him I 'le onely box Bim Kick and Cudgell him for his boldnesse You scorn to kill him Oh shew me the like favour and let us both Live to make Panegyricks of your Clemency yet we are couragious Against your Cudgell wee 'le furbish our old rusty Back-sword and since you are Nettled you shall have leave to Kick And let him know he is the better Man who hath besiedged and taken a Towne not plotted to rob an Orchard The robbing of an Orchard was not attributed to the better Man but to the craftier Boy But